How do you handle...?

[Jaymiz]

... the urge to make "exceptions"?

I know that making exceptions will cause me to fail. I learned this from experience 3 years ago, before ever reading it in Reinhard's book.

But, i still do it... I still sabotage myself, and that frustrates me more than I could even explain.

How do you stop yourself?

For example: I had a really bad (all red) week last week -- I made an "exception" on Monday, which turned into a full week of exceptions -- and then I determined to do better this week. I had a great GREEN day yesterday (totally vanilla NoS), and then this morning, already, I was craving popcorn, so I caved and had some.

I don't WANT to cave! I don't want to break the rules! I want this to work for me... And, I knew why I caved today... I'm sad because my Grandpa's only been given a couple more days to live (he's dying of cancer) and it's just really hitting me now (I've known for several months that he wouldn't make it, but it never really sunk in until I talked to my Dad last night).

So, help? Anyone? How do I deal with this???

[wosnes]

Years ago when my kids were little and misbehaving, I was really frustrated and inclined to just let them misbehave. What they were doing wasn't bad, just not what I wanted them to do. My mil asked me, "Who's in charge? You or the kids?"

Well, it was pretty obvious that as the mother and the adult, I was the one who was supposed to be in charge!

It's not a lot different with cravings. Who's in charge? You or the cravings? It's easy to cave; it takes more effort to be in charge. Just because you have a craving doesn't mean you have to give in to it!

I tend to think that having cravings is a pretty normal thing. But just because you think about it, smell it or want it doesn't mean you have to have it -- at least not right now. You wait and have it when it's appropriate (if you still want it then!). It's called delayed gratification.

[Nichole]

I do some self talk. I remind myself that:

1. It never makes me feel better except for those milliseconds that the food is in my mouth, being tasted. When the food is gone, my problems are still here and my anxieties too. Better to just deal with them headon.
2. Calories count. If I eat more, I'll gain all the weight back I lost!
3. It won't make me feel full (if I'm hungry for a snack). Better to just wait for my next meal.


Sorry about your grandfather, hang in there!

[NoelFigart]

I'm sorry about your grandfather. That's rough.

Is it possible that you could turn the sadness into something that would motivate you help form your habits. (i.e. "Granddaddy admired discipline. I'm gonna deal by trying to stick to the habits I want to form).

[Buffalo Gal]

Jaymiz,

So sorry to hear about your grandfather! Times like this we have to give ourselves a break.

Are you eating enough at each meal?

Try to include some of the foods you are craving into your meals. For instance have a small side of popcorn with a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch.

Gulp down some water.

Chew a piece of gum.

Sweep the kitchen until the urge goes away.

The urges usually go away if you think about something else.

Buffalo Gal

[BrightAngel]

... the urge to make "exceptions"?

So, help? Anyone? How do I deal with this???

Jaymiz,
I can't tell you how to deal with it, and I sympathize with your present emotional difficulty.

What I can tell you is what I do....

....well..the Truth is that in the majority of my life,
I've given in the the craving and made the exception...
which just leads to another exception and another etc..

But..when I've NOT made the exception, however...
sometimes I'll make promises to myself for later,
and I'm careful to keep those promises.
..because if I don't, I won't believe my promises any more.

I'm working to delay gratification of the craving.
Trying to put it off till the next meal.

So, I might promise myself to have that popcorn with my next meal.
Then at my next meal I'd get a very tall glass, and fill it with popcorn
set it on my plate, and eat it at the end of my meal.

How to keep from snacking in between meals is something I haven't mastered.
It is extremely difficult for me.
Right now, in my meals I'm giving myself extra special foods to reward myself for not snacking.
My meals during the past couple of days haven't been too large,
but they have been more costly.

It's not my plan to continue this,...
although in retrospect I might find expensive ingredients in 3 meals
to be cheaper than my permasnacking.

[Jaymiz]

Thank you to all for your quick and helpful replies. All of it was very wise advice, and I've written it down so I can reference it later, and try it out.

Wosnes, I especially liked the analogy of kids & their parents, as I'm a mom, so I can totally relate to that. You're right -- there've been many times where I've been tempted to just let them get away with stuff, but then remember that I'm the boss, and they need to have the boundaries because it's for their good...

Noel, I'd love to think of what my Grandpa would do or how he'd react, but unfortunately, I've never been all that close with him -- they've always lived 8 hours or more away, so I've rarely seen them. That makes it harder, because I really don't know HOW he would react. But, thank you for the idea... it is a good one.

