Worth it for me but not easy

Jesseco · Post by **Jesseco** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 8:07 pm

Like all of you on this board, I love Reinhard's common sense approach and now that I am eating more carefully on S days I think it will work for me long term.

AND it is helping me to stop obsessing about food. This is wonderful.

BUT it is not as easy for me as it seems to be for many of you! I don't want less just because I am eating less. I want to binge on the weekends even though I'm not letting myself.

BrightAngel's posts have made me wonder, though, if it is right for everybody. Reinhard himself posted a disclaimer written by a person with an eating disorder that it may not help a subset of eaters. And I know for myself now with certainty that I cannot binge, no matter what my diet says or what others may do.

I suppose that not all diets can be all things for all people. Reinhard's approach works well for him, a male who was not obese but needed some better habits. He says his wife is naturally thin and doesn't need a plan. Maybe it won't work as well for those of us with eating disorders; I don't know. I believe I have features of disordered eating, yet I see for sure that as long as I allow no bingeing (I like the "e" in there to say that the "g" is soft!) this is a perfect plan for me. So that's my tweak.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 8:21 pm

If it's any consolation, it's not easy for me, either. Just take a look at my HabitCal.

Those green days? Sometimes I've talked myself down a lot to make sure I get a nice green square. I feel like a six year old going for a gold star, but hey, it works. That's the important thing.

Yesterday was very, very hard for me. I'm concerned about my business. (I'm a freelance writer. Bad economic times and layoffs might mean more work for me in the long run, but before layoffs comes cost cutting where freelancers don't get a lot of work). Cold damp weather often sends me to comfort foods. I even resorted to flavored coffee to make sure that I was not snacking and eying the Ben and Jerry's I have left over from the weekend in the freezer.

However, I spent a lot of time on some other habits before I got as serious as I am about No S. I like to take one "serious" habit at a time, as that seems to cement things for the long-term better for me. I did not do Glass Ceiling, Exercising Every Day AND No-S all at once. I'm sure I would have crashed and burned. But because I have other habits under my belt (so to speak), the difficulty of not snacking (and GOD is it HARD) iisn't scary because I've developed the faith that I can develop a habit if I just go with it.

Also, I know from experience that when something becomes a habit, it becomes "natural" to you. I look ahead when No-Sing is just "normal". It'll come, but only if I go through the difficulty of refraining from snacking now.

fkwan · Post by **fkwan** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:59 pm

Jesseco wrote:BUT it is not as easy for me as it seems to be for many of you! I don't want less just because I am eating less. I want to binge on the weekends even though I'm not letting myself.

I don't think anyone who stops bingeing ever stops wanting to binge per se. I certainly don't. I think however that this system gives one a sensible leeway. I also agree that guys' metabolism is entirely different from women's. I also think that this in its most liberal aspect is for maintenance and not weight loss. I plan to lose 5 pounds more than I need to lose so I have a five pound "cushion" and thus will (I hope) be able to eat comfortable amounts of my favorite foods on weekends without having to worry about weight gain--a sort of mini-binge.

I'm writing this late in the day and I hope I'm making some kind of sense, but if I'm not, I apologize in advance.

f

Jesseco · Post by **Jesseco** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:06 am

Noel, sadly it IS a consolation to me! My misery loves company!

I'm like you with the green squares. I'll do almost anything to get one, sometimes including housework!

fkwan, you made sense to me! I do agree also that this diet should be great for maintenance.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:00 am

It is not easy. It does get easIER with time, as the habits take hold.

That's not to say there aren't still days when you (okay, I) want to let habits slide... but they get rarer.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:15 am

Jesseco,

I consider to myself to have a pretty serious Binge Eating Disorder, I am not anorexic in that I am incapable of starving myself to a less than healthy weight, I am not bulimic because I do not purge. I simply BINGE and BINGE and BINGE and then restrict and restrict and restrict and then I BINGE and I .... you get the picture.

I guess I think of NO S more like sobering up. There was a period of time for 11-24 months after I quit drinking that I would want to drink ... but I didn't ... that urge to drink is so rare and faint now that when I notice it it is more of a curiousity than anything else. Ditto for smoking.

ANyway ... for me the binging really did seem to come out of the restriction with eating ... the whole good food bad thing ... blah blah blah ...

To me, No S is the perfect solution for disordered eating. Because of the built in S days, they alleviate the severe restriction that leads to the desire to binge.

