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Tess’ daily check in

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:27 pm
by eschano
Hi all, long time no see!
I basically had one long red streak since 2016 when I fell pregnant with my first baby. Now I have two under two and am struggling. All my good habits have been surplanted by bad ones but on the plus side I gained some good habits by having an active toddler.
For now I will focus on two habits.
I will follow NoS (I just went to write try to follow but I don’t want to try, I just want to do it) and I will take 15minutes each day to do some sort of movement.
I am starting right now which is 23.24pm in the UK going into an S weekend but still!
Very sorry that I haven’t managed to keep up with any of you but I look forward to catch up on your journeys in small increments. Having a newborn and a toddler who will turn two shortly sadly means that I will be very short on time. Can’t wait to share this journey with you and support you in yours.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:43 am
by lpearlmom
Hey wb!! Congrats on baby #2! My girls are exactly two years apart so I feel your pain. Just post when you can and don’t worry about catching on other ppl’s threads.

Hang in there. My girls both sleep till noon on the weekends now & fix most of their own meals. It gets better!

Linda 🌹

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:49 am
by Soprano
Ouch two under two :) congratulations it will get easier as will slipping back in to Nos. I think getting the eating sorted will be more important and easier than exercise so make that the priority

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 6:35 am
by eschano
Thank you so much Linda and J! Both girls are gorgeous but yes the age gap of 22 months can be a bit tough at this stage. Good idea to focus on eating.

I am starting this Monday with 85.5 kilogram and a BMI of 27.7 😱 this is my biggest ever not counting the height of my pregnancy 11 weeks ago. I know this is going to be a rough ride. I will focus on habit and only update my weight etc every month or so but focus on green rather than red days and fingers massively crossed that I won’t keep having red streaks like the last two years.

One of my biggest problems to watch out for for me is eating the rest of some of my toddlers food when she doesn’t finish.

As I am breastfeeding I am going with 4 meals a day for now with the fourth meal being on/in a small plate/small bowl.

Here we go....

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:49 am
by eschano
Well, I made it - my first green N day behind me 🙌
I had a lot of walking yesterday but decided to focus on food this week and the 15minutes next week because I have a bit of a dodgy stomach at the moment and it makes me not want to exercise.
Day 2 is always the hardest for me so will see what today brings. I would love to make it to the 21days club

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:23 am
by Soprano
You'll make it, we are all cheering you on :)

Well done on day 1

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:11 pm
by eschano
Thank you! This means a lot. The support on this forum and non-judgemental approach is really unmatched.

As predicted I am finding it tough. I went to softplay with the kids to tire them out but my toddler decided a ten minute catnap will do - she always was a great sleep fighter from day 1 unlike her sister - and I’m now exhausted and hungry and trying not to let my heightened irritability shine through. So much easier to medicate with chocolate and sugar. But I am making it work. Just another hour before DH comes home. The state of this house though.... that is another story

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 6:35 am
by eschano
I made it through the dreaded “second day†so that is good. Two days isn’t huge but I am delighted about it!

Today will be another challenge as little toddler will be with her grandma in the afternoon and I used to sit in the livingroom with littlest baby and stuff my face so will have to create a new habit there.

Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 5:52 am
by eschano
Day three done with an insane amount on my plates. Yet, I’m still hungry which just shows how much I must have eaten before Monday if the excess that happens on my plates currently still leaves me hungry for meals

Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 5:56 am
by lpearlmom
Well done! Perfectly okay to like those plates while you get back on habit. Plus you’re using up lots of energy caring for those babies. 💜

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 6:01 am
by eschano
Thank you Linda!
Another green day yesterday although I had a homemade hot chocolate (warm milk with 100% chocolate and a teaspoon of cinnamon and a teaspoon of maple syrup) but for the first few 21day batches I don’t worry about drinks until the habit is stable. It made a big difference filling me up after a salad dinner and get me through the night feeds.
I really want to get this right so I can pass on good habits to my children. I grew up with a mother with major food issues and remember her constantly criticising herself in the mirror and it had a huge impact on me going the other way. I just don’t want to burden my children with my own stuff when they will already have to fight an uphill battle against doctored advertisements, skinny dolls, etc

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 6:10 am
by Soprano
Do make sure you have satisfying meals whilst establishing the habit. You can address meal composition later...

Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:55 am
by eschano
Yay!! First week under the belt. So looking forward to my S day treats now.
Some things about my first week: turns out I don’t need the fourth meal for breastfeeding as long as I have enough carbs during the normal meals. And I might well have gained some weight as the plates were so heavy.

Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:13 am
by eschano
My weekend wasn’t too bad. It was too busy to be a binge weekend but at the same time I treated myself enough with the treats Inwas dreaming of all week to feel satisfied.
Week two will be interesting as my mum is coming tomorrow to stay for a week and she is a terrible influence. She keeps telling me to treat myself and then says I am fat on the same day. So it triggers all kinds of things but I am optimistic.

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2018 6:08 am
by eschano
Tough one yesterday but I kept it green. I have to mind my emotional eating triggers. I was very stressed so felt triggered but had a coffee instead and it worked out.

Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 3:49 pm
by eschano
The day is not over yet but a fail today. Fairly optimistic I can leave it at that instead of what the hell. I went to my mum’s and my favourite artisan chocolate shop and they had a new praline to taste. A ball of the diameter of one of my fingernails. Totally worth it but not great so early in the process. I bought a bag fo the weekend. It was right after lunch so at least not a snack as well. As predicted it is tough to keep to any form of moderation with my mum aka the diet saboteur here but I am not doing badly.

Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:11 pm
by Soprano
You have to be realistic and put it in perspective. That on its own will have very little impact just carry on and you'll be fine :)

Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 7:24 pm
by worth it
Hi eschano, welcome back!

I just wanted to say that the self care you are showing yourself during this time will set a great example for your 2 under 2! Even though it’s probably not yet obvious to them, your habit will be well developed by that time and they will definitely recognize your healthy relationship with food once they are a bit older.

Until then, keep it going! We are rooting for you!

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2018 7:17 am
by eschano
Thanks so much J and worth it!
Another day today. I feel much better since I don’t permasnack anymore. I feel lighter despite not being so 😠I think it is the rest my digestive system is getting in between the meals

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 5:14 am
by eschano
I made it and my mum noticed that I ate a lot less so I explained NoS to her. She said it sounds healthy but wouldn’t work for her which is unsurprising given her disordered and obsessive eating patterns. (Years and years of calorie counting) She is a good example of someone who got tiny with calorie counting and who has very little enjoyment from food now and still a very bad relationship to not just food but also her body.
She said NoS was a start but I’ll never get thin enough on it 🙄 (Kate moss thin)

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 3:57 pm
by eschano
I always find Friday the toughest day even though it should be the easiest as it is so close to the S days. I think it is because I feel the weekend begins on Friday evening but also because I am starting to dream about what treats I’ll get or worse start buying them and having them in my fridge. Still, I chose gorgeous treats and am looking forward to tomorrow!

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 5:55 pm
by jenji
Welcome back. I'm sorry that your mum is trying to impose her disordered thinking on you. Be good to yourself and keep building your habit muscle back up. Those long days at home are hard.

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 6:39 pm
by eschano
Many thanks Jen!

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:33 pm
by Soprano
eschano wrote:I made it and my mum noticed that I ate a lot less so I explained NoS to her. She said it sounds healthy but wouldn’t work for her which is unsurprising given her disordered and obsessive eating patterns. (Years and years of calorie counting) She is a good example of someone who got tiny with calorie counting and who has very little enjoyment from food now and still a very bad relationship to not just food but also her body.
She said NoS was a start but I’ll never get thin enough on it 🙄 (Kate moss thin)
Who wants to be Kate Moss thin anyway, you'll prove her wrong and have a nice healthy relationship to food!

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 5:46 am
by eschano
Thank you J!
I kind of made it through yesterday but With a fail as I had a few chips (about four) from my husband’s take away after my dinner. Again not a huge fail but I am fencing around the law for at least the first three months and will say this is a fail.
On the other hand absolutely delighted to wake up to a S day. Yay

Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 9:35 pm
by eschano
I’ve been an absolute idiot this weekend and overate on sweets quite a lot. A bit what I expected from S days in the beginning. I think partly because of the added stress from my mum being here and part rebellion against her watching my every bite and judging it. Even DH commented but I told him that it was unhelpful and only to comment on N day habits if he needs to comment at all.
I also felt deprivation mentality was rearing its head and I ate a piece of cheesecake just before getting ready for bed when I really didn’t need it or want it just because I can’t tomorrow. I should have frozen it. Let my stuffed tummy be a reminder of how that doesn’t work for me!

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 9:39 pm
by eschano
Had a real urge to stuff my face today and continue the S day bonanza. I scraped by luckily and I still feel stuffed. If I maintained this last week during my mum’s visit I will be happy enough. She is leaving early tomorrow morning so will have made it through this constant scrutiny. She is a big help with the little girls but also such a massive trigger for me despite me being a grown up woman in the mid-30s.
Hoping that stuffed feeling will pass soon.

Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 4:54 pm
by automatedeating
Hi eschano! I didn't even realize this was your thread with Tess title! So you are a Tess? :-) Nice to meet you!

I am trying to be pretty faithful to NoS right now, but not really reading many other threads, so sorry that I didn't even realize you had started a new one!

Reading your posts, I SO REMEMBER some of your feelings!!!! With toddlers and babies, the days are L-O-N-G!!!! I didn't start NoSing until my youngest was 4, so I'm sure I permasnacked at your stage. I think the hardest thing is fighting carb/sugar cravings due to extreme fatigue. I agree with the person that suggested just focus on the eating habits - don't put exercise pressure on. One thing at a time, and you are probably so damn exhausted all the time..... the best thing you can do to get more green days is to (I predict) get more sleep. Don't think that's really super possible, so just try to be gentle when you have fails. Aim for 80% compliance (not perfection).

Oh, and your S Days. So sorry that even hubby commented, and on top of that dealing with your mum. I can tell that you are already trying not to be hard on yourself about the overeating on S Days -- keep being gentle with yourself. You are an example of someone that knows wild S Days aren't your norm (once you've reestablished the good N Day habits), so you can trust the process.

