suggestions for rude people?

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating

Post Reply
joasia
Posts: 1105
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:22 pm
Location: California

suggestions for rude people?

Post by joasia » Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:12 pm

I have a few relatives who find it their business to comment on my weight, that I am not losing fast enough etc. Although I know they have my best interest in mind, I find their pressure unhelpful. Any suggestions for responses that are not rude?
The destiny of nations depends on the manner in which they feed themselves. Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

ThomsonsPier
Posts: 321
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:18 pm
Location: Reading, UK

Post by ThomsonsPier » Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:53 pm

It sounds to me that they're currently being the rude ones. I find being exquisitely polite works wonders. If they're not exactly paragons of fitness, a few words about glass houses might be in order.

That's probably not much help, is it? Maybe a simple thanks for the concern, but you're quite happy with your progress. Slow and steady wins the race, and all that.
ThomsonsPier

It's a trick. Get an axe.

User avatar
paulrone
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:42 pm
Location: Missouri

Post by paulrone » Tue Jul 24, 2007 4:03 pm

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to change the subject very abruptly. It makes the point very obvious without starting a battle. Imagine a conversation like this:
Antagonist: "I guess that new diet isn't working very well, is it?"
You: "What do you mean?"
Antagonist: "Well, you don't seem to be losing any weight."
[Awkward pause]
You: "Have you talked to Aunt Glenda lately? Is her hip still giving her fits?"

If that's too passive-aggressive for you, the direct approach is my preference for dealing with nosy/difficult questions:
Antagonist: "I guess that new diet isn't working very well, is it?"
You: "What do you mean?"
Antagonist: "Well, you don't seem to be losing any weight."
[Awkward pause]
You: "I really don't want to talk about it right now. Let's change the subject."
Antagonist: "I'm only bringing it up because I care about you."
You: "Thanks, but I still don't want to talk about it."
The key here is to do what you say - don't talk about it. Don't answer any questions, don't try to give short placating replies. Stick to your guns and don't talk about it.
I have difficult family members to deal with as well, so I know what this is like. Try to let it slide off your back. Don't let it get you down.
-Sometimes Fundamentalist and self-appointed King of the S-day Moderates
"As it is (sometimes) written, so let it (sometimes) be done."

User avatar
Jammin' Jan
Posts: 2002
Joined: Thu May 05, 2005 2:55 pm
Location: The Village

Post by Jammin' Jan » Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:36 pm

Just smile sweetly and say you are satisfied with your diet. Then change the subject. Always be polite and forgiving. I know, sometimes it's easier said than done!
"Self-denial's a great sweetener of pleasure."
(Patrick McGoohan's "The Prisoner")

User avatar
ClickBeetle
Posts: 410
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 7:28 pm
Location: North Carolina, USA

Post by ClickBeetle » Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:29 am

That is indeed quite rude behavior.

You could say very sincerely, "Thanks for your input" or "Oh, thanks for pointing that out; I'll take it into consideration". Then change the subject without rancor.

Or, if you want to gently let them know how that makes you feel, (which is perfectly OK) you could say, "Oh, I know you didn't mean that in a hurtful way. But I do feel a bit sensitive about my weight, so if you don't mind, I'd like to change the subject" and then do it. It's tough to really say this in a gentle way.

Having a new subject ready to roll helps, too.
Chance favors the prepared. - Louis Pasteur

silverfish
Posts: 115
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:17 am
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Contact:

Post by silverfish » Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:51 pm

I'd tend to go with, "What makes you think I'm trying to lose weight?" In my case, this was true - I wasn't actually trying to lose weight, NoS just seemed like a sensible approach to food :)

Mind you, the other day someone told me, "You probably don't need to lose any more weight." (To which the response is the same).

User avatar
gratefuldeb67
Posts: 6256
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:26 pm
Location: Great Neck, NY

Post by gratefuldeb67 » Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:56 am

That is a real tough one!!
The thing to keep in mind is that everything is pretty much a projection of our own reality and not to take what others say personally even if it's directly spoken to you and seemingly about you.. It's really *not*!!
It's about them!! So I would be very passive, actually, and simply say back to them, "Okay, I hear you"... That's not rude, and yet it's also not accepting their projection as your own reality..
But another great thing, incase you go into "defensive" mode (which you shouldn't, because you know you are doing this in the perfect time and speed for *you*, might be to say, "Well it's clinically proven that the slower one loses, the healthier it is, and the better the chances of keeping it off".. and maybe add "I'm not in any rush"...

If they keep prodding you and nagging you, I would simply say, "I am completely satisfied with what I am doing.. If you think it's not fast enough then perhaps you should focus on your self and your own behaviours.. This need for losing quickly isn't really about me, it's about you, and your projections are unhelpful to me"..

Hah.. I guess that last one is a mouthful, but maybe say it to yourself internally, and you will be able to endure their annoying blather..
Peace and Love,
8) Debs
There is no Wisdom greater than Kindness

Post Reply