I Just Keep Messing Up

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Ruamgirl
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Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 pm

I Just Keep Messing Up

Post by Ruamgirl » Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:00 am

Hello, everyone!

I need help. I'm feeling very discouraged. So far, I have only had 2 No S days, and I have yet to succeed. Yesterday and today, I have slipped up and eaten sweets. All day I was craving them, and I finally gave in. Any advice?? It's pretty pathetic of me to give up so quickly, but I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Thank you!
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. -- Christopher Reeve

thtrchic
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Post by thtrchic » Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:41 am

My best advice is to realize that this is simple, but not at all easy. In fact it's very hard and you shouldn't beat yourself up for not being perfect at it. I personally spent more than 30 years eating badly and I think that's true of many others -- with that as the case you can't expect to just immediately be able to solve the problem.

Another big thing that has helped me is to have fruit as a part of me meals so I still get the sense of sweet, but in a healthy and no-s compliant way. Also, just take it meal by meal, and visualize yourself succeeding. Drink lots of water, make sure your meals are sufficiently filling and include some fat and protein.

I know that a number of people have found it helpful to take 1 S at a time for elimination (on N days). For instance, they'll disallow seconds for the first week, then snacks and seconds in the second, and then by the third worry about all three. Perhaps that easing into it would help you?

Good luck!
Julie

clarinetgal
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Post by clarinetgal » Wed Feb 08, 2012 7:08 am

Don't give up. It's taken me a long time to be able to go without sweets for more than a day or two. Just this past week was the first time I've gone without sweets 5 days in a row. Woo hoo! I think the previous poster had some very good suggestions.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Wed Feb 08, 2012 9:31 pm

How long has it been that you are letting yourself get very discouraged? Your previous "failures" on other eating plans don't count. Have you failed 50 times yet on No S?

One of the biggest problems for habit change, and esp. eating habits, is that we want to be done with the problems in a few weeks. That's just not reasonable. In some good marriages, the spouses don't really argue that much. In other good ones, there is a fair amount of negotiation. You may eventually have a very good marriage with food, but it may take some working out kinks, and that could take awhile. Hardly anyone except Reinhard went from zero to 60 on this, and not that many of us are as emotionally grounded as he is! I guess I should speak for myself.

It took me over a year (most of which I hardly put up a fight, I was so beaten) to get very clear that No S was the most likely plan to save me from myself. Many successful No S-ers didn't have to go through that, but I did, and it's fine now. Even after I got that clear, AND had three compliant months, I bobbed and swerved for another good year, though MOST of that time was okay.

It does not work to be nasty to yourself. The only things that work are being loving or calmly rational. I affirm you'll get to one of them soon.

And, what are you eating for your meals? What are you saying to yourself just before you break one of the "rules?" That will help us give more specific suggestions. But really, most of it is an inside job.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

Ruamgirl
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 pm

Post by Ruamgirl » Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:50 am

In both cases I was feeling deprived (really wanting something sweet), so I gave in. I don't know. Maybe this just isn't for me. I still feel like I'm on a diet, which leads me to intense cravings. Maybe I should try Intuitive Eating. Has anyone had any luck with that?
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. -- Christopher Reeve

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:30 am

Luck with Intuitive Eating? Try gaining 40 lbs. over a period of years. Do you think you won't feel like you're dieting? When you eat what you want, and then have to wait to get hungry and you don't get hungry for 7 or 8 hours, but you would still really really like to eat? How often do you wait until you're hungry to eat now? When you have to stop before you're full all the time, even when you are eating foods designed to get you to eat past your natural satiety level? When you're never hungry when other people are? When you feel you are always having to pick out the exact right thing to eat and you're actually more ruled by food and your "hunger?"

Intuitive eating is not easy. And a lot more people in the history of social groups have been successful with relatively fixed meals than with grazing, which is what IE often turns out to be.

The feeling of "deprivation" will go away, just like many urges to eat that have nothing to do with true hunger, IF you ignore it AND if you realize that every urge has its arc. If you keep giving in before it's reached its peak and dropped, you are fooling yourself into believing it's stronger than you. Actually, it's the giving in that makes it stronger. It is harmless to ignore false hunger and even real hunger, when you've consistently given your body good meals over and over. It's hardly ever more than a few hours.

No S is the best mix of structure and freedom out there. Use your instinct to choose great things to eat for your N day meals and totally on the weekends. Going without sugar 5 days a week will make you more sensitive to food after a few months.

