Help! Newbie having issues

[Becoming]

I wanted to start by confessing to being a lurker. I've been reading for about 3 weeks and have found so much inspiration, encouragement and support among this wonderful community. I didn't want my first post to be complaining about my struggles, because I think No-S is brilliant, but I need advice, so I suppose I need to give a bit of background.

The term 'Diet Head' has been a revelation to me, and the knowledge that I am not alone in my thoughts and behaviours towards food has been very comforting. My issues with food began with trauma that occured in my early teens, and I have done quite a bit of therapy to resolve the inner conflict that I have carried since then. The eating behaviours are the last part that I need to address, and they are proving to be difficult to shift.

No-S resonates with me. I am tired of being obsessed with food. When I started I felt an overwhelming sense of relaxation, like I was finally letting go. In every previous diet attempt (and there have been many) I always began with a steely determination to hang onto the diet for grim death, and it was never sustainable. I believe that No-S can teach me how to eat normally again, but I'm struggling at the moment.

I began about 2.5 weeks ago, and managed to make it 9 days without a binge. I felt fantastic! Then the emotional eating stressors in my life reasserted themselves and I slipped (significantly) for a few days. The stressful situation was resolved, and I am currently 2 days back on the wagon, but I'm still feeling strongly compelled to eat. It's making me feel anxious, which makes me want to eat (it's a vicious cycle!). I'm not stressed at the moment, but I'm feeling weakened from my slip. It's a very vulnerable place, almost worse than being in a full blown binge. There's no comfort where I am at the moment.

So my question is, if I believe so strongly in the program, and have had amazing success, then why am I still feeling this horrible compulsion to binge, even when I'm not in a stressful situation? Has anyone experienced this? How long will it last for? Do I just have to grit my teeth and deal with it?

Any advice appreciated!

[kccc]

Breathe. Deeply.

I am not sure that I can address binge eating thoroughly enough, except to say that some folks have reported that No-S has helped them a great deal. But I will try to make generally helpful remarks.

If you are still this early in the program, you're in what I call the "establishing habit" stage. (See the "Phases of No-S" sticky above.) I actually think this is a difficult stage. You're retraining your mind/tummy... and it's sort of like teaching a toddler. Complete with tantrums.

And, like dealing with a toddler, standing firm will diminish the tantrums. And giving in will not.

It gets easier.

For now, eat well when you eat (that translates to "what you most want" - assuming no health issues that of course take precedence). Look through the site for inspiration... testamonials, particularly from people like you; quote from the sticky thread (one of my favorites is "if hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer"). Take care of yourself in other ways, so that your general stress is lower.

And remember that it DOES get easier. Honest.

(There's a welcome thread/ FAQ that I'll bump up for you - something there may help.)

[NoelFigart]

KCCC speaks wisdom. Heed her words.

[Kevin]

If you can, find yourself something compelling to do. Idle hands being what they are, you don't want to be idle.

My desire to binge comes and goes. It did even after a year or two. It would usually surprise the crap out of me when it resurfaced.

For me, the trick is to remember that it will pass, whether I eat or not. And to get busy.

[exdieter]

Welcome!

I've been doing No-S for almost two months. I dunno if this will help you, but one of the hardest things I've had to do now that I no longer snack is find new ways to comfort myself when I'm anxious. I have not had a problem w binging, but I do have clinical anxiety/depression, and once I'd stopped snacking, it was quite a surprise to me to realize how often I turned to food to soothe myself: when I was bored, upset, anxious... several times a day, to be honest.

It sounds silly, but have you considered writing down a Plan B list: things you can do when stressed out instead of eating?

For example,. these are the things I now do instead of snacking when anxious (don't judge -- some are ridiculous for a grown woman, I fully admit, but I have not snacked in 7 weeks, so I must be doing something right):

look at pics of my dog on my cellphone
chat online w friends
log on to everyday systems and read thru the forums
if I really feel like eating, go to starbucks and get a soy latte
manicure
go for a walk
hot tea
read
listen to music or a podcast

It sounds so simple, but it did make a huge difference for me. I'd always just turned to food when stressed, and without it as a coping mechanism, I felt a lot better once I'd realized that there actually are other things that comfort me.

