Mitchelll's Daily checkin

[mitchelll]

I was using NOS and Habitcal this spring with good results. I had lost around 10 to 15 pounds and developed a regular exercise program--I was feeling good and seeing results. Then my father fell ill and subesquently passed away----I fell prey to stress eating, stopped exercising, etc. I haven't weighed in several months, but I know, based on clothing, mirror, the way I feel, that I've not only regained the lost weight, but put on at least 5 or so more pounds. Fighting my urge to embark on another extreme diet or just giving up, I'm going to give NoS another shot. my immediate goal is to follow vanilla NoS with a daily exercise goal of a 10-20 walk and 15 minutes of stretching and calisthenics. Today, Sept. 29, was my first day back. I achieved a green NoS day and did take a brief walk. I even was an Urban Ranger, walking a few blocks to run and errand instead of working it into a car ride.

[Tessytwinkle]

Hello and welcome to this board. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have found the illness of a loved one followed by bereavement to be quite devastating to my overall health and well being so I completely sympathise with your personal struggle. But I think that everything that you were - urban ranger, exerciser and successful noSer - you can be again and more so here's to your journey I shall be rooting for you
Tessy

[eschano]

I am sorry for your loss Mitchell!

It is encouraging that you had great results before with NoS so I don't see a reason why it wouldn't work again. Good start!

[aspencer27]

Welcome back. Sorry for your loss, that is definitely a difficult time to get through.

Don't try a fad diet and don't give up! NoS may be slower, but I feel like the program is so much gentler and kinder to myself that it's worth it. Good luck with getting back into it - we're here for you.

[mitchelll]

thanks for the kind words.

today was day two of NoS. I was busy most of the day working on the backyard in anticipation of a big party this coming weekend for my partner and his twin brother's 40th birthday. With so much to do, I really found it easy to stick to the plan, until the very end. My partner, to say "thank you" brought me a large box of my favorite candy, Ferrero Rocher. It took everything I had in me, but I managed to put them, unopened into the refrigerator until this weekend. I also managed to take our dog, Cleopatra, on a short walk as planned, and I consider the hours I spent gardening as excercise. I will certainly be sore in the morning!!!

My goal is to restart with a successful 21 days.

[aspencer27]

What a great success! The hard-earned ones seem to feel the best after. Now make sure you really enjoy that piece (or more) of candy this weekend! Good luck on your 21 days.

[mitchelll]

Thanks, aspencer.

Yesterday was day 3. Another green NoS. In fact, I was so busy continuing birthday party prep, I worked through lunch. Now I don't make a habit of skipping meals, but for somebody who spent most of my life making sure to eat my three square a day, with plenty of extras, and who, at one point, really thought I'd faint if I missed a meal, it's actually kind of exciting that I am now the kind of person who can work through lunch without too much distress.

I took my short walk with the dog and got plenty of exercise trimming back jasmine, weeding the front garden, and helping to power wash the porch.

Breakfast: ham and cheddar sandwich on whole grain bread
a large glass of milk

Dinner: large salad with blue cheese, blue cheese dressing, and and a cubed pan fried chicken breast.

The only down side to the day, diet wise, is that the neighbor who helped with the yardwork and I had quite a bit of beer, so goodbye glass ceiling!!!

[mitchelll]

day 4.

Today was one of those days that try your patience. I woke up exhausted, and started my day my inadvertently throwing away my wallet which, unusually, had quite a bit of cash in it. uggh. anyway, I managed to stay on the diet, which is something.

breakfast: handful of mixed nuts; half of a ham/cheddar sandwich---I planned to eat the whole thing, but after eating the nuts, I got full before I finished.

lunch: porkchop, boiled new potatoes (cooked in crab boil)

dinner: two slices of supreme pizza

[Klutzy68]

You threw away your wallet?! Wow, that probably would have driven me to the food, so extra congrats on getting through that mess! Since it's not part of the 14-word No-S rules, I don't think glass ceiling counts unless it is one of your personal goals.

[mitchelll]

klutzy, the wallet was in a pair of work pants that I had ripped. I threw out the pants, like an idiot, without remembering the check the pockets!!! I'm really bad about washing things in my pockets, but I think I finally learned my lesson about checking them. By the time I realized what happened, the trash collectors had made their rounds. It really did take everything I had not to dive head first into the candy in the fridge. Luckily, I had too much to do to spend too much time cursing my stupidity.

[Bean&Sprout]

You'll certainly deserve your chocolates tomorrow. I hope you have a wonderful celebration.

[mitchelll]

Day 5. Another green NoS day. Again, I was so busy cleaning the house and cooking for the party tomorrw, staying on track wasn't too bad. the only really hard part was that I ate too light a breakfast, and I really had to distract my self with projects to make it to lunch. What I find interesting is that I knew when I prepared the breakfast it wasn't filling---cheese toast is a breakfast I love, but it never holds me for more than a couple of hours. I was successful in taking Cleo for a nice morning walk and got in plenty of exercise via housework.

In fact, the best thing I got out of My Fitness Pal was the recognition that housework burns calories. I'm torn---I hate cleaning, but once I left my 20s, I hate a dirty house. focusing on the calories burned really does help motivate me to clean.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's S day. Not only is it Saturday, it's my partner's 40th birthday. We're having homemade beer, pulled pork, pork tenderloin, jambalaya, deviled eggs, homeade desserts---the works. and I can eat as many of my Ferrier Roches as I want.

I don't want to borrow trouble, but I am concerned about Monday--a big group: me, my partner, his twin and twin's best friend, my sister, the twins' parents, and close neighbors are going to have brunch at a fancy restuarant. I'm concerned about making three S days in a row, but I'm not sure I have the will power to make it just an S event. We'll see.

Breakfast: Two slices of cheese toast
Lunch: One slice of leftover supreme pizza
Dinner: After two light meals, it was large---two Sloppy Joe sandwiches and a handful of mixed nuts. but it did all fit on one plate.

[eschano]

Sorry about your wallet- I can see how this can happen!

Your partner's bday sounds extremely yummy! And I wouldn't worry too much about Monday - on the grand scale of things one extra S day a few times a year won't sabotage you.

[mitchelll]

Days 6 and 7

These were both Sdays. I'm happy with how the weekend eating went. Saturday, I was still so busy with the last minute prep that I didn't go on an all day eating binge like I had thought might happen. I even managed to only have a handful of the candy in the fridge.

I was somewhat hungover and tired on Sunday, sleeping in until almost 11. I havent' slept that late in years. I grazed pretty much all day, but small amounts. by the time dinner came, I couldn't finish my two slices of pizza.

[mitchelll]

Day 8,

I've decided to try to take my partner's Bday lunch as a single S event. Even though the weekend wasn't the major pig out that weekends have been for me on my past NoS dieting, I am ready to return to more regular, structured eating. Plus, I'm concerned that 3 days in a row of unchecked eating so early in my return to NoS could throw me off course.

ONe of the things I find so intriguing about myself and my relationships with food, excercise and my body is that every single time I manage to sustain reasonable and healthy eating and moderate, regular exercise, I look and feel better almost immediately. I even like vegetables, salad, fresh juices, etc. I also really like walking and the NYC ballet workout. So why is it so hard to do these things that I like and benefit me? I know eating a salad for lunch and working out makes me feel great and great about myself, so why is it so muchg easier to go to Burger King and sit around watching cat videos on YouTube.

[gwenkkelly]

Good luck today!

[eschano]

Lol Mitchelll. For me it's when I feel I HAVE to do these things because of something else, like looking thin. When I focus on enjoyment I can go for a long time.

[mitchelll]

Monday went well, at least NoS diet wise. I did end up making lunch a special event instead of taking the whole day. Even at that, I wasn't super hungry, so except for the several slices of garlic bread I ate before the meal, the meal itself was relatively light. One tasso stuffed shrimp as an appetizer, a chopped salad, and a small entree--3 fried oysters and two small bits of pork belly on top of chicken liver---it was delish, but I didn't finish it. I did have a small slice of cake. That part was good, but the bad part included two glasses of wine and a couple of martinis. dinner was leftover beans and potato salad from the party.

Anyway, the day ended with some bad news---the not unexpected, but still sad news of a friend's death and some bad news about a work project---the client's check bounced!!!! While this news didn't send me reelling to the fridge, it has certainly put a damper on my mood.

and it seems even pettier in comparsion to the actual bad news I received, but feeling fat, looking fat in pictures taken this weekend, and not being able to fit into any of my favorite clothes just make be feel like such a loser. oh well, this mood, too, will pass. it does help to have a place to let all this stuff out. thanks so much to the kind words and support.

[eschano]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend and also your other news.

It is very hard to feel like this about your photos. If at all possible, please focus on doing kind things for yourself as the biggest enemy of losing weight is self-hatred (with all it's milder forms). I sabotaged my own efforts so often because I would focus on how I LOOKED like and hang my self-value on that rather than how I FELT like and I don't mean "I feel fat" I mean, how the NoS habit made my body feel, which was good. Just focus on your habits as you can win there right now. If you focus on losing weight it might take a while before it comes off and it comes off in thursts which is not always directly related to the eating of the day of or days before. If you focus on habit and on being kind to yourself it's much better.

Another thing on that matter and then I promise to stop hijacking your thread: I used to be disgusted by my photos but without fail when I looked at them a few years later I thought I was much more beautiful than I gave myself credit for.

[mitchelll]

thank you eschano, that helps

[mitchelll]

Day 9, Tuesday, Oct. 7th.

didn't manage walk or exercise, but success on the No.S. diet.

Br. Skipped. I had an early eye exam and wasn't hungry before, and by the time it was over, it was so close to lunch, I decided to just skip it.

Lunch: leftovers. 4 halves deviled eggs, baked beans, Sloppy Joe. After skipping breakfast, I was really hungry, so piled on plate. ended up leaving quite a bit---about 1/3 of the Sloppy Joe, and several bites of beans.

