Permasnacking Binge Log

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:02 am

Okay. I thought about putting this on my HabitCal, but I decided it's going to be a journey to figure out my own personal definition of bingeing. And then attempting to stop it. Those of you reading because you have binge eating related issues, I highly recommend Brain Over Binge. I'm currently reading it.

Oct 31- focused on three meals even though this is an S Day. I have found permasnacking does something to my brain and I go on binges. I had not started the book yet. I did snack on candy that night, but I don't beat myself up for much on S days. Still a win compared to other weekends. Of note, my meals were enormous, so even though I didn't do a day long binge, it was way more food than I need in one sitting. I's a structured mini binge better than a huge day long one? Probably not, but creating the habit of the meals on an S day is a start for me. I honestly think snacking, for me, is silly and unneeded. I'd like to cut it out of my life in general. I'm on my way.

Nov 1- started the book, had some ah hah moments. I changed my s days to Friday nights and Saturday. I did this because I wanted to practice the no s habit when I'm not at work. So I had my three meals. I noticed that since I ate a real breakfast, the animal that makes me want to binge didn't roar. Hmm. I figured out that maybe having only coffee with protein powder in it for breakfast was too restrictive and causing my brain to want to eat and eat. I made the decision that I would have more than protein coffee for breakfast.

Nov 2 - ate a real skillet breakfast. Felt great all day!! Tired at the end of the day, slept 9 hours.

Nov 3- in a rush so had Mac nuts for breakfast. Hungry by lunch. Too hungry. Maybe I should have put protein in the coffee, too. Oh well. I made it! I felt gross all day and bloated. I usually spend all week eating small to make up for the weekend. The animal brain was tempting me to just throw in the towel, I already screwed up. I acknowledged it, and walked away. Once the urge passed, I thought: I may feel fat now, but once I conquer binging, I won't. I won't have to fight this fight anymore... the one I've been fighting 25 years.
Also, I was tired at the end of the day. I slept 10 hours. (My job is really stressful.)

Nov 4- Mac nuts and cucumber and ranch for breakfast... it lasted me to lunch. Rest off the day went fine. I'm feeling really bloated though and I have no clue why.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:05 am

Nov 5- had cucumbers with my protein coffee. Worked! Lunch and dinner was perfect. Got a wave to get garbage at work because the high stress but I acknowledged it and treated it like an error message and went about my day. Tomorrow is my s day and I thought about all the junk I can shovel in and then I thought.... that's an error message. And then I got a little repulsed. Instead, I'm going to go out to eat with my husband and enjoy his birthday. Also, I am still very fat and bloated feeling from not restricting.

I hope it goes away soon.

gingerpie · Post by **gingerpie** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:05 am

You're doing great taco! It's a hard thing to Chang but you are on your way.

The bloating might be caused by what you're eating not necessarily how much. I Know some foods bother me a lot more than others. Just something to keep in mind . . . Hope you feel better soon.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:36 am

I think I'm just feeling bloated because I usually restrict myself and my carbs... So since I'm eating a tad more carbs, the water is staying. Which is fine because the water debloat is really a false weight loss... But I'm going to keep that in mind about the foods... Not much has changed except the morning meals. It's like my gut is saying... Hey! What is this food you're giving me in the morning?! Lol!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sat Nov 07, 2015 10:13 am

Nov 6- s day. I had some peppers and cheese with protein coffee and was starving before lunch. I did have a small brownie, then I made it to lunch. Ate lunch, allowed myself a few candy corns. Then I didn't plan well because lunch was at 1230 but I had to set up for a craft show so I wouldn't have dinner until 7ish. This is why I picked this day to be an s day in advance. I knew it would be nuts. I had a snack when I got home.... some cheese, nuts, meat. Then celebrated my husband's bday and I got an Italian beef and had some nachos. I stopped way before I stuffed myself... for once I was somewhat mindful and didn't just east to eat. However, I did eat a pint of so so ice cream. It wasn't worth it. It could have been better, but it could have been worse, so I call it a win. I have one more s day... not sure if I'll do it today during the craft show or tomorrow... I kinda have no want to do it at all. Which feels amazing. Not wanting to eat crappy... Wow. Today I work w out relief for 10 hours... should be interesting.

