Jent's check in

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

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jent
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Jent's check in

Post by jent » Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:05 am

Hello. I'm Jen. I am so happy I found this site - thanks. Simple works for me ... three rules is perfect.

Today was a success. I'd heard that it takes 21 days to break a habit and develop a new one, so I've got 20 days to break the habit of mindless gluttony.

I am not particularly overweight, but I think I would head there if I continued down my recent path. It would be nice to get back to "high school" weight, which is 15 down from where I am now. But more than that, I just don't want to feel out of control about eating anymore. I don't like my lack of willpower, and its been confusing for me because, generally, when I set my mind to something, I do it. I exercise regularly, and I eat healthy foods. But the frequency and amounts of my food intake freak me out. I've been thinking it would be easier to not eat at all (obviously not an option). So the No-S diet is the next best thing I've seen. Just remember three rules, and I'm set. I don't have to obsess about calories or types of food, etc.

I'm only on Day 1, but I'm psyched about this. Thanks for creating it!

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Post by reinhard » Fri Jan 26, 2007 8:58 pm

Welcome, Jent! Just be glad your high school weight was something to aspire to -- so many kids nowadays are in pretty sad shape by then.

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Day 2 success

Post by jent » Sat Jan 27, 2007 2:16 am

Hi Reinhard!! I just read the thread that you've got a book coming out ... congratulations!!! I just came upon your site yesterday after googling diet blogs ... yours is so unique I figured you'd already published something. Thanks again for having this site ... I feel really lucky to be a part of it.

I've been reading about "fencing around the law", and it reminds me of a similar phrase in the american jurisprudence (I'm a lawyer): "avoiding the appearance of impropriety". Its the same concept, and its the phrase I've always used to set those hardcore lines for myself. But I like fencing around the law better ... historically, its more interesting, and I also like the spiritual aspect of it.

By the way - regarding your book: I was personally drawn to this site because of your sense of humor, your intelligence, the simplicity of your program, and, really, what caught my eye initially, all the quotes you use. Pithy sayings are a big motivator for me. For the same reason No S works for me, so do the Churchill quotes, fencing around the law, etc. If you scatter relevant, inspiring quotes throughout your book, I think you may attract an audience interested, ultimately, in the more philosophical self-improvement aspects of your program.

I've been reading that a lot of people are changing their relationship with food through your program. I really, really want to be able to do that as well. I've obsessed about food since I was about 10 years old, and I've never understood why. I hope that No-S is going to shift the paradigm for me. Even in two days, I can feel things shaking out and loosening up a little bit. Its pretty cool. I'm looking forward to the next 19 days and beyond.

jent
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weekend

Post by jent » Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:03 pm

I did two S days over the weekend, and I approached eating, snacking, gorging, and "hunger" in a whole new light. It was very cool.

On Saturday, I went to lunch at a Mexican restaurant. I ate chips /salsa and then ate the ridiculously large burrito, beans and rice entree. I ate all of it, because it was there, because it tasted good, and because I really wanted to feel full. And rather than feeling completely guilty about it afterwards, I just detached and kind of observed why I gorged myself.

There's something, for me, about the process of eating and of feeling stuffed that's very emotionally soothing. I guess I'd always known that, but I feel like I've reached a place (and a program) that will allow me to examine it more fully. When I'm really full, I feel like I'm under a warm blanket - that I can "check out" somehow. I haven't figured out the connection yet (having been at this for all of four days), but I'm looking forward to next weekend's S days to think about it some more.

In the meantime, I'm back to No-S. I had oatmeal and raisins this morning, and while I'm hungry right now, lunch isn't too far away. And I feel like I'm in control. (Maybe that's part of S days ... "checking out" equals license to be out of control?) Anyway, I feel really good. Thanks again for this site. I was ready for something like this, and I'm really glad I found you guys. I'm looking forward to reading more of the site.

Speaking of which, I haven't had the opportunity to read all the podcasts, etc. yet. Are there instructions on how often to weigh yourself? I am really looking at this as a lifestyle change, but I'm also interested in losing 15 or 20 pounds ... how's once a week to get on the scale?

Have a good day everyone!

jent
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success

Post by jent » Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:58 am

I think today is a success day. I had to eat a mini-meal before I went to the gym, so I ate 4 meals altogether. (My mini meal was a cheese stick and a tiny bowl of cereal in my toddler's plastic bowl).

I'm hungry now, but I ate again after the gym and that's that for today. Normally I would eat popcorn while I watch 24 tonight, but no dining with Jack Bauer tonight.

In counting the 21 days, do you count N and S days, or just 21 N days?

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Post by Jammin' Jan » Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:04 pm

N + S = 21.

Greetings from Washington DC. Welcome to No-S!

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success

Post by jent » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:34 am

hi Jammin' Jan! Blustery day out there, today, wasn't it?

I ate a lot today, but in three meals. Breakfast was a bagel w/egg and swiss cheese.

