KCCC's check-in

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Well, aren't I racking up the reds this month!

At least it's more "strictness" than "binging." This one is a "barely red" as opposed to "blown it" red. My son and I were mixing up popsicles today from various fruit mixes, and we had more strawberry than could fit in the mold. Essentially, it was a smoothie - frozen strawberries, a little pineapple juice, and a bit of honey. And I chose to have a small glass.

I love smoothies, but don't have them often b/c I consider them "too sweet" for N-days, and not quite indulgent enough for S-days. I think I need to reconsider in one direction or the other.

Rest of the day was fine. I had a Pilates class for exercise, plus spent a little time playing in the pool.

Br- bagel w/cream cheese, cafe au lait
L - leftover zucchini, bell pepper strips, and Tower of Tortilla
(Smoothie snack in the afternoon)
D - PB&J on whole wheat, salad with strawberries and cashews (in a bit of a hurry)

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Exercise was just 15 minutes of Pilates "on my own" this morning - but enough to raise a sweat.

Br - Oatmeal w/trail mix and nuts, cafe au lait
L - Salad w/strawberries and cashews, last of the Tower of Tortilla, and a small fruit-only popsicle (homemade; had about half a banana, a little pineapple juice, and a bit of honey in it)
D - tortellini with mushroom sauce, broccoli, focaccia (homemade)

I am on leave, but still at home, so am doing "No-S @ home." That's always hard for me, which is why I decided that the fruit-only pops were okay as part of a meal. This week, anyway. I'm still undecided about the smoothie/popsicle debate overall - even though I think the contents are fine, they do feel like a dessert.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Had a kick-butt Pilates session. It was the last for the season, and I think the instructor was making sure we'd remember her - at least until the soreness wore off.

Br - Bagel with cream cheese, cafe au lait
L - 1/2 veggie wrap with hummus, salad with cashews, blueberries
D - grilled cheese sandwich on whole-grain bread, blueberries, trail mix
(Also had an extra cafe au lait in the afternoon - permitted rarely.)

Hard day in some ways. NoS@home continues to be a challenge. Today I took my son blueberry picking in the morning before it was too hot - delightful. Then I went to exercise class (he sat in the back and read - good little guy), and then I turned him over to his dad because it was my turn to work. Had some stuff that HAD to get done. Afternoon is not my best working time, but it's what I had... so the cafe au lait helped. And I got it done.

But it's only 7, and I have a severe case of snack-itis. I am hoping that reporting now will dissuade me. Don't want to have to come back here and edit!

[kccc]

Made it through yesterday, and I'm done. Exercised today - 15 minutes of Pilates. Good enough.

We leave for vacation tomorrow. See you when I get back!

[blueskighs]

We leave for vacation tomorrow.

KCCC


HAVE FUN!

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Thanks, Blue!

I'm on vacation with wifi, which rocks. We're at the beach for a week, renting a house. A very family-oriented vacation.

Today was a bit over the top for an S-day, though yesterday wasn't (we traveled). Today, I did well enough until evening - a few treats, but all "within range"... and then hit evening and ate a BUNCH.

Not sure how to navigate the whole vacation thing. Thought I'd just wait and see... and now, I'm doubting myself.

I am going to plan 3 meals a day. That always helps. But I'm doing "easy, kid-pleasing meals," and that doesn't always translate to meals that I love.

Will see how it goes.

On the plus side, I'm getting more exercise than normal. I love walking on the beach.

[blueskighs]

KCCC,

you sound like you are having FUN!

just want to let you know I am taking a "vacation" going to spread my wings a bit and stop checking in, at least through August,

take care and thank you for all your inspiration and wisdom,

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Blue, will miss you but hope your vacation goes beautifully. Thank YOU for all your support and inspiration!

On the vacation front here...

Br- 4 mini powdered donuts, cafe au lait, cheese toast. (The donuts were a "beach at sunrise" treat with kids. They had milk with theirs. The cheese toast was when I got back, so I had some protein to anchor all that sweetness. Kids ate cereal.)
L - Ham sandwich, 1/2 apple, banana
Snack? "Tea?" - PB sandwich, nectarine
Dinner - 2 slices pizza, watermelon

The snack (or second lunch!) was because we went to a water park - grand fun! - and were eating lunch early to go. So we took a break for a little picnic around "tea-time," followed by a late dinner when we got back. Worked out well - we avoided buying junky/expensive water-park-food when the kids got hungry.

So, for me, an early treat and a whole extra meal today... but I skipped the ice cream everyone else had in the evening, and I did NOT perma-snack. That is key for me, I think.

And as long as I can remember what I ate, I'm good. Even if it's a lot, I can remember discrete meals (but not perma-snacking). So, I'm going to report my vacation days to keep them in relatively "non-idiotic" territory.

[kccc]

Tuesday...

B- oatmeal and cafe au lait
L - chicken quesadillas, broccoli, watermelon
Snack - Ice cream "Drumstick" (king sized... and I'd have been better off with less)
D - shrimp and linguine, broccoli
Dessert - Ice cream and graham crackers

The kids loved the drumsticks, but both of them threw them away unfinished because they were full. My son said "I don't think I'm ready for king-sized" as he dropped his in the trash can. Wow.

I'm watching and learning.

[kccc]

Lost track on Wed, and think I perma-snacked a bit much.

Thursday...
Br - English muffin, egg, one slice Canadian Bacon, small slice cheese (a home-made "Egg McMuffin."
Snack - 5 strawberries (while fixing snacks for kids)
L - grilled shrimp, fries, grits, slaw, one hush-puppy. Too many fries - I was stuffed for hours. Hard to tell, but probably more than one plate.
Dinner - more grilled shrimp, broccoli, mac'n'cheese, carrots.
During the day, a few bites of other people's snacks, but not a real portion. (Literally one potato chip, one spoonful of ice cream.)

We gave the kids snacks because we knew lunch would be late. I started to eat, then thought "I don't want to spoil my appetite." Same in mid-afternoon. A good day, overall, even though I ate BIG portions (or seconds) at meals.

[kccc]

I'm Baa-aack. (What, no one knew I was gone? Well, we had wireless, so I suppose I wasn't gone from here, in a way.)

Friday and Saturday were both junkier than I would like. However, they're done, vacation is over, and I'm going back on normal schedule today at 6:00 (which is when my N-days start). We got in last night, and I broke down and weighed this morning - which I shouldn't have. Up two, but I usually weigh on Fridays, NOT after S-days! I expect by next Friday I'll be at "normal."

I loved the beach. Got in at least 30 minutes a day of walking, sometimes more. Exercise will be a major challenge now that my classes are "between sessions." Maybe time for Shovelglove... we'll see.

Let's see if I can track today, just for fun.

B- scrambled egg sandwich, cafe au lait
S - cookie at church
L - chicken quesadilla (plus a small bit my son left), strawberries.
Dessert - root beer float

Not as bad as I'd actually feared, actually. I'll have a normal dinner and be done.

Added- Dinner was London Broil, potato, broccoli. And I exercised - first round of Shovelglove (SG from here) and some stretches and a short walk. Go, me!

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Re-entry was easier than expected - that's a relief.

Br - oatmeal, trail mix, cafe au lait
L - PB&J, carrot, grapes
Dinner - Steak salad (with leftover London Broil), homemade Focaccia.

The bread is where I'd really go overboard if not for the "no seconds" rule - it was So good!

Exercise - 15 minutes of Pilates. Not a lot, but something.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Br - Bagel, one half with cream cheese, one with PB; cafe au lait
L - chicken quesadilla, grapes, 1/4 banana
D (planned) - pasta with homemade pesto, salad, another round of homemade focaccia

Exercise - SG again this morning. I decided it's an official part of my d exercise, and posted my routine on the SG page. Also a bit of kicking in the pool - maybe another 15 minutes.

I think doing SG every other day will work best for me, mixing it in with Pilates or Yoga.

--
ETA: I did my planned dinner, but really over-did the focaccia. It did fit on my plate, but this batch was thicker. I feel very stuffed...that'll learn me.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Br - Kashi cereal, banana, cafe au lait
L - Out... one plate, in 1/2 - 1/4 - 1/4 pattern
D - baked fish, cauliflower, grapes, focaccia (again!)

