Why is EVERY gathering of people an excuse to eat!?!?!?

[ShannahR]

I was just informed that I need to attend a new series of weekly meetings. The meetings size is relatively small (about 8-10 people) and at 3 in the afternoon. Today someone announced that they will be ordering food and asked people what they preferred.

I was thinking "why in the world do we need food? It's 3 in the afternoon, we practically just ate lunch and dinners not that far away! "

I feel like it's going to be awkward not to eat when everyone else is because the group is so small. I don't want to eat at that time and call it dinner because I like to eat dinner with my finacee, it's really the only time we sit together and talk. Right now the best strategy I can come up with is to take a bottle of water and if anyone asks tell them I'm not hungry.

I'm sure other people have this problem, how do you deal with it?

[oolala53]

You will get used to not eating when others eat. Skinny people do it all the time and they rarely give a second thought to making any excuses. I think your plan sounds good. You could also say you were starved at lunchtime and ate plenty then. In recent times, I've sometimes said something like, "I wish I was hungrybut I'm not!" and then just dropped it. I never say I'm dieting, even when I used to be. I refuse! So what if they say, "You're not eating?" You can say, I"ll eat later. Or, taking a hint from Reinhard, say, "I don't want to spoil my appetite for dinner." Just be sweet about it. People often make comments because they basically feel guilty for eating and want you to join in the misery or, if they're thin, they're hungry and think you are, too. Just divert, divert, divert, with no malice. No one is out to torture you! I say it's left over from our immigrant farmer mentality.

I know France is starting to adopt American eating habits to their detriment, but I remember years ago reading an American writer, Anne Barone, who lived in France as a young woman and permanently took off about 50 pounds in a year ,and who used to end many a blog with "Eat something rich and French, say, "No self-respecting French woman has a stash of candy bars in her desk drawer!" Ditto on not having an array of coffee cakes, cookies, and such in the workroom kitchen, etc. But here we are and here we No S.

[wosnes]

You will get used to not eating when others eat. Skinny people do it all the time and they rarely give a second thought to making any excuses. I think your plan sounds good. You could also say you were starved at lunchtime and ate plenty then. In recent times, I've sometimes said something like, "I wish I was hungrybut I'm not!" and then just dropped it. I never say I'm dieting, even when I used to be. I refuse! So what if they say, "You're not eating?" You can say, I"ll eat later. Or, taking a hint from Reinhard, say, "I don't want to spoil my appetite for dinner." Just be sweet about it. People often make comments because they basically feel guilty for eating and want you to join in the misery or, if they're thin, they're hungry and think you are, too. Just divert, divert, divert, with no malice. No one is out to torture you! I say it's left over from our immigrant farmer mentality.

I know France is starting to adopt American eating habits to their detriment, but I remember years ago reading an American writer, Anne Barone, who lived in France as a young woman and permanently took off about 50 pounds in a year ,and who used to end many a blog with "Eat something rich and French, say, "No self-respecting French woman has a stash of candy bars in her desk drawer!" Ditto on not having an array of coffee cakes, cookies, and such in the workroom kitchen, etc. But here we are and here we No S.

1. Anne Barone

2. I wouldn't give any explanation -- just "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

3. I think food at meetings and such is just habit; no one really thinks about it, it's just offered.

[Dandelion]

I agree with simply saying 'No thanks, I'm not hungry' , and dropping it. Though someone always seems to say 'you're so 'good' or I wish I had that kind of willpower - I'm always hungry' or something like that.

The candy bars in the desk drawer reminded me of a bit some comedian did years ago. I don't remember who it was, but he commented on how women usually had a stash of food in their desk drawers and if he was ever in a trapped in an office building at least he was in no danger of starvation.

I had to go look up the Ann Barone website. A lot of good points, there. For me, though, I lean more toward Italian style and attitude. Beautiful as Paris is, to me everything has always seemed even more beautiful in Italy

[wosnes]

And speaking of permasnacking.

[Dandelion]

Uh huh.

A few years ago my husband and I were at my son's swimming lessons. There was this family there at the same time. Next to the mom was a canvas bag spilling over with bags of various snacks that the children dipped into the entire time they were there. The mom was very morbidly obese and the children had very bad teeth.

When we go to soccer games, nearly everyone shows up with snacks for kids and adults alike.

I'm can't help but think - 'this is only 40 minutes people. Really?'

[ThomsonsPier]

Though someone always seems to say 'you're so 'good' or I wish I had that kind of willpower - I'm always hungry' or something like that.

I get this a lot; people don't seem to be able to bring themselves to believe that I'm actually not hungry, don't really like sweets, or actually prefer my coffee sans sugar. Fortunately, I don't really care and have no reservations about refusing food. Methinks 'tis probably easier for we menfolk.

[lelovelady]

Well, as a meeting planner, the idea behind it is to be hospitable. It's somehow ingrained in us that when you have guests, you offer refreshments, which in our culture are drinks and food. And, people buy into the whole "snacks are good" culture, and hence, provide snacks. I wouldn't be surprised if there are "healthy" snacks there as well.

As an attendee ... if you're truly concerned about appearing out of place (and it's often important to "fit in" in corporate meetings), try fixing yourself a mug of tea and bringing that with you. For some reason, someone drinking a bottle of water is perceived as having "nothing" ... while someone with a mug of something is. Don't ask me ... I'm not a psychologist ... I just know it works.

