I don't believe in my ideal weight

Nichole · Post by **Nichole** » Thu May 08, 2008 3:34 pm

I want to be a rebel here and say that I do not believe in my ideal weight. At the moment, I am 5' 4", 145 lbs (give or take). According to BMI charts, my ideal weight would be between 120 and 130. I have not been that weight since I was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL!! For me to get down to that ideal size, I would have to do a lot, probably cut carbs and hardly eat and exercise like a mad woman!!!

As it is, I eat kinda healthfully (especially since no-S), I exercise most days of the week for almost an hour each day, and I have some muscle definition. Yet my BMI is 24, which is almost 25---25 being overweight. I'm gonna be bold here and show you what I look like:

This was just taken last week. I don't consider myself fat, but know the weight where I start to feel fat is 150. There is a big difference to the way I look/feel between 145 and 150, despite the fact it's only 5 lbs. Sometimes I DO see myself as fat because I think of what other people might think when they see a picture like this, which is sad. I try not to think that way, though.

I'm starting to ramble. My point is, I am not going to succumb to the pressure to be a weight that I haven't been since I was 16. I feel good being this weight and my goal is 140 (if I ever reach it!!). Trying to get down to 120 would be so hard and what would be the point?? Being that low would NOT make me blissfully happy, popular, or perfect.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Thu May 08, 2008 3:45 pm

When I've completed five years of consistent No Sing and my present level of workouts, I'm gonna simply give it up and declare that my ideal weight.

And keep with the habits of the past five years.

OrganicGal · Post by **OrganicGal** » Thu May 08, 2008 3:55 pm

I think you look great Nichole! I am 5' 4 1/2" tall...and being almost 45yrs old will be over the moon, doing cartwheels, laughing like a fool...to reach 150lbs!

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Thu May 08, 2008 5:08 pm

Nichole,

In my opinion, you look great! My daughter is 5'5" and weighs between 145 and 150. She is 17 and she is beautiful!! There are dozens of guys that make fools of themselves over her! It's the media and hollywood that seem to want us to think we should be pencil thin in order to be okay. Don't you believe it!!

Nichole · Post by **Nichole** » Thu May 08, 2008 5:22 pm

Thank you all for your compliments. What I want people to consider is what Noel seems to have been considering: we can make our own ideal weight. We can chose to torture ourselves to be very skinny or we can be proud of the progress and how far we have come.

My mother is a skinny-minney and she complained about being a couple lbs heavier. I gently pointed out to her that though she's gone up and down about five lbs over the years, she has kept off a large amount of weight for a long time. I think that made her feel good to realize that. I do wish she would accept herself, though and not put so much pressure on herself for that ideal.

Dawn · Post by **Dawn** » Thu May 08, 2008 5:39 pm

First of all you look great, thin, and that's with horizontal stripes no less!! I couldn't see any flaws. You look very proportionate.

Those BMI and height/weight charts are crazy. We are not one size fits all. I learned that the hard way in the Victoria Secrets underwear department.

I don't know too many 5'4" women who can maintain 120 pounds. My Mom is that height and looks quite small to me at 130-135. My step sis is 5'3" and while not prego looks perfect at 140 and her body building personal trainer husband agrees. On the other end, I have a friend who is 5'7" and is 115 dripping wet, but looks great, just has a tiny frame - but still curvy and healthy looking (of course I hate her and tell her often).

I know you want to be in a healthy range and that's great, but I am sure if you talked to your doctor he/she would say you are in no danger health wise at your current weight.

I think when it comes down to it, for us to do this wonderful new lifestyle forever, we will just have to accept whatever weight we end up at. Noelfigart nailed it. After a significant amount of time doing what we are doing will tell us what our weight should be. How can that weight be wrong? We can only do what we can do. Only so many hours in a day to exercise and only so many ways to keep your calorie intake down without putting the entire system at risk. Anything more and we will be on a "diet" and we all know how that's worked out for us huh?

So this is where you need to rely on your own instincts and common sense. Like you said, you "feel" heavy at 150 and so much better at 145. So I would hope after doing no-S for like a year or so you will know what your weight is going to be. If you really want to push it and drop 5 more pounds, you can always take a closer look and see what adjustments you can make. But for me to end up around 150 (my goal used to be 145, but I think that might be too hard to maintain) and to do that without dieting, and to be able to maintain it without dieting, would be a dream come true. No dieting 150 vs. killing myself 145, well there is no contest.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Thu May 08, 2008 5:59 pm

Dawn wrote:Those BMI and height/weight charts are crazy.

