Allisonmeg Checks in

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 1:22 pm

I had my oatmeal this morning after not having the last two days. I'm totally sick of it which sucks because it really helps me get through the morning. Hubby has lost at least 15 lbs since his physical. We have gotten rid of most all sweets and are eating much cleaner. I'm reading all about glycemic loads of foods, starches/white food. I've really noticed a lack of a sweet tooth. My k-cup lattes are now too sweet for me. Another thing I've noticed is my lack of drinking soda, but I don't know why. It's pretty much always been that I have to have a diet coke beside me at all times. So I don't know if that was a part of snacking, to always have something to put in my mouth at all times. It must be. I crack a soda as soon as I have my last cup of coffee, around 8:30 am. I haven't even thought of it until its time for lunch most days.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 1:53 pm

I haven't posted for a while but I have lost another pound. Finally puts me lower than that day I had to weigh in in front of that nursing class! Extremely bummed out but that helps me be more diligent. I actually feel little pangs of panic attacks that I haven't had in years. Unfortunately my brain is unable to let anything bad in. I have some kinds of automatic valve that won't let me delve into anything, even when I want to.
Anyway, no S is going fine. I would say it's finally become decently easy and even the weekend wasn't a big deal.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 11:38 pm

Have seen another pound gone. Only 3 more to go to get to my first and most important goal. Youngest had birthday today and wasn't a problem at all not to eat the cake. I haven't been eating oatmeal in the mornings lately but made it already tonight so that I will. I ate bread at last night's dinner which is also something I have been kind of starting to avoid. I actually felt bloated and indigestion-ish and burpy later on, but it was good going down! Hubby leaving on trip tomorrow so I won't get our daily date salad

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:23 pm

Well already I didn't eat my oatmeal for breakfast. Instead I had a cup of deluxe nuts just in case I decide to have a low carb kind of day. .5 drop on scale. Hubby left on trip, one kid needing rides tonight (to bar any thoughts of a third Friday night folly). Trying to not think about things because I want a happy Christmas.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:33 pm

You are doing awesome--great job!!

Linda

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Dec 20, 2015 12:06 pm

I am ready for my first true mod. I am taking Sunday out as an S day (Now its UNday lol).
I feel one cheat day is all I need to keep me here. I am going to try this out until the end of January and reevaluate if I need to tweak or go back vanilla. Unofficially I am adding NO STARCHES as an S but not as a red dot yet.
My goal is to be 135 by my physical in March.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:20 am

Well Sunday didn't work out the first time around. I had a very small sugar-free vanilla ice cream cone after dinner. Was fixing 3 for the boys and just decided to try it. I didn't enjoy it because I was already stressing whether this would be yellow or red. Anyway today was hard not to snack but made it through. Still ignoring old issues confessed to me through Christmas.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Dec 22, 2015 8:54 pm

Tuesday and randomly, a banana nut muffin did me in.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Dec 27, 2015 3:09 pm

Its Sunday, two days after Christmas, so I'm just going to hit the highlights. Hubby and I went out Christmas Eve, ate spritz cookies he just made right before we left. Had a great time, never ate more than that. Drank amount that was good fun and didn't leave me hung over on Christmas, and amazingly stayed very happy. I was nervous I might start bringing the issues up of last time we went out.
Ate everything I was making for Christmas dinner AND still ate the dinner but not the dessert. However, even though it was an S special day, I made up for it yesterday (Saturday) and had a perfect no-s green day. I'm staying green for today too just because last week had an extra yellow and one or two reds.
Now the other thing, I got this really nice nice scale for Christmas. Sadly it weighs in 4 pounds heavier than my old scale so that is totally rude! It feels like I actually gained four pounds. And more rudely is getting on the day after a party night--scale fluctuated 8 pounds!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Dec 28, 2015 4:03 pm

I had nuts late on Sunday night, but rather than call it a super early breakfast on Monday I'll just keep Sunday yellow. I have to get back with it this week. I am way back in snacky mode.

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Mon Dec 28, 2015 5:37 pm

I've found the Xmas habit of 'snacking' to be the hardest thing to avoid doing today - my first day back on the No S habits. I caught myself putting my hand in the bowl of salted nuts this morning as I boiled the kettle for coffee. I stopped immediately! I've got through the day with only three meals, No Sweets, No Snacks, No Seconds. Tomorrow will be easier still!