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Nov 07, 2015 10:33 am

tacodiscos wrote:This is why I picked this day to be an s day in advance.

Proactive choosing of S days can be a very wise thing!!

gingerpie · Post by **gingerpie** » Sat Nov 07, 2015 11:49 am

Congratulations! It sounds like you're doing better. Nice

it is amazing when you realize the way this works isn't it?

Enjoy your craft show. What sort of craft to you do?

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:18 pm

Thanks to all of you for the support!

Saturday worked out well. I had breakfast, and then my hubby brought me a healthy lunch. But since it was an S day I opted for pizza and junk for dinner. Even though I ate less that I usually do, I paid for it Sunday. Sunday I did 3 meals, no worries. Even walked for an hour.

Rented the Beck Diet Solution... going to work through the steps, in addition to keep reading Brain Over Binge.

Had breakfast this morning and was starving at 9:30, 4 hours later. Ignored it and it's quieted down, but I am SO ready for lunch! Ha!

Allisonmeg · Post by **Allisonmeg** » Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:04 pm

I am going to check your book suggestion out today. Thanks for the posts--I read yours each day to help me get through the day. You are doing so great!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:04 am

Yay! So glad they help!! I've been mia because I've been busy but happy to report that all is well!!! Eating three meals... going through the Beck Diet Solution book, still going through Brain Over Binge.

Saturday is tres leches cake and Lou malnati's pizza... I am going to rewatch that one video on YouTube where Beck deals with the girl about Thanksgiving. ( easily searchable) and although I'm having an s day, I'm going to come up with a plan to not binge!! I'm actually pumped to try it out.... also, I'm about to weigh in and I have a feeling this week went well!!

Woo hoo!! I'll report how the weekend went!

gingerpie · Post by **gingerpie** » Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:56 am

Sounds like your doing great and that you have found the right path for you! Congratulations.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Nov 13, 2015 5:03 pm

Doing great! Btw, I think I'm following you on IG!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sat Nov 14, 2015 2:16 am

Yes!! I think I followed you back!! I love IG

By the way all... scale was 168.5. Lowest yet!!

lpearlmom wrote:Doing great! Btw, I think I'm following you on IG!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:51 am

Wow!! Best s day yet!!

Breakfast was normal except I added in a low carb flax muffin with a little honey. Lunch was normal except I added a handful of chips and two mini almond butter cups. Dinner was for my husband's birthday, so I made a beck diet plan... no food after dinner!!! I did it and it was easy. Ate 3 deep dish pizza slices and a piece of tres leeches cake and two mini cookies... like everyone else... and didn't think about food at all. I pre made a plan with leftovers even!!

I'm learning so much!!

Today is also an s day... and i don't even really want junk. I actually am craving my regular breakfast! Habit makes permanent!

I really feel like I'm going to do great this thanksgiving!

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:06 am

Nice work!! I love your comment about eating what other people do - I bet lots of people who generally eat healthily and don't struggle with their weight/dieting would go out for a birthday meal, have a special meal and a dessert and then go home and not eat anything else.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 2:56 pm

Not eating again after an eating event felt so weird at first! Then I realized, this is how it's supposed to be! I gently recommend recalling the good feeling and revelling in it. Just like ignoring, it's a good counter to the neurological junk.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:40 am

Weekend was great! I had a plan for the birthday dinner and followed it... then we ate leftovers at each meal Sunday. No snacking! I didn't feel we'll Monday because of the s day Sunday... I notice that I get sick feeling after eating s day foods sometimes.... I didn't get a lot if sleep this weekend either... so last night I went to bed early. Hope today feels better, ha ha!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:43 am

Yes to the not eat anything else after a meal.... it's huge for me. I realized that it's just how I used to respond to anxiety but now I have control and can respond and train myself to respond in a different way. Goodness if I would have eaten after dinner I would have really been stuffed... I'm starting to not like that feeling... a feeling I used to love! I'm startng to not like it at all... even on s days.

