I've been noSing for ten weeks now, seeing a lot of positive changes in my relationship with food, not too mention some weight loss. It's a great plan and I love its simplicity. I love the "you don't need to be perfect" aspect of it.
But this is what I realized this morning...
I am really stressed today, to the extend that my hands start shaking and I feel tearful (nothing bad has happened really, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed by some work related tasks, so worried I will do badly that I'm not even able to complete them).
I was getting ready to leave the house when I found a box of really nice chocolates I got as a present and decided to have one with a glass of milk. And it was the first time in my life when I noticed how much I switched off while eating. For the one minute I was eating it, I felt so much calmer, because I didn't think about all the stress. The moment I stopped and put an empty glass down, the panic came back and I was tempted to have another one. Not because it was nice - because I wanted to experience again that feeling of calmness. I think it is only because I'm having physical symptoms of the stress today - like the shaky hands, I noticed such a drastic transition - my hands started shaking again literally the moment I put the glass down.
I didn't have another chocolate, but what I realized is that yes, for those ten weeks I've been developing the skills to stop emotional eating. That (even if I still fail sometimes) I can control myself much better than ten weeks ago. But I haven't developed ways to deal with my problems. I have learnt that if I have a nap, go for a walk, watch some tv or read the discussion boards I can overcome the impulse to indulge. So yes - maybe I will lose weight in the long run and I will stop treating food as a magical drug to all my problems. Maybe I will be healthier and it is definitely a good thing. But I need to start facing my problems! And what I've been doing instead is to try to replace food with another activity that will help me to push my problems away.
I have been reading on procrastination resulting from a fear of failure and so much of it reminds me of the ideas behind noS:
"Procrastination is a well-learned habit; it happens without much awareness"
"If you have set very high or impossible goals--like a perfectionist, you are likely to feel overwhelmed."
"one can't always be perfect, so such a person will fail, leading to thinking things are awful"
"don't avoid work, DO IT NOW! (...) this kind of advice to a procrastinator will do little good (...) It is like a doctor telling an obese person to lose weight"
I think I'm posting it here, because I remembered someone saying that with noSing they stopped using food to solve the problems but started approaching the problems themselves. So maybe now that I can put in practice Noel's "if hunger is not a problem, food is not the answer", I need to get the courage to deal with life. Because putting the tasks off does not make it any better. Because not completing them will be so much worse than completing them imperfectly...
Well - sorry for the long rant... Especially that it is only mildly noS related...
A grim realization
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
TryTryTry,
What an incredible realization. That's a tremendous breakthrough that you've shared with us. At this point, you are on the brink of tremendous positive change in your life.
Which is not to say it will be easy. But it will be worth it.
I consider myself a "recovering perfectionist," so perhaps I can offer some useful observations (if not, please consider them as well-meant, and just ignore).
Yes, perfectionism and procrastination go hand-in-hand. Fear of imperfection paralyzes; lack of time is a great excuse for "I could have done better."
Taking action - however small a step - IS the best approach, but it's not always easy. Like you say, it's like saying to an obese person "just eat less." Um, right. (Great analogy, btw.)
It's a process, and it's one that No-S REALLY supports. I've "transferred" a lot of ideas from here to other areas of my life. (The "strictness" podcast has some very good general ideas, for example.)
Here are some strategies I've found helpful and useful:
- Be a beginner at something low-risk. Something you'd kind of like to do, but that won't affect your career - playing an instrument, learning a language, a craft. Set aside time to work on this regularly (daily is best, but at least 4x/week) for only a short time (10 minutes to half an hour). Do not let the time extend, even if you're having fun (to prevent burnout). The benefits: You learn to struggle through the awkward beginning stages. You see that regular practice builds skills. You build the habit of practice, and begin to experience its rewards.
- For things that you've been "resisting" - acknowledge the resistance. Tell yourself you'll work for 10 minutes... anything can be tolerated for 10 minutes, right? After your "tolerable 10," you may stop without guilt. In fact, it is best if you DO stop, so that you begin to believe yourself about how much work you're taking on. (Burnout, again. You can decide to do more, but stop for a break and make it a separate, conscious decision to work for X amount of time. Keep X short, and check in with yourself regularly.)