Good luck!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Jan 03, 2016 7:55 pm

I have been very good lately...finally the holidays are over! I started back working out on the first and I downloaded an app (called 7) to track both working out and my No S. I've got part of my yearly exam earlier this year on January 11th, so I won't make my original goal. I was 150 on doctor scale in March last year. I would be thrilled if I could be 140 by my February visit, but am still trying to get close to that for the appt. next week. { Have mammogram coming up in 3 days, Mirena coming out 11th, pap 2/17}

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Jan 10, 2016 11:32 pm

Well that sore subject was finally approached and resolved this week. That I guess is what has led to this Sunday being some kind of freak out S mania day. I absolutely can't seem to stop stuffing my face with everything I see. And tomorrow is dr. weigh-in so maybe I'm self-sabotaging. I'm not sure. Now I'm stressing that I won't be able to get back on the wagon Monday. I'm not even sure everything is resolved. ok will be back Monday

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sat Jan 16, 2016 11:44 am

My daughter tried to kill herself Sunday night. In the ER, it was discovered she has been cutting herself for months. She is still in hospital and they think she will be released Wednesday, so 10.5 days total. I'm scared of her coming home as well. Found her journal 2 nights ago which was horrible to know her pain and read her good-byes. Anyway I haven't been on in a while because it seemed to trivial for me to be worrying about my diet. However it is one aspect in my life that I feel a little control over and I think helps me cope day to day and I don't think this is a time to abandon that. I'm going to try to eat 3 meals today. I've varied from nothing to stuffing my face lately and I hope this will give me some kind of routine back. I will try to write here too as kind of a journal.

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Sat Jan 16, 2016 3:02 pm

Oh, I am so sorry for what your family is going through and certainly have offered up prayers for your daughter and all of you.

Yes, this is a great place to just journal your thoughts. I have posted a lot about my husband when he was so ill and going through his amputation(s) - lower left leg which became upper left leg 11 days later followed by 129 days in the hospital. This was a great place to come to read and post so I hope you continue to do so.

Again, my very best thoughts to you and yours. You take good care of yourself, okay?

ETA, Was doing some thinking about you and wanted to add - yes, having some control in your life at this time when so much is out of your control, is a very good thing. I stayed at the hospital the whole time my husband was there so my food choices were a bit limited but I walked, walked, walked, climbed up and down stairs, etc. to keep up my exercise as that WAS something I could control. I know exactly what you mean.

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Jan 16, 2016 4:41 pm

Hi Allisonmeg, Thanks for sharing about what's going on in your life/family.
I hope NoS can be one of those constants in your life when other things feel so beyond your control.
I wish you all the best as you try to help your daughter and work through what this means in your family life. I know this is a very hard time. This can be a supportive community, I hope you feel how we would like to be helpful in being here for you as much as the medium allows.
I don't know what your beliefs are, but I wish you God's strength and comfort right now.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 1:36 pm

Thank you very very much for your support. It's so hard to be normal for the rest of the family too. My emotions are all over the place. My husband and I go between love to blame, hugging to fighting. I keep not paying attention to the other kids because all I can do is research on the computer constantly. She gets out tomorrow. I'm going to a support group Thursday night, but it's not a thing I usually do, so I have to keep talking myself into it. She's got her first therapist visit Thursday morning. I just don't know how any of us are going to sleep Wednesday night. Her journal had such graphic, yet matter-of-a-fact ways to kill herself. And I've noticed over the last couple of days, it's like I've focused on the cutting and almost "forgotten" about the attempted suicide like it didn't happen. Anyway Im rambling so let me tend to the little one begging for breakfast!

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 1:52 pm

Oh man. I just saw this.

I am so sorry you're going through this. Yes, sometimes routines can be helpful in times of stress, and that's not a bad thing.

FWIW, if I know of many people who really find a lot of help in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness. Not just your daughter, but you and your family, too. 'Cause holy crap, this really is intense stuff you're all coping with.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Thu Jan 21, 2016 1:36 am

Oh Noel, thank you! We are beginning DBT which is a branch off of CBT that specializes in what she's going through. She goes first thing in the morning. We got through this first day really well. I of course just completely binged the second she went to bed. I have to go but I feel hopeful anyway.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:00 am

oh dear I am so so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Having two daughters of my own, it brought tears to my eyes to think of the pain your family is going through. Wishing for strength for all of you during this tough time. *HUGS*

linda

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sat Jan 30, 2016 7:56 pm

Thank you so much Linda.
We have gotten through this first week at home. Definitely had its ups and downs. So what I have managed in the No S department this week is having 2 S days and 5 no S days, just not actually on Sa/Su. I also did the same for working out.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sun Jan 31, 2016 4:20 am

Hang in there. I'm sure things will get better. Great job with NoS. Let that be your sanity and the thing you do for yourself so you can stay strong for everyone else.