I'm really excited to practice during thanksgiving soon!!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed Nov 18, 2015 1:10 pm

...everything is going well. Reflecting on Saturday and Sunday.... I think I still overate. Don't get me wrong, BIG CREDIT is due for what I did.... but I think in the future, I won't plan such LARGE portions of leftovers and/or I will have a few non-s day meals during my S day. I did on Saturday, but not on Sunday. It's leaving me still bloated in the middle of the week...

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:58 am

...still good. Finished both books. Going back over the Beck Diet Solution one more time. Coming up with a plan for Saturday and Sunday. Right now I am planning my splurge breakfast (my husband makes great pumpkin pancakes), Mexican for one dinner, and Friendsgiving for another. The rest of my meals will be totally normal like the rest of the week.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:13 am

.... going great! Time to update my weight! The scale went down again!

gingerpie · Post by **gingerpie** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 12:45 pm

👍way to go!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:04 am

gingerpie wrote:👍way to go!

Thank you!! Saturday was great! I had my normal breakfast and lunch, but allowed myself two small pb cups at lunch. Dinner was Mexican food and then my husband and I made a small batch of cookies and had them. I was overly full, so next time I know what not to order from the Mexican place. Eventually I will figure out how to have a splurge meal and eat just enough so I'm not overly full! Oh, one set back... I had one small square of chocolate with pb on it for no reason after dinner. But for now this is way better than what I was doing before.

Today's plan is same breakfast and lunch, but then we have a friendsgiving tonight and my plan is two plates, no more, no choice.

Next week is thanksgiving, and we have family in town. Thursday will certainly be an s day. As well as Friday. However, I see no reason to have an s day on Saturday or Sunday. So we will see.

Thanks for all the support guys! Just started reading the diet trap solution by Becks daughter! So far, so good!

Skelton · Post by **Skelton** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:36 pm

hi taco!
I just read a post of yours on another thread where you refer to your daily check in thread, so just letting you know I'll be here reading along. I lurk much more than post, but I'm cheering you on from the sidelines.
you're doing great !

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:40 pm

Skelton wrote:hi taco!
I just read a post of yours on another thread where you refer to your daily check in thread, so just letting you know I'll be here reading along. I lurk much more than post, but I'm cheering you on from the sidelines.
you're doing great !

This means more to me than you know!! Thank you!!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 4:51 pm

Still going well! Even with my splurges I am still in the 160s. I have not been in this range all year.... finally!

White knuckling a little today.... last day at work before T-giving and there is food EVERYWHERE!!! But I am holding strong.

The #1 thing that has helped me is making sure I eat three normal meals... I really think that lack of a breakfast was setting me up to binge. I usually don't feel like anything is a struggle when I have three real meals to look forward to. Goodbye protein drinks forever as a meal replacement!

Happy turkey day! Going to try to make Thurs and Fri my S day and try to reel it in Sat and Sun! Wish me luck!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Mon Nov 30, 2015 3:49 pm

Welp, I did GREAT.... until Thanksgiving. I let myself be free and I stuffed myself Thursday evening. No sweat. I had plans for Friday. Well, my parents were there and wanted everything that I didn't want to eat... so I ate crazp all day again. So Saturday I tried to pull in the reigns, but I didn't. I ate crap again. However, Sunday was perfection and went great. I am not hating myself about it.... I had 3 s days, no biggie. It was the holidays. I could have done 4 S days or 5 S days like I ALWAYS have in the past, and I didn't. So it's a win for me.

Back to it!

Anyone else get digestive issues when they have the sweets on the S days? I am still getting horrible issues on those days -- bingeing or not bingeing. But then some days I don't. I don't get it.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 10:09 am

I noticed that if I don't actually write down my food or food plan, I eat a smidge more. Sunday was terrible. I ate everything in sight. I also had no written plan! Went back to reading the diet trap solution book. It helps to read that stuff over and over. This Saturday my friend is taking me to breakfast for my bday and then later that night we have my family dinner for my bday. I know exactly what I'm eating and past that amount, I give myself NO CHOICE.