Lunch - noodle soup, granola, and crackers w/tuna.

Dinner - 4 - yes, 4 slices of pizza.

Believe it or not, its 10:15 and I'm a little hungry. I am not counting calories, but I'm pretty sure I ate enough to sustain myself today. So, I suppose I've just gotten used to eating tons of food. I'm looking forward to eating more moderately as a habit.

I'm starting to hear some of the excuses I've always used to eat more (snack/seconds). One just flitted through my mind ... "but I went to the gym today". (So? Am I saying that I need a reward for working out?)

I've also said today "but its so long until my next meal" (there's an underlying panic when I think this).

Also : "I'll get lightheaded and won't be able to function fully" (I don't even know what to make of this one).

And while I haven't employed this strategy since going on No-S, I'll throw it out there as one of my main excuses in the past: "I'll eat this now and then not have dinner/lunch/I'll diet tomorrow". I've been reading the podcasts, and I totally recognized myself in this little, seductive excuse to eat.

I'm glad I can record these thoughts, so I can come back and read them later. Now that they're here in black and white, I'll be less likely to be seduced by them. Thanks for the opportunity.

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success

Post by jent » Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:40 am

Ok, I lied. My main priority in doing the No-S diet is to lose weight. That became perfectly clear to me this morning when I weighed myself and hadn't lost any weight. So, for the time being, I'm going to stop observing my relationship with eating and actually start eating less. Smaller plates, less on them. I think I did ok today.

Breakfast - 2 eggs scrambled with swiss cheese and spinach - 1 slice diet bread.

Lunch - salad with beans, cheese, veggies, no-fat sour cream, salsa, and a small whole wheat tortilla. And a granola bar (is that a sweet?)

Dinner: popcorn, raisins, and a cup of yogurt.

Exercise: 3 mile run, 100 sit-ups, and upper body weights.

Right now I weigh 145-147. I always weighed 133 until I hit 35. Then, I've gradually been gaining weight. Since I had my son (2.5 years ago) I've gotten really flabby around the midsection too. I'd like to change back my setpoint to 133 again.

That's my goal, and I'm sticking to it :)

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Jent

Post by Kevin » Thu Feb 01, 2007 2:24 am

Another DCer... we're getting to be quite a movement!

It sounds like you are doing great... stick with it. I find, even when I've been starving before a meal, that if I take a minute during the meal on S days, I usually stop before I get to seconds.

Let me guess... Chipotle? Where the burritos are as big as your head?

Listen, your body will resist dropping the weight for a while. Don't let it flip you out. After a little while, you'll start losing. It's progress and plateaus. Resist the temptation to eat too little - that won't help either. It might take weeks just to get your body used to the new amount of food...

Good luck, and stick with it!
Kevin
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."

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Success

Post by jent » Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:37 am

Hey Kevin ... no, it wasn't Chipotle (although your post cracked me up). You made me feel better, because my burrito was considerably smaller than my head. How virtuous am I!

I had to eat 4 smaller meals again ... I just get ridiculously hungry. But I'm still within the spirit of No-S, so I'm counting today as a success.

Breakfast: same as yesterday.

Lunch - 1/2 a Krapow tofu entree (11:30 am)

then gym - ran three miles.

second lunch - other half of my tofu (3 pm)

dinner: salad with veggie burger, beans, a little cheese, and a small tortilla.


Again, its almost 8 and I'm still hungry. I'm looking at this list of food, and I shouldn't be ... but I am. Oh, well. Breakfast is just around the corner :)

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four meals?

Post by Kevin » Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:09 am

That was not four meals, that was three meals virtually plated. Perfectly acceptable.

I dunno. I don't think you're eating enough. Maybe look up how many calories a woman of your size and age should be eating, and compare it to what you are eating..
Kevin
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."

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thanks

Post by jent » Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:33 am

I'll do that Kevin. Thanks. I leap at any opportunity to actually eat more. :wink:

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by the way

Post by jent » Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:11 am

By the way ... my burrito was from Guapo's. Even worse than Chipotle, I know. Heavy sigh.

Cheese makes me happy ...

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Guapos

Post by Kevin » Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:56 am

I haven't been there. But I live in the Northern suburbs.

My new favorite lunch out restaurant it Potbelly's. They make a sandwich called "a wreck..." When God invented the sandwich, this is what he had in mind.

Plus, you can get a giant, crunchy dill pickle for a buck...
Kevin
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"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."

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Post by pangelsue » Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:50 pm

You guys are making me hungry. Both burritos sound wonderful and as part of a meal are perfectly acceptable. Welcome, Jent. You are a fun read with your honesty and openess.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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failed

Post by jent » Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:15 pm

I slipped up last night. Breakfast was fine, and lunch was sushi. Both good and healthy. Then, I picked up my son at school and came home and split a Lean Cuisine pizza with him (which means he ate 4 bites, and I ate the rest). Still fine. That was about 7 pm.

