why is WTH effect so powerful!?

[MJ7910]

So what I am trying to do is stop WTH effect when I do fail but it hasn't been so easy. WTH is almost all consuming for me, literally - I consume all the food I can find.

I do so well and with one slip up, WTH starts. "well you want this, just go ahead, you already messed up.".... "might as well have this too" and then it starts, it's sneaking food, taking random bites of things. what is this and why is it so powerful? why can't i seem to break it. i think for me it's a bit of rebellion. i feel like i need to just fill up the emotional void and i feel like food is the only way. but there are other ways, i just don't want to see them because "think of how good this would taste" takes over!!!

If any of you have successfully dealt with WTH would love to know your strategies. I set up a special HabitCal called onemessuponly so that i can track the times i messed up but was able to not have WTH happen. I thought that would help me but it didn't today because I just wanted more more more.

I know one of the things that happened was I let myself get too hungry before the next meal.

[lbb (Liz)]

I don't really have a solution for you and am in the same boat about messing up today and really going full-force with the WTH syndrome.
I think back, and I'm not bagging on No-S at all, but pre-No-S and though my habits were not stellar, I'd eat a cookie at times, maybe 2, not freak out, but move on.
Maybe I'd binge, maybe not.
But it was LESS black and white.
Now I love the building of good habits here on No-S, but it's SO difficult to keep a slip-up as just that. Especially when you are trying soooo hard to keep to rules and it's just such a disappointment.

Waiting for others' comments, too.
Thanks for the thread.

[Imogen Morley]

To me, WTH effect is more about fixing bad feelings (guilt, self-criticism, disappointment with myself etc.) than anything else. Forgiving and encouraging self-talk sometimes helps: everybody overeats or experiences a slip-up from time to time, healthier stressbusters like exercise, listening to music or watching a funny video work better than stuffing yourself etc.
Following Kelly McGonigal's advice to "reduce the variability of behaviour, not the behaviour itself" to get rid of another pesky "tomorrow will be different" syndrome, I've made it a rule that whenever I give in to temptation, I need to break the rules for the rest of the week as well. When you view it that way, most temptations lose their appeal at once, as no one in their right mind would abandon their goal for so long. It really puts things in perspective.

[carpediem]

Hi MJ~

I like the idea of a "onemessuponly" HabitCal. Think I might try a variation of that myself and see if it helps. I've been struggling this whole month and really need to get back on track. It amazes me that so many on here are totally sold on the merits of NoS and countless testimonies of individual successes are posted; yet with all these good intentions most of us periodically fall into the abyss of old habits and poor choices.

I guess one of the most profound lessons we all have to learn is to not give into old habits and to not over-indulge each time we are standing on emtionally charged sinking sand. You know the old saying "Don't pray for patience" because as soon as you do everything will start going wrong. How else can God teach us to be patient? So in the same sense, how else can we learn to avoid the pitfalls of emotional or compulsive eating without being repeatedly enticed until we finally manage to escape it's grasp? The day that happens will be a good day indeed!!

[r.jean]

I think it would be fun to have a choice of blue on the habitcal to indicate one mess up only. Then we could keep track of it all on one calendar. I suppose leaving a white square would work too.

[MJ7910]

I think back, and I'm not bagging on No-S at all, but pre-No-S and though my habits were not stellar, I'd eat a cookie at times, maybe 2, not freak out, but move on.
Maybe I'd binge, maybe not.
But it was LESS black and white.

yes, it is THIS exactly for me. i mess up and the feelings of guilt. if i could just have some different self talk during that time. ok so you had a banana, it's ok. just move on from here.

someone said this to me once and it's really helped at times "if you dropped your cell phone and scratched the screen would you pick it up or would you grab a hammer and smash it because it has a scratch on it"... it really sits with me and helped me out of a few slips before. so i'm willing to try it again.

[Imogen Morley]

Totally stealing the idea of yellow near misses (which I've had today, oops).

[lbb (Liz)]

Yes, some different self-talk is needed at these times for sure.

I'm thinking of having a habitcal for "break the cycle"...like your idea of yellow on that day. Red if I go all-crazy, but yellow, if I had a bite, and stopped.

Once I have taken a bite of something, and then stopped or moved onto the next thing, I will get some extra incentive for "breaking the cycle" (of bingeing). Maybe on those days I treat myself really well for not crashing the car.

Today, focusing on 3 plates today.
Regardless of my protruding binge tummy and bloat.
I just need to get back into a good cycle.

[MJ7910]

there is nothing worse than the protruding binge tummy to remind myself of what i just did. that's what i have today. my pants are tight. they were loose a few months ago. i don't know why this isn't more motivation for me.

i'm really really motivated to restrict my S days, i have to tell you all that. like i want to launch into full diet mode and start making up some arbitrary rules for myself. but i'm not going to. i am just going to focus right now on making the next 3 days great. when saturday gets here i will try to go with the flow. i may plan on a special treat. i don't want to go crazy again but if i do, i will not beat myself up. the diet mentality is so hard to break and i know that has a lot to do with WTH effect. the guilt, the binging, the restricting all go together.

[oolala53]

MJ, you used a good analogy of dropping the phone and Liz alluded to the one we often use here: you don't go crash the car into a pole just because you got a dent in it. However, the difference is usually you don't even want to drive after the dent! and we still do get the urges to eat after that first bite. They are just vestiges of old ghosts now.