Dinner: leftovers. I sliced some steak and warmed in butter, bourbon, and Worsterschier sauce and served over dirty rice with steamed broccoli on the side.

[osoniye]

I sliced some steak and warmed in butter, bourbon, and Worsterschier sauce and served over dirty rice with steamed broccoli on the side.

Ooooo, I wanna come eat dinner at your house!!

[mitchelll]

Walked this morning, but no exercise. Watched Arrow tonight, but watching Stephen Smell makes me want to workout tomorrow.

No S success.

Breakfast: fried egg on English muffin with cheese. Sliced avacado
Lunch: Sloppy Joe (mercifully finished), one deviled egg, 1/2 avavado and orange slice salad
Dinner: marinara with sausage over spaghetti. Garlic bread.
At dinner, tasted one slice garlic bread--almost devoured it without thought. Forced myself to put it on plate after one bite. But small success---decided to focus on garlic bread for dinner, since I wanted it more, and took smallish serving of pasta

[eschano]

Mitchelll, what's dirty rice?

Well done on another green day!

[mitchelll]

Eschano,

I live in New Orleans and so have the blessing, and curse, of being surrounded by fantastic food. Dirty rice is a rice dish made with chopped bell pepper, onion, celery, cajun spices, etc. The "dirty" comes from that fact that the rice is cooked with bits of chicken, typically the liver and giblets, or chicken stock, which makes the white rice look brown or "dirty." there is also usually other kinds of meat in it, from ground beef to sausage. it's a common side dish here. It's one of those things like gumbo, that varies a lot from cook to cook, family to family.

[mitchelll]

yesterday, Thursday, was an N day fail.

It started out strong. I got my walk in, had a decent breakfast. had a good healthy and enjoyable lunch, a grilled chicken salad with a client. the failure came around dinner time.

First, it was a kind of stressful day after a stressful week. Second, while I really enjoyed my lunch, it wasn't really hearty. Next, I bought a coupld of trigger foods, some really good pre made cheese straws and some jalepeno cheddar bread, intending to have them with dinner. However, a couple of factors delayed dinner, and while waiting, I snapped and had some cheese straws---which wouldn't have been a big deal, but those lead to bread before dinner which led to several pieces of candy after dinner---the whole "i blew it, might as well eat it all" mindset. While it wasn't the worst binge ever---more like simple overeating, it was a bummer. oh well, as Scarlett O'Hara tells us, "tomorrow is another day."

[mitchelll]

Yesterday, Friday, Oct. 10, was a fail. Only a very minor one, but I'm sticking to black/white fail days so as not to fall into my habit of rationalizing over eating.

Breakfast: leftover Mexican lasagna
lunch: more leftover Mexican Lasgna
Dinner: Salami sandwich with a handful of homemade snack crackers

fail: small bag of pistachios before dinner. My sister brought left two small snack packs of nuts. I should have put them away in the cabinets where they would may been much less tempting--out of sight out of mind often works for me--but I did not. Since it was a small snack that could have fit on my dinner plate and I ended up eating only about half of my sandwich, I really wanted to pretend it was just dinner, part 1. however, I refuse to lie to myself.

other than that, I'm glad that this small fail did not trigger a "i failed, I might as well EAT IT ALL!!!!!" reaction like last night.

[mitchelll]

I'm really looking forward to recommitting to the 21 day challange on Monday. The next couple of weeks promise to be less stressful that the past month; this is important---stress eating is my biggest single trigger. And since life is stress, there is always something to trigger that eating response.

My concern is this: I don't want an unbridled eating party on S days, especially this weekend. Part of this is impatience with getting on habit and, if i'm honest, wanting the weight loss to start. Part of it is that I know how physically gross I'll feel on Monday after a binge weekend, a gross feeling that will making commiting to NoS difficult. And part of it is that I have been thin, and thin long enough to remember that normal people with normal eating habits and normal weights don't approach weekends and eating like that. I want to begin as I mean to go on, which is that I want to invoke the "sometimes" clause as it pertains to Ses on S days. I'm not ready to try to put mods in place, I just want to focus on whether or not I really want an S and not mindless eating.

Of course, I'm also concerned about too much restriction making me begin my week in a diet deprivation mindset. I guess once you've disordered your eating and your relationship with food, it will never be that simple again.

[r.jean]

"Building a fence around the rules" is a good idea, especially early on. It was when I started trying to justify slight trangressions that I started gaining back some weight. And then the "cheats" got larger....

Luckily I got back on track.

[mitchelll]

Over all, I'm happy with the Sday eating this weekend.

Saturday, right after breakfast, I kind of wanted a piece of candy. Instead of just mindlessly eating it, I took and minute and thought if I REALLY wanted it. The answer was not reallyl; so I skipped it. Lunch on Saturday was a birthday brunch for my cousin's 80th. It involved things I absolutely love: eggs benedict, bacon, a cheese ball, prime rib. Went I got there, I was so glad I had put off something I didn't really want so I was hungrier for the things I love. Except for a few special things, I'm not a big dessert eater, so I skipped the birthday cake and the bananas foster since they are not favorites. I did have a second plate of bacon and cheese ball---allowed in any case, but these were those small party plates. after the party, I had a few more bites of the cheese ball as a snack, and we stopped at at a great burger restuarant on the way home.

Sat. breakfast: leftover Mexican lasagna
Brunch: eggs benedict, bacon, cheese ball, prime rib
Snack: fruit cubes. more cheeseball
dinner: burger and 1/2 order onion rings

Sunday was fine. meals were a bit heavy, but only real issue was that everytime I went near the fridge, I grabbed a piece of candy.

Breakfast: three savory pastries--we have a local vietnamese/french bakery that makes these incredible puff pastries stuffed with onion and pork--it's like the best part of a post sticker inside a croissant

lunch: more mexican lasagne--i don't want to waste food, so I'll finish it, but I never want to see mexican lasagna again

dinner: take out from a restaurant--fried seafood.

snack--throughout the day: 8-10 pieces of Ferrero rocher. my partner bought a giant box from costco as treat for me a couple of weeks back.

over all, I'm pleased with the weekend, it did feel like a treat, but not out of control

[aspencer27]

Great job! S Days have been tough for me, but this weekend was a good one for me, too. Thinking through whether or not I really want something definitely helps.

[mitchelll]

Monday was technically a failed NoS day, but though the failure combined two esses---a sweet that was a snack, it was minor--a small bowl of ice cream. luckily, it did not spur a "wth, i've failed, i might as well eat all the things" day. I ate it, regretted it slightly, then moved on. What I find interesting is that I was neither particularly hungry or craving sweets when I found myself in the kitchen reaching for the ice cream. I work at home, and I think I was stressed with a couple of projects and and the constant hunting down of a paycheck (the curse of the free lancer).

Tuesday was a NoS success.

But what I'm finding is that I'm doing something I've spent much of my life doing----I'm focusing on my weight as a distraction from my more important and more difficult to solve problems. I'm about 30-40 pounds overweight. At this point, my weight is not having a major negative impact on my health. It's not really affecting my work or recreation. And visually, I'm still in the stocky range---honestly, I look like the majority of 40ish men I know. If I'm honest with myself, while there would be some definite benefits, regaining my "ideal" weight of 197 pounds isn't going to have a major impact on my life. I know that the weight isn't really my problem---it's just a symptom of my general dissatisfaction. I'm not ready to throw in the towel and forget about weight loss, but I do need to keep in mind that I'm using my weight as a distraction.

[mitchelll]

It's Wednesday evening, aroung 8:00 pm. Green NoS day so far, and I anticipate making it to bedtime without a failure, as I am not currently hungry or experiencing a craving.

Because I've been strapped for cash waiting for a client deposit, there weren't a lot of food options in the house for breakfast and lunch, so both ended up being low carb meals more out of circumstance than anything else. However, after the low carb breakfast, I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to convert NoS to a low carb plan, even though I have never been able to sustain a truly low carb eating plan more than a couple of days without snapping. "but you'll lose weight so much faster," was playing in a loop in my head, even though I know that, for me, trying to follow low carb is following a path to diet madness.

The other thing is that I have a trip to NYC coming up in a couple of weeks---I'm stressed about pulling in enough cash to have plenty of spending money, but instead of focusing on doing enough billable work to comfortably finance this trip, I keep fretting about how fat I feel and how thin everyone in NYC is, even though I weigh less than the friends I am going to visit. I am starting to realize how many things I am able to distract myself from by pretending that being chunky is my "real" problem.

breakfast: two small hamburger patties with homemade pimento/cheese and two eggs--mustard greens

lunch: 1/2 slice meatloaf. pimento/cheese on sliced bell pepper

dinner. small portion eggplant parmesan. red wine.

[mitchelll]

Thursday was another green day. it was one of those days where it was actually easy to stick to NoS.

I'm puposeflly not weighing myself for a while. I know that before my weight gain after my father's illness, I was about 228. And I know, based on my clothes, how I felt and looked, I probably gained about 12 pounds or so. But I have learned over the years that the scale is very helpful to me for maintenance, but an awful tool for weight loss. On the one hand, decreasing numbers motivate me, but they usually lead to my obsessive weighing. Then, as is natural, when the number starts flucuating upward, I freak out and begin eating like their is no tomorrow. I was thinking about my previous successful weight loss attempts (at 4 times as an adult, I've lost at least 20 pounds and kept them off for a while), I didn't have access to a scale while I was losing. for me, that kept my focus on my habits and actions and not on a number. I do know I've lost most of the weight from my recent gains--I can now button my jeans comfortably, and the notch on my belt has moved back down.

Another thing, I have to be careful though, of not getting too obsessive about
my diet/weight loss plan. I can see the signs--I'm rereading weight loss books and thinking way too much about what I'm eating. Because of this interest in weight loss reading, I've been reading a lot of posts here on Nos, and have found them really helpful.