Exercise - Pilates, leg focus

[kccc]

For Thursday...

No S
Exercise

Br - Oatmeal with trail mix, cafe au lait
L - salad, grapes, cashews, focaccia
D - Tower of tortilla, broc/cauliflower mix, watermelon
Glass wine

Exercise - SG

For Friday

Exercise - yoga stretches

Br - Bagel w/PB and banana, cafe au lait

[kccc]

Getting too busy to mess with daily postings. But that's okay.

Friday was okay. Saturday and Sunday a bit over the top, but not miserably over. Monday back on track, and am so far today.

Exercise
Monday - SG
Tu - Pilates

Need to fit in a walk or something. Fifteen minutes is better than nothing, but it's really not enough.

[blueskighs]

KCCC,

sounds like you had a fun vacation and great job and jumping right back on track when you got home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Blueskighs, it is lovely to see you!

Haven't been posting as regularly. I've been buried under work and was out-of-town again for 4 days between work and family travel. Did No-S pretty well, but didn't get all my exercise in this week. The changed schedule just made it harder...ah well. I did do it this morning, so I'm getting back on track.

Have been very "off schedule" in terms of food this weekend. We had a HUGE restaurant breakfast (buffet) both days, a little later than normal, so our other meals weren't on schedule. One ended up just being snacks on Saturday, and I think will today as well. But that's okay. I felt stuffed, but not OVER-stuffed each morning... it was sort of interesting to sit there and think "they have X, I love that and hardly ever get it..." and internally respond "yeah, but I'm full now."

Which is not to say that I didn't eat treats, just that I didn't perma-snack or go TOTALLY crazy with them.

Still, I have been eating out a lot these last few days, and am ready for some normal cooking. More fruits and vegetables, that kind of thing.

[kccc]

Haven't been posting much here lately... just too busy, and it's gotten a little boring to list what I ate.

And I seem to be doing pretty well overall, which is a good feeling. Even when I travel, which is nice. The S habits are getting stronger.

In fact, last night I grabbed dinner on the way to someplace from my favorite grocery-with-deli-options. Half a veggie sandwich, and some sushi. However, it was the bigger size of sushi, not the smaller one I usually get, and I could tell after I finished it that I would be STUFFED if I ate my sandwich too.

So I didn't.

Now, the sushi alone was a little light - a piece of fruit with it would have been perfect. But I would definitely have been too full with the sandwich too. I did get hungry right around bedtime, but just had something to drink and went on to bed. And today I had the sandwich for lunch with salad on the side.

That was a good decision, and I'm pleased that I've reached a place where I can make it.

[resting52]

Dear KCCC,

Yesterday you said:


"That was a good decision, and I'm pleased that I've reached a place where I can make it."

Isn't that a sweet revelation!

Sounds like you are doing great.

Resting

[kccc]

Thanks, Resting!

It IS a sweet revelation (lovely term!). As was the weekend, when I sat at the fantastic buffet and realized "but I'm full."

I used to eat as if I'd never see food again. Get it now, or it will be gone! And I think somewhere deep down, I was full of fear that there somehow wouldn't be "enough."

And now...my feeling is more "Well, this is nice, but there will be nice food again." I don't feel I have to eat it all now; I can wait until I'm hungry next time. Feeding myself better food on a regular basis has led to more trust in the future, on the deep emotional level that's just not amenable to reason.

I have a better sense of what I need/want, and a sneaking suspicion that much of it never really had to do with food at all.

[kccc]

Sunday, and back on track. Ate a bit much over the weekend - didn't manage meals as well as I've been doing. Ah well.

Did go for a nice walk today, which I enjoyed. And my Pilates class starts again next week, which I'm glad about.

[funfuture]

I used to eat as if I'd never see food again. Get it now, or it will be gone! And I think somewhere deep down, I was full of fear that there somehow wouldn't be "enough."

And now...my feeling is more "Well, this is nice, but there will be nice food again."

That's a great insight, KCCC, and one I am hoping to get to in practice! I have issues around being hungry as a child, so the idea that there is plenty all the time and that I don't have to "stock up" when food is available, is one I'm still convincing my body about. But I'm getting there.

Good for you!

[resting52]

Dittos to you and ff. Where does that lie come from? NoS seems to be wonderful and uncovering the food lies I've held as truth for as long as I can remember.

Here's to a green Monday for all of us!

resting

[kccc]

For Monday - Failure on No-S

Well, bummer. All I can say is "pride goeth...," etc. I was really thinking I had this No-S eating down pat, when I fell off the wagon. A tough day at work, a late dinner, and a crazed evening with rowdy little boys combined to create... seconds. I was trying to virtual plate, and honesty compels me to admit it was well into seconds territory. Harumph.

However, I am pleased that I recognized it, acknowledged it, and did not binge out from there.

And I am doing better today. So there.

It is getting easier to "mark it and move on" as I become more consistent in success. When a red is an aberration, it's more noticeable.

[kccc]

In honor of Labor Day weekend, I extended my "S" from Friday evening at 6 (when I normally start) THROUGH Sunday evening (normally stop at 6). We had a cookout with friends.

But I've gone back to an N-day today. There are no big celebrations planned, and no need to go overboard.

Since I'm home, I will have nice meals.

[kccc]

I confess that "NoS@home" was a bit difficult today. SO... I'm proud of myself that I managed it. (Yes, I'm bragging. It was not easy around 4 PM.)

And I did ShovelGlove. And I did make real meals that I liked.

[kccc]

Today I ate out at lunch with friends. It was a restaurant they chose that I don't normally go to. I made a choice that sounded both good and reasonably healthy - a Greek Chicken salad, with greens, chicken, feta, etc.

Later, I looked up the nutritional info, just for grins. It was horrendous - even without the dressing (which I didn't use, fortunately).

It was even worse when I looked at what the WW points would have been: 13 points, if you understand those. For reference, 18 used to be my daily limit when I was losing.

...BUT... that was on a restriction diet. Now, in the context of the overall day, it was okay. First, I can have bigger meals when I don't snack - I used to use a lot of "points" for snack food. Second, I know my general eating pattern is pretty healthy, so one kinda-high-fat meal won't kill me. (The fat is what drove up the points. The calories were not unreasonable for 1/3 of a day.)

Third, I'm not on a restriction diet anymore.

I do think restaurant meals are to be avoided - my cooking is SO much healthier! - but I am just astonished at how much more comfortable I am with that meal than I would have been in the past. If I'd done that back in my SAD diet days, I would have been distraught. Now... eh, no biggie. My weight has been pretty stable for a long time now. This won't make a difference. The only "lesson" for me is just not to eat out too much, since I know that restaurant food is generally untrustworthy.

[kccc]

... oh, for the record... today was a SUCCESS.

[blueskighs]

Hey KCCC,

good to "see" you!

Honestly I almost hate to go out to eat and it has been an issue with my hubby who LOVES to go out to eat!

for years I have "subconsciosly" limited it to 1 to 3 times a week unless traveling or moving ... you know stuff like that
about ten years ago I developed that particular habit and its one that has stuck with me ...

that being said .... I did say almost, because when I go out once or twice a week then I really enjoy it!

sometimes I get sick and tired of preparing food but then i just try to compromise and settle on stuff that is really quick and easy to put together.

the way my husband and I worked it out is we usually go out Saturday night, if he wants to go out again on Sunday, he can go but interesting enough he ususally doesn't. THen since he works out of the house he goes out during the week.

ANYWAY ... have a happy friday,

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Blue, I think that is an extremely sensible approach - very No-S-ish in its "moderation mindset."

I do much the same - one or two meals out per week are okay. After that, got to start being extra careful.

And if I'm going to eat out, it SHOULD be special! Time with friends or family, really good food, that kind of thing. I don't want to just spend $$ and eat bad-for-me stuff b/c I'm too busy/tired/lazy to put together a meal.

I've found that when I'm tired, a quick-and-easy meal at home actually beats finding the energy to go out! There's always PB&J (yummy with natural PB and really good bread) or grilled cheese or quesadillas in an emergency. With a side of salad or carrot sticks and fruit, they make a perfectly acceptable meal.

