Everyday Systems

Dear all,

I am writing here to express my general frustration regarding overeating on weekends. If anybody has any helpful advice I would greatly appreciate it.

First, I'd like to say that I was pleased to have found this website. I had essentially come to the same or similar conclusions as Reinhard after multiple attempts at weight loss, and it was nice to see my ideas validated.

My first two weeks, approximately, of following the No S regimen worked quite well. Unfortunately I have not been able to maintain this performance for the last two weekends.

Unlike a lot of people in the U.S., I don't have trouble with eating junk food. I actually can't stand things like chips, fast food (I think McDonald's etc. are just foul), or sugary sodas. I have always loved fruit and vegetables (I can't live without them) and whole grains. I cook a lot at home, using olive oil, etc. I also get a lot of exercise (I go to the gym 5x a week and walk a lot, probably ~60 min day/5x a week). I maintain a food diary. While not everybody on this bulletin board or Reinhard himself would probably advocate this, initially when I started, I measured my portions and calculated calories, just so that I would have a better idea of what my intake should be (it is surprising how many people underestimate the calories in food). I am not obsessed with counting calories, but this gave me a ballpark estimate of where I should be in terms of my intake. Sorry, I'm a scientist and like to sometimes quantify things.

So far, so good. What's the problem? Weekends. I start to compulsively eat starchy things, like bread or cereals. Yes, they're whole grain and high-fiber carbohydrate sources, but the bottom line is that I'm eating too much. I'm highly cognizant of this fact, but I cannot stop. I know that basically I am sabotaging all of the good work I do during the week, and my scale and body fat percentage show this.

I have seen counseling about this and they don't say anything that helps. I try to make sure I am busy during weekends but somethings things just go out of control. This last weekend, I had a party and after drinking a little bit of alcohol, my inhibitions were shot. The morning after, my boyfriend insisted that we meet friends and take them to IHOP, where again, I didn't eat a healthy breakfast. He also brought a pie home and I couldn't help eating a piece (I'm definitely forcing him to take it to work--no more for me!). I can't even make the excuse that my overeating occured on S-days, because I'd already used one up during the week (boyfriend took me to a very fancy restaurant).

The funny thing is that during the week, I'm not tempted to binge. Really. It isn't as if I were holding myself tightly under control, and then the dam bursts on the weekends. I honestly do not comprehend what is going on.

I am just so absolutely frustrated. The weekend binge has been a problem for me on and off for years, and I can't discuss it with most people because most of my friends, who are slim and don't have food issues simply cannot comprehend the problem. As I said, I have seen counseling and even been put on antidepressant medications (they do help with the depression I have felt periodically, but they don't stop my eating). I can't tell my trainer at the gym because he is one of these jock types of people who again cannot comprehend why a person would be so illogical as to sabotage her own efforts. My boyfriend is sometimes understanding but isn't always willing to help (he's overweight, actually more seriously overweight than me, but doesn't seem to care).

Why do I do this? I cannot stand my body. I mean, I often loathe it. I want it to change so badly. I'm tired of feeling like the ugly porky girl amongst my friends. I'm tired of going to the store and trying on fifty trillion things and nothing fitting in a satisfactory fashion. Maybe I'm just doomed to be another fat American statistic. I've been overweight since I was 9 years old and have never been able to entirely remove that weight I've tried to be body-positive, be happy with what I have, blah blah blah but that just doesn't work. I guess I sound like an image-conscious, shallow, annoying person but that's just how I feel. For once in my life, I'd like to have a reasonable weight. I know exactly what I need to do, I've read a lot of the weight-loss literature, etc. etc. Why can't I execute a proper plan of action?

I apologize to you all for my ranting and raving about this, but I woke up and I couldn't sleep because of my anger and frustration. Thank you for having the patience to read this.

Sincerely,

H

P.S. In case you're curious, I'm 5' 1.5"/156 cm (yeah, I'm short so I have to include that extra 0.5") and ~150 lbs/68 kg. I'd like to lose at least 20 lbs (~10 kg) and more like 30 lbs. Some of you might say "gee, H should shut up because she's only got 20-30 lbs. to lose! Why is she whining?" Well, remember this:

(1) The closer you get to a proper weight, the harder it is to lose
(2) You'd be surprised how chubby a person with an extra 30 pounds can look--a little goes a long way on a short frame.
(3) I've got plenty of emotional baggage from having been a fat kid--starting when I was 9, I was constantly tortured by everybody else for being fat (told I was so fat I looked pregnant...), or I was ostracized because of it. I suppose that makes me particularly sensitive.
(4) I have a niece that I love very much who has a terrible weight problem (she's only 8 years old and weighs as much as I do) and I feel pressure to be a good example for her
(5) It's infuriating when you have a seemingly simple goal, yet you cannot make yourself do what you need to do
(6) I've been trying to lose weight for 21 years and I'm getting awfully tired

