A thread for people who find No *seconds* to be the hardest

phosphorus · Post by **phosphorus** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 3:18 pm

I don't know if it's just my bias, but it seems to me that I see a lot more people talking about their struggles with No Snacks and No Sweets.

No Seconds, especially at dinner, is absolutely the hardest part for me. Yes, I'm putting plenty on my plate to start with. I just... have a super-hard time stopping!

And what's funny is that, philosophically speaking, I really believe that No Seconds is the most important of the three habits for maintaining. Honestly, I think long term it can be okay to have a sweet now and again if one can do so in moderation, or a snack if dinner is to be late or one is unexpectedly physically active, but why would it ever be necessary to have a second plate after you just ate a plate? It's not!

I don't know if it is because dinner is more social, what with being surrounded by my family, who may or may not be still eating? I eat breakfast and lunch alone (and I like it that way) and I never have trouble stopping. Or is it because the serving dishes are on the table? Or is it because I usually have some beer or wine and that lowers my self-control? Anyway, I need some strategies because I need to eat dinner with my family and I don't want to give up wine with dinner. I do sometimes put the serving dishes in the kitchen, but it's annoying because the small children can't go serve themselves.

Jen1974 · Post by **Jen1974** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 5:26 pm

That is the one that is the hardest for me too. I always want "just one more bite" of almost everything. It's always been my biggest problem & was the reason cheat days were horrible for me. I always have room for more!! Before No S I couldn't even make brownies or cookies with my daughter without completely overdoing it so I always avoided baking with her. I just didn't know how to stop & really had a problem with the "what the hell, I've already ruined the day with a brownie, might as well keep going. No seconds has been great for me with putting a limit on treats like that.

I have been telling myself that I am someone who does not have seconds & it feels great to push my plate back & succeed. It's been something I've decided I need to do even on the weekends because it's a bad habit for me. On the weekends I'll decide what I'm going to have (it wil usually be more than during the weeek) but when I'm done, that's it. No more. I just went on a vacation & left all my rules, including that one behind & didn't do well at all. It made me realize how that was one I really needed to work on. I don't enjoy food as much when I don't push back & the "one more bite" is never enough, there always seems room for "just one more".

At the buffet on vacation I kept going up for one more thing. I've been home 2 weeks & am still trying to re-lose the weight I put on during vacation (: I decided when I got home, no more. I have this bad habit of grabing one bite of dry cereal as I put it away. Not enough to make a difference in my world, but I realized that by doing that I'm enforcing the habit that I have that tells me what I ate is never enough, I always need a little more & decided when my food on my plate (or virtual plate, sometimes on the weekends I technically have seconds but but I've decided ahead of time that I will & my virtual plate includes everything I've decided before the meal is what I will eat) is gone that is it for me. I am someone who doesn't have seconds. It's not always easy but I feel like everytime I make the choice I'm making the no seconds habit that much stronger & therefore much easier to do as time goes on.

nettee · Post by **nettee** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 10:10 pm

I think having more food available doesn't help. Buffets or serving plates on the table would be a bit much for me. But also look at this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/guides/z2csfg8#zt83b9q

It was a bbc program about why different people gain weight and the 'feasters' were lacking in a hormone released by the gut which signals feeling full while you eat.

I think I am a constant craver so the no snacking is harder

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Sat Apr 30, 2016 6:42 am

I don't find no seconds to be difficult *except* when I'm eating with others--and a lot of it is just that it's hard if I'm done first and they are still eating. I try to slow myself down--talk more, take more sips of water etc... After dinner, sometimes we play a game together--so if we're going to do that, I can distract myself a bit by starting to clean up while others finish. I also try to take a moment before I start and look at my plate. Does it look full and satisfying to me? Taking that extra moment and being *more conscious* about how much I'm eating, enjoying every bite, and acknowledging mentally that it's a really good amount of food helps me be satisfied with just one plate. Also, I find it's easy for me to eat mindlessly. I can eat 2/3 of something without really thinking about it--and then look down and realize it's almost gone, and only then start to pay attention and enjoy the food. If I take a few moments to try to be more conscious as I start, I'm more likely to enjoy every bite and not feel deprived at the end if others take seconds and I don't.

ironchef · Post by **ironchef** » Sat Apr 30, 2016 7:34 am

Merry wrote:I don't find no seconds to be difficult *except* when I'm eating with others--and a lot of it is just that it's hard if I'm done first and they are still eating. I try to slow myself down--talk more, take more sips of water etc...