[kccc]

Had a great birthday weekend (which I posted about on the main board, wrt to the birthday cake.) Back to usual life today. A little hungry, but nothing unsurvivable.

I am enjoying my S days so much more than I used to.

We went out to eat on my birthday, to a new local restaurant. Italian style, you pick your pasta and pick your sauce and they make it fresh. Some really good choices, too. I had fusilli with a shrimp-zucchini-tomato sauce that was wonderful. My son had cheese ravioli with pesto, and my husband a seafood ravioli with a seafood sauce. We all loved our meals.

I ate as much as I wanted, but had some left. (Not the shrimp, of course - I'd eaten out the "good stuff.") We got a to-go box and poured the sauce my son didn't finish over my pasta and brought it home. My husband and I split it as a side dish at dinner (son didn't want any).

All delicious. All enjoyed. But no feeling of being way too stuffed.

[kccc]

Got back on track after my birthday No-S....nothing much to report for the week.

Today I'm at a conference, and the food is just amazingly good. I caved and had dessert (really 2 halves of dessert, one at lunch and one at dinner). I'm counting it as a NWS. Even though I usually start my No-S on Friday, the usual rule is 6PM on Friday. The lunchtime dessert was definitely a choice.

It was totally worth it too. However, I'm really not used to that much sugar anymore. The cookies at afternoon break didn't even tempt me, and I was astounded at people who got several desserts at lunch... until I remembered that I used to do that too.

And then I remembered how I'd hate myself for eating that way...I am SO GLAD I found No-S!!! I love being able to enjoy food in reasonable amounts.

[kccc]

Hard time on exercise lately - missed a lot of my classes. I have been doing "15 minutes," but sometimes that's just walking.

But I'm doing what I can. There are days I wouldn't get 15 minutes if I didn't want my green HabitCal square.

No-S is easier all the time... I really like how much I have internalized the habits.

[kccc]

I have been having a hard time with exercise - barely getting in my 15-minute minimum, and actually got a RED last week. (Should have checked my HabitCal - my untrustworthy memory told me I had an exempt day left, but it was wrong.)

So I am pleased that I walked on Sunday and went to yoga today. A good start to the week (which, looking ahead, I need - will be hard later in the week.)

Snacked a lot over the weekend, but am back on track nicely today.

[kccc]

Oh, an interesting S-day thing... I was at the grocery on Saturday evening, and looking for an "S-treat." It was very hard to find something I really wanted. I ended up with a Dove candy bar, but in all honesty it wasn't that good.

While writing in my journal the next morning, I realized that I'd had a tremendously busy and somewhat stressful day - just too much in it - on top of a busy and stressful week, and the candy bar was an attempt to "treat" myself, or take care of myself. So, I thought about "what would REALLY make me feel better?" and made some different choices on Sunday than I might have otherwise (like fitting in exercise and a little downtime).

It was interesting (1) that I didn't binge, just ate one thing I-really-didn't-want-all-that-much and (2) I recognized what was going on. Okay, I recognized after the fact, but that's still a step forward. (In the old days, I'd have eaten all evening, been angry with myself because it wasn't "allowed," and felt worse...)

Good changes.

[blueskighs]

KCCC,

sounds like you had a great experience in getting your real needs met!

a little downtime

this is one of the strongest weapons in my arsenal and in our hectic information overloaded inundated modern world, I find "a little downtime" goes a long way!

YAY YOU!

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Well, don't cheer too soon, Blue. I had an out-and-out failure on Monday. I knew it was when it was happening.

And it's not surprising - all the warning signs for "comfort eating alerts" are out.

In retrospect, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought at the time. I made home-made pizza, and was hungry before it was done. Nibbled on ingredients, and ate a lot when it was finished. (Usually I have a moderate portion with salad or fruit.)

But... it was the equivalent of a 12-inch pizza with thick crust. An overloaded, seconds-level plate for sure, that left me feeling over-stuffed. But I stopped after that, didn't go on to inhale everything in the kitchen, and got back on track today.

So, I'm reporting it, and counting it red... and moving on.

And today I exercised. And I'm going to bed now, because I really need sleep.

[kccc]

Quick update... doing pretty well overall.

One thing I noted is that I have been eating out a lot lately, just because of work pressures and schedule. That is something I need to take into account when it gets too frequent. Had a salad at a local place for lunch yesterday - no dressing, but very yummy with nuts, cheese, fruit, chicken... and over 900 calories when I looked it up later! Salad!

I'm so glad I'm no longer on a restriction diet. Had I been, that would have sent me over the edge. As it was, I paused... then shrugged and thought "one meal." And the rest of the day was normal (even rather light in the evening, b/c I was still full).

Still, it's an alert to remind me that restaurant food is deceptive AND I need to watch portion sizes. If I'd divided it into two portions, it would have been reasonable - and with a small bit of bread, quite satisfying. I just ate until it was gone, and was stuffed.

Note to self: If you don't fill your own plate, make a conscious choice about what is "one plate's-worth" when it's put in front of you.

And... I'm moving on.

PS- I'm pleased that I'm generally doing well on No-S even with my semi-crazed life right now. In the past, I'd have binged out from stress or task-avoidance. It's a testament to how well the habits have become second-nature that I have held them this well.

[kccc]

The place where stress is hitting me most is my S-days. They've gotten pretty over-the-top again. Fortunately, they're BOUNDED, which helps - I have no inclination to carry them over into the week.

However, it's time to take action.... I think Blueskigh's "filter" is the best: Am I ENJOYING this? I don't truly enjoy perma-snacking or eating-as-task-avoidance any longer, and I know it.

So. Today, real meals that are yummy, and a SPECIAL treat that I will enjoy.

I love the way that No-S allows me to modify habits without beating myself up. It still seems a little counter-intuitive that being extra-nice works, but it's true - much more effective than any other course of action. Plus it helps address the "root cause," which is that I need a little nurture right now.

[blueskighs]

KCCC,

it is always good to hear from you on the boards!

It still seems a little counter-intuitive that being extra-nice works, but it's true - much more effective than any other course of action.

it does seem counter-intuitive, but fortunately it works. YAY!

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Me again. Still buried. Had a kick-butt exercise class yesterday... which brought home how erratic my exercise routine is. I think if I'd been in class regularly, it would have been easier.

But I'm doing what I can do.

On the positive side, had a LOVELY meal yesterday! It fit my "1/4 plate" guidelines, and was immensely satisfying - fast, easy, and delish!

- Grits and shrimp. Real, stone-ground grits, with butter and Parmesan, served with stir-fried spiced shrimp.
- Broccoli - always a favorite
- Fresh pineapple

Good ingredients, simply prepared.

This fit the "ENJOY" principal exactly, within N-day guidelines. Love it.

[kccc]

Managed to exercise today, which is good. Despite my good Tuesday class, I've already used my 2 exempts for the week. So, have to slide in at least 15 minutes... and it will be a challenge, since I'm at a conference and sharing a room.

Speaking of which... I get bonus points for sticking to No-S today.

Lunch at the conference was fine - a reasonable meal of chicken, rice, and veggies (though I could tell they had too much butter on them). But then they brought out dessert... a tiny slice of incredibly rich chocolate/cheesecake in layers. EXACTLY the kind of stuff I love.

I reminded myself that "there would be nice food again," and skipped. Sat there and watched everyone else eatl. Oh well.

Then, at supper, I ordered a steak salad. It was delish... and enormous. After my experience earlier this month with salad, I made some portion-decisions upfront. I ate a little more than half, but stopped at the "satisfied, but not stuffed" mark.

I am patting myself on the back here, because it was a harder-than-usual N-day. But I made it.

Oh... and there was a reception later, with lots of good snacks. I resisted those too. But I allowed myself some wine, and enjoyed every sip!

[kccc]

Okay, I am re-thinking my "Friday night to Sunday night" S-day pattern.

The past two weeks, I have taken a NWS because of eating past 6:00 on Sunday. Both days, I made pies and they weren't done by 6:00. No way I am passing up totally home-made pie, after I worked to make it! (And the schedule just worked out that way...)

Both days, I had one slice and stopped, and that was the end of the S-day. But if that's what I'm going to do, maybe I should plan for it. (And both times, Friday night was not great - more "I deserve" eating than truly satisfying.)