If I could go back to those days, I think keeping a fairly bare pantry and fridge would have been the most useful. LOL, tricky to do with a toddler, but I still think if I had "minimized" the convenience foods around me I would have done better. Not sure if you even have convenience foods in your house, but you know that processed foods have been such a downfall for me.

Anyway, hang in there!! We are all cheering you on and I am just (super selfishly) so glad to see you back on the boards! I really really missed you!

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 6:36 am
by eschano
Awww Auto, what a lovely welcome back - your message totally made my day yesterday! I was thinking “yes, exactly that†about every single thing you said. While I wish I was a person who didn’t have convenience food at home and who followed Michael Pollan’s advice about eating real food etc I am not that person at this stage in my life 😂
And yes, Tess haha.
I saw some movement on the scale this week and while I am trying to think about behaviour and not weight it has still given me a bit of extra motivation that despite my heavy weekend I am still doing the right thing.

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 1:03 pm
by Octavia
Hi Tess,
Just thought I’d pop by to say hello. Thanks for checking in with me the other day!
Just sending support for your challenging situation! The little ones and your mum’s comments! When my DD was a baby, I simply couldn’t figure out what to do except sit and eat. And there was only one of her! I felt so trapped. And with a toddler, you’re in the kitchen all the time, preparing food.

Maybe you should let yourself be a bit crazy at weekends. I still have mad S days after doing No S for 9 months, but I’ve still lost weight. And I still eat convenience food - sometimes I’m too tired to even go to the supermarket and pick up pizzas, let alone visit an organic greengrocers and start grinding herbs into a pestle and mortar! 😂 I stack the cupboards full of M&S/Sainsbury’s tins of curry or chilli for those situations. :oops:

And the DD is now almost 16!

I once worked with a guy who was always banging on about how his wife was a superb cook and how they liked to ensure that their precious offspring was always fed proper, home-cooked meals. Well the kid was not very nice and the wife was not, ahem, ‘in shape’. So I say enjoy your convenience foods! My own Mum was the Findus Queen...

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 2:34 pm
by lpearlmom
Ugh, I can relate to the mom thing. My mom doesn’t really criticize me directly but her constant remarks about how she ate too much and checking calories on things (even though she’s now v thin) is a bit triggering for me.

I think you're a saint for putting up with your mom. I’m glad she’s helpful with the girls though. Now that she’s gone you can get back to the sanity of NoS without the pressure to be thin right now. There’s no rush. I wish I had found NoS when my kids were little. It would have saved me a lot of heartache!

Hang in there, you are doing great!

Linda

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 3:42 pm
by automatedeating
Just to clarify what my mind was thinking of when I said convenience foods -- chips, ice cream, cookies, etc. Haha Octavia thought I meant actual meals! Guess that shows how far I still have to go in my own desire to eat healthy. :lol:

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 6:12 am
by eschano
Thank you octavia, it is so lovely to meet people on here who just get it!
Linda, yes, exactly, I couldn’t have put it better than you did about the pressure of being thin right now.
Auto, haha, I thought you meant meals too haha. Yes, I don’t keep any Ss around during the week at the moment as it’s too much temptation.

Made it again yesterday but needed a homemade hot chocolate again (two spoons 100% organic cacao and 1/2 a teaspoon maple syrup) to get time through as I was very hungry after dinner. We are redoing our kitchen until Monday so meals are rushed and cold now. Not exactly how I like them on N days but it will be worth it.

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 8:27 pm
by eschano
Oh dear, Fridays eh? I think I am just already in treat-mode/weekend mode. Also my husband was home today doing the kitchen with his brother and buying treats for them knowing I couldn’t have any was tough. Then I went to a cafe with amazing muffins to meet a friend but I had no reason to have one as I can just go back tomorrow. Just lots of temptation and a weird day due to the works going on. I did fill both my lunch and dinner plates properly and decided that a salad for dinner (no oven or hob or microwave currently) just wouldn’t do it so we had take out but all within the bounds of NoS and I am quite proud I made it.
These were unhelpful thought I had:
NoS consists of completely made up rules so eating something on a Friday won’t be that bad
Nothing bad will happen if I have some chocolate
A little nibble can’t hurt
I deserve a treat
It’s so hot (note this could be also cold, rainy, windy etc at other times) and a treat will help me cope
They (meaning the thin people who surround me) are also having a treat so I can too.

Now, all of the thought are kind of true but obviously they miss out the other side of the coin: I feel better on NoS. I would always have a “last day†syndrom even if I did it the opposite way where I ate “freely†5 days a week and “orderly†2 days - I’d still struggle on that last day as I just like to rebel a little. I deserve above all to feel good in my body and about my body which is better then instant satisfaction. I like being slightly hungry for meals. I like saving money as well as doing something kind for myself. I like the sociability of NoS. Friday is a work day. I can get all those treats TOMORROW. So there we go.

I made it and am very proud.

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:57 pm
by automatedeating
Hurray! And also -- nice job combating your self-talk!

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:52 pm
by lpearlmom
Woot! Great job identifying those thoughts and boy do they sound familiar. 🤔

Enjoy your treats tomorrow (if you still want them).

Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:43 am
by eschano
Thank you ladies!
I had a three day S weekend and was a bit of an idiot yesterday but ok the other days. N days come as a bit of a relief sometimes. I know exactly what happens - I panic with the thought of not being able to have things in the week on the S last day and then deprivation mindset sets in and I get stupid. But for now all I am doing is to notice that and focus on N days.

Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:19 pm
by automatedeating
Welcome to N Days!

Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 5:24 pm
by Octavia
Great to hear you’ve had some successful N days, Tess! 🙂

Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:35 pm
by eschano
Thank you ladies and spambot

I was very proud yesterday as it was DD1’s birthday party with her friends and I didn’t have the cake and just explained to the girls that I am being good during the week and already had a birthday cake as a special occasion on Monday (which was amazing) so this just didn’t qualify as I would end up eating some at three more occasions and they just accepted it and didn’t say any more about it. So yay!!! Had to have a big dinner as was hungry.
Today DD1 ate a quarter of my plate so I am hungry but just had a nap while she is at her grandma’s and it is just DD2 and me and thankfully DD2 is only 15weeks old so I can nap with her - now will have a decaf coffee and then it will be dinner time already!
Oh and we have the hob back and will get an oven tomorrow so that will be good too as finding it hard to make food without them. From experience here I can tell that salads for dinner are too advanced for me.

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:30 am
by eschano
I had a bizarrely huge dinner that actually put me off visually and still needed a hot chocolate to get me through last night and also was awake until 2am with an empty stomach. The thing is that I wasn’t massively hungry but I was full of energy. I often find that when dinners are of the lighter variety. If my system isn’t busy digesting I am full of beans and find it really hard to sleep. I assume my body will get used to it?

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:43 pm
by automatedeating
Thank you ladies and spambot
:lol:

Congrats on the birthday party successes! Don't you love it when you stick to your decision, anticipating possible push-back, and then people just respect your ability to say no? In this case, little girls? :-)

And I'm confused by your last post about the huge dinner but then full of energy? I guess you meant the huge dinner didn't look good to you so you barely ate anything?

Yeah, I would think that was an anomaly....but if I remember right, I had some things like that happen when I had newborns. I think we are already such extremely light sleepers at that stage that we can't sleep through mild hunger pains or something like that. At least, it's a guess. I always love to speculate! :wink:

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2018 7:06 am
by eschano
Thank you auto!
I meant that despite a huge dinner I still had an empty stomach and was awake for ages.
Today is not a great start. I have mastitis and need to get medicines for it but feeling so sad for myself (🙈) that I just want chocolate. It doesn’t help that there is no proper breakfast in the house as I forgot to make my overnight oats. Alas, I hope to make it through it. I know mastitis could be an S day but I don’t see why. My stomach is not affected whatsoever

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:31 pm
by automatedeating
Oh that is such a bummer!!! I'm so sorry about the mastitis. Hang in there, rest as much as possible (no play dates, lol).

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:43 pm
by eschano
Nope I have totally blown it. Nothing like a sick-day on the couch to get the Cookie Monster out in me. I guess mark it and move on!

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:38 am
by eschano
Ok so I am switching for today. I know there should be no funny switching business this early in the process but I am on holiday Monday-Monday so I won’t feel deprived

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 1:24 pm
by automatedeating
So today is an N Day for you this week? Good luck.
Also, how is the mastitis? (That scourge of mothering!!)

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:45 am
by Soprano
eschano wrote:Thank you auto!
I meant that despite a huge dinner I still had an empty stomach and was awake for ages.
Today is not a great start. I have mastitis and need to get medicines for it but feeling so sad for myself (🙈) that I just want chocolate. It doesn’t help that there is no proper breakfast in the house as I forgot to make my overnight oats. Alas, I hope to make it through it. I know mastitis could be an S day but I don’t see why. My stomach is not affected whatsoever
Hope you are starting to feel better and the kitchen gets sorted soon :)

Jx

Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:12 pm
by automatedeating
Hi Eschano! Is your kitchen finished and are you healthy again?

Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2018 6:50 am
by eschano
Hello! I’m back from our vacation and had a successful N day yesterday. In fact I left some of my dinner as the portion - within NoS aka on a plate - was ridiculous. I loved our vacation and ate what I wanted but we also racked up lots of walked kilometers and I didn’t gain anything.

Thank you for asking - yes the kitchen is finished now except for a lick of paint and it is lovely. And yes, I am healthy again which is great! Apologies auto and soprano that I wasn’t in contact earlier as I was never really on the internet while away.

Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2018 3:24 pm
by automatedeating
I hope you had a great vacation! Traveling with an infant an a toddler....um....not the easiest!

And OMG no apologies needed -- we are all here to support each other, not to be an extra burden or obligation.

Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2018 1:07 pm
by eschano
Thank you, it was! Since coming back things have been crazy. DD1 started nursery and promptly made the whole family ill and I had one solid red week 🙈 just too busy with two ill kids and not feeling good myself either.

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:41 pm
by automatedeating
Hi Tess, hope you are feeling better and that life is settling down a little bit. I bet your newest little one is getting to that ultra-adorable smiley stage. :-)

Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:52 pm
by eschano
Thank you auto!
I’m back from holiday and tomorrow will be my first day back on NoS and I am dreading it haha! But I just have to get through the first weeks. I wish I had just kept it going at our first holidays as I never managed to get back into it but now we are staying put for quite some time so fingers crossed I’ll manage.

Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:55 pm
by automatedeating
Ha! I bet it won't be as bad as you fear. BTW, you are doing 4 meals/day, right -- while you are breast-feeding? I think that is a good idea. For me, while home with babies, eating broke up the monotony and cheered me up (what can I say, I'm not super maternal + I was so bored and tired). Perhaps young motherhood goes better for you, lol. I know it did for almost all of my friends than me, haha.

Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:57 pm
by eschano
Nope, you basically summed up my experience too 😂 I love my kids so much and feel so lucky and grateful to have them but I certainly find it boring at times at this point.

Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:14 pm
by eschano
Wow there is so much going on here and I had lots of excuses not to follow NoS - and it seems I took them all.
I’m on it again as of today as I am ballooning. I know it will be a real struggle in the first week but I just need to do it now. Every time I drop off the check in is when I stop doing it so I will try to keep on here. I am also aware the holidays are rushing my way and I cannot wait to take action until they are over.

Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:25 pm
by automatedeating
Maybe you can consider your check-in thread a 15 minute time for you to journal/vent about everything going on for you. I certainly know that's how I use it, and that seems to make it something I want to do regularly. As opposed to if I only talked about food. That would get old quickly. :-)

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 7:46 am
by eschano
It’s three hours into the first day and all I want to do is to stuff my face. We had 4 nightfeeds of the littlest one last night and a 5am wake up of the DD1 thanks to daylight saving.
When I am tired I find it especially hard to stay strong and not give into unlimited chocolate and other sugary treats.

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 12:28 pm
by Soprano
eschano wrote:It’s three hours into the first day and all I want to do is to stuff my face. We had 4 nightfeeds of the littlest one last night and a 5am wake up of the DD1 thanks to daylight saving.
When I am tired I find it especially hard to stay strong and not give into unlimited chocolate and other sugary treats.
We are all rooting for you, use the habitcal :)

Jx

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 2:42 pm
by eschano
Thank you! I’m still only thinking of sugary food but it is early afternoon now and so far so good but I am definitely struggling

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 3:44 pm
by automatedeating
Hang in there! I so know the siren call of carby foods when I am tired. It does provide a short term lift, but then I feel even more tired later.

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 5:40 pm
by Imogen Morley
Hi Eschano! Dropping by to say hello and give you a big virtual hug. I'm exactly in the same place as you are, No-S- and motherhood-wise, so feel free to vent here and rest assured that some of us will read it with great interest. Auto's idea is fantastic, I might actually use it myself.
Fatigue is a real killer for me, too. Does coffee do anything for you when you're tired? Maybe some loud, energetic music?

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:37 pm
by eschano
Thank you both!
Imogen, that’s good to know that someone else is in the same place 🙌.
Also that not everyone is bored reading this. I’m still breastfeeding so no caffeine for me but music is such a good idea - I massively underuse music.
I might just about have made it today. The next two days will be interesting too as I am hosting two Halloween play dates with plenty of treats so will be a bit of a test.

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 3:28 am
by automatedeating
I'm thinking you have a very healthy and active social life as a young mom! Go you! Although it comes with its own challenges, connection is almost always better than no-connection, ya know? :-)

Again, from the "long poster" herself, do NOT worry what anyone else thinks when they read your post (well, to be honest, I try to keep away from controversial topics on my thread, but other than that, I'm pretty transparent). Just don't feel you have to entertain us. When we are busy, we just won't read it all. LOL. I can't imagine anyone ever reads all my entries. My god, they wouldn't have time to brush their teeth! Remember - your thread is for YOU!

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:45 pm
by eschano
Thank you auto!
I was lucky to meet a really good group in my antenatal classes and we see each other a lot, which is amazing for my health really except for the toddler sweets, ha!
I’m so proud as I made it through both days without any snacking or sweets or seconds although my plates were interestingly full so maybe the seconds could be debatable.
But so happy I made it this far and hoping for another two green days but taking it one meal at a time.

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2018 5:38 am
by Soprano
It's amazing how those green day's add up when you take them one at a time. I'm always surprised how easy nos is once you've ingrained the habits. It takes time and effort to start with but pays off...

Jx

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:08 am
by eschano
I can’t wait to get there J. I’m still fighting for the habit to stick for now. I’m in all morning with DD2 so finding it hard especially with the sweets in the cupboard but so far so good.

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2018 2:27 pm
by automatedeating
I hope your day with DD2 went great today. Good job to ignore those cupboards!

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2018 9:24 pm
by eschano
I made it this week - yeah!
Not easily but I made it yay. Last time I had a brilliant start until I went on holiday. Part of that good start was me re-reading the NoS book so I’m just going to do this again now. I really want to get it properly. I don’t want to continue getting bigger and I would love to be a positive example for my girls. Here’s to a great and fulfilling S-Day weekend and hopefully another great week.

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:29 am
by automatedeating
Happy S Days! Just you being you - the wonderful person you are - is such a great gift that your girls have. Such a supportive, empathetic, patient, non-judgemental person you are! I bet you are a great listener for them and your hubby.

