Ponderings about on Red Days....

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:35 pm

I had a red day yesterday....my third in 108 days. It wasn't horrible...it wasn't as bad as it could have been...but it was red...and I'm putting it behind me & starting again today. I'm not giving up...I'm not throwing out the plan because I ate M&M's and snacked on crackers in the middle of the week.

So I've been pondering why it is so hard to keep encouraged. Why do I, and I'm assuming so many others, sometimes feel like quitting something that is so good for me. We talk about successes and we talk about getting motivated...which are, obviously, great topics!...but I think I also need to spend some time analyzing why in the world I get to a certain weight and then want to give up, as if nothing will ever work anyway. I've done it countless times....and since I want to eat this way the rest of my life, I really should figure out why I've self-destructed so many times before. Yup, I know this plan is radically different and I'm absolutely sure that I'm changing from the inside out...but there's still something inside my brain that wants to sabotage my own success. It's as if I don't WANT to be healthy because it's too unfamiliar. As if the abusive way of eating is so ingrained that I don't know how to be healthy...that it feels foreign to me..or that I don't deserve it. Is this like another type of abusive relationship what one keeps going back to despite the freedom right there within reach? Am I trying to punish myself somehow for eating badly all these years? Am I just too afraid that I'll succeed and then fail later?

I don't want to dwell on past failures, but I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. I want to beat this...I want to be an "AFTER" picture someday....

May your days be GREEN!!!

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:16 pm

I've said this before and I'll say it again -- I truly do not understand why we expect to be perfect every day. We're not perfect in anything else we do -- why should we be perfect with this?

Post by **reinhard** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:35 pm

Just 3 reds in 108 days is pretty darn impressive!

According to your habitcal stats view, you have a 97% compliance score (silver medal!) since you started. Keep that up, or even close, and you have no cause to worry about being self-destructive.

Even I have a no-s red day now and then (and some of the other systems give me a significantly harder time than no-s). I'd be careful about reading too much into a single failure -- the "reading into it" has the potential to be the most self-destructive thing about it.

Congratulations on your great track record so far -- and best wishes on quickly getting over this little setback.

Reinhard

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 5:43 pm

Thanks so much for your responses. I'm really not going to quit....I'm in this for the long-haul...like the rest of my life. I just ponder sometimes what brings on those self-defeating thoughts. I've been on diets since I was 5....I wasn't really heavy at that time, but the dr. told me I should lose 5 pounds....I've been yo-yo dieting ever since. Perhaps eradicating the thoughts is just part of the whole transformation process....and I just need to be patient and as they slowly work themselves out of my system....

Oh well...just the ponderings for the day...

Have a great day everyone...

janie

JerryLee · Post by **JerryLee** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:13 pm

All-in all it comes down to the fact that you have to WANT to lose weight. I was 400lbs in 2000, was tired of being alone and went on a single minded eat less and exercise diet (I like to think of as the Bloom County Diet) and lost 200lbs. I was working out 2 hours everyday and eating barely 1200 calories a day. This gave me a social life and eventually a wife and kids. I lost my focus to stay thin and fattened up to 350 again. (when i was down to 200, since I have a big frame, people thought I was anourexic and the docter recently told me my ideal weight is 230) I decided it was time to take control of my weight again because i was grotesque and stumbled on this diet. I am a black and white, logical person, so I started this and have been good for 5 weeks, losing 20 lbs so far. It is 100% mental. To be successfull, one needs to reprogram thier mind, because I know it is easy to be distracted and veer off the course, and I hope this is an eating plan I can stick to the rest of my life.

resting52 · Post by **resting52** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 3:47 pm

Hey Janie,

I was reading back over my daily check in and came upon the post where I was lamenting 7 red days of my journey. Guess who was the wonderful, realistic encourager there??? It was YOU!

Thanks
Resting

alanajuliana · Post by **alanajuliana** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:07 am

I think you raise some good questions. Those are questions I have asked myself many many times as I have yo yo dieted and binged my weight up and down all my adult life, but especially the past ten years. Why is it that we get to a point with weight loss, and then sabotage all our good efforts?

Well, lets see...on a psychological level, perhaps our extra weight is doing something for us? Working FOR us in some way? (Not necessarily a good thing or a healthy thing but on some level it works...)

-Perhaps it's a safety buffer between me and the world.
-Perhaps being overweight is a symptom of not having any skills for self nurturing other than eating.
-Perhaps being overweight is a way to make a statement: Here I am, I am big, I have size, I am important.
-Perhaps it is a way to stay invisible.
-Perhaps it is a way to de-emphasize one's sexuality in a thin-obsessed culture.
-Perhaps it is an expression of sensuality.

I"m just throwing these things out as food for thought. Obviously some of the things in that list contradict one another.

I'm just saying that if we can figure out for ourselves what "the weight" is doing for us on some deep and twisted level, and then find another way to get that particular need met in our lives, then our inner self might feel more free to let go of being overweight.

Just a thought. Clear as mud, eh?

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:08 am

Hi Resting...You're so sweet...I'm so glad to know my thoughts helped you....

Alana...Great thoughts...the whole thing is certainly a puzzlement to me. One of your points really hit home...

-Perhaps being overweight is a symptom of not having any skills for self nurturing other than eating.

I think I really need to think about that one for awhile......

Thanks everyone...janie

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:00 am

Janie,

I completed a three month online program www.shrinkyouself.com right BEFORE I stumbled on the NO S book at Barnes and Noble. It addresses MANY issues why we overeat, including the one you describe.

I like to mention it cause it was so helpful to me and as time goes on I suspect that it has more to do with my success on NO S Diet than I realized in the beginning.

Blueskighs