KCCC's check-in

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:00 pm

KCCC, you're my inspiration! All this time, all this consistentcy......

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:04 pm

Me too - I love to read your posts - on any topic. Thank you for all your encouragement

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:35 am

Wow KCCC! I'm so excited for you! You've done such an excellent job getting back to where you wanted to be by making small adjustments ... A true inspiration!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 4:08 pm

Thanks, everyone! Sophiasapienta, I laughed when I read "all this consistency." The only thing consistent is that I don't quit - but I feel as if I'm ALWAYS re-balancing, whether it's attending to "S-creep" in my eating or just "different exercise" because I'm getting bored.

"S-creep" just came to me, derived from the idea of "scope creep" in design work - where, as you create something, the possibilities open and the range of potential work can increase dramatically. It's a problem if you've contracted to do so much work for X amount of money - if "so much" changes, the amount needs to as well, and you need to pay attention and renegotiate. It's a common problem in both graphic design and computer programming. For No-S, it's the little things that sneak in, the gray areas that you (well, I), let slide until they become a problem. Bites, licks, and tastes while cooking. Lunches in containers that hide the fact that they'd be a pretty big plate. Bread that really is balanced on the edge instead of properly on the plate. That kind of thing.

Anyway, the ability to make those changes calmly really has been a plus for me. In the past, I've been less-than-calm when my weight went up, which usually made the problem worse, not better!

Friday - no exercise. But that's okay.
Br - oatmeal/banana
L - tortellini, small slice bread, salad, two figs. AND I left some of the tortellini, because I was full! (This is rare. I usually calculate portions pretty well.)
D - grilled cheese and watermelon - in a hurry.
Later that night - 2 glasses wine, wild thing that I am.

Hubby and I had an impromptu date night. The "Art Theater" in our town was showing "Babette's Feast" (part of their summer classics series), and we had been meaning to check out the theater... so, after some scrambling for childcare, we went. If you have not seen this film, you should... or at least check out the Wikipedia entry about it. It is visually beautiful, like a string of Vermeer paintings, and to me, it speaks of the "sacredness of everyday things." The approach to food is interesting as well... lots of attention to detail and quality, but not quantity.

And, it was DATE with my favorite guy. We both agreed we should do that more often!

That was a good Friday night strategy - something special that was not food-centric. I will remember that.

This morning (Saturday), woke up hungry and ate toast w/PB. Then did a three-mile walk (go, me!).
L - crackers, cheese, pepperoni, fruit (watermelon, peach)
S (tiny) - a piece of hard candy. It was good.

Not feeling like a big indulgence thus far. We'll just see how the day goes.

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 5:14 pm

KCCC wrote:Theater" in our town was showing "Babette's Feast"
That was a good Friday night strategy - something special that was not food-centric.

KCCC You' made me giggle.

Over the years, I've seen "Babette's Feast" several times,
and I couldn't call an evening watching that film an activity that was "not food-centric".

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 5:53 pm

Oh, my gosh, the scene where the townswoman is showing Babette how to cook. Such aplomb on Babette's part, if I remember correctly.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 7:53 pm

BrightAngel wrote:
KCCC wrote:Theater" in our town was showing "Babette's Feast"
That was a good Friday night strategy - something special that was not food-centric.
KCCC You' made me giggle.
Over the years, I've seen "Babette's Feast" several times,
and I couldn't call an evening watching that film an activity that was "not food-centric".

Lol, you are right! It's an incredibly food-centric movie.

I was thinking of seeing a movie not being food-based activity. (Which it isn't for me in general - I won't pay movie-junk prices. And this theater is less junky in that regard...)

But this movie - yep, very focused on food.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 7:59 pm

oolala53 wrote:Oh, my gosh, the scene where the townswoman is showing Babette how to cook. Such aplomb on Babette's part, if I remember correctly.

Yes, the head chef of a famous restaurant, being taught "Ale-Brot". The instruction to "let it soak" (stale bread and dried cod... yuck!) repeated over and over. She was so polite!

I had seen this YEARS ago, and remember being a little repulsed by the food prep... not always pretty. But this time I was more caught up in the loving attention and the larger story of reconciling "responsibility and bliss" - always a balance.

And the shawls, since I now knit. A podcast I listen to once used the term "sweater porn" to talk about hand-knitted garments that were so interesting that they distracted you from the plot. Babette's feast has some of that, too.

Mostly, I was happy to be there with my hubby and watch, and bump into a few friends, and enjoy FINALLY getting to the "Art Theatre" (I'll be back!). All great.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:17 pm

Weekend was good. Saturday was barely an S-day - I had one ounce of chocolate and a half-cup of homemade tapioca pudding.