Anyhow, best of luck with your journey!

[Blithe Morning]

Lots of good insights here. We are hard wired to eat and to find it pleasurable. If we didn't, we'd go extinct pretty quickly.

Behavior CAN overcome biology but be patient with yourself. This is hardest when your habits are still just forming.

[Becoming]

Thanks so much for the (prompt!) wisdom and advice. I'll definitely be incorporating your strategies into my tool box. It's amazing how helpful just writing my thoughts down was.

For the record, I've just completed my third successful day in a row. I can feel the momentum building. It really does get easier - a little bit at a time. I'm going to focus on being grateful for what I have achieved, not be fearful about what might happen in the future.

This community is so encouraging and supportive, and I'm really pleased to be a part of it.

[Starla]

Welcome, Becoming (I love your moniker). You've been given lots of great advice, and I'll second it. It really helps to learn other ways to distract and/or comfort yourself.

It helped me to make a list of things that appeal to my various senses, and to use the list when I wanted the release of a binge.

For example, what do I like to smell? [almond extract, black magic marker, vanilla, lilac, rose]. For some reason, smells turned out to be a very good, immediate distraction. A whiff of almond extract could take me out of that edgy, pre-binge anxiety. I freqently calmed down to candles.

Hot baths were good. Music was VERY helpful. I had a song I listened to over and over again when I needed to.

Find the things that work for you.

And congratulations, exdieter! You are doing great! It's very impressive that you are finding solutions to the problems that crop up. This IS difficult at the beginning, but if you work through this stage it becomes almost effortless.

[amake616]

"For example, what do I like to smell? [almond extract, black magic marker, vanilla, lilac, rose]. For some reason, smells turned out to be a very good, immediate distraction. A whiff of almond extract could take me out of that edgy, pre-binge anxiety. I freqently calmed down to candles."

That actually might have the added benefit of making you less hungry if you do decide to eat as well, Becoming. I don't remember where I read it, but I did read somewhere that putting a scented candle by where you're eating can help you eat somewhat less because the conflicting scents from your food and the candle "confuse" your brain...sorry if I'm slaughtering the science, lol. Which makes sense to me because I have no desire to eat spaghetti around a vanilla candle for instance.

[jellybeans01]

why am I still feeling this horrible compulsion to binge?? one of your questions in your post. YOu know I have the same problem! I think really it stems from the "diet" thinking that I started at a young age. I just figure that it comes and goes, most times I win and not the food. I often wonder if this is something that I will just personally struggle with my whole life.

[Nicest of the Damned]

why am I still feeling this horrible compulsion to binge??

My guess would be it's because, for most of human history, binge eating was an adaptive behavior. Having so much food available for the average person is a very new thing, historically. There are people alive today who remember when food wasn't so abundant in the US. My mother was a young child during WWII, and remembers food rationing.

Imagine you lived in a time and place when food wasn't so abundant and available all the time (as most of the humans who ever lived did or do). Wouldn't it be useful to eat when there's food available, regardless of whether you happen to be hungry? It would even be useful to eat a lot of food quickly if it were available, because it might not be available later. Rapidly consuming a lot of food is the definition of binge eating.

Modern First World humans are in the position of Antarctic penguins trying to live in the tropics. Antarctic penguins are, of course, very well adapted to living in a cold climate, where there's not a lot of warmth available. If they were to try living in the tropics, where there's too much warmth, a lot of their adaptations would be working against them. We're adapted to making the most of a limited food supply. Now that we're living with a much less limited supply of food, our adaptations that help us survive when there's not much food are working against us.

You're fighting millions of years of evolution when you try to stop overeating. That doesn't mean you can't do it (standing upright is also fighting evolution), but it does mean you shouldn't necessarily expect it to be easy.