I don't have anymore NWS days for the month (my limit is 2), so I guess I'll need to figure it out before next weekend!

[kccc]

Trying to work on exercise, which had gotten kind of minimal... have done very well this week, but I can FEEL that it's harder than it used to be. That's telling me something.

But to celebrate accomplishments...
Sunday - long walk plus stretch
Monday - Yoga class
Tuesday - Pilates/Yoga class

Both the classes are tough ones - I'm feeling them.

Today will be minimal, which is fine. This week is already better than last.

[kccc]

No-S Failure last night.

I taught class last night. The nights when I teach are difficult in terms of food anyway, because class runs from 4:30-7:30. I have figured out an approach , which is to eat a big lunch, slightly late, and a very light supper after class. That normally works.

And since it's inherently a long stressful day, I usually go to my favorite whole foods grocery store with deli and buy something I really like for supper. Yesterday, I was looking forward to this particular Greek yogurt I'd found, and some sushi.

They were out of both. And the replacements were not satisfying (another brand of yogurt was grainy, veggie sandwich was boring). So, when I got home, while packing leftover pizza for my son's lunch... I ate a slice. It was my favorite kind, and just looked so good.

I stopped at one, and wasn't stuffed. But it was after supper, and definitely a second or snack... and it was definitely emotional eating. It did satisfy me, and I actually don't regret the choice very much. I didn't go WAY overboard, and I DID enjoy it.

But I'd like to do better next time. I think the key is no second-rate choices to start with!

(And I have pizza for MY lunch today - totally legal and yummy!)

[kccc]

Enjoyed my lunch pizza today, and had my kick-ass Pilates workout so I'm full of virtue.

Tonight, I canned apple pie filling. My first foray into canning. I invited a friend over who'd done it before. She was a lot of help, and it made the activity much more fun to have her.

The reason for this flurry is that my folks gave me a bushel of apples from their trip to the mountains. (I had NO idea how much a bushel actually is! I gave away 2 dozen before I could fit them in my fridge.) They needed to be used, and I wasn't sure how. Applesauce? Family isn't wild about it. I evaluated other options, and decided on apple pie filling.

And I'll enjoy those pies on S-days.

It is funny to me that I cook more on N-S than I used to, and enjoy it more.

[blueskighs]

Enjoyed my lunch pizza today, and had my kick-ass Pilates workout so I'm full of virtue.

Sounds like a V. GOOD day KCCC!!!

I cook more too on NO S, hmmmmmmm ...

Blueskighs

[funfuture]

The canning sounds great - what a nice way to spend time!

[kccc]

I'm struggling a bit these days. Was an idiot on my S-days. And definitely had seconds tonight, which is not like me - my N-days used to be pretty solid.

Sigh.

So, I'm going to start logging again, starting today. And I'm going to PLAN MEALS I LOVE. That second - focusing on enjoyment - is important.

So today... a good Pilates workout.

Br- 1/2 multigrain bagel with cream cheese, 2 cups cafe au lait
L - 1 sq homemade veggie lasagna, salad with nuts and strawberries
S - Salmon burger, pickles, banana.
Snack - nuts, chips, trail mix. Maybe a cup total. Not enough to have registered two years ago, but I see it clearly as a snack, and a back-slide that needs to be stopped now.

[kccc]

Wednesday 10/22 - No S SUCCESS
Exercise SUCCESS

Made a yoga class at lunch - a very good one.

Br - oatmeal w/banana and nuts, cafe au lait
L - leftover lasagna, carrot, applesauce
D - yogurt (Greek - very good) and a veggie roll (sushi)

All very good food.

So far on Thursday
Br- 1/2 bagel w/cream cheese, cafe au lait
L - I've bought a veggie sandwich and some more of that decadent Greek yogurt
D - ?? Traveling, so I'll stop and get something. If I can hold out until I arrive, I'll have a nice sit-down dinner.

[gratefuldeb67]

Hi KCCC Yoga is so great! Glad you had a good class
It can really turn your whole world around and you just feel so good!
I miss my class and my yoga instructor from the past, but I am unable to pay for the classes at this point. I still stretch at home, and meditate when I think of it, but the feeling of being in a class is really special because you pick up the positive vibes from the whole group.

Have a nice day
Debs

[kccc]

Thanks, Deb!

Catching up... had pretty idiotic S-days this weekend, but they're over. My son's birthday party, and I made GOOD cake and icing. I've noticed I'm perma-snacking on weekends again though, so want to work on that.

However, I did well traveling on Thursday and Friday. Don't remember the details, but they were good. And I got in my exercise, by the skin of my teeth. (I did allow an extra miss, between the birthday party and the travel. Same rules as No-S eating - an extra S-day.)

And glad to be back on track today.

[kccc]

For Monday 10/27
No S
Exercise

Br - oatmeal, cafe au lait
L - Chicken quesadillas, carrots, applesauce
D - "Tower of Tortilla," cauliflower
(An extra cafe au lait in the morning - but that's okay.)

Exercise was minimal - yoga stretches before bedtime. 15 minutes, so it counts.

[kccc]

10-28-08
No S
Exercise

Real exercise today - my Pilates class. Which, alas, I will miss on Thursday.

Br - Kashi Go Lean cereal with dried apricots, cafe au lait
L - Pad Thai - Shrimp. And I get bonus points for calling for a "to-go" box right away and portioning it into "what I would put on my plate if I were serving it."
D - An odd conglomeration - "egg in the hole," small baked potato, 1/2 pear, and steamed cauliflower. I did resist finishing up a bit of "Tower of Tortilla" left from yesterday - I love it, and came to dinner hungry...

Dinner was odd b/c I'd planned fish, which wasn't thawed. And it was only my son and me tonight, and he plaintively (but politely) asked if he could have leftovers instead. So he had Tower of Tortilla, and I thought he'd finish both pieces so I made "egg in the hole" for me. And of course, then he wanted some too, and a piece pf the "Tower" was left.

It will make a decent lunch, with veggies on the side. And it would have definitely been seconds. Just such good comfort food.

I did have a glass of wine later.

[kccc]

10-29-08
No S
Exercise

I'm assuming success on No-S for the moment, and will change it if needed. But I think I'm good.

Exercise was minimal - just 15 minutes of walking. But 15 minutes counts. I'll try to fit in some evening stretches as well.

B - oatmeal w/banana and nuts, cafe au lait
L - Leftover Pad Thai (my reward!), carrot, banana, fruit leather
D - planning on lasagna and something else - not sure yet. The lasagna square is waiting on me in the work fridge for after class. I may go get some yogurt or salad to go with it.

I meant to eat the lasagna for lunch, and "save" the Pad Thai (lasagna need to be used today; PT would probably last). But I WANTED Pad Thai leftovers for lunch. And I decided to have what I wanted.

If I throw the lasagna away because I really DON'T want it, that's okay too. But I think it will be fine for supper.

==
D - my lasagna, and assorted odd "free food" from work. A handful of Goldfish crackers, and a tiny "sandwich bite" (Don't know what to call it - sort of a small sandwich, quartered. I had a quarter.)

Not the greatest, but it would all fit on one plate. I did "virtual plate" the crackers - I teach on Wednesdays, and class runs from 4:40 to 7:40, and I was about to fall over by break. But I did very carefully account for them on my plate when I got to the rest of the meal.

[kccc]

10-30-08
No-S
Exercise

Not the best of days for No-S.

Slipped on a slick paving stone this morning, fell, and messed up a knee. Between that and a road trip in connection with work, didn't exercise. Not sure how bad the damage is - I've iced it, and am hoping for the best.

No-S included seconds, which is why the red. I've figured out that I can "use up" my willpower when it's assaulted.

B- toast, banana, cafe au lait. Left early, and ate as I dressed. Not very satisfying.

Then I made my trip... where I sat in a room with a brunch spread for hours, resisting bagels, banana bread, etc. There's where I used up my willpower. Lunch was late, and where I lapsed.

L - Mexican restaurant. My colleague and I split a single order of fajitas, which was good... but I really ate a LOT of chips. And with the little plates, it was hard to define "a plate." Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure it was in "seconds" territory, which is why the red.