- Stop short - when you know exactly what the "next step" on a big project will be. Then it's easy to start again. If you don't know what to do next, it's easy to stall out.
I also recommend "Zen Habits" website, which has a lot of productivity tips that break down "doing stuff" into manageable chunks.
Best wishes.
What an incredible realization. That's a tremendous breakthrough that you've shared with us. At this point, you are on the brink of tremendous positive change in your life.
Which is not to say it will be easy. But it will be worth it.
I consider myself a "recovering perfectionist," so perhaps I can offer some useful observations (if not, please consider them as well-meant, and just ignore).
Yes, perfectionism and procrastination go hand-in-hand. Fear of imperfection paralyzes; lack of time is a great excuse for "I could have done better."
Taking action - however small a step - IS the best approach, but it's not always easy. Like you say, it's like saying to an obese person "just eat less." Um, right. (Great analogy, btw.)
It's a process, and it's one that No-S REALLY supports. I've "transferred" a lot of ideas from here to other areas of my life. (The "strictness" podcast has some very good general ideas, for example.)
Here are some strategies I've found helpful and useful:
- Be a beginner at something low-risk. Something you'd kind of like to do, but that won't affect your career - playing an instrument, learning a language, a craft. Set aside time to work on this regularly (daily is best, but at least 4x/week) for only a short time (10 minutes to half an hour). Do not let the time extend, even if you're having fun (to prevent burnout). The benefits: You learn to struggle through the awkward beginning stages. You see that regular practice builds skills. You build the habit of practice, and begin to experience its rewards.
- For things that you've been "resisting" - acknowledge the resistance. Tell yourself you'll work for 10 minutes... anything can be tolerated for 10 minutes, right? After your "tolerable 10," you may stop without guilt. In fact, it is best if you DO stop, so that you begin to believe yourself about how much work you're taking on. (Burnout, again. You can decide to do more, but stop for a break and make it a separate, conscious decision to work for X amount of time. Keep X short, and check in with yourself regularly.)
- Stop short - when you know exactly what the "next step" on a big project will be. Then it's easy to start again. If you don't know what to do next, it's easy to stall out.
I also recommend "Zen Habits" website, which has a lot of productivity tips that break down "doing stuff" into manageable chunks.
Best wishes.
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BrightAngel
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Re: A grim realization
Good Post,trytrytry wrote: Well - sorry for the long rant... Especially that it is only mildly noS related...
AND I think that it is EXTREMELY No S related.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
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OrganicGal
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blueskighs
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trytrytry,And it was the first time in my life when I noticed how much I switched off while eating.
I think your post is incredibly NO S related. The powerful thing to realize if you had not been doing NO S it would be very likely you would have not had this incredible insight with the amazing clarity that you are describing.
we face many challenging situations in life, from day to day things that "drive us nuts", hurt our feelings, etc to the biggies, that hopefully don't happen too often.
I remember one time I was bringing home a binge food and noticed my hand was shaking before I opened the door. That was a pretty powerful moment for me to realize I was having such a strong response to the anticipation of my binge food. BTW I was not hungry so it was not that and it was before NO S, so there still were "binge foods" in my life.
For me, personally, in order to keep on my NO S habits, i.e. not snacking, having sweets or seconds, on N days, I have had to do the same thing. Instead of saying "what am I going to eat?" I have to say to myself "how am I going to handle this?"But I need to start facing my problems!
one of the ways I have had to handle things is really change my expectations of what is realistic for me to expect of myself and other people. This is one of the reasons I think NO S is SO PROFOUND, if you do it and are really STRICT with your N days, you will have other REAL CHANGES in your life, they will spread out.
Sounds like you have had a real breakthrough and I am really glad you shared it with us,
I also wish you the best and a lot of support and encouragement in whatever you are going through,
Blueskighs
www.nosdiet.blogspot.com Where I blog daily about my No S journey
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Hungry Girl
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:28 pm
Hi All,
Thank you so much for all your input. Although I didn't get a chance to reply, I've been following your comments and found them very helpful.
