Pretty ugly weekend

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Donna O
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Pretty ugly weekend

Post by Donna O » Mon May 01, 2006 2:55 am

I stayed on the path this week ( yeah !)

but i really out did myself this weekend

i am almost a little fearful that i won't be able to get back in the groove

starting monday

... i think that i have been eating since about noon on saturday--

i feel horrible !!

i had a pretty heated discussion with my OA sponsor about treats on the weekend-- she says no sugar EVER, and i do not think that it is realistic
to say that i will never again eat sugar-- any thoughts, anyone ?

XOXO to all

Donna O

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peetie
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Post by peetie » Mon May 01, 2006 3:09 am

Donna, My opinion on the sugar issue is that if you think you're addicted to it, you are. But I've never read any studies proving there is an actual addiction factor in it.

I used to be the biggest sugar junkie on the planet, and would consume sweet things other people would just cringe at it was SO sweet. And in scary volumes!

But since I started feeding myself right, most of the time. Not starving myself so I'd want to binge, I've been able to eat it in reasonable quantities. When I have it, I have it at the end of a meal.....a meal that has protein and fat and fiber in it preferably. Then, by the time I get to my sweet treat, I can have it in a reasonable portion and stop. My blood sugar stays steady due to the balancing effect of the protein, fat and fiber, and I'm not truly hungry....so I'm not eating it to satisfy hunger, but more a taste.

I think most of us go a little crazy on our first S weekends until we get the hang of it and figure how to do it best for us. Reinhard suggested I think of it as a reward for my diligence all week. So, I plan to have a sweet treat after one meal, and I don't pay such close attention to my other meals. But I don't go on wild and wooley binges anymore. No need to.

I think key in going back to eating "clean" on Monday is planning some meals you will really enjoy. Just cause it's healthy doesn't mean you can't enjoy it too. Infact, I would suggest you don't eat foods you don't like. If you are going back to foods you like, and in quantities that make you feel comfortable and energized, it's pretty nice to go back to. Not a chore at all!

Hang in there and experiment with yourself. Remember.....loosening up on the reigns on the weekend isn't a pass to binge. It's a pass to loosen up on the restrictions somewhat....there's a big difference!

Peetie

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navin
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Post by navin » Mon May 01, 2006 3:12 am

Donna,

I agree that no sweets ever is unrealistic for most people (especially me!)

Going overboard on the weekend is OK. Actually, I can already see it's done some good- you went a little wild, and are now a bit disgusted with yourself, it seems. That's a great way to get back into the groove for the week. Think of Monday as an opportunity to start clean.

Eventually, you'll get the weekends under control. But even if you don't, mathematics is in your favor: 5 good days - 2 bad days = still a net gain.
Before criticizing someone, you should try walking a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Mon May 01, 2006 2:01 pm

Donna,

Navin is right: use that disgust. Remembering it will make you appreciate your rule-enforced weekday moderation. And the weekends will get better, really. It's a little like learning to ride a bike. During the week, you've got training wheels. When you take the training wheels off on the weekend, you fall down a lot at first. That's to be expected. But eventually you get good enough to keep yourself up (for short distances at least) without any training wheels (then the analogy breaks down a bit, because it's best to keep doing no-s forever during the week).

Hope this week and coming weekend go better,

Reinhard

Donna O
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Location: arkansas

thank you all !!

Post by Donna O » Mon May 01, 2006 3:11 pm

thank you all for support and encouragement !

as a recovering bulimic-the fact that i am looking forward to eating
within the rules this week speaks volumes for this mind set

i will just have to experiment with sugar on the weekends, to see if i can handle it-- but just knowing that i can have some on the weekends
diminishes the obsession with it during the week ( very nice ! )

you guys are great !!

i hope that you all have a great week !

