How to support spouse on NoS?

[HelloKitty]

Hi guys, I came across NoS a few weeks ago and had an Aha! Moment – but not in the way you might think! I’ve basically been practicing NoS all my life; it’s how I was brought up and it has worked for me. But my husband had a very different upbringing and has been struggling with his weight for years. I've tried to help by getting him to follow my good eating habits but was never able to "convert" him. I guess it was difficult for me to teach because it all came so naturally to me (having been raised this way). So when I stumbled across No S, I was fascinated because it was such a simple way of implementing the structure that my husband needs, that I was never able to explain properly! Thank you Reinhard for putting common sense into a “system†that is so easy to follow.

So, I talked to DH about it and (to my disappointment) it didn’t seem to strike a strong chord with him either way. BUT he agreed to try it with a “why not†attitude. He started the diet about 3 weeks ago without any expectations. He’s not much of a “deep talker†so we haven’t had any philosophical discussions on it but he HAS said that he never noticed how much he snacked and that it’s easier for him now to not think so much about food. But he also mentioned that he didn’t feel he was losing any weight.

Well this morning, he weighed himself for the first time since starting and has lost 2 lbs!! He was pleasantly surprised and I’m so happy! Hopefully this will give him the motivation to keep up with it. I really think it’s the breakthrough that we’ve been looking for for the past 10 years. His weight gain has caused him so much upset and depression and I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel

I wanted to share that happy little story with you all, since you’re all so wonderful and supportive on here (I’ve been lurking for awhile now). Also, if any of you have tips on how to support him while he adjusts to this new way of life, please do share!! Thanks!

P.S. His goal is to lose about 28 more lbs.

[reinhard]

Hello HelloKitty,

I'm so happy no-s resonates with you and (perhaps to his own surprise) your husband. I think your example is the best thing you can do to support him. Do you do some/most/all of the cooking? Preparing meals that "just happen" to be enough for a single plate each significantly reduces temptation. Ditto for keeping snack foods and sweets out of the pantry.

What I wouldn't do is give him dirty looks or explicit verbal reminders if he's having compliance issues. If he doesn't feel like this is his thing, that the ultimate choice and authority for this is in himself, he's going to resent it. That's not only bad news diet-wise, but could lead to other tensions as well.

No-s does tend to be slow, so if the scale isn't always as cooperative as it's been, emphasize to him that this is habit for a lifetime, not a quick fix.

Thanks for posting and best of luck to you both!

Reinhard

[howfunisthat]

Would he read the book? Or would he read portions of it if you highlighted parts that would encourage him? I love my copy...it's so very helpful...

Keep us posted...janie

[gingercake]

Hello HelloKitty,

What I wouldn't do is give him dirty looks or explicit verbal reminders if he's having compliance issues. If he doesn't feel like this is his thing, that the ultimate choice and authority for this is in himself, he's going to resent it. That's not only bad news diet-wise, but could lead to other tensions as well.


Reinhard

Reinhard, when are you going to write your marriage counseling book?

[gingercake]

His weight gain has caused him so much upset and depression and I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel

HK - As someone who has struggled with the weight/depression/body/food issues a lot myself, I just want to encourage you (and your husband) that this is a great way of eating to address those issues. The relief of not having to think about food so much (either obsessively wanting it or obsessively counting and judging it) is one of THE major benefits of No-Sing. If he can hang in there even when it feels slow and boring, he will reap so many other benefits aside from weight loss.

[kccc]

I agree with making an "S-friendly environment" but not criticizing.

The other thing I've found is that NOT snacking frees up an astounding amount of TIME, though in little bits. And it also opens the door to forms of self-nurture beyond food. So, look for nice ways that the two of you can spend small amounts of time together, and nice treats that are not food-related.

Just noticing the fall colors
Boiling cinnamon and cloves so the house smells good
Backrubs
Short walks around the neighborhood

... you get the idea.

Good luck!

[HelloKitty]

Thanks everyone for your advice and words of support. I realize now that I did remind him a couple times when he took seconds so I'll stop doing that. I know it's a very sensitive position and it would be easy for him to resent me because I don't have a weight issue. And thank you Reinhard for reminding me that he has to own this and do it himself. I should know from living with him for the past 10 years that nothing I say will really change his behaviour. I just feel so strongly that this is the right thing for him, that this is IT, that I guess I'm too eager for him to succeed.

Janie, unfortunately he hates reading, but he might read bits that I highlighted for him. I tried to get him to read over the website, and he did read parts, but didn't focus much. He absorbs much better through listening. Hey, is it available as an audiobook or mp3 file?? I'm sure he would listen to that!!

KCCC and Gingercake, those are very interesting thoughts. Come to think of it, in the last 3 weeks, he has seemed a bit "lighter" in terms of mood. He's usually very preoccupied and he's been more "present" lately. I think as the weight comes off, he'll start to lose a lot of emotional baggage. I'll definitely try to make the most of that!

Thanks again everyone and I'll keep you posted

[reinhard]

Reinhard, when are you going to write your marriage counseling book?

I have no more right to right a book on marriage than a person who's been effortlessly skinny all his life has to write a diet book. My wonderful wife, perhaps, could write a thing or two

KCCC -- I think we need to promote ""S-friendly environment" to the catch phrase glossary.

Reinhard

[whisper2701]

HelloKitty - your post has really encouraged me to try and present this program to my husband. He has never really had a weight problem until the past five years. Over the years I think he has picked up my bad habit of snacking at night. I know if he could just cut out the night snacking he would lose weight.

My husband is not much of a reader either so I'll have to highlight some points from the book. Also there are podcasts on this site that I believe you can download to an MP3 player. I've not listened to any of them myself but I need to make time to check them out.

Wishing you and your husband the best!
Linda

[HelloKitty]

Thanks Linda! Best of luck to you, too, and your husband! Maybe seeing your results will motivate him as well