Everyday Systems

true gp.. i also might only eat them when the weather's nice because I am going to rely on the grill so therefore I will be outdoors. cant do that in nebraska in the winter very easily. also I don't have a garden though it would be nice to have some fresh tomatoes right now I am using my two heathen dogs as an excuse for not having a garden.

its snowing today so who knows.

I think im ready for an s day.

have a nice weekend

I thought i'd better come on here and have a say about this weekend.

I drank lots of diet pop. I ate food rather liberally.

also, my dad caught me trying to fudge it a little bit. he offered me a piece of chicken, i said no, then when rolls were brought out i was already finished with my plate and was going to take a roll, he said wait a minute here. so i said you're right and didn't take the roll.

now whats' worse, telling him he was right when i was wrong, or not getting to have that roll when i had a virtual plate going.

whatever. just thought i would mention this.

for those that don't know, a virtual plate means that if you're careful you can have food from 2 plates as long as they'd fit on one.

but alas, i have to admit that first plate was likely full enough.

for those that wonder why i had this problem on a sunday, an S day, i'm not fundamentally sworn to vanilla noS though i have on occasion felt pained that i'm not.

for me (and for some reason today i don't feel like i'm at peace with the world so watch it, i start on fridays specifically at dinner no exceptions there, and finish lunch sunday no exceptions there). so that's sort of like vanilla. with a little twist. in truth i probably eat a little more than if it was vanilla noS and i'm somewhat open to that in the future.

hey so i caught myself being a dumb pig and trying to eat an extra roll.

sorry, I'm human. i used to be a much worse pig

btw I wasnt telling my dad he was right I was confirming the diet was right

I should say glutton not pig.

I am fine now

You have great awareness! That's a big deal. You weren't mindlessly eating and knew exactly what you were doing. Nice job on that!

You reacted kindly when your dad commented on your food intake. If someone comments on my eating, it causes me to rebel. I don't like being told what to do so I probably would have had 5 rolls just to prove them wrong. Not the most mature thing, but I am a big proponent of "eyes on your on plate."

yeah Kittson I know what you mean by not wanting to hear from someone else how to behave with food I have had this problem many times before fortunately this time I didn't make a mistake thanks for commenting

I'm glad you are posting. We all see ourselves in others and relate to failures as well as successes. We learn. It is hard to be human sometimes. Am I right in saying you tend to be hard on yourself? I relate. Hubby says I am and I believe him, although it doesn't usually stop me from being so. I want to be more like hubby, He is such a wonderful person. Everyone loves him, they truely do. He is nonthreatening, lovable, easy going. He doesn't beat himself up like I do. He just enjoys life! What is that like??? I tend to be the opposite, intense, introspective, perfectionist. I hate that description. But it is what it is...we are not all the same. So, I think learning to accept ourselves, with all our warts, is important. My faith has taught me this. But, every now and then it pops it's ugly head up. Ebb and flow...it seems that is how it will be all our lives. So, one step at a time Abelincoln, one baby step.

yep. I have tried very hard not to be me sometimes it just catches up with you

I think it all goes back to childhood

so you're right you have to accept yourself

being a parent is very hard too because if you know how hard life was on you you worry about your kids just even that much more

as for living with the wife I love her and I don't want to get in her way or disrupt her perfect attitude but at the same time I get jealous and want attention and that destroys a lot of the goodness in her I need to keep from feeling this way and search for common ground I guess I'm running out of ideas here but I just need to take it easy more often than not and you're right we all need God in our lives

if I was perfect I wouldn't have anything to come on here and talk about but I'm not so you generally will probably have to hear from me at least once a month

Saw your reply. Ah, childhood. I know what you mean. I didn't have a great one. I went down that road for a lot of years, rehearsing, dredging up, blaming. I don't want to sound simplistic, because it can be very complicated, rather, I can make things complicated is more accurate. But, learning to forgive and let go of thinking people are suppose to be a certain way has really made a difference for me. I've learned all humans are humans, including me. And being human means we have all done wrong some time or another. Only God is perfect. I try to look at him instead of them and learn. Hope that helps a little.

