Failures and moderation?

Betty · Post by **Betty** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 12:39 pm

I've decided to pracitce "extreme moderation" even on my failures. What usually happens is this: I get hungry or nibbly and secumb to a snack, then realizing that I've just had a failure, I decide that since I've already failed I can go ahead and ransack the fridge.

To counteract this, I've a new habitcal tag: NoBingeFailure. The idea is that even if the unthinkable happens and I do break down, the failure stops with whatever I have in my mouth. So if a coworker brings in birthday brownies at work and I end up having one, but I stay on track the rest of the day, I tag my day as a failure but the fact that I didn't binge or have more than that one S as a success.

What do you think about this? Do you think it would be a stronger signal to just tag the day as an absolute failure?

Betty

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:39 pm

It depends on what problem you're working on.

I think binging is pretty serious, so if the habit of NOT binging is what you're working on, go with it.

Having the two tags, one for not binging and one for strict NoS could certainly work.

Post by **reinhard** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:39 pm

I think it's a great idea. Not necessarily for everyone, but if you have this problem when you fail of feeling like since you've blown it already you might as well pig out, an additional disincentive like this might be just what you need.

Best of luck with your new supplemental habit and keep us posted. I think a lot of people might benefit from this. In addition to helping yourself, you're doing valuable reconnaissance for others (a motivating thought, I think -- so even more help for yourself).

Reinhard

Too solid flesh · Post by **Too solid flesh** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:56 pm

I know what you mean, Betty.

On habitcal, if I make one slip I mark the day red rather than green, but I wish there was an orange colour option for days when I have one minor slipup but the day is otherwise fine. I have wondered about using white squares as a surrogate orange. Does anybody do this?

ClickBeetle · Post by **ClickBeetle** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:18 pm

Yeah, oh, I can totally relate. I have a lot of difficulty with all-or-nothing thinking and it's easy to call it a day if I slip up once. That word "failure" is like a poison pill for me.

So I've been saying "so what" if I do eat some hard candy (like a few lifesavers) or nibble a bite of brownie. I call it a success and move on, if the day didn't include any other slip-ups (and it's less likely to become a big screw-up if I say "little screw-ups are all right.")

I take the "de minimis impact" approach, I guess. (Lawyer thing.)

You can see in my daily check-in that I do this most days, yet I've still lost about 3/4 pound per week right steadily. And that's all I really need to know.

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 4:07 am

I love it!!! Acknowledging (sp???) it and yet not letting it become a total vicious cycle.. Very very good!!!
If you can do this, I will applaud you loudly!!!
I don't want to wish you a failure, but well how can I put this..
I wish you only successful failures! LOL..
What this really is, to me, is a wonderful exercise in consciousness, and really self love.
Good for you!

Peace and Love,

Debs

Jammin' Jan · Post by **Jammin' Jan** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 11:14 am

I think this is a reasonable approach and you should go with it.

Post by **reinhard** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:13 pm

I wish there was an orange colour option for days when I have one minor slipup but the day is otherwise fine

Hmmm... another vote for "orange"...

I'll factor this into my considerations...

Reinhard

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:47 pm

Hi all! I hope I'm not going to come off as totally contrary or anything but I wanted to add my two cents here.. I don't feel the "orange" area is helpful..
I personally cringed, and Reinhard and older members here can attest to it, at the word failure for quite some time when I was in my first few years.. Infact I was pretty vehemently against the whole concept, and thought it was a total psych out to use that word...
But at this point, from a lot of experience on both sides of the fence, the very strict and the kindly and gentler version of this plan, I'd say, that just keeping the green and red and yellow as is for the week is a much more helpful and real approach to all this. It is self love to accept that we have occasional failures.. That certainly doesn't make the whole day bad, but what it does bring to the picture, when you decide to put "red", is being honest with yourself..
The road to success is paved with failures all.. That's even something Einstein said.. something to the effect of "I failed my way to success"..
This is part of the process.
Trust me.. Seeing three days with green and two with red is way more empowering than a bunch of orange, because it's not taking into account the degree of the slipup and then it just becomes one big mess to decide how well you did in the end... Maybe it's not gonna be a bunch of green at the beginning, but that should be the motivation to change and improve whatever habit is giving you trouble.
I don't really think of my red days as massive failures and if I do, I will post it on my thread, but if I try to gloss over them, how can I change for the better in future??
I used to accept 75% success rate here and (sorry I am repeating myself again about the weight loss, I'll try not to keep on about it) and still lost 17 pounds in a year.. At this point, it's inspiring to me to see more successes and I'm hoping it turns into more like a 30 pound loss this year!
The last time I had a red box was last Friday.. I gave it to myself because I didn't want to wait till Saturday for ice cream with my son, and we ate our nice dessert at about 6 or 7... Close enough to Sat that I almost decided to give myself a green box.. But trust me people, when you really and truly deserve that green box, the red ones actually help make them more special..
Kinda like, you can't really appreciate happiness, unless you have experienced sadness or something like that.. Yin Yang kind of mentality..