[mitchelll]

I actually found one thread especially helpful, though in an odd way. It was a long thread (I haven't quite finished the whole thing) and the poster has been unsuccessful in losing weight so far. But I found it helpful because it helped me clearly see my own mistakes, missteps, and misconceptions over the years.

One misconception she seems to hold dear is the idea that thin people have somehow won the genetic lottery or found a golden ticket that allows them to be effortlessly thin, with no thoughts of food until it's somehow "appropriate," and that then they can eat as much as they want of whatever they want somewhat mindlessly without gaining weight. And someday, the poster seems to think that she'll stumble upon the diet, the secret, the plan that allows her do the same.

I know I spent years thinking the same thing. Convinced that someday, with enough work, luck, and effort, I'd achieve the secret thin knowledge. When various diets didn't unlock that secret, I'd gladly return to massive amounts of food comforted by the knowledge that it really wasn't my fault I overate, I just wasn't luck enough to have the golden ticket.

What I've learned is that there is no golden ticket, magic bullet, perfect fitness plan and thin people aren't thin strictly through luck. While I know the myth of the thin person who never exercises and eats mountains of junk food without gaining an ounce is prevalent, I've personally never met one over 21 years old. What I usually discover is this: they're much more active than you first realzie---true, they may not have an exercise regime, but they have a physical job, spent hours gardening, playing sports, doing housework, etc--never still. or that they do eat large meals, but only one a day. or that they order large meals, but if you look at what they actually ate, it's half the burger, a handful of the fries, and two bites of the apple pie.

Most of the time though, every adult thin person I personally know, has some sort of eating plan and activity plan in place. It may not be a formalized diet, but they consciously limit carbs, or only eat salads or lunch, or always share entrees when eating out etc.

Anyway, I was really torn when I found out that thin people, even the ones lucky enough to have developed good habits at such an early age that they never had a weight problem, do work at it. That their thinness and fitness is the result of an eating plan and an exercise routine. On the one hand, I was encouraged because it makes it obvious to me that if I can eat moderately and exercise regularly, I, too, can maintain a fit, thin(ish) body. However, I'd be lieing if I didn't say I was dissappointed that there was no magic. That I wasn't going to wake up one day effortlessy fit (and I think I really did believe that would happen) and maintain that loss without any effort forever because I had been deemed worthy and let in on the secret of the thin. While I do kind of feel that things always work out for the best in the end, I'm still sometimes sad when I think of all the years I wasted waiting for a fairy godmother to make me thin when I realize the power to change my habits was within me all along.

[mitchelll]

Friday was a success, though a bit hard fought at the end. Breakfast and lunch went easily; In fact, I was able to push back lunch an hour and half to finish some work with no ill effects. For dinner, we went to a local Mexican restaurant. Luckily, the chips and dips, which I find hard to resist, are an extra and not automatically sent to the table. since DH doesn't particularly care for them, and I wanted to keep the cost for dinner down, I skipped them this time without a lot a trouble. The problem came after dinner and after a margarita. When we got home, even though I was fully satisfied--even a little full, I started craving a snack---nothing specific, just a snack.

I don't normally keep snack food around, so I was able to fight off the urge. What helped was, instead of telling myself I couldn't or shouldn't snack, I keep telling my self, "you can have a snack if you want it. you can have as many as you want---but to have them, you have to give up on your goal for today. is that worth it to you, or can you just wait a few hours until Saturday?" It worked, I went to bed early, and I feel great.

Originally, I had thought about tweaking NoS so that my weekend began at 5 pm on Friday and ran to 5pm on Sunday. This actually betters defines my weekend. But a couple of things stopped me- Most importantly reading all the posters who kept commenting about what a bad idea making mods before you have the vanilla NoS down turned out to be. For once, I decided to listen to the advice of others. The second reason was that, even though it sounds silly, the catchiness of the NoS rules matters to me....and though I kept telling my self a 48 hour weekend is the same at any name, Friday from 5 to Sun at 5 just didn't sound as good as two S days.

Finally, though, what lead to my decision to keep to Vanilla NoS was that I realized a couple of things. Number one, the whole point to NoS is to teach oneself how to eat moderately, specifically from the most dangerous categories of calories--snacks, sweets, treats. the whole goal of the program is to learn to eat as little of these things as possible without going too far in restricting your self. And I remember from my "effortlessly" thin days not so long ago,, my mind set was on how little of something could I eat and still feel satisfied instead of my fat person/dieter mindset of how much can I eat and "get away" with. There will always be reasons to step off NoS. I was wanting to start the plan by trying to make sure I could fit in the most treats possible during a weekend by beginning on Friday. The sunday night end date doesn't matter---I rarely eat much on Sunday evening, but i did regularly throw down on Friday nights. I have come to see the need for moderation on Friday nights as excellent training in the ability to pass up treats. And if I cave, I can just pick up right where I left off

[mitchelll]

Saturday morning.

Stoked after the success of the past week---4 green days, with Monday's fail being very minor, and Friday's successful non snacking. Today is a beautiful day, and plan to start the weekend off with a nice long walk with Cleopatra, the sweetest dog in the world. I plan to keep this weekend moderate. I will impose no official mods or restrictions, but do plan on trying to avoid snacks and sweets during the day when, honestly, I don't usually really want them. until 3-5 pm, diet compliance is usually easy for me, and the same for most nights. my real danger time is that late afternoon slump. So, anyway, until I see it stresses me and leads to rebound eating, I would like to unofficially follow NoS until 3 this weekend.

[mitchelll]

I am very happy with how both Sat. and Sunday went. Both went more like NoS days with a little extra as opposed to being pig out fests. Sunday night there was a bit of funny business. I was eating alone, so able to eat exactly what I want. I settled on fried chicken tenders from the local market, 5 instead of my usual three, a small bag of chips, plus a small serving of broccoli salad and some small servings of pate.

I ate all the chicken, thoroughly enjoying it. I ate most of the chips, but before the bag was empty, I was satisfied, so I tossed the rest. At this point I was full. And yet, I wanted to continue to eat, just because I could. I did eat the broccoli salad, but before I started on the pate, I stopped. I asked myself, "am I full?" "yes" "Will I feel good if I stuff myself further?" "No" "Can I eat this tomorrow in full NoS compliance?" "yes" I eventually talked myself out of needlessly adding the pate to my meal. I don't want to heavily restrict S days, but I do want them to be about eating to really enjoy, not eating just because it's allowed. I guess I should be glad that I can now recognize what eating too much food really feels like. At a certain point when I binged almost daily, I honestly didn't understand how people could reach a certain point, say "i've had enough. I'm full." and stop. to me, eating used to end when the food ran out. It had almost nothing to do with whether or not I was full.

I can definitely tell by my clothes and just the way I feel that I've lost some weight. I still have not weighed--the battery in my scale is dead, and I have not replaced it. I think I will put off weighing for some time---I'm considering putting it off until New Years Eve. It's that I know how I am---if the number is too high, I will be discouraged and it will trigger overeating. if the number is satisfying low, I will start restricting much more heavily to lose faster, and eventually I will snap and overeat massively. I have also remembered that each of the 4 times I lost 20-40 pounds, I didn't have daily access to scales; sometimes I had to go 6 weeks or more between weigh ins. I do think not seeing those daily flucuations and having enough time between weighins for real movement of the needle helped.

[mitchelll]

Monday evening.

It's around 5 p.m. NoS so far. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make it a green NoS day, but I'm not positive. I'm starting to get hungry, but DH is in charge of dinner and has just gone to market. But instead of a snack, I thought about a glass of milk, but ultimately decided on a martini. I love them, but rarely make them at home. My relationship with alcohol and eating is spotty. Sometimes a glass of wine or a cocktail serves as a treat that allows me to pass up a snack or appetizer. Sometimes, however, they lead to a feeling of "you only live once!!!" and "eat it all. now."

I've been very regular with my daily walks, and they are gradually building up from 10 or 15 minutes to 20 to 30. I am at this point attempting to just build the practice of a morning walk and not focusing on time. my past doomed efforts usually involve me deciding on a long, usually arbitrary set time, and if I find I can't fit it in my schedule---I begin the all or nothing mind set of "if I can't walk the scheduled 45 minutes, why bother?" which typically leads to "since I couldn't even walk, my day of weight loss is ruined---I might as well eat everything I want!"

Writing that out, it strikes me as how silly that idea is, yet in the moment, it seems so logical. It amazes me, even after close to 30 years of dieting, how sneaky my mind can be. It's like some part of my brain just wants to eat the world, consequences be damned, but knows that my conscience mind would never agree to that. So then it twists reality so that eating without restriction somehow seems like a sane and logical thing to do, and my conscious mind is all like---"of course... missing a morning walk certainly means that you should eat 2000 extra calories."

[eschano]

Love your insights. I have missed a week so a lot to catch up on.

For me, stalling my life with "I'm too big" was a massive issue. Way bigger than the weight I had to lose. So good luck with living now.

[mitchelll]

eschano, thanks for that. I have found reading through the boards has been so helpful and given me so many insights. I am glad I found this community. Like so many others have posted, I'm not even sure how I stumbled here as I had never heard of NoS, but I am glad I did.

I, too, used to use the "I'm too fat to do x," or it's companion, "I'll do x when I'm thin." I used this excuse for so long, I still sometimes find it hard to give up, It was an eye opening experience when I realized that overeating and being fat were actually crutches I liked. In fact, sometimes, though not often, I resent the fact that my increased self knowledge means I can't mindlessly pig out any more to salve my emotional hurts, pretending the binge is out of my control and I can't pretend my weight is a valid excuse to not try new things.

Anyway, Monday passed just fine. The martini did serve as a nice treat and not a catalyst for overeating. My partner ended up making a fantastic dinner--pork chops with brussell sprouts and spinach. It was nice to be able to add a nice dollop of butter to the vegetables and to eat it all without guilt since it all fit nicely on one plate. This makes 7 days in perfect compliance with NoS.

