Pre-meal guilt

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:08 pm

I am still suffering from that feeling of guilt (about eating food) even before I eat! I was off the wagon for so long that I have really come to think that ANY eating at all is failure (ridiculous, I know).

I have to remind myself that eating properly my one plate is FINE and GOOD for me. Anyone else working through this guilt?

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:23 pm

I'm not sure about the guilt part....

but I wanted to congratulate you on your weight loss so far! I'm starting out at the same weight you did so it is motivating to see your stats.

Maybe remind yourself that if you don't eat your three meals and therefore don't consume adequate calories, your metabolism will slow down and make further losses more difficult or downright impossible. Eating your meals is indeed GOOD for you! Tell yourself that until it sticks.

la_loser · Post by **la_loser** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:32 pm

I agree with Vigilant. . . and I'm going to add something to your check-in about ideas for your lunch you wanted. . .

You know already--three meals--one plate--period--eat real food! And it's OK!

Thalia · Post by **Thalia** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:29 pm

I know that decades of off-and-on dieting produced that response in me. There have certainly been times when eating was so fraught that I wished I never had to do it again -- how sick is that?

I really think that is one of the things that No S can cure -- you are SUPPOSED to eat three plates a day, of anything you want that isn't a sweet! It's GOOD to eat your meals! You have complete permission! Even if you have junk on your plate sometimes, it's OK! I mean, if you eat nothing but junk, that's something to look at changing eventually because yuck, that is not going to make your body feel good, but you are not breaking the rules or being "bad."

Especially the first month or so, I sometimes made a point of eating something that would be totally forbidden on any diet that I've ever tried. French fries, pizza, or I made a really rich pasta with cream, goat cheese, and pancetta in the sauce, and had some of that in several meals until we used up the leftovers.

I lost weight that month, and every month since, because I was only eating three reasonably-sized meals every day, and treats on the weekends. It really is OK to eat food.

butterfly1000 · Post by **butterfly1000** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:30 pm

shamrockmommy wrote:I am still suffering from that feeling of guilt (about eating food) even before I eat! I was off the wagon for so long that I have really come to think that ANY eating at all is failure (ridiculous, I know).

I have to remind myself that eating properly my one plate is FINE and GOOD for me. Anyone else working through this guilt?

I had that guilty feeling just last night. We had hamburgers, fries and salad for supper. My plate looked reasonable: 1 hamburger, small portion of fries, and the balance was salad -- but as I was taking the fries I kept feeling guilty, I kept telling myself that I should only have had the hamburger and salad. I know what you mean by being off the wagon for so long, or being on so many restricted diets that mealtime becomes a whole analysis process.

We have to keep working on reprogramming our brains.

Thalia · Post by **Thalia** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:31 pm

French people eat French fries (OK, they call them frites), and they're skinny! They just don't eat too many of them.

butterfly1000 · Post by **butterfly1000** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:37 pm

Thalia wrote:French people eat French fries (OK, they call them frites), and they're skinny! They just don't eat too many of them.

That's right! Everything in moderation...

bluebunny27 · Post by **bluebunny27** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:20 pm

Frites, oui !

If you feel guilty, you can always micro-bite ... you only have a few, that's what I usually do. This way you get the taste without a lot of calories ... I prefer baked potatoes now anyway. I'd rather eat baked potatoes than french fries, tastes good without feeling guilty about it. Eating french fries I keep thinking about the fat, the oil, the salt and sugar in the ketchup, etc. Better to have a baked potato with the skin still on and hardly any butter/oil added.

I like to prepare the veggies in the oven for dinner, cutting them all up, putting them in a pan with a bit of tin foil over the pan ... a lil' bit of olive oil sprinkled on top, nice. 350 degrees for about an hour. Done.

I eat a lot of veggies now. Salads I make myself. It used to be rare that I would eat a salad and now I usually have a salad once or twice a day. That's a typical scene of my weight loss program, cutting up a carrot in the kitchen.

Cheers !

Marc

Disclaimer : I am following a more extreme version of the 'No-S' diet.
I made my own personal modifications to the original plan (Diet & Exercise)
What I am doing should not be misinterpreted as being a typical 'No-S' diet experience.
11/01/2008 : 280.0 pounds - - - 06/01/2009 : 215.6 pounds
7 months 1 day / 64.4 pounds

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:19 pm

I even notice I feel guilty WHILE eating and also while experiencing real hunger pangs. Ugh.

Have to try hard to use my common sense about this...

