I'm horribly bad at keeping logs of any kind, but I might as well try. I'm trying to do several things at the same time, so I'll be tracking all of them here.
1) Losing weight. I weighed in at 130 lbs. last week. I need to weigh between 5 and 10 lbs. less than that. To accomplish that, I'm doing the no-S diet. Current weight, one week in = 128.3 lbs.
2) Getting in shape. Part of the weight gain was caused by inactivity; I've gotten flabby. Alas, exercise is something I'll have to do very carefully, due to a wonky knee and a wonkier wrist. Still, I am going to drag myself to the gym every other day and do whatever I can do.
3) Regular piano practice. I have a concert in January (yay!) and need to practice for that; I also have to finish the piece I am composing by that time. To do that, I need to get myself to the piano on a daily basis.
Today's results:
No-S diet is going well; even one week in, it's becoming second nature. I'm still thinking out some of the details of how this will apply in my case; is snacking on fruit OK or not? Is tea a 'sweet' or not? For now, I'm being cautious, but I might relax the requirements once I reach my goal weight. I bought some chocolate truffles today in anticipation of the S-days ahead - strawberry-lemon-thyme ganache. They'll stay in the fridge till Saturday.
Gym is going OK; I really like going to the gym, so getting myself there is not a problem. Went swimming today, for the first time in months. I don't really know how to swim properly, but I swam back and forth anyway, in my own ridiculous fashion. I figure it's good for me no matter what it looks like.
Did some piano practice today as well. Learning a new piece (composed by someone I know!), trying to finish composing my new tune (3/4 done), and learning a few "classics" of the genre. The new composition is annoying, in that I really like the way the first half turned out, but the second half is really hard. I've already reworked it twice and I still don't like it; today was another attempt, and I think it's better.
And during all this, especially as far as the no-S goes, thinking about willpower. I was surprised at how easy no-S was for me, and how easy it was to just not go into Starbucks and not eat the sweets I've got around the house (left over from the pre-diet period...) I'm not tempted at all.
Now, I grew up thinking of myself as a terribly weak sort of creature - a spineless weakling with no willpower. My parents' favorite insult for me was "lazy". My mother's theory was that if she weren't there to prod and push me into doing things, I'd just waste my life lying on the couch reading cheap novels. It sounds like nothing (and my parents definitely didn't mean it seriously), but it hurt. It was only much later, as a grownup, that I realized that I had a perfectly normal amount of willpower, and that I accomplished more than most people my age, and that my parents' conception of willpower was not something that human beings could actually accomplish without ruining their health and/or sanity. (my parents have never actually done the things they wanted me to do...)
The no-S thing, and the everyday systems idea in general, is great at helping me disentangle the idea of willpower from the self-loathing that this idea used to provoke. Generally, the things I used to do to try to strengthen my willpower were horrible, unpleasant things - getting up at 7am every day even though I worked an evening schedule at the time, going running in the morning even though I hate running, that sort of thing. Even when I started school, when I decided to use my willpower to become more organized and to keep my place clean, I would not allow myself to put any kind of decorations on my walls - purely out of self-hatred.
I have decor now; a cheerful Kandinsky poster on my wall, a colorful calendar, some candles in colorful holders. I don't get up early when I have no reason to. But my room is still clean, and I am still well-organized.
Larisa's Check-in
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
So, the no-S thing is still going well. No sweets today; breakfast included raspberries and tea with bread and cheese and lunch was coffee and a sandwich (non-sweet). I am baking pirozhki tonight, but they're not really sweet - they're basically bread rolls with a cabbage filling. Dinner will be some fish, asparagus, and one of the pirozhki.
No exercise tonight - I exercised yesterday. Did my piano practice. Still no progress on the last 25% of that piece I'm composing, but the other 75% is solidifying.
I read an advice column today; the person asking for advice had an Internet addiction problem that she wanted help with. In reading the advice columnist's response to her, and thinking about it (because I'm quite addicted myself), I realized something. For years, I thought that the way to deal with my Internet addiction (which, at times, keeps me from getting things done, or at least, from getting them done well) was to eradicate the addiction and then I will get things done. I focused a lot of my effort on trying to control the addictive behavior. For me, such behavior is a reaction to stress and inadequate sleep - obviously, the self-loathing and stress that came from trying to control the behavior. Such efforts ultimately failed, resulting in even more self-hate and even more stress, and even less work got done.
