Everyday Systems

Every S day I've had, I've become very depressed. I feel like no time has passed since my worst compulsive eating days. The act of eating more and at random intervals, which is supposed to make S days fun, is not making me happy. I feel like I am cheating! I've just had a string of 5 perfect N days, so I should feel great, but I don't. What's wrong with me?

GabbyGirl2 wrote: ↑

Sun Sep 13, 2020 7:32 pm

Every S day I've had, I've become very depressed. I feel like no time has passed since my worst compulsive eating days. The act of eating more and at random intervals, which is supposed to make S days fun, is not making me happy. I feel like I am cheating! I've just had a string of 5 perfect N days, so I should feel great, but I don't. What's wrong with me?

Well it's only been a month since you've started NoS. S days are much harder to get under control than NoS days in my humble opinion. Some of us take it as WTH weekend, when we should try to somewhat maintain something closer to N-sanity days. Maybe a sweet, or two, 2nds at one meal, maybe dessert. But I've found getting back on an Nday schedule on Monday is easier if we keep it somewhat sane over the weekends. My opinion only. Give it some time.

Thanks, Whosonfirst. I have read that some members stick to 3 meals/plates on weekends, with a few treats thrown in. I'm going to try that, at least for maybe two weeks and see if I am comfortable with that. I think I recall Reinhard saying that S days eventually look like N days, but with a few treats. You are right, I'm still a noob.

You might not like this but after many years, I've come to the conclusion that it could be two things.

1. Sweets and processed foods are literally depressive drugs, or have a quick high and the nearly inevitable down. That's why I have always said never to believe any conclusions about yourself (or just about anything) when you are under the influence. Just like psychiatric medications can affect a person's thought- we hope they improve them-, so can food, especially ultraprocessed food. (Don't know if that's what you were eating.)

2. We have unconsciously linked overeating and guilt for so long that eating the compulsion foods or extra amounts trips the wire.

I think there is no set formula to follow to counteract the effect. It will be individual how much, how often and to what degree it seems worth it.

Just don't let it upset your N day equanimity!

I think it's number 2. It wasn't any particular binge food for me, so it was the extra amounts of food, and the old grazing behavior. I need more structure.

Hi GabbyGirl 2,
I have felt that way on S days too. I have felt really crappy and ready for my N days! Then again, until very recently I still found myself taking the WTH approach that someone else here mentioned.

I find it so interesting that in doing what I thought made me feel "free" with food ends up making me feel pretty lousy, both physically and mentally.

So, now I opt for mellower S days, meaning that I loosen up a bit but I don't go as wild as I used to. Maybe that's what Reinhard meant by how they would mellow out on their own. I thought it would be more natural to taper off, but for me it was a conscious choice to chill out a bit on the wild weekends. My mind wants to go crazy, but it makes me feel depressed and lousy.

I was initially afraid I would feel too restricted by not letting myself go as crazy, but I don't. Because it is always a choice I am making. And the days I allow myself to have a treat, seconds, snacks, whatever, are a fairly regular thing (weekends, special occasions) that it turns out I don't feel deprived, even though I no longer go crazy on my S days. Sure, I may want more sometimes, but I find being more thoughtful about it makes me feel better emotionally.

I hope that helps. You're certainly not alone. IMHO your emotions are helping you navigate what will work well for you.

Gaby, how is it going? Sometimes we don't actually need the structure as much as just the will to know in any one moment that following the urge is going to lead to the lousy feelings we want to avoid. Either suffer a bit in this moment and feel better in about 15 minutes because we held out, or give in now and feel too full for probably several hours.

Or, structure!

My first mod years ago on S days was just not eating sweets when I was alone, which was most of the time. It was no party holding out, but I was NEVER sorry at the end of the weekend that I had held out, no matter how irritated I felt along the way. And I was just about ALWAYS sorry if I gave in, though by the time I made the mod, it was months before I had a fail.

I affirm your breaking free of the attachment and affect!