Donna O

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gratefuldeb67
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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Tue May 02, 2006 12:39 am

Hi Donna :)
At the risk of seeming like an amateur psychologist... I believe that most serious eating disorders are self esteem based...
Your bulimia was your way, albeit a very dangerous and detrimental way, of feeling like you were in control of your body and what food could and couldn't do to you... Each time Monday rolls around and you realize that you, infact can get right back into N day habits, you will build a new and healthy self respect and hopefully self esteem that if very very possible and attainable... This is something that "banning" a food can't do for you..
When you ban something, it's like you are saying.. "I can't do this"... All or nothing is an eventual pitfall waiting to happen...
Banning something for life, unless it's truly something you can't tolerate, like if you had some food allergy, is not as rewarding as truly developing you ability to have those foods in moderation... Now if moderation means for a few months or maybe even several, some of your S days feel really over the top, but you are good during the week, then so be it...
Don't criticize yourself or beat yourself up... Eventually, your body will learn to moderate better on it's own! I promise...

I took about 6 or 7 months to not have crazy S days, and to back off a little on the "overloaded" plates, but it happened all on it's own...

Good luck to you and savor every successful moment you have on NoS!!!
It's for life, so enjoy it!
Peace and Love,
8) Deb
There is no Wisdom greater than Kindness

This path is my life
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Post by This path is my life » Tue May 02, 2006 1:01 am

Donna,

Hi my name is Jenn and I too am a recovering bulimic and was also once a member of OA. It feels strange and a little scary to put that out there, but I think that honesty and openness is also a part of the healing process and if I can be of help to you then that would be great.

What I liked about OA was the intimate support, the sponsorship, and the sense of belonging and caring, but what I didn't like was what you mentioned, the fact that we were never supposed to eat sugar... EVER AGAIN. I think that that just plain doesn't make any sense as we are human beings (read: fallible, imperfect, not generally possessing an iron will) and in terms of the context of the society we live in this is extremely difficult. Sweets can be incredibly enjoyable, rewarding, a lovely part of living, and also can be (relatively) harmless and on the No S-diet this really is possible. Also with OA I felt that not having sweets, at least for me, was not doable in the lifetime sense, which is what I am personally striving for.

I just wanted to share my experience with you because we have some things in common here and if you want to talk more about this, please let me know. I have been on the no-s diet unofficially for three months and officially for 3 days. I don't know or care how much weight I've lost because for me this is about finding a sane and sustainable way of eating in the long-term. It's already getting easier, it really really does. Just give it time.

Another thing that was difficult for me in OA, (and I know this is controversial to some) was putting so much faith into a higher power, because I really felt like I should be doing it myself 100% and maybe some would argue that my faith in a higher power was not absolute enough to just "give it all up" to she/he/it. Just realize that being on No-S will require you to shift this focus, for some this works well (and is preferable, like for me) and others not, so that's something to consider as well.

Regarding the crazy binge weekends, I have to say that in the past 3 months I have had some tough s-days to say the least. Sometimes it made me doubt the entire plan and if I could maintain it. But I have had a lot of progress with that too, especially recently. Don't despair, this does get easier and easier to deal with as you start to realize that you don't need to satisfy every craving you've ever in one day (or one meal for that matter). For me something that I just started to experiment with (and that hopefully will be my solution) is choosing the treats and things that I really enjoy and having a couple of those every weekend. (I have only tried this once, but I plan to do so next weekend too). I think also a good idea is to use the boards and ask questions and for advice for others, to me this gives the component of the support group of OA, which as I said was something I found very valuable.

I hope that my advise/experience will help you even a little bit. Good luck and just stick to it, from what I've read and the little I've experienced so far this really seems to be a sustainable life plan, good for the body as well as the mind.
"There is no such thing as a bad choice, there is only the next choice"

Donna O
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 5:37 pm
Location: arkansas

to jenn

Post by Donna O » Tue May 02, 2006 2:19 am

Jenn... we were meant to find each other

i am still a member of OA, and i totally believe in the 12 steps

BUT ( behold the upcoming truth)

I needed a truly do- able food plan, and thus i found No S

thank you, thank you, thank you for putting it out there for my benefit

i know your pain and you know mine

i feel that my higher power led me to this site- this is a plan that i can do

... i wonder if reinhard knows how much healing he has facilitated with
only 14 words

XO

Donna O

This path is my life
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To Donna

Post by This path is my life » Tue May 02, 2006 4:08 am

Donna,

I am so so glad that you feel that way and I do hope and think that we can help each other! Send me a message whenever you feel like it ok?