I can't believe I'm gonna do this. I hate the BMI charts myself, but I'm gonna wince and say it anyway.

They're right about 75% of the time. Think of the RANGE! At my height, going only by the charts, I could be perfectly healthy weighing between 104 and 131 lbs. That's a HUGE range of healthy bodyweights, wouldn't you say? There are LOTS of people at perfectly healthy weights who think they need to be a lot skinnier than they do for HEALTH reasons. Once you get to the "I wanna see my abs" category, it's about looks, not health. I won't trash the vanity aspect (as a weightlifter that would be more than a little hypocritical), but let's not call health vanity and vanity health.

The only time they're really inaccurate is for athletes. I had a really muscular partner once who was classified as obese by the BMI, but there was no spare fat on him. He was just a muscular martial artist.

Going by body fat percentage is somewhat more accurate. Going by that, my ideal weight is a lot higher than what the BMI charts say. But you know....

That level of futziness is damaging. Fine, if you wanna be a competitive female bodybuilder, you do want to get your body fat percentage down to around 12-13% for competition.

If that's your goal, I promise you that No S isn't gonna do a damn thing for you. (And you wouldn't consider it under those circumstances anyway).

Me? My goal is to get control of my eating habits. Moderate, ya know? I want exercise to be a regular part of my life.

Will weight come off if I do that? Yep. But I may or may not be a size four.

Dawn · Post by **Dawn** » Thu May 08, 2008 6:48 pm

NoelFigart - I guess you are right. I went and checked out a site or two and the range for my height is even greater than yours - 43 pounds! I guess maybe it's Hollywood that is messing with my mind. The average actress I see in magazines talking about her weight seems to be around 5'3" 115 pounds. I guess the average woman who is in good shape is closer to the higher end of the BMI but still in the healthy range.

So I admit I was wrong in saying the BMI's are crazy, but I still think Nichole looks great and should focus on the pretty girl in the mirror rather than the number on the scale.

Have a great day ladies!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu May 08, 2008 7:48 pm

I think that the range is important. Nichole not only looks great, she IS in a healthy range. One person will be at their best at a different point in the range than another.

But it is important to accept "where you are." I was thinking about that just this morning... I have spent most of my adult life in a healthy BMI range, with the exception of the early 20's wake-up call that I was heading into obesity and the period immediately following pregnancy (and that's excused). Within that range, my weight has been within a 10 pound range 80% of the time, I'd say.

And I've never been happy with it. My "ideal weight," in my head, has always been "five pounds less than I am now" - NO MATTER WHAT I WEIGHED. Even for a few months when I was well below the usual 10 pound range.

What woke me up to that is looking at pictures recently. There were a couple taken about a year ago where I was about 5 lbs less than I am now, and I thought "Man, I look great in those! I wish I weighed that now." And then I remembered how I felt when they were taken... which was "If I could only lose 5 lbs, I'd look pretty good!"

Sheesh.

Noel, I like your attitude a lot. I got a hint of it in Reinhard's line about "try it a while and see what happens," which I've been thinking about. At this point, I've decided I'm going to build good eating/exercise habits, and let my body be the weight it wants to be... and let go of it.

If I'd directed all the energy I've spent on "those last 5 lbs" to something IMPORTANT, my life would surely be better. Collectively, if everyone had done the same... well, I bet we'd have world peace by now.

OrganicGal · Post by **OrganicGal** » Thu May 08, 2008 8:23 pm

The thing I don't like most about the BMI, is it makes no allownace for men and women (although I think there might be some charts out there that do), no allowance for age, it makes no allowance for build/bone structure, and it makes no allowance for lifestyle. Are you a competitive bodybuilder? or not.

According to the charts I should be between 110 & 145 lbs. My doctor told me years ago, that at my age and the fact that I had a child, that being between 150-160 would still be healthy and much more attainable and more importantly sustainable.

I too like Noels way of looking at this whole thing. I'm going to build these great No S Habits of No S-ing and regular exercise (the biggest and hardest problem for me) and let the pounds fall and land where they may!