KCCC, I often think that I am not struggling for perfection, but struggling to avoid failure. But the irony in that is that sometimes in my head not reaching perfection does fall into the failure category. That's why I really agree with Blueskighs that changing expectations of yourself it the very important first step. Thought not easy for me. Because even if I manage to change my expectations of myself, then I start thinking that others will be disappointed with me. I know it is a destructive attitude, because I do end up feeling paralyzed and waste a lot of time worrying, while instead I could be spending this time working towards my goal.
So I am trying to apply noS philosophy to my working habits, but I still need to find a right framework for it. I need clear rules for success to motivate me and a way of tracking small steps. I would love to be able to give myself green squares for those little steps, but I'm still looking for something to define them. The 10 min approach is a good start and it often does help me to get myself started. I guess, the most important and difficult thing will be to set myself realistic expectations. I don't want to become work obsessed, but I do want to have good work habits. I do want to be able to enjoy my work again. And I do want to be able to enjoy time off work. Like now, when I can enjoy my N days and S days. When the success is measured by little steps, by my actions - sticking to habit.
This week, I had some better and some worse days work-wise. I do feel though, that I'm slowly falling into the panic trap again. I'm going to work hard on trying to overcome this fear. So as a self-reminder:
I am doing it because I love it. I can decide what I want to achieve because it is my life so I should be able to set my own expectations.
Funny enough, another noS analogy: I was talking to my mum the day after I had my stress related Sday binge and told her that I ate way too much. She replied saying something along the lines: "you lost so much weight, don't mess it up now" - this had almost put me into: I can do whatever I want/I'm going to fail again/I might just as well eat something to show that "I am in control". Because this way if I fail, it is not because I'm weak. It is because "I want to". But then I remembered that no, I don't need to be perfect, than slip ups and bad Sdays happen and are ok - I need to move on, because I think noS is great and I am doing it to feel better about myself, regain control over my actions, not to prove something. So I do need to do the same now with work: move on.
Not sure whether this analogy was clear, hehe, but anyways - I'm rambling again... The most important thing to say now is: thank you for your support!!!
Thank you so much for all your input. Although I didn't get a chance to reply, I've been following your comments and found them very helpful.
KCCC, I often think that I am not struggling for perfection, but struggling to avoid failure. But the irony in that is that sometimes in my head not reaching perfection does fall into the failure category. That's why I really agree with Blueskighs that changing expectations of yourself it the very important first step. Thought not easy for me. Because even if I manage to change my expectations of myself, then I start thinking that others will be disappointed with me. I know it is a destructive attitude, because I do end up feeling paralyzed and waste a lot of time worrying, while instead I could be spending this time working towards my goal.
So I am trying to apply noS philosophy to my working habits, but I still need to find a right framework for it. I need clear rules for success to motivate me and a way of tracking small steps. I would love to be able to give myself green squares for those little steps, but I'm still looking for something to define them. The 10 min approach is a good start and it often does help me to get myself started. I guess, the most important and difficult thing will be to set myself realistic expectations. I don't want to become work obsessed, but I do want to have good work habits. I do want to be able to enjoy my work again. And I do want to be able to enjoy time off work. Like now, when I can enjoy my N days and S days. When the success is measured by little steps, by my actions - sticking to habit.
This week, I had some better and some worse days work-wise. I do feel though, that I'm slowly falling into the panic trap again. I'm going to work hard on trying to overcome this fear. So as a self-reminder:
I am doing it because I love it. I can decide what I want to achieve because it is my life so I should be able to set my own expectations.
Funny enough, another noS analogy: I was talking to my mum the day after I had my stress related Sday binge and told her that I ate way too much. She replied saying something along the lines: "you lost so much weight, don't mess it up now" - this had almost put me into: I can do whatever I want/I'm going to fail again/I might just as well eat something to show that "I am in control". Because this way if I fail, it is not because I'm weak. It is because "I want to". But then I remembered that no, I don't need to be perfect, than slip ups and bad Sdays happen and are ok - I need to move on, because I think noS is great and I am doing it to feel better about myself, regain control over my actions, not to prove something. So I do need to do the same now with work: move on.
Not sure whether this analogy was clear, hehe, but anyways - I'm rambling again... The most important thing to say now is: thank you for your support!!!