Linda

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Sun Jan 31, 2016 8:12 am

Hi, I don't have anything helpful to say, but I want to let you know that I'm reading, and sending you supportive vibes - I can't imagine what it feels like to know that your child is hurting so much.
hugs x

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Wed Feb 03, 2016 11:38 pm

Thank you everybody. It's great that I have your support. It's been a better week for everyone. It's just hard to think about anything else, but I'm trying. We went to the animal shelter to visit one particular dog four times now. So we're going to sleep on it one more night before we decide.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Feb 08, 2016 10:40 pm

Saturday was 4 months since I began No-S. Starting Sunday I'm back on track, ready to focus, and vanilla all the way. My weigh-in at the Dr. is next Wednesday. No more animal crackers "with" my meal and no more finishing bowls of kids' cereal for breakfast.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 3:20 pm

I'm starting this week anew. I have just been on a downward spiral. The scale is slowly moving back up, 146 this morning. It's time to get down to business. My mess up seems to be when I eat a snacky kind of dinner before I feed the rest of the family. I then start sampling what I made them, and then because I created a fuzzy red dot, I just continue to snack on actual junk food for the next hour just to nail that red dot in. I am sure that not writing on here each day is a big reason things are going this way. When I start off the morning with No S on my mind, I usually succeed.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:42 pm

I've been out of your loop; hope it's okay to jump in.

We found out this past year that my grand niece had been having terrible depression and anxiety for years. It was heartbreaking to hear how unloved she felt when we thought she was the cat's pajamas and thought she knew! A friend of hers at college urged her to get help and she is much better now.

I am taking support classes in DBT now at the ripe old age of 62. I don't have an official therapist for it, but am getting secure attachment therapy as well. I've done a lot of reading on CBT on my own, and tons of meditation, meds for depression and anxiety and too much else to count, but this focus is a very good refinement and slant on things. I think it's great that your daughter is getting help NOW.

I also want to reinforce the idea in you that eating according to No S can be a great comfort. I can tell you from the other side that eating sanely is a great balance to emotional turmoil. Ironically, it does "feel" better to give in because food delivers the drug, but it's absolutely worth the discomfort to tolerate the desire without getting the relief. I've NEVER been sorry I held out, even when it was uncomfortable.

But I had wild S days for a lot longer than you've been doing No S. N days kept me going.

Please also keep in perspective that your weight "problems" are minor, no? It is part of the pathology to see the issue as catastrophic when it's really not. There are people who would give their right arm to weigh what you weigh.

Love love love to you!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:11 pm

oolala53, I appreciate so much your jumping in. I've read your post 4 or 5 times now! I relate so well to what you've said. My daughter sounds much like your niece. She's an overachiever, just turned 16 but in early college and actually graduating this year and starting college this fall. She so quiet and such a good student and kid. We just got called into her school this week because she wrote an essay about a bullied kid who kills his classmates. Totally unlike her. It's like I have no idea who she actually is.
I haven't written on here all my food issues, but I've had bouts of anorexia, bulimia, overexercising, chewing and spitting food out compulsively, uncontrollably eating, etc. Until I really starting giving into No S I counted my calories obsessively for years. So now, in times of turmoil I can feel myself reverting to old ways. This past week I had a sweets binge like I haven't had in many years. And the last thing I want at this point is to lose control when I really need to hold things together.
Anyway today is my first day of my rededication to NO S. I ate exactly how I should this morning, put down a leftover piece of raisin toast that I had almost at my mouth. Today will be a good day.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:24 pm

Monday was a success. Probably way too many calories, but absolutely no cheats. Just had nuts for breakfast.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:51 pm

Messed up Tuesday at dinner. I definitely need to plan better. Same old story of eating before the real dinner and then sampling.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:01 pm

It's Wednesday, and I had a bagel for breakfast. Usually have a low carb bar. Scale is somehow doing well. I've kept my working out going since January 1st and finished first period in four years (had iud removed 2 weeks ago). So maybe that messed me up a bit this past week. My goal today is to NOT eat dinner TWICE!!!!

