An (almost) 10-month report and thank you

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larisa0001
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An (almost) 10-month report and thank you

Post by larisa0001 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:06 am

I thought I would write this, because it's been almost 10 months since I started practicing my various Everyday Systems and I wanted to publicly thank Reinhard for putting this information out there.

For as long as I can remember, I thought of myself as a loser, lacking in willpower, someone who starts things and then never finishes them. That's the way my parents described me, that's the way I described myself. I did not become a musician because I did not think I had the willpower to practice regularly. I lived in a messy apartment because I did not think I had the willpower to clean it. I hated myself for my lack of willpower.

I first read about Everyday Systems a few years ago, and experimented with a few concepts. When I moved into my new place 10 months ago or so, I decided to put them into action. Despite my very demanding job (working at a law firm), I decided that since music was important to me, I was going to practice the piano 2 hours a day, with one floating "S-day". I experimented with practicing in the evening or in the morning, and eventually settled on morning practicing - from 7am to 9am. In those 10 months, other than sanctioned exceptions, I only missed one day - the day I forgot to set my alarm clock and overslept.

I also set up another rule for my new place - "the cleanup is part of the activity". This means that after I eat, I wash and put away the dishes right away - that's part of the meal. When I read a book, putting it away is part of the experience. When I am done exercising, putting the exercise equipment away is part of it. That, together with a weekly cleaning ritual, has kept my place cleaner than any other living space I have ever occupied. This is the first time in my life that I don't have to panic when people are coming over. My office, where I adhere to a similar rule, is the cleanest office in the firm. People comment on how clean it is.

Somewhere in those 10 months, I realized that I did not, in fact, lack in willpower. What I lacked was an understanding of how my mind worked and how to make it do what I wanted to do. In my past attempts at reforming my life, I tried to do things the hard way - not by habit, but by gritting my teeth and consciously forcing myself to do them every time. Then, I'd beat myself up for failing, and feel like a failure.

I don't beat myself up anymore. The habits and systems I practice are largely automatic now - it's as unthinkable for me to leave dishes in the sink as it is to not brush my teeth. When I wake up in the morning, my half-asleep brain directs me to the piano. It takes no effort whatsoever.

I can't entirely credit Reinhard for my transformation; I came up with a few of these ideas on my own, independently. But it was the Everyday Systems site that crystallized these concepts in my mind. The problems I wanted to solve were different, but the method of solving them was the same.

The music everyday system has had a pleasant result - I am working on a new CD. The fact that I could record a CD while working at an 80-hour-a-week job is, I think, the best possible testimonial I could give to the power of Everyday Systems.

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la_loser
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Terrific news!

Post by la_loser » Sat Jul 24, 2010 2:28 pm

Larisa,

That is an impressive set of systems you've managed to create and sustain. I know that Reinhard often talks about how having a system or structure overlaps into many areas of our lives besides just diet and exercise. You've managed to make some significant changes.

Thank you for sharing. . . and giving me some good ideas about organizational issues that I need to implement. It's kind of like "what would the grown-up, mature adult do" with this challenge? And despite the fact that I'm 60, the procrastinator always wins! (clutter, dishes, mundane paperwork, etc.)

Good luck with the CD-how exciting for you! I'm always looking for some lovely music to listen to!
LA Loser. . . well on my way to becoming an LA Winner. :lol:

larisa0001
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Post by larisa0001 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:14 pm

Thanks! And seriously - the best way to beat clutter is just to think of putting a thing away as part of the activity. You're not "done" until you put it away. If you set up a really really strict rule, with no exceptions, ever, your subconscious will "get it" soon enough.

If you think about it, there are many activities where you already do this. When you're done driving your car, you don't leave the key in the ignition when you leave - you shut down the engine and put the key away. If you extend that concept to the other things you do that create clutter, you will not create any new clutter.

idontknow
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Post by idontknow » Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:49 pm

hi Larisa,

I am really impressed with your efforts and the changes you have made to your life. I am constantly telling myself that I can't find any more hours in my day, but this is just what you have managed to do - with such fantastic results. Well done! And good luck with the cd - I hope it all goes well.

Just one thing - my other half and I were just looking for my car keys. I'd left them in the ignition of my car earlier today.... :oops: Some of us probably have further to travel with building routines than others :D

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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Sun Jul 25, 2010 2:23 am

Well done Larissa! :D
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kccc
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Post by kccc » Sun Jul 25, 2010 5:13 pm

What a great testimonial! Thank you so much for sharing. Very inspiring! :)

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:22 pm

Larisa,

When I hear that people successfully apply an everyday system, no doubt, I'm thrilled. But when people report taking the underlying concepts and rolling their own systems, with striking long-term success, that's in another league altogether. And to think that I've been, in however convoluted a sense, a muse, how many people can say that?

