Ramblings about my failure

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Sinnie
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Ramblings about my failure

Post by Sinnie » Wed Apr 04, 2007 10:49 pm

Hi all you NoSer's

I haven't been doing No S for a while. I've tried, but like everything else I can't stick to it. I fail before I even start by worrying myself to death with the most stupid thoughts (i.e. what if my friends want to get a drink and appetizers one night after dinner, what if dessert is offered and ill look rude and get weird questions if i don't take some, what if, what if, what if). I so totally understand that even if I did No S and failed here or there, I'd still be miles ahead.

My problem? I can't stick to anything. I did well in March (stressed with work and therefore just naturally didn't eat much). Now I'm back at school and the usual boredom and frustration with assignments just makes me eat. I feel mildly depressed and truly, as sad as this is, my pleasure comes from food. That's why it's so hard for me to stick to No S...I only get *three* truly blissful moments in a day...just three 30 minutes instances where I can enjoy myself and be happy. And because I feel this way I can't stick to it. I tried calorie counting, end up not recording everything and just eat everything in sight anyways.

I'm permanently up two pounds, and although it's not that much in the grand scheme of things, I've been stuck in this weight range for SO long, that it just infuriates me.

I don't know what I need right now. I'm just in such a rut. And have no one to tell about it. So I'm complaining to you people :) I know you will give me such wonderful opinions, advice and personal experiences which I appreciate so much. But I almost feel I'm wasting your precious time responding to me because I never seem to change. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm so dissatisfied with life that I need food to be friend. I don't know why if I want to lose weight so badly that I consistently sabotage my efforts. I guess it's the million dollar question.

There is no question that No S is the simplest way to eat and enjoy food. My goal is to make it one day NoS'ing. Just Thursday. And I'm going to post here about it. I think I need to take incredible baby steps.

Thank you kindly for listening to me.
Sinnie

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FarmerHal
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Post by FarmerHal » Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:19 am

Sinnie, keep posting here. Every time you want to eat something, post here. Type about the feelings your experiencing.

I could've typed the exact same post myself (go back and read on of my threads, "slipping")

One thing I've learned is even if I've had a very stressful day, food isn't going to solve the problem. It's best for me to acknowledge the problems, acknowledge the feelings I'm having (even if I have to say outloud "I'M FRUSTRATED ABOUT MY STOOPID TEETH!!!!) or whatever your issue is.

YOu can go ahead and eat the food which gives you pleasure, but it will only last those few moments. Plus you eat with such fury and guilt that it doesn't really taste that good anyway, you know?

Don't feel you're wasting anyone's time. You are reaching out for a hand and I'm here to listen and to offer what I can.

I've been noSing since December. My first month I did 21 days no problem, after that I bombed for 2 months. And then, after some soul searching and a very good noS buddy, I got back on track. (thanks Jaxhil!!)

So post here, start a daily checkin. Type whatever it is you need to type.

Also find something else that can give you pleasure. Bubble bath, a new outfit, gardening, etc. Don't make pleasure about food. Or at least try.

I have to stop now, my baby needs me but I'll be thinking of you :)
{FarmerHal} ...previously Shamrockmommy...
Vanilla NoS... Making good habits.
Restart 12/2015, size 22
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Bee
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Post by Bee » Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:30 am

Sinnie,
I don't have any very good advice for you, but I know you can do it. You have it within you, somewhere. You just have to find it! You have already come this far.

There is nothing to STICK to. This is part of your life and it is how you must conduct your life for the rest of your life. It is a small but important part. This isn't a project or a resolution or a goal. All it is is a way of eating that is no different from how many, many other other sane and healthy people eat.

It doesn't matter what other people think about what you eat. You gotta eat what is good for YOU. That is all that matters. Nothing wrong with saying "I'm on a diet, OK?" or "I'm full already" if people give you trouble. Nosy people!

And if eating makes you feel happy, then maybe there are other things out there that make you feel good too. Like drinking a cup of tea or doing a crossword puzzle or sudoku puzzle or taking a bath or chewing gum or watching TV or sitting/walking/running outside or curling up in a ball under the covers (my favorite activity) or whatever. Do these things, often. You can do stuff like that if it makes you happy, multiple times per day, guilt free! And you really deserve it!

All MUCH easier said than done I know. If you make a mistake acknowledge that it was the wrong thing to do and forgive yourself. And don't do it again. Don't give yourself a choice in the matter. This is important. You have to do it, one day or one hour at a time. And you CAN!

