Lost cause

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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lucdown
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Lost cause

Post by lucdown » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:34 am

Hi guys,
Forcing myself to post here despite feeling utterly dejected and hopeless about myself when it comes to my eating. After 2 relatively good weeks on this no s diet (which I agree with philosophically) I have stuffed up, and probably gained the 1.4 kg I lost (and then some). Why do I sabotage myself like this??? I manage every other aspect of my life, why can't I do this??? It's going to be another fat summer again...
Sorry to be on a downer... just can't see my way out of it.
Alison :?:

florafloraflora
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Post by florafloraflora » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:41 am

Lucdown, I've had a million false starts and slip-ups since starting No-S back in January, but I keep trying and I'm getting a lot better at it.

What has really helped me is to mark the days off on a wall calendar in my kitchen: green circles for N-days, orange circles for S-days (because yellow is too hard to see), big red X's for the (increasingly rare!) slip-ups.

Another thing that has helped me is to make sure that my meals are tasty, varied and satisfying even on N-days.

Don't give up!

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NoelFigart
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Post by NoelFigart » Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:20 pm

Changing a habit, especially a long-term one can be hard, especially when there is a lot of emotional investment in it.

Sometimes, if the problem is overwhelming, it can be helpful to break it down into steps.

Sometimes you can just do full blown No S right off the bat. That's cool. Know what? I couldn't. I had to retrain my body.

First to eat three actual, proper meals a day, instead of skipping meals.

Then to drop out late night snacks.

Then to retrain my body so that it could expect to be fed only at certain times. Since mealtimes were irregular in my household, I had to start to plan to have specific meals at specific times. Your body will respond to this after awhile. Some people find jumping in with both feet works best and other people find easing into it works best. Personal taste.

No sugar and no seconds were never a big issue for me but if they are, you can break those down into baby steps, too.

I did not jump into that all at once. I am not sure if it would have worked for me.

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:27 pm

Allison,

I think this feeling of hopelessness is the problem.

You are perfectly capable of doing this, I can see that from your initial run of green on the habitcal -- but you get so worked up about one tiny imperfection that then the whole thing doesn't seem worth it and you give up.

Don't let yourself think like this. This is worse than overeating. This is what makes you overeat.

What are some practical steps you can take?

1. Some people have been putting "nobinge" or something equivalent on their habitcals as a safeguard against this kind of self destructive tendency. You might want to generalize even further and call it "failgracefully" or "failwell." It's a sytematic way to be on your guard against it, and gives you some "chromatic" incentive to catch yourself.

2. Focus on one day at a time. Don't worry about yesterday. Don't let yesterday's red upset you. Just go for green today. When you do slip up, look at it from the opposite point of view: one slip up is nothing compared to the rest of your life. 10 slips ups in a row are nothing. Get right back on your feet and it simply doesn't matter.

3. Worry less about consecutive green than breaking up consecutive red. Get a green day in there, just one green day.

4. In terms of results, you are thinking on way too small a scale. 1.5 kg is nothing. I gain and lose that every single day. Because it's so difficult not to be phased by insignificant fluctuations, I wouldn't bother thinking about results at all -- just keep up the behavior.

More on that here:

http://everydaysystems.com/podcast/episode.php?id=24

5. Try to have a sense of humor about this. If you shake your head and laugh at your weaknesses instead of tearfully castigating yourself, your odds of succeeding are going to be dramatically (in both senses of the word) improved. Make this a comedy instead of a tragedy.

Reinhard

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Hunter Gatherer
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Post by Hunter Gatherer » Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:10 pm

What Reinhard said about breaking up red with green is true. Think of it this way- you start off all red (except for s-days: it is impossible to fail on s-days). Even if you start off super-slow, say one green day a month, that's still a big improvement. Step it up to one green day a week and it becomes a huge improvement. Any improvement is better than none.

Remember: one of the big benefits of no-s is the way you break things down. Start off the day with your goal being that day. You don't need to worry about the past. Or break it down even further. Somebody on this board (sorry I don't remember your name somebody!) would break it down into meals saying "I can last x hours until my next meal."

