S day anxiety

Bennedicta · Post by **Bennedicta** » Fri Feb 07, 2014 6:00 pm

Hello, I am quite a new member. I had one abortive start of just 2 days. things then went to custard a little, for a week or so but I was reading the webpage during this time, and beginning to notice what and when I eat.

I am a perma-eater. Once I start eating I don't stop, I am never hungry.

I now have 4 green days Ina row, and I am feeling good. I actually feel as though I have lost weight, my clothes certainly feel slightly better, but I am not weighing until the end of the month.

Today is my first s day and I am anxious. My hubby wants to go out for morning tea to our favorite restaurant, where we always have a slice of vegan chocolate cake.

I want to go out with hubby and have an enjoyable time, but I woke several times last night worrying about that wretched cake. What if it starts the endless snacking again.

What to do, not eat the cake and make hubby feel bad? Refuse to go? Or just go and learn to sit with the anxiety? What do others do?

Benni

jw · Post by jw » Fri Feb 07, 2014 6:09 pm

Benni, S days are for cake! If it leads to more snacking, it's still an S day. Part of moderation is learning how to handle cake -- and if you don't ever eat it, you won't learn that. Having treats on S days is over the top for many of us, especially when we're just starting out, but the desire to do that gradually wanes.

Good luck and enjoy your cake today!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:16 pm

You can't fail on an S Day, Benni!
S days are when you take the training wheels off of your habits and just wobble through the weekend (at the beginning).
Be gentle with yourself.
N Days will be here again soon.

Bennedicta · Post by **Bennedicta** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 4:38 am

Thank you. I ate the cake, it was lovely! I am currently making a fruit crumble for dessert which we will have with coconut cream. But I have been fine the rest of the day so far.

Benni

CM2014 · Post by **CM2014** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 1:24 pm

jw wrote:Benni, S days are for cake! If it leads to more snacking, it's still an S day. Part of moderation is learning how to handle cake -- and if you don't ever eat it, you won't learn that. Having treats on S days is over the top for many of us, especially when we're just starting out, but the desire to do that gradually wanes.

Good luck and enjoy your cake today!

This is what I am struggling with. Part of me wants to just forget about sweets on S days because I have such a hard time stopping once I start eating them

The other part really wants to learn how to eat them in moderation.

I am not sure what I need most: a complete purge so the desire goes away OR the ability to eat sweets with greater self-control

I don't even know if I have enough will power to achieve either one.
I haven't figured out if it is physicological or biological (some type of chemical/hormonal imbalance).

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 3:25 pm

For the record, eating cake may lead to the DESIRE to permasnack, but it in itself doesn't lead to the actual eating. A person can have desires and still not follow them. The permasnacking is caused by permasnacking: actually picking up the food and eating it just because you thought of it, not the desire itself. It's an illusion for 95% of people that they can't control themselves.

I myself chose to go through many, many S days of permasnacking rather than control them at all with mods. I worked on not judging myself for them. Eventually, I got tired of them and did use mods. The desire to snack, especially on sweets, has never actually completely gone away on S days after 4 years, but it's so vague in comparison that it's rather meaningless.

At this point, the only thing that really matters is your commitment to N days., no matter what. After S days, some people feel no desire to keep eating sweets and some do. Don't wait for the desire to go away before you stick to the plan on N days. You can deal with S days in six months or so, but by then, they may not be an issue.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 3:25 pm

For the record, eating cake may lead to the DESIRE to permasnack, but it in itself doesn't lead to the actual eating. A person can have desires and still not follow them. The permasnacking is caused by permasnacking: actually picking up the food and eating it just because you thought of it, not the desire itself. It's an illusion for 95% of people that they can't control themselves.

I myself chose to go through many, many S days of permasnacking rather than control them at all with mods. I worked on not judging myself for them. Eventually, I got tired of them and did use mods. The desire to snack, especially on sweets, has never actually completely gone away on S days after 4 years, but it's so vague in comparison that it's rather meaningless.