This makes me want to really be gung ho about the 21 day challenge, but I'm going to resist that urge at this point. Knowing my perfectionist tendencies, I'm afraid a fail during the challenge could derail me in a way a fail if I'm just marking days will not.

I've decided my official first weigh-in will be February 18---Ash Wednesday. I live in New Orleans, so Mardi Gras is a big deal here. It somehow seems appropriate to check my weight before the city embraces the austerity of Lent. I decided to push it back from January 1 because I started making arbitrary weight goals---I want to be x lbs on January 1 when I weigh in---or I want to be x pounds down on January 1, etc. I know that even with my increasinly normalized eating, my slowly decreasing size based on my clothes, and my feeling so much better physically, I am going to be majorly bummed if I get on the scale and the numbers show only a moderate drop. I know that I will need to learn to use the scale as a useful tool, as I have been able to in the past, but in the words of Aragorn, "Today is not that day!"

[mitchelll]

Tuesday was a green day.

breakfast: pate with everything flat bread, boiled egg, an apple, black coffee
lunch: smothered pork chops with green peas and rice
dinner: meatball sandwich, 3 olives stuffed with garlic, 3 olives stuffed with jalepeno. red wine

Today went well. in fact, today was my first day this month where all my habitcal boxes were green! I went for a nice long walk this morning and did some additional stretching.

Anyway, things on the plan are going well, but I do see that I need to step back a bit---not from following NoS, but from some of my "diet" focus. Two opposing ideas hit me today.

First, I'm going to a wedding and visit friend in NYC in a couple of weeks. Today, I had that idea of----"I know---I'll restrict until I go (Nov.)---it's not that long, and that way, I'll be as thin as possible when I go to NYC." Of course, not only is that diet head thinking, the fact is I have never, not in the almost 30 years of dieting that I have done, once lost wait for an event. In fact, every event based crash diet I have ever tried has always failed spectacularly---after a day or two, I usually start an eating frenzy that lasts until well after the event!!! So knowing this about myself and seeing results from slowing changing my habits, why would I even consider trying to restrict calories for the next couple of weeks?

Related to that, while discussing weight loss and fitness with my best friend Michelle, she made a valuable point. Both of us have always made done our best weight and fitness wise when we were actually focused on other aspects of our lives. In fact, I usually achieved weight loss, if not accidentally, partially because I was so focused on something else, that I didn't have the time and energy to spend on my weight, so I might as well just eat right and exercise.

So, therefore, I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks focused on work. I still plan to NoS, use the habitcal, and journal here, but I'm going to try to make work (and making my Halloween costume) my focus, instead of weight loss. I can't wait to see where I end up!

[mitchelll]

it's a little too early to check in for Wednesday, but I had one of those epiphany moments early that I want to record while it's still fresh. Now it wasn't out of nowhere because I already knew all the aspects of it, but I never really put them together. And the catalyst was reading a thread where a poster (I can't remember who) mentioned The Gabriel Method. I haven't read it, but was intrigued enough to Google it. Apparently the author directly links stress to obesity, and feels the key to weightloss is through stress reduction. It got me thinking.

I"ve been trying to determine why I was overweight. I mean I know it's because I eat too much and move too little---what I mean I was trying to figure out where the overeating is coming from. After a couple of weeks on NoS, I realize that I eat a wide variety of foods, I don't radically overeat at most mealtimes, I rarely eat sweets, and I don't have a ingrained snacking habit (by this I mean that though I regularly ate snacks, the timing and snack item were usually both random. I didn't snack on certain items at the same time everyday). What I was doing was snacking as a direct response to any of life's stressors---work problems, family tensions, depression, loneliness, etc. Feel upset about a project---open a bag of chips!

But more than that, I was trying to determine why I always failed maintenance before. And it was the same thing, only on a correspondingly greater scale A major stress event---the death of a parent, a natural disaster, graduating from college with no job, etc. would lead to a massive months' long orgy of overeating, as I coped with the event with food as my crutch. So in other words, little problem=unplanned snack. Large problem = abandoning normal eating habits for completely unrestricted eating.

The above, though, I already knew---the epiphany was this: I'm doing NoS to build eating habits. Why can't I build non-eating stress relief habits? Why can't I learn to go for a walk when upset, or have a moment of praver when something goes wrong, etc. The answer is I can. I just have to make it a habit. I have already found Habitcal very helpful in making some non-eating habits easier to adhere to. I just now need to determine if there is a way to methodically track stress reflief techniques. I can now leave ice cream uneaten in the freezer for weeks and weeks, something I once thought was never going to be possible for me. Maybe I could become the type of person who exercises when upset.

[eschano]

I keep saying it but I truly enjoy reading your posts. It's so clear that you are making big mental jumps that will no doubt translate into different habits. Also, it is such a great reminder of the benefits of NoS

[mitchelll]

Thank you so much, eschano. I'm trying to use this place to journal all this thoughts and concepts that have been rattling around my brain for years. I'm about to turn 43. I've never been great about planning for the future, but it's hit be that what I am at 43 is because of decisions I made at 33, 23, etc. So If I want the next 43 years to be a certain way, I have to make those decisions now. And one decision that's important to me is to lose weight. I just don't want to be old and fat. And I never want to lose and regain the same 40 pounds again. One thing I know for certain after years of weight loss and regaining, that old saying is true..."it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you." I want to get my head in this game and really understand what's going on, not just mindlessly follow a food plan.

All that said, yesterday, Wednesday ended up another green day, but in the end it was a hard fought victory. I had filling dinner, but after a couple of glasses of red wine with dinner, I desperately wanted to snack. the only thing that saved me was the fact that I do not keep my favorite snack foods in the house, and the snacking options that were available I didn't like quite enough to abandon NoS for. I am so lucky that my partner and I have very different tastes in snack food.

I did have an interesting moment with lunch, which led me to realize the potential dangers in visual plating. Now, I know that the one plate rule is not magic, it's just an easy way to put some limits on portions, and honestly, I thought that I would have great visual plating skills, but this happened:

I decided to go to the salad bar at a local market for lunch. They have divided takeout containers with one larger section and two small sections; they are smaller than the standard size. I filled the largest sections with greens and veggies, one small well with cherry tomatoes and sliced radishes, and the other small well with chopped broccoli salad---all well and good. However, I didn't like their protein options, so I got a tin of sardines to eat with some flatbread crackers. Anyway, a reasonable meal. When I got home, I put the tin of sardines, the crackers, and a tiny bowl of spicy sauce on my plate, which is quite large. At the last minute, I decided to add the salad, too, since there was going to be "plenty of room" on the place. In actuality, it all barely fit and went slightly vertical!!!!! Since most of the bulk was lettuce, I wasn't bothered, but it did make me realize how much easier it is to fit in so many more calories with a series of small dishes rather than one plate.

For whatever reason, probably the wine, I did wake up today in a funk, despite yesterday's successes. I polished off two habitcal items early for a bit of a boost, but I still feel....I don't really know how, actually. I guess I have a little bit of Holly Golightly's mean reds. Anyway, I fell like I will have to be especially kind to myself today. Maybe I should look on this funk as a gift. A chance to put all my change my repsonse to stressor skills I wrote about yesterday to their first test!

[mitchelll]

thursday was another green day. there was some funny business. for various reasons, both valid and asinine, I skipped breakfast. I did have a small victory at lunch. I decided to treat myself to a local Italian restaurant for lunch. I ordered the two course Italian sampler, a mini-Italian salad, and a small serving of lasagna, eggplant casserole, fried eggplant, and spaghetti and marinara. I was in a "screw it mood," and planned to take a fail. but when the salad came, it was really small. it was served on the equivalent of a teacup saucer, not a regular salad plate. Then, when the sampler came, while the rest looked (and was) very tasty, the spaghetti and sauce only looked so so. But it all fit on one plate; a large plate, but not freakishly large. I realized that the space occupied by the spaghetti and sauce was about the size of the salad. So I ate everything but that, and took that in a doggie bag for later. Thus, I managed to have a one visual plate lunch after all.

That little victory put me in a better mood, so I made it through the rest of the day without slipping.

[eschano]

Well done!

[mitchelll]

Friday evening.

Funny business, and a bit of a fail.

First, the funny business. I skipped breakfast again. And again, I'm not really sure why. It was partly because I had my dinner, which was heavy, must later last night than normal, and I wasn't super hungry. Partly, because what I wanted for breakfast was fast food from Burger King now that they serve burgers during breakfast. Now I know burgers and fries for breakfast are technically allowed if they fit on a plate, but, when I thought about it, it just seemed like a bad idea---I don't need to get into a fast food habit. Plus, I'm pretty sure the craving for burgers was a stress repsonse, which I'm trying to break. So for what ever reason, and I think partially to punish myself (for what, I'm not sure), I skipped breakfast.

I did attempt to deal with stress in better ways: I tackled a project I've been procrastinating on because I'm unsure how it will turn out---working on it, even if it didn't alleviate my fears helped. I also added an hour long Urban ranger walk to help relax me---and burn extra calories.

I enjoyed the urban rangering--the weather is beautiful right now, but combined with a lighter than I realized lunch, by the time I finished working at 5:30 or so, I was quite hungry, the kind of hungry that is physically uncomfortable and verging on headache hungry.

In this mindset, I decided to grab a store made pizza from our local market. Normally I doctor them up with veggies from the salad bar. Tonight, at the salad bar, I quickly realized I was actually making a salad, and a hearty one with lots of chicken and cheese. One that would never work on a visual plate with one slice of pizza, never mind the two I planned to have. Suddenly, I was like WTH, I'm eating this salad, and all the pizza, and if I'm going to have to mark a red, I'm getting cheese straws, too.

Anyway, I got home,and DH was there, though about to go out for the evening. As I talked to him, I poured a glass of wine and had a couple of cheese straws. But the talking distracted me, and I only had a couple, not the box. I then sat down and started on the salad as the pizza cook, after a couple of bites, my immediate hunger passed and I paused. I asked myself if I really wanted that salad right then. the answer was "no." I asked myself if I really HAD to overeat tonight. And the asnwer was agin "no." So I packed my salad up to enjoy at lunch tomorrow, put the cheese straws away in the cabinet (out of sight is out of mind) so I don't see them every time I pass through the kitchen, and am now waiting for my pizza, of which I plan to have two slices that fit on one plate.

