Are there other nearly-former OAers here?

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:03 pm

As I have mentioned on other threads, I have attended OA meetings for the past seven months without any success. In the past two weeks doing No S, my food obsession has diminished and I am beginning to feel like a person who no longer has an eating disorder. I get so little out of OA that it seems like a waste of time. On the other hand, I guess that I have been going to those meetings long enough that I feel that I have to "keep coming back." Is anyone else in this position? Thanks for any response!

Noturningback · Post by **Noturningback** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:12 pm

I have attended OA meetings twice in my life. Admittedly, not for a long period of time. Personally, I felt great shame after attending those meetings. Shame I never felt before. Normally, I'm a pretty happy go lucky person and as far as my obesity is concerned, I'm neither proud nor ashamed. It just is what it is and I would like to lose a chunk of weight for my health. If I look good in jeans after the weight loss - great but, my goal isn't to become a super model. There is nothing wrong with that goal. It's just not mine.

The difference with OA vs. AA, for example, is that we have to eat to live. They compensate that with a very stringent eating plan/sponsers. It makes sense on the surface but, who could keep that up? It may work for others and God bless if it has helped - for me it made things worse.

~Danielle

Rheba · Post by **Rheba** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:32 pm

Did OA years ago and must say that the memories aren't that good. We had a small group...only about 5 of us and one of them was very good at making you feel pretty small. She was going to therapy as well and thought she knew it all and could twist things around that you said until you thought something totally different. Talk about controlling! My sponsor was a sweet lady but not practicing what she preached. Therefore any weight I lost, I regained very quickly. I no longer want to be a part of any program that makes you feel less than what you are which is why this No S plan appeals to me. And from what I have read on the posts so far, most of us, if not all of us, are so fed up with the diet industry and what they have been trying to push down our throats and into our minds that we will definitely succeed this time. No, I will never ever go back to the OA organization again. And I do realize that not all oa'ers are like the ones I encountered but it sure did color my impressions of the group. Weight watchers was another plan that some of the leaders made me feel "small" when I would ask a question. I don't need that kind of put down...I can do a good enough job doing that to myself!!!

If you feel that OA is helping you in any way, I say, go for it. But personally, I feel doing No S is all I need anymore.

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:30 pm

I am still currently a member of OA, but have recently been re-thinking the idea in my mind. If it hasn't worked in 7 years (+/-), what makes me think it's going to now? Yes, they do say "keep coming back" and "don't quit until the miracle happens" but jeesh! Then there is that other thing I have heard at meetings: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, in all the time I've been going, there was only one stretch where I lost weight and kept it off for a while. (See my post under the silly diets thread for a more detailed explanation of how that went.)

I have met a few great women there and I hope we'll still be friends when I do leave. I am not sure just how much longer I will go, but it won't be long now.

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:50 pm

I belonged to OA for 5 years, ending more than 15 years ago.
At that time the group was quite tolerent of any kind of diet plan,
with some old timers very gung ho and into "Grey Sheet"...
Grey Sheet...what appears to be a modified Stillman/Atkins diet.

I understand that after I left, OA had a big split, where most of the "Grey Sheeter's left and formed "H.O.W.",
which is like OA but requires very rigid adherence to Grey Sheet or lack of acceptance.
Sorry, I just cannot believe eating reflined carbs is just like drinking alcohol.

I lost 100 lbs in it, and then gained 100 lbs in it.
Great company, wonderful philosophy.
I believe that working the 12 steps made me a much better person,
however, I don't think that program is the answer to losing weight or keeping it off.

Rheba · Post by **Rheba** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:13 pm

oh my! I had forgotten the "gray sheet"! Yes, it was so like the atkins/stillman diet...........but I did the stillman diet and got deathly sick.....before the oa program. Yes, I agree it probably did make me into a better person and helped me get rid of some baggage that I carried with me for oh so many years....but it didn't help me keep the weight off.
And I don't know that playing the blame game as I did in OA is a good idea either...yes, my past did play a part in why I overate but when it boils down to the nitty gritty...I am still the responsible party. Ouch!!! That hurts......but then they always do say that the truth hurts.

I still say if OA helps you, go for it. If it doesn't and it is causing you to stumble...ditch it! Go strictly No S and enjoy life the way you are supposed to. And I know that ending a sentence with a preposition is'nt correct but sometimes you have no choice!!!