BTW, I overate sugar 90% of the time for DECADES, yet I wouldn't go back to eating it on a daily basis for anything. I love my sweets on the weekends, but I really prefer savory food most of the time now, ESPECIALLY when I'm actually hungry.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

wosnes
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Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Post by wosnes » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:31 am

ruamgirl, I'm sorry, this is going to be pretty blunt. It sounds like you want something that allows you to lose weight and requires little from you. In less than a week you're ready to hang it up because you're having some discomfort from cravings?

Keep on. Change takes time. Keep trying for no sweets, but follow the other rules. Chances are, you're going to see results towards your goal -- weight loss.

If after six months or so you're still struggling, consider a modification -- or decide to keep trying.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

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mimi
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Post by mimi » Thu Feb 09, 2012 2:15 pm

ruamgirl, I think if you can manage to resist sweets for one day, it will be a little easier to resist the next day, and so on...building habit takes time. As the others have said, it doesn't happen overnight. It may come easier for some that others, but it takes work. Sweets have always been my downfall also. I find that, like oolala, I really enjoy them so much more on the weekends.
Keep in mind also, that No Sweets doesn't mean no sugar (although some on these boards restrict that also).
The one thing that has probably helped me the most in my journey with NoS is realizing that I don't have to be perfect - perfection is not attainable, but making progress is.
Each day I work at making progress.
A strategy that I'm using from Judith Beck is to keep a notebook where I write down the things that I do each day that help me towards my goal of habit building with NoS and keeping my day green. In this way you (according to Beck) are building your confidence in what you're doing.
Another thing I find helpful is to come on the boards here and read other people's testimonials...they are truly inspiring!
Good luck and keep at it...it will pay off.

Mimi

:D
Discovered NoS: April 16, 2007
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!

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Blithe Morning
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Post by Blithe Morning » Thu Feb 09, 2012 3:27 pm

If you want a sweet then eat the sweet and call it a fail. Over time, the negative reinforcement will mitigate your cravings. If fail is too strong a word, then call it non-compliant. The world will not end, you will not immediately gain ten pounds, and at the end of the day you are better off eating a sweet and being non-compliant than if you scratch No S all together.

And the usual advice applies: make sure you are eating enough at meals, have a beverage - milk, juice, protein powder - that gets you through the low moments, and eat good tasting food. Limit fat free/sugar free versions of real food. Oh, and start incoporating exercise. It doesn't matter what; just do it.

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:08 pm

Sorry, but I don't agree with saying if you want a sweet, eat a sweet. I don't think you can wait until you don't want sweets not to eat them. However, I do agree with the recommendation to keep a record. If you end up giving in, mark it as a fail, and work not to get so down on yourself for it. If you end up not giving in, mark it as a success. The reward of green and the punishment of red will help.

Remember what you said to yourself before you actually ate the sweet and vow to change your inner messages. Give yourself the chance to experience resisting the urge and getting to the next meal without a fail. If the problem is that you eat a sweet after the meal, have hot cocoa instead as a transition.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

thtrchic
Posts: 1234
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:09 pm
Location: Oakland, CA

Post by thtrchic » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:28 pm

I also just have to say that I doubt just letting yourself eat the sweet when you want it will help you solve your problem. I frequently want sweets and am learning to just resist more and more of the time. This kind of prioritizing is what we have to do as adults: do I want to lose weight/be healthier/take control of my eating or do I want to eat whatever I want when I want it. The choice has to be made because, unfortunately, both just can't be had. That said, you're going to give in to temptation sometimes and I stand by the recommendation to not beat yourself up when that happens. Know that it's a process and just keep working towards the goal.

One of the great benefits of No-S is that the goal isn't to resist every possible thing all the time. It's much more balanced. That also means the weight loss tends to be slower, but the real learning tends to be greater.

Hang in there!
Julie

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Blithe Morning
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Post by Blithe Morning » Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:36 am

oolala53 wrote:Sorry, but I don't agree with saying if you want a sweet, eat a sweet.
I didn't read that advice above. And I certainly did not mean to imply it's ok to eat a sweet.

What I wanted to say was that a contained fail is better than giving up. If you want a sweet that badly that you feel deprived and are tempted to give up, eat the dang sweet, call it a fail, mark it and move on, etc.

Eventually, the negative reinforcement from the fails will help start mitigating the desire to eat sweets.

