Ugly emotional stuff revealed by adherence to No-S

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:42 pm

I have always been an emotional eater, even as a child, but binge eating pretty much took over my life towards the end of college. After five years of binging and various attempts to stop (a spell with intuitive eating, nine months of weekly cognitive behavioral therapy sessions, etc.), No-S is the first thing that has given me any hope of terminating this behavior once and for all. For that I am profoundly grateful. But it's rocky times, folks!

I binge(d) because I was unhappy with myself and my life, and I wanted a distraction from all the sources of my unhappiness. Of course, the binging itself was a huge source of unhappiness too.

Now that food is no longer a day-long distraction, I am seeing more clearly than ever before just how many things in my life I'm unhappy with. Those empty and painful spaces that I once filled with food (or conquests to score my treats furtively) are now laid bare. Like I said, I knew I was unhappy before, but I experienced my unhappiness through a veil of constant ice cream and cookies. Now there is no veil, and it's scary. Negative emotions are more intense, and my problems seem more numerous and dismal than before.

This might sound stupid, but as much as I hoped and expected that No-S would cure my emotional eating, I didn't expect it to stir up these feelings and shine light on my problems! But of course ANY cure for disordered eating is going to do exactly that.

Now that I can see what's bothering me more clearly, I'm sure I can be more effective in addressing those issues. I am certain good is going to come out of all this. And I really do understand better than before that if you are craving human connection, a candy bar isn't a good substitute for it. If you're longing for a real career instead of a mere job, an ice cream sundae won't make that happen. I get it. Still, so often I feel empty and very far away from the life I wish to lead. I guess I feel empty because I'm not constantly full anymore! Bad pun, but true.

Have any other former binge/emotional eaters gone through this uncomfortable phase? I guess that's what I'm really wanting to know. When did it pass? DID it pass?!

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:43 am

Hi Vigilant! Very good post and I could have almost written it myself.
I was just thinking last night about starting a thread about feeling the pain and emotions and working through them, rather than muting them with food.
Trust me. This is a good thing for you. Yes, it's painful, but you will move through the pain.. you have to experience it.
We all have ways to distract ourselves from our core life issues, but the more time you spend with them, and really letting yourself feel whatever emotions they stir up, the better off you are.
This is a time of Spiritual growth for you, but you don't need to go through it alone, so it's great you posted. Maybe call on your friends to hang out and have a chat?
Something that always makes me feel better, is doing something nice for someone else.. trying to be of service, even if in small ways, when I am depressed... And for the record, I have had bipolar depression since childhood.
Just the other day, I went for a walk and saw some elderly woman with a walker, just barely making her way up to her apartment door..
So I went up to her and asked if she'd like help getting inside (there were a few steps..)
She was so appreciative and I felt so good making a difference in someone elses life.
Maybe get involved in some volunteer work to help feel purpose in your life.
Anyway, good luck and good for you for owning your feelings.
It's hard work sometimes.
Be kind to yourself at all times tho and always remember that you really aren't alone, even tho it may feel that way sometimes.

Debs

vmelo · Post by **vmelo** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:26 am

I hear ya'. When I think about not having food to rely on, I sometimes think, "What else do I have?" That's sounds pretty pathetic, but that's actually what I'm thinking.

Burying emotions under food is something that many people do. It's difficult to let go of it and address the problems head-on.

StrawberryRoan · Post by **StrawberryRoan** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 11:52 am

It is amazing that when one isn't shoving food into their mouths all the times (speaking of me, of course

), they sometimes think,

Geez, I have nothing to do - normally I would just eat.

Boredom has a lot to do with eating, that's for sure. And the fact that we can multi-task and still eat. Watch tv, read, surf the web.

The whole concept of just eating at mealtimes is hard to get used to but works.

Good luck to all.

SR

butterfly1000 · Post by **butterfly1000** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:37 pm

I too am very familiar with emotional and binge eating. I'm still working on it -- some days are better than others. The nice thing about no S is that it's simple and you don't have to think about food all day because there is no measuring or counting anything.

gratefuldeb67
We all have ways to distract ourselves from our core life issues, but the more time you spend with them, and really letting yourself feel whatever emotions they stir up, the better off you are.
This is a time of Spiritual growth for you, but you don't need to go through it alone, so it's great you posted. Maybe call on your friends to hang out and have a chat?

As Debs says, it's important to talk about it -- sometimes it helps to put things in perspective. Talking to a close friend who understands and won't judge is a good start (I have one of those, and I know that it's helping me a lot towards a better emotional wellbeing). There are some things we can control, and there are other things we can't -- so let's try to work on the things that we can control. Let's try to surround ourselves with positive energy.

We just can't give up ...

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:33 pm

Two years ago I decided to shift my focus in life from the negative things surrounding me to the positive. I did this in the form of a little journal. At the close of each day I list at least two things, or more, that were positive in my life that day...could be something as small as a stranger smiling and holding a door for me or whatever else may have occurred during the day's time. It has worked very well for me and maybe you might like the idea too.