Also, I have to agree with Reinhard again about weight fluctuations. I have a friend who used to say "5 pounds? I can lose 5 pounds by having a bowel movement!" (crude, but accurate) My advice is to pull a Deb and smash your scale with a sledgehammer.
"You've been reading about arctic explorers," I accused him. "If a man's starving he'll eat anything, but when he's just ordinarily hungry he doesn't want to clutter up his stomach with a lot of candy."
Dashiell Hammett

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NoelFigart
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Post by NoelFigart » Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:15 pm

Hunter Gatherer wrote:My advice is to pull a Deb and smash your scale with a sledgehammer.
Please tell me this is an official Shovelglove movement!

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gratefuldeb67
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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Fri Aug 10, 2007 7:16 pm

Thanks Hunter for remembering that glorious day! LOL!!
Yes NoelFigart, it's true.
I took my scale out in the backyard a few years ago and smashed it to bits with my sledghammer!
Was very envigorating!!! :twisted:
I even hung the "killed" scale on the wall like a trophy for a while! LOL :lol:

Don't give up LucDown!
Real permanent weight loss takes time and perseverence!!
Fad diets set us up for being psyched out because you are duped into thinking that losing 30 lbs in one month is doable and real. It's not!
Stick with this through the ups and downs and you will see that the downward trend will win out!
Since May I lost 9 pounds, and now it's 8 due to a less than perfect week..
It was 7 before that.. Just keep getting back on that horse!!!
I figure if I lose two pounds a month I am doing great. I could put myself through mental agony and *expect* more, like one or two pounds a week, but I know for me that's totally unrealistic as I am doing the most maintainable version of this plan for me as I can.. That includes a bunch of messups for the month, but I don't get psyched out and quit.

Okay so the end of the year I am guessing I may be down about 24 pounds.. If I think of this in the context of those fad diets, and even the not so fad ones like Weight Watchers, it doesn't sound great, but I know it is because I didn't make myself insane in the process and I'm not going to undo it all by then yoyoing around for years on end.
Two good weeks is a great beginning! Don't give up!
Your ratio of good and bad weeks will fluctuate over time, and that's simply unavoidable, so just accept that and have faith that you will get there with time and perseverence! Just expect some bad patches and don't get psyched out!!

Peace and Love,
8) Debs
There is no Wisdom greater than Kindness

lucdown
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Post by lucdown » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:43 am

Thanks so much for your very sound and accurate advice, everyone. Why pay a therapist when you've got this sort of help for free!!!
You have summed me up perfectly... a perfectionist who operates on the all or nothing premise and takes it all far too seriously. I think the advice about the scales is spot on. They rarely work favorably for me. I NEED TO GET RID OF THEM and measure success according to occasional green days.
Thanks again. I can't think of another program that gives such heartfelt advice and encouragement.
Quote of the week for me is Reinhart's comment: Make this a comedy instead of a tragedy...
Alison :lol:

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ClickBeetle
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Post by ClickBeetle » Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:59 pm

Hey Lucdown,

Keep on truckin!! Remember that rule that Reinhard has posted about it takes 18 tries (or whatever) to establish a new habit. I KNOW it for a fact. Just think, you had two whole weeks of good eating.

I struggle with all-or-nothing thinking, so I know it's really tough. Assure yourself that all-or-nothing thinking is NOT rational, it is NOT your friend, and it will NOT help you (paradoxical as it may seem) to do things better.

"Successive approximation" is the way to go. Honest.
Chance favors the prepared. - Louis Pasteur

jobo
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in the same boat

Post by jobo » Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:08 am

I feel like I'm sinking fast too. For three weeks I was doing great, now for the last 4 days the anchor is around my neck, and I am going down fast. I made a resolve though, that Monday, will be my new start, once again :)
I keep wondering how can this happen to me? I've kicked other habits (alcohol for 13+ years) but food is a different issue for me. It goes really deep!!!!!!



Be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi

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