GettnBusy's Daily Check-In

[gettnbusy]

Found this site today. Sounds more achievable than most. I haven't tried to diet in years; before my 2 kids actually. I have not been motivated. I just ate what I wanted, how much I wanted, all I wanted. That is how I got to 278 pounds and counting. The reason for the sudden motivation is that I am 37 (almost 38), I have 2 very young sons who are getting more active by the moment , and recent blood test results this week were poor on the cholesterol side, general Cholesterol levels at 235, Triglycerides at 300 (twice what they are supposed to be) and LDL at 133. So, it's not looking good; she (the Internist Dr who is my PCP) said I am very borderline for Type II diabetes. As well as I am developing high blood pressure (150/90) and I am getting tingling in my hands & feet now and a back problem has finally developed from the esxcess weight along with awful pain in my right heel when I get up and walk.

Let's just say all of this is depressing; and although that has not been motivation in the past, this last icing on the cake should hopefully do the trick. I am a beautiful woman but the weight has kept every man away from me. I've been married for 8 years and being back on the market is awful as a "fattie". It's humiliating and depressing. I wouldn't want to date me, so I have to change me. Plus, this lifestyle change will bring about weight loss, right? The bonus for that will be how great I will look again and make my ex-husband eat his heart out. I do plan to be hot. Just watch me!

Heare's to you, Reinhard! Thanks for the tools. Now I just gotta use em. TTFN!

[gettnbusy]

Test reply... is this how I post my daily check in under my original post title? TESTING......

[gratefuldeb67]

Go Christi!
You'll love NoS!!!

Good Luck!!!

ps.. I love your screen name and Spongebob!!!!

Peace and Love,
Deb

[pangelsue]

Do it for yourself, your boys and by all means to make the Ex eat his heart out. You can do it. Good luck.

[This path is my life]

Welcome and good luck Christi!!

[gettnbusy]

Thanks for all the encouragement. you guys are great. I failed today though. Chalk it up to hormones and thoughts of my ex-husband trying to ruin my life. I need to get more practice on not eating during stress...or out of boredom. Man, this is gonna be a tough 21 days. If anyone is reading this I have a question... Do I have to start the 21 days over every time I fail? Probably, huh? Anyway... Here's to a better tomorrow; at least another clean slate to start with.

Still at 278 & 5'11", maybe 279 after today and cholesterol holding steady I am sure. ::sigh:: The good news is that my grandma is doing ok after her stomach surgery. Praise God. ~~TTFN~~

Thanks again for the encouragement. It really helps.
~Christi~

[gettnbusy]

Sunday VERY hard, failed miserably.
Monday, VERY hard, failed almost as equally as Sunday, but I excercised
Tuesday, VERY hard, failed less than Monday and walked for 15 minutes and did 20 mins of Pilates (for first time EVER)
So day #3 was easier, but still VERY hard to try to kick these habits. I am eating a bit less, drinking a tiny bit more water but still not doing well avoiding those sugary & salty cravings. I've been giving into them, but not as much. last night I only had 1 snack after dinner. Usually I'll have 3 or so and in large quantities. So I see it getting better. ::sigh:: I miss Ding Dongs!
~Christi~

[david]

How could you fail on a Sunday?

--david

[gettnbusy]

4th Day....
OK, well Wednesday was easier. SUCCESS.
No exercise today cus I visited a new church after work with the boys so we went to sleep when we got home. I suppose I could have spent the 20 minutes excercising instead of lying in bed waiting to fall asleep but my all my muscles stil hurt from Pilates on Tuesday. Man, Pilates sneaks up on you. It was nearly effortless doing the routines, but ALL my ab, lower region & side muscles hurt - muscles I didn't even know existed! LOL

Anyway.. did much better on no snacking today. Definitely need to eat breakfast because by 11am I am DYING for a handful of Cheetos or Trail Mix, Sunflower Seeds or M&M's (My biggest weakness). I never usually eat breakfast so this will be a hard habit to induce. 37 years without eating breakfast more than once a week; now that's a hard habit for me. The no snacking thing is worse than the no sweets thing. I am wondering if that includes sweet sauces with the meal? Like Lemon Chicken. That is definitely a sweet sauce. Hmmmm... I'll ask Reinhard.

Anyway. that's it for Wednesday.

PS: I actualy did the biggest no-no when on a new diet - I weighed myself to get some motivation. Thankfully it worked! I usually weigh the same or elevated nearly every day over the last 8 years. It only went down after the birth of my sons during this period. Never at any other time. This morning it was down a pound or so. At least it's budging instead of staying still or going up. I'm not concerned so much with the amount of the loss, just the fact that it isn't going up is a big boon to the progress meter for me!

[gettnbusy]

Height = 5'11"
Weight = 277 +/-
Cholesterol = 227 (s/b 200-)
Tri = 300 (s/b 150-)
LDL = 133 (s/b 130-)
BMI = 38
Fat % = 49.8
Blood pressure = 150/90 and 138/76 (2 different readings)
Measurements:
Chest 43 1/2"
Breast 48 1/2"
Top of Breast 47 1/2"
Waist 51 3/4"
Hips 50"
Belly 56"
Thigh 29"
Calf 18 1/2"
Arm 14 1/4"
Absolutely awful; can barely look at my body in the mirror. Shame too since I have such a beautiful face. What a waster; I feel so ashamed of how I've treated my body that God blessed me with. ::sigh:: I'm so sorry.

[david]

Buck up! You are on a new path now. Progress may be slow. Plateaus and mess-ups will definitely occur. But if you stick to No-S in a big picture way, things will change. I'm excited for you--I'm imagining you repeating all the same measurements a year from now and bragging to all of us about the huge improvement!

--david

[gratefuldeb67]

That was very beautifully put David!
I totally second that!!!

Good luck Christi!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[gettnbusy]

Wow. Thanks David. And Deb is right; it was beautifully put. You made my day! Thanks again.

[anna]

I have read your threads and I do feel for you. It must be hard to be a single mum with two young boys. And I really hope that by losing your weight you will find your confidence again. In my messages I have been told that it will take a while to get used to this eating method but with help of the people here on the bulletin board you will be able to do it, I am sure. Thanks for your messages on my daily check-in, it is really nice to get a reply. Good luck today!
Anna

[gettnbusy]

Well, today not as good as yesterday but still better than my past habits. This no snacking rule is killing me. I was much more of a grazer than I thought I was. Apparently I was snacking all damn day & night. I counted 12 times last night that I went to the kitchen to look for food. I only ate something 3 times and only a nibble to stave off the cravings instead of the whole thing which is a big improvement. But man... 12 times! EEK!!

I definitely need to eat my meals later since i stay up so late. This whole breakfast thing is throwing me off. So, what I'm gonna do is to grab a handful of dry cereal before I leave in the morning for a quick energy fill up, then I will eat lunch as normal, then eat 1/2 dinner when I get home from work (I'm always hungry after work) and 1/2 dinner later. With the 2 dinners I will make sure they are actually 1/2 & 1/2 & not 2 meals. Whatever I would normally eat at dinner I will just split it into 2. Hopefully that will help to stave off the monster cravings in the late evenings. At least till I can get this stuff under more control Right now, control is fleeting and madness is taking it's toll! But listen closely--not for very much longer--- I've got to keep control.... LOL Have fun this weekend everyone!

[gettnbusy]

Day 5 - FRIDAY
OK, well Deb has strightened me out on the # of meals thing. Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I suppose I can just eat breakfast mid morning, then a very late lunch then a late dinner. That would probably work better than eating first thing in the morning. I just can't eat or drink in the am.
Friday was a parital failure/success. I skipped breakfast (kind of accidentally), then went to lunch with my office to a steak restarurant. Good thing about this is that I had the bean/ham soup & 2 pieces of bread and 2 glasses of iced tea; by the time the steak & cottage cheese entree arrived I was already too full. So I took it home & ate it for dinner with some Pringles.
Had my first date since my ex husband & I split up. Wow, it was GREAT to kiss a man again. I really do miss kissin! I did really well since I ate beforehand. I had one Tom Collins and one Iced Tea (not Long Island) so I kept the empty alcohol consumption down. And he had nachos and I didn't even have a bite. I did stay out rather late so when I got home I had about 20 Pringles becuase my stomach was hurting so bad from hunger.

[germanherman]

As much i love NoSdiet and EDS for what they do good to me, there is one rule you should never forget:

Don't be a jerk.