I first wanted to comment that reflecting on my earlier post and with what I've seen as far as people posting here I'd like to ammend what I said earlier and say that in reality you don't have to completely shift your focus from a higher power if that is important to you because I have noted that a lot of people on this board for example do give thanks to God for their progress, it's just not an explicit part of the program as with OA. My specific beliefs are another matter on which I have not arrived at any set conclusions yet for myself. Right now I am focusing on the mental and physical parts of my life, the spiritual for me will come later when I am healthier in those two other aspects. I am really glad that the higher power concept has helped you, I have seen it help a lot of people especially in OA and it be an incredibly positive and guiding force. I do really believe that wherever you draw your strength from to move forward and create healthy change in your life is positive.

I am also very happy that OA is working for you on the whole, maybe you can complement OA with No-S (maybe by using No-S as your plan of eating), the main issue like you said though would be the sweets. What kind of conclusion did you come to with your sponsor about that? Can I ask what your trigger foods are in general? Because I think if sweets is specifically one of them that could be something to consider too. Mine used to be sweets (and on occasion still are) especially chocolate, ice cream, donuts, cookies, pop tarts (and the list goes on) also snacky foods like doritos, peanut butter and tortilla chips and that's why for the past three months I've had some HORRIBLE s-days as I mentioned before because I was just so used to feeling guilty about eating them because in my mind they were still "forbidden" which just kept that vicious cycle going.

That is the thing about No-S that is ultimately freeing in my mind, it allows you to break the "no, never, bad, shame, guilt, forbidden, perfection, failure," cycle. As Reinhard said (I don't remember exactly where) it's not about what it's about when. You can eat whatever you want just not all the time (because that's just ridiculous), so therein lies the simple beauty of it. Apart from those I don't know how many weekends of self-loathing I also have had some great moments of freedom from obsessing and worrying and instead just being able to relax and enjoy. However, that hasn't been very easy to maintain thus far because I still feel like I should be depriving myself, restricting as much as possible and eating perfectly all the time and that I have to make up for x "bad" food after I eat it even on an s-day. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt, why do we do that to ourselves?

But I am little by little moving towards letting go of these negative thoughts and actions. I think it's crazy how much we seem to want to punish ourselves, deny ourselves pleasure and make ourselves feel guilty for enjoying life. I should be working more, cleaning out my desk, paying bills, I can't eat carbs, chocolate, cheesecake, rice cakes... For me ideally S-days are about shutting off at least for a moment from the things I should be doing and just plain enjoying whatever. That's why we don't have to shovel-glove or urban-ranger on those days, and we can have a special treat, because it is all about balance and moderation, and that's why it's as close to perfect as anything will ever be.

I used to have this mentality that x number of cookies = x amount of time exercising the next day, or x salads or whatever. I used to avoid things like going out to dinner and social gatherings (even with people that I really loved) because the "forbidden" food temptations were just too scary. We need to realize that we deserve much much more than that, we deserve our pleasures, every one of them, a walk outside on a sunny Thursday, a rich piece of dark chocolate on a winter Saturday, a special moment with a loved one any day and why not? Donna whatever path you choose I hope that you find happiness and peace and just know that we are all here to help you find your way.
"There is no such thing as a bad choice, there is only the next choice"

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Wed May 03, 2006 7:00 pm

Welcome, Jenn!

No-s is 100% compatible with faith in a higher power. It just puts a little more emphasis on the "courage to change the things I can" part of the famous serenity prayer.