I spent a long time worrying about it probably a couple years actually dealing with it now I don't have too much memory on most occasions which is sort of sad but when I do remember it it just gives me something to talk to God about ask for forgiveness or ask that he will help so my children aren't in the same positions I was or that at least they will have the strength to deal with it better I do not think he will abandon my children but I certainly agree you have to focus on to God's absolute good not the negatives of life. the world is ever becoming more crowded more polluted and more controversial so I try and keep a watchful eye but I feel my hands are tied behind my back most of the time

Minimum daily compliance with todos: 23 done/7 fail.
shovelglove: 14 done/7 fail. (i got wrapped up in personal junk and i've taken action to stop that from happening. like personal hobbies out of control.)
noS N days: i'm showing 15 done/2 fail/2 skip. i am sort of strict, not sure if that was what was happening, but mistakes are mistakes. and skipping 2 (i'm just not sure if my records are right i usually don't just skip it.)
sleep score: 6.13. again i've gone downhill this month on the sleep part. really there's been times where i struggle to hear my alarm and a few times i've woke up right after it goes. but i've yet to crack the 7 barrier. which is the least i'd ever want to have so i'm still in the dumps. i will explain, i have to have gotten up by the last song on my alarm to get a 7, first song is a 10. and anything else is a zero, and so on and so on. zeros really hurt.
no extra nap score: 16 done, 14 fail. not real good.

so there i put it up. wasn't going to. just figured why not, bare it all even if it's bad.

there's always next month.

we are doing some traveling this month, and our sons have soccer.

i hate to say it but it's already shaping up to be a bad month and it's going to get worse with wedding preparations for my wifes' sis.

we're talking all out blast wedding.

so there's 3-6 days right there not counting what we do from home for it.

"i think" it will be over afterward. i really don't know.

i really messed today up. i don't usually (say almost never) fail personally on an N day to the extent that i did today. i ate 2 big doughnuts left over from the weekend. as if this wasn't enough i was feeling under appreciated slept in the doghouse basically our basement (slept good though!).

and neglected most all my chores until late when i woke up and we're talking late. i missed my alarm this morning forgot to set it, then immediately the day went south. i've almost condoned mondays to being bad.

but i feel good now. not sure what to say. just needed a bad day i guess to make me realize how awful it can be being free of the structure i worked so hard to build.

i know it's just one day but i've felt that if you miss one it risks it all and really, was i asking that much of myself... NO i wasn't.

back on track today......

Glad things are looking up! Monday's make me grumpy too!

Linda

thursday was a bust I let the weather creep into my mind and depress me but it changed me for the better now I dress for the weather rather than just thinking shorts are ok so now I feel fine in the cold which is going to help me to comply with walking today I have already walked and done shovel glove so i feel fine

I have felt wobbly too lately. Ever since that tragic weigh in 3 weeks ago!! Ugh. But it looks like you are doing better with the good habits. Hopefully, the good ones will out do the bad. You are walking now? I didn't know that. That's terrific. Keep up the good work and try not to beat yourself up for those blue days. I think the weather definatly affects some of us. Me, for sure.

thanks yes I walk but only about 10 minutes a day

tuned out the alarm what does it take to wake up on a Monday?

I had a good day. but we had a dine out night at dairy queen, already the 4 of us spent $30 for this school event, and that was just for our meal. our kids then proceeded to have blizzards, and i thought, well this is a special occasion (not really i sort of dislike these events).

so just that thought that i was willing to turn it into an unplanned s day was enough to make me feel distraught.

then on the way out we had to take our kids to practice, and my wife and me were thinking of stopping at mcdonalds for ice cream and "make up for not getting blizzards ourselves", since it was busy there then.

but we saw our kids' friends parents training for a half marathon on the way home, still we were planning on making a special trip to mcdonalds for a mcflurry. but i said you know what, they are out there running and we are NOT getting mcflurries.

so, it really was a bummer to let myself "feel wobbly" as another poster on this board puts it.

glad i made the right decision. but sorry that i let myself agonize and wobble and really invade my sanctity of diet.

i must also confess that i had gotten hungry after my first part of my meal which basically was about one plate, virtual plated a couple fries off of my kids plates since they rarely finish.

so i already did the dumb thing there and was going to top it off with a mcflurry, but i didn't.