Let me know when the CD is ready -- I'll be happy to link to it from this site. It's the first everyday systems inspired work of art that I've heard of and I'd be delighted to do my bit to promote it, if only out of mere muse-ly vanity.
I also set up another rule for my new place - "the cleanup is part of the activity".
Compound tasking -- very nice!
Somewhere in those 10 months, I realized that I did not, in fact, lack in willpower. What I lacked was an understanding of how my mind worked and how to make it do what I wanted to do. In my past attempts at reforming my life, I tried to do things the hard way - not by habit, but by gritting my teeth and consciously forcing myself to do them every time. Then, I'd beat myself up for failing, and feel like a failure.
This is the key thing. People tend to either think they have to be Hercules and perform every task by sheer willpower on the one hand or dream of some deus ex machina magic pill to do all the work for them. Willpower is important, but it's totally insufficient on it's own to power long term behavior. What it is sufficient for, when intelligently applied, is building habits. I think of those giant sand worms the fremen put their hooks into to control them in the sci-fi classic Dune. The giant worms are your largely nature. The relatively tiny fremen are your conscious mind and willpower. The hooks are your "everyday systems."

Reinhard

larisa0001
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Post by larisa0001 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:51 am

As soon as it's ready, I'll let you know - heck, if you let me know your mailing address, I'll send you a copy.

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Post by Scrybil » Thu Aug 05, 2010 3:02 am

Larisa - this is a MOST inspiring post! Love it, and love the way you've marshalled your innate talents and desires to achieve what you want from life.

ps - your parents were wrong :wink:
~Scrybil~

ericb
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Post by ericb » Tue Dec 07, 2010 11:57 am

Hello -

Looking back through the forums is fun stuff. I read your "cleanup is part of the activity" comment and two light bulbs went off for me. Thank you, thank you!!!

How it works at home
My kids are pretty good at cleaning up if reminded, but I wanted a way to encourage it without the reminder. So, starting on Saturdays (dad day) we have two new things going on. One is to get out all of the toys in the toy basket and pack for a trip. They get to pack clothes and what toys will fit. It's good practice (do you really need 9 pairs of underwear and no shirts?) and after the bags are packed we do this mad frenzy and put everything back. It's part of packing, and I was surprised to learn that yesterday the kids did it on their own.

The other thing is to "play with ones", whether it's from the backpack or something else. So, you play with one thing and then put it back before you get the next one out. They can negotiate for more - last week we played with threes and when they were done with one, we put them all back and got out three more. This one is paying out huge dividends. They've started reminding one another and setting up rules of their own. I call them nomads now - it seems like they move from room to room each time they do this. It's fun to watch and the hopscotch walk across the floor doesn't seem to happen as much.

At work
I struggle with how to manage interruptions gracefully. Not from the side of the person interrupting (it's part of what I do, manage interruptions) but how to not derail my current project and lose time getting back in the groove. I've tried jotting notes about where I stopped, asking people to wait while I finish my current task, etcetc - with no real success. The gap to get engaged was still there. So, after reading your post I starting thinking "what's cleanup here?" The cleanup, I decided, is just documenting what the next step is, however small. I also consider part of the "interruption cleanup" to add one task to my tasklist from the interruption. Even if it's something like "hey, the copier is down, should I call it in?" - I write down something like "add note next to call in number with suggestions on details for service call". Then I turn back, look at my next step and get going. Mentally I feel like I got back 3 hours of time (in truth it's more like 20 min, but it feels like a lot more), and every interruption I add a task that becomes an opportunity. I can't tell you how awesome this is. :)

Thank you again, this post is very encouraging!!

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~reneew
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Post by ~reneew » Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:24 pm

larisa0001 wrote: the best way to beat clutter is just to think of putting a thing away as part of the activity. You're not "done" until you put it away. If you set up a really really strict rule, with no exceptions, ever, your subconscious will "get it" soon enough.

If you think about it, there are many activities where you already do this. When you're done driving your car, you don't leave the key in the ignition when you leave - you shut down the engine and put the key away. If you extend that concept to the other things you do that create clutter, you will not create any new clutter.
Thanks for this. It is so true. I copy/pasted this and sent it to my husband :-)
I guess this doesn't work unless you actually do it.
Please pray for me

chiangmaiboss
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Post by chiangmaiboss » Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:12 am

My wife is named Marisa which rhymes with yours. You can see photos on website for shovelglove. We had Shan girl from Burma who worked both here and at my business but she had to quit as her husband also moved here from burma so now wife works both home and at salon. I try to help with house work but she says i make for problem than I help doing this so she tells me it helps if I pick up everything I use. So now after I use glass have to wash and pick up clothes when i take them off and such so I am also doing same sort of program which is very helpful.
Chiang Mai and Nakhon Sawan, Thailand

gettheweightoff
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Post by gettheweightoff » Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:42 am

I've been struggling with being messy for a long, long time and was thinking of implementing a habitcal for cleaning but didn't think i would stick with it so I didn't bother.