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2018 7:44 pm
by Imogen Morley
Seeing yourself as an example can be very motivating. So is re-reading the book! I've just ordered my second copy (the previous one vanished, probably went to Germany with the friend I had lent it to, LOL). Congratulations on your successful week! You're my inspiration!

Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 5:40 am
by Soprano
eschano wrote:I made it this week - yeah!
Not easily but I made it yay. Last time I had a brilliant start until I went on holiday. Part of that good start was me re-reading the NoS book so I’m just going to do this again now. I really want to get it properly. I don’t want to continue getting bigger and I would love to be a positive example for my girls. Here’s to a great and fulfilling S-Day weekend and hopefully another great week.
Congrats on a successful week :)

Jx

Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 3:50 pm
by lpearlmom
Yay so happy for you ! You got this!

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:41 am
by eschano
Good morning! I had a ridiculously heavy S weekend but am glad for it as I feel ready for the week. However, those Halloween chocolates in the house 🙈. Good luck everyone!

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2018 4:21 pm
by eschano
A very heavy N day followed by another one. I’m having ridiculous portions but I feel like I have to to make it through the days at the moment so that is what I am doing.

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2018 8:11 pm
by Imogen Morley
Pile those plates up as much as you need. It's only the first, habit-forming phase, there's still time to readjust portions later if you feel like it. Wishing you perfect compliance this week!

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 1:43 pm
by alene1
Halloween is definitely a very challenging time of year! You're doing very well, and having 2 young kids really ups the difficulty level. Things will level off with the portions over time.

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 1:59 pm
by automatedeating
Have a great week eschano - well, gosh, I guess it's almost Thursday for you. So...hoping this week has gone well.

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 6:27 pm
by jenji
I have to get the candy out of my house. My boyfriend considers it Darwinian. He accused me of preying on the weak by bringing it to work. But meanwhile he is the one who overbought!

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 2:22 pm
by eschano
Haha ladies! Preying on the weak.
Well, I didn’t make it. On Wednesday I had a fail and it wasn’t for the halloween candy - I actually went out and bought a treat 🙈
So that was out of tiredness which is my #1 reason for a fail for sure.
Then Thursday was a success and Friday would have been a success except DD1 got so ill with that we ended up in a&e for three hours in the middle of the night and I stuffed my face with chocolate there trying to be less nervous.
Then after two s days I haven’t managed to get back yet. DD1 is finally over it but DD2 is a handful now. I didn’t have big fails, not what the hell, but definite fails. Tomorrow is another day and I will try to keep today to the sweets I had.
Take away: tiredness and stress is a bad combo for my diet so I need to find other ways to comfort myself and get energy that are reasonable with two kiddos.
Any introvert mummies out there who know the struggle to find energy and found new things? I used to sit and read in a cafe and had long baths but neither is reasonable at the moment.

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 2:58 pm
by automatedeating
Ah, Tess - I so understand how you feel. Parenting is such a long, tough road.

I do have a suggestion! It is not cheap, and it will take a commitment to self-care (ie being willing to leave the kids with someone else despite every fiber of your being resisting). Leave your husband with the kids and go to a hotel for a night. I did it 1-2 times a year, although I didn't start until my second son was 3. I wish I had started earlier. I know that in your case, the whole pumping and preparing to leave is probably insurmountable right NOW, but keep my suggestion in mind for when the time is right.

I would go to a hotel, BY MYSELF. I would do exactly what you said you like to do - read a book, take a bath, and I would also watch TV. I'd order in room service and I seriously didn't leave my hotel room. If that doesn't describe the need for peace & calm that introverts crave (and I'm not even a pure introvert!!), then I don't know what else would be a better description, lol. Sometimes I'd do a bit of crying, journaling about my life and what my priorities are, and praying. By the next day, when I checked out, I'd return home with this newfound sense of - I am grateful for my family, I can do this, and a commitment to continuing to take care of myself.

Summary to long soap-box speech - leave the children with others and go away. It takes a village. I think it (literally) drove me to the edge of sanity trying to raise my kids without family and friends chipping in to give me breaks.

As I reread your thread, I realize though my suggestion may not seem very helpful in the moment of temptation. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that we have to foster/nurture/plan ahead to care for ourselves so that WHEN then moment comes, we can dig down to that place where our care for ourselves knows it's best to forego the craving. You are in the trenches right now. It won't get any worse (fatigue wise) than where you are right now, if that helps. :roll:

Um, for immediate practical help, I still come back to keep your trigger foods completely out of the house. Throw them away on Monday morning. And then I always fell back on getting out of the house to go on a walk, or take the kids to one of those indoor play-places. You can sit and nurse little one while first kiddo romps like a maniac.

Lastly, I see no problem with you getting a delicious caffeine-filled latte about 2 or 3pm when you think you're going to collapse. Caffeine is not the end of the world for you or baby, and, over the years, I've found nothing better than milk to prevent having a red day. Seriously!