[sbimka]

Becoming is a very wonderful name because that is very apt to the process you are and will be experiencing. First let me say that I am a former binger so I understand what you are saying on a very personal level. It took me many years to overcome binging - it is very complex, very deep rooted and very tenacious as a behavior/pattern/response/habit. For me it was a response to many life situations that I encountered everyday...to boredom and a feeling of inner emptiness...of insecurity and not being loved the way I needed to be loved...of not feeling accepted...of not accepting myself...I can go on. I found writing to be very helpful. Let your mind go and write whatever comes up. Explore...feel...write. Therapy was also a help. Communicating as you are doing now is fantastic. You will continue to binge but it will lessen with time with the work that you do. Each victory will teach you that you can do it. Every failure is not a failure but another lesson. The important thing is to get up and try again. No S is a wonderful way of learning to be friends with food.

[Becoming]

'My guess would be it's because, for most of human history, binge eating was an adaptive behavior. Having so much food available for the average person is a very new thing, historically. There are people alive today who remember when food wasn't so abundant in the US. My mother was a young child during WWII, and remembers food rationing.'

Nicest of the Damned, my Grandmother was alive in the Depression. She was a big believer in the 'clean plate' - eating every morsel of food on your plate. We were praised if we had a clean plate, and only then would we get dessert. My Grandmother was an amazing cook and I loved visiting her. You've definitely nudged me towards some new insights. Knowledge = power.

Thanks everyone! You have helped me more than I can say.

[Nicest of the Damned]

Nicest of the Damned, my Grandmother was alive in the Depression. She was a big believer in the 'clean plate' - eating every morsel of food on your plate. We were praised if we had a clean plate, and only then would we get dessert.

My mom is a big believer in the 'clean plate', as well. I got told about the starving kids in Africa (may have been India or China for members of other generations) when I was a kid and didn't want to eat all my food, too.

[wosnes]

Nicest of the Damned, my Grandmother was alive in the Depression. She was a big believer in the 'clean plate' - eating every morsel of food on your plate. We were praised if we had a clean plate, and only then would we get dessert.

My mom is a big believer in the 'clean plate', as well. I got told about the starving kids in Africa (may have been India or China for members of other generations) when I was a kid and didn't want to eat all my food, too.

My parents were teenagers during the Depression. While I occasionally remember being told to clean my plate and about starving children in China, it wasn't often. I think I might just have been a good eater! I also think that my dad, in particular, had to eat a lot of things he didn't like during the Depression and didn't want to make me do that.

[Blithe Morning]

I hated, I hate, I will hate cooked spinach. Because of cooked spinach and hot creamed tuna, I never forced my kids to eat foods that they disliked.

This summer I took a class with a guy who didn't like onions. Onions! I love onions. I think he's probably taken a lot of grief for his onion hating because when I told him that I understood about not liking certain foods, he thanked me.

[Kevin]

Isn't it funny how the same experience can push people in opposite behavioral directions?

...

My parents were teenagers during the Depression. While I occasionally remember being told to clean my plate and about starving children in China, it wasn't often. I think I might just have been a good eater! I also think that my dad, in particular, had to eat a lot of things he didn't like during the Depression and didn't want to make me do that.

[BrightAngel]

the knowledge that I am not alone in my thoughts and behaviours
towards food has been very comforting.
The eating behaviours are the last part that I need to address,
and they are proving to be difficult to shift.

I believe that No-S can teach me how to eat normally again,
but I'm struggling at the moment.
So my question is, if I believe so strongly in the program, and have had amazing success,
then why am I still feeling this horrible compulsion to binge,
even when I'm not in a stressful situation? Has anyone experienced this? How long will it last?

Any advice appreciated!

Those posting above have given you good advice.
Personally, I've found thinking about this entire issue in a different way to be helpful.
After doing your best to follow the above-advice, if your problem isn't reduced or eliminated,
you might try my approach.
I recently started blogging about this entire matter.

I have a long bingeing history and am very familiar with the issue you describe.
No S is a simple and practical way of eating, and for many people it is enough.
If you need extra help along with No S....and.... if-and-when you are ready,
come visit www.diethobby.com