D- salmon, potato, corn, pear slices. Normal.
Two glasses of wine.

Okay, it isn't really so bad as I write it. I like the journal because it keeps me from "awfulizing" a lapse. I actually made "exercise" red today, then looked at my habitcal and realized I've exercised every other day this week, so it's yellow. (My rule is 5 out of 7,) Mind you, except for Tuesday all my exercise was at "minimal level," which really is pretty minimal... but still, I have DONE it under difficult circumstances. It counts, in terms of habit.

And that makes a difference. When I keep habit, I get back into the swing of it quickly, no matter how low the current level. When I break the habit, I have to start from zero. Like starting a car that's moving slowly versus one with the engine turned off.

Plus, while lunch was definitely over-the-top, I did NOT use it as an excuse to go hog-wild. Dinner was normal. No other snacks.

And I'm going to "mark it and move on." (I need to find out who said that originally, so I can thank them.)

[kccc]

Oh, and my "take away" from this experience is "eat satisfying meals." I have no doubt that if I'd had a better breakfast, the spread would have been far less tempting.

Tomorrow I'm eating breakfast out with the family to celebrate my son's birthday. And I intend to enjoy every bite.

[la_loser]

KCCC,

I checked the topic--the Honesty Required thread from July 28, 2008

http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic ... y+required

Vicki aka vmsurbat said: I finally came to my senses and realized that choosing to eat a small bowl of ice cream does not involve *moral* guilt and wasn't worthy of dithering about. Just mark it red because I had a sweet and therefore didn't meet the requirements for marking it green. No big deal. Mark and Move on is a new motto!

She recently posted her three month check-in boasting an 11 pound loss--so I guess "Mark it and move on" has worked for her! Yea Vicki! You've been an inspiration to us!

And KCCC--just mark today and move on. . . it's nearly the weekend! OMG-watching ER and Gates just told a little kid who was gobbling down too much candy that he was just upset and what he was doing is "emotional eating." I laughed out loud.

Travelling is tough too. You've stayed the course for so much longer than most of us; you know you'll be ok. Hang in there!

Hey I've got it. . . Mark It and Move On. . . MIMO! So MIMO MIMO MIMO!!!

[funfuture]

well done for sticking with it at a difficult time, KCCC. And happy birthday to your son. DD's birthday is nov 1 - turning 8. That's a strange coincidence.
Hope your knee is feeling a bit better - those sorts of injuries can be nasty.

[kccc]

LA, thanks for finding the author for me! I've edited the "sticky" quotes thread to credit her, and I'll go post on her thread to thank her.

Funfuture (btw, I love your name), how neat that you and I have kids the same age. Aren't they a riot? DS is so enjoying his birthday - it's fall break for school, so it's extra-special today.

My knees are better today - one is scraped, the other feels bruised, but it's clearly better. Last night I couldn't tell if the pain was gearing up, or if that was it. Looks like that was it. I am grateful.

So... marking and moving on... with a smile.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

I am so glad tomorrow starts a new HabitCal.

B- we went out for my son's birthday. I ordered what would have been a HUGE meal, if I hadn't had less than half because I split it with my 8-year-old who is in a growth spurt. As it was, I had about one egg, a small portion of grits, 1/2 biscuit with gravy, and one slice of bacon. Had OJ (also shared) and cafe au lait (before I left the house).

L - 6" Subway sandwich
Tiny bit of birthday cake to celebrate the b'day. (We had a party and big cake last weekend. This was a 4" cake, one layer, split 3 ways. Just a few bites.)

D - small serving of "Tower of Tortilla"

Snacks and sweets: Besides the cake, a handful of nuts, a bit of my husband's beef jerky, and two mini Halloween candies. I'll probably have a few more later.

[kccc]

Catching up...

My "few more later" turned into wa-ay too many Halloween candies, and the insanity continued over the weekend. We were camping out with the Boy Scouts, and it was COLD, and everyone brought junk.... ah well.

Mark it and move on. They were S days.

Today was N-day@home, which I've ALWAYS found challenging. However, I posted about it, and planned a wonderful meal for the evening. So, it worked out. And I walked for exercise.

B - scrambled egg sandwich (one slice bread), cafe au lait
L - Tower of tortilla, tortilla chips, canned peaches
D - Barley with onions, carrots and peas; chicken sausage; roasted butternut squash

No S
Exercise

[kccc]

Tuesday, Nov. 4

No S
Exercise
Meditation

Busy day, and I'm pleased I was able to stick to No-S. Exercise wasn't do-able, and meditation (a new habit) was a guided relaxation as I was falling asleep. Minimal, but I'm counting it.

B - egg, toast, cafe au lait
L - Subway ham sandwich, a few chips
D - Barley (I made a LOT of it), a bit of chicken, peaches
Glass of wine

We made a trip to Atlanta to go to Ikea... and they didn't have what we went for. Still had a nice day. My son and husband got a treat to eat at the marketplace. I'd hoped we would be there by lunch, so I could have lunch there, but we didn't make it. I allowed myself a small bottle of sparkling pear juice, which I shared - fewer calories than a glass of orange juice, but a treat. And much better that the cinnamon-bun that my husband ate - I swear it was the size of our child's head!

[funfuture]

Hi KCCC,
Nice to read your blog and follow what's happening for you. Thanks for the comment about my name - not sure why I chose it, but am glad I did - except I keep sending messages from home re work matters and as often as not they go out under that moniker - oy vey - what a goose - usually gets a bit of a laugh though. Someone at my work now has re-christened me "funfactory" - it's a bit of a hoot as, actually, I'm really very sober in my real life! hehe
That is a coincidence about our kids - I love having a daughter - I miss her baby years, but on the other hand, it's great having her as an 8-year-old - each stage brings new joys. Am just incredibly grateful she is in my life.
fun
x

[kccc]

For Wednesday 10/5/08

No S
Exercise
Meditation

Exercise was minimal - 15 minutes of Pilates in the morning. But that actually was hard to fit in, so I'm proud of it.

Mediation was "real," in the afternoon when I "slump" anyway. It helped.

No S

B - oatmeal w/ banana & nuts, cafe au lait
L - BARLEY (boy, did I make a big pot! Good thing I really DO love it), nuts, an apple
D - Sushi spring roll (it's all veggies wrapped in a rice thing - very light) and Greek yogurt. (Yum. I am spoiled forever for regular at this point.)

Funfuture, how nice of you to check in. I read somewhere that you and I were about the same age when your dd and my ds were born (on the pregnancy thread?). Whenever I see that bumpersticker that says "If I'd known grandkids were so much fun, I'd have had them first," I feel like raising my hand and saying "I did that!" But, aside from the genetic worries when I was expecting, this is a GREAT age to have a child. I'm so much less frantic about little stuff than when I was younger - good for us both!

[howfunisthat]

Hi...I was just reading about you having a child at an "older" age....I did too! I love finding things in common around here! I have three teen boys - 17, 15, 14, and a 3-year old girl. I had her when my hubbie was 50 and was 45. I LOVE being a mom of a little one again...it feels as if the list of things that are "big deals" is just so much shorter and the list of things that are to be not taken for granted is tons longer!

"Older" moms rock!!!!

janie

[kccc]

Howfunisthat, I do hope I'm not confusing you and funfuture on the age. I suddenly have a sinking feeling she's barely 29 and miffed that I mistook her for older!

My little guy is an "only." After multiple miscarriages, we had actually given up, and ds was a "happy surprise. We try very hard not to spoil him rotten.

I was 44 when he was born - one year younger than you were (though he's 8 now, so I've got a few years on you overall). I've met a very few people on the internet who had kids older, but no one IRL - I do know a lot who had kids in their 30's though. The funny thing is that I often get assumed to be about 10 years younger than I am because I have a kid that age. (I'm not complaining.)

I did have the first-time-mom lessons about giving up on perfection. (No way to be a perfect parent, lots of ways to be a really good parent... and your child WILL cry or display totally embarrassing behavior sometimes). But I agree, the list of things to be grateful for is long. Having a kid at this age totally rocks!