I want to keep "a fence aroungd the law," so I'm considering it a red day, but I'm not too terribly unhappy. Even if I cave and eat it all later, at least I paused first, and it will be a deliberate action.

[mitchelll]

Sat and Sunday both went well. both were days of relaxed eating, but not binges. In fact, while I did a bit of snacking on Sunday, I think I actually ate less food than a normal N day.

I did have a bit of funny business on Friday night/Sat. morning and then again on sunday night. I am normally in bed by midnight, but Friday night I stayed up late watching a movie. When midnight rolled around, part of me wanted to go eat, because it was allowable. But before I went downstairs to the kitchen, I asked myself, "are you hungry?" "No." "will you physically feel well and sleep well if you snack now?" "no." "Can you wait to eat until the morning?" "yes." So in the end I didn't snack. I know it was technically allowed, but I want to ecome a "natrually" thin person by retraining my habits. and "naturally" thin people don't go snacking at midnight just because their diet says it's okay.

The same sort of thing happened on Sunday night, when I realized it was after 11. a voice inside me was telling me, "Eat. Eat now---there's only 30 minutes before midnight and NoS." I was similarly able to avert the eating, but I am contiually amazed that part of my brain, even with all my conscious efforts to eat well and rationally, trys to get me to snack when I'm not actually hungry.

[Imogen Morley]

That's certainly something I'm striving for - letting my appetite and my body, not the diethead, lead me through S-days. Congratulations!

[mitchelll]

Imogen, thanks for stopping by the thread.

It's Monday about 5:30. It's been a green NoS day today, and I just finished dinner. I don't, however, anticipate failure tonight, especially since I plan to go to bed early. I was, frankly, hungover from a night of sampling different white wines with some friends, so my meals were on the heavy side. The good news was that I left food on my plate at every meal, stopping eating when full, rather than eating until all the food was gone and i was stuffed. In fact, supper was partially made up from lunch's left overs. I seem to be gradually returning to the way I ate when was thin and rarely finished an entire plate of food, especially at a restaurant. During the years I maintained my 40 pound weight loss, I followed a way of eating that was very, very similar to NoS.

I've been NoSing this time for about a month, and here's my findings so far:

The Good:

1. I can eat this way indefinitely. The 3 meal structure fits easily into my schedule. The other thing that is helpful, is that my current eating issue is just one of, for want of a better word, standard overeating. I no longer have much of a sweet tooth, I no longer have major binge episodes, and I don't have any ingrained snacking habits, so NoS has not been a major change for me. I don't want to make appear that sticking to NoS has been a breeze for me; it hasn't, it's just that it's not far from how I was eating, just with less food. Though I didn't have a regular routine, I did snack often. cutting those out has been the biggest difference.

2. Learning to build habits, especially with the habitcal, has started bleeding into other areas. i've managed to develop a daily walking habit, and has some success with a couple of other habits I want to entrench

3. It's hard to know without a scale, but i do think I've lost some weight. I took a selfie to send to a friend to show my new glasses, and I think my face does look thinner. I know I feel much better in general.

The Bad:

1. This is not NoS's fault---in fact, it's one of the pluses of the system, but the slow weight loss is hard to adjust to. No matter how much I tell myself slow and steady is far better, I have to be honest and admit I yearn for more dramatic results.

2. Again, not really a negative, and unrelated to NoS itself, but by learning to eat rationally and moderately, I have removed food and my focus on it as a major source of my attention. This means I am now having to face some of the real, more serious issues I have in my life that I've been deliberately putting off dealing with. Even though I should have anticipated this, I wasn't quite ready for this effect.

3. And related to 2 above, it's also hard to accept that after I lose the weight i would like, there's not going to be any major life changes directly related to the weight loss. i'm no longer capable of deluding myself that being thin will, by itself, magically transform my life into something different. It's still going to be the same old life, i'll just be thinner. Don't get me wrong, looking better, feeling better about myself, and feeling better physically will be wonderful, and I look forward to that time, but I'm trying to be rational about the real impact on my life.

Anyway, no matter what, i feel like i'm in a better place than i was a month or so ago. My next month will end around my birthday, so I'm interested to see what I'll feel like 2 months in.

[Imogen Morley]

Yeah, NoS is all about being good enough, not perfect. But man, keeping realistic about this way of eating is HARD! I admire your insight.

[eschano]

I'm completely with you when it comes to the advantages and disadvantages. I think the slow weight loss is the one people consciously struggle with most. The other two are more unconscious usually.

[mitchelll]

6 pm Monday.

A small bit of a fail, in fact the kind I could rationalize away, but I'm trying to do the fence around the law of my vanilla NoS.

Breakfast and lunch went as planned. both were, luckily on the light side.
Breakfast was a slice of wholewheat toast with peanut butter and an apple. Lunch was a salad with avocado and chicken salad, with some pita chips and hummus. I did have part of a milky coffee between breakfast and lunch.

Dinner was the funny business. I helped a friend with an errand. She recently lost her husband and was definitely down, so when she really wanted to grab a glass of wine and a bite to eat, I agreed. It wasn't a pig out, It was an plate of mussels, plus a shared entree, but definitely bigger than one plate. No dessert. I did manage to stop eating when satisfied and leave a bit behind. But it was eaten really early for dinner--4:30, so I may face a struggle not eating a snack later. if I'm genuinely hungry, I'll have an apple or something, I just don't want to give in to the diethead "It's already red, so I should make it count." mentality. I mean, I ate maybe, at most a couple of hundred extra calories. There is no reason to pointlessly add more than I don't really want. Why does my mind go to this option like it's the most reasonable. In my thin days, I would have just thought, "dinner was delicious, but I ate more than I planned. I should walk a little longer tomorrow and maybe take it easy at lunch. that's it--a plan to deal with the minor deviation instead to looking for an excuse to pig out.

[eschano]

Completely agreed mitchelll. It's not about having no fails, it's about limiting the What The Hell Effect (WTH). That will shave off kilos over the months too.

[MerryKat]

Sometimes being kind to a friend is worth the hiccup in our eating. Sounds to me like you had a very sane meal - it could much easily have been WAY worse and I am sure if you look back pre-No S it would have been a good excuse to munch starter, main & dessert.

Well Done!

[mitchelll]

Yesterday, Wednesday was a success.

Br. Fried egg sandwich on wheat with grape tomatoes
Lunch: Salad with leftover pork ribs.
Dinner: meatloaf (made with green peppers, green onions, and lots of fresh parsley), sauted green and red peppers over rice, and spinach.

Dinner was satisfying. but afterwards it was a struggle. I keep wanting a sweet, which is relatively uncommon, to finish it off. Stuggled with that all night. Hot tea and a good movie helped distract, but that craving was definitely there. I guess the positive takeaway is the knowledge that I don't HAVE to give in to my craving.

The other interesting thing is yesterday, I saw a direct path from stress to negative body talk (you're so fat, why even bother with NoS) to urge to eat. I'm painting a piece of furniture for a client, and for various reasons, the whole project has been a struggle. I'm very worried she will not be satisfied with results--anyway, went to fix small flaw in one of the drawers and made it worse!!!! repaired it, but not 100'%. Anyway, up until this, had not really thought about weight, body etc. But immediately after first step in repair, became really irriated t-shirt wasn't looser, I wasn't thinner, etc. Self rant about the pointlessness of NoS, and that I should just give up and eat, etc. Luckily, in the midst, I was able to pause and ask, "Where is this coming from?" and realize it was my stress response trying to rehook my automatic path from stress to food. Did a workout instead, which helped calm me down.

I know that stress triggers most of my overeating, but it was odd to see it so clearly.

[eschano]

It is amazing how consciously you are approaching everything. To do a workout instead is a brilliant response!

[mitchelll]

thanks, eschano. the deal is that three times in the last 20 years I have lost the 40 or so pounds necessary to take me to my version of my ideal weight. According to the BMI charts it's still officially overweight, but at 200 (give or take 5 pounds), I like the way I look and feel, and can wear 33/34 pants and M/L shirts. Each time I reached it, I was able to maintain with moderate ease (no starving myself or excessive exercise) for 6 months, 2 years, and then 4 years. But each time, I eventually found myself leaving maintenance. This time, I really want to understand what is truly driving my behavior.

Yesterday, Thursday, was another green day. Again, though, after dinner I really wanted to snack. However, since I purposely avoid keep tempting snack food in the house, I was able to resist.

Breakfast: hamburger patty with grape tomatoes
Lunch: Salad with fajita vegetables and beef, scoop of broccoli salad, scoop of pasta salad
Dinner: Leftover meatloaf, steamed broccoli, baked potato (potato was huge, so only ended up eating half).

Tonight, Friday, is Halloween, and we are going to the French Quarter with some friends to celebrate. I am taking today as an S day, but only plan to start with the S eating after 6.

Because of an S event next to the weekend, I will focus this weekend on limiting the S's. But based on my deprivation feelings of the past few days, I will definitely work in at least one snack and one sweet.

[mitchelll]

Friday went as planned: regular NoS for breakfast and lunch, taking an S event for the evening. But the actual S event, for a variety of reasons, ended up being very little indulgence. My late was lunch, so when my partner wanted an early dinner, I wasn't very hungry and ended up taking most of my meal home in a doggie bag. One of the reasons I ate such a light supper, was that we often hit a local diner after a night of paryting, but we did not end up going. So when I got home famished, I had a couple of cheese and crackers---all of my post 5 eating would have easily fit on one plate.

Saturday I had a very irregular schedule, so I ate all day instead of regular meals. It wasn't an all out pig fest, but I did eat so much more than normal that I had awful indigestion and was unable to sleep well.

