Help I'm rebelling - what can I do??

Nell1223 · Post by **Nell1223** » Fri Jul 08, 2016 10:07 am

Hi I've done over two months of vanilla No S diet - and apart from a couple of minor blips, I've been doing well, until this week when I've suddenly got this rebellious streak that's popped up. Almost like I'm saying - "no one is going to tell me what I'll eat, and I'll eat what I want" !!! I ate some raspberry and almond tart and cream after dinner Tuesday , yesterday I went to a cafe ordered coffee (fine) then ordered a date and walnut slice and ate it. What's going on??

I'm a bit stressed and have a funeral for my Aunt today and my relatives from Ireland have come for the funeral who I've not seen for a few years. My uncle, my mums brother hasn't seem his sister, since her dementia got a lot worse and she's in a nursing home, and I'm dreading the shock and upset he'll feel when I take him to see her.

Also I've been helping my widowed sister in law house hunt and she's very needy - although I like her a lot but she needs a lot of ego propping etc

Help me wise No S-ers what can I do to help myself get past this rebellious streak?

knitapeace · Post by **knitapeace** » Fri Jul 08, 2016 12:15 pm

Someone on this forum recently referred to "extinction burst" by which a system (our bodies) will make one last ditch effort to snuff out a new habit by trying every sneaky trick to make you go back to the way things were before. The body prefers stasis, and freaks out a little when you try to change things. And it'll throw up a few last-ditch attempts to turn the tide backward just when you think you've got a handle on things. That's when you have to bear down and stick with it...after that, the body's attempts to change you back will be come fewer and weaker until you finally have a new "normal."

Google "extinction burst" and use your mind to fight back against the rebellious (and tricky!) body!

noni · Post by **noni** » Fri Jul 08, 2016 12:31 pm

Sounds like you're going through a lot right now. Comforting ourselves with food? We've all been there. Your rebelliousness, as you call it, sounds like you're attempting to take control in an out of control situation. Doesn't sound like any harm done (I would have eaten the raspberry almond tart without the stress...lol). Your writing us shows us you take your No S seriously. And two good months of No S is nothing to sneeze at. Be gentle with yourself.

There have been people on this board who have gone through rough times, and felt that continuing No S throughout those times gave them a sense of control and normalcy.

Be sure to inform your uncle of his sister's condition in total, so he knows what to expect, (even though seeing her in person is still going to be upsetting to him).

And just remember, "this too shall pass."
I hope all goes smoothly for you, and btw, you are a wonderful sister-in-law!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Jul 08, 2016 5:38 pm

I've gone through more than one "extinction burst."

Those old patterns can be very strong, and are mostly latent when they've been quashed by new ones.

Stress can make you WANT to eat, but you don't have to just because you want to. You will have to likely use some effort, though. Only mental techniques worked for me, meaning I have a list of reasons and thoughts that go along with why I want to eat moderately and mostly at meals. I still reread them often. Remembering that those small infractions eventually led to serious compulsive eating and being very sure I didn't want to go back to that was the biggest one that has kept the habit from re-emerging enough to cause serious regain, though it was enough of an issue that an extra 8 lbs. hung on for over a year.

Do your best to wrestle this NOW. You won't change any of those situations by eating cake and such, and you will not be doing your body any favors to eat them, no matter how pleasurable they may seem at the time. And know that the urge and rebellious voice is as mentioned above, just a strong neural pattern from deep in the brain that can invent what sound like very reasonable excuses. The list I made comes from the prefrontal cortex. People like to say that the emotional brain will always win, but that's just not true. Besides, even the pfc has emotion mixed in with it, such as a vision of ourselves as a moderate eater, or pride from conquering a difficult habit.

And be sure you find some way to shower yourself with approval later for passing up the extras, as well as pay special attention to how wonderful your meals are just on their own.

Jen1974 · Post by **Jen1974** » Fri Jul 08, 2016 10:10 pm

Some days/weeks are just harder, for everyone!! I do sometimes benefit from not going against No S, but instead having a little bigger meal of something I really love on an N day, or a bigger than normal splurge on an S day. It's sometimes easier for me to say "not now but brownies on Saturday" or look forward to a favorite dinner instead of giving in & having the treat or snack now. Sometimes I feel when my will power feels week it takes something like that to make it strong again.

Good luck!! I'm sorry for the bad week you are having!!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Jul 09, 2016 12:53 am

If I didn't say it above, ditto on being sure you have great meals or at least something you consider rich or decadent to look forward to (or back on). Mine used to be nuts or a buttered biscuit or some whole wheat garlic bread along with the rest of my meal. And savoring!

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Mon Jul 11, 2016 3:41 am

I wouldn't feel badly about this--you have a lot going on. Call the funeral day an S day, and if you have another emotional day or two with all the family there, take another S day--but then get back on track when you can.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Nell1223 · Post by **Nell1223** » Mon Jul 11, 2016 1:13 pm

Thanks for all your replies. I didn't know about the "extinct burst" but YES that's sounds like what's happening with me !! 😀
Today I've started back with vanilla No S and I'm going to do another 21 day challenge.

The funeral went well although my uncle whose sister it was for, was very upset as he's also recently lost his wife to cancer and his two other sisters are in nursing homes with dementia (one of these is my mum) I was very worried about him visiting my mum but in the end we both agreed that he wouldn't as she isn't herself and wouldn't remember if he'd been to see her or not. We decided that it would be better for him to remember her how she was before she became ill.

It was good to see all my family from Ireland - we were always very close and had lots of school holidays together. There's a whole new younger generation of grandchildren coming up too.

I ate and drank and enjoyed myself - but not the indigestion afterwards (!) I've used up a few S Days
After all this emotional upheaval I want some peace and quiet for a few weeks 😀😀

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Aug 02, 2016 4:29 am

That's a lot to have been through. But what would life be without it all?

The more established you are in Vanilla, the more the exceptional times stay just that.

Here's to finding your rhythm.