Queenie · Post by **Queenie** » Thu Mar 03, 2016 6:09 am

Good to see you checking in here frequently. Hope dinner went well for Wednesday.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sat Mar 05, 2016 12:44 pm

Its Saturday, so I had half of a Krispy Kreme donut and balanced it with a handful of nuts. My goal is to have one or two S events today but keep my meals up. I did well the rest of the week. We're flying my daughter out to a residential treatment facility, but we have a 6 week wait. Coordinating it all and between doctors, getting records, insurance, etc. made me feel in control, which in part made No S easier the last two days.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:34 pm

Good No S kind of weekend. Had sweets but didn't go over the top. Had small breakfast and lunch at Saladworks today (Monday).

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:50 pm

Allisonmeg wrote:Had small breakfast and lunch at Saladworks today (Monday).

Sounds like a good way to start off the week!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Mar 14, 2016 8:20 pm

Last week was a pretty good No S kind of week. Sunday was a little high on the snacking and today (Monday) was good until dinner when I had to try a bite of the pizza crescent ring I made. Boo!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:37 pm

I don't know what is happening this week but I have eaten horribly for the last two days. Today especially. Once I cheated I went all out and have eaten everything in sight. Rice Krispy treats I made was the trigger.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:07 pm

Hope you recovered. I know it may sound outlandish, but I finally accepted that I could not bake sweets, at least not anything that would have leftovers or not be consumed with others soon after making them, at home anymore. Now, I mostly cook for myself, so it's easier, but I swear, life has been better since I made that decision. Those pattersn from previous experiences are so strong! And I determined that I would use my desire to cook to learn to make other things.

Or, you might want to consider at least a temporary moratorium on making high-risk baked goods. You can splurge on bought desserts or have them out or whatever temporarily. It's not a sign of weakness. It's just being practical. Some people have an easy time with this; others here after years still keep WTH foods out of the house. Let yourself off the hook.

And know that it's an illusion that it might mean you are missing out on some terribly important experience of pleasure. It's a relief to find out there's plenty of pleasure in then thar hills!

chilipepper130 · Post by **chilipepper130** » Tue Mar 29, 2016 3:30 pm

I'm banned from baking too for a while. It's too tempting.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Sun Apr 17, 2016 12:01 pm

Hello strangers! Well I'm back and ready to get back at this. I got my daughter in early at the residential treatment. She's got two weeks left, possibly more. I'm planning to post all week. It always helps when I start the day off with a reminder to No S!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:45 pm

Sounds good. Since we don't live in a culture that supports moderation, it helps to have our tribe.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Apr 18, 2016 2:24 am

Great news about your daughter. I find daily check-in very helpful to staying on track. Plus it's kind of therapeutic. 👍

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Apr 18, 2016 2:17 pm

Good morning! Wow I am having a harder time today than I expected. My snack urges are on high alert. But I'm holding out for Saladworks for lunch. In these last few weeks I eat nuts all the time, which has not helped in the snacking department. Even though I make them my meal, it's still snacky and hard not to go back for seconds. I'm also having trouble with making ice cream cones for my kids and not having bites out of the container and eating their leftover cones. Those are my two areas to focus on the next few days.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Apr 18, 2016 2:31 pm

Good job narrowing down the hazards.

Just imagine some svelte relaxed cheerful French woman eating her children's leftovers... no, no, it's just not done!

We're on your side!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 6:52 pm

It's been a decent No S kind of week, not great. Daughter not doing so well and has been sent to hospital for a week FROM the residential place. Didn't even think things could go lower. Anyway it's just very tense.

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Apr 23, 2016 2:22 am

Sorry to hear that. Hope things turn around for your daughter soon!
Hugs.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:37 pm

Hugs!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:05 pm

Thanks guys! Today has been a nice strong No S Monday, just the kind I need to start the week off.

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Mon Apr 25, 2016 8:24 pm

Congratulations on your calm oasis of a No S Monday - looking after yourself is the best way of staying sane through this distressing period with you daughter. Much love coming your way xxx

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Apr 25, 2016 11:00 pm

I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. I hope things turn around for you and your family soon.

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Apr 26, 2016 10:42 am

Thank you again everyone. It's Tuesday and I'm ready to start this day!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Tue Apr 26, 2016 11:31 am

Wishing you a great Tuesday!

Everyday Systems

Allisonmeg Checks in

12/20 FIRST MOD

Starting Anew

March No S