My husband is naturally slim and always the last to finish his plate. I don't think that's coincidence.

I find it hard to resist when serving plates are on the table, but it does seem to be the best way to get young children to try out foods, so for now I'm just doing my best. My other struggle is finishing off their meals.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun May 01, 2016 6:08 am

Hmm. Do the children serve themselves seconds from the serving bowls? I guess I'm wondering why everyone couldn't serve themselves from bowls and then remove the bowls.

I second the suggestion to slow down your eating. Sure, it's a habit to go fast, but slim cultures are humans, too, with the same underlying instincts, but they let their respect for and pleasure in eating, but not overeating, overrule those instincts. You can, too.

And don't expect it to get easy for a few months. One of our biggest problems is thinking that just because we want a habit changed, the desire to practice the habit will just magically go away. Sure, it would be nice if the urges would just disappear on their own, but if we wait for that, we might be waiting a long time. Might as well help it along.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Mon May 02, 2016 5:30 am

ironchef wrote:
Merry wrote:I don't find no seconds to be difficult *except* when I'm eating with others--and a lot of it is just that it's hard if I'm done first and they are still eating. I try to slow myself down--talk more, take more sips of water etc...
My husband is naturally slim and always the last to finish his plate. I don't think that's coincidence.

I find it hard to resist when serving plates are on the table, but it does seem to be the best way to get young children to try out foods, so for now I'm just doing my best. My other struggle is finishing off their meals.

When my daughter was little, she was always the last one at the table--she could make a meal last an hour! (She's also the skinny one...very interesting!)

I stopped finishing my kids' meals once I started thinking to myself, "It's wasted whether it's in the garbage or fat on me." I did save food for them that I thought they'd eat again later, but some things...sadly it just needs to be tossed. Better than more weight on us!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Mon May 02, 2016 12:11 pm

When I am in my normal context, "no seconds" is the hardest one for me. (I'm visiting in the US right now and sweets is the worst.)
Anyway, one of the problems is that European friends tent to dole out the first serving for guests from the common serving bowls (not sure if this is something across cultures, or just the people I know) and they make it small enough so that everyone can go back for seconds. So I have to do some virtual plating there. Less than ideal and often leads to excess.

noni · Post by **noni** » Mon May 02, 2016 2:06 pm

Not having seconds became a lot easier for me because I learned how to slow down my eating. My husband and sons are finished their seconds while I'm still on my one plate. I like to point that out to them to remind them to slow down.

If there is enough food for me to take seconds, and I particularly like the meal, I will remove a serving for me, and put it in a container for lunch. I then don't have to wish I had seconds, because I do, but just at another time.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Tue May 03, 2016 12:44 am

noni wrote: If there is enough food for me to take seconds, and I particularly like the meal, I will remove a serving for me, and put it in a container for lunch. I then don't have to wish I had seconds, because I do, but just at another time.

Sometimes it's all in how we phrase things to ourselves. Love this!

vmsurbat · Post by **vmsurbat** » Tue May 03, 2016 7:14 am

Merry wrote:
noni wrote: If there is enough food for me to take seconds, and I particularly like the meal, I will remove a serving for me, and put it in a container for lunch. I then don't have to wish I had seconds, because I do, but just at another time.
Sometimes it's all in how we phrase things to ourselves. Love this!

I agree! Sometimes I wish this board had a "Like!" button!

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Tue May 03, 2016 11:57 pm

noni wrote: Sometimes I wish this board had a "Like!" button!

*LIKE*

vmsurbat · Post by **vmsurbat** » Wed May 04, 2016 7:55 pm

Merry wrote:
noni wrote: Sometimes I wish this board had a "Like!" button!
*LIKE*

phosphorus · Post by **phosphorus** » Fri May 06, 2016 1:03 pm

Noni wrote,

Not having seconds became a lot easier for me because I learned how to slow down my eating. My husband and sons are finished their seconds while I'm still on my one plate. I like to point that out to them to remind them to slow down.

So what's the best way to learn to slow down? Fast eating is a big part of my problem, I think. Especially when I'm feeling ravenous.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri May 06, 2016 2:08 pm

I don't think there's much more than just recognizing that it's another habit driven by forces that will bend to the wishes of the prefrontal cortex, which sees the wisdom of another way. No matter what trick people say to use, you have to decide to use it!

It helped me to know that slim cultures take their time with meals, especially the larger, usually shared ones.