Sunday was a more normal S day. I had to work, so I wasn't able to maintain my normal meal schedule, but I didn't eat much more than normal. I did have a sweet and a snack, but both were small and actually based (at least somewhat) on genuine hunger instead of just wanting to eat.

I am looking forward to returning to NoS eating, though. I hope I can keep reminding myself how much better I feel and function with smaller amounts of real food.

[mitchelll]

Monday is NoS success so far, and at 8 pm, I do not forsee any failure---I have no urgent snacking desires.

A bit of a success today, belt moved in one notch. Still a bit snug on the third hole, but it was the hole the belt went to naturally. This was the hole I was using this spring before Dad's illness derailed me.

Some funny business around lunch--I got a late start, including a late breakfast at 10. I got caught up in work and it wasn't convenient to stop and eat, so it was after 2 before I got a break. by then I was ravenous and was on the verge of stopping at Burger King---while eating a burger and fries would be fine in and of itself, I find that fast food acts as an eating trigger for me---soon it will be fast food daily for a week, and no good can come from that. Without making it a rule, (don't won't diet head/deprivation thinking to kick in) I need to not eat at fast food restaurants. Managed to have a salad instead. Lots of cheese and meat on it, but still a salad. The real good news is, even though really hungry, I managed to not cave and eat the Halloween candy that was all around the client's house.

My goal is to make it until Thursday, the day I leave for NYC, with perfect NoS compliance. I will be in NYC from Thursday to Monday for a wedding. Travel can be difficult for me when it comes to good eating choices. I've decided to aim for normal NoS eating during my visit instead of treating it as a S event/vacation.

[mitchelll]

Tuesday and Wednesday were both green. Wednesday night, it was especially difficult to stop at one plate at dinner (we had pizza, my favorite), but I stopped with two slices, and in time my stomach caught up, and I was quite satisfied.

Tomorrow is a travel day---I'm going to NYC to visit friends and go to a wedding. Travel will definitely interfere with breakfast and lunch, so I'm planning for a reasonable failure and taking decently healthy snacks. Other than allowing snacks, I'm trying to stick to NoW. I want to establish my habits as deeply as possible by the holidays. I could take the long weekend as an S event, but I figure there will always be excuses to overeat, and if I want thinness, I need to learn to limit them. Though the last few mornings were busy, I managed to fit in walks.

[mitchelll]

i hadn't realized it had been quite this long since I posted, though I know my falling off the radar was somewhat deliberate.

The falling off was triggered by the wedding weekend I mentioned in my last post. Now, it was the expected overeating that triggered it. In fact, I stayed true to NoS throughout the weekend, and managed to include more salads than normal. No, what got to me was how obsessed I was with my eating, and more problematic, other people's eating. See, my host, his partner, and our mutal friend are all overweight. My host and his partner actually used to weigh quite a bit less than me, so I was somewhat startled that they have gained enough weight in the past three years or so to pass my size. I found myself (silently, thank goodness) critizing their eating habits. And this horrified me.

At that point, I realized that I had been sucked into a true diethead mentality again, and realized that even though NoS itself is a sane way to eat, it had triggered something in me.

I have only been half-heartedly following it for the past two months, but I haven't dived into a sea of food, not even with the holidays. in fact, as far as I can tell, I weigh about the same as I did two months ago. I am ready to start NoSing again, though, because of something else.

In the past two months I've spent not thinking too much about my weight or diet, I've realized my real issue: I drink too much. way too much. And that is my problem, or at least my major problem, not my diet.

Today is my third day without a drink; I don't want to get too caught up in my diet and forget my now main focus, but in the past, before I started drinking daily, food was my crutch. The last thing I want to do is stop drinking and start binging again.

my hope is that NoS can help me acheive sensible eating habits so I can focus on staying sober.

[eschano]

Wow, there's a lot of insight.

I sometimes find myself horrified at how much people are eating but I think moderation will do that to one. It just reminds me at how much I used to eat and then I give myself a pat on the shoulder and completely forget about it again. I think it's great though that when you found yourself into being sucked into diet head you relaxed for a while.

Drinking is a biggie. If you stick to NoS and start a glass ceiling you should be fine though. My fiancé and I have just stopped drinking (he for January and I until 1st May with some S days) and find that making a herbal tea in the evening helps a lot. The celebratory glass of wine is now replaced by a relaxing tea and it works fine.

[gingerpie]

Too much alcohol can add an incredible number of calories to a day. Getting rid of my evening glass of wine is what I'm working on now. One trick I did was to add up all the calories (estimated) that I drank in one night and then added the snack calories that went with it because I always eat when I drink. It is truly eye opening. I came up with anything from 600 to 2,000 calories per day of extra calories. That "fact" went a long way to convincing me to drop the wine/snack habit.

I find that the moderate thinking of no-s and the idea of a glass ceiling go nicely together but if you are feeling that your alcohol consumption is a greater issue than just dietary then perhaps you want to look at other support options as well as this board.

Good luck to you

[mitchelll]

thanks, eschano and ginger pie for the support. While I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic, I do think that for now, at least, I need to give up drinking entirely. but knowing my hatred of the "never" word, I am only focusing on one day at a time.

yesterday, successful NoS. Today is day 5 without drinking. After googling not drinking and it's dietary effects, I did find some very interesting articles about how much too much drinking does negatively affect your weight. Why I find this surprising, I don't know, except for the old case of we only "know" the things we want to know. one that I found really inspiring was a British article where one woman who was drinking up to 5 glasses a wine a night stopped for a month. The difference in her looks in one month was amazing!! it was nice motivation.

Anyway, after only 4 days or so, I can see how drinking wine (especially) or thinking about not drinking it has taken over food's former role as my great distraction from life.

I have such a history of finding crutches for life, it will be interesting to see if I reach for another.

[gingerpie]

Hang in there. I'm so very confident that the longer you are successful the less you will think about it. It might not be as fast as you want though so do be prepared to dig in your heels.

Yes, you could be using glass ceiling and no-s as a distraction from other life issues OR you could have been using alcohol and/or over eating as a distraction from those issues. I suggest to keep at it and you will figure it out in time.

Good luck and warm regards

[mitchelll]

First, I have made one small mod to vanilla NoS. I like to eat one banana a day as I have high blood pressure. however, I'm usually not in the mood for it at breakfast, and I don't really like it as a dessert for lunch or dinner, so I started using it as a floating snack between breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner. While I like bananas, I really do think of it as medicine more than a snack.

Friday was a NoS day. I did eat a large dinner (pizza, my favorite), but it all fit on one plate, and afterwards I was merely full, not uncomfortably full. In fact, by bedtime, I was actaully getting legitimately hungry--not majorly so, but noticably. In fact, I woke up pleasantly really hungry for breakfast.

I took advantage of Saturday to have a McDonald's big breakfast complete with jelly on my biscuit and syrup on my pancakes (which I didn't finish---I was satisfied with half). That left me full enough that with my banana snack around noon, I wasn't really hungry until I met with the DH and some friends for a late lunch--around 2.

This lunch was my first test at not drinking (the glass ceiling hasn't worked for me) while dining out, especially with this set of friends who like to drink. it wasn't as awkward as I had feared, and I really enjoyed my lunch--primarily raw oysters. After lunch, I was again pleasantly, not uncomfortably full....In fact, I didn't have dinner, as I wasn't hungry by nighttime and tired (I have a small sinus thing happening) enough to go to bed earlier. I think that if I've done my usual drinking...a bloody mary to start, a couple of glasses of white wine with the rest of the oysters, a cocktail or two back at my friends' house, in addition to those extra calories from the alcohol itself, I'd definitely have had some snacks or a third meal or both. Not to mention the huge breakfast I'd be preparing today to help with that morning after feeling.

I think I am already starting to see some results from not drinking-- yesterday, I was able to slide my belt over to the third notch--it was a little too tight to wear comfortably, but that's the first time I've been able to do so since gaining weight after my bout of emotional eating earlier this year.

[gingerpie]

It sounds like you are doing great!! If things get tricky when you go out with your friends, you can always claim to be the "designated driver"

Enjoy your s-day,

[Strawberry Roan]

Hi - sounds like you are doing great and are seeing - and feeling - the benefits

Nothing succeeds like success!

I like what you said about the banana! So true. Good food IS medicine for our body. I cut up a grapefruit, orange and banana at work the other day for breakfast, sprinkled it all with flax seed and cinnamon. My boss (a marathon runner and real advocate for healthy eating) walked by and said - better than medicine!

Keep up the good work.

[eschano]

Hello Funnily, I read this article not long ago: https://psychologies.co.uk/alcohol-affecting-your-mood

Of all the monthly magazines out there I like psychologies most, even though I wouldn't recommend believing everything they write. I did think that this article was interesting.

I haven't drunk alcohol since New Years and I do find that my mood has improved a little.

[mitchelll]

Monday was NoS success, though dinner was a larger meal (even if it fit on one plate) than I was comfortable with, physically and psychologically.

Continued with no drinking even though ate dinner at a friend's bar-b-que where there was plenty of beer and, my favorite, bourbon. Just reminded myself that a slug of whiskey would do nothing to help my cold.

Eschano, it's early to know, but I do seem slightly more upbeat since quitting drinking, but that could also be the improvement in the weather

[mitchelll]

epic NoS fail on Tuesday: I decided to go try calorie counting again which lead directly to major overeating on snacks (which is rare) and sweets (even rarer). I think I was seduced by the relative ease of my not drinking, which I thought would be harder, as well as the resulting slight weight loss. At any rate, have come to my senses and am abandoning my calorie counting app.

Wed and thursday were both NoSish, but with bits of funny business since my cold/sinus thing is throwing my appetitie off. both days had very little desire for lunch, only having a small orange on both days, but then having huge early dinners. but since I have felt perfectly satisfied on both days, going to bed with pleasantly empty stomachs and waking up pleasantly hungry, I am good with it.