Well I'm rambling now..
If you don't like the word failure, then think "Off plan"..
Frankly, I doubt many of us would be here, if we all had great boundaries regarding overeating and oversweeting, so I am 100 % of the opinion that we should just keep those rules as clear as we can for our own sake.

What I would suggest as an alternative to individual "orange" days, though I don't think it's much of an original idea, is to take stock of the whole month and then apply the "Personal Mount Olympus" medal style rating to the whole month. It helps to keep focused on the bigger picture, and you can see where your "red" patterns are.. maybe theres a pattern...

Have a wonderful weekend all!
Thanks for letting me give my opinionated 2 cents!

Peace and Love,

Debs

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 4:00 pm

gratefuldeb67 wrote: The last time I had a red box was last Friday.. I gave it to myself because I didn't want to wait till Saturday for ice cream with my son, and we ate our nice dessert at about 6 or 7... Close enough to Sat that I almost decided to give myself a green box.. But trust me people, when you really and truly deserve that green box, the red ones actually help make them more special.

I'm going to have to agree here.

I've started using the HabitCal. My schedule for several habits involve swimming or lifting weights on certain days.

I did not swim on a day I was supposed to. I listed it as a red failure. I did indeed fail to swim that day.

I swam the next day... an "S-day" for swimming. I listed it with the yellow exemption because it was not a scheduled day to swim.

I really like the idea of not being able to make up for stuff. It prevents procrastination and reinforces that really, all you have is the now in which to choose.

For me, where it has been most useful is for completing the first draft of a novel I am working on. My writing schedule requires that I write 1,000 words a day on it. I often got myself into trouble by saying, "AWww, I don't feel like writing tonght. 2,000 words isn't that much. I'll make up for it tomorrow."

I got very behind in my production schedule. So for me, it's 1,000 words a day, no makeups, no excuses.

In fact, I need to go swim now, so I can get the green light for that today!

Betty · Post by **Betty** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 5:35 pm

Although I'm just a No S novice, I tend to agree with Deb about not having orange days. Too many colors imply too many choices. It is also very vague in that although it suggests the failure wasn't too bad, but doesn't give any exact idea of what happened. Was it a few string beans while making dinner or a more major sort of minor slip up?

What I'd like, instead, is the possibility of putting an asterix on a red day and writing a little note about what happened and why. for example: Failure*

* Stringbeans while making dinner

or * got so hungry I just caved: peice of toast with pb

or * a bag of chips and half a box of cookies. I feel awful.

Anyway, thanks for the support with my NoBingeFailure idea. I hpoe it works.

Betty

Pam324 · Post by **Pam324** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:27 pm

I too, am a No S novice and have had difficulty with the "black or white" idea of success or failure when we're working on changing several different habits at the same time. I agree about not having orange days because they seem to soft peddle failure and sort of provide an excuse for the behavior.

I'm trying something a little different which seems to be working for me (maybe I just need babysteps). I have five tags/five calendars..
1. NoSw, 2. NoSn, 3. NoSe, 4. Exer, 5. Ceiling. With these individual calendars I have a clear picture how I'm doing in each area. If I fail in one area but still have success in the others, I feel more positive and encouraged to persist in my efforts. 'Hope this helps someone else having the same issues.

tomahawkk · Post by **tomahawkk** » Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:08 am

of not binging as a sort of success! I'm going to add that to my tags right now!

Post by **reinhard** » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:33 am

Thanks all for chiming in on this issue. I think I'll leave out orange for now, both for aesthetic and anti-mushiness reasons. Adding a "nobinge" or equivalent habit if you need it seems like a good way to deal with this problem without these trade offs. Breaking down no-s into subcomponents as Pam is doing also sounds like a reasonable approach.

A change I will make to the habitcal (though it's been harder to find the time than I'd hoped) is to add the ability to add free text notes, as Betty suggests. That way you can explain what a particular failure consisted of. People who are prone to binge could make this non-optional, and the knowledge that they have to qualify their failures would serve as additional incentive to keep them small.

Reinhard

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