But then I went to see The Departed. (Great movie, by the way). And I got movie nachos with yummy orange cheese. I never get to go to the movies (see toddler reference above). While standing in the ticket line, my mind said "this is an event ... I'm going to treat myself".

Arghhhh. I don't want "going to the movies" to be a "special day". It's too easy. Next thing I know, road trips will be special, and work functions, and play dates. Its a slippery slope.

But how do you fence around the law with special days? Anyone established any hardcore definition?

In the meantime, today is an S day, and I had a playgroup this morning. Its 1 pm, and I've already eaten a bagel w/cream cheese and 3 muffins. I think I can regroup and recover from my carbfest now. Tonight I'm hosting another play group with pizza. (I'm really not usually this social - really). I"ll just have a salad now, and then I'll wait for dinner ... I felt totally out of control this morning, but I'm ok now. And that's all part of the process. Learning to catch the fall a little bit quicker until you can predict the fall before it happens.

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puppies

Post by jent » Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:18 pm

Hi Pangelsue - I posted over on another thread in response to your wriggly puppy analogy. I loved it. I work really well with visualizations, and I'm going to use that one often, if you don't mind.

It seems like a kind analogy, too. Just as we can't be angry at little wriggly untrained puppies, we also can't be angry at our own reptilian brains seeking comfort in food. We just need to retrain ourselves to seek comfort in healthier places.

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Sunday night

Post by jent » Mon Feb 05, 2007 3:24 am

Urgh. I just stood in the kitchen, at 9:45 at night, and very impulsively ate a granola bar for no good reason except that I could. I was trying to have an N-day (since I slipped on Friday), and everything was well. I was about to go to sleep. And then, before my mind could say "nooooooo", I was stuffing a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie bar down my throat.

This is the behavior that so fascinates and stymies me. What the heck? The whole incident took less than 2 minutes. And now I've marred an otherwise perfect 3 plate day.

I'm only recording this as fodder for investigation later. Right now, I've got nothing. I honestly don't know what I was saying to myself.

Let me think about this. I think, actually, I did say, "its an S day after all". It was a quick draw though. I didn't even see it coming.

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Post by Jammin' Jan » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:27 am

I saw a Potbelly's someplace. Was it College Park? It's a good place to eat?

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success

Post by jent » Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:48 am

Did well for today. Three reasonable meals.

I've been thinking about the impulsive granola bar the other day. I think I shouldn't have been standing in the kitchen mindlessly going through the cupboards to begin with. There are a lot of steps between being on the sofa reading, and standing in the kitchen wolfing down food. At any point, I could have stopped it. It was after 9 pm, and I was foraging in the kitchen. What was I doing there if not, at least subconsciously, thinking about eating?

On another subject, I have a question. When I fail (like on Friday), do I start the 21 days again? Or do I just not count that day?

If I start again, I'm on day 2.

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Potbelly's

Post by jent » Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:50 am

Jammin - I have never been to Potbelly's. I've seen them around, though. Its a sandwich place, right? Isn't there one in Crystal City somewhere?

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Success

Post by jent » Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:35 am

...by the skin of my teeth.

I have lost some motivation ... I think the novelty has worn off, and I'm starting to hear voices saying "you can't carry this off for the rest of your life - people snack ... that's what we do as Americans ... do I want to be a freak? I"m hungry ... why shouldn't I eat? What difference does it make as long as I don't eat too much? This (cookie/cracker/ice cream bar/etc) looks so good ... why don't I just eat it? I'm tired of this program. So I'm 15 pounds overweight ... who cares? Its fine ... I just don't want to work this hard."

Etc. I know this place ... I've been here before. Its like I started at the top of a hill, and I had a great visual in the horizon of the place I wanted to be, but then I had to enter into a valley with only faith (and a compass that doesn't always want to cooperate) to keep me moving forward to get to my goal. But I just want to hang on here. All the reasons I came here still exist. This is a good program. I need to change my eating behaviors and my relationship with food. Period.

There's something called the "AV" or addictive voice, that people refer to when they stop drinking or smoking (like myself, for example). These rationalizations are just my AV talking ... for whatever reason, I'm addicted to my former eating habits. Its going to take awhile to break the habit. I know that. And here in the valley, its even harder. But I haven't even done 21 days yet. And I said I'd give this 3 months.

So, ever forward.

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I'm slipping ...

Post by jent » Tue Feb 13, 2007 3:48 am

...but my slips are less damaging then they used to be. I instintively grabbed a chocolate truffle sample at Harry and David's today, which screwed up my three plates. And then, I guess I felt defeated, because when I got home, I ate a cupcake. It was originally for my 2 year old son, but it was so stale that he passed on it. But it was good enough for me. (If anyone's reading the Mindless Eating book, it was very much like the stale popcorn at the theater example). Oh, well. Its all a learning experience.

I am trying to break down my triggers. So far, I've realized that I eat fast, and I eat more than I need because I haven't taken the 20 minutes or so to figure out that I'm not hungry anymore.