Cassie · Post by **Cassie** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:29 pm

I have to admit, after 3 months on & off the NoS diet, and 1 month 'proper' NoS (or vanilla as Reinhard would call it) I still feel guilty, exactly as you describe. Its very difficult, I feel, to train ourselves to feel differently about food. For example, its hard to accept that moderation is key, & that losing weight will take time, and that patience is needed.

I do believe, on the other hand, that eating foods that are very high calorie, or that you know in your heart that your body does not deal very well with (for me, e.g. that's a huge bowl of pasta with no salad which makes me feel bloated) cannot be great. On the other hand, greatness is not what we're aiming for is it, moderation & changing habits is key. Even on the days when we do make those 'wrong' choices (although I know using the word 'wrong' in the context of NoS is not ideal) we need to learn to forgive ourselves. The point is to gradually make different choices, just because they're better. For me that means- since I'm not having snacks (and I really have got used to this completely) then I have to include my fruit & veg on my one plate of food at mealtime, otherwise my diet isn't as balanced as I like. Granted, I don't achieve that every single day, but it's the kind of habits I'm aiming towards...

I'm trying to tell all that to myself again & again!! And I thought I'd remind you as well...

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:54 pm

You can also try the 50% solution:

http://frenchwomendontgetfat.com/node/564

guadopt1997 · Post by **guadopt1997** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:16 pm

Wosnes, that's interesting. In 2004, my doctor recommended what she called the "half diet": that means eating half the portions you normally eat, even if just at one meal, particularly dinner. I tried it but it didn't last. I'm better off with certain foods (like a chocolate bar) being verbotem (except on S days) than dealing with just eating half. But I think I might consider the 50% solution for some meals that are served in our cafeteria and seem to be rather large, even if they do fit on one plate...

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:40 pm

shamrockmommy wrote:I even notice I feel guilty WHILE eating and also while experiencing real hunger pangs. Ugh.

Have to try hard to use my common sense about this...

Sorry Tiffany, but I wonder why you are feeling guilty for eating???
Are you making really poor food choices?
Are you breaking the rules and cheating?
Why the guilt?
This just doesn't make any sense to me.
Hope you can get over feeling guilty or at least figure out why you feel this way. I feel that the only way you can change something is to understand the root of it.

Debs

vmelo · Post by **vmelo** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:26 pm

guadopt1997 wrote:Wosnes, that's interesting. In 2004, my doctor recommended what she called the "half diet": that means eating half the portions you normally eat, even if just at one meal, particularly dinner. I tried it but it didn't last. I'm better off with certain foods (like a chocolate bar) being verbotem (except on S days) than dealing with just eating half. But I think I might consider the 50% solution for some meals that are served in our cafeteria and seem to be rather large, even if they do fit on one plate...

My husband, who has always been naturally thin, has always said, "If people want to lose weight, all they have to do is eat half of what they're currently eating." It makes sense in a way.

Hunter Gatherer · Post by **Hunter Gatherer** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 1:46 am

Sadly, guilt and common sense rarely go hand in hand.

Just notice it when it happens and try to be sensible.

I don't suppose whenever you feel guilt (well, unreasonable guilt - go ahead and feel guilty if you're robbing a bank or something) you could pause, close your eyes and try to summon up some good feelings instead? Maybe savor that soup a little more, or think pleasant thoughts about your pants falling down?

I don't know how effective that would be...

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 3:19 pm

I think the guilt comes from me thinking that the calories (of even healthy choices, I don't keep much junk in the house) of the food I'm eating will just make me fatter in the long run.

I don't like being fat, but I still am. Just working through all the garbage I guess!

vmsurbat · Post by **vmsurbat** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 4:45 pm

shamrockmommy wrote:I think the guilt comes from me thinking that the calories (of even healthy choices, I don't keep much junk in the house) of the food I'm eating will just make me fatter in the long run.

I think you are on the right track, Shamrockmommy, in realizing that the big battle is going to be in your mind via your *thoughts* (as noted in the quote above.).

Thus, I *highly* suggest that you begin/continue to retrain those thoughts. There is an excellent sticky at the top of the boards entitled "No S Catch Phrase glossary" which has many good thoughts for you to embrace. Also, the NoS book is very helpful in this regard as well.

I've been NoSing (successfully) for almost 11 months now, and I still "talk" to myself to keep my mind thinking right thoughts. Some favorites:

1. "One plate is ENOUGH food" (my phrase for when I think I *could* have fit more on my plate and wonder why I didn't at the start when it was legit. Usually I need to engage this thought when I liked the food and want to prolong the pleasure but the TRUTH is that "one plate is ENOUGH food." and I can have that eating pleasure at the next meal.