Sinnie
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Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:09 pm

Post by Sinnie » Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:24 am

And already I've gotten this incredible advice I knew I would get if I posted here. I can't help but wonder why I didn't post sooner. My conscience was telling me it wasn't right to "use" your advice since I haven't been a NoS'er for awhile, haven't even tried.

I feel touched reading your replies, us strangers, who genuinely care about the well-being and success of each other. Imagine what could be if everyone, everywhere provided this kind of support to each other.

I am heeding this advice, sincerely. I am going to post whenever I feel the need to vent (which is often) and I had to laugh out loud when Tiffani said even if its "I'M FRUSTRATED ABOUT MY STOOPID TEETH!!!!" Because in all likelihood, one day, it will be precisely something like that.

One bit of success for tonight, I made the decision to not end off in a binge even though I'm starting over tomorrow. I didn't eat, and it wasn't so hard. I watched tv, enjoyed the mindless shows, didn't feel guilty about the little work I got done today.

I'm not deluding myself, I know how hard this is going to be. I have MAJOR issues with overeating. I tend to work in cycles - do great for a week, then bomb etc.

Thanks again, please feel free to contribute any advice, I really listen to it.

lutherdog
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Post by lutherdog » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:45 am

Sinnie -

I once heard a piece of advice on how to quit being an alchoholic. It went: If you want to quit being an alchoholic, the first step is to quit drinking.

Big idea is that there's abu nch of other stuff afterwards that ironically is harder to solve. Without tackling that, you'll just end up drinking again.

The reason you are eating is either out of boredom or lonliness. I've wrestled with these issues before. Your mind is thinking you should stuff food into your body to make it feel full instead of empty -- which is what we feel like when we're bored or lonely.

Problem is you aren't having stomach hunger but head/heart/life emptiness.

You have to solve the real problem -- emptiness. And that can't be done by reading message boards. You gotta figure out why and work to solve.

zoolina
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Post by zoolina » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:53 am

Sinnie,

I'm so sorry that you have the food cumpulsion imp on your shoulder. I struggle with it too, and it often seems unfair to me that alcoholism or being a drug addict is so clearly a reason for getting professional help, when the tendency to use food as a drug is not.

No S provides good, solid eating rules, but it does not attack the source of your need to use food. It may be possible to just follow the rules but it might not be enough for you.

Listen, if you feel, even sometimes, that eating is the only bright moment in your day, then it seems to me (me being just a person somewhere in the internet ether and not a health professional, so take this with however much salt you need) that you could use more than this board for help. Does your school have a counselor or someone you can talk to?

Z

kccc
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Post by kccc » Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:54 pm

Sinnie,

I am finding that No-S is leading to a lot of other changes in my live. Not always easy, but incredibly positive.

Having given up "food as comfort and source of pleasure," I am slowly uncovering "what else?". What else is fun, engaging, pleasurable, inspiring...? And the flip side... why do I NEED comfort?

Not easy questions to answer, actually. Because it makes you think about who you are, what you want. Those BIG questions.

Some strategies...

- Imagine the part of you that wants to eat as a child. (I usually picture about 6-8 years - old enough to swing from reasonable to stubborn at the drop of a hat.) When you get the urge to snack, ask that child in your gentlest voice "What do you really want right now, honey?" Then listen. (And it's okay if the first few times, the answer is "a good cry.")

- Look for other strategies to "unpack" your life. I journal (meditation for Westerners who have trouble being still). Real meditation is good too. And here are some websites I've found helpful:
http://pos-psych.com/ (LOTS of good advice there)
http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/

- Come back and post whenever you need/want to. There are a lot of us "making peace with food" by "making peace with ourselves," and we help each other.

Best wishes.

LentilBean
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Post by LentilBean » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:47 pm

Hi. For me No S comes at the end of a process, not at the beginning.

Before coming to No S, I have had to examine a lot of other things about my life. I had to deconstruct and reconstruct the actual foundation upon which disordered and dysfunctional eating patters have been based upon.

With a matter as complex as dysfunctional eating patterns, I feel pretty strongly that you just simply cannot change behavior. Behavior change will not "stick" unless the deeper stuff gets unearthed and looked at. It's gotta be a two-pronged approach. At least that's what it's been for me and that's why, for the first time, I am confident that this approach to eating will succeed


Just my two cents...
"Lord, help me to seek the truth, but spare me the company of those who have already found it. Amen."