As far as "wanting" to binge and not following through ... I think it is rare when the desire is completley eradicated overnight. What I have found for me is the desire to binge has been so greatly reduced that the will power I do have is effective against it ... maybe I am not addressing the heart of what you said,
and it's true that men have different metabolism, any married woman who has gone on a diet with her husband knows the profoundness of THAT particular difference,

but what is also a STRONG selling point for me about NO S is that I know that CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS ... thus I am confident that if I integrate these No S rules into my being so that they are habit they will help me be consistent with food in a way that I have never been.

I used to binge 1 or 2 x a week prior to NO S, I have not binged since I started No S. It has only been five weeks, but that's a pretty good start for something I seemed not able to control before No S. So for me that makes No S a great solution for my particulatr eating disorder,

that being said I think this is a great topic and am curious to other people's thoughts

Blueskighs

Jesseco · Post by **Jesseco** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:24 am

blueskighs wrote:
that urge to drink is so rare and faint now that when I notice it it is more of a curiousity than anything else. Ditto for smoking.

This is very encouraging! And what you, KCC, wrote, is too!

I have been a binger for the past 10 years or so, and it did start after some restrictive dieting, too. But I have gone as much as 5 1/2 months without bingeing before. If I make it to the end of June this time, I'll have gone my longest so far--6 months! Then I'll be very happy.

I've also done an online religious course to deal with my disordered eating and it's been helpful to me. For an evangelical Christian, it fits nicely with this program. Except for being able to binge on S days.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:34 am

Jesseco,

well it sounds like you are doing really well and we are here to support you. I am looking forward to hearing about your success in June and in ALL those days in between,

remember what Reinhard sez ... by keeping No S simple and straightforward we are OPTIMIZING our will power ....
and that increases our chances of re-training ourselves and creating these new habits so that binging will become a distant memory,

that is truly what I beleive,
Blueskighs

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 2:16 pm

Hi, all -- I have had eating disorders since my pre-teen years. I have attempted to cure them through various professional treatments, none of which have worked in the past 15 years. I consulted a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders who said that she wouldn't be able to successfully treat me because my habits were too ingrained. On the other hand, she suggested that I join a therapy group that she was starting. They were going to meet at a restaurant for all the sessions. It was her belief that the patients would model her good eating pattterns . . . LOL. I practically ran out of her office. This is day 24 No S-ing for me, and there has just been one day when I had a major deviation. I realized what had happened, I didn't punish myself, and I let it go. As we all keep saying, this is a learning experience, and the cliches about Rome are true. (No, I am not referring to the roads but that "Rome wasn't built in a day!")

joasia · Post by **joasia** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:49 pm

Let's be honest. I love Reinhard and his plan. But he does NOT eat fast food or junk very much. He once posted a sample week. There was a whole bunch of oatmeal, fruit, vegetables, nuts, dark bread, etc. Healthy stuff. And I know he says he doesn't avoid fat in his diet. And he has a lot of muscle which lets you eat more. I honestly don't think this plan would work quite as well with three heaping servings of junk everyday. And women just don't need as many calories. I am not knocking the plan, I think it is wonderful. I am just saying not everyone is built the same. I think the plan will curb excess. But as Reinhard said himself it won't make you look skinny like Kate Moss.

Jesseco · Post by **Jesseco** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:30 pm

Yes, milczar, I think this plan is best for those who generally eat healthfully, since it is possible to technically do it perfectly and not get your desired results!

Rheba · Post by **Rheba** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:48 pm

Your topic caught my eye today. I too am a binge eater and then berate S plan, I can truthfully say, I haven't binged yet.......yes, I know the key word is YET! But today my step mom took me out to a lovely restaurant for my belated birthday celebration and mentioned that to the waitress and she said they would be giving me a birthday treat. I have had their birthday treat before (when it was my step mom's birthday) and it is to DIE for!!!! Talk about a binge heaven.

Well, when she came back to remove the plates and said she was bringing out the chocolate....I actually looked up at her and said, Please, I don't want it. GASP!!

I feel so much better knowing I passed up the goodies and just had to share it with you. So, yes, I feel this program is definitely working for me. Just one meal at a time and one plate at a time is the way I am taking this and if it helps me stay away from my binges.........Praise the Lord!
And yes, men DO lose differently than women....my hubby has proved that over and over to me.

Tain't fair, McGee!!!!