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:12 am

flipturn,

as you know I am an ex-oaer. I started YEARS ago back in the early 80s there were some helpful things about it at the time but I was never able to achieve:

food sanity
long term abstinence
or
sustainable weightloss

I think grey sheet actually EXACERBATED my binge eating disorder. I FINALLY saw the light and stopped going to ALL meetings at least two years ago. I did a lot of research and found that most addiction recovery is unrelated to twelve steps... i.e. developing a loving a relationship or getting a life, something like that. ANYWAY until NO S I have not been able to create a structured sustainable eating style with my food.

This is why I love No S. I was just reading the book and saying this is so OBVIOUS.

So having wasted many years and hours in OA meetings, I am not a great fan.

Blueskighs

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:44 pm

BrightAngel wrote:I belonged to OA for 5 years, ending more than 15 years ago.
Great company, wonderful philosophy.
I believe that working the 12 steps made me a much better person,
however, I don't think that program is the answer to losing weight or keeping it off.

When I made the above statement, I hope I made it clear that
I found the PEOPLE I met in OA to be great company,
and I find the 12 Steps a wonderful philosophy.

I am a firm supporter of 12 step recovery programs
with regards to alcoholism and drug addiction.
While I think following the 12 step philosophy will benefit anyone,
it simply isn't the answer to weight loss or curing eating disorders.

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:55 pm

Ditto, bright angel.

I have met some wonderful people in OA and AA (though I do not consider myself an alcoholic, I attended to hear recovery). But, I just do not see the 12 steps applied to food with much success. Only those that follow a very rigid food plan lose weight and keep it off (and only if they continue with the rigid food plan). That is not what I consider recovery. I want sanity around my feelings about food, not even more obsession.

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:39 pm

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful responses. I didn't go to a meeting yesterday and didn't miss it at all. As I have written on another thread, I made a new friend there and met many inspirational people who have lost 100 pounds (and also several equally impressive people who have gained 100 pounds). I couldn't manage to get through more than two days on the one day at a time philosophy and often started a binge as soon as I got home from a meeting (often stopping to buy cookies on my way home). Meanwhile, I have two weeks of success on No S and love it. Plus, I am meeting all of you, Reinhard and many others are an inspiration, and I don't use a gallon of gasoline if I want to 'share' with you. Thanks again --

swimfit · Post by **swimfit** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:18 pm

I was so glad to see this posted. I too was a member of OA, recenty stopped going ( after much mental debate with myself) as I was never able to achieve any sanity regarding food. And the harder I tried the more I felt like a failure, along with guilt. I too met some wonderful people, but it wasn't for me and I am actually relieved to not be going any longer!

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:29 pm

I'm not fond of the "addiction" paradigm when it comes to weight and food management. I suppose it is at least in part because I differentiate between addiction and habituation.

An addiction (IMO) is something where if you do not get it, you experience physical withdrawal symptoms. Examples of this would be caffeine, extreme alcohol abuse, heroin, and other substances. You get headaches, nausea and other physical symptoms if you do not get the substance. (I'm a rather extreme caffeine addict. I've chosen not to work on that addiction).

Habituation is not so substance oriented. Oh, it can be. (I recall someone saying they needed something sweet to get back to sleep a while back). But it can be an activity or some such. I don't feel like I've really started the day until I've worked out. But I don't feel like I'm going to throw up or get a headache if I'm traveling and can't work out!

Treating food as an addictive substance is absurd. It's fuel to live. Sure, we may (and many of us either are or have been) be habituated to unproductive behaviors when it comes to food, but that's not quite the same thing. I even think that giving it the aura of addiction gives unproductive behaviors too much power.

Shirls · Post by **Shirls** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:51 pm

Noel, I totally agree with you there. I went to AA 15 years ago and came off the alcohol and found it most useful, but to apply it to food - well I can't see it working for me. With booze it is for me simply "not an option". But where does OA draw the line with food? Now the NoS diet seems eminently practical. I can tell myself that eating between meals is not an option. Very empowering.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:07 pm

I can tell myself that eating between meals is not an option. Very empowering.

Shirls,

AA also worked for me 21 years ago, even though I no longer go to "those meetings" sobriety works well for me. However OA just NEVER EVER EVER WORKED FOR ME ...but as you so brilliantly said ...
when accepting that eating between meals is just not an option,
it becomes completely empowering.

Blueskighs

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:38 pm

I didn't know anything about 12-step programs when I heard about OA and thought that I would give it a try. If I had known about the concepts of a higher power, anonymity, the steps, etc., I would probably never have gone to that first meeting. Abstinence seemed harsh and punishing and the very idea sent me on a seven-month long binge. Two weeks into No S habits, I haven't felt the slightest desire to revert to old patterns. People in the meetings I attended would often introduce themselves and add that they were grateful recovering compulsive overeaters, needed to be there and were glad to be there. That is how I feel about the No S community.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:41 pm

Abstinence seemed harsh and punishing and the very idea sent me on a seven-month long binge.

boy I can relate to THAT ...

