Keeping the Minimum the Minimum

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:40 pm

This post is prompted by a couple of things Noel said lately (focusing on the real problem) and some discussions on Daily Threads... one person said she was "up and down," and I wrote the following essay.

It's normal to be up and down. I can't tell you how much my life improved when I accepted that! I finally realized have rhythms in energy... there are days I'm superwoman, and can get 120% of "normal" done. And there are days when I'm at about 80%, and am doing good to get through the day.

My problem was, I was setting all my goals at the 120% level, and beating myself up when I couldn't meet them on a normal day, much less an 80% day. When I realized that I have ebbs and flows in energy and started adjusting goals accordingly, life got a LOT easier.

And in fact, goal compliance got easier when I set my minimums much lower - something I could see myself doing even on a "low" day. If I did more, great. If I don't... well, 15 minutes of yoga is enough for me to have a green day on my habitcal. Even slow, relaxing yoga... which is probably what I need on a bad day! And while that doesn't sound like much, it's enough to keep the habit going, and over a week it does add up. Plus, when I do hit the "high" days, I'm ready to go, not starting from scratch again.

Just sharing, because I have the feeling that a lot of us are in the perfectionist, driven-by-results camp, and could benefit from the idea of setting VERY ATTAINABLE goals and not over-reaching. Once you tune into the idea, Reinhard's book is full of the concept... but it's easy to block if that's not how your mind normally works.

(This is from someone who just posted on Facebook that fever makes me unproductive, to which my sister responsed "You're supposed to be unproductive. Dang, don't you type A's know how to be SICK?" Lol! I write to teach myself....)

ksbrowne · Post by **ksbrowne** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:48 pm

Good point! I used to be a runner and fell into the trap of rising expectations. I'd jog 4 miles at a time, even in Georgia, in July, and beat myself up if I couldn't go the whole distance.

But I was about 20 pounds overweight.

Finally, my knees gave out. I switched to walking and doing the 10,000 steps-per-day thing. Surprise, surprise, I lost weight.

Kathy

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 1:05 pm

I don't think a lot of people know how to be satisfied with "just enough" or just doing their best. It's as if there's a need to be super-perfect and it's especially apparent in diet/exercise.

It's something I don't understand at all.

Blithe Morning · Post by **Blithe Morning** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 1:42 pm

I've noticed the same thing KCCC. Some weeks I'm superwoman. Some weeks I ain't. Not beating yourself up comes with trusting yourself that once you CAN go higher/harder/faster you will.

Of course, I know my inner slacker (I think she shares a room with my inner 5 year old) and I have to keep on her sometimes. Which is where the habit part comes in.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:21 pm

"setting my goals to the 120% level"

Oh dear lord, I've done that! Well, do that!

My biggest challenge in life, really, is to get into the moderate dailyness of accomplishment. Oh, I can buckle down and produce the most amazing body of work when it takes my fancy, but I'll go total focus and be exhausted.

Then the calmly moderate person blows by me in the long run because s/he's not being a **#$&# idiot and is just calmly and gently working on things at a steady, daily level.

I remember reading a story once that was talking about creating one's own life as a work of art. The person* was discussing creativity, but the example she used was great for moderation as well.

The beautiful rose windows you see in European cathedrals are not the works of a few months or even a few years. They're a lifetime of work, created jewel-bright piece by jewel-bright piece. Each single day, you'll color and cut no more than a single piece of glass to solder into place. Every single piece and every single day counts because if a piece is missing, your whole is not complete. The idea was to create each single day as if it were a piece in a rose window. That each day is IMPORTANT and what you do from day to day is what creates the rounded whole of the art of your life.

It's the little pieces day by day, the small and undramatic things, that wind up counting and making it beautiful.

*Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves, but this was in another piece she did.

Dandelion · Post by **Dandelion** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:10 pm

I jokingly refer to myself as a 'recovering perfectionist'. It was only after my perfectionism impaired my life and my health did I finally actively start to work on accepting 'good enough'.