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:56 am
by eschano
Oh wow auto, that is my absolute dream and my husband promised me to check me into a spa the moment I stop breastfeeding but that won’t be for another 6 or so months so until then I’m their number 1. Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely my choice to breastfeed so I’m not complaining. I love it, it’s convenient and the bond is so strong. Mainly, I feel like I can only do this now or never as once I stop for a while it won’t be possible. I tried pumping but can’t get on with it at all. I had two fat little babies but somehow the breast pump only gets drizzles despite being strong and electric.
But anyways, I have this scheduled in ASAP once I stop.
I stuffed my face this week. We had 10days of fever in this house and now DD2 has it too, two trips to the a&e, four trips to the doctor and they can’t figure it out but back tomorrow as GP thinks DD1 has an infection as well as a virus. Anyways, I stress eat and sadly succumbed but today so far so good and will try to stick to it as much as possible.

Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2018 2:54 pm
by lpearlmom
Oh sorry DD1 is sick. That’s the worst. I loved breastfeeding too. I breastfed my first daughter till I got pregnant with the 2nd at about 15 months then I breastfed my 2nd till she was two. My second refused a bottle so it was all me for two years. Honestly I could have gone for another year but feeling the social pressure to wean. Anyway glad you’re enjoying the experience. You’re right, once you’re done, you’re done for good.

Hope they find out what’s wrong with your daughter today.

Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2018 11:11 pm
by eschano
Linda, I’m the same! I breastfeed DD1 until I found out I was pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 13 months and now I’m breastfeeding DD2 and the plan is for at least one year but most likely longer.
We are all finally on the mend and I have hit absolute rock bottom diet wise. The realisation that I can’t continue to live like this just hit me square in the face.
I am not taking any care of myself nor self care. I need something far bigger than NoS. I need a whole system where I can fail on some things but still win on others. I am going down a dangerous road that makes me unhappy and I can’t do this.
These last two months have been really quite taxing as my two best friends - both were pregnant and due about now. Boy, was I jealous they were able to do it together. ut two months ago their fates diverged tragically and while one of my friends welcomed her baby daughter today my other friend had to bury hers a few weeks ago.
This situation is not about me. Not even a little bit but as his is my journal on this board I feel not too selfish to say that since this happened I have been spreading myself too thin and it is starting to catch up with me now. It was my privilege to be there for both of them when they needed me when I was so blessed to already hold my two babies in my arms every day. I just think that between supporting both practically and emotionally and trying to be a good mummy to my two daughters I not only have been neglecting my fantastic husband but also myself big time. Our house is a mess to the point where it affects my mental health (and probably my physical one? 🤷â€â™€ï¸), I have been zombi-esque whenever I have a minute to tune out and I have done absolutely nothing I find in any shape or form engaging (I love my daughters but the kind of play possible under 3 years is not really for me. Their laughter makes my heart sing but my mind still lies idle playing peekaboo or hide and seek with a kid that hides with her face turned away 💖😂).
On top of this there is no physical activity that nurtures me apart from the odd family dance party in the kitchen.

So here comes the system which might well be completely rewritten and changed and is based on something I’ve done before with success within NoS:

DoSomething: any form of physical activity for 15minutes - even if just stretching.

LoveYourself: do something kind for myself every day. Allow myself to read a book, take a bath, light the candles, colour in, etc something fun and immersive or relaxing non-food related.

NoS: I feel so much better on it so vanilla for me

I also need something around tidying and spending but not yet sure what.

Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2018 11:12 pm
by eschano
And so sorry I’m not up to date with your journeys - Love to you all - you fantastic people on this board!!!
I won’t have time to properly catch up - just here or there but I couldn’t like this community more and feel so much positivity towards you all

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:59 am
by Soprano
So sorry to read of the bad times you are going through. You've been a good supportive friend and it is now time for you.

Sending big hugs.

I too found games with toddlers difficult so don't feel bad about it.

Re cleaning break it down in to small daily tasks so you achieve something every day. It doesn't really matter but I know it can bug you so best to feel you are making some progress.

Take care and keep posting we are all here for you.

But is there anyone you can ask for help from nearby, family, neighbour?

Jx

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:08 am
by eschano
Thank you J! Well it’s not really me having a tough time I just forgot myself when others are having a tough time around me. I have to say baby loss or child loss in general must be the single saddest thing in this world but I know she will pull through it with a lot of help.
Good idea about the breaking it down. And I must become much more vigilant with putting things back before getting new toys out or leaving.
Yes thankfully my mum is coming for a week on Monday and I cannot wait!

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2018 3:16 pm
by lpearlmom
Big hugs! Self-care is so important but I know how hard it is in those early years. I like your plan! I agree about breaking it down. I use the timer a lot. I’ll clean an area that’s really bothering me for 10-15 mins and it’s amazing how much I end up getting done. Also, I’ll play little games with myself like every time I enter a room I’ll put 3 items away or something.

So incredibly sad about your friend. I can’t even imagine. So great you’re there for her. Just try to fill up your glass a bit too. Yay for your mum coming! I know that’ll help a lot!

Hang in there! My girls sleep till 10 on the weekends and can stay home alone while I go to the gym or the nail salon so self-care definitely easier these days. It gets better!

💜💜💜

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2018 10:50 pm
by eschano
Thank you so much Linda, much needed words there.

So I didn’t manage on noS nor movement but self-care was a success. I did allow myself to buy something - a self-care journal that will be delivered in the next two weeks and which I cannot wait to start in January and also allowed myself to read two more chapters of this amazing book, “ask me his name†which is such a beautiful book about baby loss but really it is about resilience and grief. Highly recommend it!

