Side benefits of the kitchen timer

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funfuture
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Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 3:00 am

Side benefits of the kitchen timer

Post by funfuture » Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:38 am

I know people post every now and again about the side benefits of NoS that they didn't expect. We've discovered a very unexpected one in our house from adapting the concept of the 14mins for shovelgloving to other uses...
DD - aged 7.5 - is a bit of a reluctant reader but is required by her school to spend 10 mins practising her reading every week night. She can read (and seems to have no problem in class) but HATES doing her reading homework, so the 10 mins often spins out to half an hour or more as she stops at every line and says she doesn't understand, yada yada yada. As reading is my thing, and I want so much for her to love it as much as I do, this often escalates into frustration and (yes, bow head in shame) conflict between us - which clearly contributes to the problem (who said being a parent was easy).
I realised I have a bit of the same reluctance when it comes to doing shovelglove. So, I decided recently I'd use the kitchen timer for us both. We set it for 14 mins and she reads to me while I shug. At the end of the 14 mins, I have to put the sledgehammer down and she has to put the book down.
Boy, the transformation in willingness to read is astounding! She now wants to see how much she can get read before the timer goes off. She often wants to keep reading (mummy, getting wiser, insists the book gets put away till next time, no matter how interested in it she is getting...hee hee). Neither of us end up cranky. Cycle of power struggle/conflict is broken (double hee hee) and I've got in my 14 mins of shugging. I love this....Thank you Reinhard yet again!!
The reading has been so successful, I've introduced the timer for music practice as well. At her age, she is only required by the teacher to do 5 mins a day. It's amazing how willing she is to do it when she knows there is a set limit to it that she can measure herself (and that I'm not controlling). Woohooo. :D
And just in case your thinking I've turned into a timer Nazi (hmmm, tempting) those two things are the only homework she has to do nightly. She also has a wad of written homework to do, but she very very willingly tackles the whole week's worth on a tuesday evening while I'm cooking and pottering about. Go figure. :D

kccc
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Post by kccc » Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:50 am

Funfuture, I have a 7.5 year old son - and I'm 51, so I REALLY hear you on your whole story! [Including the bit on your other thread about how stressful it was at first... My weight really got out of control after he was born (I was 44!!!) and I couldn't do my normal exercise, plus was dealing with mid-life metabolic slowdown... and that whole sleep-deprivation thing. I remember that ::shudder:: . ]

Being a parent is a learning experience - and a lot of fun! DS has just ZOOMED on reading this year, and it's been a joy to watch. The trick that worked for us was when I saw the "15 minutes a night" note from school, I said "Oh dear, we're going to have to let you read in bed by yourself every night for 15 minutes." He danced around the room in glee that he'd "get to" stay up later. (Of course, he didn't notice we shifted bedtime just a bit...)

Love your story of BOTH of you using the timer - what a great role model you are!

And you know, the idea of "ending points" (I call them "boundaries") is really useful in a lot of contexts. I didn't journal regularly until I started using "3 pages a day" as a LIMIT as well as a goal. I am doing some challenging knitting right now (my first foray into lace) and I only permit myself two rows a night. (Otherwise I get tired, make mistakes, and get frustrated.) Somehow, those boundaries keep me going... and those little REGULAR efforts add up to so much more than an intense effort followed by burnout.

You go, girl!

Betty
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Post by Betty » Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:57 am

Fun Future,

From reading your last posts, I'd say that the future has arrived for you.

Betty

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:41 pm

I've found myriad parental uses for the "daddy timer" (as my daughter calls it) as well. Great for negotiating those "one more minute" procrastinations, and I don't know how I'd do "time out" without it :-)

Reinhard

blueskighs
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Post by blueskighs » Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:31 pm

funfuture,

win-wins are the best. Sounds like the TIMER is doing wonders.

Blueskighs
www.nosdiet.blogspot.com Where I blog daily about my No S journey

funfuture
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Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 3:00 am

Post by funfuture » Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:46 am

KCCC, that's such a coincidence about our children being the same age, just as we are. That's a great tactic for getting your son to read. Wouldn't work for us as DD still has some fears of being left alone and still isn't up to being left alone while she goes to sleep. Love your idea of boundaries though - just what I am discovering. That was really interesting to hear about your lace - good luck with the knitting. Am so impressed - sounds far too complicated for me. (not crafty at all, I'm afraid.)

Betty - that was a really lovely thing to say. thank you.

Reinhard - the 'daddytimer' made me laugh. We do 'time ins' (abandonment issues again, but not too bad these days) - which work really well - still gets the message across because she has to sit quietly next to me for the allotted time. She understands she's done something wrong, without being sent away. Hadn't thought of using the timer for that, but it is a great idea. :)

And thanks to you too, Blue, for the support - your comments are always v generous and positive.

cheers, guys.
w

kccc
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Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:12 am

Post by kccc » Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:45 am

funfuture wrote:KCCC, that's such a coincidence about our children being the same age, just as we are. That's a great tactic for getting your son to read. Wouldn't work for us as DD still has some fears of being left alone and still isn't up to being left alone while she goes to sleep. Love your idea of boundaries though - just what I am discovering. That was really interesting to hear about your lace - good luck with the knitting. Am so impressed - sounds far too complicated for me. (not crafty at all, I'm afraid.)
Understand about the not being left alone...we "sat with" our son until about age 5-6 as he went to sleep. I just got a book light and sat in the "reading chair" in his room. Worked very well. I do believe children will grow out of things faster if you reassure them.

And we did run into trouble on the reading in bed idea - at least two nights I was treated to a Class A Tantrum when I went to turn off the light because he didn't want to stop. So there he was on his bed, kicking and yelling "I want to REEEAAADD!!!" at the top of his lungs. It was annoying and funny at the same time.

Anyway, congrats again on your use of the timer. Anything that lowers conflict in a productive way is GOOD.

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