Saying hello and need advice

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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ItsMe2015
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:43 pm

Saying hello and need advice

Post by ItsMe2015 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:12 pm

Hi everyone!
I tried this diet sometime long ago but didn't stick with it. I have been playing with different diets for the last 10 years and I am no smaller than I was 10 years ago. I will be 40 soon. I have decided that chasing a number on the scale is no longer appealing. When I sat to think about how to make healthy changes instead of trying to lose weight this diet came to my mind.

I have a few things that worry me though. How do I explain to others who have known about my quest for weight loss that I am no longer chasing a magic number but just want to make healthy changes? And that I am OK if these changes do or don't bring weight loss?

Also, I try not to eat desserts or candy in front of others too often. How do I eat these things around others without worrying about what they think? If eating these things in moderation is part of the change then trying to hide it seems pointless to me. But I admit that I am worried that other people will judge me for it because I am not small.

Lastly, is it stupid to give up on losing weight? Will I regret this decision years from now if I stay the same weight I am today? There is part of me that wants to be smaller but there is part of me that is just tired of trying. However, I don't want to give up and spiral into an all out binge-fest everyday. I thought of NO S because it offers reasonable changes that are doable for a lifetime.

What do you think?

Just for reference I am a 5'2 female and weigh 175 lbs.

wosnes
Posts: 4168
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:38 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Re: Saying hello and need advice

Post by wosnes » Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:43 pm

ItsMe2015 wrote:Hi everyone!
I tried this diet sometime long ago but didn't stick with it. I have been playing with different diets for the last 10 years and I am no smaller than I was 10 years ago. I will be 40 soon. I have decided that chasing a number on the scale is no longer appealing. When I sat to think about how to make healthy changes instead of trying to lose weight this diet came to my mind.

I have a few things that worry me though. How do I explain to others who have known about my quest for weight loss that I am no longer chasing a magic number but just want to make healthy changes? And that I am OK if these changes do or don't bring weight loss?

Also, I try not to eat desserts or candy in front of others too often. How do I eat these things around others without worrying about what they think? If eating these things in moderation is part of the change then trying to hide it seems pointless to me. But I admit that I am worried that other people will judge me for it because I am not small.

Lastly, is it stupid to give up on losing weight? Will I regret this decision years from now if I stay the same weight I am today? There is part of me that wants to be smaller but there is part of me that is just tired of trying. However, I don't want to give up and spiral into an all out binge-fest everyday. I thought of NO S because it offers reasonable changes that are doable for a lifetime.

What do you think?

Just for reference I am a 5'2 female and weigh 175 lbs.
You don't owe other people any explanation of your eating habits. If they notice a difference you can choose to respond -- or not. If you feel you must respond, say you're just trying to eat sensibly.

As for worrying about what others think if you eat sweet/treats -- what other people think of what you do is none of your business. And you'd probably be surprised to know how rarely they think of it. They might notice the first time and after that pay no attention. Besides, I'd be willing to be that a lot of the people whose reaction you're concerned about are not small, either.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

ironchef
Posts: 1630
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:12 am
Location: Australia

Re: Saying hello and need advice

Post by ironchef » Sun Jul 26, 2015 11:38 pm

ItsMe2015 wrote:How do I explain to others who have known about my quest for weight loss that I am no longer chasing a magic number but just want to make healthy changes? And that I am OK if these changes do or don't bring weight loss?
Totally agree with wosnes. No one, not even my immediate family, knows that how I eat is called "No S". They just see me eat meals instead of snacks, and know that mostly I refuse sweets (but not birthday cake).
Also, I try not to eat desserts or candy in front of others too often. How do I eat these things around others without worrying about what they think?
You won't be eating these things "often", you'll just be having them Sometimes on days that start with S. If anyone is rude enough to say anything mean or judgmental to you about it, you have my permission to ignore them, or even to use the time honoured "Wow, that's pretty rude, you must feel a bit awkward".
Lastly, is it stupid to give up on losing weight? Will I regret this decision years from now if I stay the same weight I am today? There is part of me that wants to be smaller but there is part of me that is just tired of trying. However, I don't want to give up and spiral into an all out binge-fest everyday. I thought of NO S because it offers reasonable changes that are doable for a lifetime.
Go for it with No S with the goal of sanity and moderate eating, you cannot fail! You never know, you might be surprised what your body will eventually do over the next few years.