If you have a nice date and and have fun, eat! Forget about the rules. Sure, it is a failure on the paper but it is what i would call a good failure. One of the greatest pluses NosDiet has, what me really brought to it was:

Live your life, have fun. Use a system to enjoy your life, not waste your life to apply a "diet".

I didn't want another diet which kills the fun. I didn't want to go on a date and hate myself becauses i enjoyed eating with a wonderful woman. I didn't want myself sitting in a restaurant with my girlfriend and order more of the flowers of the decoration as my dinner.

One of the goals of this diet-system is not to damn this "sweet sins" instead it should show you the worth of them. So instead going out an hunger, make such days S-Days. Enjoy your life. It is the only way to stay on a "diet" and be happy with it.

[anna]

Hi Christi

Well done for dating again! You made me giggle when you said how good it was to kiss a man again and in the next breath that you did really well because you'd eaten beforehand. My brain hadn't kept up so I briefly wondered what the connection was between kissing really well and eating beforehand.

I agree with Herman, don't not eat on a date. Whenever I am asked to go out for dinner (by friends, I am married so no need to date) I will eat freely regardless what diet I am on. Perhaps that is not the cleverest thing to do, but hey, there is more to life than dieting and how much one weighs.

Will Sunday be another S day for you? I don't think it won't be for me as I am still feeling nauseaus (see my daily check-in) and I am a bit worried that I would push it a bit.

Good luck until next time!

Anna

[gratefuldeb67]

Hi Christi!

Nice to hear about your fun date!!!
Woot woot!!!

I'm not sure why you consider Friday a partial success failure..
Little by little you will realize that you definitely can socialize with NoS and be successful too.. You'll develop that confidence, and make good choices..
If eating at home for now, makes you feel more confident that you can control your food intake and choices, then by all means do it..
You did great listening to your fullness and the rules at the restaurant the other day.. In my past inquiries to Reinhard about "What about soup" he said that if it's broth or somthing really light, to consider it as only part of your meal, but if it's the "chunky style" with loads of chopped ham and stuff in it, and bread to mop up the bowl, then, that's your meal..
So, see???
You already have the "one plate" rule sinking in..

As for snacking at night.. I'm gonna go out on a limb and take a guess that this isn't hunger.. It may just be a horrible long term habit you have, and most likely, due to wanting to fill your lonliness at night..
I have grappled with this habit since I was a child, and had great difficulty keeping it at bay, even with loving NoS and being fairly good during the day..
I wish I could make a suggestion to you as a way of taming it..
Can you find a nice book and sit and read it with a cup of herbal tea?
Take a shower.. Something soothing an loving to yourself so your taking care of yourself and doing something (other than just saying "okay I'm going to sleep") to treat yourself that's non food related...

If you absolutely must "snack" then do what others have suggested in the evening.. Keep a crisper in the fridge with celery, slices of pepper, cucumbers, etc.. and then, put them on a *small* plate and then just crunch away, with at least the knowledge that your snacking is gonna be healthy and finite...
My worst night time binges, (because frankly my friend, graze is in my mind a bad euphemism for bingeing (ie: non stop shoving of food, in whatver quantity) and bingeing is a more unpleasant word, so people would rather fool themselves into thinking they are doing something harmless by calling it "grazing"..I'm vehemently against the term..Long before you ever used it, so don't take this too personally..) ahem, back to the point!!!, LOL, were when I was stupid enough to believe that an industrial sized bag of Doritos would be safe from me after midnight..
The only time I have real trouble with the night time bingeing these days, is if I set myself up for failure by getting these "trigger" foods and large quantities of them... We no longer get icecream except when we go out..
Once in a blue moon we get one pint to share.. We, meaning my son Richard and I... The other day I was soooo stressed out financially, that I actually used it as an excuse to buy a box of entemanns donuts.. Needless to say, we ate the whole box (16 donuts) in less than three days.. Yuck!!!! LOL... Large quantities of available crap food is an "accident" waiting to happen...

Anyway.. That's all!!!!!
Be patient.. these habits are deeply ingrained, so give yourself time and patience to change them... it will come!
You are doing great!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy your new friendship!!!

Peace and Love,
Debs

[gettnbusy]

Day 6 & 7 (Sat & Sun)
Both S days
Saturday I did very well.
LUNCH
- 1 brownie
- 3 Nilla Wafers
- String cheese
- 1 can soda

DINNER
- 1 scoop spumoni ice cream
- 1/2 marsala chicken breast
- fistfull size spaghetti
- 1 slice sourdough bread

No 3rd meal, but had a glass of wine with dinner

SUNDAY
This would be my 7th day. Definitely an S day.
- 1 scoop spumoni ice cream
- bowl of Luck Charms with milk (med size)
- Handful of Pringles salt & vinegar (yum)
- 1/2 marsala chicken breast
- fistfull size spaghetti
-Handful of nilla wafers
- 4oz steak
- anoher handful of nilla wafers

I suppose since most of the sanck have been eliminated from the household I will not be indulging in my snacking weaknesses. I am sure I will have them, but if they aren't in the house (as Deb said) then I can't touch them now, can I? I suppose I should work on getting rid of the big offenders in my kitchen. Man, that's a lot of food to throw away. My pantry is stocked with prepacked food (hamburger helper, chips, crackers, cake mix, etc.). I suppose it is only slightly the financial aspect and the other part is dependence on my drug of choice. My thinking is that this plan will be so successful in helping me control my food that moderation will be easier as time goes on. Am I fooling myself or what?

By the way, first 7 day weigh in, I did lose somewhere between 3-5 pounds. Hard to tell since the scale said 3 different weights when I weiged myself. I re-weighed myself the first time cus I couldn't believe I lost 5 pounds with very little (but deliberate) effort so I got back on, once again a different weight (it's digital and temperamental) and then once again. But the highest weight was clear at 275 so there was a downward turn onf the scale instead of upward. Stand by for next weeks weigh in. We will see how badly these S days have affected me booty.

[anna]

Hi Christi

Well done girl, I'm proud of you! I can understand the financial worry about throwing food away, apart from that it's also the 'waste' factor that would worry me (I was always taught not to waste food).

Next week will hopefully be just as good for you.

Anna

[gettnbusy]

I am proud of me AND of YOU!
I avoided eating probably 7,000-8,000 calories this week that I would have normally eaten! That makes Reinhard's plan a complete success for me even with some of the overeating I did. I am learning to control the food and cravings. I think I can do this for the rest of my life. YAY.

[hikermom]

Hi Christi! Thanks for stopping by my check-in.

Regarding the food in your pantry:
Instead of just throwing it away, is there something like a "food closet" or food bank for people in need in your area? You could load up a box of your pantry items and deliver it to them. You would be rid of the food, but you would not be wasting it.

Hope your day is a success!

[gettnbusy]

Thanks HikerMom.... Yes, I've already donated the CLOSED food. It's all the open boxes I have a "waste" issue with. These days, no one will accept open boxes of anything. Everyone thinks we all tryin ta kill em! LOL

[hikermom]

LOL! Sorry, I wasn't thinking about the already opened stuff.

I hope today is a success for you.

[gettnbusy]

Monday marks the beginning of the 2nd week here. It is getting easier for the most part, but I'm definitely seeing the evil side of what my mind thinks is deprivation of snacking. Man, it is hard at night time. I am having a harder time of that than anything else and I can't seem to get my mind off it. I find myself in front of the fridge several times an hour with no idea how I got there. Thankfully, being skinny has been enough of a motivator so far that I've only given in a couple times over this past week. I think Sat/Sun are good days to "cheat" but may be tricking my mind that it is ok to eat that type of stuff. I found myself snacking over the weekend twice. Not good for trying to build this new habit.

Mon / Tues were successes although I skipped breakfast on Tuesday. Bad Girl. I'm working on it. I wonder how big our plate is supposed to be, anyway? LOL I mean, I've got some really big plates! Just kidding. I am not going to try to cheat on a technicality. I just thought it funny.

TTFN!

[anna]

Hi Christi, good for you. Just throw the open ones away or keep them until they're past their sell by date.

[hikermom]

I'm right there with you, Christi, dealing with hunger at night. I have decided to try to like feeling hungry at night. I don't think it is "real" hunger I'm feeling, and even if it is, I've got plenty of stored energy (read: fat) that my body is free to access at any time. Ha! So, this week, when I've been hungry at night, I've been trying to think "Good, what a wonderful feeling it is to know that I have NOT over-eaten this evening."