I'm also a big stress eater. One of the hardest times of the day for me is when my son and I get home from work/school. I'm trying to feed him and trying to eat myself, and I have not found a way to be mindful at that time. I'm working on it though.

I'm noticing, too, that I'm big on "oh, screw it - I'm going to eat it because I can". I eat defiantly. Generally, it goes hand in hand with a reward mindset. Haven't thought that one through too much yet.

On another note, I'm becoming more aware of how obsessed I am about weight. I'd really like to move away from that, and I'm working on it. But in the meantime, I am becoming more aware of incidents like the following: I was having coffee with some coworkers last week. One guy I work with just got back from Iraq, and he was talking about how hot it is there. He said one of two things (I didn't hear which one). 1. "Yeah, its like 100 degrees, and I'm carrying 170 pounds of gear. Its like carrying her on my back" (pointing to me.) OR "Yeah, its like 100 degrees, and I'm carrying 70 pounds of gear. Its like carrying her on my back" (pointing to me.)

Neither one really makes sense. I weigh about 143 right now, so he couldn't possibly think I weigh 70 pounds. Nor, do I think (or hope, I guess) that he thinks I weigh 170 pounds. There were other people there who did weigh about 170 or so, so it would have made more sense to point at them. But at any rate, it means nothing, and a regular person wouldn't have given it a second thought. But I found myself thinking about it for days. And now I'm recording it just so that I can shine some light on it, maybe.

So tomorrow's another day. Probably snowy and homebound (watching the DC weather right now). I threw away the cupcakes, so I won't be eating them in the morning :)
Last edited by jent on Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

jent
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SUCCESS

Post by jent » Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:22 am

I ate a lot today, but technically a success:

Breakfast: bagel with egg and swiss cheese

Lunch: big ole' submarine sandwich and potato chips

Dinner: 3 pieces of pizza

I've been pretty lame recently, so I'm going to start as Day 1 again. Day 1: success

I'm still trying to figure out my triggers and areas I need to work on.

Part of the reason I ate the cupcake yesterday, I think, is because I can't stand to throw away food. I will eat anything (almost) rather than throw it away. As a matter of fact, if I weren't doing No-S, I probably would have crumbled up the cupcakes, mixed them with fruit or something, and thrown the concoction in the freezer. (Even reading that looks gross, I know ... but I would have evenually thawed and eaten it with whipped cream or something). But I saw something here yesterday - a Reinhold quote, I think - about not using yourself as a garbage disposal. I need to remember that, even as I am logically resisting it (but its wasteful to throw it away! It costs money! Its perfectly good food! People are starving all over the world!)

The other, related thing I do, is eat way more than I want of food that I think might soon go bad. Fish, vegetables, fruit, cheese, etc. I need to learn to not shove it in my mouth to avoid throwing it away.

This is going to be hard for me, I can tell. But some habits die harder than others, I guess. In the meantime, I must say that since I started NoS, I feel more at peace with food. I don't know how to explain it, exactly, but I guess I just don't feel like I'm going to battle every day. I feel less guilty, less ashamed, and I enjoy food more.

And I also know that I'm in the very beginning stages of this life change. I'm really psyched.

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Post by florafloraflora » Wed Feb 14, 2007 5:17 pm

Hi Jen,

I just wanted to say I've really been enjoying your insightful checkins. You have a lot less to lose than I do, but I'm still inspired by the way you're doing this.

Flora

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Day 2

Post by jent » Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:13 pm

Hey Flora3 - thanks for dropping in. Today was a good day to read your encouraging post, because I weighed myself, and I think I gained a pound. I'm not sure, coz I'm pms-ing, so I guess I'll just call it even.

At any rate, its hard to plod along and not see much results on the scale. On the other hand, my mantra continues to be "life change, life change, life change". I don't want, 10 years from now, to be going on a diet every January 1 and right before summertime. Its gotten really old, and I'm done with it. I'd rather move - if even glacially - towards cementing this detente with food.

I also read something in People Magazine recently ... they were interviewing Janet Jackson, and she said "as you get older, the changes aren't as quick (on a diet), but you just keep going and the scale will budge". That gave me hope ... if some over-40 starlet is struggling, even with gobs of money and personal trainers, I should have a little patience.

I haven't finished today, but I've had three mini-meals. I'm homebound (snow) with my two year old, so its a little chaotic here. I think I can make it the rest of the day with one more meal, and call it a success. Here's hoping.

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ugh

Post by jent » Sat Feb 17, 2007 2:38 am

I can't even remember what happened Wednesday night, but Thursday was FAILURE and Friday was FAILURE. Ugh.

Tonight was kind of crazy. I had a candy bar and some M&Ms. (I'm very PMS, which explains cravings and also explains my defiant attitude). Plus I had a sample of banana bread at Panera.

Yesterday was close to perfect, but I had some nuts with diet hot chocolate before I went to bed.