[funfuture]

Hi KCCC and Howfunisthat ... would love to be 29 again (well, not really - I'd just like some more years up my sleeve )...but I'm now 51. You were right that we are much the same age KCCC. I adopted my daughter from China when I was 44 and she was 1 year old. She was born 1/11/00. Very auspicious. And yes, I too love that I can bring all the advantages of being 51 to mothering. I know that compared to my younger self I am more patient and more tolerant and hopefully a bit wiser! I also know how lucky I am to have this opportunity - which I don't know that I would have done at 25 or 30. I know I would have fallen in love with DD just as much, but perhaps would have felt I was missing out on other life experiences, such as career or travel or whatever. I don't now - we still travel and I like having a career - I think it works well for DD and me that I do because otherwise I would perhaps be too intensely focussed on her - and it means I have the finances to bring her up - but having said that, she definitely takes first place in my life.
Re motherhood and age though, I am feeling some regrets at the moment that I didn't have biological children - not really rational regrets - they're probably coming up as part of the ageing process as I head into menopause - it's more because I'm enjoying being a mother and so realise I could have made different life choices that might have allowed me to have more children if I had started at a younger age... but then, could I really have made other decisions? and would my experience of mothering have been the same? I'm aware that the choices I did make were the only ones I could make at the time (given who I was and my life context) and that life has its own way of panning out that is beyond our control. What is that Spanish proverb? If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Certainly, if i had had bio children, I doubt I would have had DD - and that truly would have been a tragedy. I wouldn't swap her for anyone - bio child, imaginary or real - in a million years. I think these rumbling feelings of regret really are more about losing my fertility and moving into a new phase of life. Ah well...

Now that was a long rave! gomen neh. One last thought about being an older mother. My brother often teases me about whether or not I've finished adopting my grandchildren (ha ha). And then there are the comments from the general public. DD and I are of different races (I'm white, she's Chinese) and I look older than I am. I have completely white hair (which I realise I could dye, but the effort is beyond me - grows back too quickly and I look like Pepe La Pew after about a week - showing my age with that reference!) so there is rarely a day that goes past when someone doesn't comment to me on my lovely granddaughter. I've learned to take it on the chin!

[howfunisthat]

KCCC & Funfuture...

How delightful that all three of us have this "older moms rock" attitude!

Funfuture, thanks so much for sharing your story about adopting your daughter. It's a wonderful story...and what a wonderful life you have with her. I know I'm odd, but I prefer to believe there is just one race...the human race...the rest is rich and varied cultural differences...so you are your daughter are as the same as if you bore her. I'm thrilled for you.

KCCC....I am so sorry for the miscarriages you had....that is a grief I've been spared, but my heart does go out to you as I'm sure those times were so very difficult. It's wonderful that you have your boy....what a joy to both your lives!

I wish I had more time to write, but I have to take our middle son to school this morning. I homeschool the others, but he needs school....he NEEDS baseball!...and he's exactly where he needs to be...well...he WILL be when I get him in the car!

Thank you both for sharing your stories....they are terrific....

janie

[kccc]

Funfuture and howfunisthat (both of you "fun" ladies - love it!)

I do love being an older mom, though I do sometimes wish I'd started earlier, had more than one, etc. Then I stop and am just grateful.

The miscarriages were hard. I had two, spaced out by years of "not getting pregnant." The second was the hardest - I was 40, and convinced that "that was it." Took me a while to come to terms with it. But... I had watched another friend who couldn't have kids destroy her life through holding on to her angst, and was determined to work through mine. I ended up with this weird view of the situation, sort of a 2X2 grid, with children/no children on one axis and happy/unhappy on the other. The way I reasoned it out...

1) there are people with kids who are happy
2) there are people with kids who are UNhappy - always complaining, etc.
3) there are people without kids who are unhappy - can't let it go
4) there are people without kids who are happy - never wanted, or came to terms

...and my "big insight" was that the critical choice is not "having kids" but "choosing to be happy." (Sounds simplistic, but I really had to work through to it.) So then I worked from that intention, and thought about what I wanted from "kids in my life," and how could I have that even if the kids weren't mine? I didn't want to be like my friend, who couldn't bear to be around kids since she couldn't have them. (I'm still sad for her - she cut herself off from so much.)

I actually succeeded so well that when I found out I was pregnant again three years later, it was quite a re-adjustment, lol!

But I think that process was good for me, hard as it was. I now "choose to be happy" more than I did before, and recognize the choice. And, even at the times when I'm ready to lock my child in his room until he's 20 (kidding! but you know those moments!), I'm still grateful for him.

Okay, enough babbling.

On No-S, for 11/6

Br - bagel, PB, banana, cafe au lait
L - out with friends - portobella ciabatta and fruit ("lite" menu - but good).
(I packed barley, but decided I was tired of it and could throw it away when I got the lunch invite.)
D - more friends over...my old college roomies in town. Great to see them! I had pork chops, salad, broccoli, cous-cous, bread. I did snack a little on the appetizers (pretzels with mustard dip and apples), but think I can virtual-plate those... and since I did NOT eat the home-made apple pie with ice cream that I made for my guests, I'm counting it as a good day.

However, no exercise. And meditation was "guided while falling asleep" - really borderline. Sigh. I'll work on those.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise
Meditation - by the skin of my teeth

Yesterday was not the best day in terms of habit.

Ate out with friends (my old college roomie is in town) and ate late, and too much. Went to a place I'd been dying to go back to. They'd changed the menu since I was there before, and I didn't like what I got that much.

So I ate it ALL. And more. (Does that make ANY sense? Yet, I see it as a pattern. Somehow, I overeat on the things that are least satisfying.)

I also had a lot of sparkling water, which I love... but the combination of too much food, etc., led to waking up feeling ill in the middle of the night. I think reflux, though it's not something I've experienced before.

I ought to color the day red. But I start my S's on Friday night, and go through Sunday at 6. Technically, it was an S, if a particularly idiotic one.

I also didn't fit in even 15 minutes of exercise, which is a red since it's the third miss this week (my goal is 5 out of 7). Sigh. Meditation was a "falling asleep" one, which I think is borderline cheating but am allowing for now.

HOWEVER. I got up this morning, and have already walked for my exercise. (Thanks to the encouragement of my dear husband, who waited to leave to run his errands because he knows if I don't get going in the morning on weekends, it won't happen.) So, today will be better. It already IS better.

I am planning "real meals I like" for today. And in all honesty, I still feel just ill enough to remind me that "eating just because I can" is NOT a kindness to myself. I NEVER enjoy that kind of "defiant eating," so why do it? "Allowed" does not mean "obliged." I have a lot of things I can CHOOSE to do today that I can enjoy; there's no reason to fill time with eating stuff that I'm not truly enjoying.

I intend to make good choices today.

So there.

[howfunisthat]

KCCC...I only have a minute or I'd spend awhile commenting on your "I choose to be happy" post...it was wonderful....

Just wanted to say that the term, "defiant eating" really rang a bell for me. I've never heard that phrase before...perhaps you defined it...but I really need to think about that....I think I've been mushing everything into emotional eating, but defiant eating sounds like a whole different bird...and one I think I need to ponder some...

Hope you have a great day! janie

[kccc]

Yesterday was interesting.

I exercised - walk AND yoga (felt good). I did "real" meditation.

I felt mildly sick from eating all day long.

And I didn't even create a to-do list (which I normally do every day), because I knew I didn't want to do any of it, and wouldn't be able to do most of it because I was in childcare-mode b/c my husband needed time. In all honesty, the "didn't want to" was the big part, though.

We invited a friend over for ds, and I did make homemade pizza for the boys for lunch. But most of the day, I curled up with a book, and just let myself relax.

Sometimes, accepting that "this is where I am" is the best way through. I've learned I have peaks and valleys in my energy levels - not like manic/depressive or anything, but just... well, if "normal" is 100%, there are days I'm super-woman, operating about about 120, and there are down-days when 85% is a struggle. (This is an important thing for me to know. I used to set all my targets when I was in super-woman mode, and beat myself up when I couldn't reach them on down-days... or even normal days.) Yesterday my period started, and since I'm 52, things are a bit weird these days... and I didn't sleep well, and I've just been pushing in a lot of directions. So it was a down-day, and I read and did the minimum.