Continuing my goal of not drinking. With the cold it's hard to tell, but I do seem to feel better, much better, actually, even with congestion. I am definitely in a more positive frame of mind.

At any rate, after the disaster on Tuesday, i am going to focus on not drinking, on making NoS my natural eating method, and developing a reasaonable and sustainable exercise habit. No more dieting---I promise. I'm at the point, as long as I can feel better, both emotionally and physically, I can live happily at my current size.

[gingerpie]

Accepting where we are . . . That's the hard part. It sounds like you are making amazing positive changes. I bet you'll be astonished where success leads you.

Congratulations on your teatotaler goal.

[eschano]

Sounds brilliant to me!

[mitchelll]

This week, I got another glimpse into how drinking was being translated into extra calories. I went with DH to a Mexican restaurant (in my thread you'll hear about Mexican restaurants a lot because I love Mexican food, and we have a great Cali-Mex restaurant within walking distance). I did not order my usual margarita. They have great ones and during happy hour, they are 2 for 1. Anyway, we shared queso dip with chorizo, and then I ordered an entree. after eating so much dip, I only had a couple of bites of the entree and then took the rest home for the next day. Anyway, based on my DH's behavior and my past, I'm firmly convinced that if I'd had a couple of margaritas (approximately 600 calories), I would have plowed through my entree that night---either there at the restaurant or later at home while watching t.v. I think that in the past couple of years, my nightly wine (or beer or margaritas) has been turning off or muting my "enough" signal.


The weekend, on the whole went well. I managed to not drink, making two solid weeks without a drink, the longest I've gone without drinking in years. I worked on a big project all weekend which helped curb my eating--no time for snacks. Sunday, i was a little irritated at myself for continuing to pick at the chip bowl long after my meal should have ended. I ate out with some friends at a Mexican restaurant (my favorite), and enjoyed the chips before dinner and my entree salad. At that point I was completely satisfied. And I know that technically you can't go wrong on an S day, but still--I was full, but yet I mindlessly kept eating chips. It's the mindlessness of it that bothers me more than the calories consumed.

[gingerpie]

I think the most disturbing aspect of my no-s adventure is discovering just how much mindless eating/drinking I did.
I Just never realized how much unnessessary eating I did. Now, my eating isn't always mindless but I do occasionally still have trouble turning off the munching just- because -it's in-front -of-me. It does always involves alcohol and I don't know why I'm surprised by that but I am. Maybe because I was never a heavy dinker -I'm too much of a pansy for that- so it never occurred to me that drinking could be causing a problem for me.

Well, live and learn I guess.

Congratulations on your 2 week success.

[ironchef]

I'm firmly convinced that if I'd had a couple of margaritas (approximately 600 calories), I would have plowed through my entree that night---either there at the restaurant or later at home while watching t.v. I think that in the past couple of years, my nightly wine (or beer or margaritas) has been turning off or muting my "enough" signal.

This is me to a tee. I can look back over my daily check-ins and see a clear pattern of drinking = red day time and again. I don't even have to be really "drunk" for this to happen, just a few drinks is enough to disable my "off switch" and start up my "internal excuse generator".

Well done on having two weeks off!

[eschano]

I see how that can happen. Personally, I eat less when I'm drinking but the next day is a red. I think my body is trying to make up for lost water with a false hunger signal.

Also, drinks themselves are quite calorific.

[mitchelll]

Eschano, alcohol used to work like that for me: i.e., I'd rather have a martini than an appetizer before dinner when eating out or a glass of wine instead of a bag of chips. in fact, back in my single days when I drank the most, I was at my thinnest. But at a certain point after settling down and trading my nights out for nights in with the significant other (not to mention crossing over into my 40s), it's become a martini AND an appetizer, wine AND chips, etc.

Monday was a technical fail (a cookie tasted at the grocery store), but other than that NoS. Tuesday was also a NoS, but I had a too light lunch, so dinner (even fitting one plate) was enormous. I continued with my glass ceiling of 0, but it's getting harder. Monday night, I really wanted a martini after a long day of working on a project. And honestly, one martini would have been fine, but I was afraid that since I was a little stressed (nothing major, just normal work stress), that martini would lead directly to snacking since I was a little hungry after a really early dinner near the jobsite. Same thing on tuesday: we ate a a pizza place that has really good bear on tap and tuesday is $1 pint night---I wanted some beer, but didn't want the calories on top of pizza, and I was afraid that after a couple I would start snacking at the movie we went to after dinner.

My goal is to make to the weekend before mardi gras (we have a huge party planned for February 14) without drinking. That will be around a month or so of not drinking, and I think enough for me to see how much drinking has effected my weight, mood, etc.

[gingerpie]

Some days are definately harder than others. Substitution works best for me. If DH is having a drink, I have tea or steamed milk with flavoring. If out, I order the vegetable appetizer (or side salad) so I have something to fiddle with/munch or share as the case may be.

This I promise, you won't regret success.

[mitchelll]

wednesday and thursday were both NoS days. Wednesday, I did have two glasses of wine with dinner. I did enjoy them, but I felt them a bit Thursday morning---a had a bit of trouble sleeping, and a smallish headached (that went away quickly).

Thursday, I had only two meals--a lateish breakfast and and a late lunch--I am working on a big project and two meals just fit better. I had a great turkey burger which comes with a side salad, but I really wanted sweet potatoe fries. I knew fries would stick with me longer, but I knew a salad would help me get in my vegetable servings---so I had both. I got a side order of fries, put the handful that would fit the open spot on my plate there and had the waitress immediately remore the rest.

[mitchelll]

The weekend went pretty well. there were many more sweets than usual and heavy meals, but nothing too horrible. interestingly enough, I can tie both the sweets and the general overeating directly to my choice to drink on Saturday. At lunch Sat., I used a gift certificate to have brunch at a nice restaurant in the neighborhood and celebrated with a couple of craft cocktails. while I refused dessert at the cafe (nothing looked really appealing), with the buzz from the cocktails fresh, after leaving, I hit the store for some sweets and ate the whole bag. later that night we met some out of town friends in the french quarter for drinks and to watch a parade. I didn't drink a lot, but it was enough to make a late dinner sound like a fantastic idea even though I wasn't particularly hungry. Plus, though I wasn't hungover, I woke up Sunday in an incredibly bad mood which I tried to lift through donuts and French onion dip. (of course neither worked). At any rate, back to my glass ceiling of 0.

[eschano]

I can completely relate. Afternoon drinking = snacking on sweets for me too.

[mitchelll]

I'm not sure why, maybe just a carry over from Sunday, but Monday was a total NoS fail. While actually not that different from a typical eating day for me before NoS, it had it all: sweets, snacks, sweets for snacks, second, enormous meals, sodas, etc.

Tuesday, however, was back to regular NoS. In fact, because of my schedule working on a project, I only had two meals: breakfast and a really late lunch/early dinner, which was filling enough, I didn't eat before bed. While, I don't make it a habit to skip meals (I like my three a day), I am excited to finally be the kind of person who can just be "too busy to eat lunch."

[gingerpie]

Ahh yes, the mysterious eat-all-day days. If you figure out why they happen, let me know too.

One thing I noticed for me. When I eat sugar, I want more sugar. If I can't get sugar, the eating will spill over into everything. It's almost like I'm looking for something but can't find it. Believe it or not, a glass of milk helps (I'm guessing because the lactose provides enough of a sugar rush to satisfy without creating a feedback loop). If I'm looking for a full-on sugar fix a glass of hot milk with 1/2 tsp of sugar and a couple drops of vanilla makes it seem extra special and limits any damage. Just an idea.

glad your Tuesday settled down.

[eschano]

Yep, I know those days as well!

[mitchelll]

gingerpie, I think it was the donut holes I bought and ate on Sunday that triggered it. I usually don't eat a lot of sweets, so I think having that large amount (at least 6) started a craving, because the remaining donut holes was what I started with on Monday. I should have thrown the leftover ones out.

Wed. was a normal NoS day. I dd have a small glass of wine with dinner, but just the one.

[mitchelll]

thursday was a NoS success. Considering I had some work/finance related stress at the close of the work day (it all worked out fine, but was a very stressful 45 minutes or so), I'm very happy that I didn't seek stress relief in overeating or drinking wine, especially since I have an open bottle handy from Wed. In fact, after my huge cobb salad for lunch, I ended up having another salad for dinner since I needed to eat, but wasn't hugely hungry. And a couple of mugs of tea replaced my relaxing glass of wine. And in a case of small successes can be inspiring, my belt moved over one more notch and a cardigan is definitely buttoning with less strain. The belt is tight in the 4th hole, but considering I was at the first hole at the end of the summer, I'll take it.

[Lovedby2]

Hi Mitchell! It liked ready your posts. You are very insightful and seemingly willing to face your demons, a rare quality. I totally relate and understand your struggle with alcohol in relation to food. Years ago I used to work in the restaurant business, known for it's opportunities for overindulging, usually late nights. I really progressed to drinking too much. Don't get me wrong, it was way fun for a while. I was skinny, let me tell ya! If I was drinking I wouldn't eat much. It too eventually quit working for me to not eat and I gained a ton of weight. Nothing worse than a fat cocktail waitress in a cute little outfit. Lol. That was in my late twenties. I am 59 now. For me there was a definite connection between food and alcohol...mine being, I used both to escape, I guess. I kind of used them interchangeably. Anyway, not sure why I am telling you all this except to say I understand. Some people, can just limit it and be done with it. Maybe you are one of those. Sending you big hugs on your journey.

[eschano]

Well done Mitchell for sticking to your guns. Also for the fact that your belt hole is so much further along now.

[mitchelll]

everything is going fine. I, along with the entire city, is distracted by the Mardi Gras season, but I have been so busy with my project (mercifully almost complete) and getting ready for a party this weekend (let's just say the house needed a thorough spring cleaning---watching How Clean Is Your House has been my inspiration), that following NoS (with very, very minor fails) has been relatively easy.