I also accepted years ago that chewing my food more (way more for me) is part of the process. The maxim was "Chew your juice (swish it around, let it stay in contact with saliva for longer than just swallowing water) and drink your food (take small bites and chew until it is mostly liquid, not just until it's soft and small enough to swallow.) Do it with pleasure! The food came to me after a great deal of process, both by nature and people. Revel in it!

Also, think about it: why rush? You wanted the food, now you're going to have it. Give it its due! Love it with attention, not with speed.

So, there's a combination of mechanics and reasoning. But don't think you will learn in just a few meals! Just like the meal habit, it will take time. The good news is they work together, not against each other.

And you can still sometimes take pleasure in inhaling your food. But it will be a choice.

librarylady · Post by **librarylady** » Fri May 06, 2016 3:42 pm

You are quite right -- learning to eat slower is a habit which must be formed. I tend to eat too fast - and I have been working at slowing down for something like 8 years now. I have slowed down, actually by following some of the guidelines and hints that oolala53 outlines. But I still have to watch myself and try to conscious. I had dinner at a lovely restaurant on Sunday - my husband and another couple. The food was delicious and I started to tear into it (as if someone was going to snatch if from me!!) Then I caught myself and reminded myself that if I slowed down the meal would last longer and I would enjoy it more. But that was my conscious mind having to intercept my unconscious - even after all these years!!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat May 07, 2016 1:57 pm

Don't get me wrong; it's not actually natural to eat slowly. I know of thin people who can inhale a meal when they are very hungry, esp. if they've lived alone a long time! Cultural practices affect this, and slow-eating cultures tend to be slimmer and stay healthy longer. (There are other influences, too, but beyond eating theory.) I think the actual enjoying the food and time together is part of it.

kaalii · Post by **kaalii** » Tue May 17, 2016 7:03 am

i have to say that no seconds within the 3 meal framework is the most outstanding change i see in the noS diet for me and the best one...
and, yes, actually the hardest one, too...i used to have almost "automatic seconds"... always!! while dieting they would not be big... but nevertheless - they just had to be there... almost like an indispensable part of my feeding ritual...

couple of months ago, before the noS, i have changed all our plates to 20 and 22cm ones (7-9")... so now that im on noS i really fill them up generously... because i dont have any bigger plates

and i put the salad on the side... unless the salad is rich (with cheese, croutons, eggs, french or other heavy dressing, then it goes to the plate...)...
to see such a full plate stare at me... and then when i finish it - that's it - is soooo powerfull for me... and yes, hard... leaves me "hanging" there... while others still eat... but the "hanging there" feeling passes quite soon and i feel so pleasantly fed... light but satisfied... and the results are already seen:

-i feel more in control
-i feel lighter
-something magical is hapening to my waistline (i think never ovestuffing myself helps with bloating and i think the abdominal and core muscles also get to not having to stretch painfully on a regular basis and are just more "engaged" all the time...)
-being a fast eater, it does make me brake a bit while eating and savour the food more... because i like to stay at the table with the others but not with an empty plate

the habit of no seconds also seems to transfer to snacks and sweets on Sdays (or fail days, for that matter) - the art of being able to stop after one piece/portion! so precious!
i have had fails but i havent had a binge since i have started noS...

Dale · Post by **Dale** » Tue May 17, 2016 3:07 pm

I read the title and I thought, well, this thread isn't for me, because seconds is the easiest part by far! But then reading the discussion and thinking about it, I realised it's because of the way I cook and serve food at home: I usually cook the right amount and plate it up in the kitchen. I can't go back for seconds because there are no seconds! It's all on the plate. Thinking of it, this habit has probably saved me quite a few calories.

However, if I was in a different situation, for instance sitting for a long meal, with serving dishes on the table, then I'm pretty sure I'd be wanting a little bit more of this and that until they were cleared away. So I understand how seconds can be difficult if they are available!

librarylady · Post by **librarylady** » Tue May 17, 2016 5:10 pm

I have been trying to cut down the amounts that I serve so there will not be much available for seconds. If I cook something with leftovers in mind (say a bigger piece of meat than my husband (and now my college student daughter) and I can eat at one go, I try to serve only the amount for the 2 (or 3) of us and leave the rest in the kitchen to be packed up and refrigerated.

My biggest seconds temptation tends to be vegetables - if there are some left over I will eat them - and not mark it either! Even as a little kid I loved all kinds of vegetables. I don't worry about this however. I ain't getting fat on a spoonful of leftover spinach! ( I can remember my skinny grandma drinking the "spinach water"

)

Everyday Systems

A thread for people who find No seconds to be the hardest

A thread for people who find No seconds to be the hardest