Regarding weekends, I don't think you have to worry about being so strict on Sat. and Sun. I think they are supposed to be days when you do relax the No-S rules, so if you snack or whatever, that's ok. We can be as strict as we need to be on N-days, so that we can enjoy the freedom on S days.

Take care.

[david]

I have gotten to where if I don't feel a little hungry between meals and in the late evenings I think something must be wrong. So, yeah, in a perverted way hunger is a bit pleasurable for me because now I'm conscious of what it means and I can be proactive rather than reactive when dealing with it.

--david

[gettnbusy]

Days 11 & 12 (Thursday & Friday)

Some things getting easier. No snacking NOT getting easier. I still find myself raoming the kitchen at work all day long. I usually satisfy it with water. Once I had a soda...BAD CHRISTI!
Thursday went well, SUCCESS. No
Friday was OK, but I did have a very large plate of Mexican Food at lunch with my boss. Steak Fajita Tostada with guacamole & sour cream. So tasty. I didn't have anything to drink but water and I had a light dinner and I didn't clear the plate like I normally would have. I'm treating it as a success for many reasons.
Today (SAT) is an S day. Doing ok so far, but have splurged, probably too much. Had 2 frozen waffles for breakfast with cottage cheese & pineapple. Had 2 slice bologna sandwich and pringles and string cheese for lunch and then another 10 Pringles. They tasted yummier than I imagined. That can't be good. I have begun to thing the sugary stuff is WAY too sugary (soft drink I had was not as good as I remembered) but I am not losing my taste for cheesy/salty things.
Tonight I'm making pasta shells with meat sauce for my brother & his wife and my kids. I love my sauce. It is VERY yummy. And I'm going to have lots of garlic bread (probaby 3 pieces). I am going to take a walk with my kids right now to help begin to burn off all the garlic bread I am going to eat later! I will have water with dinner or tea with Sweet N Low to avoid the soda monster. I'm glad it left a bad taste in my mouth; maybe I can give them up for good.

[gettnbusy]

Man, I totally failed on my S days this weekend. I blew it. The rule is SOMETIMES...and I binged like crazy this weekend at all times. Totally have to start over on this becuase I blew it so bad. Not even worth trying to salvage because it is painfully obvious to me that I learned nothing and nothing was becoming a habit. So the 21 day journey must start anew.

Here I go....
Day 1, Monday August 28th, 2006:
Light breakfast, medium lunch, medium dinner
SUCCESS MONDAY

Day 2, Tuesday:
Cottage chese & pineapple breakfast
Habit snuck in & I grabbed 4 M&M's from a coworkers desk & popped em in my mouth before i even realized what I was doing (BAD!) See, haven't learned the new habits yet.
Lunch- small Turkey sandwich & handful of Fritos
Dinner-Steak Fajit Tostada & spumoni ice cream for desert.
FAILURE TUESDAY

Gettn back up on the horse again tomorrow for day 3. UGH. I gotta get better at this.

[gettnbusy]

Wed: FAILURE
good breakfast, good lunch, snacked on M&M's at work, good dinner, snacked three times at nite

Although I did excercise for 1 hour. That is the first time I have in 5 days.

Thursday will be better!

[hikermom]

I hope you've had a successful Thursday, Christi.

[pangelsue]

Hi,
First time stopping by. I think you are doing an incredible job first time out. As all the people who have been here a while will tell you, this is a process. I gave up one snack at a time because I knew I wouldn't be able to go cold turkey. We all have our own ways of achieving the same goal.
I agree with Deb that keeping trigger foods in the house is a mistake. I can't have peanuts or corn chips. Sounds like pringles might be one of yours. Another tip from Deb. Plan to indulge in your favorites on the weekends. A planned treat is worth waiting for.
Stay focused and let the process unfold. If you want it badly enough, you will find ways to make it happen. You can do it.

[gettnbusy]

Thursday, Day 4 SUCCESS

breakfast: good
lunch: great
dinner: good

Fighting every bone in my body not to eat the Spumoni left over ice cream in the freezer and the garlic cheese spread on Ritz crackers.... HARD!! But I did it.

I did have 1/2 handful of almonds (maybe 6) cus I was craving SOMETHING and the Maui Onion Garlic Almonds were just SITTING there unattended. YUM. So, I partoook in a tiny portion to satisfy a somewhat overwhelming urge and it passed and I think I did good. Old habit, bad. But did it sparsely like a normal person instead of chowing down on every almond in the can! So that part is great.
I'm doing much better.

That being said, I skipped breakfast and I'm going to have an early lunch because I am having an early dinner on a date at my new fave Italian eatery here in Glendale and I plan on having some spumoni and 2 pieces of bread with my Chicken marsala So it will fill in the breakfast holes.

Still... the 20th HS reunion is tomorrow nite. UGH

[gettnbusy]

Friday Day 5 (#2)
Success
Had a dinner date but had a very small breakfast & lunch to compensate and I managed to have only 2 pieces of bread, salad, NO soup, some mushroom, ham & cheese stuffed chicken and NO desert and I didn't finish all the chicken either so I think I did very well.

My S Days were abit indulgent this weekend, but still under much better control than in the past.

I have lost 4 pounds total since I started Aug 14th and it has never felt like a diet. I mean, the no snacking this is HARD and it will take me months before I can get used to the controlled pattern of eating (my schedule is so wacko). But it is gettn easier and easier and the mindless eating only creeps up on me occaisionally now instead of constantly.

Today (Monday) I am fasting breakfast & lunch because I am not hungry AT ALL. I think my Late late Dinner last nite is contributing to this. But another reason is the over indulgence of alcohol this weekend and fried food at the bars and I actually can feel that my body needs some time to process what it still has in it before I feed it more. I STILL am having burps (I know, gross!) from my dinner last nite. So I know my body is not needing nor wanting food right now.

I am more in touch with my body now and I know I need this.

I will have a small meat free dinner tonite for nutrition.

Tuesday (today) is day 9 (#2) overall and day 1 out of 4 Non S days in a row.

[hikermom]

Christi, how's it going?

I'm hoping the rest of the week has been a success for you.

[gettnbusy]

No S lifestyle plan going well still. I actually have begun to forget to eat sometimes. My stomach can now only eat about 1/2 of what is a (used to be) serving. When I have lunch my boss & I SHARE a sandwich and I AM FULL WITH THAT! So much has changed for me & how I perceive food now. So happy with this change. And I still get to eat what I want; I just don't devour it and I do it occaisionally and treat the treats as just that - a TREAT. I don't get the urge to snack as often anymore. God has truly taken this over for me. I know I sure as hell haven't done it on my own!

I did start over my No S for my 21 Day habit forming but I've actually been doing it for a month as of tomorrow. YAY. I did weigh myself at 4 weeks as I said I would and here it is ladies and gentlemen....

Starting weight: 278 (08/13/06)
Current weight: 269 (09/10/06)
Goal weight: 255 (By Christmas-15 weeks from tomorrow)
Was able to fit into a (previously) tight jeans on Friday. YAY!!!

[hikermom]

Yay!!! Good for you.

[nonskanse]

Wah such success!!! I'm jealous! You GO girl!

[flsunshine]

You are inspiring! It is great you are keeping with it. This plan really does seem to help change attitudes about treats and overdoing it as a matter of routine.

Congratulations on your success - you have motivated me this morning. Thanks!

[david]

Good work!

--david

[pangelsue]

9 pounds in a month!!! How awesome. I too am jealous. Good for you. At this rate you may exceed your Christmas goal. Onward and upward (or I should say, downward LOL). Keep on inspiring us all.

[gettnbusy]

Monday, Week #2 (Day 8, #2)
SUCCESS. Did pilates today, hadn't done it at all last week. Gotta start working on THIS habit now that the food is a LITTLE bit easier. UGH!