Not going to be able to go to my workout classes really this week because of the million things going on. Tonight I have the dentist, but I'm going to make myself hit the elliptical for a half hour at least. Or 14 mins, lol!

Next week is just as crazy and I have people taking me out during the week for my bday, so I'll need to be ready... Sunday I don't have anything planned, so I may not have an S day in preparation to have one when my friends take me out. Good news is my bday dinner Saturday, I got to pick everything my husband is cooking, and it's all pretty healthy, so leftovers will be easy... just won't be able to have more cake, haha!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 10:00 am

Still here. Got sick this week and didn't binge or even eat carby stuff. Although last weekend was bad. My birthday and the holidays are no excuse but for the first time ever, I have not thrown in the towel. I have done an excellent job holding it to weekends. That's huge, and I deserve credit. A friend of mine said she isn't going to care the next two weeks and I thought... wow, I always was like that during this time of year and the thought didn't even enter my mind this time!!!! I'm getting better!

Looks like this weekend there are no parties or anything planned, so I'm not taking them as s days unless I really want to. I'd rather splurge when we do our million other events for the holidays.

Although I think today or tomorrow I may be getting a bday party at work, so we will see!

Giada · Post by **Giada** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 11:47 am

tacodiscos wrote:My birthday and the holidays are no excuse but for the first time ever, I have not thrown in the towel. I have done an excellent job holding it to weekends. That's huge, and I deserve credit. !

TD, great for giving yourself credit when you deserve it - most, if not all, of us are sometimes so hard on ourselves that we overlook our achievements and don't give ourselves a pat on the back.

I like to keep my options open on S days, but if nothing appeals to me, I'm happy with an N-day-like S day. Often, simply knowing that I can splurge if I want to is enough to keep me from doing so. Does it make any sense?

Hope you feel better soon.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:12 pm

It totally makes sense! Funny how I went from DYING for my s days so I could binge to now being like... meh.... do I really want one today? It's working!! Seriously, the last 6 months have been such a great journey!

Giada wrote:
tacodiscos wrote:My birthday and the holidays are no excuse but for the first time ever, I have not thrown in the towel. I have done an excellent job holding it to weekends. That's huge, and I deserve credit. !
TD, great for giving yourself credit when you deserve it - most, if not all, of us are sometimes so hard on ourselves that we overlook our achievements and don't give ourselves a pat on the back.

I like to keep my options open on S days, but if nothing appeals to me, I'm happy with an N-day-like S day. Often, simply knowing that I can splurge if I want to is enough to keep me from doing so. Does it make any sense?

Hope you feel better soon.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sun Dec 20, 2015 3:17 pm

Oh em gee. Been sick for days!!! Alternating from not being able to eat and then boom starvation sets in and I want to eat everything. Been doing okay though. Friday ate some junk. None yesterday. Moms house tomorrow, so it's an s day... going this sickness leaves soon....

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 12:48 pm

....so I got so sick I went to the doc... they did all kinds of tests... basically it's a virus I guess. Yesterday was day 9... and finally I had one good day. Today, I'm having trouble. They have me eating starch constantly... so my diet is a bust. Today is my birthday and I don't think I can eat anything that I want... so sad. I had two pieces of candy last night and this morning was I was reverting back to being sick. Ugggghhh. Yellow sick days galore...

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Mon Jan 04, 2016 10:29 am

So I went off the charts the rest of break. I ate way too much, and at first it felt wrong. But then I did it. I was depressed about being sick during my birthday and holidays, then my husband got it. I know they're all excuses, but my head was in the clouds. Break plus depression was not a good mix. My husband is usually a help but since his break was shot and he got sick, too... it just was a bust.

I'm back!! I'm going to commit to finishing the diet trap solution... and I'm a part of a fun group and I have a workout set I can't wait to do on DVD! I'm ready for sane eating. I know I may need an extra push to get the habit back so I made goals and assigned rewards. Just two goals that I think I can get done within a month for sure! If it takes me longer, that's okay too!

