Everyday Systems

Oh boy! I had a terrible time with them today. We had a breakfast at work today. I had already eaten, so I didn't even want to go in the room. I had so many people nagging me. I said "No thank you" as nicely as I could, but they wouldn't stop. Someone finally threatened to not leave until I went to get something. I got some food and threw it away later. I know they meant well, but it was so annoying.

How do you handle food pushers?

I'm firm, polite, and change the subject. I do not need to eat their food to take care of their emotional needs. Once I realized that, it got easy. Sometimes I say I'm really just not hungry for it; I tell them it looks great and I bet they love baking and I'm sure everyone will enjoy it. How can they force me to eat when I say no thanks?

If someone is particularly annoying, I tell them the food they are proffering spikes my blood sugar (which is true, but I avoid using this line unless someone is overly aggressive).

In summary, they never win on this anymore.

I just reread what you wrote and that person that said they wouldn't leave - oh, my - that would have brought out my biggest smile. "Oh really? You can just sit your ass in here all day then - at least you'll have plenty of food to keep you company. I, on the other hand, will feel light as a feather and have zero regrets that I passed up this sugar-fest." I seriously would have said something in that vein. I also might use a self-deprecating approach - this has NEVER failed. "You are so lucky you can eat that and feel good! If I eat that I always regret it and I feel sluggish later and if I check my blood sugar it's gone up to 160." That works 100% of the time.

I definitely wouldn't eat in that situation. No one has the right to control what an adult puts in their body.

Love autos response.

Jx

Wow that's obnoxious. Sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be very tempted to say “I’m really curious why it's so important to you that I eat something now”, possibly adding “ when I just said I didn’t want to”, but of course that all depends on your work culture and power balance between you and Food Pusher. I do think it's possible to get away with the first part if said in a friendly inquisitive tone and with a smile in some work situations but not others.

For me, the best way to deal with it is to just honestly say, "I already ate breakfast and I'm trying not to eat between meals. But thanks!"

I don't like talking about any sort of "diet" with people - I think it's sort of gauche to bring it up - but honestly I feel like it's the most effective thing. In my experience they are then all of a sudden supportive and not offended that you aren't partaking. I did this at a friend's house when she wanted me to have some of the cake she'd made (which I also really wanted but it was still Friday). She totally understood and even offered to pack up a piece for me to have on Saturday, which I gratefully agreed to.

It was very frustrating. The next time, I will stand my ground. If I have to use my serious face I will. I think that this might be part of learning new eating habits. Saying no will be a must in a food-abundant society.

Learning how to say no is definitely an important skill in modern society if you want to lead a healthy lifestyle!

That's incredibly annoying, sorry to hear that it happened to you!

Under normal circumstances, I've usually found that people aren't actually paying that much attention to what other people do or don't eat, so the most I've ever had to do is a quick "I'm trying not to eat between meals" to duck out of that sort of thing.

I would never actually do this, but your story would make me want to turn to the person and say, "All right, please stand by, because I'm going to hurt you now."

Learning to deal with all kinds of environmental pressures is definitely part of the skill set needed. I have said before that often get inspiration from thinking about my naturally slim nephew-in-law, who rarely gets influenced to eat even one more bite than he wants on his own. I've also seen him leave many a small plate with most of the food he took still on it. Sometimes he will set it aside and claim he will eat it later. I'm not sure there is any data on whether or not he does!

Lizzy6 wrote: ↑

Sat Nov 16, 2019 1:00 am

Oh boy! I had a terrible time with them today. We had a breakfast at work today. I had already eaten, so I didn't even want to go in the room. I had so many people nagging me. I said "No thank you" as nicely as I could, but they wouldn't stop. Someone finally threatened to not leave until I went to get something. I got some food and threw it away later. I know they meant well, but it was so annoying.

How do you handle food pushers?