Tuesday, Day 9
SUCCESS. No excercise today though

Wednesday, Day 10
MOSTLY A SUCCESS. Had 6 Nilla Wafers with dinner and dinner was already a full plate. No excercise today. Had to prepare IBook for shipment so had to delete a bunch of stuff and ran out of time. Thursday is an excercise day for sure. My son has been begging me to take a walk today so we will do it tomorrow. He rides his bike, I walk really fast pushing my younger son in the stroller. LOL

[gettnbusy]

Thursday, Day 11 #2
OK, so Im halfway to the 21 Days try #2
Today was SUCCESS
walked with my boys for 20+ minutes, forgot to do pilates but I'll do it tomorrow.
The ex called & stated he wasnt coming for the boys so Ive got alot of pent up frustration since I had to cancel my plans such as seeing my lil brother in the hospital and helping my dad out and there is a Film Festival in Temecula this weekend with a film Ive been dyin to see and was gonna on Sunday. Oh well, my life has to revolve around his whims cus Im the real parent. Anyway... as I was saying I have LOTS of frustration to work out in a nice long walk on the beach with the boys instead. We'll just turn this whole thing around and have fun despite his sorry azz. Thanks to God this is my personal journal - ok maybe not - LOL

I accidentally skipped breakfast and when I realized it I grabbed a handful of trail mix to stop my stomach from digesting itself and proceeded on until it was lunch time in which I had CPK BBQ Chicken salad, small size but pretty decadent. I put only 1/2 the ranch dressing on and ALL the BBQ sauce (YUM!!) and i ate every single bite of that salad (extra tomatoes). Damn it was good. But I can tell that even salad can be deadly when drowned in tortilla strips and ranch dressing and cheese! So, in moderation only.

For dinner I had some chicken salad with cranberries and pecans mixed in on some Light Ritz and a scoop of corn. It was a good day. I did have one chocolate mint that I grabbed out of habit I suppose from the restaurant. Good thing I sweated while taking my walk! 20 minutes probably burned up the 80 calorie in that mint. Did you know that it takes 3000 calories to make a pound? So think about that. I have not gained ANY weight since I started and previously I was gaining at least a pound per month or more at stressful periods. So, I have avoided gaining 1 pound and I lost 9 so thats a net loss of 10 pounds+ if you ask me. and I just did. yay me. Now I am even more proud. This month I am hoping to drop down all the way into a 22 size by losing another 4-5 pounds. It sounds reasonable if I keep the excercise level up. I need to increase my nutrition. I hate veggies. Ugh.

[pangelsue]

You are doing awesome. Good way to handle the stress with the Ex. Walk it off. If you eat to get back at him, how will that help you or get back at him? I read once that the best revenge is a happy life. It makes them soooo crazy they can't reach you where it hurts anymore.
Hang in there for your 21. You can do it.
By the way, the mints, vanilla wafers,etc/ might be your next challenge after the 21. What purpose are they serving? It is still extending old habits that can hurt you in the long run. And if you think about it, do they really taste that good? You descibed the salads as absolutely delicious but the cookies and the mint were sort added as an afterthought. If they were so wonderful, you would have said so. If they are not that good and you are grabbing them out of habit think of strategies to break the habit. When you are looking at that mint, close your eyes and resavor the chicken and BBQ sauce and walk right by. It will only hurt for a minute. Also it sounds like the cookies are in the house and tempting you. Why? If it is for the kids, should they be having them? I bet they would far prefer to play some game outside with you or take a walk or something. It would be healthier for you and them to save treats for weekends. Sweet fruit would be better for all of you Monday through Friday.
Regarding the vegetables, do you hate all vegetables? Do you hate them cooked and raw? Try a bunch of different ones until you find some you like. Sometimes experiments like that are good carried out at the dreaded buffet. On a Saturday or Sunday, serve up a plate of all the veggies on the buffet and give eat of them a fair try.

Well, your second mom will sign off now and stop preaching. Have a good day.

[gettnbusy]

Day 15 Tuesday
This weekend was a success (I usually overdo the S stuff, but I didnt this weekend!)
Monday & Tuesday were success.

Ms. SUE - thanks! Your input is always very valued! Thanks again!

[gettnbusy]

Day 16 Wednesday
Good day food. Bad day for ex issues. He took the kids from school and says he isnt gonna bring em back til tomorrow at school. Then he threatened blackmail on me for custody. Why should I be upset, scared & mad? That is the question. Maybe its the fact that he gets to break the court orders and threaten me whenever he wants without consequence but I HAVE to (for my own good) be the good girl. I am resentful that he gets away with it; it upsets me to no end.

Well, I must move on because all I have is me to depend on and MY standards to obey. There. Now how do I not let him get under my skin like this? I know he does it on purpose. Luckily it has not deterred my progress here. Maybe it's even spurned me on a bit! WOOHOO!

[pangelsue]

Sorry things are rough right now but good for you that you are staying with the plan in spite of it. Those (and vacations) are the roughest times. It is so easy to cave in because we think we deserve it. The truth is we deserve to be good to ourselves. Victory is sweet. Why does he get to break the rules? Court rules should apply. Just wondering.

[hikermom]

Why does he get to break the rules? Court rules should apply.

My thoughts exactly.

Take care, Christi.

[gettnbusy]

Come on guys.. you know the court system means very little. I have filed report after report with the police stations and it makes no difference, and the ex knows that nothing will happen. That's just how it is and lately I have made some decisions about how I will behave in the future and with some practice I think I can pull the "higher road" off! That's my goal anyway. I know one day my kids will realize who the parent is that truly has taken care of them and given them the support & discipline they needed. But no need to wait for THAT reward...I see it everyday in how wonderful my boys are. They are just great...and I know it's because of the school I've chosen for them and how I choose to discipline them and the rules & boundaries I've set and the sacrifices I've made for them. They spend 4 days per month with him, probably just playing. So I know in my heart & mind that I am the real parent and who they are is a reflection of what I've taught them (for the most part, I won't argue genetics and default personalities!). So I'm gonna be happy just being proud of the job I am doing and not paying attention to all his silly little games to upet me on a daily basis. I'm gonna try this yoga book I've found "Yoga for Dummies" and see if that helps! It certainly couldn't hurt.
Thanks ladies. I think I really love you all.

[gratefuldeb67]

Awesome decision about the Yoga Christi!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that will help you feel good and stay out of the fighting cycle with your ex.. Promote peace within and that will be your best source of real strength!!!!!!

I do encourage you though, to see if you might be able to find a real teacher one day.. It's pretty important to get their help and it's also very nice to have the support of the other people in the class..
Good energy!

Good luck!
Sorry about your ex being such a pain.. I'm no stranger to your stories..
I lived through a lot with Richards Dad too..
It was awful!!!
Take the high road and don't drag your kids into it!
Sorry the authorities aren't doing their job!

Sorry I didn't see this till today.. I've been only checking in here once in a while these days..

Hugs Girl!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb
xo!

[pangelsue]

I'm with Deb on finding a Yoga class. I don't do yoga. I do Qi Gong and my husband and I took a 10 week class to learn. It is still wonderful when we do the Qi Gong moves alone or together but we both agree that when the whole group used to do the exercises together, the energy in the room was huge. I know that sounds kind of "out there" but it was true. Part of it was the teacher we had. We also took a meditation class with her and several of the most awesome, mind expanding experiences I ever had came while meditating with this woman. She was a very strong personality with a strong spirit. She would start to meditate with us and something happened. Amazing stuff.
Way to go on the plan with how to handle the ex, by the way. All the arguing and legal stuff just hurts the kids in the long run. As long as they aren't in danger with him and he doesn't see them that often, it is probably better for them not to live in chaos. A lady I work with who has a winner for an ex and 3 kids spent a good part of last year in court trying to get him to care and follow the rules. She got some temporary support from the judge and collected a few dollars but her stress levels were through the roof that whole time. Can't be good for the kids. Hang in there. They will know someday it was you who got them through.

[hikermom]

Christie, you are right about "taking the high road." It does pay off. It is just a shame that the system can be manipulated by those who don't respect the rules. That makes me say, "Grrrrrr..."

Good luck with your yoga endeavor. I've never tried doing yoga from a book, but I do have several yoga dvds, which I haven't done in months since I've been such an exercise slacker. I'm going to have to change my name to "slackermom."

Have a good week!

[gettnbusy]

You all are so wonderful! Thanks for the support. I had a rough weekend food wise. I let the S get out of control and I can't figure out why. I was doing so well. And by out of control... I mean out of control. I think I gained 2-3 pounds eating this weekend. Well, thankfully tmorrow is back to No S days again and I dont have a problem with those. I was reading Sue's check in and saw she struggles with the same thing. I did well for like 3 weekends in a row... then BAM this one hit and I didnt even care. As a matter of fact, I'd go back to the kitchen whever I even STARTED to care that Id overeaten. Well, gonna need to find some money for theryapy somehow! EEK! Anyway... this week should be fine... No S days dont seem to be a problem for me, its the "days off". So hard to remember sometimes that S days are still SOMETIMES...not carte blanche.
back on the horse my friends...back on the horse!