What I realized today, as I read the advice column and readers' responses to it, was that instead of focusing on the "bad behavior" and beating myself up about it, I should focus on the things that need to get done, plain and simple; that the objective of this exercise is not to beat myself up but to get things done. As long as I write out a to-do list and stick to it, and do what I need to get done, the other behaviors are irrelevant. If I focus my willpower on the actual thing that needs to get done, instead of the thing that I need to refrain from doing, there is a much higher possibility that the thing will get done, and less of a chance for me to become completely overwhelmed and "shut down", doing no work at all.
I'm not sure it makes sense to anyone but me. But I've been walking around all day in a daze thinking about it - for some reason, it's really struck a chord. I've made a to-do list for today - just the things that I need to get done today. I'll report tomorrow on how many I was actually able to complete.
No exercise tonight - I exercised yesterday. Did my piano practice. Still no progress on the last 25% of that piece I'm composing, but the other 75% is solidifying.
I read an advice column today; the person asking for advice had an Internet addiction problem that she wanted help with. In reading the advice columnist's response to her, and thinking about it (because I'm quite addicted myself), I realized something. For years, I thought that the way to deal with my Internet addiction (which, at times, keeps me from getting things done, or at least, from getting them done well) was to eradicate the addiction and then I will get things done. I focused a lot of my effort on trying to control the addictive behavior. For me, such behavior is a reaction to stress and inadequate sleep - obviously, the self-loathing and stress that came from trying to control the behavior. Such efforts ultimately failed, resulting in even more self-hate and even more stress, and even less work got done.
What I realized today, as I read the advice column and readers' responses to it, was that instead of focusing on the "bad behavior" and beating myself up about it, I should focus on the things that need to get done, plain and simple; that the objective of this exercise is not to beat myself up but to get things done. As long as I write out a to-do list and stick to it, and do what I need to get done, the other behaviors are irrelevant. If I focus my willpower on the actual thing that needs to get done, instead of the thing that I need to refrain from doing, there is a much higher possibility that the thing will get done, and less of a chance for me to become completely overwhelmed and "shut down", doing no work at all.
I'm not sure it makes sense to anyone but me. But I've been walking around all day in a daze thinking about it - for some reason, it's really struck a chord. I've made a to-do list for today - just the things that I need to get done today. I'll report tomorrow on how many I was actually able to complete.
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
After spending the day thinking about an everyday system for Getting Stuff Done, I decided to go with the simple expedient - in the morning, I write down a to-do list for that day. I will keep track of when I have actually accomplished all the items on my list.
Today's list had 4 items. Of those, two are done. I will probably get the third one done today; the fourth item was probably a bit too ambitious. So even though there is still a chance that I might actually get everything done, I will have to report a failure on this particular everyday system. (the "Get Things Done" system?)
Today's list had 4 items. Of those, two are done. I will probably get the third one done today; the fourth item was probably a bit too ambitious. So even though there is still a chance that I might actually get everything done, I will have to report a failure on this particular everyday system. (the "Get Things Done" system?)
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
Actually, yesterday's "failure" was actually not a failure - I did get everything done on the list. The trick to these lists, I think, is to keep the tasks small enough to really be bite-sized pieces. Also, I am amazingly productive late at night - much more so than during the day.
Diet-wise, today's an S-day, so I had myself a piece of the strawberry-lemon-thyme chocolate (fascinating...) and a few cookies. Also, a mocha with whipped cream at Starbucks later on in the day. Dinner was sushi, but that's not unhealthy.
I'm giving myself a "global" S-day - regarding diet, exercise, and piano - because I had a volunteer thing that involved being outside for about 4 hours in freezing weather, starting at 6am, on about 3 hours of sleep; I was sadly underprepared for the occasion, and ended up with near-frostbite in my hands and a chill in my bones that took hours to go away. I figured that I needed some rest and pampering today after that.
I did, however, get 1/3 of my to-do list done and will get the other 2/3 done later on tonight, before I go to sleep.
Diet-wise, today's an S-day, so I had myself a piece of the strawberry-lemon-thyme chocolate (fascinating...) and a few cookies. Also, a mocha with whipped cream at Starbucks later on in the day. Dinner was sushi, but that's not unhealthy.
I'm giving myself a "global" S-day - regarding diet, exercise, and piano - because I had a volunteer thing that involved being outside for about 4 hours in freezing weather, starting at 6am, on about 3 hours of sleep; I was sadly underprepared for the occasion, and ended up with near-frostbite in my hands and a chill in my bones that took hours to go away. I figured that I needed some rest and pampering today after that.