Now that the clutter in my head is clearing with No-S -- it's time to concentrate on my house. It's really out of control.

I'm taking your lead and I'm starting a habitcal for cleaning like you and will start it tomorrow!

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Fri Jan 14, 2011 3:02 pm

Now that the clutter in my head is clearing with No-S -- it's time to concentrate on my house. It's really out of control.
Let us know what you come up with. I still don't have anything satisfactory for this (except my more than satisfactory wife :-)).

One lead I'm following is focusing on not having quite so much stuff to de-clutter -- makes the problem much easier. Unfortunately stuff accretes to us like barnacles in our spoiled, rich society, and that's much easier said than done (especially with kids).

Reinhard

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NoelFigart
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Post by NoelFigart » Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:55 pm

Reinhard? Flylady's system works VERY WELL INDEED with the Everyday System's principles of turning things into a habit.

You might find the site a bit gushy (I do), but the principles are quite sound. I use it for my own home. My house is quite neat, and I am NOT NOT NOT a naturally neat person.
------
My blog https://noelfigart.com/wordpress/ I talk about being a freelance writer, working out and cooking mostly. The language is not always drawing room fashion. Just sayin'.

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Anoulie
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Re: An (almost) 10-month report and thank you

Post by Anoulie » Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:16 pm

larisa0001 wrote:I first read about Everyday Systems a few years ago, and experimented with a few concepts. When I moved into my new place 10 months ago or so, I decided to put them into action. Despite my very demanding job (working at a law firm), I decided that since music was important to me, I was going to practice the piano 2 hours a day, with one floating "S-day". I experimented with practicing in the evening or in the morning, and eventually settled on morning practicing - from 7am to 9am. In those 10 months, other than sanctioned exceptions, I only missed one day - the day I forgot to set my alarm clock and overslept.
That's a great idea! I'll do that once I start learning how to play the piano - but I think I'll just do an hour a day in the beginning, and optional practicing in the afternoon. Thank you!
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Georges Sen-Gupta
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Re: An (almost) 10-month report and thank you

Post by Georges Sen-Gupta » Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:51 am

"Somewhere in those 10 months, I realized that I did not, in fact, lack in willpower. What I lacked was an understanding of how my mind worked and how to make it do what I wanted to do. In my past attempts at reforming my life, I tried to do things the hard way - not by habit, but by gritting my teeth and consciously forcing myself to do them every time. Then, I'd beat myself up for failing, and feel like a failure.

I don't beat myself up anymore. The habits and systems I practice are largely automatic now - it's as unthinkable for me to leave dishes in the sink as it is to not brush my teeth. When I wake up in the morning, my half-asleep brain directs me to the piano. It takes no effort whatsoever."

Hi Larisa

I am a skeptical sort of guy, and describing anything as ‘inspirational’ does not come easily - it sounds like gushy bullsh*t to me. However, I can’t find any other word for your achievements.

It reminded me of a nice thing I heard about self discipline. The feeling of ‘gritting ones teeth’ and working against internal resistence is not the important bit. Self-discipline is doing what is required, or what you said you would do, not the feelings you have about it - a bit like ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.

Best wishes

Georges

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Post by oolala53 » Sat Aug 18, 2012 4:04 pm

Wonderful post! but I am wondering what law firm job allows you to still be at home practicing the piano at 9 a.m... You must work pretty late!

Still working on paper clutter myself. It would take me awhile just to get it all put away, not to mention new stuff. Decision-making is my issue. Not giving up yet.
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Post by andrewemond » Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:05 pm

Well done, Larisa. It's funny, cause I too have come to some similar conclusions about cleaning. Living in New York City means you're often not afforded the luxury of a dishwasher - in fact, of the 5 apartments I've lived in in my 20s, only one had a dishwasher. I remember the years where my ex-girlfriend and I would go through every dish we owned, before doing one giant, uphill battle against a mountain of crusty, disgusting dishes. I think we modeled a similar system for our laundry - those were the days I had so many clothes I could go 3 months it seemed, before scraping the bottom of my dresser. Doing 3 months worth of laundry was torture.

Since then, I've made some progress. Attacking such chores is really a two pronged effort. Minimize and compound. Now I only own enough clothes to get me through about a week and a half. Even if I wanted to put off laundry, I couldn't get past the week and a half period before I'd be wearing my own version of the emperor's new clothes into work. I'm sure I'd lose my job quickly.

The same with dishes. Don't have very many, only enough for yourself (possibly family if you have some, or not if you don't care about them and/or they just annoy you - every man, woman, and child for themself) and clean them immediately upon completing your meal. Larisa is right. It's a great habit to acquire and one that eventually becomes painless.

Somebody also mentioned FlyLady. I'd check her out also.

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Post by oolala53 » Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:44 am

I have never lived in a house with a dishwasher.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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