12 steps are very shame based ...
probably precisely why they are so ineffective with food stuff....

Blueskighs

swimfit · Post by **swimfit** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:02 pm

I can totally relate to what you said Blueskighs and Noel. Just seeing that others had similar thoughts with OA has been SO helpful.
No-S is so freeing.

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:38 pm

Thank you, flipturn, for starting this thread. I have been debating recently as to whether or not I ought to "give up my membership" in OA and this discussion is helping me immensely.

Reading the book is also helping me. I love the chapter on snacking. It just makes so much sense.

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:07 pm

Hi, Jill -- That's why I started the thread, because I feel exactly the same way that you do. What I liked about OA were discussions about personal foibles and the food demon, but we do that here as well. I have not resolved the ambivalence about OA but couldn't quite bring myself to go to the Monday meeting I usually attend (which makes it three consecutive meetings that I have skipped).

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:43 pm

update: I am doing so well No S-ing (knock on wood) that I have absolutely no interest in going to OA meetings. I always knew that I was one of the dreaded meeting-goers who used it as a "diet and calorie club" and used none of their tools (the steps, sponsor, writing, higher power). Plus the meeting schedule conflicted somewhat with my swimming time and was depleting my gas tank. Thank you, thank you Reinhard and all who have answered my various quiries. The support all of you give me is invaluable.

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:27 pm

As a former member of OA who feels that OA is Not the solution for eating disorders or weight problems,

I met many wonderful people in my 5 years there.
I am still friends with some of them,
and when I run across any one of the people who were my fellow members,
I always feel a special bond between us.

Also, the lessons I learned through working the 12 steps
have continued to be extremely valuable in my life during my 16 years after OA.
I have continued to incorporate into my life, many of the simple slogans and principles
that I learned through attending OA meetings, workshops, and retreats and reading the AA Big Book.

Although I'm no longer a member of OA, it will always have a special place in my heart.

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:34 pm

Bright -- You worked the program better than I, but I agree with all that you said. You understand how much pain I felt about the decision not to continue going to the meetings. I know, though, that the door is always open.

Beckycan · Post by **Beckycan** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:37 pm

Interesting discussion. I too, was a member of OA once. I did not have a local chapter to attend, my meetings were in an internet chatroom.

I have learned alot from the work of Kathleen DesMaison about sugar addiction, and how sugar actually affects the same brain chemicals as cocaine or alcohol for example. www.radiantrecovery.com
But, like someone else has mentioned, this addiction is different than others because we must eat to live.

OA didn't work for me. I did enjoy the 12 steps and probably learned a bit about myself through the process, but I never acheived abstinence.

Becky

lorriet · Post by **lorriet** » Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:11 pm

I was part of OA for a time several years ago, and it was instrumental in helping me overcome the problem I was having with binge eating.

We had two different groups that met, one regular OA, with no dietary requirements to meet, and a HOW group. I did not like the HOW group, as it didn't address my particular needs. The OA group, though, helped me immensly. I wasn't looking to lose weight, particularly, but to stop a downward spiral I was in in how I related to food.

Though standard addictions are much different than a food "addiction", at least for me, some of the behaviors were very similar. Things like lying about food, hiding food, going around to three different stores to buy various things because I was too embarrassed and ashamed to be buying everything all in one store.

While I still battle with healthy eating, I rarely have true binge eating episodes anymore, and I credit my time in OA for a lot of that.

momof7 · Post by **momof7** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:22 am

I have been in OA for about 8 months, and currently have a sponsor. I haven't been good about attending meetings lately. I already feel I have "outgrown" OA after hearing about No S. No S takes the head trip out of food for me. It's so simple. I don't have to struggle with food every day. The options are so clear. I feel so much HEALTHIER eating this way, and even though I haven't lost any noticeable weight (only 3 weeks in) I FEEL so much better about myself. I don't know what to do about OA. I like the workbook and I like the discussion questions. I think they have helped me mature as a person. But maybe I can do that on my own and No S will be my path to sanity! Thanks y'all for listening.