Hello fellow sufferer. I read your post and identified with every word. I have read thread after thread on this site and wanted to so much to be like the winners. It just wasn't something, until recently, I could maintain through the weekends, holidays and vacations.
I have been fighting the same demons you are and, since I am 61, I have been fighting them a lot longer. I have been gaining ground lately and it is partly because I am finally, after only 50 years (I must be a really slow learner) making some headway. The problem is, we need to stop looking for answers to make this problem go away and just do it. By just do it, I mean suffer, suck it up, live with it, feel like we are starving and grind our teeth and be uncomfortable with the knowledge that it may or may not get better some day. I know there are a lot of people on this board who would disagree with what I am going to tell you is currently working for me. Forewarned, it is weird but, like you, I was desparate.

The adult in me knows exactly what to do to lose weight and has for many many years. I feel there is a spoiled little kid in my head who wants what she wants and she wants it RIGHT NOW. That child in me has spoiled a lot of my life and every attempt I ever made to change it. The adult has been losing to that kid for a very long time. So I asked myself, if I were a parent who had indulged a child for a long time and the child was spoiled, what would I do? I would make hard and fast rules and there would be consequences if the rules weren't followed and the rules would be inforced every time the child messed up. (Sounding schizphrenic enough yet??). So the rules for me are, Strict No S Monday through Thursday. Then, depending on my weekend, I decide if my 2 S days will be Friday and Saturday or Saturday and Sunday. I have been allowing myself 2 average size treats each S day until I learn that is enough for the average adult and anything more than that is just plan overkill. Now for the consequences if I don't follow plans (or as I like to put it, the little kid in me acts up). I have to write a sentence of my choosing 100 times for every failure. Like "Keeping my appetite under control feels better than any snack tastes." or "Food is too important in my life and I want to change." or "Overeating seems like fun but it has been making me miserable for a long time." Nutty huh? But I made myself do it only twice and since then it has been an incredible deterrent. I can eat whatever I want as long as I am willing to cramp up my hand writing positive affirmations. If the salted peanuts are looking good and I am really hungry, I don't say, I shouldn't or I could start over tomorrow. I say to myself, "go for it and then get out the pencil and paper." Been working for about 2 weeks now. No problem.
I really think we are just suffering from an obsession with food and what it means in our lives. We need to find a way to put it in its proper place and under our control. I'll bet any sort of negative consequence would work. We just give in too much and it's time to stop. Enough with the psychology and a little discipline.

Thank you, Pangelsue. That sounds like a good idea; at least it will make me pause before cramming stuff into my mouth when I'm not hungry. It is good to hear from somebody that actually understands the situation.

I wouldn't say I binge on weekends really. But I find myself in a similar situation. I am not really liking the transition from N-day to S-day. Eating say 15%-30% (unscientific guesstimate here) more has me feeling bloated and generally bleh. I'm considering stripping the weekend of "Special Status." We have 52 weeks in a year. So 104 week end days? Too many days to binge or over eat. I plan to add an extra bit of strictness to NoS starting this week. Only "Special Days" shall begin with "S." I'll post how this goes. Good luck to you as well. There is always a solution. It is usually just less fun.

Hi Hexagon!
Welcome

Treat S days like treat days! If a tiny bit of discipline helps you keep them from being bingefests, then good.. Maybe just say, each day I'll allow myself two S's..

But honestly, if you stick this out for long enough, and realize that the freedom aspect of the weekend is just as important as the strict aspect of the weekdays, eventually, you may end up posting something like this
"It was an S day and I actually didn't even feel like having too many S's", on your Monday check in!

But that might really take time to occur..
On one hand I agree with Sue and Hlid said that discipline must occur... But really it's much more productive (Sorry to be in opposition here guys, no disrespect!)
during the week..

This isn't a one month quick fix diet.. Or even a two month diet..
It works quite slowly, but it's very enjoyable.. The instant feedback you get from a binge weekend, will eventually "get" to you... You just won't seek it out anymore..
Learn from it, and take it in...
No beating yourself up, or punishing yourself will ever produce the results you want, which is to change yourself...

The only real way to change, is with patience and kindness to yourself..

Personally, I had wild and crazy S days, with my Son Richard for the first 6 or 7 months on NoS... We just passed two years here..
It gets much much easier to have moderate S days, with time..
The N days should be your obsession, and tough love time!!!
That's when you say "No!!!" it's not an S day! Heh heh..

Enjoy your S days! They are your reward!
I really understand that "pigging out" isn't really a reward, so I'm not really saying to do that... Just enjoy them...
What is enjoyment to you?
I personally hate enforcing any structure on S days.. They haven't caused me to gain anything back..
When I am being very good during the week, and exercise regularly, that's when I lose more... But it is slow, and you are right, it may be much harder to get those last stubborn pounds off..

Just stick with it okay? Add more exercise, like walking or whatever you like, and stick with it...