3aday · Post by **3aday** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:38 pm

Nichole, you look stunning.
You really do.
I know I am not at what is considered "ideal".
I workout daily and I eat 3 meals a day and I feel great.
For me, eating moderate meals, working out to feel healthy, and body acceptance is beautiful living even if I am not a size 8.
I remember when I was at my heaviest, my husband bought me a shirt.
It was snug in all the wrong places and I refused to come out of the bathroom. I am apple shaped with nothing up top and nothing at the bottom.
When I finally came out in my regular clothes, he said "You know, if you BELIEVE you are beautiful, then you actually will be more beautiful than any thin woman you compare yourself too."
He never said it again but the point was taken.
I decided if I never lost a pound....I would be happy and love myself and the way I looked anyway.
I spiffied up and did what I wasn't supposed to. I wore colors and horizontal stripes. I cut my hair that showed my double chin. I started putting on lipstick again. I stopped paying attention to comments from well meaning loved ones and you know what....eventually, I started to get smaller. Who knows if I will ever get to what society says is "ideal".
I am healthy and happy the way I am now.

trytrytry · Post by **trytrytry** » Fri May 09, 2008 1:47 pm

I am totally rebelling too!!!

As long as I manage to stay in the healthy range of weight and stick to some rational way of eating, no binges and so on - I think I will actually be satisfied. And I truly believe noS is the way to reach that.

Of course I would love to be closer to my "ideal weight of 65 kg (143)". But if I can't achieve that being on a balanced diet, then it means that it isn't ideal weight for my body and I just have to live with it. That's why BMI has a wide range - we are all build differently, have different metabolisms and so on.

I don't feel physically too uncomfortable with my weight (I did after Easter when I went above 75/76 which is also above my normal range BMI - I actually felt tired and unenergetic). Deep down, I don't see how having a non-flat belly or cheeks makes you a worse person. But I do often think that people perceive me as fat and that my weight is like a personal failure because it shows lack of discipline. But if I stay on noS and eat healthy, then I will know it is not a failure. The weight I reach will be the right weight for my body. Because noS does require discipline and is healthy (while eating carrots and broccoli for breakfast, lunch and dinner isn't)!

MerryKat · Post by **MerryKat** » Tue May 13, 2008 7:04 am

I came to this conclusion the last time I lost weight (5 years after having my first son) - how I felt was way more important than the numbers on the scale.

I was down to wearing a SA size 10 and 67kg (148lb) and still fed up because I had not reached the 63kg (139lb) goal I had set myself. I finally realised that I was happy at 67kg and I looked and felt marvellous, so I stopped worrying about the numbers and enjoyed fitting into my size 10 jeans.

Somewhere along the line I forgot all of this after I had my second son and was back to obsessing about numbers on scales. For the last month or so, I have been working towards weighing once a month (not easy and some days I cannot resist the call of the scale - but I don't record the weight) and I feel so much better for it.

I know that if I follow No S and do moderate exercise I will get to a healthy weight and there is a huge chance that I will also look great at that weight.

Betty · Post by **Betty** » Tue May 13, 2008 7:39 am

The best part about starting no-S for me was switching my view of success from a number to a behavior. It was such a relief that I could, at any weight, put a green star on the calander.

Because if I focus on a number that's months or years away it makes me feel like I can't consider myself a success until that time. And I refuse to delay that gratification.

And by the way, Jill, you really do look great!

Betty

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Tue May 13, 2008 2:51 pm

I poo-poo the BMI, some dude came up with it in the 1800's wasn't it? So people probably were that thin just because food wasn't available as it is today. Plus it was for a census anyway, not a health guide.

There are some guys in the Navy I know who are very muscular- run, lift weights, not an ounce of fat on the ripples of muscles but who are on "remedial PT" (more exercise and "diet") because the BMI indicates the are OBESE LOL. HA!

I think my ideal weight for my height was 145-164, and I haven't been that since I was a senior in high school, and at this point I'd be thrilled with 180.

I think more importantly than any BMI chart is the amount of fat on your body (take a look in the mirror, how do you look?) and the health of your body/heart. Do you eat well? Exercise often? Probably good to go. Get bloodwork and cholesterol checked now and again.

FWIW, I'm "obese" myself and my cholesterol is quite low- 145 total.
I always get the "amazed doctor" look when I go in to get my results.
So you can be obese and be fit too. <shrugs>

alien-bear · Post by **alien-bear** » Tue May 13, 2008 4:29 pm

The BMI is a guide most people will find a happy place in the range but it is by no means a RULE that the the range includes everyone.