Here's hoping the habit comes back quick!

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Mon Jan 04, 2016 12:04 pm

So sorry you were so ill over the holidays AND your birthday

Glad you are feeling better and you sound very motivated to get back on track !! You can do it, I am sure

And let me wish you a belated Happy Birthday!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Sun Jan 10, 2016 9:12 pm

Thank you!!

All is perfect right now!! I even set a goal to only have one s day a week for four week straight to see if I can do it. Tied it to a reward ... I love art supplies... ha!! Tomorrow is my s day because I give blood so I'll need to snack.

I've also worked out 6 times this week. No binges!! Life is good!!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:20 pm

The last two weeks I have had ONE s day each week!! It's hard to schedule it right, but I have been doing great. The last S day I did my three meals, no snacks. The previous S week I binged a bit. Not horrible like in the past, but not great either.

I'm really learning that food doesn't need to be the solution to my life. WOOT!

drscottie · Post by **drscottie** » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:11 pm

How do you find having only one S day? I do that too and once I go back into the habit, I find it easier to do than two. The habit is more contained for me.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:15 pm

drscottie wrote:How do you find having only one S day? I do that too and once I go back into the habit, I find it easier to do than two. The habit is more contained for me.

Yes!!! I savour that day and it's enough! Way easier emotionally for me than two!

drscottie · Post by **drscottie** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:58 am

I'm the same - it just feels like a special day and it is easier for me to reset back to three meals on a Sunday. It makes it clear that eating meals is the norm and eating sweets is the exception.

Hope you had an enjoyable S day!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:25 pm

So my one day that was an S day last week was not kept to three meals. Mainly because it was chaos. But I knew that ahead of time. I did eat a lot, but that's okay. I am feeling good about the one day a week. I keep working out at least 30 mins 5 times a week... My weight may be a bit stable, but my self esteem has skyrocketed and I worry less and less about food. It's amazing. Never felt this way before.

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Mon Feb 01, 2016 6:21 pm

Doing great! I am back to my pre-thanksgiving weight. Woo hoo! Seems like the one cheat day is going well. Amazing how awful I feel the next day physically. My body doesn't process cheats really well. Wow.

I've been working out a lot. So I know the current weight is me with muscle put on, too. Yay!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Mon Feb 01, 2016 6:22 pm

And also, I did Breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. Ate waaaaaay too much for dinner and ate after people left - but overall, better!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Tue Feb 09, 2016 12:26 am

Down 2 more lbs. holding tight to one no s day a week. It's easy now. I remember when it was so hard. Glad I figured out out. However, out of town this weekend. Gotta figure out the plan and write it down. I'll probably have 2 s days this weekend. But that's ok

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Feb 10, 2016 5:20 am

You are doing great! Not sure I could handle just one S day but it's a tempting idea!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed Feb 10, 2016 4:35 pm

lpearlmom wrote:You are doing great! Not sure I could handle just one S day but it's a tempting idea!

Oh man.... even with one day, I pack it in!! I do sturggle with not going full throttle because I am only doing that one day... some are better than others. It is VERY hard to make it one day though for sure. I don't eat carby stuff much during the week.... every day AFTER my s day I am totally sick. Funny how much food affects me.... HA! But I have to have that day or I would binge eat like crazy!

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Wed May 04, 2016 6:40 pm

Still alive.

Got the stomach flu.
The the upper respiratory flu.
Then I pulled my back muscle.
Then I had a two week long neck spasm that caused me to be at the doctors and be drugged up.

Then I was depressed because of all of it. Leaning in on food. Ugh. It happens.

But I am here and I still logged!

July is 1 year. Can't wait to post about it!!

Hope everyone is well!

jackn · Post by **jackn** » Thu May 05, 2016 6:38 pm

Welcome back...

Yes, 1-year-post will be an interesting one.

Keep well.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri May 06, 2016 4:05 am

Glad you're out of the wringer.