Nichole, I tried the self-talk -- I told myself that it wasn't really going to make me feel better, in the long run (that I'd more likely feel better for a few minutes, but then feel awful later because of the guilt of having given myself a "red" today)... and I told myself that I didn't need it, and that it wasn't time to eat yet. But, all of that didn't work today. It has in the past, sure! But, it didn't today. The melancholy, I-need-it-to-feel-betterfeelings won out.

BuffaloGal & BrightAngel -- your ideas (promising treats later / distracting self or chewing gum) were very good ones, and I'll probably try those next time. Thanks.

[Mavilu]

I don't know what to tell you, because my approach is rather blunt, I just tell myself NOOOO! (mentally of course), but that might not work with everyone.

But I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about your grampa.

[Meikmeika]

I'm a newbie...but..

I make sure my meal choices are what I really want. I don't eat a salad unless I really want a salad. If I want pizza, that's what I eat. My goal is to look forward to my meals so much I won't think about snacking. I also make sure to eat either a fruit or veggie with every meal..

Again, I'm still fairly new to this but I'm mainly focusing on eating three meals a day and making them count. One step and day at a time right?

Meikmeika

[icz]

Today I told myself my meal will taste better if I don't have a snack -- so i didn't, and it did. (But I actually did go looking for a Balance Bar that hubby had taken to work. Go hubby!)

[janiean1]

I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather. I lost my mother this past November, and I am so dreading Mother's Day this upcoming Sunday. Anyway, my advice to you is just go easy on yourself during this time. I've been doing the NoS for almost one month now, and I have also had some red days marked on my calendar! It's funny how more and more you become more forgiving of yourself.

What gets me through with my mom's passing is the knowing that she's in heaven, and she's not down here ill with cancer anymore. So if you aren't perfect during these next upcoming days, just don't worry about it, and get back on the wagon when you can.

Janie

[angelka71]

So sorry to hear about your grandfather, I can only imagine how tough it must be.

When I have strong cravings I just ignore them. For me, the more I self talk, the bigger the desire becomes. The harder I fight it, the more I want it. So for me the key is to not fight it, but ignore it.

It's not terribly exciting or thought provoking but that's how I handle it.

Also, just one more thing I thought I'd mention. There are always going to be difficult times and stresses in your life. When this crises passes there will always be another so you have to give yourself permission to avoid using food to soothe you. Remember, the stricter you are with yourself when learning these new habits, the faster they'll stick.

[trytrytry]

I am really sorry about your grandfather too

About cravings - just about the only thing that works for me is distraction.

See a link about white bears (!) http://www.rice.edu/sallyport/2004/spri ... ebear.html

“These observations suggest that attempted thought suppression has paradoxical effects as a self-control strategy, perhaps even producing the very obsession or preoccupation that it is directed against,â€

[Jaymiz]

Thank you all... I appreciate the kind words about my Grandpa, and I appreciate the advice.

angelka71 -- I think ignoring the cravings is probably what would work best for me... distracting myself usually works. If I get on the computer, the cravings may still come, but I get busy typing or something, and then I completely forget! So, that's definitely a good thing! (mind you, I don't like being on here all day, every day, so I need to find other things to distract me! LOL)

janiean1 -- I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother, and please know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers this Sunday. I can't imagine how hard that'd be.

[cornelia]

This week has been hard for me. I have been following the diet to the letter until this week. Long story short.....husband in hospital for depression and suicidial thoughts. This is not the first time I have climbed this mountain and I'm tired of it. I'm as mad as I am sad and this "attitude" makes it very hard to care enough to keep going on the diet. My first thoughts were like in the past if I had problems, the diet went out the window until things got better. I kind of had another thought this time. This way of eating isn't just for the times when everything is going well, it's for a life time. If this is truly the way I want to eat from now on, then it has to become so much a part of my life that I do it through good time and bad. Shouldn't matter if it really becomes a part of the way I live day in and day out. Am I making any sense at all? Anyway, I'm grateful for all of you. Thanks.

[Amyliz]

Cornelia,

i can't imagine how difficult this situation is for you, and As Buffalo Gal said, go easy on yourself in hard times.

Meanwhile, i think you're on to something, if you can stick to the 3 meals a day now, when life settles you know you can do it!