I am 5' 9", before babies I weighed 145 and I always felt healthy. I'm curvy and tall, I have small bones (but big feet). Now post babies I'm over 200. And the truth is... I still feel pretty healthy. So, I really doubt I am going to be 145 again. I will No-S till I'm at a happy place and screw the charts. I work out every other day, honestly, losing weight will make pilates more fun and I look forward to that. But the BMI charts can bite me. I am GUESSING I will land somewhere between 150 +175 in the end, but who knows?? Better I'm sane and happy along the way.

JillyBean · Post by **JillyBean** » Tue May 13, 2008 5:50 pm

Betty wrote:And by the way, Jill, you really do look great!

Gee, thanks, Betty, but I think you meant Nichole!

OrganicGal · Post by **OrganicGal** » Tue May 13, 2008 6:41 pm

I just remembered an article that I ripped out of a magazine probably 5-10yrs ago that said the average American woman (and I'll include us Canadian women here too) is 5'4" and 144lbs. They showed about 6-8 women who all were 5'4" and 144lbs. but different ages and body 'types'. The difference in 'shape' of all these women was quite enlightening and it's worth noting that they all looked great!

katie1980 · Post by **katie1980** » Wed May 14, 2008 3:43 am

I think it's a great photo and that you look good. Really happy and healthy, which is how it should be

Betty · Post by **Betty** » Wed May 14, 2008 9:42 am

Whoops! Sorry Nichole!

B.

elegantportions · Post by **elegantportions** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:49 pm

I think this thread deserves a bump up for all us more recent NoS devotees...

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:33 pm

Ah, miss you Nichole !

I happen to be 5 foot 4 and my ideal weight IS 145 pounds. I wear about size six or eight in jeans/dress pants depending on the maker and maybe a 10 on top as I have bigger arms and chest.

I have exercised faithfully for about 50 years (I am 66 years old and started loving exercise in high school as I was a semi good athlete, mainly track). I think that allows me to have more pounds on my frame than some charts suggest.

If I were to weigh the suggest 125 or so, I would look awful - sickly in fact as I have lost weight during times of stress and it is not pretty. I feel great at my ideal weight and try not to veer from it by more than a few pounds. When I first started here (actually a few years earlier than my profile as I had to re-register once for some reason) I think I weighed 158 or so, too heavy. Got way involved with the plan, didn't eat enough, went down to 132 and then got sane again and have maintained my current 145 pound range for several years now.

catservant · Post by **catservant** » Fri Jun 06, 2014 2:04 pm

Thank you for bumping this up! It has made a light bulb go on for me! I am in the "normal" BMI range, close to the top, but have only been happy with myself once in my life...when I dieted myself down to the underweight category! I was not healthy, looked awful, and all the deprivation it took to get there brought on years of binge eating which has brought me to No S. I love the idea of following No S for 5 years and then allowing where I am at that point to be what is right for me. Binge eating is what I am trying to rid myself of, and I think No S is the way to get there. Thanks again!

Dandelion · Post by **Dandelion** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:41 am

I spent years struggling to get to the weight the charts said I 'should' weigh - hating myself, fearing food and feeling like a failure. One day I finally got wise and said 'enough'. Oddly enough, I lost weight. I guess it wasn't such a surprise, since dieting was what was making me gain weight.

My weight finally settled at 10 pounds over what the chart said. I fit comfortably into a size six, but most of all, it was a strong and healthy weight, and totally effortless to maintain (which everyone always says is more difficult than losing). For more than a dozen years my weight stayed within a pound or two above or below that weight no matter what I ate - or didn't eat, whether I was active - or not. Clearly that was *my* ideal weight - no matter what anyone's chart said.

I remember reading a card once that said 'how old would you be if you did't know how old you were?' I believe each of us has a weight that is 'right' for us. How much more success would people have finding it if there weren't all those charts and things out there telling us it was wrong?

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:09 pm

I understand your experience. Thirty years ago I went to Weight Watchers after my first two children. I successfully lost my "baby" weight getting down to about 147. At the time, WW said I should weigh a max of 143 lbs at 5 ft 6 in. The only way that they would let you go through maintenance and become a lifetime member was to maintain at or under their max weight or get a doctor's note that said a greater weight was appropriate. I was not going to the doctor just to get a note for WW! Now the max weight for my height is 155. I am currently over that, but I feel that I can achieve that if I try.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:16 am

If we are eating mostly "real" food in amounts that make us honestly feel vital and happy, and are moving moderately and consistently, it's likely we are at our ideal weight, media ideals be damned.