I just wanted to stop by and say congratulations on not ordering the McFlurry. That would have been incredibly tempting!! Even if you felt wobbly, you still made the choice that reinforces the habit. So great job on that!!

yes I would like to think I did something right sometimes when I come that close to selling out I feel like the devil already owns me

Ten minutes of walking is still ten minutes. That is a good start. And you refused a McFlurry??? Now that is an accomplishment. Really. Give yourself some credit Abelincoln. Just keep coming back and showing up. That is what I am doing. Ever since I started posting about my sleep problem I have felt more defeated. But reality is reality. Better to look it square in the face than be buried in self deception. Keep showing up.

thanks.. yep 10 is 10.

my wife wants to start walking at night.

might be going another 10.

last night we didnt get to begin, but as our house backs up to a walking track, I did mow us a path to it.

in the morning the hooligan kids are in school, and I walk in front of house.

but at night we are best to go where the nonexercising kids wont be.

also plan on taking the dogs. looking busy makes me feel less scrutinized, and being busy makes me think less about it.

I tried outsmarting myself again today thinking I could nap for 15 minutes to rest in the chair with my eyes shut well considering I don't start until 815 that would be okay but it just doesn't work that way because then you get so tired you want to go to sleep I just have to realize that no matter how tired I am I may as well walk first and then nap. do shovel glove and then if I need a 20 minute nap then I can do it plus I have to start my chores whenever I exercise first nap later I do fine whenever I nap first exercise later I fail no more outsmarting myself

today was bad all around. i woke up late, but only a few minutes.

i thought, well i should get my exercise and chores done first.

but instead i got myself interested in a personal project, which lead me to my dads house, which lead me to my grandmas house, and to a couple stores.

so instead of doing what i should have, i wasted time. i wasn't eating like a glutton just yet though, not till dinner. about this time i decided since i was drinking diet pop all day that indeed today was shaping up to be an unplanned s day. so dinner got a little bigger. maybe i can live within what i'm supposed to for diet wise after dinner.

anyway i think with all the things today it just got out of hand. normal delays turned into more anxiety than usual. plus my grandma was having hip surgery which sort of had me tied up for awhile. hope she's ok.

won't know till later tonight.

today I rolled back some changes normalize my morning routine so that I can maintain the old habits replace the new one

the old habits allowed a small nap, and when I had the nap, I was less tempted to drop good habits like exercise and chores

hope it works

i had a 2 day skid so now I have to reinforce the old habits

absolutely have to get on here to mention this one.

i woke shortly after bedtime to dogs barking (mine).

already pissed about breaking some rules earlier in the day, and some bad luck on purchases that we're sinking my spirits, and an argument with wife, i let myself eat some mac and cheese and grape juice in the middle of the night.

now what a crock, my worst behavior from old days crept up on me.

i made that decision and it was a poor one. so i wanted to throw up the red flags... not sure i've mentioned it to my wife yet.

but you better believe that's one habit i don't want to take hold. because sometimes i've been known to sleep eat, basically sort of quasi choosing to eat without much cognitive thought going on about it. and that just kills a diet.

abelincoln wrote:...my worst behavior from old days crept up on me.

Hi abelincoln- Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. One reversion to an old habit doesn't make it a habit again, but it could prove to be a slippery slope. You can nip it in the bud! Really be vigilant in the short term so it doesn't creep back in and take hold.
Did your grandmother have her hip surgery? How is she doing?

yes my grandmother had her surgery and seems to be doing fine as far as the habit I have only done it maybe 3 times since I started noS last year in July/august

I had a horrible weekend as far as self control.

we went to my wife's sister's wedding. it was nerve wracking for me.

day one ate lots, drank one beer (i don't drink much anymore).

day 2 ate even more, drank like 10-12 drinks it seemed like.

now with this excess came loose lips and numbness to customs.

meaning i spoke wildly and really made a fool of myself. bordering on rudeness come to think of it at times.

i really hate to say but my wife has cheated on me before and she was by appearance making the rounds a bit, and had gotten so drunk as to pee her pants and remove them under her bride's maid dress.

all this was done in a ride to the reception on a party bus which though i never wanted to be on it and wasn't, the sight of her having been on it and showing up plastered was just enough to make me mad.

then finding on her phone a bit of conversation that seemed inappropriate but in all likelihood it was more that i wasn't aware of it then the content of it that got me.