[eschano]

I love those to-busy-to-notice-I'm-doing-NOS times!

[mitchelll]

With Mardi Gras, and it's recovery period, well behind me, I'm back to NoS. I had to work this weekend, so making Sat. and Sun. low key S days was not a problem. What may be a problem--a local dairy stopped making its line of ice cream, a favorite of my partner's. Unbeknownst to me, he decided to stock up---I came home to not one, but two gallons of ice cream and three pints in different flavors. Sticking to NoS will, therefore, be a lot harder in the coming weeks.

I think I am going to join a gym. there is one in walking distance in my neighborhood, and I'm tempted. I no longer get enough physical activity through my work, and I'm just not interested in working out at home anymore. I don't have a great track record with gym going, but for whatever reason, I am feeling it's call. I do know I need to find some hobbies and outlets for my down time other than eating, surfing the web, and watching Netflix. I know from the past, that weightloss occurs for me when I'm already busy, happy, and active. And while I'm not truly unhappy, I'm in a definite rut and a bit of a funk. my goals this week: to contact the gym about membership and to put together a list of possible extra curricular activites.

[Lovedby2]

Being bored is my worst enemy too! Sounds like the gym may be a good option. And walking distance? Wow, that is 9/10th of the battle right there! Driving 20 minutes kept me from joining. Just do it!!

[gingerpie]

Hey Mitchelll,

Glad you are doing well. I'm wondering if you have some sport or league that you you might enjoy joining. Around here they have a variety of adult sport leagues as well as rowing, drum boats, even table tennis and unicycles. I only mention this because it doesn't seem like you are overly enthused about the gym and I think we are more likely to stick to something we enjoy.

Oh, and I hear you about the ice cream. My daughter brought home 3 boxes of girl scout cookies yesterday.

[mitchelll]

Gingerpie, I was at a client's house yesterday and was offered a box of Samoa's---I literally had to make the sign of the cross at it and run out the door like it was a vampire instead of pure deliciousness.

As far as the gym goes, I'm actually really interested in it. the one I'm interested in is pretty no frills, but is near enough to my house to walk to. I'm really looking for something that I can do by myself in the evenings (I love my partner, but sometimes I need some time alone), and I recently realized that all my fitness role models regularly go to the gym. As far as sports---I wish I were that kind of person, but I am a textbook introvert and the idea of engaging with a group of people, mainly strangers, is my version of hell. I've always been more drawn to the solitary, or paired sports--swimming, walking, cycling, tennis, raquetball.

Monday was a NoS day. I was so busy with two projects (I do faux finishing and one project ran long and overlapped another one that has i's own deadline), that I worked past lunch. At 2, though, I was so hungry,, but I knew we were planning on steak for dinner, so I had a salad (with plenty of protein), but was so hungry for dinner, I devoured the whole thing. I did manage to discipline myself enough I didn't have the pre dinner cocktail I wanted or ice cream after.

My partner and I have decided to give up drinking for Lent, so that was part of the reason I said "no" to the Bourbon. But the main reason was that I was fairly certain that in my mood and state of hunger, a couple of fingers of Bourbon ( which would have probably been followed by a couple of more) would have lowered my resistance to pre dinner snacking and eased my way to saying "yes" to a dish of ice cream afterwards.

I have had a lot of time alone lately on the job site which has given me plenty of time to reflect on my past, especially my relationship with food, dieting, my body, etc. And among the patterns I see emerging, is how I can easily set my self up to succeed or fail with my eating goals, and in this case, I knew that the pre dinner drink, while relatively harmless in and off itself, was poised to be my catalyst and excuse for eating more than I wished too.

I tend to navel gaze too much, but I wonder if, besides the hunger which was real enough, my desire to eat outside of my NoS goals was tied to being complimented on my appearance, specifically weight related, earlier in the day. I have often found a direct path from some small success--a lower number on the scale, a formerly tight clothing items now fits, ect--and overeating. I'm not sure if it's a fear of success--I know that sounds strange, but I do know in the past, that focussing on diet and weightloss and how fat I am is one of my favorite distractions from "real life" and, theoretically, achieving my goal weight eliminates that comforting crutch--- or if it's the achievement/reward syndrome---you've done well, reward yourself with food!!! either way, I'm trying to be more aware of my actions and motivations.

[mitchelll]

Tuesday was standard NoS. lunch was a bit early and (while it was exactly what I wanted at the time, and I was completely satisfied after eating it) a bit too light so that I was very hungry by dinner time. I had so much hunger momentum, for want of a better phrase, that I had a bigger than normal portion (but still in the one plate limit) and it took massive amounts of effort and post dinner hot teas to calm the food beast who was demanding seconds and ice cream for dessert. I white knuckled it through and went to bed early. I kept reminding myself that I was in control of my actions, that I actually could, if I really wanted to, eat as much pasta as I wanted and as much ice cream as I could hold, but that these actions would be definitely counter to my avowed goals. In these times, I try to keep in the forefront of my mind, that the pleasure from eating is fleeting, but the ramifications of what and how much you eat can have much longer lasting impact.

It will be a busy day again, so sticking to NoS should be somewhat easier as neither site has super easy access to snacks. Any trouble will likely come after work/dinner.

I am a little edgy though; I feel like I'm in a kind of danger zone as far the diet (I was stumbling around, trying to find phrases like sensible eating, etc. but I need to be honest, NoS IS a diet----a sensible, rational, sustainable one, but still a diet), results, and self sabotage go. In other words, I'm starting to see, especially after the post Mardi Gras bloat from booze, soda, and questionable eating choices has faded, some results. my clothes, especially t-shirts are looser and my face looks thinner. pulling my belt to the fourth hole is becoming increasingly easier. What's the problem you ask? well, as I mentioned in the last post, this is typically when I throw myself full force into diet head mode with the resulting backlash, or just skip that portion and, for reasons I'm not completely aware off, start stuffing my face like there is no tomorrow. Solutions? well, I guess one thing I can do is focus on vanilla NoS complianace

[mitchelll]

Wednesday was a NoS success. Thursday, however, was a minor fail. It was a green day until after dinner, at which point I caved and had a small dish of ice cream for dessert. It wasn't a massive fail and did not, at least for last night, trigger additional eating. Possibly because there are no snack like items at all in the house.

I am concerned, though, about my reaction to eating the ice cream. I was, and am this morning, still a little upset about "blowing my plan." This means I am tottering on the edge of diet head; hopefully, I can maintain NoS today and blow off some eating steam this weekend.

[mitchelll]

Friday was, from a NoS standpoint, one of those weird borderline days, i.e., a technical fail with some funny business, but in reality really a success. First the technical fail: 2 Jordan almonds after dinner at a local Lebanese restaurant. I can, with effort, say no to complimentary bread or chips. I, however, do not have the inner resources necessary to pass up Jordan almonds. And I know that in the scheme of things, 2 do not make a difference, but realize that eating them does make Friday a technical fail.

As to the funny business--I ended up skipping breakfast. I didn't do it on purpose, it just kind of happened. I have found, that for me, it's more about the timing of meals more than quality and quantity that effect my ability to stick to three meals a day. While I'm generally hungry in the morning, it's still much easier for me to restrict my eating, even on the rare occasions I don't eat breakfast. While I don't make a habit of it, I can relatively easily make to 1 or so without eating, especailly if I've eaten heavily the night before. I have also found that breakfast seems to whet my appetite: if i don't eat anything after I wake up, just have some coffee, I don't seem to get that hungry until early afternoon. Eat something for breakfast, and I WILL be hungry for lunch in 4 hours. After 3 pm, however is another matter especially the period between 3 and 5---this is when I usually want a snack. The next most difficult period for me can be after dinner, if dinner was too early or too light. My daily schedule varies, but I have found the optimal eating schedule for me is breakfast between 8-9, lunch between 1-2, dinner around 6-6:30.

Friday, I woke up around 5:30 and couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to
get out of bed. I was actually pretty hungry, but I didn't want to eat breakfast so early as I knew I would be hungry for lunch early with would make it hard to wait for dinner. I was nervous about getting too hungry because I would be home much of the day and resisting the ice cream my partner bought has been difficult this week, and I was afraid that I would take any excuse to dive into it again. So I put off eating breakfast until later. I ended up falling back to sleep and waking up at 9:30 or so (an incredibly rare occurence to sleep so late, even on a day off). By the time I got up, took care of the dog, etc., it was 10 or so and just seemed very late to eat breakfast with lunch so close, so I just held out until noon. I was afraid that I would be so ravenous at lunch that I would eat my lunch calories, my usual breakfast calories, and more, but that wasn't the case. I had a marginally heavier than usual lunch, but nothing more. dinner was likewise reasonably sized.

I know I've mentioned it before, but I somehow feel really happy about being able to skip the occasional meal, just like a normal, non food obsessed person. At the height of my eating frenzy (my mid 20s), I really could not understand why someone would calmly and rationally choose to skip a meal (except as part of a starvation diet) and not really think much about it.

And to make a long post longer, I hope that skipping the occasional meal is anther step toward developing a "thin" mindset. In the past, I've lost 20-40 pounds 4-5 times and maintained the loss 6 months - 5 years. But only the last time, the longest time, was there a real shift in my thinking (before, I was glad to be thin, but in the back of my mind was the thought that this wasn't real and was temporary, and I never really thought like a naturally thin person). Alas, when I abandoned the habits that had allowed me to lose and maintain in order to dive back into emotional eating to deal with a major life catastrophe, I also lost the mindset.

I'll write about it later, but when in the thin mindset, I just thought differently. a quick example--my normal reaction to eating outside of my plan at lunch was "I have failed. there's no point in sticking to my diet----it's ruined. I'll just eat everything) and the eating would commence until I got sick of it--maybe later that day, sometimes later that week, sometimes not until later that month. When I was thinking thin, and I ate more than I planned at lunch, I would just think--I ate more than I should have. I think I'll have a salad for dinner, and that would be it.









































































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