[hikermom]

Hey, Christie! I hope you're doing well.

[gettnbusy]

yes Hikermom...I am doing well.

I've stayed off the boards and I know I shouldn't. I've been a bit depressed about guys lately. Sometimes they are really awful and I have not gotten my self respect or esteem high enough yet that it doesn't affect me so harshly.
Anyway....
No S going ok. I could be doing better. I know this because I hve been snacking on occaision lately. I also made a batch of Tollhouse cookies. DAMMMIT. They were really good though. I have been having one per day. So, I suppose I been failing all week. But at least it isn't 4 per sitting like it was 2 months ago!

My mental health is failing and I am not quite sure what to do about it since my insurance doesn't cover mental health providers and of course a single parent with no child support is always broke! LOL I am trying to get up and move around a little bit more to stop from falling into a bad spot. I unpack boxes & clean up & stuff. It's just not getting me there. I've got some serioius baggage that has come up since the split up and sometimes has me in agony emotionally like when I was pregnant. I cry at stupid songs & commercials & even Home Makeover. Sheesh. So much of my esteem comes from outside of me. How do you make it come from INSIDE?

Anyway... I am still losing like 1/2 to 1 pound per week so steady as she goes.

[gettnbusy]

Monday, 7 Weeks into this program. Last week not so good even though I lost a minute amount of weight; but I'm ready to have a better week now. I was obviously having emotional eating last week. I recognized it but frankly didn't care. I did get it under control this weekend and I actually ate better this weekend than many days last week. my best friend drove all the way to my house this weekend to come & save me from myself by making me clean out 1/2 of the remaining boxes in my living room that had been sitting there for months. She basically came to kick my butt - which is fine. She had never done that before. I am alittle bit afraid what made her do it this time... is my neurosis so obvious that it just sits out there before me?

Well, at the 7 week mark I have not made as much progress as I would have thought this second month in. I've started over once which kind of helped, but that wasn't the problem. It's just falling off the horse--no need to start over cus it serves absolutely no purpose. Every day is a 'do-over'. The difference for me is that I see now that I AM GOING TO FAIL CONSISTENTLY but that I still have the next moment or day or month to do better. WHAT A RELIEF!! So, this weight loss may actually take the 2 years I expected in the beginning. I didn't want it to, but it might actually take me that long unless I get the chance to go to the fat farm on the Biggest Loser (which Ive never watched but have heard the results from theam are amazing and fast). My life does not permit working out all day long or gourmet prepared healthy meals. I am not doing my best, especially since I know better, but I am doing what I am able to give at this time. And I AM eating healthier, just not all healthy. My blood pressure is down a bit, but the cholesterol has only gone down slightly. My success so far is that I've still been able to keep my lifestyle a little b it similar to what it was before as long as I cut out the snacks and huge portions an avoid sweets most of the time. It feels as if now is the time for me to take this a little bit more seriously and conform my every eating habits into really healthy eating. But I feel extreme anxiety about this as I type it so Im not sure if that means I am scared of the change or that I am so not ready. I suppose it will work itself in my meal planning this next couple of weeks.

I already make much healtheir choices than before. For instance..I went to dinner at Dennys late Saturday nite since we forgot to eat we were so busy cleaning up. I hate Dennys and I knew it would suck...BUT I decided to order a chicken salad and a side of ranch & BBQ sauce. It was wonderful and I ate it slow. As a matter of fact, I ate so slowly that desert came and my friend ordered a hot fudge sundae & I was more interested in finishing my yummy BBQ ranch chicken salad and had NO DESERT. Best part is I didn't feel deprived. My friend even offered me the rest of her sundae & I didnt want it. I doubt I will have those same feelings the next time I am presented with a bowl of home made SPUMONI ice cream from my favorite Italian restaurant in Glendale...but baby steps, right? LOL

Start weight: 278 (Aug 14)
Current Weight: 264 (Oct 2)
Goal Weight: 255 by Christmas (12 weeks away)

[nonskanse]

278 to 264 in less than 2 months is pretty amazing whatever you're doing.

No-S takes a lot of time to really really get stuck on. I slip all the time. I would completely give up any day I had a big fight with an ex.

The only helpful thing if you're cheating really often -which happens to us all! I had an m&m problem today- is to cheat as small as possible. There was a restaurant I used to go to that did a tablespoon of pudding with a tiny dollop of whipped cream on top.

Just remember it's still bad and still cheating. That's the hard part, I always go "it's just a..." which leads me down a bad path.

[gettnbusy]

You are absolutely right! This week is better already. I know it's only one day in.. but I got to start somewhere. Personal responsibillity is my new motto

[pangelsue]

14 pounds in 2+ monthes. I would kiss the ground for that kind of success. What kind of success would make you go Woohoo!~!!! I would be doing cartwheels!! (the 61 year version of cartwheels). You just need a cheering section. Rah, rah, sis boom bah, woman. Be happy for yourself.

Seriously though, regarding the shaky mental health thing, you have a lot going on. Are there things that help? If so, do them as often as possible. Call friends, (who cares if they notice your plight). Isn't that the idea? Nerves are a call for help. How wonderful that someone is listening. Enjoy it and use it as a resource. How large is your city? Years ago when I had rather major problems with depression and anxiety, we had no money and I went to a county psychologist where the payments were based on income. I think I paid like $8.00 a session. The person I saw was wonderful and I still remember many of the things we talked about.

And what is this about crying at Extreme Home Makeover??? My husband and I love to cry watching that show. One would have to be a robot not to. Be who you are, which is pretty special if you ask me. You have made my bad day better many a time.

You can do it and we can help. Get a big stuffed bear or something and hug it whenever you need to. I have a panda. He and I have had many a long talk on bad days. Sometimes I just hug him and rock. He doesn't mind at all how often I tell hime my problems. All's fair in life and mental health. If it works, work it.

[gettnbusy]

Beginning of Week #8 (7 weeks down, 98 more weeks to go)
Monday FAILURE
Tuesdsay will be better as I read something I had put on my fridge last nite that I had completely forgotten about, plus I read what Sue had to say and she's right. I had lost sight of the temporary hunger thing. Pain is part of growth and I need to get used to it again. There is something else i am looking for when I reach for the food & I need to figure out what that is. In the mean time... reach for my pilates video instead of a nilla wafer. Here's to Tuesdays!

[gettnbusy]

Tues - success + Pilates
Wed - succes - no excercise though

have you ver met anyone so smart that they make you feel dumb? Maybe booksmart isn't so smart at all when you hurt feelings.

[pangelsue]

You are right. Booksmart has nothing to do with hurting people's feelings. Sometimes though we can hurt people's feelings unintentionally. The mother of a friend of mine was always putting her daughter down for her own good and I think the mother actually had the daughter's best interest in mind but the things she said were hurtful. Unfortuntately, we all do that sometimes. I think I was a little to rough on my daughter the other night. I thought I was helping but I was just criticizing because her values are not mine and I don't understand hers. It was not intentional but I saw the hurt look on her face and even though I apologized like crazy later, I couldn't quite take the look back. She kept saying it was fine but I think we both knew it wasn't. I was up half the night wishing I hadn't said anything.
If what someone says is mean and intentional, that has nothing to do with smarts, that is just plan mean. You don't need people like that in your life. They are emotional vampires.

[gettnbusy]

Very good point!

Thurs - Success - took a walk for excercise and cleaned vigorously
Fri - Failure
Sat - I know its a n S day, but it was a big failure anyway.
Something is wrong. I've fallen off the wagon or something. Sheesh. Start over #2 will start on Monday. Sheesh Reinhard..will I ever "get it"?

[pangelsue]

I flubbbed for fully the last 3 months and now I am on a roll again. Hug that bear. I tell ya it helps. This is a journey of more than a couple of days, weeks or months. We didn't get here in a short time. There are no short journeys out.

[gettnbusy]

Yes... a long journey to get here. I've been obese for over 17 years now. I am doing pretty well, actually. But getting the hang of this is very hard. I'm sick right now so everything tastes gross anyway..but I still wanna eat. Eating while I'm sick is a big bad habit of mine since I was younger.