I did, however, get 1/3 of my to-do list done and will get the other 2/3 done later on tonight, before I go to sleep.
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
Another S-day, and a pretty indulgent one. No snacks, but both sweets and seconds.
An S-day as far as piano and exercise are concerned. The to-do list for today is done, though. (it wasn't a very long one - just two items - but I got both of them done)
I've decided that I will only have one S-day for the to-do list; Saturday. (I'm Jewish - it seems somehow wrong to have a to-do list for the Sabbath...)
An S-day as far as piano and exercise are concerned. The to-do list for today is done, though. (it wasn't a very long one - just two items - but I got both of them done)
I've decided that I will only have one S-day for the to-do list; Saturday. (I'm Jewish - it seems somehow wrong to have a to-do list for the Sabbath...)
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
I had a bit of a failure with the no-S diet. Some creme brulee was involved. I forgot that today was Monday.
As far as exercise goes (and really, as far as everything goes), I'm declaring today an "S as in sick" day. I'm running a fever, I've got a horrible headache, and the general health and vitality of a wet dishcloth. Alas, I still have to do the to-do list; that's non-negotiable. But I'm taking it easy on everything else and sleeping a lot.
As far as exercise goes (and really, as far as everything goes), I'm declaring today an "S as in sick" day. I'm running a fever, I've got a horrible headache, and the general health and vitality of a wet dishcloth. Alas, I still have to do the to-do list; that's non-negotiable. But I'm taking it easy on everything else and sleeping a lot.
Hi Larisa.
I enjoy reading your insights.
Yes, you probably are sick! I have had one day in the past 2.5 years of doing No S that I was so sick that I didn't want to eat. Our bodies will tell us to take an S day for sickness, won't they. LOL
It's really inspiring that you play piano. I wish I would have stuck with my lessons. I love the instrument.
Take Care,
Dru
I enjoy reading your insights.
Yes, you probably are sick! I have had one day in the past 2.5 years of doing No S that I was so sick that I didn't want to eat. Our bodies will tell us to take an S day for sickness, won't they. LOL
It's really inspiring that you play piano. I wish I would have stuck with my lessons. I love the instrument.
Take Care,
Dru
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
Ah well. Returning to no-S. It did not stick, last time around, as the long silence appears to indicate. I hope it sticks better now.
I have just completed a week on the diet. It was hard going; I think I might need to make some adjustments. For example, I am not sure how useful the "no snacks" prohibition is, considering that I only snack on fruit. So, I was denying myself things like grapefruit and apples, which is probably not a good thing. I think I might jettison the "no snacks" thing altogether, because I never eat conventional "snack food" anyway, and because more fruit in my diet is probably a good thing.
One thing that I might add, though, is "no starch". I eat way too much bread. This week, I was consciously trying to limit the amount of bread I ate, though not eliminating it completely.
What is helping me now, though, is that I have had a rather life-changing summer in which I learned a lot of things about myself, and a lot of things about how I can be productive and motivated to be more productive. I hope it helps.
I have just completed a week on the diet. It was hard going; I think I might need to make some adjustments. For example, I am not sure how useful the "no snacks" prohibition is, considering that I only snack on fruit. So, I was denying myself things like grapefruit and apples, which is probably not a good thing. I think I might jettison the "no snacks" thing altogether, because I never eat conventional "snack food" anyway, and because more fruit in my diet is probably a good thing.
One thing that I might add, though, is "no starch". I eat way too much bread. This week, I was consciously trying to limit the amount of bread I ate, though not eliminating it completely.
What is helping me now, though, is that I have had a rather life-changing summer in which I learned a lot of things about myself, and a lot of things about how I can be productive and motivated to be more productive. I hope it helps.
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
Today was an S-day, though I ended it at sunset (since I started my S-days on Friday night). No trouble with it, though I was eating way too many sweet things that I knew I wouldn't be able to have once the week started. Still, I don't think I overindulged too horribly. No exercise today, because I'm an idiot and forgot that the swimming pool closes early on Sundays. I'll go tomorrow.
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
A week's worth of check-ins, because one of the "S" activities I am now banning on weekdays is "slacking" - defined as surfing the web for any reason except for checking email or anything required for studying. I tend to treat websurfing, and reading fiction, as addictive activities that cause me to waste untold amounts of time. I think that restricting it to weekends is a good idea, and it has worked well so far. (ditto for reading fiction, though I do allow myself a very limited exception on that count)
I did take a NWS day on Friday because a friend of mine was in town, and we went to the opera, and it was generally a celebratory sort of thing (and it was difficult to find food to eat on the way that did not involve sweets of some sort). I have taken an S-day today, obviously, but I will not take one on Sunday, to compensate for Friday. That means that at sunset tonight, I go back to my normal regimen.