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Fri Apr 06, 2007 3:39 am

Lots of good responses here. I agree with many of them. I think there should be special instructions for those of us for whom food is not the issue. There are a lot of us here. We have tried every diet on the planet and none of them has worked. There are 2 commonalities I have noticed though. We all confuse food and bandaids for negative emotions. And, we all put ourselves down with the meanest self criticism we can think of. I have been working at it for over a year and have just reached the point where I have stopped putting myself down. I am noticing the failures that accompany bad days and I am learning from those experiences but it has been an extremely frustrating and maddening experience. But it is really the only answer for us food addicts. We cover every miserable feeling and experience we have with food. We fill the void. We avoid change. Eating is just easier. We are even willing to put ourselves down to avoid change. Wow. It is a lot of work. But I approach food peace a little more every day.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

Sinnie
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Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:09 pm

Post by Sinnie » Fri Apr 06, 2007 3:09 pm

Definitely a lot of food for thought. It really sucks when one has to resort to food to comfort bad feelings. For me, I don't think a counsellor would help although I'm sure people have had success with that. I am quite open with myself about why I am miserable sometimes. I also have times where I think I lead the best life possible. I suppose just part of being human. But my issue, I think, is that I get frustrated once I've started gaining weight and just seem to eat more. I get really frustrated with rules, having to worry about my weight, food etc. Then when I'd rather not do work, or am annoyed with something, it just drives me to eat.

Lutherdog mentioned that I have to solve the real problem which is loneliness and I won't be able to do that on a message board. I sat back with that thought and he is so right. I am lonely and that definitely adds to my problem. Not that when I haven't felt lonely I've been thin or anything, but its contributing to my difficulty in losing weight. But I don't know what to do about that...How does one start to feel un-lonely?
Sure, I've got friends, not one solid group but different people that I hang out with. I just don't feel that close with them.

In any case, I guess it's just something I have to work through myself. Not sure that I'll get there but I'll certainly try. Things will look up, I'm just in a rough patch now.

And for Thursday's update, I didn't follow No S. I did well up until 3:30pm when I suddenly got shakey-hungry on the train. Luckily I had a sandwich and pear on me which I ate. Don't know why my blood sugar dropped like that...totally weird when that happens to me occasionally. But anyways it tripped up the rest of the day.

Onwards, right? That's all we can do.

Thanks everyone SO MUCH for your ever-helpful support and thoughts.

Sinnie

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MerryKat
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Post by MerryKat » Wed Apr 11, 2007 10:44 am

I have been going through the same thing for 18 months now. I know No S works, I have proved it to myself 3 or 4 times when I did No S for a month at a time.

However, I always over think and pre-empt problems. The reality is if I don't look for problems they often don't happen! When I over think things, I over complicate them and start adding more and more restrictions to a wonderful plan - this turns it into just another bad diet.

I am committing myself to following No S - just the 14 words (no additional qualifications added by me) for the rest of my life.

Maybe my thoughts can help, but either way don't stop posting and you may be amazed at how far you go.
Hugs from Sunny South Africa
Vanilla No S with no Sugar due to Health issues - 11 yrs No S - September 2016 (some good, some bad (my own doing) but always the right thing for me!)

Sinnie
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Post by Sinnie » Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:06 pm

Hey Mo,

Thanks for telling me not to stop posting, silly as it sounds, I needed to hear that.

~Sinnie

hexagon
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Post by hexagon » Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:43 am

Hi Sinnie,

I hear you on the emotional eating issues. It's true that the real cure for the emotional eating is to solve those issues, but usually those are pretty deep-seated things or life situations that can take time to change.

I've found a few things have helped me a lot.

(1) Staying away from situations where I am bored/lonely, or at least finding a place where there isn't so much readily accessible food to be lonely. I moved a few months ago to a totally new area. I've been working hard and haven't had time to meet people, especially since I was limited by not having a car (finally I have one, woo!). Saturday nights sometimes suck, so I've gone to one of the late-night coffee shops sometimes to work on things. Even if I'm alone at my laptop, I'm out of the house, I'm keeping myself busy, and I can't just munch incessantly.

(2) Keeping trigger food out of the house. With my stress level, I've found that certain foods that normally aren't trigger foods have temporarily become that way. I'm working on dealing with the stress, but I've also just brought those foods to work. That way, I can eat them for lunch and not feel deprived, but I don't have constant access to them.