How is that even possible? If you really can't handle this situation, lying is always good way. Tell the person "threatening" you that you're nauseous, or that you just vomited in the bathroom. Or just enjoy the misery of the person threatening you that really wants you to eat so they won't feel guilty about the amount they're planning on eating, and sit at your desk or work area and pleasantly go about getting work started while they suffer.

oolala
My husband is naturally slim. He does not overeat. He eats all things, but I have never seen him binge. He can even eat a few chips and stop. I just think we either have a body that has balanced hormones or we don't. I don't have balanced hormones. I don't want to have to explain to people why I don't want to taste a little bit of the wonderful dessert they made. I would have to say "No thank you. If I eat that spoonful of your fabulous cake, I will want to keep eating sweets for at least a couple of hours." That is the trap. When your body is out of balance, a little bit turns into a lot very quickly.

Whosonfirst
Yes, the person did. He sat right at my desk until I went to the room where the food was being served. It was extremely frustrating!

Lizzy6 wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 02, 2019 1:12 am

oolala
My husband is naturally slim. He does not overeat. He eats all things, but I have never seen him binge. He can even eat a few chips and stop. I just think we either have a body that has balanced hormones or we don't. I don't have balanced hormones. I don't want to have to explain to people why I don't want to taste a little bit of the wonderful dessert they made. I would have to say "No thank you. If I eat that spoonful of your fabulous cake, I will want to keep eating sweets for at least a couple of hours." That is the trap. When your body is out of balance, a little bit turns into a lot very quickly.

Whosonfirst
Yes, the person did. He sat right at my desk until I went to the room where the food was being served. It was extremely frustrating!

Sounds like harassment to me. Sometimes you just have be a little rude, or maybe steel your resolve and tell them firmly to bug off. If he's still there, pick up the phone and dial your HR dept.

Hi Lizzy,
now that I know that the man concerned was actually sitting next to your desk while trying to get you to eat, I can understand why you went and collected food which you didn't want. But as far as I am concerned, his behaviour was out of line.

I deal with food pushers almost daily at my work. It can be really hard and IN MY OPINION it's not always possible to say what we really want to say in this kind of environment. In a situation like the one you describe i'd have said that i'd take a piece of whatever it was and eat it later. When i do this people usually stop pushing me to eat.

Interested to catch up with this thread. I hate having food pushed on me. Sometimes the escalating bleatings of the food pusher can really get my anxiety/adrenaline levels up and I just have to get them to stop before I explode. So in a situation where I know they will insist I eat a piece of specially-bought cake after a huge meal (for instance) I will say yes immediately, make a massive fuss over it, put it to one side and hide it in my handbag when they’re not looking, or give it to DH if he’s there. I enjoy being sneaky and dishonest to people who are purposely manipulating me. It feels like being bullied so I like to get revenge. At other times I will giggle and say ‘Oh, I’m doing this thing of not eating between meals...I’ve been so good...but I’m about to crack...oh, stop it, it just looks so good...I have to have some...oh but I can’t....’ and pretend to be suffering big time. That makes them happy.

Agreed! I can't stand having food pushed on me. I find it very curious that the food pushers in my life are also hyper-critical of people who are overweight, even if they are overweight themselves. Self-hatred? Crabs in a bucket? IDK.

Octavia, you are deliciously evil.

Mwahahahaha!

I should add, this approach can backfire, when you find a disgusting mouldy old bun squashed into your driving license a few weeks later...

I worked in an office several years ago where one day someone ordered pizza for the group. I said no thank you, and one of the guys said loudly, "Are you a part of this office?" I said, "I guess not." I didn't eat any pizza.

Wow, he was an unusually hostile food-pusher, Gabby! Good reply from you!

Indeed. It was a hostile work environment, too, but I don't think they even had that term yet. My boss used to hole up in his office and look at Penthouse magazines. They used to discuss women's physical characteristics, right there in the office. Fortunately, they did not do it to me directly.

OMG Gabby!

Yes; it was hard to work there, and I only stayed 15 months. I guess it could have been worse. They treated me like "one of the guys". I only told them I was leaving because of the excessive travel.