Habit Cal and All-or-nothing thinking

bleufrancais · Post by **bleufrancais** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 3:04 pm

This is my second start at No S. My first was scuttled by my perfectionism. If I had an event early in the day that made it a red day (a cookie at work, a second helping of toast) I'd find myself thinking that the day was already a failure so what the heck. May as well have a snack too. I know that this is unproductive and I tell myself that if you have a flat tire, you fix it - you don't flatten the other three etc. but seeing the red on the calendar just pushes my "all-or-nothing" button.
As much as I know in my head that one cookie beats eating a whole box, red is red . . . I feel like an idiot asking for help with this because I know that the answer is to stop this black/white thinking. But how?
So I decided to come here in the hope that someone else has been there and will have something helpful to say to me. I'm so tired of being my own worst enemy.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:06 pm

For a time, I had a second calendar that I used if I had a red. Basically, if I stopped after my one transgression, I still got a green on it - because "failing better" is a plus.

That gave me incentive not to "wreck the car" because I had one ding in it.

Good luck.

thtrchic · Post by **thtrchic** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:09 pm

What if you kept a second habitcal where you track your success at catching and stopping failures? So, if you mess up and eat something off your plan early in the day, but then cut that off and don't let it take over the day you succeed for the day in that dimension and call it green in your second calendar? I do a similar thing for the eating of my servings of fruits/veggies each day because I don't want to call a day a failure that meets the vanilla no-s requirements, but doesn't have enough veggies, but I do want to track that as I work on that habit.

Julie

Too solid flesh · Post by **Too solid flesh** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:37 pm

I used to keep an Excel chart on which I noted down what a failure consisted of. So as well as a red HabitCal square, I'd have a note saying "One piece of chocolate cake for so-and-so's birthday", or whatever. This helped me to keep failures fairly contained.

sheepish · Post by **sheepish** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:39 pm

What works for me is keeping my eye on the prize - i.e. thinking, "yes, it is already a fail but, ultimately, having another snack/sweet is going to hinder my weight loss and that's the point."

I found it got easier once I started seeing results - basically because I started to think "I don't want to undo all my hard work".

Nicest of the Damned · Post by **Nicest of the Damned** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 6:37 pm

When I start thinking, "this is already a red day, might as well..." I just tell myself to stop, and say to myself, "you're doing it again".

Then I try to find something to do that doesn't involve food or being around food (for example, in the kitchen), and make sure I don't have food handy.

The key parts are to "just say no" to that thought (you young punks can look it up on wikipedia, then get off my lawn), and to not be around food until your next mealtime.

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 7:28 pm

"This is my second start at No S. My first was scuttled by my perfectionism"

I think this is the key phrase from your post. How you perceive 'red' days is far more important than the fact that there ARE red days.... if that makes sense.... while you strive for perfection and anything resembling the word 'failure' is a big deal, it will be difficult to manage days when you do break the NoS rules.

That being said, I like the ideas of having two habitcals running side by side - a 'by the book' calendar, and a 'how fail was my fail' calendar. The table view makes it easy to see different calendars side by side, and you could track green for one-off failures, yellow for a couple of slips, and red for 'crashed the car'.

Clarica · Post by **Clarica** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 8:39 pm

Are your meals made up of food you love, or are you eating shoulds?

In my early days, my off plan eats were a problem of remembering the rules, not acts of will. I can't tell from what you say if you're accidentally going off plan and then throwing in the towel, or deciding to have the cookie and then feeling bad that you did.

Also, I do not like "success" and "failure". I like on plan, or off plan. Mostly because I don't really want to say "Success! yay, I'm not overeating today" or "Fail--this pretzel/cookie/whatever condemns me to perpetual fattitude." The habit of (mostly) limiting my eating opportunities to meals is something I value.

But, I've never had a problem with eating while thinking I shouldn't be. I didn't have a lot of guilty feelings about food or treats or trust that I wouldn't be forbidden something that I had to get past. And even now I don't follow the no sweets rule. I don't eat as many sweets as I used to, but if I want it I plate it.

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:16 pm

I have been at this for 6 1/2 months. At first I had quite a few reds, and I still have occasional reds. I probably had 5-6 reds a month at first and now have maybe 1-2. I think I actually went one whole month with no reds. Yet, with all those reds, after 6 months, I have lost over 30 lbs.