(3) Planning for events. You mentioned that you had situations worrying about whether your friends were going to get a drink, appetizers, dessert, etc. Either come up with what to say to them if they bug you about it, or work it into your schedule. At work, we often have Friday morning meetings where somebody brings in breakfast food. I either eat something beforehand or I make Friday one of my S-days; that way, I can eat what my colleagues eat and not feel deprived.

I've looked at what my thin co-workers eat. They do go ahead and eat the Friday morning pastry. However, most of them eat most breakfasts at home, and bring their own lunches, and eat home-cooked dinners. Basically, they eat so-called "bad" foods in moderation--they don't deny themselves, and they otherwise eat pretty reasonably.

(4) Fitting in some sort of exercise during the day. This is especially effective if I do it in the morning, but also works if I do it later on (say, taking my 50 minute walk home from work). Somehow it puts me into a health-conscious mood and I'm less likely to slip.

(5) Eating large-volume foods, or foods that take a longer time to eat. I really like to eat, and my brain is easily fooled by volume. I'll find a meal more satisfying if it looks bigger and I have to take more time chewing it (a big fresh salad instead of a piece of bread). This is why I don't do smoothies or fruit juices much--sure, they taste good, but I gain more general satisfaction out of eating an apple rather than drinking apple juice.

One thing to remember is that while it probably isn't a good idea to get *all* of your life's pleasure from food, you shouldn't feel totally guilty about it. To me, food and the ability to taste and smell it are one of life's great simple pleasures. It's no wonder that many of us turn to it when the rest of our lives are unpleasant--it's arguably one of the most easily accessible forms of basic pleasure available to us. I guess my point is not to beat up on yourself too much--I mean, heck, we're biologically programmed to really dig food! This isn't to say that it is good to continue the same behavior if it ultimately makes you unhappy, but maybe taking a more loving, understanding attitude towards yourself could help.

I still struggle with the same issues you do. I'm not perfect, and I've probably still got 15 pounds to chuck off (hey, less than before). Despite my struggles, I'd have to say I've felt WAY better about food overall since I found No S. I don't feel like it is my enemy anymore. Even though No S sets limits, I don't feel really deprived or restricted. I think somehow it has helped me to shake off some of the guilt I've carried about "taboo" foods. It's also made me accept that if I want to lose weight, I must work at it--it takes life and attitude modifications. Ridding myself of some guilt and accepting that I *do* have to change have quelled some of my tendencies towards rebellion that made my relationship to food dysfunctional and sometimes agonizing. Maybe you have to really think about your mindset a bit--it kind of sounds like this rebellion issue is going on with you too (I think it happens with many of us!) For many of us, losing weight goes far beyond merely sticking to some rules--it means evaluating our attitude towards food, ourselves, and our lifestyle in general.

Best wishes,

H

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:23 pm

Think of anything else you ever learned in your life. Writing letters of the alphabet, reading, swimming, riding a bike, driving a car, cooking, knitting, making friends. Were any of them easy? Did you learn them with one try or were the trial and error? Did you start slow, get frustrated? Think you would never learn it? We are not dieting here, we are relearning to eat. The only thing harder than learning something you never did before, is retraining yourself to do something that is already habit. Please stop thinking diet and start looking at this like a course in food eating 101. Then 102. Then advanced. The bachelors, masters and doctorate. All along the way, there is will be successes, failures and progress if you stay focused.
You can do it.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

Sinnie
Posts: 1373
Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:09 pm

Post by Sinnie » Sat Apr 14, 2007 3:59 pm

Hexagon and Pangelsue, great advice.

Hexagon, I read through your post very slowly and thoroughly - there is such wisdom to be had in your writings. I like your idea of going to coffee shops to get some work done and something I used to do in the past. I kind of forgot about doing that. It's better just to be out of the house sometimes, even if you're not officially with friends/partner, but just to be around people.

It's definitely a life and attitude adjustment. Luckily, I seem to have done okay the past week. I haven't literally stuck to the three rules, but as Pangelsue said, it's not a diet. It's course of learning to eat. And I didn't overeat or pick at foods, which are my biggest weaknesses. If I can get my emtions under control so that I feel it rather than stuff it, I truly believe my food issues would become a non-issue.

I too have about 15 pounds to lose and I think I can slowly get there by focusing on the process, not the pounds or a "diet."

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

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