Its a three day weekend, and I'm going out of town, so I guess the next three days are S days anyway, so I'll report back in on Tuesday.

I don't know what my block is ... I go to bed slightly hungry every night, so I know that I'm not eating a lot. And I know I'm snacking way, way less than I used to, so I'm still okay with the glacial pace of my progress, but I am still curious about my resistance to the program. Maybe it simply is that old habits die hard ... its tough to change old patterns, but I can see that I am slowly changing. Just very slowly.

On the road trip tomorrow, I will definitely not want to get McDonald's (something I used to do just to make the drive more entertaining). Observations like that really keep me going. And I don't eat mindlessly on a regular basis ... when I do, I become aware that I'm doing it, and either continue mindfully or stop. That's huge.

Just some thoughts. Have a good long weekend, everyone.

jent
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deep thoughts

Post by jent » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:43 am

I'm still really struggling here, and I've been thinking about why. SPOILER ALERT ... deep issues here ... continue at your own risk.

I have been a work in progress all my life. And I have altered my behavior patterns plenty of times before. I quit drinking, I quit smoking, I quit demeaning myself through negative thoughts, and I stopped being messy, to name a few. But this eating thing is so much harder than anything I've tried before. I know that part of it is because you can't quit eating altogether, and food is everywhere. But its more than that (as it is for everyone, I'm sure). I guess I've been systematically hacking through layers of bad behavior, and as I get closer to bedrock, they get tougher to dislodge.

When I was a kid, I used to have a "box of food" that I'd hide under my chair in my room and eat while I read after school. I'd sneak the food from the kitchen so often that my mom took to hiding it from me.

My dad used to tell me that I was so fat my "thighs made noise" when I walked.

Whenever I walked by a group of kids, I was terrified they were going to call me fat. (This lasted long into adulthood).

Even now, I will take the piece of pizza with more pepperoni even though its my son's favorite food.


...

These are just a few of the memories/thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head recently. My issues with food run so deeply that I think this kind of stuff has to rise to the surface before I can get a handle on my relationship with food. There's a lot of shame in making lists like this ... I've got to air these things out, I guess. The last one, about my son, really makes me cringe. But its true. Its true, and it stinks.

Wow. I feel like a horrible person right now.

jent
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its all good

Post by jent » Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:41 pm

OK - I've been thinking about my last post, and seeing it in black and white makes it very clear how food represents safety and security for me. Clearly, I don't want my son to starve ... in fact, I would do anything for him. And yet, when it comes to food ... I'm in some sort of modified survival mode.

So that's where I'm going next with this. I'm tapping into that realization and see how it manifests itself in my thinking. I'm going to question why I want food with an awareness of how I may be in survival mode.

This is good. I can't imagine it gets more basic than this (at least according to Laslow). So maybe I'm ready to start shifting my behavior patterns. I'm starting again today. Day 1. I've had breakfast, and nothing again 'til lunch. Then nothing again 'til dinner. And if I freak in between, I've got a new tool in my toolbox.

jent
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Lost track

Post by jent » Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:33 am

My mom came to visit for 5 days, and I lost track of No-S. I get very stressed out during visits with her, so I let everything slide but did observe my eating behaviors. Boy, do I eat when I'm stressed.

I'm going to start, yet again, today. I did have a successful day today, so Day 1 equals SUCCESS.

I was reading Panguelese's post on the general board about maintaining for a year but not losing. I think that may be what I'm going to experience too ... I'm in this for the long haul, and I have to break bad habits as my first priority. And that's going to take a lot of fits and starts. I have noticed that I am looking at food a little differently now - I look at it as though its a little dangerous. Not only because it puts on weight, but because I use it for the wrong reasons. I'm developing a healthy respect for the allure of food, and for the power it holds over me. Its a worthy opponent. That realization helps with my attempts to eat mindfully.

florafloraflora
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Post by florafloraflora » Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:37 pm

I get really stressed and eat a lot around my mom, too. It doesn't help that whenever I visit her it's usually a holiday and there's always a lot of cooking involved. We have this bizarre tendency to compete in that area.

Yay for a fresh start!

zoolina
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Post by zoolina » Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:16 pm

Hi Jent,

I've been reading your posts and what you say sure sounds familiar. for me, too, food=comfort, security, reward. And in the four months I've been NoSing, it's been easy when I've been calm and so hard (read lots of red ink) when I've been stressed. Right now I'm just coming back after a month with as many failures as successes.

Anyway, good luck with the good fight. I'm rooting for you!

Zoolina

jent
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Starting over ... again

Post by jent » Mon Mar 05, 2007 3:26 pm

Thanks Zoolina! I'm learning, slowly...and I'm starting over ... again.

I have used every excuse in the book for snacking/seconding/sweeting. Most recently, I've been sick with a cold. Before that, it was work stress, before that, my mom's visit. It's weird - I start to feel so weak-willed ... and then I blow off No-S altogether and don't think about it. Which makes me come back again. I'm not sure whether its that I'm not ready yet, or whether it is that I've got too much going on right now to tackle this.

