My Cousin's Daughter

cvmom · Post by **cvmom** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 3:43 pm

I had the privilage of watching my cousin's 12 year old daughter for about a week this summer.

This girl is very thin, but healthy. I observed the way she approached food and I learned a lot.

First of all, this girl eats about 1/2 of what is put in front of her. She is tiny and therefore, her body doesn't need the entire portion. She always leaves food on her plate!

At one point, I saw her consume 1/2 an organic poptart! Half! She is not food obsessed and every time I asked her what she wanted to eat she really didn't care and would say, "What everyone else is having, whatever. It doesn't matter". (Music to my short-order-cook's ears!)

The night before she left, she was nervous and worried that as she was packing up her stuff, that she would forget something. She then wandered around my kitchen saying, "I'm hungry" I offered her yogurt, fruit, toast, whatever. And, she said, "No thanks". After about 5 more minutes of hanging out in the kitchen she said, "Oh, I don't want anything, I think I'm just nervous about leaving tomorrow".

I have never met anyone this in touch with their feelings on a natural basis with regards to food. It was really fascinating to me. I was about 12 when I started stuffing my feelings with food. (I was angry about my parent's marital problems and impending divorce. Children can sense things first, can't they?)

So, I just felt like sharing this little story just in case someone else would find it interesting too.

I wish I could undo all the years of overeating and stuffing myself to numb my feelings. Maybe I wouldn't have to track anything.

Where does the "appetstat" go wrong? Is it fixable? What do you all think? Up until that time in my life I was a "normal" eater and really remember very little about what I ate. (I always liked sweets, but what kid doesn't?)

Why do we abuse food? Isn't this the million dollar question?

I know I quote Bob Greene a lot here, but he says that if we eliminate the Emotional Eating in our lives that most of us would lose weight with no trouble. I know this "eating when you are hungry" has failed me in the past and I like the structure of NoS. Part of the reason that it fails me is that when I eat when I'm truly hungry I find myself eating a lot less. Then, I get frustrated because mentally, I want something to eat, but physically I am not hungry.

Sorry, this has been a rambling post. Anyone feel free to chime in. I am interested in your thoughts.

Cvmom

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:15 pm

I have never met anyone this in touch with their feelings on a natural basis with regards to food. It was really fascinating to me.

Cvmom,

have a VERY THIN friend

she is interesting to watch with food, she eats slowly and when she is at work she disappears to a break room and will not allow any interruptions to her lunch. I LOVE THAT. I have learned a lot from her too. She also limits her range of interests. She is NOT at all interested in doing everything for everybody, she focuses on a few things on her life at a time and she doesn't seek other people's approval. I have found all of that very interesting too.

I was about 12 when I started stuffing my feelings with food. (I was angry about my parent's marital problems and impending divorce. Children can sense things first, can't they?)

Yes children are VERY sensitive to this stuff. I was 4 1/2 when I started with food when the courts removed me from my mother's care.

So, I just felt like sharing this little story just in case someone else would find it interesting too.

This is the stuff I find fascinating.

I wish I could undo all the years of overeating and stuffing myself to numb my feelings. Maybe I wouldn't have to track anything.

Where does the "appetstat" go wrong? Is it fixable? What do you all think? Up until that time in my life I was a "normal" eater and really remember very little about what I ate. (I always liked sweets, but what kid doesn't?)

There is a clear demarcation between the eating I did before I was taken from mom and after. In a way it has been a gift because at least I know what I am trying to get back to

I don't know if we can be one-hundred percent restored but over 20 years have regained alot. I suspect it has more to do with why I have kept off the most excessive part of my weight gain in youth for 17 years.

I always told my husband if I could just stop binging - clearly emotional eating - I wouldn't have to worry about weight.

No S Diet has given me best structure to help me in clearing out my psychological residue of dependency on food. I wrote in my daily check-in that for me NO S is like "good mother". My mother didn't make me eat food I didn't want or like AND she did not PLY ME WITH SWEETS at every opportunity.

NO S has helped me restore my "internal good mother" and I suspect over time, my eating, even within NO S guidelines will continue to come closer and closer to my true nature/appestat.

I love this thread. I think in the end this is the root of long term weight loss and maintance. For me the only way to keep it off and be happy is to not to WANT to eat more food than my body needs to function maximally on a day to day basis,

i have mentioned program www.shrinkyourself.com that i did nov 2007 to march 2008, it peeled off another big level of GOOK from my psyche and I am starting to suspect has been part of why I have been able to do NO S pretty successfully to date.

thanks for great topic,

Blueskighs

vmelo · Post by **vmelo** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:32 pm

I can completely relate to your post. At this point, though, I do not think it is possible for me to get back to that Edenic state of being unaware of food. What I'm shooting for now is some way to be less obsessive about it (and No-S seems to be the answer). Besides the emotional eating component, I think a big part of the problem is that dieting is such a prevalent part of our current society. Traditional dieting causes weight gain for most people (very few people can sustain weight loss longterm). There's some law in physics that says whatever is focused on expands (or something like that---science isn't my strong suit). Well, this is certainly true of food. I think when we focus on food too much, we begin to eat more of it.

My husband is an example of a person who has never had a weight problem. Over the years, I've observed how he eats, and I've realized that he's thin because he does not focus on food. He eats whatever he wants---steak, butter sauces, bisques, etc. However, I rarely see him eat three meals. He usually eats a maximum of two meals a day, sometimes only one. He's not consciously trying to do this; he just doesn't feel like eating or forgets to eat (something that has happened only about twice in my adult life). He never snacks. Also, he eats just until he's satisfied, and he won't eat a bite more than that. For instance, we went out to a nice restaurant the other night and he ordered a caramel apple pie with homemade vanilla ice-cream for dessert (he usually doesn't order dessert because he's not a sweet eater). He took a few bites, and then pushed the plate away. When I expressed amazement at this, he said he'd had enough and besides, it was a too sweet for him (I've tried that apple pie & it's heavenly). The point is that he is not a snacker, not a big sweet-eater, and eats just until satisfied---unconsciously following many of the tenets of No-S.

I, too, have tried intuitive eating in the past, but I found that I did not want to relagate food to just survival. I don't want to be an emotional eater, but I don't want to totally confine food to just sustenance either. Also, I need a bit more structure (wish it weren't so, but it's true). No-S seems to be the closest thing I can find to intuitive eating w/ a bit of structure thrown in but without the stringent micro-managing that is so prevalent in traditional diet programs.

randallkharris · Post by **randallkharris** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:36 am

I, too, have tried intuitive eating in the past, but I found that I did not want to relagate food to just survival. I don't want to be an emotional eater, but I don't want to totally confine food to just sustenance either. Also, I need a bit more structure (wish it weren't so, but it's true). No-S seems to be the closest thing I can find to intuitive eating w/ a bit of structure thrown in but without the stringent micro-managing that is so prevalent in traditional diet programs.

Hear, hear, vmelo! My thoughts exactly. I think everyone's observations are exactly on target about this method of eating (or perhaps, not eating). Psychologically, however, that is not how I function -- and I don't know if I will EVER function that way. So No S provides the necessary "crutch," if you will (PLEASE NOTE I do NOT mean that in a derogatory way AT ALL), while letting me enjoy food and meals again.