Everyday Systems

Hi all,

I'm not new - I was doing a daily check in last year but I forgot what my login was so I'm back!

My last one didn't go so well...had a bad couple weeks, fell off the wagon, had trouble getting back on. I basically got into the mindset of "Well, I screwed up the day...might as well go whole hog!" and just binged, instead of saying "oh, I ate cake...okay, well I'll go back on no-s for dinner" or something.

Binge eating has ended up taking over my life for the past few months. My dad passed away unexpectedly in April at age 57, and I basically coped by eating my body weight in pizza. I realized last week that I was 20 lbs heavier than I had been a year ago...it was a huge wake up call!

So, I'm back. I worked very hard to do a proper no-s day yesterday, and start my streak right, but ended up having dinner with friends with beer, snacking and seconds. So I figured that logging in and being accountable would help me stay on track. So - back to day 1 of my no-s streak. Glad to be back!

Good luck Holypotato! I'm sorry you've had to deal with the pain of your father passing.

Glad to have you back. Don't be too hard on yourself about the weight you gained when grieving. It's so hard when a beloved passes away and however we cope is fair game (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else).

Thank you, both. It means a lot. My dad was an awesome man, and I miss him a lot - but at least when I miss him I remember him, so that's a nice thing to have in the middle of all this terribleness. I just want to make sure that when I grieve I'm not hurting -myself- either! Sometimes binge eating can feel a little like self-harm; I'm doing something that I know will make me feel terrible, because feeling terrible and disgusted with myself is a little easier than feeling all the other feelings that are swirling around in my brain...

Sorry to go off topic! I never get to verbalize this stuff, I guess.

Yesterday was a success! Having this check in really helps. As I was leaving the gym I was soooo tempted to stop for pizza or chips or something, but I said "Nope, I can have them on the weekend, I've already eaten my three plates today - and I don't want my first day of the streak to be a failure! Can't drop out this time!"

So - bagel and banana for breakfast, quinoa salad for lunch, sandwich and soup for dinner. Not quite enough veggies (my lettuce rotted for my sandwich ), but felt wonderful this morning rather than heavy and bloated. I also had a really good workout yesterday, though I have to skip today (it's my friend's last day in the city and I'm going to her going-away party tonight - but I'm going to limit the booze and probably just have seltzer to avoid the inevitable post-alcohol "I'm so hungry!" feeling).

So, green.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's good that you've decided to take care of yourself rather than punishing yourself with food. Welcome back and best of luck.

holypotato wrote:So I figured that logging in and being accountable would help me stay on track.

Hi holypotato-
Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I lost mine a few years back and that first year is so hard. Somehow I figured I'd preceed my father, but nothing really prepared me for how hard that would be.
Good idea to get back in cotrol of the eating... it's OK to give in for a while, I think, but good to pull out and think of one's health again, as you are doing.

You're doing great holy potato !

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad way too early as well. It's so hard. Healing can take a long time so be kind to yourself. I couldn't even talk about my Dad for 10 yrs without crying.

I know the bingeing can feel self-destructive and it is in a way but I think it's really our misguided attempt at sef-care. You are trying to find comfort right now and that is a good instinct to have. I guess the key is to find more productive ways to comfort yourself.

I think the thing that really helped me finally give up emotional eating was giving myself permission to find alternative was of not dealing with my feelings. I was scared that if I gave up overeating I'd have to feel all these hugely difficult feelings. Once I told myself I could zone out on mindless TV or a light novel if I wasn't ready to deal with my feelings, I was ready to let go of this habit. Often I could deal with my feelings much better than I thought I could but other times just needed to put them on hold for a bit.

I think Nos is great way to take care of yourself during tough times. Giving yourself regular, delicious, nutritious meals that satisfy you but don't leave you stuffed is a great way to be kind to yourself.

*Big Hugs* keep up the good work and things will get better.

Linda

Thank you all, so so much. You all are so unbelievably kind. Thank you.

I was going to post an update (green day 2!), but reading these comments has left me just overwhelmed by your warmth and sympathy. Thank you all so much.

Yay for green day 2! This place is so wonderfully supportive & has definitely been a huge contributor to my success (still a way to go of course!).

Hope tomorrow's good & it's almost an S day--hooray!

Linda

Yay, you're right Linda, almost an S-Day! Woo hoo!

Yesterday was green as well. I was STARVING by the end of the day, though; I started taking beta blockers, which weirdly reduces and enhances my appetite (so I'm ravenous, but then I eat a bite or two and am full), so my last meal of the day ended up being small, then I worked out for two hours. A soy latte sorted me out pretty well, but I am looking forward to the weekend where I can do a little grazing before I'm back on track next week. Hopefully this is just an adjustment to the beta blockers, and I'll feel more normal in another few days.

Today is going to be a bit tricky, I can tell - my roommate and I are treating ourselves to a nice dinner, but our reservation isn't until 9:30pm tonight. So I'll probably have another soy latte (or two) between lunch and dinner so I'm not tempted to fall off the wagon and snack. If I'm successful today that's a 4-day streak! Woo hoo!!!! I feel so inordinately proud of myself for having the willpower to stick to this; I'm not very practiced at denying immediate pleasures, which has gotten me in a little trouble (the extra ten pounds I've put on this year, and my poor credit card statements from the impulse shopping I do).

Ugh, got sick (so grazed when I felt better) through Wednesday, then fell off the wagon

Starting over Monday! Well, dinner tonight - but then two s-days - so effectively monday!