Non-addictive psychological difficulties

An everyday system, TM, is a simple, commonsense solution to an everyday problem, grounded by a pun or metaphor. Propose/discuss new systems here.
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fkwan
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Non-addictive psychological difficulties

Post by fkwan » Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:41 pm

Has anyone used the system to fix a non-addictive problem?

I'm having a lot of problems dealing with my husband's mother, who unfortunately is too far gone to live by herself, and lives with us. She has had electroshock therapy and has OCD of the hoarding/buying type, plus the germ obsession. In a sentence, she's driving ME crazy, and I need some help handling it because my anger toward her is out of control. I don't understand why I can get rid of wanting a snack but I can't seem to get rid of wanting to take a baseball bat to all her STUFF. I figured out that I'm scared ****less of becoming her but I can't fit this into a glass ceiling or S day format. :) I don't think I've ever actively hated another human being as much as this lady and she's 80 years old for heaven's sake!

f

lmt2pt
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Post by lmt2pt » Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:23 pm

There is a reason caregiver support groups exist. ESPECIALLY for those dealing with someone else's mental issues. What kind of therapy or treatment is she currently receiving? Are you seeing a therapist or going to a support group?

As the child of alcoholics who lived with one of them well into adulthood, I understand your pain. While everyday systems has helped with food and exercise issues, Al-Anon and my therapist are the reason I didn't:
1) kill her
2) kill myself
3) become her
4) marry someone like her
Heather

resting52
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Post by resting52 » Sun May 04, 2008 2:09 pm

Another really wonderful group is NAMI. National Association for Mental Illness. They have great support. Dealing with mental illness is NEVER easy. Living with Crazy is unbelievable hard. Give yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up for being angry or frustrated. Those are natural responses to living with an awful illness.

OCD is terribly persistant brain injury type thing-now the prevailing thought is that it is an autoimmune response secondary to a strep or viral infection. It isn't contagious-you won't be like her! Remember, no mentally ill person wants to be like they are-they are trapped. But there is help. I hope she is getting it.

Maybe if you thought of the OCD as cancer or diabetes you could deal with her better and not be so frustrated. At least that is what I do. Also I do a lot of praying.

I love reading all your posts because you do have a great sense of humor plus you are such a wonderful encourager!

Resting

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fkwan
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Post by fkwan » Sun May 04, 2008 2:35 pm

resting52 wrote:Another really wonderful group is NAMI. National Association for Mental Illness. They have great support. Dealing with mental illness is NEVER easy. Living with Crazy is unbelievable hard. Give yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up for being angry or frustrated. Those are natural responses to living with an awful illness.
Never heard of them. Thanks.
OCD is terribly persistant brain injury type thing-now the prevailing thought is that it is an autoimmune response secondary to a strep or viral infection. It isn't contagious-you won't be like her! Remember, no mentally ill person wants to be like they are-they are trapped. But there is help. I hope she is getting it.
Hmm. I have two autoimmune disorders, rheumatoid and hypothyroid (probably from Hashimoto's thyroiditis, although it could be from trauma when I was run over). I hadn't heard that theory, which is interesting because her son has it too, only not as bad. He has the Mad Scientist version, where the shop or laboratory looks like a tornado hit it. Most everybody knows someone like that. :) Stuff piled up everywhere. I guess I can stand his version because all the STUFF is usable, like books or power tools and such.

Image

The above is a sample of the chaos. The article of furniture the chaos is on happens to be a futon my husband gave her to sleep on. She sleeps on the floor.

No, she isn't getting any "help". The truth of the matter is she was born batshit crazy and will die that way. She once got so bad that the son ended up in a children's home and she ended up getting shock therapy. It would never dawn on her that she needed help, and, because she doesn't care about anyone else on earth, wouldn't accept any. She just "buys stuff and gives people stuff", but it's never, ever anything they want, and it's usually something they have three of already. :) Example: my husband is a gardener and last year we had ten million pumpkins whose innards are still in our freezer. What did she foist on us but a dented can of pumpkin from Walmart! A Buddhist teacher friend of mine insisted that was a "warped example of compassion" but I still can't see it. It would be nice if I could, but then I'd be a "Buddhist teacher" -- and have more green squares on my calendar.
Maybe if you thought of the OCD as cancer or diabetes you could deal with her better and not be so frustrated. At least that is what I do. Also I do a lot of praying.
Wait a sec...you have OCD, or a family member with same? Obviously. Well, diabetes. That's another story. She eats candy by the ton and crap she gets from Walmart and the Swiss Colony. :) So the last time she went to the MD her glucose was off the charts. The poor doctor, who is clueless, gave her a meter.

Guess what happened to the meter -- it's at the bottom of one of the mountains of crap in her room. An expensive glucometer that we probably have to give back to the doctor.
I love reading all your posts because you do have a great sense of humor plus you are such a wonderful encourager!