S-days are still variable for me, after all this time. I am getting better at them overall, and accept that sometimes it's a two-step forwards and one back process.

And Larissa's comment this morning about failure is one to keep. "It's all about how you handle it." And I'm going to mark it and move on, with no regrets.

Now, for today, I AM making a to-do list.

Exercise
Meditation
No S

[funfuture]

and my "big insight" was that the critical choice is not "having kids" but "choosing to be happy.

KCCC that's a wonderful insight. There's a lot of wisdom in your words. Thanks for being so open about your life experiences and what you have learned.
Fun
xx

[kccc]

Hi, FunFuture - it's nice to know other people are reading this. Hope some of my meanderings are useful.

Back on track this morning, and grateful to for an N-day. If nothing else, unsatisfactory S-days make the normal structure more welcome.

And I did fit in my meditation and exercise yesterday. Real meditation. Exercise was by the skin of my teeth - "bedtime yoga." It counts, perhaps extra because it took a bit of intentional "oomph" to do it at all.

Cheers,

KCCC

[resting52]

Hey KCCC,

Being at OUR age is interesting, isn't it? That was very insightful about not making the to-do list at 120%. It is time to give ourselves more grace. You are doing a great job!

Resting

[kccc]

Thanks, Resting! It's interesting to me that I feel that I'm continuing to grow so much LONG after I was officially an adult. I suppose most people do, but once we're through with formal schooling, it's so much less clear.

For 11/10
No S
Meditation
Exercise

I am still gearing back up. Got a lot done yesterday, but avoided my "big task," so it's on the books for today. Will report back on that. (There, THAT will hold me accountable!)

Br - oatmeal, banana, nuts, cafe au lait
L - Tower of Tortilla, broccoli, apple (I love having something frozen for days-when-I-don't-have-lunch)
D - sausage sandwich - chicken sausage dog on a hoagie bun with sauted onions and peppers and GOOD mustard. Really good! I didn't even eat anything with it other than a few extra onions/peppers.
Glass of wine

Meditation was "real" meditation. But didn't fit in exercise. A thing to focus on.

[kccc]

For 11/11

No S
Exercise
Meditation

Real exercise - my kick-butt Pilates class. Meditation was "going to sleep" barely there. Ah well.

Br - egg sandwich (ultimate comfort food), cafe au lait
L - sausage, bread, carrot, apple, yogurt
D - turkey, salad, potato
Glass of wine

For 11/12, I've already done my exercise - Shovelglove (which I haven't done in a while) because I don't think I'm going to have much time today, so best to get it in early.

I did work on my big project yesterday, but did not make the progress I need to. Off to do that now, so won't be back on until late, if at all. (Making "anti-bookmark" note to myself.)

[kccc]

11-13

I'm letting myself by with a green for No-S, but there was a bit of virtual-plating there.

B - oatmeal, raisins, nuts, cafe au lait
L - turkey, salad, carrot, small bag of baked chips
S - sushi (California roll w/brown rice), plus a handful of nuts, (That's the virtual plate, which if I do it again will be a red. Too borderline.)
Glass of wine

Exercise - shovelglove
Tried to meditate at work, and the phone rang TWICE in five minutes. Gave up, and will do a bedtime meditation. I did try.

And I'm up too late... going to bed NOW.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise
Meditation

I'll just copy what I wrote on the other board about No S. But I did okay with exercise, and I'm going to go meditate now.

And then go to bed. I've been hit with a sudden cold.
==
Today is a red day for me.

I totally blew it at lunchtime - as close to an all-out binge as I've had in a while. Standard triggers... multiple random small disappointments, plus having to sit next to food-I-couldn't have all morning (and even provide some of it - one of those social situations).

At lunch, I cracked. I ate 3 cookies and 3 slices of pumpkin bread (which is really a sweet), in addition to a regular lunch. Four hours later, I still feel stuffed.

I stopped myself then, and thought about the day thus far. And really, this event is a social thing that happens once a month, where people WILL bring food (it's even assigned) and perhaps it should just be an S? And I think it may be in the future.

But it's not an S today, it's a failure. And the difference is that I didn't consciously CHOOSE in advance that "this is worth being an S-day," I just cracked. It feels different. Though both the cookies and the pumpkin bread were good, I ate mostly because I was unhappy and stressed and disappointed. After the first cookie, it was "blown it anyway" thinking in action. All of that adds up to failure.

The only good part is that it's now contained. The day is red because of lunchtime... but the remainder of the day would be green if I counted in smaller increments. Plus I did go exercise, as planned, even though it was a bit uncomfortable because I was so full.

The red day is not over, but I am over the failure... in part, because I recognized its nature and called it by name.

[gratefuldeb67]

Feel better Sis!
Take good care of yerself!
ps.. while I was my sickest in the last month, *all* I wanted was sweet stuff.
I am never like that. I am sure it's the virus asking you to get more sugar in or something..
Don't beat yerself up!
Hugs and feel better!
Blessings
Debs x

[blueskighs]

multiple random small disappointments,

KCCC

usually those are worse triggers for me than catastophes ... all that stuff just building up and not much to do with it ..

glad the day is over and on to the next,

Blueskighs

[kccc]

I am so appreciative of all the kind words and support. Right now, I need it.

I am thoroughly sick. I'm barely functional, but so overwhelmed I have to keep moving. Not a good place to be. It's only a cold, but I feel as if I'm trying to think through a cloud - like driving in a heavy fog.

I'm drinking lots of hot tea, and will go work at home so I don't infect the office. Just as soon as I finish these last few tasks...

The good thing is that I'm not very hungry. And hot tea with honey (because I don't care for the taste of the good-for-my-immune-system-tea, in place of my regular herbal tea) is awfully nice.

Maybe the sugar binge was in part storing up for this illness... but I think it was mostly the "random small disappointments" adding up. Blue - a friend of mine says that that experience is "like being nibbled to death by ducks."

At any rate, I'm going to go get better. Thanks again.

[funfuture]

Look after yourself KCCC - it's awfully difficult having to plough on when you are feeling ill. Not good.
Take care.

[resting52]

Dear KCCC,

So sorry you are feeling lousy. Hope you will have the space to take care of yourself.

BTW Nibbled To Death By Ducks is the name of a mystery novel by Robert Campbell. Do you know HIM??? That would be very cool.

Resting

[kccc]

Dear KCCC,

So sorry you are feeling lousy. Hope you will have the space to take care of yourself.

BTW Nibbled To Death By Ducks is the name of a mystery novel by Robert Campbell. Do you know HIM??? That would be very cool.

Resting

No, but I think I will have to look it up! I wonder if it's a saying that he and my friend both picked up, or if she read the book. (I do know a couple of authors, but not in the mystery genre.)

I am a bit better this morning, but know I may fade in the afternoon (I slump then on a normal day, and doubly so when under the weather.) But I took some time to baby myself and sleep, and that has helped a bit. And I've decided I WILL slow down a bit. (The "how" is a bit fuzzy, but the need to do so is clear.)

[kccc]

Back and feeling better. Amazing how much sleep helps! That, and hot tea - I've been drinking a lot of the medicinal herbal teas, and they do seem to alleviate symptoms. Some of them taste a bit nasty to me, so I've been allowing myself a spoonful of honey per large cup - which makes such a difference! I think not having sweets on a regular basis makes me really notice when I do use some sweetener.

No S
Exercise
Meditation

Br - bagel with pb and banana, cafe au lait (one extra because I was working at a coffeeshop)
L - ham, mashed sweet potatoes, salad with cashews and apricots.
D - ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat, banana
Glass of wine

I bought a ham when I went grocery shopping - they were on Thanksgiving sale - and cooked it on Sunday. Lovely to have time to just pop something in the oven and have dinner later! Plus lots of leftovers, and I've already frozen some for future meals. Tomorrow I'll make 15-bean soup with the ham bone.

Exercise was a gentle yoga session, and meditation will be a "going to bed" one. Slow and gentle on both counts, but holding habit.

