Mea Culpa

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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zoolina
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Mea Culpa

Post by zoolina » Fri Feb 16, 2007 1:38 pm

Here's my latest check in post:

Day 5 Failure
Day 6 Failure
Day 7 Failure

Aargh. Habits down the drain. Blech. Didn't even want to post here but figured I had to own up to this. So, failure. So, back on track?

So strange: In the past 3 months I haven't been perfect, but I've had more successes than failures by far. Now I've just totally lost the plot. I don't even believe that I CAN get back on track.

As you can see, I'm in serious habit trouble. Am having a (miserable, sleepless, stressed out month with tons of minor issues all coming to a head at the same time) crisis of will and committment. Habits down the drain, feeling sloppy and floppy. Help and advice and motivational kicks in the rear appreciated...

zoolina

thtrchic
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Post by thtrchic » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:29 pm

Just make a decision to make your next meal a good one. And to not eat sweets or snacks between now and then. Don't think or worry beyond that point.

Saying you can't get back on plan guarantees you can't so also just stop saying that.

You can do it -- you know you can because you've done it before.

Julie

Kevin
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Post by Kevin » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:33 pm

I agree completely with Julie. Take one meal, one six hour fast without snacking, then another meal. For now, don't look at the big picture. One step at a time.
Kevin
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."

wosnes
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Post by wosnes » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:39 pm

I don't even believe that I CAN get back on track.
So think you CAN get back on track. Doesn't matter if you think you can or think you can't -- you're right.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

joasia
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Post by joasia » Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:49 am

just do it

Nike has the right motto. and the more days you do, the better and better you will start to feel. and in a few days, you will forget you ever blew it. New day, start fresh. I lost weight before and my mottos were:

If you want to move a mountain, you have to start with a single rock.
The only time you fail is if you stop trying.

and what I have found helps me on this diet: I remind myself that I can eat ANYTHING I want. this makes me feel like I am not dieting. Also try to take the focus off of the food. Immerse yourself in something else everyday to take the focus off of the scale.
The destiny of nations depends on the manner in which they feed themselves. Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Sat Feb 17, 2007 5:53 am

Wonderful advise from everybody. I will just add that getting off plan is like a panic attack. We can't think straight, we feel out of control and like a rabbit in headlights. That's why it works to do what the others are advising. Just like when panic strikes, we need to focus, slow down, breathe, tell ourselves this will pass and that we will be all right if we take it one step at a time, breathe deeper and slower and calm down. Then move forward slowly until we find our stride again. Or we can choose to continue the panic attack, feel miserable and out of control, tell ourselves all the scary and sad stuff we can think of and let it carry us away. It is really all up to us. I've made both decisions at one time or another and the one to calm down and take it one step at a time is better.
You can do it Zoolina. We all know you can.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:23 am

zoolina,

You didn't give a lot of detail about what the failures were, but I get the sense that you we're just super stressed and said "the hell with it?"

3 bad days is nothing you can't make up for in three good days. It's not the end of the world. Frankly, the only place it makes much of a difference is in your mind. Don't let it. How many years did it take you to get overweight? What is 3 days?

On the other hand, you can start building good habits quickly. The habits that will ultimately lose you the weight and keep it off can be built much more quickly than the weight itself will come off, and that makes things much easier.

Is the big problem stress? Sort of angry eating? Because you can't take it out on your boss you'll take it out on yourself? That's a tricky problem... and I'm not sure what advice to give you except to emphasize that you have to solve it. Clear, humane rules like no-s help, but somehow you're going to have to channel this anger in another direction. Sorry if I'm misdiagnosing here, but your failure entries are a little spartan.

Reinhard

zoolina
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Post by zoolina » Sat Feb 17, 2007 2:47 pm

Thanks for all the advice. Somethow it was important to me to acknowledge my failure in a more public venue than my check in, because I actually felt like cheating on the info in my check in, saying that I had 2 failures instead of 3, silly stuff like that.

I think, Reinhard, that you hit the nail on the head about angry eating and just saying "to hell with it". (I don't feel like posting all the gory details because it feels too much like whining and self pity and airing that much dirty laundry at once could get kind of stinky.)