It's a lesson I wish I could have learned so very much sooner.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:25 pm

@ Wosnes - I love that you don't get that mindset. Your wonderment at it has frequently been an inspiration to me. That, and your general modeling of sanity.

@ Dandelion - I use the EXACT same phrase! And it's got a lot of truth in it.

@ Noel - Yes, thought this would resonate with you.

One of your own daily thread posts (about walking around the green being good enough) was also fodder for this post.

It's funny how the same message will come at you in different ways until you start listening. A friend of mine calls synchronicity "the universe knocking at your door." There's a Robert Frost quote I like (that I somehow want to attribute to Emerson - thanks to Google for correcting me):

"Our very life depends on everythingâ€™s
Recurring till we answer from within.
The thousandth time may prove the charm."

In this particular area, I feel as though I keep re-learning the same lessons over and over. My only consolation is that I'm faster each time - rather like "getting out of the hole" in the lovely "autobiography" poem that BrightAngel posted.

TunaFishKid · Post by **TunaFishKid** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:31 pm

Another topic that really hits home with me!

I've been struggling with low carb dieting for years because even though it repeatedly proved unsustainable for me, I kept going back to it because it made me feel freaking AMAZING! I had tons of energy, my mind felt clear, my thinking was organized, all my little aches and pains disappeared and I felt like superwoman. Of course, after about a week of that I realized I also felt light-headed, spacey, my heart was pounding and I was always on the verge of a panic attack. I recently mentioned that to a friend who told me those were the symptoms of an adrenaline rush. It makes sense! Going into ketosis was giving me a tremendous adrenaline rush that I wanted.

I'm not trying to get into another lowcarb discussion

, just noticing that my regular brain and body weren't good enough for me. I wanted that superhuman, 110% feeling and I wanted it all the time. I think it's time I realized that a human, 52 year old woman is going to have a few aches and pains now and then, and should not expect to function at 110%, top speed every day.

I guess that's a very long way to say I'm finally letting go of my unrealistic, perfectionist expectations, just as KCCC said.

Nichole · Post by **Nichole** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:35 pm

Hmmmm.

I can relate to wanting to be perfect. I'm only 24, so I really beat myself up sometimes. It's bad, probably something I should work on. I'm 133-135 lbs now (and I'm 5'4"), which is healthy and I guess I look okay, but sometimes I think if only I can lose 5-10 more lbs! Sometimes I think, well, other people my age and OLDER! are a lot thinner than me, I should be too. I really want to let go of this line of thinking. I'm at my high school weight, that should be good enough!

clarinetgal · Post by **clarinetgal** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:17 pm

After years of exercise, I've finally come to that place myself, where 'less is more' seems to work for me. For awhile, I was doing really high impact, high intensity workouts, and not only did my joints ache, I also got bigger.
I've now found a program that has a great balance of cardio, weight training, and a little pilates and yoga mixed in, and I feel so much better! Also, if I have days where I feel really crummy but still want to do something, I'm totally okay with doing some yoga or going on a walk.
I'm still working on being more accepting of myself in terms of weight and eating, but I'm glad I'm at a good place in my exercise journey.

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:33 pm

KCCC wrote:@ Wosnes - I love that you don't get that mindset. Your wonderment at it has frequently been an inspiration to me. That, and your general modeling of sanity.

Thanks! It's one of those things I can't explain about myself; just the way I am.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:42 pm

Funny thing... sometime making a LOWER minimum is the key to success.

I've been flirting with meditation for years now, and can't seem to manage the time... and yesterday I found a "three breath meditation" practice. No kidding - three breaths. That's the first stage.

Okay, it's ridiculously minimal. But I have to say, I think I can DO that! And that's exactly the reaction I need on this one.

Post by **reinhard** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:33 pm

Funny thing... sometime making a LOWER minimum is the key to success.

Yes! Humility is the key to productivity.

It's funny that you mention meditation, which should be this relaxing thing, but people tend to be incongruously ambitious about it -- they stess about relaxing! Your three breaths is in a much truer spirit with what you're trying to do, I think.

Reinhard