Please help! Advice needed!

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Ruamgirl
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Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 pm

Please help! Advice needed!

Post by Ruamgirl » Sat Jul 04, 2015 1:05 am

Hello, all. I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I have really been struggling with my body image and weight recently and could use some advice. My husband has recently started calorie counting (using MyFitnessPal) and is having great success with it. He has already lost 15 pounds. I have been trying to do it with him, but I keep falling off of the wagon because it's too restrictive. For my height, weight, and weight loss goals, my daily calorie allotment is 1200, and I just feel like I can't eat anything. Also, I'm sick of having to track everything. But I really need to lose weight. I am legitimately overweight. My doctor told me that I need to lose weight. He was also the one who suggested calorie counting actually. Also, my father keeps talking about my jutting gut. I don't live with him or anything, but whenever I see him, he'll say something like that. I've made it clear that hurts my feelings, but he just feels like he's stating the facts, and I guess he seeks to motivate me.

I've tried to do No S but have always given up because I feel like I don't have enough willpower for that either. I know, I know. It's pathetic. Something so easy, and I still can't do it. I think I'm afraid to commit to it fully because I'm not sure if I'll actually see results, and I don't want to make the sacrifice if the results aren't worth it. I know the reasoning is flawed, but there you have it.

So there you go. My whole, pathetic story. Mock if you wish. If any of you do have any advice to offer, however, I'd be most grateful.

Thank you.
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. -- Christopher Reeve

Dale
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Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2012 7:27 am

Post by Dale » Sat Jul 04, 2015 5:39 am

First of all, MFP recommends a pound a week weight loss for everybody, which is a 500 calorie deficit. If what you burn wihout exercise is 1700 a day or less, then MFP will give you 1200 calories. That doesn't mean you have to stick with those calories. You'll lose weight as long as there's a deficit - it doesn't need to be a 500 calorie deficit. If you like the MFP system, try fiddling with the settings for the amount you want to lose per week. Set it to half a pound a week and you might find it goes a little higher than 1200, depending on your weight, height, etc. (And I'm assuming you set it to 1lb a week originally - if you set it to 2lb a week, you might have even more leeway!). And then the MFP system works by allowing you calories for exercise, so you would be able to eat more on top of that.

I've done the MFP system and No S and both have "worked", but I prefer No S. For me, it's a case of finding something I can stick with, because I didn't want to lose weight just to regain it. It might be easiest if both your husband and you are doing the same thing, if you're cooking and eating together. I'd be tempted to get him over to the No S side as I'm sure you'd find it easier if you were doing it together.

If you do decide to go for No S rather than MFP, I found it helped me at the beginning to not worry too much about how much I was eating, but just concentrate on getting the habit established. That meant eating quite large portions at meals initially so that I didn't worry about being hungry. Hot drinks (particularly milky drinks) were helpful in getting me through when I felt hungry but it wasn't a mealtime. I do have a favourite snack food that I'm tempted to eat too much of it. I experiemented with sometimes having it on my plate at mealtimes as part of a meal, or with getting it out of the house completely. I struggle with willpower too (I think most of us do!), so I found that keeping it out of the house was easier, but your mileage may vary :). Best of luck!

bjalda
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Re: Please help! Advice needed!

Post by bjalda » Sat Jul 04, 2015 8:03 am

Ruamgirl wrote:I think I'm afraid to commit to it fully because I'm not sure if I'll actually see results, and I don't want to make the sacrifice if the results aren't worth it.
I so understand this fear!
But worst-case scenario; you stick to No S for a few months (because that's what it will take to build a habit) and:

- build moderate, sustainable eating habits
- lose at least a few pounds
- gain mental freedom
- now have a basis to build on! - I think this is the most important part. If you might not be satisfied with the results you get after 3-5 months (but you probably will, because slow loss doesn't feel as overwhelming as dropping the pounds all at once), you can still commit to MFP - ON TOP OF NoS. Can you imagine how much easier this will be, with the good 3 meals structure already established? And yeah, I would also take Dave's advice and don't starve yourself on a ridiculous 1200cal a day. Before you commit to one diet, really ask yourself if you could be doing this for the rest of your life. If your steps are too radical, you will fall, slow your metabolism, give up and gain back. It's a horrible cycle. Don't do this to yourself. Being a little overweight is not an emergency situation!