Dawn · Post by **Dawn** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:12 pm

Jesseco, I think if we are all honest we'd admit that when we came to No-S we were hoping it was some super easy miracle plan. Of course it's not, but since it has had positive impact right away, we have decided that it's still worth the effort. I have only lost a few pounds in my 3 months on board but what I have gained is immeasurable and I think most of us feel the same way. Yet at the same time, we are still a little disappointed that we haven't lost X amount of pounds or like you are still having binge fantasies. All these goals we have can be reached, it's all about time. The cost is time.

We say we understand that it takes time to undo a lifetime of bad habits, but then we start doubting that this is really what's it cracked up to be when after 21 days we still aren't "there"- me included. I think we are talking about a good year in before we can really say if it is or isn't for us. But while we are waiting to really feel like we have arrived, we at least know we are building a great habit that does make sense, unlike the eating only sunflower seeds for 2 weeks diet that I did in high school. Of course I did faint in gym class, but I did look stunning as I lay passed out on the basketball court in my size 6 gym shorts!

As for still "wanting" to binge, well that might stay with you forever, but not to the point that you can't handle it. I quit smoking 20 years ago and still "want" a cig every now and then, but of course it's nothing like it was 6 months after quitting. It's all about the big T: TIME.

Rheba · Post by **Rheba** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:55 pm

Dawn, you are so right about the "craving for bingeing" might remain with us. I too quit smoking 19 years ago and the "urge" is sometimes still there but not strong enough to make me do it. So, however long this takes, I am in it for the long haul..........even with a few slip ups in the future, maybe...but I will still hang in there.
I have found out the hard way too many times that the "easy" way isn't the best way. Slow and steady WILL WIN the race.

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:55 pm

I'm with you all on this one. It is going to be slow for me, I am sure. But, this I believe: I will reach a normal, healthy weight if I persevere. If I keep my no s days truly no s and I don't act like an idiot on s days (well, at least on most s days!)

I just know this will work. It is what I have been searching for, and it is so simple that I really cannot understand why I wasn't just doing it anyway.

But, then again, I do know why. I wanted a quick fix. I have always been looking for the "magic bullet". A couple years ago I thought I'd found the magic bullet in OA. -- A part of OA that is very structured and rigid. I lost 60 pounds rather quickly and I was eating all truly healthy stuff so I believed it was the answer. But, when I say very structured and rigid I really mean it. And to keep that weight off I would have had to do that for the rest of my life. It was way more effort than it was worth. Don't get me wrong. I loved being little, and I hope to be sort of little again someday. But, in the meantime, I want to be happy with my life. I want my family to be happy with me. I want to be able to eat the same things the rest of my family eats. I want to be able to have wedding cake and birthday cake and a margarita once in a while. Never would that have been allowed on my OA plan. I'll take the slow ride and enjoy it instead.

Since starting this way of eating, I have not binged once. That really is a miracle for me. And I'm not white-knuckling it, either. I just count the days until I can have whatever it is I think I want. It's never more than 5 days away. And the weird thing is I am not living for the s days, though to be honest, I do look forward to them. But, when they get here, at least so far, I have not wanted to do untold damage. And I have a history of binges, especially since getting into the yo yo dieting all the time. It would curl your hair if I told you some of the things I have done. But, for now...

This is my 17th day and I am still amazed...

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:06 pm

I am reminded of my husband's line when our child whines that something is "haaaarrrddd."

He calmly replies "You can do hard things."

I think it is a wonderful answer for two reasons:
- It does not diminish that it IS hard from our son's perspective, even if not from ours. (My own parents used to say "oh, it's not hard." Well, sometimes it really was for me, and I resented that dismissal.)
- It expresses faith that he can meet the challenge. Perhaps with help, but that's okay - that's how learning starts.

So, for all of us... yes, this is hard. We can do hard things. And the corollary, and wonderful side benefit, is that the hard things do get easier over time.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:11 pm

KCCC wrote:I am reminded of my husband's line when our child whines that something is "haaaarrrddd."

He calmly replies "You can do hard things."

Holy crap, your husband rocks. That's a GREAT answer. Teaching and respectful and wise. Wonderful.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu May 01, 2008 1:23 am

NoelFigart wrote:
KCCC wrote:I am reminded of my husband's line when our child whines that something is "haaaarrrddd."

He calmly replies "You can do hard things."
Holy crap, your husband rocks. That's a GREAT answer. Teaching and respectful and wise. Wonderful.

He does rock. A really great life-partner and co-parent... and he has a goofy sense of humor, too.