Mimi

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:23 pm

Typing on the phone, so will be short. Will try to expand later.

First, be gentle with yourself. Just coming to this realization is huge progress.

Make slow changes. Apply the "tweaks and mode" idea to the rest of your life. Pick one area to work on at a time, not 27.

Develop your list of "what else besides food" - get in touch with what you like/need, and look for ways to meet those needs.

Get support. Here, in real life. Books. A therapist. Take up Zen/meditation.

Gather strategies that work for you.

Set goals at a level at which you can succeed.

Celebrate accomplishments.

Forgive yourself when you slip up, and just get back on track.

Remember that babysteps will take you where you want to go.

And again - be gentle with yourself.

HTH - and best wishes.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:36 pm

Thanks to ALL of you for your wonderful suggestions and support. I'm gonna take a little time to process the advice and will post again soon.

Again, I really appreciate it! More later.

winnie96 · Post by **winnie96** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:20 pm

mimi wrote:Two years ago I decided to shift my focus in life from the negative things surrounding me to the positive. I did this in the form of a little journal. At the close of each day I list at least two things, or more, that were positive in my life that day...could be something as small as a stranger smiling and holding a door for me or whatever else may have occurred during the day's time.Mimi

What a great idea, Mimi! I'm going to start doing this today! Thank you!

GogoMya · Post by **GogoMya** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 11:18 pm

This was a really great post. Thank you for baring it all and sharing. I think there's another way to look at this as well. While the No S diet leaves some room (space and time) to THINK more about other things and not obsess over food, you must be careful b/c I think this process does lead us to do internal audits and find other things about ourselves that need "fixing", which can lead us into a spiraling abyss of emotion and manic thought processes.

Instead, I would suggest using all this new found time, that doesn't revolve around food, to DO something positive just for you and makes you happy. Some new hobby that is something you can reach for during those lull times that we most often use to focus on all that isn't right with the world/ourselves.

I speak from experience and am not trying to be condescending in anyway. When I start getting overwhelmed with the pressure. I just walk, if I could I'd run. Depending on which way you look at it, it could be considered an escapist mind set but it's necessary for me to avoid a break down or a 3 day stint of depression. It gets me away from the situation and gives my mind a break.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:09 am

Mya, that is really good advice! It's positive and nurturing and offers a place to be successful, which is important.

When I first started doing No-S, I realized that I essentially came home and ate all evening. Eating was both a "reward" for a tough day and a way to procrastinate on evening tasks. Once I started No-S, I was at loose ends... and, once I went on and did the chores I was dreading (which I found didn't take all that long if I just DID them), I had spare time I didn't know what to do with.

About that time, I read somewhere that a good strategy for dealing with perfectionism is to pick a non-critical skill that will develop over time and practice it regularly for short periods. (Music, languages, and crafts are good candidates.) That strategy lets you be a beginner on something non-threatening, and deal with that awkwardness... go beyond the fumbling stages. The "short periods" requirement is to prevent burn-out, and the "regularly" requirement is to build habit (sound familiar?).

So, I decided to learn to knit, and have grown to really love doing so. It is so satisfying - like a magic trick, to transform string into wearable items. And I get to play with color and texture and design... plus, it's portable, so I can do it at the doctor's office or the soccer game sidelines. (Plus I can't even think about eating when both my hands are occupied.)

This got a bit long-winded - just meant to endorse what you said! From my own experience, it works.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:10 am

Thanks again to everyone. It was such a relief to just come on here, admit that things suck right now, and receive some friendly nudges from you all.

KCCC, thanks for sharing your personal story as well as your list of strategies and such. I especially need to remember this one:

Make slow changes. Apply the "tweaks and mode" idea to the rest of your life. Pick one area to work on at a time, not 27.

Mya, I agree a little escapism is healthy! Like you, I love taking walks and I also like to read to forget about a bad day. And I also like mowing lawn for some weird reason. I keep doing my yardwork on the weekend, but I think I'm going to "save" that chore for when I feel down/overwhelmed during the week.

Mimi, would you believe I also have a "what was nice today journal"?! I've been keeping it since the first of this year. But you got me thinking about it carefully, and I'm realizing that I don't spend any time re-reading old entries and savoring the good memories. I just jot down the high points of the day, but I almost treat it like a chore. There is room for improvement there.

And Deb, you are spot-on. I definitely need more human contact. I'm kinda new to the town where my husband and I bought our house and my entire family lives in Illinois, so I feel isolated. But I can change my social situation through volunteer work and stuff. Believe it or not, this board REALLY helps me feel more connected and I'm toying with the idea of blogging, just to connect with others facing similar challenges.

So many things to work on, but all I can do is pick one area and get started!

My best wishes to all of you!

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:56 am

There are some great replies on here, I don't have much to add but welcome and thank you for sharing! I do often struggle with emotional eating as well and noS has definitely taught me that not drowining it with food is the better way to go.

Hang in there