Good luck on your way, whichever one you'll choose!
Expectation exists when there is fear.
- Swami

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Sun Jul 05, 2015 12:44 am

Try to keep in mind that there is no perfect plan. There are just a bunch of different ways to reduce the amount you eat. Whatever you choose won't be "wrong" and if after several months it doesn't suit you, then it's not a disaster, it just gives you some information about what suits you and your body and lifestyle, to help choose your next move.

Any plan will involve effort, especially living as we do in an environment with a hyper abundance of palatable foods. Commitment and using willpower is a good thing - like exercising a muscle, using a little willpower (not too much, but some) builds greater resources of willpower over time. Some posters find that over time willpower and moderation have even spilled over into other aspects of their lives, like exercise or finances.

I've tried a bunch of different diets, including calorie counting, and lost weight on all of them, then regained it. No S is the only plan on which I've maintained a loss for years at a time. It's also the first plan on which I've felt peaceful and enjoyed eating, including treats. Why not commit to a few months of No S? Three squares a day is simple and should be compatible with what your partner is doing. Once you've established a habit pf moderate eating, you can always decide later to tweak what is on your plate. One of the best pieces of advice I got early on starting No S was not to try to fix everything about my eating all at once. One step at a time will get you there without burning you out.

Good luck with whatever you decide! We're all pulling for you.

PS Not to be disrespectful, but your Dad needs a kick in the pants!

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Blithe Morning
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Post by Blithe Morning » Sun Jul 05, 2015 12:22 pm

My hubby lost weight counting calories too; then gained it all back plus when he got burned out. Same with Atkins. He's now doing a modified version of No S and over the last 3 years has lost 30 lbs.

If you haven't read the book yet, I strongly recommend you do that. Until you can get to it, read through the website.

No S is worth the effort because instead of getting harder, it gets easier. It puts you into a healthy relationship with food. It is tweakable to allow for food allergies or food preferences or aging or whatever life throws at you.

Deep breaths. Don't panic. You've got this.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:59 pm

I wrote much longer comment, but will send the rest of it to you privately.

Blithe Morning's husband's bout with counting calories is typical, not the exception, even though a percentage of successful maintainers do count. But most people quit doing it. Do not be swayed by present success unless it has been sustained for 2-5 years.

Is weight loss the ONLY reason you would be willing to sacrifice being able to eat what you want whenever you really want to? You say you are worried No S won't be worth it.

Are NO S or 1200 calories counted a day your only options? When you are convinced that you are using your best option, you get more willing to get tough when you need to.

What options to No S do you think you would be willing to take? If none, consider accepting that your motivators are not as strong as they need to be, that you are doing the absolute best you can right now, and back off for awhile.

But I should have asked the simplest question: have you actually tried just using habitcal? If you have, please excuse.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

eschano
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Post by eschano » Mon Jul 06, 2015 8:45 am

Hiya, my two pence worth:

a) don't compare yourself to other people. My husband loses so much faster than I do whenever we do the exact same plan. Good for him.

b) You have to fully commit to something otherwise don't bother at all. Choose a plan and stick to it 100% (and I mean effort not outcome with 100%). If you don't commit you're not going to see any long term results whatever you do. Sorry if that's a hard truth but I've seen too many half-baked efforts. It doesn't actually matter what kind of plan you choose. I would suggest going for one that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life rather than short-term but it's up to you.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

wosnes
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Post by wosnes » Mon Jul 06, 2015 2:30 pm

eschano wrote:You have to fully commit to something otherwise don't bother at all. Choose a plan and stick to it 100% (and I mean effort not outcome with 100%). If you don't commit you're not going to see any long term results whatever you do. Sorry if that's a hard truth but I've seen too many half-baked efforts. It doesn't actually matter what kind of plan you choose. I would suggest going for one that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life rather than short-term but it's up to you.
I think eschano is right. You may know you need to lose weight; you may want to do it, but for whatever reason you're not ready to do it. All attempts will fail until you're really ready to do it. We don't make changes until we're dissatisfied enough with where we are to commit to that change. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but you will be ready to do what it takes.

My favorite definition of commitment is "the ability to carry out a resolution, long after the mood in which you made that resolution has left you." I think a classic example of this is how you feel on the day you marry and how you feel a year or two , five, ten or twenty later. That initial feeling is (probably) long gone, but you're still committed to the person and relationship.