As far as the regimen goes, I can give myself gold stars on the no-S diet (did not slip once), the exercise regimen (ditto), and the no-websurfing regimen (ditto). What is amazing about the no-websurfing regimen is how much time and energy it has freed up and how easy it has been to maintain. I find that addictive behavior, like websurfing has been for me, sets up a cycle of failure - I screw up, I retreat into the Internet to forget my troubles, I screw up more stuff, I have more troubles that need forgetting, I retreat into the Internet, etc. When I stopped doing that, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I did take a NWS day on Friday because a friend of mine was in town, and we went to the opera, and it was generally a celebratory sort of thing (and it was difficult to find food to eat on the way that did not involve sweets of some sort). I have taken an S-day today, obviously, but I will not take one on Sunday, to compensate for Friday. That means that at sunset tonight, I go back to my normal regimen.
As far as the regimen goes, I can give myself gold stars on the no-S diet (did not slip once), the exercise regimen (ditto), and the no-websurfing regimen (ditto). What is amazing about the no-websurfing regimen is how much time and energy it has freed up and how easy it has been to maintain. I find that addictive behavior, like websurfing has been for me, sets up a cycle of failure - I screw up, I retreat into the Internet to forget my troubles, I screw up more stuff, I have more troubles that need forgetting, I retreat into the Internet, etc. When I stopped doing that, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Good job!
I'm impressed with your ability to stay off the computer. I really need to work on that myself. Since you're a member from a while back, you've probably already seen this, but your system makes me think of Reinhard's Weekend Luddite system. . . described here.
http://everydaysystems.com/weekendluddite/
Since much of what I do career wise deals directly with necessary online activity, I need to 1. make it a serious commitment and 2. decide how I'll make the distinction between fun and true work!
Keep up your good work.
http://everydaysystems.com/weekendluddite/
Since much of what I do career wise deals directly with necessary online activity, I need to 1. make it a serious commitment and 2. decide how I'll make the distinction between fun and true work!
Keep up your good work.
LA Loser. . . well on my way to becoming an LA Winner. 
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
LA_Loser, I did look at Reinhard's "Weekend Luddite" system, but mine is kinda the opposite - I'm a "weekday Luddite". I give myself permission to surf all I want on weekends*, but on weekdays, the only websites I allow myself to go to are the ones I need to check my email or the ones I need for school or work.
A report on the past week - I did have one black mark on my record this week; I ate dessert on Wednesday. I was having lunch with friends, and did not want to call attention to myself. Alas, I compensated for that by getting food poisoning on Friday and being unable to eat anything dessert-like today, and possibly tomorrow as well. Sigh. I have all this chocolate I've been saving up, and now it'll have to wait another week.
The other parts of my "system" worked fine; I completed my exercise program (even on the day on which I had food poisoning, which was probably unwise), and refrained from recreational reading or web-surfing throughout the week.
Oh, and I have lost 3 lbs., gained some nice visible muscle, and discovered one other completely unexpected side effect - my skin looks better. Under my rigid interpretation of no-S**, I have mostly stopped eating bread, which I used to eat a lot. Apparently, it does good things for the skin.
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* I'm still experimenting with the ideal distribution of S-days in my system. Really, I may eventually just have one S-day - Saturday - and treat Sunday as an N-day. I do that for exercise now - I have one rest day on Saturday, and exercise as usual on Sunday.
** I try to avoid all processed foods on N-days. This is not a rigid rule, but a fairly strong preference.
A report on the past week - I did have one black mark on my record this week; I ate dessert on Wednesday. I was having lunch with friends, and did not want to call attention to myself. Alas, I compensated for that by getting food poisoning on Friday and being unable to eat anything dessert-like today, and possibly tomorrow as well. Sigh. I have all this chocolate I've been saving up, and now it'll have to wait another week.
The other parts of my "system" worked fine; I completed my exercise program (even on the day on which I had food poisoning, which was probably unwise), and refrained from recreational reading or web-surfing throughout the week.
Oh, and I have lost 3 lbs., gained some nice visible muscle, and discovered one other completely unexpected side effect - my skin looks better. Under my rigid interpretation of no-S**, I have mostly stopped eating bread, which I used to eat a lot. Apparently, it does good things for the skin.