[kccc]

No S
Exercise
Meditation

B - oatmeal with nuts and trail mix; cafe au lait
L - turkey tetrazzini, apple, banana
D - more turkey tetrazzini, peas and carrots, pineapple slice
2 cups of spiced cider (while I served cider and chocolate-chip cookies to my guests)

Exercise was the kick-butt Pilates class - I will be sore tomorrow!
Meditation will be skin-of-my-teeth bedtime relaxation

I had people over for a committee meeting. I bribed them to meet here (so I didn't have to get a sitter - hubby was away) with homemade chocolate chip cookies and cider. No cookies for me, but I enjoyed the cider.

[gratefuldeb67]

I had people over for a committee meeting. I bribed them to meet here (so I didn't have to get a sitter - hubby was away) with homemade chocolate chip cookies and cider. No cookies for me, but I enjoyed the cider.

Whoa! You rock!!

[howfunisthat]

So glad you're feeling better!!!

janie

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

Meditation?? Who knows.

Busy, busy, busy day. I'm bushed.

Br - 1/2 bagel with cream cheese, cafe au lait
L - Panda Express - a FULL plate, but half was steamed veggies (in place of rice)
D - homemade bean soup (thank goodness for the crock-pot and Noel's inspiration!), crackers
Glass of wine

Ran from meeting to meeting to class to shopping for an event tomorrow... I'm pooped. So I think I'll go to bed, so that cold doesn't come back on me.

[kccc]

I had people over for a committee meeting. I bribed them to meet here (so I didn't have to get a sitter - hubby was away) with homemade chocolate chip cookies and cider. No cookies for me, but I enjoyed the cider.

Whoa! You rock!!

Well, I "un-rock" today.

No S
Exercise

Br - bagel, pb, cafe au lait
L - sandwich, veggies, chips
D - sandwich, veggies, seconds on sandwich (1/2), 2 cookies <-- here's the red
Glass of wine

This week has been too busy. Had to leave early most mornings, and I've yet to have an evening free. Boy scouts, church meeting, teaching (I teach from 4:30-7:30), the second-grade musical. Work meetings in another city twice this week, plus an all-day retreat. All good - but TOO MUCH. I am exhausted beyond words.

Today was another work-related meeting where attractive food sat out all day. I have realized this is a "trigger" for me. I did not eat the chips, cookies, snacks all day long, then fell off at dinner, after the day was officially over. I have had to work so hard all week, and JUST GOT TIRED OF TRYING. So there. Defiant eating. "I deserve" eating. "Reward myself" eating. "Trying to take care of myself in a not very productive manner" eating.

Plus the cookies were homemade (not by me) and delicious. I intend to get that recipe.

At least my failures are far more "contained" than they used to be. (I'll take my triumphs where I can get them. ) And I will recognize that this red is a clear signal that there are genuine issues I need to address. I NEED more personal time than I'm getting. I need better ways to take care of myself. I need to lower the general stress level.

Yellow on exercise because there was simply no time. Left early, home late. Second miss - next one will be a red. Sigh.

Oh heck. It's early enough that I can do bedtime yoga if I will just drag myself off the computer. 15 minutes is enough to count... and will buy me some space the rest of the week.

[blueskighs]

TOO MUCH ... I NEED more personal time than I'm getting

KCCC,

sometimes easier said than done but I support you in getting what you need ASAP! I am having to lower certain expectations and get more rest, maybe just face that I really am human. One day I got something in the mail and I was so angry I just wanted to eat. I had to face the fact that I had to take action and address that situation pretty much immediately. It was scary, but it was face something I had put off for ten years or eat. That was in the beginning of October. Now that I have "dealt" with it, there is still aftershocks, but I don't regret finally taking action at all. The aftershocks are relatively minor and much more manageable. I try to look at all this as just the motivation to stay as true to my "real" self as possible and getting ample "down time" is a necessary ingredient for me too,

Blueskighs

[kccc]

Blue, thank you SO MUCH. I so appreciate your support and wisdom!

I came back on to say that I earned my exercise green today, so erase that yellow! Not a big one physically (15 minutes of yoga-like stretches), but it took some mental "oomph" to get it, so I'm proud of it.

And I feel so much better for having done it. It took out a lot of the stress that I was carrying in my body. Exercise can be hard (in terms of gearing up to do it), but it's way up there in terms of REAL self-nurture.

And sleep is too. So I'm going to turn in early. But first....

I'm celebrating my
BIG GREEN EXERCISE SUCCESS

[kccc]

No S
Exercise

I start my S-days on Fridays at 6:00, and end on Sundays. So today was an S-day. It was a bit indulgent, but I'll report...

B - oatmeal, nuts, cafe au lait
L - Instant seven grains meal (Something I had bought to try and kept in my desk as emergency rations. Today I needed them. It was okay, but would have been better with fruit or veg on the side.)
D - Went out to a Chinese buffet, and I went a little wild. Two plates (but NOT stacked, and one was quite light). Dessert as well. I'm full, but not so stuffed that I'm miserable... but it IS far more than usual.

Sheesh, that's why I normally don't report S-days. They really are embarrassing.

Exercise - I got up early and did Pilates. That felt good, on multiple levels. Getting that one in means that now I can't fail on exercise for the week (my rule is 5 days out of 7, and I've hit it). Plus, it's just a nice way to start the day.

Meditation... will go do that in a minute.

[gratefuldeb67]

I'm really proud of you KCCC for your exercise Success!
Love
Debs

[kccc]

Thanks, Deb!

It's a good thing I "banked" that exercise, because today it just didn't happen.

We were doing a kids' craft thing at church this morning, and I was one of the major helpers. However, the person in charge ended up in the emergency room (she's pregnant, and her water broke early, so she's on bed rest now), and those of us who were helpers went in early to figure things out and take charge. We did well, but it was hectic.

I'd already planned a work afternoon - a colleague came over to the house so we could work on a project. It lasted longer than I wanted it to. And then... and then... Just a very busy day.

But I ate decently, for an S-day. (I'm going to start reporting S-days - when I'm not SO embarrassed I just can't, anyway.)

B - 1/2 bagel w/PB, cafe au lait
L - 15 bean soup, veggies (left from a veggie tray), crackers
Dessert/snack - Homemade pumpkin pie. It's what I really wanted, and I allowed myself to make it. (Pie doesn't take long, except for baking time. And I was here anyway.)
D - two slices pizza, more veggies.
Dessert - another slice of pie
Glass wine

It's interesting... I love pizza, and there's more. But I'm full. I love pie, and there's more. But I'm full. I went grocery shopping, and saw all kinds of goodies that I could buy for an S-day... but no, just not interested. I'd had what I wanted.

My usual difficulty with S-days is perma-snacking... but I didn't want to snack today. I think it's because I asked myself "what do I REALLY want?" and listened to the answer. I wanted to wait for my pie. And it satisfied me.

[gratefuldeb67]

It's interesting... I love pizza, and there's more. But I'm full. I love pie, and there's more. But I'm full. I went grocery shopping, and saw all kinds of goodies that I could buy for an S-day... but no, just not interested. I'd had what I wanted.

My usual difficulty with S-days is perma-snacking... but I didn't want to snack today. I think it's because I asked myself "what do I REALLY want?" and listened to the answer. I wanted to wait for my pie. And it satisfied me.

That's awesome!!!

[kccc]

Deb, thanks for cheering me on!

Today was less restrained, but sort of evened out.

I exercised first thing, knowing it would be a crazed day. 15 minutes of Pilates, enough to work up a real sweat. Go me!

Br- oatmeal, trail mix, cafe au lait

Lunch - Here's where it gets odd. We had a meal at church - salad, bread, chili, and I didn't get enough. My son was given a tiny bowl because someone serving thought a child didn't eat much. He's growing, and wanted MUCH more, so we switched. So I had a teensy bowl of chili, salad, a slice of bread (good multi-grain stuff), and a small brownie.

Snack/treat - because I wasn't satisfied, when I got home I had two slices of leftover pizza and a slice of pie. The siren call of those favorite foods could not be resisted!

However, that filled me up for the REST of the day.

Dinner - 1/2 tuna melt. That's it, and the only reason I ate that was so I would sit with the family at dinner, and it WAS dinnertime, and I didn't want to be ravenous later. So, combining my snack and dinner, it was almost a reasonable amount of food.

Wine - 2 glasses

And since I end my S-day at 6:00 pm on Sunday, I'm done. Not too bad overall.