Sunday was a bit more - quite a lot of S-events scattered through the day. But still with the 3-meal structure I've come to depend on, and NOT so much that I felt "icky." I did reach "Hm, I'm a bit full, perhaps I should have skipped..." but not that really unhappy-with-myself level of fullness.

And I walked both days.

Serious walking, too - 3 miles on Saturday, 4 on Sunday. In fact, I forgot my pedometer on Sunday until I was getting ready to walk (early afternoon) and STILL got 10,600 on the pedomoter. (I'd guess 12000+ easily if I'd counted everything.)

Monday
Exercise - yogalates. Boy, I love this class!
Br - oatmeal with craisins (need to get more fruit)
L (planned) - salad, watermelon, cheese and crackers
D - TBD, but it will use up leftover chicken.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:36 pm

Dinner last night was chicken quesadillas, salad, cucumber and tomato from the garden.

Today
Br - oatmeal with cinnamon apples
L (planned) - chicken, salad, crackers
D (planned) - hot dogs, potato salad, green salad, whatever I can find for fruit (need to go to the grocery for that)

Exercise - walked this morning - up to 7600 on the pedometer thus far.

I am not particularly fond of hot dogs, but the guys like them. So, I buy really good all-beef organic ones, which helps, and make sure to put something with it that I do like. I've learned that if the meal doesn't satisfy me, it's harder to stay on track.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:53 am

mmmm, tomatoes from the garden! They ARE good this year, aren't they? We have been feasting on tomato sandwiches on homemade wheat bread......heaven!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 1:39 pm

Wednesday was a RED.

Got in minimal exercise - yoga - and only 4000-ish steps. Spent a LOT of time on the computer.

Br - two slices ww cheese toast topped with tomato slices (mmmm)
L - plate at My Favorite Place... which turned out to be disappointing. Salad bar lacked "color," and I didn't like the main dishes. Doesn't happen often that I'm disappointed with them.
D - Brown rice, new pork tenderloin dish that I quite like, watermelon, peas and carrots. All good
S - TWO glasses of wine, 3 figs, 1 ounce dark chocolate, 5 gummy bears

The day was disappointing on many fronts, starting with work (computer glitch cost me a few hours... and the work I have to repeat is mind-numbing) and health (PT is over - last appt - but I'm still in pain. Not sure where to go from here) and general life (wanted to make an appt for a haircut, and couldn't; was reminded of several looming tasks for organizations I belong to, and don't know where I'll get the time...). And I realized "I'm in a funk" and, at some point, decided to just allow myself "treats." And I did.... and was soon done. I no longer wish to eat past physical comfort-level, which puts a sort of natural limit on eating-for-comfort.

So, a red, and probably way more food than I needed. But a contained red, which I consider a mark of ongoing progress. I think the realization and acceptance of the day as NOT one of my best helped a lot too. Hoping that the next stages include acceptance of a bad day without turning to food as a treat.

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:18 pm

So true KCC, the realization that we are eating out of the norm when it used to be the norm is very empowering, isn't it?

You are doing great,

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jul 16, 2010 1:44 am

I like the 'contained red' summary of that day. It's all relative, isn't it KCCC?

And being kind and accepting of yourself - even on a bad day - is so reasonable.

Those words: 'reasonable' 'moderate' 'accepting' 'kind'

What great words to describe where you are with your red day. Not bad at all.....

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 16, 2010 12:38 pm

Thursday

Muscle strength class, which I haven't been to in a while and am sore from this morning. A good sore.

Br - 1/2 bagel, cheese, blueberries that a friend gave me from his yard
L - leftover pork tenderloin and rice, watermelon, figs - yum!
D - bacon, eggs, focaccia, fruit salad (plums and blueberries!), juice
Glass of wine

Focaccia is an odd mix with "breakfast for dinner," but I had the dough mixed and was in the mood for it.

Friday
15 minutes of "anything" (light stretches)

This is a "clean out the fridge" day in terms of what I brought, lol!
B - potato salad (vinegar-based, not mayo - love it). Aside: I've always held that any food that was healthy at lunch/dinner was fine for breakfast... used to eat chili for breakfast as a teen (partly to get at my mom, who wisely let it go), and STILL love leftover pizza as much as any college kid. So, this may look weird, but was good to me.
L - brown rice with sauce (no more tenderloin, alas, but the sauce is good); salad; figs; about an ounce of pepperoni because I didn't have a protein and am tired of cheese.
D - TBD. Will have to be fast, because we have a "Family Date" tonight. Probably tuna melts or grilled cheese or the like. Maybe out... we'll see.