So OP please do not construe my post as permission to eat sweets unless you are willing to call them fails or non-compliant behaviors. They are what they are and eventually they will be managed if you just give it enough time.

Mander
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Location: UK

Post by Mander » Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:35 am

mimi wrote: A strategy that I'm using from Judith Beck is to keep a notebook where I write down the things that I do each day that help me towards my goal of habit building with NoS and keeping my day green. In this way you (according to Beck) are building your confidence in what you're doing.
This sounds like a great strategy for reinforcing all kinds of good habits! I'll have to look up Judith Beck -- I don't think I've come across this before.

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mimi
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Post by mimi » Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:07 pm

Judith Beck wrote The Beck Diet Solution, which isn't a diet at all...it's a book that helps you to change your thinking in order to change your behavior (cognitive therapy). I learned about it through these boards from another poster who had success using it in conjunction with NoS. While using the Beck Solution, you may follow any eating program you choose. I have found that many of Beck's strategies make a great deal of sense to me and are quite easy to implement. While NoS goes a long way in helping to weaken "diet head," I am hoping that using Beck's strategies will help to eliminate it all together.

Mimi :D
Last edited by mimi on Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Discovered NoS: April 16, 2007
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!

GraceW
Posts: 61
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 2:01 pm

Post by GraceW » Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:40 pm

mimi wrote:Judith Beck wrote The Beck Diet Solution, which isn't a diet at all...it's a book that helps you to change your thinking in order to change your behavior (cognitive therapy). I learned about it through these boards from another poster who had success using it in conjunction with NoS.
Thanks for mentioning this book. I'll have to check out! The daily diet solutions are very helpful reminders.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com/daily-diet-solutions/

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:51 pm

Blithe Morning, I hope I didn't sound like I came down too hard. I did rather think that you meant don't be so hard on yourself for a fail, especially if it's just from having a cookie or two after dinner or whatever.

I may have been the one who mentioned Beck other places. Unfortunately, I actually think she reinforces diet head a bit because she is quite insistent on the importance of deciding ahead of time what you're going to eat and tracking calories, but it is true that the odds are with those habits for long-term maintainers. But we'll never know how many people could lose or keep weight off if they could find a way to eat smart without planning or tracking beyond three plates a day. However, I love so much of the the inner talk she recommends to counteract the thoughts we have that 1) give us permission to overeat, or 2) emphasize the difficulties instead of minimizing them and emphasizing our strength. If I had had to depend on making the changes without consciously, actively working with my thinking, it wouldn't have happened.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ksbrowne
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Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:35 pm
Location: Georgia

Re: I Just Keep Messing Up

Post by ksbrowne » Fri Feb 10, 2012 11:13 pm

ruamgirl wrote:Hello, everyone!

I need help. I'm feeling very discouraged. So far, I have only had 2 No S days, and I have yet to succeed. Yesterday and today, I have slipped up and eaten sweets. All day I was craving them, and I finally gave in. Any advice?? It's pretty pathetic of me to give up so quickly, but I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Thank you!
ruamgirl, I had to do No S very gradually. I just made small changes. I'm still not perfect, but I've lost 15 lbs. and kept it off. My advice is, any parts of No S you can do cold turkey, go ahead and do them. Any parts that are hard, make gradual changes.

The good news is that it gets easier and easier!

Ruamgirl
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 7:14 pm

Post by Ruamgirl » Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:41 am

Thank you everyone for the helpful tips and encouragement! I'm not going to give up. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. :-)

As a side note, does anyone here have (or at some point had) any health issues related to being overweight? If so, has No S helped with that? My triglycerides are sky high, and I would like to rectify that.
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. -- Christopher Reeve

wosnes
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Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Post by wosnes » Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:17 pm

ruamgirl wrote:Thank you everyone for the helpful tips and encouragement! I'm not going to give up. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. :-)

As a side note, does anyone here have (or at some point had) any health issues related to being overweight? If so, has No S helped with that? My triglycerides are sky high, and I would like to rectify that.
I don't know what you eat, but here's my suggestion: the first thing I'd do (actually did) is minimize or eliminate processed foods in your diet. My triglycerides weren't sky-high, but they were a little elevated. When I minimized consumption of processed foods, everything started to return to normal.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:34 am

This is where I'm betting Reinhard would say your doctor's advice rules. Did your doctor make any recommendations? or just say to lose weight? Or anything? Whatever foods are recommended or prohibited, the changes can be incorporated into three plates a day.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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