So, it's not waking up on Monday morning and deciding "today is the day" and by Tuesday feeling it isn't. It's realizing that you're so dissatisfied with where you are that you will commit to changing your habits no matter what.

One of my daughters and I both need to keep our calories at about 1200 daily. Over time I've realized that while I can eat anything I want, I can't eat as much of it as I might like. My plates have a lot of white space. It doesn't matter if I'm counting calories (which I don't) or following No-S, I have to eat less. The heck of it is I've found that eating less feels better than being stuffed at the end of each meal.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

Ruamgirl
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 pm

Post by Ruamgirl » Wed Jul 08, 2015 1:58 am

Hello, everyone!

Thank you so much for your responses. I've decided to stick with No S, since I really think it's the most logical plan and the one I will be able to make into a lifestyle versus calorie counting. I also love that it emphasizes a "normal" relationship with food. That is such an important thing, I think.

Wosnes, I love your definition of commitment. I will definitely hold on to that. Thank you.

Eschano, you're absolutely right in saying that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else. I will try not to. Thank you for your advice.

Oolala53, I don't think my motivation has been as strong, but I'm just so fed up with my current lifestyle, and I think the time for change has come. HabitCal has frustrated me in the past because when I slip up I just kind of give up. Clearly, that's my failing. I'll try it again though.

Blithe Morning, thank you so much for your encouragement. I have the book, but I have been putting off reading it. No more excuses.

Ironchef, you've hit the nail on the head for me! I have a tendency to search for the perfect plan, and there is no such thing! You have wonderful insight. :-)

Bjalda, I definitely need to be careful in taking on too much too soon. Moderation is key. Thank you for reminding me.

Dale, MFP seemed so nice at first, but after a while all that tracking is maddening! It's just not sustainable! No S is! I need to remember that.

Random question: Would French toast without syrup (butter only) be considered a sweet?

Again, thank you all! I really appreciate your encouragement and support. I will keep you informed of my progress.
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. -- Christopher Reeve

ironchef
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Location: Australia

Post by ironchef » Wed Jul 08, 2015 3:48 am

Don't have much time, but wanted to say how nice it was to read such a positive post - look forward to reading your progress :)

Also, French toast (at least the way I make it) is basically just eggy bread, so if you don't use sugar, cinnamon sugar or syrup in my book it is no different than an egg on toast. However, if you think of it as a dessert and tend to go overboard with it, that's up to you. The nice thing about No S is that it doesn't micromanage - everyone gets to draw the "sweets" line where they judge it to be.

osoniye
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Post by osoniye » Wed Jul 08, 2015 4:55 am

Ruamgirl wrote:Random question: Would French toast without syrup (butter only) be considered a sweet?
Hi Ruamgirl- I'd say it's not considered a sweet. But, I love saving some things like that for S days, because it keeps them special, and gives me more special things to enjoy on S days than just sweets. YMMV.
-Sonya
No Sweets, No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".

kwerp
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Post by kwerp » Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:19 am

Thought I'd chime in here (first post!). I LOVE pancakes - I drench them in maple syrup....but my husband and I agree it's definitely a weekend thing. Which is great because it fits the S days.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 7:25 pm

Being really, really fed up CAN work. Almost everyone has felt that way at times only to have it fade. It often must be summoned again when overeating or permasnacking sound good again. Remembering that if we keep eating the way we were, that we'll keep being dissatisfied is integral. I put something like that on a list of reasons I wanted to change my eating, and read it daily for several months. It really helped.

No S is such a good way to combat the randomness, which is often the slide into more and more.

Hope things are going well, or well enough.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

simmstone
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Location: TX

Post by simmstone » Fri Jul 17, 2015 3:35 pm

"No S is such a good way to combat the randomness, which is often the slide into more and more."

I swear, you have the soul of a poet, oolala53!

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 3:41 pm

I think I got that from some obscure Emily Dickinson writings...
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

heatherhikes
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Location: uetliberg

Post by heatherhikes » Sun Jul 19, 2015 3:38 pm

simmstone wrote:"No S is such a good way to combat the randomness, which is often the slide into more and more."

I swear, you have the soul of a poet, oolala53!
I second that oolala, simmstone :!: :D
_________
hh
The more forgiving and compassionate you are to yourself while you learn, the better. Berating oneself has been shown to reinforce the behavior you wish to change. Ironic, no? But it's good news! We don't have to be mean to ourselves to win - oolala

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