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:21 am

First off, do you have symptoms of any health problems? If yes, do your best to take the advice of a good dietician. If you have a real, present health problem, ask for a consultation with one. Most doctors are not actually qualified to give much advice in this area.

If you don't have a present condition, know that consistent movement is associated with longevity more than weight is. It's just not visible to others. But you will feel the difference in vitality. It may be too much to ask right now, but vow to eventually incorporate 14 minutes of anything (see podcast) and possibly eventually Urban Ranger (see other part of Everyday Systems). Many people improve their blood readings with just increasing movement.

But No S provides what exercise can't: a reasonable way to negotiate our food-rich environment. It's pretty much the way modern slim cultures do it: most of their eating is done at meals in routine amounts. It really feels better to live like this!

If you've been dieting for years, you've probably been talking about it, too. Now that you won't be dieting, you won't need to be talking about it, either. (YOu'll realize after awhile that it's a bad habit to talk about dieting around food. Slim cultures ADMIRE food. They LOVE food. They just don't OVEREAT it.) You're not dieting. You're just eating to save your appetite for meals. If you get offered snacks, you don't say, Oh, I'm doing this diet. You say, "No, thanks. I'm saving my appetite for ________ (lunch, dinner)." Or:" I wish I was hungry enough for that; maybe later." AND CHANGE THE SUBJECT. But you do need to stick with it. If people see you waver, you will be subject to a ton of entreaties in the future. If you don't, eventually people back off or use a lot less energy. (If you start noticing, you'll see that thin people put off food pushers pretty easily all the time.)

I gently ask if you judge fat people you see eating desserts ( no need to answer.) Maybe you do, and that's why you assume others do. Some people probably do, but it's not really their business, just as what they eat is none of yours. I admit that I do think about these things in company, but I see that as my pathology! It's not really the other person's problem.

I'm with Reinhard on giving up on weight goals. Have habit goals, and let the weight fall where it may. Be open to increasing the quality of your food, meaning less processed and heavy Food OVER TIME, not tomorrow or next week. This may or may not change your weight, but it will likely change your perception of your own health, and it will probably change the quality of your body's workings.

Be as loving in giving attention to your appearance as you would be if you wore a much smaller size. Not everyone will respond to that the same way, but it doesn't matter. You'll have fun and connote fun.

Get excited about how great it will be to have food in its place and the mental energy to put into some new passion, including appreciating what you're capable of right now, today. It doesn't mean it won't be more tomorrow; it just means it's enough for now.

Welcome home.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ItsMe2015
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:43 pm

Post by ItsMe2015 » Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:27 pm

oolala, I do not have any health problems.

Movement is definitely something I have to work on. I have to change that aspect of my life as well as the food part.

I like your statement: "a reasonable way to negotiate our food-rich environment."

In regards to judging fat people: I guess internally I do even though I am fat too. Really I worry about how my husband will respond when he sees me eat something that he feels is unhealthy. He is not overweight.

How do I explain to him that I need to let go of weight loss in favor of health and sanity? Will he think I have just given up and do want to try anymore?

wosnes
Posts: 4168
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:38 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Post by wosnes » Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:34 pm

ItsMe2015 wrote:
How do I explain to him that I need to let go of weight loss in favor of health and sanity? Will he think I have just given up and do want to try anymore?
I don't think you explain to him unless he asks. Then you say just what you said above -- you need to let go of weight loss in favor of health and sanity. He owns his response to that -- not you. Don't worry about what others think, not even those close to you. Just do what's right for you.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

tacodiscos
Posts: 111
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:30 pm
Location: Midwest

Post by tacodiscos » Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:35 pm

everyone has given the best advice here... and I can relate to what you're going through as a chronic dieter that spoke of it often. For the last month I just said to people, " I give up. I'm trying something new. I'll talk more about it later when I've evaluated it." And truly I've learned that I think others judge me because I judge myself so harshly.... in reality I've learned they usually don't care. :) which is refreshing!!
Start date: 7/21/15, apx 180lbs
2/5/16, -16lbs, 164

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:04 am

You can't really control what other people think of you.