(And yes, he is human and does have faults, but he also puts up with mine, so we're good.)

patticake · Post by **patticake** » Thu May 01, 2008 1:29 am

HI, I agree with your husband. We can do hard things. Today was the worst day I had and I stayed on NoS. On the way home from work sombody forced me off the road and I ended up with two flat tires

They didn't stop but a good guy turned around and helped me

. Then I went to the tire place and sat in the waiting room across from the vending machine and didn't give it a thought(we can do hard things). I came home to find a letter in the mail for a parking violation

. My sweet husband said we could go out for dinner but I just waited a little and fixed us something(we can do hard things). A month ago I would have eaten everything in site this is day 27 and today I can do hard things.
Thanks for Rienhard and NoS. Thanks for letting me add my two cents( about all I have left after today)

Patti

patticake · Post by **patticake** » Thu May 01, 2008 1:34 am

sorry I spelled your name wrong Reinhard

.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu May 01, 2008 3:18 am

WoW I have just loved all the posts on this thread today!

it seems there are several of us here who are bingers, myself being one of those. And like many have said NOT BINGING for someone who has had a history of years of binging is REALLY a big deal.

Like many I have had encounters with counselors, groups, etc, etc, but there really IS something to NO S. it is a foundational structure that if we can integrate, can give us nice safe and sensible with boundaries for life and I really beleive ultimately eradicate our binging behaviors.

THIS IS PROFOUND ... when if you think about it, when I think about all the time, money and effort and I just could not stop binging. EGADS! somtimes all I want to do is eat ... a snack ... on an N day ... more sweets ... on and S day .. but I don't ... anymore

and it's not always easy, but the loss of shame, guilt, depression because I cannot stop binging is PRICELESS ... and so my weight is not falling off ... it is ok. This is not some crazy unsustainable diet.

We'll see but I agree with whoever said ... in a year ... I am REALLY interested in where I will be in a YEAR ... having not binged, having not bought another diet book, having GONE ON WITH THE BUSINESS OF LIVING,

maybe I'll be closer to acheiving some of my life goals because I do not have my face in a cake

at this point, weight lost is just the metrics, it's not the heart of it for me, and I can tell from these posts it is not the heart of it for many of you,
we are in good company!

Patticake, glad you are ok! Rough Ordeal!

Blueskighs

flipturn · Post by **flipturn** » Thu May 01, 2008 8:23 am

ditto, Blue. BTW, I loved that photograph of the cookies in the freezer. I have also gotten in the habit of freezing most of what I bake, and it works really well. If you have the time and it doesn't stress you, could you post the recipe on your blog? Thanks!

Jesseco · Post by **Jesseco** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:00 pm

Thank you all! We can do hard things, if they make sense!

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu May 01, 2008 4:21 pm

flipturn,

that is a great idea! I will post the recipe on my blog! Thank you for the suggestion! I may post on the weekend when I have pics of the cookies OUT OF THE BAG

... and freezing baked goods, treats, etc., is working well for me too. I freeze them in individual portions so makes it easier to eat later.

Blue!

fkwan · Post by **fkwan** » Thu May 01, 2008 5:04 pm

blueskighs wrote:and freezing baked goods, treats, etc., is working well for me too. I freeze them in individual portions so makes it easier to eat later.

Blue!

Another thing (works more for bigger items, not cookies

) is to weigh the entire item, and then you know how much it is by the ounce. Then you eat 1-2 ounces of the stuff.

I'm going to use it for Saturday's pie breakfast.

f

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:41 pm

patticake wrote:HI, I agree with your husband. We can do hard things. Today was the worst day I had and I stayed on NoS. On the way home from work sombody forced me off the road and I ended up with two flat tires They didn't stop but a good guy turned around and helped me . Then I went to the tire place and sat in the waiting room across from the vending machine and didn't give it a thought(we can do hard things). I came home to find a letter in the mail for a parking violation . My sweet husband said we could go out for dinner but I just waited a little and fixed us something(we can do hard things). A month ago I would have eaten everything in site this is day 27 and today I can do hard things.
Thanks for Rienhard and NoS. Thanks for letting me add my two cents( about all I have left after today) Patti

Patti, that sounds like a VERY hard day indeed! Hope today is much, much better.

(We can do hard things, but it's nice if they don't all come at once!)

patticake · Post by **patticake** » Thu May 01, 2008 8:51 pm

Hi. Thanks KCCC today was much better. I am so happy to have NoS and all of the great posts it keeps me going.

Everyday Systems

Worth it for me but not easy

Worth it for me but not easy

Re: Worth it for me but not easy