so when i came to her to see how drunk she was (she doesn't really usually drink either), i was told i could have as much as i wanted. truth be told a 2 glass, glass ceiling would have been what i wanted.

but anyway, this all was lethal. i know i bear my own responsibility, but i hate it when people think that they can make choices independent of me where they are stepping all over me

so i guess if i got drunk and was mean, maybe they'll think twice before setting the stage so properly. that and keeping my mouth half as wide as the groom and groomsmen seemed a priority as well.

to heck with nights like those. once in a lifetime. good riddance

Oh the woes of strong drink. Many of us have stumbled into regret with similiar stories. Sorry to hear about your week and I hope you and your wife are working things out. Sometimes those ruff experiences can be a turning point for change.

abelincoln wrote:truth be told a 2 glass, glass ceiling would have been what i wanted.

Hi abelincoln,
Wow that wedding sounds like a nightmare! I think stressful family weddings rank right up there with office parties as places to avoid having even one drink. One thing leads to another and it can so quickly get out of hand.
I hope you and your wife can talk things through. I also wish you the best for getting back on track with NoS and perhaps glass ceiling of 2 drinks.

yes we have talked things through. when she cheated on me 4 years back it wasn't because I was an angel so I want you to pardon her for that and we did talk things through so... I would have a glass ceiling of two glasses on occasions but for most part I would just have like a fruit juice I don't really need to drink can't really afford it and don't want it around my kids

anyway today should be a normal day

this time we had a good talk you know the kind where we cry anyways we have made it through so much and it seems we still have love each other

Excellent! Forgiveness is something we can all share for the mishaps that we all do. Good job working things out Abelincoln. Family is #1. Getting that right may give you the courage to work on your No S habits. Stay strong.

Yeah Lovedby2, sure hope so.

it really shook me up with all of this. and the problems you have don't go away either. still have the sleeping problem.

but i don't want to talk about that right now. just want to keep working on family like you said.

it may take me awhile to get back on my feet.

yesterday was ok, today wasn't so good.

some days i struggle to believe that all that i do matters. and as reinhard says one day probably doesn't matter. but you start missing days here and there and all the sudden your habitcal looks half and half. or worse.

so i don't know if i will do my monthly post this month. or i will do it in the middle of the month. i don't know. one way or the other, but for sure it was good to hear a kind voice telling me that it's ok to stumble as long as you plan on getting back up. (and doing it asap with a well thought out and good plan in place)

It will take time. Forgiveness is a choice. Feelings ebb and flow. Somedays our feelings change and we don't have to follow them over the cliff. We can still hurt and forgive. Forgiveness is not, not acknowledging the wrong but releasing that person from being punished. I hope I haven't over stepped the boudaries here. Wishing you well.

no that sounds fine I am able to forgive quite easily on the promise that the person will try to avoid circumstances in the future and do their best also I like to live in harmony that doesn't mean that I won't poke at her every now and then to test her attitude towards me and the subject but that's all fun and games.

have a nice weekend

ok and now that i think of it you are probably referring to the deeper issue.

that of the infidelity.

of course that's more tough to forgive. one can't go through life without occasionally feeling pains related to that.

the best you can do is make the highest level of commitment you've ever made before with respect to your partner.

of course when you do that you should expect in return, clarity, concern, love.

as long as my partner is willing to do that, after a long battle with forgiving initially, we can move past it.

it's her that won't set me free.. meaning she won't let me leave. i've suggested it before.

i guess there's a way. i think i was pushing her to the edge, and she didn't know what to do, and made a point of doing whatever she could to gain back what was taken from her.

now, she claims to love, and i have less reasons now to believe that she doesn't, because she's really opened up and allowed me in all areas.

there's still problems that seem to elude me.

i'm doing my best, and i hope she is too.