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2018 12:18 am
by automatedeating
Hi Tess!
Just catching up now. It doesn't surprise me that you are a wonderful friend in person, since we all know how great you are to all of us here on the forum.

Good job for getting that journal! That sounds exciting! I hope you share with us some of the tidbits as you travel 2019!

Cleaning - I'm with Linda on the timer use, although my house is usually still kind of messy. :roll: I also like to put on some music while I clean, and I do end up dancing sometimes! Sounds like you are a dancy family!

And I'm sure I've told you before, but the baby/toddler years are not exactly my forte. :wink: Glad your mom is visiting! But, Do NOT let her make comments about dieting. Grrrr. There for ya, girl.

Re: Moving. I recommend buying a pull-up bar to hang in a doorway. We got the "Iron Gym Total Upper Body Workout Bar". It hangs in Creator's bedroom doorway and we all love it. 15 minutes of exercise sounds like a lot, haha. Maybe jump up on this thing and see how close you can get to a pull-up. Way more fun!! I actually got to the point that I can do TWO pull-ups!! And I started unable to do barely any "pull" at all. And it's fun, and only takes like 1 minute a day. I get out of breath, and at first I got ab cramps! Like sheesh, it works your core, too! Anyway, my 2 cents is that 15 minutes sounds kind of unrealistic when you have no freetime away from DD2 and you mostly feel exhausted and unmotivated. If I'd tried stretching when I was at your motherhood stage (as you mentioned) I'd probably end up falling asleep in a weird position on the floor. :roll: The pullup thing actually GIVES energy rather than taketh away, hehe.

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:01 pm
by eschano
Thank you auto that is so kind!
My mum told me all about dieting while also buying me exciting chocolates any time she could so let’s just say November was a write off haha!
Hoping December is better. Just finished my second day and I have a sugar-deprivation headache. Oh dear. So here’s to a new start yet again. I think Reinhard has a podcast on how it takes on average 12 times? I must be near that now.

Love the pull up idea! Have a feeling my husband won’t be delighted though ha!

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:35 pm
by eschano
Saturday - s day, kindness: threw our annual Christmas party and enjoyed seeing so many lovely people, hosting counts as cardio, right?
Sunday- s day, kindness: cinema with hubby- first time since the littlest one was born; do something: running late for the cinema so we powerwalked there for 15minutes
Monday - green, kindness: starting no s again!, do something: red
Tuesday - green, kindness: this is really my husband’s kindness to me rather than mine but he let me “sleep in until 7.30†which is when the littlest one gets up and got the little one dressed and off to her morning preschool session without waking me, do something: red


Oh also I had an amazing week last week while my mum was here managing some lovely me-time with reflexology and getting my eyebrows done and going to the cinema with my husband and I feel much more grounded for those things

Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:14 pm
by eschano
Today just kind of worked NoS wise. In terms of kindness I went to the dentist and got my teeth fixed and while that made no impact on me being able to eat it is starting to work, I mean all this self care is starting to work. I got my eyebrows done, coloured my hair (I use henna) and my teeth fixed and reflexology done all in the last 10 days and while it wasn’t cheap and I seriously have to start doing cheaper things (ha!) I am starting to feel beautiful again and happy and that’s how NoS stuck last time. If I use NoS like a diet in terms of deprivation and punishment it never works for me. If I think of it as part of my self-care something clicks.
It’s like any idea of deprivation brings the rebel out in me and I find myself obsessively stuffing my face.
On the movement front there was only practical movement like running around town trying to find an elf on a shelf belatedly as I realised that it might be fun for my two year old afterall..

Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:29 pm
by eschano
So this week went well! I managed to stay green until my special dinner on Friday night with my mum friends. We all met when pregnant and they’ve been my lifeline. We had our Christmas dinner Friday so quite early and I went for three courses and it was lovely.

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:26 am
by Anna from KC
Great! You sound really happy! So glad for you.

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:33 am
by automatedeating
eschano wrote: I am starting to feel beautiful again and happy and that’s how NoS stuck last time. If I use NoS like a diet in terms of deprivation and punishment it never works for me. If I think of it as part of my self-care something clicks.
YES! Absolutely! So wonderful, so perfect. Love this!!!

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:05 pm
by lpearlmom
Yay! Sounds like things are falling into place again for you. Self-care is so important and everyone benefits especially your kids. You will be such a better mum when your glass is full and you’re also being a good role model for them.

Your dinner sounds wonderful! Keeping those friendships alive is such a great thing.

You’re doing great!

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:59 pm
by eschano
Thank you ladies!
After a big S day weekend I’m back on it. I have a cold and feel sorry for myself but will make sure that I am looking after myself so not to use food as a pick-me-up.

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:00 pm
by jenji
I love your concept of doing kindnesses for yourself. I may have to steal that.

Have you done any Youtube videos for workouts? I like Yoga with Adriene, and one thing I like about it is that her tone is 100% accepting, gentle, and kind in describing our bodies. I realized when my daughter was young that I didn't want her to overhear the way the trainers on "30-day shred" (my obsession at the time) talked about fat, dieting, and women's bodies. I realized that if it was toxic for her, it was toxic for me, too.