Your husband's weight does not mean he does not have health problems nor negative effects from eating poor quality food. But that's for him to deal with.

Do you think your husband is judging you for your weight and health measures? He may not even think about it much except that you probably talk about it, no? Try to drop it as a topic. Do what you can to slowly increase the "healthiness" of your meals, if that is a concern to you, without talking about it much. Take the topic off the table! Eat moderate amounts and talk only about how enjoyable the food is. But find other topics to occupy most of the time!

You might try to enlist him in getting the two of you to be more active, getting out and enjoying yourselves at non-food oriented activities. This will enhance your health and help you see there is more to life than trying to lose weight. You can do things on your own, I would think, too. This will give you other things to talk about with others, too.

You will probably accomplish more in terms of health just by committing to No S, with possibly some attention to slowly improving the quality of the food you do eat, being moderate on S days as well, and getting more active. These are not the signs of a person who is giving up.

I'm putting up a link, with the caveat that one of the approaches here I think advocates an eat-when-you're-hungry philosophy that I disagree with. I think No S is a better tactic, and world stats support me. I don't know of any slim CULTURE in the world that uses the former guidelines; most of them eat most of their food at meals, shared with others, preferably. They rarely snack and eat sweets very moderately. But they don't "diet."

http://agresearchmag.ars.usda.gov/2006/mar/health

Possibly keep your husband apprised of you blood pressure and cholesterol, if you worry that he thinks you're not acting in your best interest.
Last edited by oolala53 on Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

M's sick of dieting
Posts: 58
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:36 pm
Location: Saginaw MI

Post by M's sick of dieting » Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:22 am

Oh my goodness you sound just like me. I too am giving this a shot as dieting only makes me hungry and food obsessed. I blame years of dieting on my binge eating and diet addiction. Looking for some sanity with food. I've also wondered if it's bad that I stop trying to lose weight, but then remind myself that diets only work if you can stick to them. I've reached a point were I need to stop obsessing over numbers and work on everyday habits. I too am getting closer to 40 (39 next month) 5'2 and recently tipped the scale at 172.4. I've never been this big without being pregnant so really dieting for a few days then binge eating for a few days is just making me heavier. As far as worrying about people seeing you eat desserts and stuff, try not to let it bother you. Are you self conscious or has someone made a rude remark? I used to be like that, but for me that's one of the good things about getting older, the older I get the less I care what others think of me, it's very freeing. And as long as your a good person with a kind heart you shouldn't either:)

ItsMe2015
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:43 pm

Post by ItsMe2015 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 5:25 pm

M, yes we sound similar!

I think what everyone is saying to me here is to stop worrying about what other people think, eat, and say.

I can imagine that, like you said, it is very freeing. I have to work on that. Perhaps the No S Diet will do more for me than I originally anticipated.
Skinny and Worried vs. Fat and Free

Which would I rather have? Actually, I think I would like Healthy and Free

M's sick of dieting
Posts: 58
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:36 pm
Location: Saginaw MI

Post by M's sick of dieting » Wed Jul 29, 2015 10:49 am

I guess the way I'm looking at it is, dieting and then binge eating is just making me bigger and bigger. At least if I stop doing that, stop eating so much junk, stop grazing all day, and stick to 3 meals a day I won't keep getting bigger. Eventually the weight will hopefully start coming off and right now I'm OK with that sense I'm getting no where (but bigger) trying to diet.

ItsMe2015
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:43 pm

Post by ItsMe2015 » Wed Jul 29, 2015 1:04 pm

M's sick of dieting wrote:I guess the way I'm looking at it is, dieting and then binge eating is just making me bigger and bigger. At least if I stop doing that, stop eating so much junk, stop grazing all day, and stick to 3 meals a day I won't keep getting bigger. Eventually the weight will hopefully start coming off and right now I'm OK with that sense I'm getting no where (but bigger) trying to diet.
Totally agree!
~Cindy

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