At this point, the only thing that really matters is your commitment to N days., no matter what. After S days, some people feel no desire to keep eating sweets and some do. Don't wait for the desire to go away before you stick to the plan on N days. You can deal with S days in six months or so, but by then, they may not be an issue.

Bennedicta · Post by **Bennedicta** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 5:39 pm

Thank you for the replies, and oolala, thank you for the distinction between desire and action.

I was fine until supper. Cake for morning tea with hubby, and then a homemade dessert, fresh fruit crumble, lovingly prepared with fruit from the garden, plus a little brought stuff, wholemeal flour, oatmeal, raw sugar etc. (I love to cook). Eaten at a table with my family.

Then the evening set in, and so did I. I munched my way steadily through a variety of junk for the rest of the evening and went to bed bloated. I watched myself doing it and kept asking 'why?' I was not hungry, what is making me behave in this way?

It seemed to be 'because I can' a sort of childish response that if I don't make the most of it I won't get another chance. Actually, of course, I will as s days come in pairs, but my stupid brain didn't know that. My clever brain was watching stupid brain throughout the entire process. Stupid brain was going...".this is your only chance, eat now or die!" Clever brain was going " what are you on? There is food around every day, you are not even hungry. This is silly" but stupid brain was in the ascendency last night.

It was interesting to watch, and today is another s day of course, and I shall be on the lookout. What drives me to perma snack, how do I feel at the time, why is stupid brain so scared and how can we calm it down?

It is an interesting learning experience apart from anything else! What drives people to behave in the way they do....with an experimental cohort of one...me!

Ever onwards
Benni

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 5:49 pm

You overeat because it's a habit. Habits are brain patterns that cause sensations and thoughts that spur you to repeat the action. Food is naturally rewarding for the majority of human beings. Only cultures that have guidelines for limiting food stay slim, if they have access to food. Nearly all cultures in the world that have free access to food are also overweight or more, on average. It's not actually stupid. Just at this point, with so much food available, it's unnecessary. But the wiring is still there.

Just about everybody has done it. This is part of the initiation! Don't despair and try not to get mad at yourself. (Getting mad at yourself is actually part of the cycle and will make it more likely to repeat the whole thing.) You're right on track. Congratulate yourself!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 7:06 pm

Hi Benni,
I think you're at a fine place right now. Your clever brain is able to observe what stupid brain is doing. Over time the clever brain will take over the driver's seat. But awareness is an important step in the process. Try to be patient. Give your energy to keeping your N days good. Let the S days be something you worry about much farther down the line, if at all.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 9:29 am

Hi Benni,

I think it's way too early for you to be worrying about S days and permasnacking on S days. You run the risk that you will fail altogether if you deprive yourself too much at the beginning. Definitely read KCCC's thread on Phases of NoS:

http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=6437

I used to be a really bad permasnacker and I didn't modify my S days at all these last 1 1/2 years and yet they are definitely getting better without me lifting a finger. What I now consider a bad S day would have been a very tame one before NoS.

My advice: enjoy your Sdays and hands off mods until you have your N days down for at least 6 months.

You might also like to read this:
http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=6437

Bennedicta · Post by **Bennedicta** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 4:56 pm

Thank you for the links.

Benni

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 6:17 pm

oolala53 wrote:
Just about everybody has done it. This is part of the initiation! Don't despair and try not to get mad at yourself. (Getting mad at yourself is actually part of the cycle and will make it more likely to repeat the whole thing.) You're right on track. Congratulate yourself!

totally true! my first S days were just like that. i definitely had the "because i can" attitude. it does get better. there are now weekend days where the thought of eating crosses my mind and i think "nah, i really don't want to have that, there is no point" there is even boxes of christmas candy still on my counter because i just don't have the need to do it anymore. this is me after a year on NoS. A full year! there are still those days where i eat it because i can. but the permasnacking mentality is gone. it takes a while. just go with it. if you are having nice N days and sticking to it then, those good habits will start to override S days to some extent over time. you will still enjoy eating and look forward to S days but it will be in a way different way. maybe that one thing you've been wanting instead of everything. i have been there. i am a former binge eater. soemtimes i didn't even want stuff but i ate it "because i coudl" in early S days. it does get better!