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:37 pm

momof7 wrote:I have been in OA for about 8 months, and currently have a sponsor.
No S takes the head trip out of food for me. It's so simple. I don't have to struggle with food every day. The options are so clear. I feel so much HEALTHIER eating this way, and even though I haven't lost any noticeable weight (only 3 weeks in) I FEEL so much better about myself.
I don't know what to do about OA. I like the workbook and I like the discussion questions. I think they have helped me mature as a person.

Momof,

Speaking as a former OA Sponser....have you considered continuing on in OA and simply adopting No S as your "food plan"?
How that would work is: a perfect No S day...whether it was an "N" day or an "S" day...would be an "abstinate" day.

This would work...unless your group connection to OA happens to be similiar to HOW and insists you abide by some other specific rigid eating rules.

If you have this option with your OA group, you could continue on with working with your sponser on the 12 steps and still have group comaradrie. If your current sponser, with whom you're working the steps, isn't on board with that, you don't only have to have 1 sponser. It is common for OA members to have a 12 step sponser and a "food sponser".

A suggestion only...."Take what you like, and leave the rest."

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:49 pm

hey I'll throw in my 2 cents as an ex OA sponsor,

I beleive it is totally possible to outgrow OA, and you just need to do whatever feels right to you. If as BrightAngel suggests you find OA supportive to NO S by all means continue to "work that program" however if you find it like me, extraneous, burdensome, unhelpful and are just generally tired of it all ....
LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is all good,

Blueskighs

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:16 pm

Today I "officially" have withdrawn from membership in OA. By that I mean that this morning I called my co-sponsor (we were sponsoring each other), I called my very first sponsor, and I called the leader of an AWOL that I was attending and told them all that I am not going to be attending any more meetings and have adopted a different food plan. I just got back from a vacation where I had the chance to read my No S Diet book (it arrived a day or two before I left) and contemplate on what has been working and not working for me lately. I wrote about this in more detail in my daily check in thread.

But, anyway, after the opportunity to do some soul-searching while on vacation, I know I am where I belong. I am grateful to OA for the lessons learned there, but I too feel it's possible to outgrow it.

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:23 pm

Me, too, Jill. I thought that I would be able to attend a meeting because my co-sponsor was leading it, but I couldn't. I do not want to combine OA and No S, I just can't. I am having too much fun on No S to speak of abstinence.

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:46 pm

I thouht that I would post on this thread to report that I never returned to OA. Two people have called to ask me if I was willing to lead meetings, but I didn't want to and so declined. I haven't been in contact with anyone else. Of course they were all nice at the meetings I attended, but No S is all the support that I need.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:33 pm

flipturn and jillybean

thanks for the updates. Like the both of you I am finding No S to be totally sufficient unto itself! I went to OA off and on over twenty years. (not sure what that sez about me

) there is a very kind lady from OA who still calls to check on me on occasion. I think she has called once since I started No S. I think if she calls again I will let her know about THIS program. It seems, for me, No S is MUCH MORE effective for binge eating disorder than OA. Anyway, I went to my last meeting two years ago? I can see now I will have no need to ever return again.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Blueskighs

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 5:42 pm

Since this was brought to the front again...

Last Thursday I had to make a trip to "the city" where I attended OA meetings and so it was my opportunity to take back the treasurer's materials. Yes, I was the treasurer for the intergroup here. I did my last treasurer's report and handed over the materials to a lady who was once my sponsor. She is a very nice person, and used to be so "strong" in her beliefs about OA. The other day she shared with me that she is struggling with it now and has contemplated quitting. I didn't feel it was right for me to encourage her one way or the other. I think it is a very individual decision and if and when the time comes that she asks me what I am doing, I will share with her.

Currently, she's thin and I'm not. But, you didn't see me crying about what I am doing and questioning it. There is peace of mind in No-S that I never had in OA. I am glad to be here and I doubt I will ever go back there...

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:51 pm

Hi, jilly and blue -- You both said it perfectly, and there is little for me to add. So often I would drive home after meetings and be thinking about what I was going to eat when I entered my kitchen. Not talking about food made me even more compulsive about it than I was before entering OA. I can't say that the compulsion has been banished, but it is diminishing.

CatholicCajun · Post by **CatholicCajun** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:20 pm

I did OA years ago. I did not stay long at the meetings. There were co-workers there who worked where I worked, in a different department, and I did not think I would feel comfortable sharing my personal life in their presence and there was this lady who was fanatical about everything, no sugar, no salt, no fat, very discouraging to a new person to the program, I thought that I would have to be that strict. My expierence with OA is not extensive, but it's not something I would like to repeat. Have a blessed day.

Everyday Systems

Are there other nearly-former OAers here?

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