But, as I have read here often, if I stopped attempting this way of life, what would I be going back to? I don't feel like I have any option now except to continue attempting success on No-S. There have been some benefits this last month ... I have a greater awareness of why I eat, my eating is less shame-based, and I don't take joy in "pigging out" anymore (actually, I haven't even wanted to in awhile). Those are huge changes for me. Additionally, I am starting to have tiny epiphanies ... I've pulled off a couple of layers of denial, I guess, and am able to see some of my emotional connections with eating. For example, I was packing my son's lunch the other day, and I put in a peanut butter sandwich, an apple sauce, some carrots, and some crackers. And as I was closing the bag, I got really bummed out (I'm not fond of any of those foods). How weird is that? It was my son's lunch - not mine - and I realized that 1.) He likes all those foods, and 2). he is not emotionally connected to food the way I am. For him, food is fuel and treats are treats (pretty much the way it should be for me). Granted, I didn't put a treat in his bag that day ... but is that enough to make him unhappy? He gets cookies as a snack (the school provides them). Moreover, its not the end of the world if he has a boring food day.

Aha. That's the crux of it for me. Food is so connected with pleasure and fun and comfort that "a boring food day" makes me quake. Not to sound overdramatic here, but somewhere in my reptilian brain, a boring food day equals a less meaningful existence that day. I know, I know - I can have exciting foods during my three meals. But I guess any curtailment of my freedom to eat at will feels threatening.

I'm starting to feel embarassed about continuing to post these failures. And also about going round and round on why I can't seem to get it. Forgive me for being so dreary ... I am going to get there. In the meantime, I'm on Day 1 again.
Last edited by jent on Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

jent
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cool

Post by jent » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:39 am

Alright. Day 1: success
Day 2: success

I'm pumped.

jent
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Post by jent » Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:25 pm

Day 3 - technically a failure, but I'm going to call it SUCCESS.

Here's why.

I think a lot of the 3 meal a day concept dovetails nicely with simple mindful eating concepts. Yesterday, I ate a bag of popcorn while watching American Idol. BUT - I ate my "dinner" plate with my son, which is always a ridiculously disjointed, stressful event. What I've started to do is have part of my dinner with him, knowing that I can eat a more relaxed dinner once he goes to sleep (I can't wait to eat until 8 for my whole dinner). So, as I was eating with him (I can't even remember now what it was), I was thinking - "I'll have popcorn later. That would be a really big plate, but its going to be part of my dinner." So, it was a very mindful decision, and I enjoyed it in a relaxed state.

Yes, I would like to stop eating in front of the tv. Yes, I would like to stop seeking that seemingly unlimited "hand to mouth" experience that popcorn gives me. Yes, I would like to find a way to eat more balanced, healthy food. BUT, baby steps. And I did not eat anything yesterday that was not mindfully planned. That's a success for me.

On another note, I was reading this morning about "upside down eating" - basically, its being spinned as eating breakfast at night and dinner in the morning. I've noticed that since I am thinking more about my 3 plates and when I want what, I personally want more food in the morning and less at night. Also, I've been eating things like pasta and vegetables in the morning (mainly because - as I noted in another post - I'm a freak about throwing anything away, so I eat whatever's in the frig that needs to be eaten). But, for a lot of reasons, I like eating more in the morning.

jent
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Success

Post by jent » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:54 am

Day 4 - success

Hey, I've never seen that in my thread before. Hooray! Maybe I'm getting the hang of this after all.

I have something else to report too. I went to the doctor the other day for an ear infection, and I HATE that part of the visit when they weigh you. I've always gotten uptight about it, and have consciously worn really light clothes, taken off my shoes, not eaten before the visit, etc. just to try to get the number down. (I always seem to weigh more at the doctor no matter what I do). Anyway, the other day, I was not feeling well, and I had my winter coat on. Maybe it was because I was feeling sick, but when the nurse came I had this fleeting thought about whether to take my coat off or not. I actually contemplated stepping on the scale with my coat and shoes on and just getting weighed. Period. No emotion tied to it at all. I was amazed at myself.

jent
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modified no S

Post by jent » Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:49 am

OK. I have modified No S to get through 21 days. And I'm on Day 7 now of success.

I am starting with one rule, and then layering them. Right now, I am concentrating on not snacking. I guess I have to start small, but this feels much more manageable to me. I have a lot of bad habits to relearn, and I think I'll just have to do them one at a time.

Once I get the no snacking down during this 21 day period, I'll move on to no seconds (in conjunction with no snacking). And I will have to be firm, because the virtual plating/second separation is really fuzzy for me. Then, in the third 21 days, I'll do no sweets, no snacking, and no seconds.