I actually figured out that it will be Independence Day, 2008 to get down to my ideal weight (according to the dr.). That is averaging 1 pound per week weight loss. I think that may be a bit high aspirationally. However, it is still my goal. That will be 1 month short of 2 years on this program. You figure you are only gonna lose a max of 50 pounds per year or so with all the periods of equalization mixed in with taking it slow so as to be a good habit builder. I wonder if my body is going to get down to a certain weight and just stall out? I mean when does your body say ok...we need to stop now? Oh well...no need to worry about that. That is the least of my issues at present! Presently I am keeping steady for 2 weeks which means no weight loss/gain. Not good. I cheated alot and I barely excercised. I'm sick now so I barely even want to get up.

Anyway... just a check in for me. I hold steady and though things are MUCH better now than when I found Reinhards plan; I am still lacking and my motivation is lackluster. Maybe cus Im sick and am fuzzy...who knows?

[pangelsue]

Maybe stop setting goals and just plan on this being forever. The weight will come off when it comes off and not a moment sooner. I have been plateaued for soooo long I don't want to even think about it but it will happen and is happening right now. We just have to be patient. It will be really successful only if it is forever and not just until the weight is off.
Hope you feel better soon.

[gettnbusy]

Thank you my adopted mom, Sue. I just love you.

I am feeling better today, not much but some.

I am a goal centered person and I plan on using this plan forever, but I do have weight loss goals along my journey. Its who I am; I have goals for everything. If you don't have a goal how will you know when you get there? How can you measure your progress?

I do believe in the one-day-at-a-time theory and sometimes minute-by-minute as well; but also need to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I am self-centered enough to think I actually can plan and organize and strategize and control the outcomes in my life LOL

I did weight myself this morning since I had forgotten to earlier in the week and found that I was down a little bit from the last weigh-in. So that brightenened my spirits a bit. I need to see progress. If I don't (because I have this need to be perfect, you know) I get anxious about it.

My ex did something to surprise me last nite, he handed me $100 bill and said that I didn't have to report it to CSS. I was floored. He hasn't given me a dime in 10 months. Now I can buy the boys shoes. Very happy.

My stomach is growling but it's ok. It's not the end of the world if I'm a little bit hungry during the day for a few weeks until I get my stomach back in shape.

[gettnbusy]

Okie Dokie - Oct 15th weigh in (that's 2 months from starting point of August 13th)

Starting Weight: 278
Current Weight: 260
Total weight loss: 18 pounds
Total time: 9 weeks

That is an average of 2 pounds per week. I know that's not accurate cus I lost alot when I first started and I lost alot this past week when I was sick which had only to do with the fact that I had no appetite not my own efforts! LOL

All in all, its been a good journey so far for me. I have many more hurdles to go but I am sticking to it as best as this mere mortal can. I have changed my goal for Christmas down a few pounds since I am doing so well consistently. My original goal by Christmas was to weigh in at 255 pounds; I think I can hit 250! So I have 10 weeks until Christmas Monday to lose 10 pounds.

My son is now trying to do Pilates with me 1-2 times per week and we are walking 2-3 times per week (it's much colder out now!) for 30 minutes. I am still too busy with studying for exams and work and taking care of both my boys that I literally do not have any more time to dedicate to excercise. Ive even tried gettin less sleep to encourage more time in my day and that didn't work well at all. The simple fact is that I am a single parent with a full time job, a house to clean, laundry to do and classes to study for and there just isnt any time left over than what I've already set aside. I have to stop trying to be and do everything becuase sometimes you simply can't. It's like trying to explain to Suze Orman that you simply don't have the money to save every month. She insists that you are just spending your money poorly. Nope. Sorry. Sad truth is that I make a low wage, Suze and that's all I got. There is no "extra" after food & rent & gas. None. There is not even $5. She doesn't have the concept/paradigm. I didn't either until this past week. Everyone says "oh you can fit it in somewhere". Well I did...but that is simply all there is time for. Period. There is no more time to be squeezed out. There is no better way to organize my time or less sleep I am willing to sacrifice (I think 6.5 hours per night is short enough). So I've said it, I am officially politically uncorrect and I have accepted that I am flawed and have LIMITED RESOURCES including money, time & spirit.

I am still doing great in my opinion and definitely much better than August 12, 2006. I had a garbage burrito today compliments of my boss for lunch. I barely ate 1/2 of it my appetite has shrunk so much. But it was GOOD, let me tell ya. I wish I coulda eaten it alL! Tee hee hee.

If anyone other than me is reading this-Im sorry for the rant and the length. Take care.

[pangelsue]

Hi, thought I'd visit your site to respond to the question you posed on mine.

Taking responsibility, huh? I have actually been writing on that a lot lately on my own thread and on several other people's too. I think taking responsibility for one's actions is a rare commondity these days. No one seems to think they are responsible for their actions anymore. It is the fault of society, parents, the "government", schools, whatever. No one just looks in the mirror and says "I don't like some of the decisions I am making lately." That doesn't mean I think we have to beat ourselves up when we make a bad decision. I just think we should take full personal responsibility for all our decisions.
The forum here though is food decisions. I have spent my whole life making excuses for why I eat things I know I shouldn't. You know the kind of mind chatter I'm talking about. We make up reasons why it was ok, acceptable or unavoidable to screw up. Or another ploy is telling ourselves in no uncertain terms just how badly we screwed up and how awful we were. We make ourselves feel bad enough and ashamed enough to excuse the behavior for this one time. When we have scolded ourselves enough, we can say, "there, now I shamed myself enough so no one can doubt that I am sincere about changing"
We are all adults here. No shame, no whining just truth. Today I chose to be on plan. Yesterday, I chose not to be on plan. If I choose wisely often enough, I have taken responsibility for my eating and I will lose weight, be healthier and succeed. And if I choose poorly over and over again, I will not lose weight, or be healthier and I will not succeed. It's as simple as that. If I am not responsible for the decisions I make or the food I eat, who is?
Them's the thoughts, kid. What do you think?

[pangelsue]

Thank you so much for the kind words on my thread. They made me feel wonderful. I enjoy talking to you very much too and I admire your candor and drive. You too are a survivor and we both know how tough that can be but we are both well aware of the rewards. We'll make it together with all the good, good folks on this board.
I too was raised Catholic and as a comedian once said, Jews are born feeling guilty and Catholics have to learn it. I do sincerely think though that there is a pay off for beating ourselves up for over eating and I am not going to do it anymore. It is a pattern of overeating, admitting it and paying the price by saying cruel and horrible things to ourselves and then it starts all over again (sin, confession, penance, sin, confession, penance). I am breaking the cycle because it was self destructive and it also kind of gave me permission to continue the pattern. Self destructive behavior fosters more self destructive behavior and building a better self image, fosters feeling good about myself and what I can do. And when I like myself better, I am not as likely to be self destructive again. I read once that there is no such thing as a totally selfless act. We always get something out of everything we do or we would stop doing it. So the next time you are beating yourself up because you failed, ask yourself what the pay off is. When I asked myself that question the last time I was hating myself for a gigantic food day, the answer that came to me was that if I beat myself up enough, it somehow made it okay. If I refuse to beat myself up, I have to accept responsibility for my actions and either give up or change. No wiggle room there, is there? Either/or. There's that word, responsibiltiy again. Good night and smile at yourself in the mirror tonight. You are a good person.

[gettnbusy]

Yesterday was my birthday and we went to my favorite Italian eatery in Glendale..Scarantino's - OMG you have not lived until you've had their chicken marsala, their sausages or their home made Spumoni! YUM! So that was my special day and I had a HUGE serving of Spumoni. My sons ate their food so fast to get to the Spumoni it was funny. justin just kept showing the spaghetti into his mouth with his fingers cus he couldnt quite get it onto the fork! LOL (He's only 2) and all the waiters came around to laugh at him - so cute!

This week was probably 1-4 and Im not going to justify anything. I wont get on the scale but I would guess I gained a bit back. I haven't been at this weight since before I was pregnant with my first son so I'm pretty proud right now so even a bit of failure reflects and bounces right offa me

Anyway - here's to a more productive week next week.

[gratefuldeb67]

Oh shoot!!!
I have a bad memory Christi!!!
I saw your birthday coming up on the myspace bulletins, but I was on a job interview yesterday and in another world!

But better late than never!