It sounds like you have great insight and are a devoted partner. That you can be proud of. Have a great week.

a great week would be very great thank you

I have implemented a rule, dont mess with personal things that cost money unless its before noon and doesnt interfere with exercise or chores.

so far when it goes good it feels great. but its tough to do, and when I mess up I feel terrible

the reason I do it is because I want to kill two birds with one stone one is I don't want to pay extra money by obsessing and the other reason is to give my family the attention they deserve when they come home from school and work

today, noS failure.

i had dinner when my wife wanted me to, slightly before she got home from work. there was a roast, and i said to her before as she came in, i took what i thought was enough but if there's leftovers i will eat them. a no no.

i thought i was ok with a virtual plate, but still, when you finish eating, and go back for more, that's enough for a failure.

i always try and just fill the plate, eat, call it good.

if i were doing this, what if i did it all the time. it would be a corruption of the diet and i'd always have problems.

i'm usually always pretty good diet wise. this really irritates me. i know i can't punish myself, but i need a good day to feel like i'm not letting myself slip.

my kids are starting a paper route today which means waking up at 245 in the morning so I will see how I will do with schedule conflicts

I am trying to do my best but my best just isn't very good today I slept again because I was bothered by something and I sort of have the attitude that at the end of the rainbow there is a pot of gold sounds pretty foolish when you're not putting in the work as you go oh yes I will put in the work when I get to the end of the rainbow that will be my pot of gold I guess I have a poor attitude

sort of doing pretend noS lately.

letting the 230 am paper route rule me for $2 an hour this month...

put in 30 day notice

Good choice. $2 an hour is not worth your good health. Or the kids' good health either.

I'm confident you'll find your groove again once you're back to a normal life schedule.

thanks for your support gp

I am very busy with an early paper route at 230 in the morning it takes away three or four hours of my sleep and I have an hour of work to do during the day related to it so I have let my noS habits slip now I am doing a form of noS not really a form of noS, but the 90 percent solution that Reinhard talks about and just avoiding snacks otherwise eating normally three meals a day if possible so anyways I wondered if anybody else does this the only reason I am doing it is because I feel pressured right now and I don't want to just do nothing

no snacks still beats everything allowed

Something is definitely better than nothing! Sometimes treading water is the best we can do.

yep. treading water sounds better than drowning.

thanks eschano and gp

Hey Abelincoln!! Wow, that is early. Interupted sleep always affects my eating. But you have to do what you have to do. I guess just do the best you can and try to get into some sort of routine.

LB2, you are right it has to be done not much way out of that the good thing is I have my wife to help me.

as soon as my kids get out of school they will help too theyve already helped on the weekends and do a pretty good job I'm really proud of them

talk with you later have a good day

I'm amazed almost a year into this i'm having to start from basically scratch. but then my schedule is changed so much i feel i have to.

reinhard: I think the two most fundamental elements of this scaffolding are sleeping and eating: go to bed and get up at the same time every day and eat regular predictable meals and you have a firm foundation on which to build other habits. I'm amazed at how many people don't even have these two basics down and are then surprised that they can't manage more sophisticated stuff

so i must say that this describes me....

i guess you just have to keep on going on no matter what your problems are. is there better ways to do things, probably... but i'm going to look up and use what i know to focus on those 2 things mainly, sleep, eat same times ect.

and my monthly resolution was to do what i needed to do for this "job" that i've undertaken with my kids to do a 2 am paper route.

i have a few other things i'm working on, mainly being a housemaid and mowing the lawn ect for now. of course i have other things that are nagging.

anyway, starting from scratch a bit.

this might? be a last post... ive started personal negative tracking. which was one of the reasons I came on to post

Hey Abelincoln. I've been off the grid for a while. I sure hope you aren't giving up. You can't. There is no other way. Habits are extremly hard to break. Just work on one at a time. The sleep thing is one of the hardest to break, especially if you don't have a reason to get up. Break the sleeping up into parts, like going to bed and getting up. Or, maybe cut out the naps first, but stay on the board.

funny you should say that about not giving up because I was just taking a walk and I told myself I will not give up I have some new plans for sleep I'm pretty sure I can make it work

oh now I see you want me to stay on the bulletin board didnt catch that the first time well I suppose I will track things maybe not every day or every week but every now and then

I guess I just got to the point where I knew I needed to use my brain a little more and simplify things so that I can comply better and then I would have less negativity to bring to this bulletin board

that's a nice feature to have not letting people quit I think I would have already quit if I didn't have people like that around me

You'll get there! Keep us up to date though, even if weekly/monthly!

sure thing...

Later

Glad to hear it Abelincoln. Don't worry what people think, just be real. As long as you are trying, that is what counts.

thanks LB2 I will keep that in mind