2. "A Bag of chips is NOT just a bag of chips--it is a link in the chain of good habits...." (From the NoS book, possibly paraphrased). I rely on this to help my focus my attention on HABIT which is what NoS success depends on.

3. "Mark it and Move On" (my own phrase for dealing with a "red" day. I try to be very strict, so I mark a red for snitching the last two cherries from the bowl AFTER leaving the table. Being strict motivates me to not eat those cherries in the first place.

4. "An Idiot Day/Meal is INSIGNIFICANT in the long run when N day habits remain strong." (Another insight from the NoS book) This helps puts any reds in their proper perspectives.... One Red does NOT cancel out all the greens....

Since you need to retrain even how you think about food (and not MERELY your eating habits), try:

"The food I'm eating will make me healthy and sane in the long run." (ABSOLUTELY TRUE if you are following NoS principles.)

or

"A decent meal is THE BEST ANTIDOTE to dieting"

or

"I am really learning how to take care of my body and my health" every time you sit down to *enjoy* your meal.

Honestly, you can begin to ENJOY the food you eat even while you weigh more than you want to. Really! You CAN do it!

la_loser · Post by **la_loser** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:23 pm

Hunter Gatherer wrote:Sadly, guilt and common sense rarely go hand in hand.

Just notice it when it happens and try to be sensible.

I completely agree. I know that I (and I suspect lots of the rest of us) do things/think things that wouldn't "make a lot of sense," especially to others--because they are OUR individual issues. But for us, the issues are very real. I know I've seen posts where people have said they just can't stop doing this particular thing or another and in my mind, I wonder, "Really, how unusual or how hard could that be?" then I examine myself and see all my slip-ups and flaws, most of which would never be a problem for a lot of posters and they'd think-"gee, why can't she just stop (or start) doing that? it's not that hard." i.e. Lots of posters talk about how much they love exercise and just don't feel good unless they do it. Never in my life have I ever experienced that feeling--ever. But for someone who thrives on it, it just makes "no sense" to feel that way. Same thing with eating fruit--I'll eat it if it's in front of me and it's ready to eat right then. But I'll buy fruits and let them go bad in the fridge because it's just not something I "love" to do. Other members have posted about wanting to eat a particular treat so much that they get up early on a Saturday morning just to have a ice cream bar or get up in the night just to eat. Neither of those "habits" or preferences would ever occur to me--but that doesn't make it any less of on issue or important to them just as my exercise and fruit issues don't make "sense" to others. I hope that I would never, especially intentionally question these loyal No-Ser's. Man--we're all so full of baggage, huh!? (to you two whose examples I used--I figured you've been doing this for a while and wouldn't mind me using you as an example--hope that was ok! Since you've both put those actions out there for us all to see!)

And Vicki is so right in suggesting the "self-talk"--I like to post lots of little stickies all over my fridge and my mirror with those kinds of positive comments on them. Maybe this will be the summer I take time to create a screen-saver with those on them. I know they're just words--but maybe it will help. . . yeah, I know --talk to yourself--just don't let anyone hearing you answering yourself!

Gosh, I know you have so very many other things that must preoccupy your brain these days and deservedly so. I'm so proud of you for being honest on these boards and being willing to post what you're thinking and have these discussions with us.

I hope you'll continue to remember that taking care of yourself in every way is a gift you are giving your family every day. Put on your own mask first! And keep sharing with us--it sounds like you do have a lot of family there to back you up (even though it's often with treats!).

Hang in there. You have to eat to sustain yourself--and it would be mistreating yourself if you don't. You're already taking the first steps. Yea!

FarmerHal · Post by **FarmerHal** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 2:16 am

Thanks, Vicki and LA Loser, you have both given me great advice which I'm taking to heart.

I did well today, even though it's an S day with my meals and not allowing myself to feel guilty- it is mostly wiht breakfast that I feel that way. I'm not a great breakfast person, I don't like making it and I never really can find something I like that is breakfasty.

Anyway,
I'll be much more mindful of countering the bad thoughts with good.

StrawberryRoan · Post by **StrawberryRoan** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 1:33 pm

shamrockmommy,

Perhaps what you are feeling is not guilt so much as awareness.

I have had those moments as well during the last couple of weeks.

I think they are probably normal - and so are we.

Probably

Everyday Systems

Pre-meal guilt

Pre-meal guilt

Real food!

Re: Pre-meal guilt

We all have different thought processes. . .and it's OK.