Happy Happy Birthday!!!!!!
Hope you have a wonderful year girl!!!!
Lots of love!
Debs

[pangelsue]

Sounds like your birthday was awesome. So glad you enjoyed it with those you love. Many more.

[pangelsue]

Just read your post on my thread. How do I plan to meet failures and challanges? I plan to continue with what I have been using for 27 days. If I eat out of plan, I have to write a positive affirmation 100 times. Something like "No treat tastes as good as success feels". So far it has worked like a charm. Everytime I want to break out of plan, I say to myself, "Go for it and then grab your pen and start writing". I only had to do it twice 27 days ago. Both times, my wrist hurt like you wouldn't believe. The affirmations are a positive thing and I know the consequence before I eat. If exercise as a deterrent or countermeasure works for you, then go for it. Whatever gets the job done is good. The main thing I am through with is the self criticism and destructive behavior. Anything positive works for me. If you find anything you especially like, please share.

Happy Birthday again, kiddo.

[gettnbusy]

3-2 this week. Not what I was aiming for but better than last week so I'm improving. Scale remains in the 262-260 area. It keeps going up & down. yesterday I finally started to excercise again. Dont know why Ive not been doing so. It has been rather hot lately, maybe thats why I just didnt feel like anything. I know that my excercise is what keeps it all off and that it keeps my resting metabolism up - so its just not the calories Im burning during the walk, etc.; its that it helps me burn more calories all day long. I know the right thing to do, you know the right thing to do. We all know. I have chosen differently. I noticed when I do well it is when I am posting on here everyday and when I stop focusing and come on here everyday I start to slip up. So perhaps that is the first thing that should change for me. It was working, so why stop?

Anyway, gotta go. I can hear the boys and it sounds like they are trying to kill each other with some toy or by jumping on or off something or each other. Boys. Sheesh.

[pangelsue]

Good for you, exercising again. That must be very hard with kids keeping you so busy. A gal I work with has 2 young boys and she tries to get up every day at 5AM to exercise in peace. It is just too early and she doesn't make it most days. Course, if they are keeping you running, that is exercise too. Is there something physical you can do with them? When my daughter was little, we lived close to a high school that had a pool and it was very cheap to swim there. We went really often. The pool also offered water aerobics. Or maybe, depending on where you live, going on hikes to a park or something? Hang in there. Where there is a will there is a way.
Thanks for putting the 8 pounds in perspective for me, by the way. Just had a couple of very angry depressed days when it seemed like nothing would ever change. I am determined again now and hope to see a little progress soon. I was very inspired by Rosemary on the general bulletin board. She is 71 and has a slow metabolism as well. She is full of all kinds of ambition, hope and good ideas. She, and of course you and Flsunshine have me all revved up again. Thanks. We'll get by with a little help from our friends (as the Beatles used to say).

[gettnbusy]

Haven't lost any weight for 3 weeks; still at 260. It's a combination of not ecercising consistently enough and grazing. i've started to do it again. It took me a month to stop it and now it's back. Now I have to start over again from the beginning as far as that stuff goes. Man, this process is SO HARD sometimes. It is SO EASY to fall back into my old ways. Especially when Im busy. I was doing better before when I was preparing food ahead of time so that I could eat my meals within 5 minutes of deciding I was hungry. BUt now all that time I am spending preparing meals just makes the grazing easier. I have no idea why I stopped cubing up some chicken and preparing easy to reheat meals. But I will start again tomorrow. I will cook Sunday afternoon for the week. I am sure that will help and today I am going to the zoo with the boys again so walking up & down all those hills at the LA Zoo will burn a few hundred calrories too. Maybe it'll help my metabolism get back to where it was headed. Anyway..Im just rambling. I do that when Im disappointed or planning or confused. I am a bit of all three I think right now. Anyway---

[gettnbusy]

Boy aren't I gettn lazy about posting here. Probably why I am having more failures than not because food has become less of a priority. And by that I mean I've gotten lazy. Almost gone are the days when I made my food in advance so it was ready when I wanted it for lunch/dinner. I've started up again but it was a harsh reality when I saw the scale had put on a few more pounds in 3 weeks instead of losing. It wasn't much - just a few things here & there but it added up, let me tell you.

I feel differently about this than I used to, though. Sue had mentioned a few things to me during our dialogue that I think have really actually changed my paradigm, not just of food, but of how I used to beat myself up over a simple failure. We all have them, I just always had to be perfect. NOw that isn't as true. I fail but I see it as just that and I continue on the journey. Gone are the days of beating myself up. And it's really true for me that food tastes better now. Probably because food didn't taste as good anymore before I started this plan. It all tasted the same and no matter how much I ate it never satisfied me. Now the satisfaction is coming from fitting into one size smaller...and having a treat once in awhile. The food tastes better because I think my pallate has changed. I couldnt' eat a french fry right now if you paid me with all that grease oozing out of it. Now chocolate is a whole other story and I'll never get over that,or cheetos. I just don't bring it in the house now.

So, I'm doing better this week than the past 3 weeks which is good. But I want to do so much better. I am down to 262 this morning so I lost 2 of the 5 pounds I gained back this past few weeks so I feel much better. But I am still a bit disappointed at my backsliding. But that is done now so I am moving in the right direction (on the scale anyway).
I love me more than m&m's...
I love me more than m&m's...
I love me more than m&m's...
my new mantra!

[gettnbusy]

Sometimes my standards are too high. I realize this and I am really trying to get rid of my all or nothing thinking patterns but it's hard. Human nature is hard to deal with, especially my own. I let myself down every day in something. Anyway...
I am down 1 pound this week so I feel a bit better than no weight was gained.

[gratefuldeb67]

A pound down is awesome!!!!!
Have a great week Christi!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[gettnbusy]

Failure today, good yesterday. Hmmm... why am I on this see saw? I have let it all slip.... I keep gettn back up but Ive slipped too many times. I did go out & walk tonite with the boys which I havent done for 3 weeks so thats good. I think the trick is to do it RIGHT WHEN I GET HOME so that nothing distracts me and takes up my time instead. things like studying, eating / making dinner, playing, watching TV, Internet, bills, mail, banking...whatever. So... I suppose that is my plan each night after work (if not raining) I will take a walk with boys or similar. If it's raining I will do pilates. I know I can do this, I've chosen poorly lately. I'm a bit lonely I think. Anyway...
went to the doctor yesterday for my 90 day checkup and my blood pressure is down (YAY) to 118/70 from where it started at 150/90. I am going tomorrow or Thursday morning to get my new blood panels done to check my cholesterol levels. they were atrocious 90 days ago; Im surprised my body still walks the earth. Thank God for that! The docs scale was a bit different from mine & I was wearing heavy jeans & shoes so I hope that is why their scale was different than mine. Her scale said I weighed 264. So that means I've only lost 14 instead of 16-18 like I thought. Not so bad, but I definitely need to work harder and stop this self induced slacking and make better choices EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY. Man - what is wrong with me? Anyway - here it goes again...Better day tomorrow

[Rollo]

Hi Christi,

BIG congrats on your BP numbers! Yay! I read through most of your check in posts the other day, wow, you've been dealing with a lot. I admire your keep-on-keepin'-on philosophy. Have a good No S day!

[gettnbusy]

Thanks Rollo!
OK - this week has been my best week I think in about a month. I've done really well and I've lost every pound that I gained back (whcih was about 4-5 over the course of 3-4 weeks). So now I'm back at that ending point of 260 pounds. I think I may have freaked my body out when I reset my goal for Christmas and my subconscious just took over & let me fall down over & over again. Anyway - I am back to my program and working towards my goals, they may be a lil bit behind but Im still gonna get there. I hate my big fat ass.

I was online the other day and I went onto AOL for a free trial. So I find this BBW lover room. I go in there just to check it out. Did you know they have fat people parties and there are men and women who just love the fat? I am all about a positive body image, but when is fat EVER sexy? I just didn't get it. Don't send me hate mail cus you love your big fat ass and I don't. This is MY personal check in so use your own space for your soapbox, not mine. I hate fat. It has nearly destroyed my life as a matter of fact. You'll never change my mind.

[gettnbusy]

Things going great... been a good week.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving but NOT for the food, for the family!!
Although I will have some of my sisters pecan candied sweet potatoes, my moms chunky gravy with potatoes and turkey and rolls & a piece of pumpkin pie. But I have no desire to pig out. I don't think my stomach could handle it anyway - my meals are very small nowadays and my stomach has been shrinking!
Surprisingly...my ex has been really nice lately; he is even doing the kids laundry today. Probably because the divorce trial is in 3 weeks and he hasnt paid any support so he is trying to "do good" thing to present to the judge. HA HA HA. Like any of the recent niceities (sp?) make up for what he's put us all through. Sheesh.
Aside from that..things are great.