Okay, see if this image helps. One horse got the gate open and now all the other ones are going crazy in the corral. You don't have to calm each horse. Just close the gate. Think to yourself. I can just close the gate on eating. Just turn away from the food, put it away, get out of the kitchen or wherever, etc. Sometimes those thoughts will go through your mind even as you eat, but the next time, they might stop you. If you stop even two bites sooner than usual, that is good. I think sometimes we don't do it because it's so embarrassing to recognize how easy it is. Just don't pick the food up in the first place or don't bring it to your mouth. But here's the thing: if you do bring it to your mouth and eat it, IT IS MEANINGLESS. You attach all sorts of meanings that denigrate you as a person and that is not true and is not helping. You are afraid, possibly, that if you don't feel bad about it, it will mean you are a bad person. Not true.

Anyway, too much trying to figure it out. Just resolve to go make yourself do something else when you get the urges. Once you start doing that, you'll get stronger. But it won't be over in a few days or weeks!

[MJ7910]

love this advice about the horses. it feels just like that. one slip up and the gate is open. all the horses want to run loose. but i can close the gate, i dont' have to let them out just because they want to be out. i will use this next time, thanks so much!

the hardest part, i think for me, is i feel like i am always fighting a battle with this, i can't really let my guard down. i've done great a few days in a row but i know how easily things can go back the other way. i just have to train my thinking. i feel so great not being overfull. i need to remember this, capture this moment in my mind. i am not full. i am not hungry. i am just right! like goldilocks and the three bears. just right. i am trying to encode how this feels. because soon i will forget it once i get a streak of not overeating. then once i overeat again something weird happens where i think i need to feel overly full all the time or it is some kind of emergency. it isn't one but my mind gets tricked into thinking overfull is the only way to be.

[lbb (Liz)]

Just so you know, MJ7910 I so know what you're alluding to on the "overly full" trigger point. The "just right" is tougher to nail, eh?
Good luck and don't be fearful. Just empathetic with yourself. The less harsh you are, I swear the better. "You will feel gross with too much, and you deserve to not feel that way."
And if you do overdo it, "This is too bad...next time you deserve better."
Just a thought I may try.

[jenp]

I am so familiar with the WTH problem.

Here's what I know now: I have to change my thoughts to prevent this from happening.

Say you have a snack and think you've screwed up, feel guilty, and then eat everything. Here's how this looks (FYI: This is based on Brooke Castillo's self-coaching 101 model and I use it in my coaching practice with clients and on myself all the time!)

Circumstance - You ate a snack or a sweet or seconds on an N day
Thought - "I shouldn't have done that!" or "I'll never be able to stick with this!" or some other variation
Feeling - guilt, remorse, sadness, anger, take your pick
Action - eat, eat, eat. Maybe take a few days off from the plan.
Result - Not sticking with the plan/thinking more about how you shouldn't have done that. The results will prove the thought.

So, the circumstance is in the past and you can't change it. The only thing you CAN change is your thought. Look how much better it is when you do this:

Circumstance: You had a snack or second or sweet
Thought: "I had a sweet. I will do better tomorrow." or "I had a snack. That's off plan, but it's not the end of the world." You get the drift
Feeling: Neutral, or maybe happy because you're not beating yourself up
Action: No more eating
Result: You do better tomorrow because you've been kind to yourself.

Circumstances can cause thoughts which cause feelings which cause actions which cause results.

Think better thoughts and you'll get better results!!! When I decided to do the No S plan that was it, I made up my mind and said "I can do this" and check in with myself every day. My thoughts create my reality.

Good luck!!

[oolala53]

And the other thing is that the thoughts may precede the actual behavior by many tries. They may even be part of the process of learning, so even when we have the right thoughts, but still eat, it doesn't mean we failed. We are actually on the right path.

And lastly, try to get over the idea that we have to be one of the people who finds something and has it stick, who seems like all the problems were over in a few weeks or months. "OH, I lost my weight in three months and have kept it off. " EXCEPTION, EXCEPTION, EXCEPTION. And they often don't count all the other failures as part of the process. And they don't always see what else they had in place. The give all the credit to eating Paleo or vegan or some diet, when it was really the readiness to put other psychological strategies in practice. Or their success depends on their never having a certain food again. I always think, "Let me talk to you in five years." EVen then, if they are successful, they will STILL be the exception. I'm willing to play the odds and get there in due time.

[MJ7910]

Just so you know, MJ7910 I so know what you're alluding to on the "overly full" trigger point. The "just right" is tougher to nail, eh?
Good luck and don't be fearful. Just empathetic with yourself. The less harsh you are, I swear the better. "You will feel gross with too much, and you deserve to not feel that way."
And if you do overdo it, "This is too bad...next time you deserve better."
Just a thought I may try.

I love this idea. I deserve better. I deserve to not abuse my body by overeating. I know I'll feel awful, so why do it? makes perfect sense!

[lbb (Liz)]

You DO deserve better.
If the "fail" happens, give it a "shoulder shrug" and move on.
I've been doing pretty well lately. Not completely vanilla, though that works for most, but I'm allowing a sweet here and there and doing all I can to stay completely NEUTRAL. Just like, "well that was nice, moving along."
I know for me, without bingeing/what-the-heck-ing, my life is so much more pleasant.
And that comes from NOT beating myself up.
Once again, give it the "shoulder shrug" and the "how can I avoid this next time?" and move along.
WE CAN DO THIS!

[MJ7910]

You DO deserve better.
If the "fail" happens, give it a "shoulder shrug" and move on.
I've been doing pretty well lately. Not completely vanilla, though that works for most, but I'm allowing a sweet here and there and doing all I can to stay completely NEUTRAL. Just like, "well that was nice, moving along."
I know for me, without bingeing/what-the-heck-ing, my life is so much more pleasant.
And that comes from NOT beating myself up.
Once again, give it the "shoulder shrug" and the "how can I avoid this next time?" and move along.
WE CAN DO THIS!

shoulder shrug on yesterday and move on... it happened, i was hungry, i did it and it's over. resume today and present thinking.