The key for me was that I knew I was going to have reds, and I expected it. Therefore, small slips did not send me over the edge.

I have never bought into the 21 day challenge because it is not that important to me to go 21 days without a slip. What is important is to follow the basic rules of the diet as much as possible. I realized very early on that even with a red now and again, I was still eating drastically be tter than before. And I was losing....

amake616 · Post by **amake616** » Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:26 pm

I used the HabitCal for 4 or 5 months until I realized that it was starting to feel suspiciously like work to log-in and register red or green or yellow. I'm a grown-up so I stopped using it several months ago and it hasn't affected my weight adversely or anything else. I think everyone should at least try and use it for a few months to see if it helps but if it doesn't *shrugs* Different strokes.

Marianna · Post by **Marianna** » Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:04 am

I use a different system, habitforge--online. same idea as habitcal, but what i love, and what is so reinforcing is that it emails me every morning with a yes /no choice--I wake up, grab my phone, tap my answer (mostly yes) and I am done--AND it is highly reinforcing--

bleufrancais · Post by **bleufrancais** » Wed Jul 06, 2011 6:08 pm

Thank you so much for your replies! They have given me some practical ideas about keeping a habit cal in a way that won't derail me as well as some thoughtful insights into my all-or-nothing thinking. But most of all, your helpful and kind replies tell me that I'm not alone in having this problem. As you can see, that was my first post to this board. Maybe having this support and the insights of people further along this road will make the difference this time.

Blithe Morning · Post by **Blithe Morning** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 2:00 am

Habitcal is a great piece of software. But I too have never been able to get pass the red mark. I use Joes Goals. I have it set up if I am compliant I get a smiley. If I'm not, I don't - it doesn't matter what I ate.

Removing the "punishment" has helped me stopped wrecking the car. True, I don't get my positive reinforcement but once I cross the line I am better able to stop myself sooner if I don't have a red mark against me.

Purely mind games, I know and this may not work for everyone.

planner lady · Post by **planner lady** » Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:16 pm

Here's a different idea - track shorter time periods. Instead of tracking failure/success for the entire day, track morning, afternoon and evening. I had that same problem with giving up if I messed up and puncturing the remaining tires, as you said. Plus I was struggling to go all day without snacks. So I made my own tracker and it had blocks for morning, afternoon and evening. When I got through the morning without snacking, I highlighted it green. When I got through the afternoon, I highlighted it green. When I got through the evening, I highlighted it green. If I messed up, it was red. This method of tracking also showed when my problem areas were. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for me and maybe it could help you, too.

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:46 pm

Ooh I like that idea planner lady. I do not need that approach now, but I could see how breaking the day apart might be beneficial at the beginning. Another plan might be to have a calendar for each of the S's. One for snacks, one for sweets, and one for seconds. And don't forget the all important exercise calendar.

threewhales · Post by **threewhales** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:47 pm

Thanks for the tip about habitforge.
Just set up my perimeters and am looking forward to the motivation:)

Marianna · Post by **Marianna** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:41 pm

threewhales--Habitforge is awesomesauce! I think you will love it--

Paddylu · Post by **Paddylu** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 2:54 pm

Ahhhh bleufrancais, you have just described me as well. Perfectionism is my downfall in "diets". Like you, if I have one cookie, I end up eating the whole bag as I feel I have already ruined the day. You are certainly not alone. This is my second try at No S and I feel it is a healthy and totally livable eating plan. I am ending my second week and have not yet weighed. So let's stick with it and I know we will see results. Good luck to you.

keriamon · Post by **keriamon** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 9:01 pm

I made the decision to only update my calendar the day after. I only have internet access at work, and I don't want to give myself a green before I've finished my day. Something might happen later that evening at supper.

Rather than marking your calendar red as soon as you slip, why not wait until the following morning? That way, by the time you see it, it will be a new day and you have a new chance to get a green.

You might also decide, when you have the perspective of the entire day, that it wasn't really a red. Maybe you only took a few bites of something, but were good the rest of the day. Or maybe you exercised a lot more than usual. Neither things are good habits, but when you look at your day as a whole, you might say that it wasn't really a red. You may choose to give yourself a white/blank for neutral days that weren't honest wins, but weren't big fails either.

Everyday Systems

Habit Cal and All-or-nothing thinking

Habit Cal and All-or-nothing thinking

Shorter Tracking Periods