For people on a moderation style diet, not a restrictive one, it's usually expected to lose 20 lbs or there about (I lost 17) over a years time..
So, see you in 11 more months!

Hope you have a nice week!
Peace and Love,
Deb

hexagon,

In a rush, so I'm going to have to resort to bullet points:

1. How long have you been no-essing? The weekend binge might become less of an issue as you mature as a no-esser, even without conscious intervention. I know this may seem hard to believe, but it makes sense if you think about it: weekday habits start to take root. Your appetite's expectations start to get altered.

2. I would be careful about thinking of yourself as having some condition that your non-binging friends don't. Casting the problem in that light shifts the responsibility off yourself and sets you up for failure. It's not necessarily inaccurate, it's just unhelpful. You want to change, not describe your behavior.

3. If you don't want to wait for bullet point #1 to kick in, read the "sometimes" clause as meaning "once per S day." So stick with three meals, with one essey exception per S day.

Hope something here or elsewhere helps!

Reinhard

A couple of tricks I've learned about "s" foods...

1. Eat them away from home -- like a dessert at a restaurant.

2. Buy only single servings. Don't buy more than that to have at home. I think many of us will buy a cake or cookies or a bag of chips or whatever, and then proceed to eat the whole thing. ("I can't believe I ate the whole thing...") You can't eat what isn't there. And most of us are too lazy to leave home to get something when we have the craving for it.

3. Practice the ten-second delay. When you're tempted to eat an "s" food, or more of an "s" food than you should, take 10 seconds to consciously choose whether or not to eat that food. The point isn't the 10 seconds, the point is to delay your choice long enough for you to make it conscious. Then, no matter which choice you make, you know it's been up to you. It hasn't been habit or just the fact that it was available.

"The ten-second delay is really an exercise in mindfulness. It forces you to come back to the moment where you are and to think about what you are doing." Bob Greene

Wow!

Thanks for all of the support. Those are some helpful suggestions.

I guess I've been No-Sing for approximately 4 weeks now. The first two weekends were fine. The last two weren't. Last weekend I did throw a party, and while I did shove off most of the food onto other people (and I did have plenty of veggies and fruit available), I ended up bringing some home. Luckily I managed to foist the chips, the ice cream, the fancy cheeses and the cookies onto other people, so my pig-out mainly consisted of crackers with some asiago cheese and fruit salad. Um, and a piece of a French fruit tart. Maybe that doesn't sound so bad, but I know that it's pretty easy to kill weight loss, even if the stuff you're eating isn't particularly unhealthy, so then I get angry. Normally I don't keep any crackers or French bread or sweets around my home at all, so it isn't usually an issue.

The weekend before that I don't know what was going on. Usually I've got some stuff to do on the weekend, but I was hanging around the house too much that weekend and oops!

As long as I keep myself busy (which I normally am) it seems like I'm okay. It just seems that when something disrupts my schedule I can be vulnerable to mishaps. Any suggestions?

Also, does anybody have issues with eating along with alcohol consumption? Sometimes alcohol can really give me the munchies (and I inherited a very low tolerance, so it doesn't take much). I don't always like to be a teetotaler, though. Do you have any strategies?

Thanks again for all of the support.

Hexagon

As far as overeating on weekends, I really wouldn't beat myself up about it. That's what they're for: think "feast days" as much as "treat days". I've been on No-S for over a year, and for most of that year my S days were full of chocolate, cakes, cookie-dough, soft-drink, baked goods, seconds, chips etc. I would buy chocolate specifically for the weekend, write down things I wanted to have so that I wouldn't forget to buy and eat them (vanilla slice, apple pie, etc). And I usually felt sick and bloated at the end of the weekend.

The good thing was, I never felt guilty. Sick, yes, but not guilty. And over time, I got sick of feeling sick and started eating less on the weekends.

That is one thing I've noticed about No-S: It's self-regulating. On N-days, eventually your body realises it can't starve to death in four or five hours, and your meal sizes get reasonable. On S-days, your body (eventually) realises it feels awful by the end and after some time convinces your mind, and S-days become more reasonable.

I've lost about 48 pounds (22kg) since I started No-S, and that's with over-the-top S days and no exercise beyond walking to the train. (In August I started moving more, and recently I've also found other things to do than eat all Saturday and Sunday, but that was after a year).

I also have the little spoilt brat who has been winning for the greater part of my life! I conquored her 4 years ago and I know I can do it again. This year the brat has won more than lost to date, but as of yesterday that ends.

I am in control and I am 33 years old. My children are not allowed to carry on like this, so my inner child will be brought to heel as well. I know this is going to be difficult, but the time has come for me to stop making excuses and face up to life.

For me the reality of allowing my brat to rule is I will aggrivate my diabetic symptoms (nerve damage to extremities and glucauma are already starting) and I really don't fancy the long term realities of these. I know I cannot make them go away, but I can control them so that they do not take over my life.