I'm feeling good about Phase 1 - no snacking ... I have put food in my mouth without thinking for four decades. Its really cool to not have it as an option. No standing in front of the frig or cabinets, foraging. No reason for it. I'm planning on going 21 days straight with this.

kccc
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Post by kccc » Thu Mar 15, 2007 2:11 am

Jent... I "layered" when starting too. Actually, the "no snacking" was the hardest for me. I was so used to BOTH a morning and an afternoon snack that I almost had a panic attack at the idea of skipping them.

For the first week, I allowed myself one piece of fruit or a vegetable "if I really needed them." That loophole let me feel less frantic, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't really need the permitted snack that often.

Gradually, I shifted over. A little more protein at meals helped. Now, I rarely think about snacking at all.

Good luck on your progress. One habit at a time will get you where you need to go.

jent
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Day 12

Post by jent » Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:25 am

Thanks, KCCC. I'm glad someone else did it this way successfully. I've gone 12 days now without snacking ... 12 days of SUCCESS.

I'm eating more than I should, I suppose, but I'm breaking one small habit at a time. I didn't even snack over the weekend ... it just didn't really appeal to me. So, I'm going to do 9 more days of this, and then tack on seconds. Then, I'll tackle sweets last.

jent
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Success

Post by jent » Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:11 am

Day 13 - success. I did, however, eat in "waves" for dinner (I pulled that reference from the main board). I was having a playdate from 6-8 pm. I was absolutely starving when I got home, and I ate a little bit before everyone got to my place. Then I ate less pasta than I would have. I also ate some goldfish (which the kids were eating) which I wouldn't normally do, but I was really ravenous. And then I ate a brownie.

So, again, because I'm only doing the "no snacking" part right now, I'm going to consider it a success. It was a proper dinner, and I didn't snack. But it was really borderline ... I suppose I could call it a special day (having five parents over with their kids and feeding everyone). But I'd rather not ... doesn't seem special enough. Because I consciously virtual plated, I feel comfortable with the day, but don't want to be quite so haphazard in the future.

I'm still really hungry a lot of the time, which is strange, because I'm eating a lot and not losing weight (at least I don't think so -I haven't wanted to weigh myself for a month or so ... just not that interested). Maybe I will weigh myself tomorrow and be happily surprised - or disappointed - who knows. I do feel very comfortable with the possibility that I will not lose weight all year. As long as I've kicked some bad habits, I am happy.

jent
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DAY 14

Post by jent » Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:20 am

Success.

I'm definitely getting into a rhythm, or dare I say it, a habit of not snacking. When I want to, I just say to myself, "my next meal is X hours away and I am not going to starve to death between now and then". And its working.

jent
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starting over

Post by jent » Wed Mar 28, 2007 1:53 am

My hard drive died last week, so I didn't have much computer access (can't go on NoS at work). Anyway, I've been pretty good, but screwed up a couple of days (including today), so I'm back at square one again for tomorrow.

I'm dogged about this. I'm going to keep on trying until I get it right. I've said it before ... there really isn't another option for me. I want to learn proper, healthy eating habits, and this is the best approach I've found (thanks again, Reinhard). And I do feel like I'm learning. Its just incredibly subtle, and incredibly slow, and I'm fighting, kicking, and screaming every step of the way.

And the realizations do come with a certain discomfort. Yesterday, I had a long, tough day. I got in bed to watch t.v., and I didn't snack. But I sure wanted to. And when I didn't, I felt kind of naked. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I wanted comfort and didn't have it. It was like a void ... a big empty space where mindless eating usually exists. I wasn't tempted to eat, though - in other words, I wasn't "white-knuckling" at all ... I was more fascinated with the very subtle discomfort I was experiencing. I don't think I could have picked up on that two months ago, or experienced the moment that way.

Frankly, this is where it gets fun for me. That open space is the potential for real change. I'm still resisting, of course ... I just finished two pieces of pizza out of the frig that I ate mindlessly going up the stairs. (Duh). But I expect, and hope, those open, yawning moments to continue, and I am gaining strength in my awareness and understanding of them. And I assume that along with that understanding will come less need to stuff/numb myself with food.

So tomorrow is Day 1 again.

jent
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Day 1

Post by jent » Thu Mar 29, 2007 1:36 am

Day 1 - success

pangelsue
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Post by pangelsue » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:36 am

Hi Jent,
Thanks so much for the lovely comments on my journal.
I just finished reading all of yours and I think you can be incredibly proud of yourself. I was very moved and inspired by your insights and determination. I also had a couple of laughs. It is so hard for those of us for whom the food is not what it is about. (I've eaten stale cupcakes too). Don't get me wrong, food is very good sometimes but I think for us honesty makes us admit that it is about far more than the food. We are willing to face that and let the chips fall where they may. I think it has taken me most of the last year to stop being terrified of my appetite. I have let it rage unchecked and found I do eventually stop eating on my own. I also finally realize that I have given food this power over me. It doesn't have some magical power of it's own. I am in a phase right now where I am trying to like me for how hard I am working and that means liking failure me and success me. You will find your way on your journey too. Keep being honest and accepting. Relax and enjoy the process. When I read my journal from several months ago, I am struck by the panic and fear I felt then. That is gone now.
You are real and honest. You will find your way and be able to enjoy the process.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

jent
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new tactic

Post by jent » Sat Mar 31, 2007 4:58 pm

Ok ... I'm back to Day 1 again. Argghhh.