And I've known for a long time that something has to replace my masochistic eating jags, my masochistic insomnia jags, my masochistic worry jags. But what? How can I just wake up at 40 and STILL feel like a 12 year old, feel so unworthy of taking control of my own life.

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:10 am

Who has control of it now if not you? You are already awake and maybe it seems like things are a mess but step one is still there waiting to be taken. If it's the right step, take step two. If it's the wrong step find a new step one. Continue with this plan.
There is a cool web site called 365 Tao. Everyday there is a new 2 minute meditation. Today's was called Knowledge. It was very cool and to the point. You might like it.
It is corny but true that this is the first day of the rest of your life. It is yours. It belongs to you and you have control of it. Right now you are exercising the personal right of chaos and uncertainty. Sometimes that triggers change. You can start exchanging it at any time for peace, acceptance and control. It works but you have to give up the notion of making life conform to your wishes and accept it first for what it already is. Then decide where you want it to go. Then begin (probably slowly) to go there.
Good luck and if you need to vent that is ok too.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

zoolina
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Post by zoolina » Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:13 am

Once, when I was about 13 and dealing with the aftermath of some prety nasty abuse, I saw an afterschool special where an Atticus-like single dad gave his teenage daughter what seemed to be the ultimate advice: Ïf you're fat, go on a diet; if you don't like yourself, change. Two sentences in paralell structure that pointed at the holy grail. All I have to do, I thought, is to change, change my way of thinking, change my way of being, and everything will fall into place, I''ll be happy and sane again.

But I have to admit, after nearly 30 years this mantra still, like Panglesue's advice to just make the choice to accept, find peace, find control, is as bewildering in its execution as it always was.

Oh, the diet part is easy: eat less, exercise more et voila! Yes, that's about right. That's true.

But the part where you just change? What's the "ëating less" and
"exercising more" for the change I'd like to bring to my head?

Now, of course it's true that I'm in control of my own destiny. I never would argue about that (ok, the stuff at work, the accident that keeps me from finding my peace through movement as I always have, that's not exactly in my control, though I do realize that my perspective on those things is). But the chemical reaction in my body where adreniline and cortisol pour in at the slightest bump in the plan seems just as beyond my control as the bumps themselves. Deep breathing, visualization, etc take the edge off but not the hard lump in my throat. And I'm not crazy, I'm not! But I can hardly believe that for some things there are such easy answers.

benjishi
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Post by benjishi » Sun Feb 18, 2007 9:27 pm

I have no specific knowledge of your physical condition, but as far as feeling out of control... Feelings ARE under indirect personal control.

Massage your expression off your face. Literally whipe it off your face. Smile instead. There is a physiological connection between facial expression and mood. Change your facial expression will work to change your mood.

Then find SOMETHING you can do to elevate your heart rate.

Then do it for at least 5 more minutes.

No more adrenalin. All spent up. No more lump in throat.

Fight/Flight stimulus expects a physical action, not vegas nerve supression.

Stress will happen in your life. You already have a recovery plan. Right now it seems be a very simple one. "Eat food."

You need to figure out a new one. Not give yourself a hard time about implementing your stress recovery plan.

not give yourself a hard time that you can't control your life to the point where you no longer experience stress.

Everyone has a stress recovery plan, concious or unconcious. Everyone experiences stressful events.

Make your recovery concious. Find a better way.

joasia
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food: the hardest drug of all

Post by joasia » Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:05 am

I think food is the hardest drug of all. Now, I am not saying that smoking, drugs, gambling, and anything else is not hard to kick. But I know people who have kicked their gambling, drinking, shopping habits. But you have to keep eating no matter what. I read a book called "Fat Fairy Godmother". I know the title sounds weird. But the book's whole theory is that people have weight problems for two reasons and two reasons only. Here they are in a summary:

1) Diets. Diets trigger the body's starvation mode. Diets make you feel deprived; so you binge. When you let go of the dieting, after a while you will lose the desire to binge.