Hubby informed me last night that he's going on a diet, and cutting carbs. I think he's misguided in both his choice and his implementation - to him, that meant he didn't eat the brown rice I served on Thursday, but did eat the focaccia on Friday because he likes it (and that's essentially white bread, though with no preservatives/chemicals). I am also not happy with the potential impact on family meals - I cook a lot of pasta and "blended" dishes. Think I'll just ramp up the veggies/salad/fruit and let him worry about picking out what he doesn't want to eat of the rest of it. Don't want to be unsupportive, but there's a limit to what I can work around. However, I am pleased that he's also trying to ramp up exercise, and am trying VERY hard to support that.

"Family Date Night" - a local pottery studio offers a "Try Clay" one-day class on the wheel, which we are all going to together. I am very pleased about planning an end-of-the-week activity to look forward to, and think that doing so fairly regularly will take care of problems with No-S on Fridays. An activity like this answers the "real need" (for play and relaxation) far better than food.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 16, 2010 12:49 pm

Scrybil and Berry,

The red day was actually kind of interesting to me, because in the past when I've turned to food for comfort, there's been an underlying tone of defiance in it. "I deserve"... "So there!".... that kind of thing. Like, I shouldn't do this but I'm going to... and then I'm going to feel really bad about it, both physically and emotionally.

This time, it was more "This was not a good day"..."I am allowed to take care of myself"... Kind of a recognition that sometimes I operate at less than peak efficiency, and I'm allowed to. I chose to eat as a nurturing strategy, and stopped before it became its own problem. Who was it who says "if hunger isn't the issue, food is not the solution"? I guess I had to test that a bit - and the food was NOT the solution, but at least it didn't do a lot more damage. I stopped not as an effort-of-will, but in recognition that "this isn't really what I need, and if I eat more I won't feel good."

There's still quite a lot of room for improvement around eating-for-comfort, but I feel that this kind of red day is actually a step forward.

ShannahR · Post by **ShannahR** » Fri Jul 16, 2010 2:36 pm

KCCC,
I have been thinking about the issue of eating for comfort myself lately. I realized that I need to acknowledge that there is comfort in eating. It's been that way for thousands of years so it's probably hard wired into humans and that won't change just because I want to lose weight! I concluded that it is okay to eat for comfort SOMETIMES. It only becomes a problem when it is your primary or one of very few methods of comforting yourself. Even if you overeat when comforting yourself it's not a disaster. For me, just accepting that was a huge load of guilt off my chest, as I'm sure it was for you! Of course, it's best to have limits in either frequency or amount, like you did, but it will probably happen more than once and it's not the end of the world.

Congratulations! I think it is a huge step forward to be able to calmly make a decision to eat for comfort. Maybe, eventually, you won't eat for comfort anymore but if that doesn't happen it sounds like you've made peace with the situation.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:47 pm

Weekend was a bit much in terms of actual intake.

Had a Friday night ice cream with family, so ANOTHER red (Good until then.) Just felt celebratory after our "Family Date."

Saturday - a milkshake at lunch. HUGE. Next time, I give myself permission NOT to finish it, no matter what the cost. I ordered a salad for lunch, so I'd have room, and got a "small" milkshake... but still too much. Had a dessert later too - can't remember what. Ice cream, I think.

Sunday - Decent during the day, but in the evening I ate stuff because "I can't have it tomorrow." I'd baked a homemade apple pie, and wanted ONE piece! In honesty, I wasn't hungry for it... and I don't like that dynamic.

Otherwise, was okay. Had my usual meals. Walked on Sunday (missed Saturday - oh well.)

I am really thinking about Friday nights. I would like ONE S-event then that's legal, and am considering making that a mod. Or maybe even a "limited S-event" (something homemade only, or with a calorie limit, or something like that). We'll see.

Mark it and move on. Weekend is over. And I forgot my nicely-packed lunch/breakfast today.

Br - cheese and grapes. (Bought a "food to go" cupful from the over-priced food place on campus.)
L - cheese left from AM (there was a LOT in the cup), pretzels from the vendo, and about a cup of blueberries that a colleague brought to the office. Fruit, protein, carbs... not the most wonderful, but enough to get by.
D - planning on chili and LOTS of salad and fruit!!

Exercise - Yogalates. Love that class!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:24 pm

Exercise this morning - walk. I'm shooting for 6000 steps on the mornings I walk for exercise (just for the walk, I mean).

And I remembered my lunch/breakfast today!!!

(Though I was pleased at my ability to cope yesterday.)

Br - oatmeal, 5 fresh figs from my parents
L (planned) - leftover pasta from Sunday, canteloupe, banana
D (planned) - pizza, salad, fruit

My son is having a mid-week sleepover - he and his best friend are in the same summer camp, so we agreed. They are thrilled.