Another option, if you're getting too much unwanted attention, is to fix yourself a small plate of whatever is there, ditch the food, and leave the empty, but clearly dirty, plate in front of you. I like to go for a smear of dip or something if they have the fruit/veggie tray ... or a few cookie crumbs if they don't. No one cares if they see you eating ... they just want to see the evidence that you HAVE eaten. This actually works well for cocktail parties too, where people are standing around grazing.

Good luck.

Laura L.

[wosnes]

It's somehow ingrained in us that when you have guests, you offer refreshments, which in our culture are drinks and food.

From what I've read, it's very common in other parts of the world, too. It's certainly not uniquely American and it's not new.

[ShannahR]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the suggestions. I forgot to add the detail that the food at the meeting will be what I would call "full meal" food such as pizza, chinese or sandwiches, not snacks. I think that bringing a drink and reminding myself that thin people don't eat in the presence of other people eating all the time will help. However, everyone else in this group is thin which is going to make that one a tough sell . I do appreciate the effort and generosity of the meeting organizers, but I just started No S a couple of weeks ago and it seems like the world it trying to make it hard on me! ( I know the people organizing the meeting don't know that, but still).

[Dandelion]

Thompsons - I think that may very well be true about being more difficult for women. But I find I am enjoying the feeling of saying, even if just to myself, 'No thanks, I don't eat between meals'.

And Wosnes - I agree - it's certainly not only our culture that offers food/drink to be hospitable. Sharing food is a very basic human act of fellowship - common to all cultures and times throughout history. We've just managed to carry it to the extreme

[~reneew]

This eat-all-the-time thing bothers me a ton! Food is everywhere. At our church we have a mid-week class for the kids on Wednesday and they used to serve a couple cookies and juice. It then became stuff like crackers and cheese with carmel and apples. Now it has blown to a full meal at 3:30. They get there, and whether hungry of not they all eat... things like corndogs, fries, fruit, cookies, juice bags, etc. It honestly is a full meal complete with desert in the middle of the afternoon. Ugggghhhhh! Wednesdays are tough days for me too, because of that. Then our society compains that our kids are becoming overweight. Duh.

[paulawylma]

The Sharing of food is traditional in many cultures, it's supposed to be leftover from days when travelers were offered hospitality. Having full meals at meetings is very unusual unless it's a dinner time meeting. These days many people have food issues so I don't think anyone would object if you just said that you aren't hungry. On the other hand, I am amazed at how often isolated individuals seem invested in whether or not I'm eating.

I think the advice given about faking eating is good. In fact, I may borrow it. After all, my co-workers were startled and confused last year when I turned down some birthday cake (someone else's birthday) by absent--minedly saying, "No thanks, today's Tuesday."

[oolala53]

That was fun-ny, Paula. Are you old enough to have heard of the movie "If this is Tuesday, it must be Belgium"?

[~reneew]

Ha! My kids often remind me with "Mom, it's not Suesday".

[wosnes]

Ha! My kids often remind me with "Mom, it's not Suesday".

Hm...another S day?

[lelovelady]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the suggestions. I forgot to add the detail that the food at the meeting will be what I would call "full meal" food such as pizza, chinese or sandwiches, not snacks. I think that bringing a drink and reminding myself that thin people don't eat in the presence of other people eating all the time will help. However, everyone else in this group is thin which is going to make that one a tough sell . I do appreciate the effort and generosity of the meeting organizers, but I just started No S a couple of weeks ago and it seems like the world it trying to make it hard on me! ( I know the people organizing the meeting don't know that, but still).

Still, it's very weird. It's an odd time to have a full meal meeting ... I reserve those for anything that spans the full noon hour, or anything that begins after 5:00 p.m.

But, just because we think it's weird, isn't going to help you deal with the reality of what is.

So, separate suggestions:

1) eat a slightly later breakfast that day, and eat your regular lunch at this meeting. Then you could have a slightly later dinner as well.

2) declare this particular day a 4 meal day. Eat your regular breakfast, eat a small lunch at your normal time, and then a small lunch at the time of this meeting. You'd then have your regular dinner. You'd have be really good at mentally plating though, because you'd need to make your first lunch and second lunch appropriately sized that they would have all fit together on one plate. Since these are regularly scheduled meetings, you can set it as a regular occurence, so that you're not tempted to sneak this in on other days.

Hopefully one of these will work for you. It'll be really miserable for you if you have to sit in there while everyone else around you is eating real food. It's easier when it's "snack" foods.

Good luck!

Laura L.

[Cantab]

I have food allergies, and I am often unable to eat the food at any events. I also keep kosher, so I'm effectively vegetarian out of the house.

Two sides to not eating while others are:
1. My feelings: I've gotten really used to seeing food that I can't eat as an object, rather than as edible. I'm doubly conditioned, too, because of keeping kosher, so I can walk through a supermarket and see many aisles as if they were filled with models of food. If they're eating something yummy, I have to plan a comparable treat for myself for later, so I don't feel deprived. So that part is easy to adjust to.

2. Explaining to others: I say that I have a complicated food restriction, so just bring my own or eat before. Depending on time, I drink water or tea, have fruit, my own lunch, or veggies from a platter. People seem content with that state of affairs. At job interviews where they ordered in lunch, sometimes I've pulled out a boxed Indian meal and ate that instead, and it's all been fine.

[harmony]

You could attempt to postpone lunch until 3 that day. Or have a small bowl of broth soup for lunch to hold you over for the other stuff. I would have a hard time passing up Chinese. yum.