what's wrong with me!???

babyprrr · Post by **babyprrr** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:23 am

I've been on NoS for one and a half years and I'd like to think I'm nearly a seasoned veteran at it. After a slight struggle in the beginning, I now have non-idiot S days, perfect N days and also exercise three times a week.

However lately I seem to be falling off the wagon a lot. I guess you could call it relapsing. Started with last wednesday when something that really annoyed me happenned at work and I decided I just had to have a chocolate brownie on Wednesday afternoon. I have a history of binge eating so I can never stop with having just one thing on an N day. That escalated into a binge of ice cream, biscuits and other stuff. I tried to not see this as a setback and had green Thursdays and Fridays. Come weekend, Saturday was okay because I was quite busy but Sunday evening was quite idiotic.

Then I had a good week all week until Thursday when I nearly accidentally had a flapjack that my friend's mom made ( I didn't even think about it, just put it in my mouth). When I realized what I'd done this again escalated into a massive biscuit binge right before bed. Friday (yesterday) was an okay day but I got home at midnight, saw the pack of biscuits still by my bed from the day before..and a tiny voice in me said "it's an S day now , you can binge if you want." and I ate the whole pack of biscuits.

Feel a bit sick this morning..I really don't understand why I'm having so many failures after months and months of perfect behaviour. A few weeks ago, having a brownie on a Wednesday afternoon would be unthinkable. And it's not having like I'm having a particuarly emotional week or anything. I guess maybe I got complacent at it after doing this for so long and now I'm suddenly failing a lot...I don't know...

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 10:57 am

I did something similar - I called it "backsliding." For me, it was rationalizing snacking around dinnertime. ("But it could have fit on my plate...")

Perhaps a "re-boot," where you do another 21 day round would help? Or just be extra watchful of whatever bad habit has crept in?

This may actually be a stage where you're going from it being a conscious habit to an almost-unconscious habit, and just having a bump in the road...

You can do this!

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:24 pm

This happens to me every few months- and it will last a week or so until I feel so yucky (stomach ache, gas, too many trips to the bathroom, bloated, tired) that I wise up and get back on track for a while.

I think, we've spent so many years using food as therapy, that we're a bit hard wired when something hugely emotional hits us.
I binged all last week when I found out dh is going to Afghanistan for more than a year (feb '09 to may '10) and Oy. That's all I'll say about that.

I think the key is, to say to yourself. Ok, I slipped up, I ate a brownie, but it stops here. Stay away from the biscuits (my weakness too!) and save them to have with lunch. Ya fell off, just get right back on.

Hang in there!

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:57 pm

I'm not sure why any of us expect to consistently be perfect. I mean -- look at other ares of your life -- are you perfect there day in and day out? Housekeeping for instance. I'll do really well for months, then all of a sudden have a time when it just all hits the fan and looks like a tornado went through here.

I think it's just part of life. Don't worry about it.

babyprrr · Post by **babyprrr** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:44 pm

It's a snowball effect. I guess if I keep thinking "I've FAILED"...it just makes me more likely to binge more.

I've decided that this was just a blip in my journey and am determined to take it day by day. I keep telling myself that the reason I eat food is to nourish my body and to keep me alive...not to solve any emotional issues/procrastinate/whatever.

Thanks for all the support!

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:55 pm

babyprrr,

the only thing i can say is for me when a bunch of irritations, stresses, etc compound in my life, that is usually when i find myself somewhat "blacking out" and going for food,

I am not sure if that will EVER go away completely so I would go with wosnes comment:

I think it's just part of life. Don't worry about it.

and just want to add,

After a slight struggle in the beginning, I now have non-idiot S days, perfect N days and also exercise three times a week.

all of that for a year-and-a-half you ARE a seasoned veteran in my book

Blueskighs

3aday · Post by **3aday** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:13 pm

There is nothing wrong with you!

It happens to all of us!
We all have ups and downs.
But, on a positive note, you are AWARE of it.
As someone who had MAJOR BINGING issues in the past, the one thing that helped me was to begin to talk to myself during my binge.
(I think I had gotten the idea from Overcoming Overeating).
I thought it was crazy when I read it, but I tried it because I was desperate.
I was aware I was doing it and at the time could not stop binging but I started to speak to myself with kindness during the binge and afterwards.
I had been reaching a point that I could not deal with the emotional and very physical pain of binging anymore but found that I could recover easier if I treated myself with kindness.
If I focused on my failures and slipups, it was really hard to get back on track.
But, if I spoke kind words to myself and told myself I did this because I was hurting, scared, or having trouble coping with something in my life eventually I was able to slowly forgive myself and get back on track.
It's hard but I know you can get back on track.
Take it from someone who has done the same things you have!

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:37 pm

but found that I could recover easier if I treated myself with kindness.

3aday,
this is an excellent point,
I have found this to be true for me too,

Blueskighs

3aday · Post by **3aday** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:28 pm

If I had a penny for how many times I said I was fat (or worse) I could be a millionaire.
Then when I finally accepted myself at the weight I was, began being nicer to myself and tried to see myself the way God meant for me to be...self-care and adopting the No S lifestyle became doable and enjoyable.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:58 am

3aday wrote:There is nothing wrong with you!

It happens to all of us!
[...]
But, if I spoke kind words to myself and told myself I did this because I was hurting, scared, or having trouble coping with something in my life eventually I was able to slowly forgive myself and get back on track.

3aday, this is so WISE. (And so was Wosnes' comment about expectations of perfection. Great reminder!)

This forum reinforces SANITY more than any I have ever been on.

Betty · Post by **Betty** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:43 pm

It"s amazing how mean we can be to ourselves. I say things to myself sometimes that I would ditch a best friend for. And if we don't act like our own best friends, who will? Thanks, 3aday, for the reminder. This is important stuff for me.

Betty

Post by **reinhard** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:15 pm

I've found that using the habitcal even after I've gotten a habit utterly down helps prevent relapse. It's impossible to become complacent when you know you'll have to see that splotch of red. In fact the red becomes even more of a disincentive when you're used to seeing nothing but green.

And there's nothing wrong with you. Besides being an unpleasant way of thinking, it's also extremely counterproductive. If you come to believe that there's something fundamentally, essentially wrong with you, of course you can't do right. It's an excuse. A very painful excuse. If you want to really be "hard" on yourself, go easy and don't take it.

Best wishes getting back on track,

Reinhard