Reinhard

Donna O
Posts: 30
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Location: arkansas

Physical discipline

Post by Donna O » Thu May 04, 2006 4:29 am

Jenn-- I agree with you completely... i have a friend, a marathon runner

who sums it up best when he says that PHYSICAL discipline will lead to SPIRITUAL discipline

eating 3 moderate healthy meals with no snacks in between and no sugar
( on N days) is most assuredly physical discipline

when i put the food down, i am forced to rely on a power greater than myself to show me how to handle all of those things that normally i would eat over

.... i am exploring what my trigger foods are, definitely peanut butter
( i know that is weird-- but for me, i will eat it until i am sick)

and i used to think sweets-- but i find that when i am not restricting so severly, and i allow myself to get full at mealtimes ( very scary)
then the overwhelming craving for sugary foods is much, much less

... the problem that i have with OA in my area is that they are soooo
focused on spiritual recovery, that no one really owns up to the fact that they are still way into the food...

... i mean, what the heck !! it is really hard for me to listen to a 300 lb
women talk about her "spiritual recovery "... i do not believe that you can have spiritual recovery without first having some degree of physicial recovery..

i get that support and discipline on this site

and love and understanding from the people here

this week end i will experiment more with sugar-- if it makes " seek"
then i am willing to give it up.. although i don't think that it will..

hugs and warm wishes

Donna O

This path is my life
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Post by This path is my life » Fri May 05, 2006 3:05 pm

Donna,

First a word about peanut butter. I don't think the peanut butter thing is wierd at all actually, that used to be one of my most dangerous trigger foods, I think it's that perfect combination of high fat and sweet plus the psychological comfort associated with childhood pb & js. I too used to eat it until I was sick. Now my "relationship" with peanut butter is much much healthier, I would say "normal" even. I eat it a fair amount now but no more than a spoonful at a time. I actually have found that I like the natural kind better than Jif, Skippy, commercial kind (which can stay good for a year+ which kind of makes me worried about how many preservatives are in it, so I switched to natural which you even have to keep in the fridge) I enjoy peanut butter so much more now, but it took me awhile to have a "normal relationship" with it. (i.e. not take a spoon and eat 1/2 the jar in one sitting)

Which brings up another point in my mind. Normalcy. It may sound strange to some, but my goal was always to be "normal" with food. I didn't want to obsess anymore, I just wanted to eat like a normal person. (see peanut butter example). I wanted to stop when I was full and to eat at normal times and normal amounts. For me the No-S diet has been able to give me that gift. As I have learned over the past few months (I've only been on the board officially since April 28, 2006, but have been on No-S for 3 months prior) it is the road to return to sanity. But my journey originally began with OA. OA will always be very special to me because of that. I am very happy that it has helped you too. I really identify too when you talk about the will and the desire to eat feeling bigger than yourself. That is where OA can be really helpful, because it honestly feels so strong and uncontrollable sometimes as I'm sure you've experienced.

I used to feel nervous about feeling full as well because I would automatically think: "I ate too much" and start that cycle of guilt instead of thinking "Ok, I've eaten enough". I agree with you that both the physical and spiritual recovery are essential to building/restoring a healthy and comfortable relationship with food and ultimately with yourself. I realized this only recently, so it's great that you have already recognized this fact.

My absolute favorite and most helpful thing that anyone ever said to me in OA was "Food is the symptom, not the problem". What is the real reason that we are eating when we're not hungry (or even when we're already full)? What emotions are we hiding from or trying not to feel? Why do we tend to associate feelings and food so closely? I have been able to work through a lot of the reasons why I overeat, but I know it will still be a lifelong process. Your combination of No-S and OA seems really great to me, just remember that trying to get to the root of the reasons that make you overeat is an extremely important step as well.

Let us know how you're doing and what you decided with sugar. You know talking to you about this has made me consider going back to my old OA group for a visit just to see how everyone is doing.

Good luck and have a great day Donna
"There is no such thing as a bad choice, there is only the next choice"

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