Resting
Thank you, you've made my day. By the way, if that is your resting pulse rate, how did you get that fit?

hugs, f
One must know his limitations. -- John Milius
Beginning weight: 115
Currently: Haven't a clue

resting52
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Post by resting52 » Sun May 04, 2008 11:39 pm

No, I'm not OCD but I do have a PhD=Piled High and Deep. I do have a family member that has OCD but now that this person is aware of the disorder it is no longer life controlling. If something comes up that might be OCD, it is evaluated and treated as such. What freedom from knowing your disorder. I'm sorry your MIL never got good, adequate treatment for this. It certainly has/will destroy her joy in living.

I'm sorry you have to deal with all this garbage. Would she notice if the piles started getting smaller?

Actually giving you the pumpkin is pretty funny. Good for you not to lop it at her head! Such restraint!

The diabetes is pretty scary. It would be hard not to be torn between wishing someone would just go ahead and finish themselves off with a bag of chocolate, or thinking that you will just have to end up taking care of them if they don't actually die. Doesn't that sound morbid. Actually, as a Christian, I try to put all these things into perspective. Don't always succeed, but I know my Lord is a very gentle, forgiving, and all wise Savior and He certainly puts up with me. Makes it easier.

Dealing with your own autoimmune stuff must entail a lot of tweaking to the meds and therapies, and checking, and such. You do well to stay so slim and healthy!

Oh, I'm 52, so it's my age, not my pulse. And I'm Resting in the Truth. Right now, I'm also resting in the freedom of NoS!

Resting

jules
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Post by jules » Tue May 06, 2008 7:32 pm

hiya Fkwan, I too greatly enjoy your posts.

I can definitely see what your MiL doing as a type of compassion gone haywire -- at least with the gift-giving. She knows you folks wanted pumpkin, so, by golly, she gave you pumpkin. Albeit a scary dented can. :shock: Indeed it would take constraint in the situation.

Have you tried shovelglove? Instead of visualizing "chop wood" you could visualize "chopping excess clutter." That might prove therapeutic and I'd think it wouldn't violate the Middle Path. :P

It is hard to hear about your MIL's own disregard for her physical health. That must be very hard.

jules

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fkwan
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Post by fkwan » Tue May 06, 2008 10:16 pm

jules wrote:hiya Fkwan, I too greatly enjoy your posts.

I can definitely see what your MiL doing as a type of compassion gone haywire -- at least with the gift-giving. She knows you folks wanted pumpkin, so, by golly, she gave you pumpkin. Albeit a scary dented can. :shock: Indeed it would take constraint in the situation.
Jules, I enjoy your posts too. Actually, we didn't "want" pumpkin, we had enough pumpkin. It's like, she can SEE we have X number of fill in the blank items, so she'll get us one more.
Have you tried shovelglove? Instead of visualizing "chop wood" you could visualize "chopping excess clutter." That might prove therapeutic and I'd think it wouldn't violate the Middle Path. :P
Heh heh heh. I have indeed. Regretfully, it's not the clutter I've been chopping. We so won't go there. :)
It is hard to hear about your MIL's own disregard for her physical health. That must be very hard.
Well, actually, she's quite healthy for someone who (a) never moves; (b) rarely goes outside, and (c) eats crap. In fact she's so healthy I can't figure it out. She does have some kind of esophagitis or hiatal hernia, and leg swelling and other signs of peripheral vascular disease, but she won't go see a gastroenterologist and is apparently not worried about throwing a clot.

hugs f
One must know his limitations. -- John Milius
Beginning weight: 115
Currently: Haven't a clue

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alien-bear
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Oy - issues

Post by alien-bear » Tue May 13, 2008 3:37 pm

I have been thinking on and meditating on my own MIL's mental and physical illnesses and why it all makes me so angry that I can barely be civil to her. It is something I am ashamed of and very out of character as I generally consider myself a care-giver and a sympathetic person.

She has Lupus, fibromyalgia and Sjogren's syndrome. The medications and long battle with these diseases make her very paranoid and crazy, but as I have known her 15 years now... she has always had a streak of this. She accuses us of breaking into her house and moving her stuff around, she is completely incapable of being where she says she will be when she says she will be there. She always calls and says she can't do X because she is sick. And yet does what she wants to do. My feelings for her run from sympathy to hostility in seconds.

My DH is rather unconventionally on "my side" he checks in with her, offers help etc but does not in any way make me deal with her and does not let our children stay with her unsupervised. She recently bought herself a yappy, bitey little dog, so its a good excuse to give her a wide berth with the kids.

The thing is that my feelings are my problem not hers and I recognize that they are completely out of proportion with the situation at hand, she does not live with us (yet) and she is simperingly sweet (at least on the outside). I lost my mother to cancer before I was 20, and I think it has done something to me. I get very angry when people are sick. When my DD (10) had pneumonia last year and was in the hospital overnight, I had to make this concerned Mommy mask out of my features because I just felt so mad that I hadn't been able to see it coming and give her the right herbs and tinctures, and I was mad at everyone...

Well, enough about me, I'll be watching this discussion.

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