This past month of nosing, when i've had rough emotional days - i've made my meals more 'comfort food' based and not at all about 'healthy' or diet foods. Having a mix of balanced meals and Carb/cheesy/warm goodness meals has worked well for me to stay on habit but still give myself some slack when things are tough

best of luck!
Amyliz

[Dawn]

Jaymiz, The urge to make exceptions will go away sooner if you are stricter with No-S. I just tell myself that I will eat a little more at my next meal or include something that fits on the plate but is a wee bit more decadent than I would normally eat - kind of a little reward for not getting into that popcorn or whatever I was craving. Funny thing is that when my next meal comes I find I am so proud of myself for waiting that I don't NEED that little reward, the meal and my pride are reward enough.

As for Gramps, I know how you feel, when you are not that close to someone you not only grieve their loss but you grieve the loss of what never was and what will never be. That is how I felt when I lost my Dad. But I think the hardest loss is when we lose someone that we conflicted with a lot. You can't take words back and once they are gone you don't have that time that you thought you would to "fix" things. I know when it’s my Mom's time to go I will miss her every second for the rest of my life, but there will be no regrets and that means everything at that point. Only happy memories. I want that for my kids too. Just makes you think about mending fences and telling people how important they are while you can. But when you look at your kids just remember they wouldn't be who they are without your Grandfather being who he is/was. So even if you didn't know the man well, you can see what his life brought to you.

So good luck and stick it out! Take care of yourself, your kids deserve a healthy, happy Mom to be around in their lives for a very long time.

[kccc]

Boy, this is a month for "hard things."

Jaymiz, as a mom, this may help: Imagine your inner child- I always think of a kid about 7-8, old enough to be amazingly reasonable, but still capable of full-fledged tantrums. You can either imagine her as an "inner brat" throwing a tantrum to get her way, or as a kid trying to (ineffectively) self-comfort. You know that food is not really what she needs. So ask, in your gentlest mom-voice "what do you really want, sweetie?" (Yes, call yourself sweetie.)

Then listen.

Maybe you need to cry, or some kind of physical exercise. Maybe you need to write a good-bye letter to your Grandpa, in which you tell him you'll miss him and that you wish you'd known him better (mailing is not obligatory). Maybe you need to call your dad, or someone else you love. Maybe you need a hug. Or permission to just be sad a while.

A creativity course I once attended urged us to "look for the second right answer," which was usually a better one. I have found that once I stopped letting food be the default answer, that the answers I found were more healing. I hope you find a second right answer to "how do I cope?"

Best wishes.

[Jaymiz]

As for Gramps, I know how you feel, when you are not that close to someone you not only grieve their loss but you grieve the loss of what never was and what will never be. That is how I felt when I lost my Dad.
Just makes you think about mending fences and telling people how important they are while you can. But when you look at your kids just remember they wouldn't be who they are without your Grandfather being who he is/was. So even if you didn't know the man well, you can see what his life brought to you.

Thanks so much for your kind words, Dawn. I really appreciate that.

[Jaymiz]

Jaymiz, as a mom, this may help: Imagine your inner child- I always think of a kid about 7-8, old enough to be amazingly reasonable, but still capable of full-fledged tantrums. You can either imagine her as an "inner brat" throwing a tantrum to get her way, or as a kid trying to (ineffectively) self-comfort. You know that food is not really what she needs. So ask, in your gentlest mom-voice "what do you really want, sweetie?" (Yes, call yourself sweetie.)

Then listen.

LOL. You've just reminded me of one of the "Sidetracked Home Executives" sister's websites: http://www.thebratfactor.com/ It's all about that "inner brat". LOL.

I had to really LOL about calling myself "sweetie", too, as that's totally not me. But, maybe I'll try it! You never know... maybe adding a little humor would cure me!

Honestly, thanks... I appreciate your input & advice.

[blueskighs]

Jaymiz,

So sorry to hear about your grandfather. Death can be really emotionally difficult. My experience is you are never quite prepared for how you will feel as you go through that transition with a loved one.

I guess for me .. to get to FIRM and Consistent No ...

1. I notice ... wow it is meal time I am craving something ... what is up?
2. Usually there is something going on I am not happy about ... it can be small or big ... it helps just to take a few seconds to acknowledge ... I don't want to have to do this ... I am upset with that .. with something like illness with a loved one it might take a little bit more time to soothe yourself.
3. Once I make the connection that it is REALLY, for me something emotional, I can then often notice I am not quite so HUNGRY and then
4. get on with the business of living ...
5. however, if it does seem like it is real physical hunger I drink water, and consider what I am planning for my next meal and whether or not I need to increase my food volume.

I just don't know of any other way to say No consistently than to say No consistently

I do try to be nice to myself about out, I guess it helps to look at cravings more as clues ... i.e. something is going on inside I am not really aware of,

Cool blog!

Blueskighs