I think what I"m going to do is to record the circumstances surrounding why I was snacking. THat way, I can analyze the situation, discover patterns, etc. I'm going out of town for the weekend, but I'm going to start Monday.

jent
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its been awhile...

Post by jent » Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:25 am

My hard drive shut down, and I just got my computer back up again.

Since I always like a fresh start, I'll be starting again tomorrow, even though its an S day.

jent
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DAY 1

Post by jent » Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:56 pm

I decided to start early.

Day 1: SUCCESS

jent
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Day 2 and 3

Post by jent » Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:27 am

DAY 2: S day
DAY 3: SUCCESS

jent
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Day 4and5

Post by jent » Thu Apr 19, 2007 12:26 am

Day 4: Success
Day 5: success

jent
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day 6

Post by jent » Fri Apr 20, 2007 12:30 am

Day 6: SUCCESS

jent
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Day 7, 8, 9, 10

Post by jent » Tue Apr 24, 2007 2:09 am

DAY 7: (friday) Failed ... ate popcorn in evening
DAY 8: S Day
DAY 9: S Day
DAY 10: SUCCESS (Monday)

jent
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Aarggghhh

Post by jent » Mon May 07, 2007 12:23 am

I have completely fallen off the wagon. I haven't weighed myself, but I know I've gained about 5 pounds. I'm under a lot of stress, and I'm just out of control with my eating and bad habits. Aarrgggghhhh. I'm eating mindlessly, whenever - wherever, even when I feel terribly full already. Its just what I do, I guess, when the stress level rises.

I need to keep going with this, though, and I figure I just have to get back on the wagon again as soon as possible. Even if its 2 steps forward, 1.99 steps back ... every day I'm successful and have my eating under control is a good day and helpful to building lasting good habits.

So, I'm going to check in with the following info every day:

1. No snacks?
2. No sweets?
3. No seconds?

4. Exercise?

5. Biting fingernails (and other nervous habits) (on scale from one to 10)?

That's all I can think to do right now ... I'm frustrated, because I feel so out of control, but on the other hand, I'm catching it quicker than I used to, and I have more confidence that I can turn things around. So, ever forward.
Last edited by jent on Tue May 08, 2007 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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paulrone
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Post by paulrone » Mon May 07, 2007 2:09 pm

We'll slow the wagon down so you can hop back on.
-Sometimes Fundamentalist and self-appointed King of the S-day Moderates
"As it is (sometimes) written, so let it (sometimes) be done."

jent
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Day 1

Post by jent » Tue May 08, 2007 12:36 pm

Thanks Paulrone! This site is so great ... part of the reason I want to succeed is to make you guys proud.

Day 1:

No snacking: SUCCESS

No seconds: SUCCESS

No sweets: SUCCESS

Gym: 50 situps, walked 15 minutes, ran 15 minutes

nervous habits: about a 5.

I'm going to add whether or not my meals were healthy. Yesterday, I was at about a 6.

jent
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Day 2

Post by jent » Wed May 09, 2007 2:04 am

No snacking: failed

No seconds: success

No sweets: success

Healthy? yes, except pizza dinner - too much

Exercise: 30 minutes high speed walk - 90 sit ups

Nervous habits: bad 4/9 (w)

jent
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All hell broke loose

Post by jent » Thu May 10, 2007 3:54 pm

All hell broke loose yesterday ... have a head cold, my kitchen renovations are about to start, I have no babysitter for my son after camp this summer, blah, blah, blah. So:

No snacking: Failed (ate continuously throughout the day)

No sweets: SUCCESS! (I passed on ice cream at the grocery!)

No seconds: Failed (see snacking)

Exercise: none

Nervous habits: 10 out of 10. Aurgghhh.

Today's another day ... I will report back later ... so far so good.

jent
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Day 4

Post by jent » Fri May 11, 2007 12:57 am

No snacking: Success

No seconds: Success

No sweets: success

Exercise: none

Nervous habits: 7 out of 10
Last edited by jent on Sun May 13, 2007 12:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

jent
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Day 5

Post by jent » Sun May 13, 2007 12:37 am

S Day - son's birthday party

Ate lots of cake. Still stressed, still have head cold, still pmsing.

Under the circumstances, I did ok - no snacking after dinner.

Nervous habits: 4/10.

jent
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Day 6

Post by jent » Mon May 14, 2007 12:33 am

S Day

Bit of an idiot, but not horrible. Leftover birthday cake and ice cream.

Exercise: walked a bit at rally.

Nervous habits: 4/10.

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