2) unhappy lives. if something in your life is making you unhappy, take steps to change it. only this will help you stop using food to medicate

I think she is right on the money.
The destiny of nations depends on the manner in which they feed themselves. Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

kccc
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Post by kccc » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:08 pm

zoolina, I so relate to your post. I also just had a few failures in a row (well, a mid-week S was in there too). The scale zoomed up. I am trying not to look, and just get back to habits.

Sharing in case some of this is relevant to you...

When I am stressed, I eat. With an "I deserve this! So there!" attitude. I have come to see this as a mis-guided attempt at self-comfort. My "unintelligent default."

Right now, I am consciously looking for other "caretaking actions" that I can substitute, that I can turn into a new array of defaults. That's my goal - to replace eating with something that TRULY addresses the need... without leading to additional self-loathing down the line.

Just got an email from a friend on "dealing with Overwhelm" (overwhelm used as a noun, lol). The advice to get out:
1) Stop and BREATHE
2) Slow down. Be mindful. Focus on the moment.
3) Do one thing. Any activity that will move you out of paralysis. After you get moving again, you can start making choices and prioritizing. But the first goal is just to accomplish something. Anything. Focusing on ONE thing eases your mind. Accomplishing one thing boosts your self-esteem.

You can do this. So can I. :)[/i]

zoolina
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Post by zoolina » Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:37 am

Thanks Everybody!

Even if I don't reply right away, I'm really thinking about all the things everyone has said here and I'm trying, trying to get back on track. Yesterday was another failure. Erg. But I really do see No-S as a sane way to eat, and I know that I will make it back into the habit groove. I will!

I love using "overwhelm" as a noun!

One thing that I've realized is that since exercise has had to be cut way back lately (leg, knee, foot injury-- I'm on "relative rest" and have been for 3 months-grrr) I don't have one of my major coping mechanisms. The dark side of dealing (binge when stressed) is still there while the bright side (take a long walk, run) is out of bounds for a while. This means that it's been really hard to lose any weight (I was losing about 1/2 a lb a week until the accident and now my weight is absolutely stationary--a testimony to the effects of exercise on weight!) but it also means that I need to come up with some other positive coping mechanisms to relieve stress.

Shovelgloving is fine, as long as I use a light hammer. Any other ideas out there? What do people do to positively take the edge off of stress?

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:06 pm

I like having friends over (positive friends) or watching a really up movie or helping someone. I get blue a lot and I find there is nothing that helps me as much as getting outside myself for a while. I also like taking a ride someplace beautiful like a park or going to a store that has a look of beautiful stuff to look at.
With stress I look for the polar opposite to the stress. If the stress is cabin fever, I look for people and fun. If it is stess at work and 10 people lined up at my desk all day, I would choose park, meditation, happy movie, my stuffed bear and a hot tea, candles. Those are my coping skills.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

wosnes
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Post by wosnes » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:56 pm

In the last two weeks Oprah has done two shows about "The Secret" and there's been much discussion about it on other forums. The biggest secret about "The Secret" is that it's not a secret. It's appeared in numerous forms in various philosophies over at least the last century and is part of most motivational speakers/authors teachings. They just don't call it The Secret. If you apply it, it works no matter what it is you want. In a nutshell, here it is:

Focus on what you want (to be slim and healthy) rather than what you don't want (to be fat and unhealthy) and DO something about it; focus your energies in that direction. There you have The Secret.

One of my absolute favorite motivational speakers/authors is Larry Winget. In his book, Shut Up, Stop Whining & Get a Life he says: What you think about, talk about and do something about is what comes about. Everything you think, everything you say, and everything you do matters. It all moves you in one direction or the other. You don't get what you want until you know what you want. Otherwise what you get is what is left over.

(By the way, I highly recommend Shut Up, Stop Whining & Get a Life. But be aware, he doesn't soft-pedal what he says or cut anyone any slack.)

Simply put, if you think about and talk about being fat, fat is what you're going to be. If you think about and talk about not getting back on track, you won't get back on track. It's changing from negative self-talk to positive self-talk and putting action with it. Positive self-talk isn't enough; there has to be action associated with it.

It's very similar to what I posted a couple of months back:

http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=1552
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

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