---
* I'm still experimenting with the ideal distribution of S-days in my system. Really, I may eventually just have one S-day - Saturday - and treat Sunday as an N-day. I do that for exercise now - I have one rest day on Saturday, and exercise as usual on Sunday.
** I try to avoid all processed foods on N-days. This is not a rigid rule, but a fairly strong preference.
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larisa0001
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:53 am
Well, I fell off the wagon. Fell off it totally and completely. If this were an AA report, I'd be talking about binge-drinking and rolling in the gutter. As it is, here is a description of the damage:
Last Friday, I had some bad sushi. The resulting case of food poisoning consumed all of Friday and Saturday and most of Sunday. On Friday, despite the bad sushi, I still kept up the exercise part of my system, which probably made the problem worse.
On Tuesday, I decided I was cured and tried to eat like a regular person again. Bad mistake. More food poisoning. A few more days in a basically non-functional condition. At this point, I am eating anything that stays down - sweets, snacks, whatever. Probably not eating enough - I have lost another 2 lbs. - but I'd like to be extra careful for now.
While I kept to my no-Internet-surfing and no-novel-reading system on Sunday and Monday, I fell off the wagon on Tuesday for election-related reasons. I have no television, so I gave myself an exemption to find out how the election turned out. I was so flabbergasted and elated at the results that I kept up the web-surfing to read all the news. This spilled over into generalized web-surfing. I was somewhat weakened by the food poisoning and unable to summon up the strength of will to resist. Excuses, excuses.
To add to the self-disgust, I have had another personal setback - nothing very bad or irreversible, but I feel very stupid and ineffectual and incompetent. This happened today. Basically, at this point I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.
One of the useful epiphanies I had this summer is about failure - that what is important about your failure is not just the failure itself, but also how you handle it. "It's all about how you handle it" became my mantra whenever I screwed up; rather than dwelling on the mistake, I focused on fixing the consequences of the mistake. Instead of dwelling on the past, I tried to focus on the future. It worked very well.
And with that in mind, I will come back to my little "everyday system" as of tomorrow. I am already coming back to it in that I went to the gym today. The no-sweets part of the diet may have to wait a little until my stomach can handle regular food again. For now, I'm subsisting on weak tea and bread.
Last Friday, I had some bad sushi. The resulting case of food poisoning consumed all of Friday and Saturday and most of Sunday. On Friday, despite the bad sushi, I still kept up the exercise part of my system, which probably made the problem worse.
On Tuesday, I decided I was cured and tried to eat like a regular person again. Bad mistake. More food poisoning. A few more days in a basically non-functional condition. At this point, I am eating anything that stays down - sweets, snacks, whatever. Probably not eating enough - I have lost another 2 lbs. - but I'd like to be extra careful for now.
While I kept to my no-Internet-surfing and no-novel-reading system on Sunday and Monday, I fell off the wagon on Tuesday for election-related reasons. I have no television, so I gave myself an exemption to find out how the election turned out. I was so flabbergasted and elated at the results that I kept up the web-surfing to read all the news. This spilled over into generalized web-surfing. I was somewhat weakened by the food poisoning and unable to summon up the strength of will to resist. Excuses, excuses.
To add to the self-disgust, I have had another personal setback - nothing very bad or irreversible, but I feel very stupid and ineffectual and incompetent. This happened today. Basically, at this point I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.
One of the useful epiphanies I had this summer is about failure - that what is important about your failure is not just the failure itself, but also how you handle it. "It's all about how you handle it" became my mantra whenever I screwed up; rather than dwelling on the mistake, I focused on fixing the consequences of the mistake. Instead of dwelling on the past, I tried to focus on the future. It worked very well.
And with that in mind, I will come back to my little "everyday system" as of tomorrow. I am already coming back to it in that I went to the gym today. The no-sweets part of the diet may have to wait a little until my stomach can handle regular food again. For now, I'm subsisting on weak tea and bread.
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gratefuldeb67
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howfunisthat
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Larissa, this is an incredibly insightful post.larisa0001 wrote:
One of the useful epiphanies I had this summer is about failure - that what is important about your failure is not just the failure itself, but also how you handle it. "It's all about how you handle it" became my mantra whenever I screwed up; rather than dwelling on the mistake, I focused on fixing the consequences of the mistake. Instead of dwelling on the past, I tried to focus on the future. It worked very well.
My only other advice is to be gentle with yourself. And remember, "Sick Days" are S's - do what you need to in order to heal.
Best wishes.
KCCC