[gettnbusy]

OK - after 3 months on program stats:
Starting: 08/15/06
Weight: 278
Waist 53" ~I was like a barrel! no waist! and my belly was further than boobs
Chest 52"
Calves 19 1/4"
Thigh 29"

TODAY: 11/19/06
Weight: 258 (Down 20 #'s)
Arm: 15 1/2"
Chest 50"
Waist 48"
Hips 48"
Calves: 18"
Thigh 27 3/4"
Neck 16"

Slow, but progressing. I am only 8 pounds away from my Christmas goal of 250 #'s and I have 6 weeks to do it in. It will be exra tough and I'll have to step up my excercising. It's easy to say, not as easy to do. I will recruit my son to help me force myself to take a walk every day. I can't stand his guilt trips; he's so cute!

PS: I put my 3 gallon jug on the scale (it was more like 2 1/2 gallons) and weighed it - it was 21 pounds. And I had a very hard time lifting that onto the cooler. So that tells me how much heft my heart doesn't have to pump for anymore. AMEN!

[pangelsue]

I just can't express how impressed I am with your progress, you awesome girl, you!!!! The lost pounds, inches, and BP points are all so amazing. Even more amazing is that you did all that in only 3 months! You are the poster child for this website today!!! Rock on to Christmas and enlist that irresistable son of yours to get you walking. That is also great bonding time with a child. Think what a wonderful impression you are making on him for setting and achieving life goals. I am so happy for you.

[david]

Yay! Christi rules the school!!!

--david

[gettnbusy]

Oh MAN! I SUCK SO BAD this past week. I COMPLETELY LET GO OF NO S. Don't spank me Reinhard...ok,well maybe a lil bit <wink> J/K!

I got on the scale this morning. UGH. I went off my water pills too because my blood pressure came down so far so I didn't need them anymore. I also was sick last week, probably part of the big loss that week. Apparently, my binge, sickness and the lack of water pills to keep off the excess has resulted in a shameful weight gain. OMG. I didn't think it was possible to gain that much weight in such a short period of time. My weight went back up to 264. OMG. So, that is a total of 6 pounds. So now I feel soooo bad.

I'm not giving up, I'm just HIGHLY disappointed. I am sure I probably only gained a couple of those pounds due to actual eating, the rest is probably an inflated loss the week prior due to the sickness and a few pounds of fluid retention that wasn't showing before due to the water pills.

Man, I still can't believe it. Back to it!

[gettnbusy]

WTF?!?! OK - so there is something going on with my fluids or something becuase this morning I got on the scale and it went back down to 260. I don't know what to think. I did alot of excercise yesterday (meaning I was up cleaning for 3 hours when I got home instead of sitting in front of the babysitter TV). But I know that didn't do it. WTF happened? I am so perplexed!

So, did I really gain all that weight I thought I had yesterday or was it just a big poop or something? I have no idea. So strange!

So - I guess I will wait until the end of this week and see if the weight remains similar to 260 or 264 at my weigh-in. This is still really weird.
But I did start my new 21 day habit building NO S eating plan again yesterday. I needed to start over because poor eating patterns were becoming a habit again so I need to be strict for the next 3 weeks while I re-learn my plan.

Weird things the body does.

[flsunshine]

Gtnbsy, Sorry your having fluctuations with your weight that are making you crazy. But, it still seems as though you are in a very impressive downward trend. Congratulations! It is inspiring!

Thanks for your note on my thread. It actually got me motivated to post something (anything), and, you're right, it made me realize that once you start posting, then you start thinking about it, then you've got to do it!!

[gettnbusy]

Had a roast beef sandwich yesterday and a pastrami today. Fatty meat. YUM. It fit on the plate and I ate nothing else. That is my reasoning

But dinner tonite will probably be just bread and 1/2 bowl of soup or a veggie (if I can find one in my house!)

Staying steady at the 260 #'s though No upward or downward. I probably need to excercise tonight to boost my metabolism a bit. Burn an extra 150 calories each day can really help me lose an extra 1/3 pound or so per week that I would not normally lose. All it takes is 20-30 minutes for me of some type of activity. Even cleaning. So maybe I will do that. I don't have the boys tonight and the laundery room is 2 flights down so that takes up some calories! OK, I will do laundry and try again to get back into the pilates. It was fun for a bit but my mat split in two so now I have to do it on the hard floor and it is NOT good for anyones back. I need to find $ to buy another mat. Maybe I'll just walk and take my weights with me. Hmmm. We'll see. I do much better if I have a plan. So I am going to PLAN on doing laundry and taking a 20 minute walk up to Colorado and back with my 5# weights in my hands. That will do it. OK I'm off to home. I feel good today, even with the Pastrami fiasco

[gettnbusy]

Last night was good. I came home & immediately got dressed for walking and went on a 30 minute walk and went a bit further than normal. Came home and remembered I had bad stuff for lunch so I had a chicken salad, non fat garlic italian dressing for dinner. BUT... I had the last piece leftover of pumkin pie. Not the end of the world but it was done.

I did a bit of chores last night and then picked up the boys and we stayed up too late playing together on the bed. I always do that when they go to their dads cus I miss em so much when they are gone.

Tonight my older son wants to go see the big crane working at the high rise they are building on our street so we are planning on walking down there after work so that will be our excercise and probably try to do the pilates thing. maybe. I was given a new video called Fast blasting yoga that I'm a bit afraid of trying. With my size anything that is fat-blasting is very hard on my body at this point so I'm hesitant to open it. It could be easy like pilates but ya never know.

Here is to another day down! As SpongeBob would say... I'm Ready! I'm Ready! I'm Ready! I'm Ready! I'm Ready!

Here we go kiddo.

[gettnbusy]

PS: Its true out of sight, out of mind... When I post on my page frequently and look at other people logs it keeps my goals in the front of my mind. When I take a break from here I start to do terrible. My goal is to come on here at least once a day to diary my thoughts about this.

[gettnbusy]

OK so I took the boys on a nice walk alst night. I ate a bad lunch so all I had was bread & chicken cubes for dinner. My legs are sore today! I work upstairs & have to go up & down all day long & Boy can I feel it!

Anyway - Doing good. I think that I should stop focusing so much on losing weight & just practice more on making better choices. I am spending WAy too much time paying attention to my weight.

[gettnbusy]

Doiing pretty good this week although I couldn't resist the FUDGE. OH MY GOODNESS I forgot how good fudge was. DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON FUDGE IS PRESENT! I must stay away from the fudge - it is at least 200-300 calories per little tiny piece and surely close to 20 fat grams. Right to my ass it will go!

But everything else is good. I got divroced on Monday so that stress is finally off of me. YAY.

Life is good.

[hexagon]

Good for you for sticking to this (even if you did have a bit of fudge, you're doing really really well). I don't know if I could have done as well as you if I had all of that stressful stuff going on, so go you! Your posts are inspiring to me.

[gettnbusy]

Last nite was great - I was able to stay away from most of the goodies at the office Christmas party - although my downfall was the Grey Goose and the taco bar~YUM!!!

All is still good. Consistent with the plan...I am down a tiny bit each time I weigh myself. Which is better than being up each week!

I have almost given up on losing a significant amount of weight since I lack the motivation and time to go full tilt with an excercise program. So I will focus on what I can which is the food intake. I did have some more fudge. Its the ultimate for me. I would trade any piece of food for a piece of fudge every time. So all together this week I had 5 pieces of fudge. That is probably about 1/3 pound of weight that I won't lose this week calorie wise. Oh well. I'm still forging ahead.

[gettnbusy]

I ate funnel cake today and I'm so glad I don't eat all that fried crap anymore. That's all it is. It is still sitting like an undigested rock covered in grease in my stomach. I'd really like to get rid of it to not have this awful queasy, greasy feeling anymore but I've never been able to do that.

For dinner I had a lean cuisine not because I was hungry but I was trying to "push" the funnel cake down. Unsuccessful so far. I don't even know if I can sleep like this. Never again! I didn't even eat 1/2 of it either. Man, this gettn healthy thing has it's side effects doesnt it?

I'm outta here....