Just read vmsurbat's 2-year check in. She doesn't post a whole lot, but almost every one of her posts is golden! Her description of the "but-I'm-entitled pull" on S-days is spot on - exactly what I was dealing with Sunday night. I'm going to be thinking about that this weekend. And also thinking about Friday nights...

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:01 pm

I love fresh figs...

I know that 'but-I'm-entitled-to-it-pull' so well, too! I'm only 3 months in so I reckon it's to be expected. You always strike me as someone who manages the pulls and cravings so well - it's interesting (and useful) to know that you are still working at ensuring NoS meets your needs. Thank you

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 5:20 pm

Idk, I came to No-S with a LOT of "baggage" around dieting/eating. So, it's taken me a while to get rid of it.

My S-days were really wild for about a year - fortunately, my N-day-compliance was very good, and it evened out well enough. Overall, my S-days have calmed down quite a lot, but I still see room for improvement... and "eating when I don't really want food" is a clear place for it, whatever the reason I'm doing it!

No-S started me down a path that is healthy in so many ways. I am learning to listen to my body and my real desires more clearly - a good journey to be on.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:56 pm

Wednesday

Walked for exercise (about 2.5 miles)
Br - 1/2 bagel, PB, banan
L - Leftover pizza, melon
D - lamb, sweet potatoes, salad, fruit salad

Th
Exercise: Muscle strength class
Br - fruit "skewer", slice brie, crackers (at a reception)
L (planned) - leftover black bean chili, melon, salad
D - TBD. Probably tuna melts

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 2:30 pm

Th dinner was Tower of Tortilla, tomatoes, canteloupe

Fr
No exercise so far (gym is closed, can't fit morning exercise at home)

Br - oatmeal/banana
L (planned) - leftover Tower of Tortilla, fresh figs, salad
D (planned) - sausages, couscous, veg/fruit TBD. Focaccia if I have time.

A bit sore from yesterday.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 2:42 pm

Copied from my July Challenge update

July 23 checkin
See that I missed last week, so catching up for two weeks. They're less successful than before.
1) No-S - had two reds, both "minimal" but definite. One was "comfort eating" after a bad day, the other "it's the weekend!" on a Friday. Both things to watch. Some S-day dynamics that I also need to watch - what vmsurbat calls "but-I'm-entitled" eating at the end of Sunday. (Yes, but if I don't WANT it... get over it! My goal is to ENJOY my food, and stuffing is not enjoyable.)
2) Still working on the steps, but haven't been tracking as well. Have fallen into a pattern of three long walks per week (plus a yoga class and a weights class). Use the pedometer to make each walk be 6000 steps (about 3 miles).
3) Mindful eating - that's what allowed me to short-cut my comfort-eating red ("This is not what I need.") and notice the "but I'm entitled" eating on Sunday. Still working on it...

Weight is up a bit, as a result of the reds and S-day choices: 145.5. Not awful, but I do want to pay attention.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Jul 25, 2010 1:42 pm

Made "Tower of Tortilla" on Thursday - and had leftovers for lunch on Friday.

Friday - no exercise (gym is closed on Fridays). Oatmeal breakfast, Tower of Tortilla lunch. Dinner was cheese-toast-with-sliced-tomatoes and salad... and then I had ice cream with the kids later. I chose that, enjoyed it, and know it was a red... and would have done worse if I'd not had it. (Still working on how to manage Friday's)

Saturday - ate only at mealtimes, but a bit excessive - fries at both meals, a huge milkshake (real one!) at one...and I ate a slice of my homemade apple pie for breakfast! (We went to Six Flags, and ate out while traveling and at the park. The pie has been staring at me all week in the fridge.) So, a lot in terms of calories, but not bad in terms of habit. I was actually hungry for both meals, which is good. No formal exercise, but walked my feet off.

Sunday - we'll see... but I am CRAVING fruit/veg after almost none yesterday!!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Jul 26, 2010 2:15 am

Sunday was good, except for no exercise - heat index of 105 kept me from walking (but I intend to get in some bedtime yoga).

Had a lot of fruit today, incorporated into usual regular meals.

S's- tapioca pudding (2 servings, each 1/2 cup) plus one ounce dark chocolate and one homemade chocolate chip cookie.

And I am not giving into the "Sunday night fill-up syndrome" - I'm done.

la_loser · Post by **la_loser** » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:03 am

Note to all: reading KCCC's recent posts reminded me that I'd already heard of her "tower of tortilla" dish and I found it in the recipe thread we revived a couple of days ago. Here is the link. . . you'll find it on the March 27, 2009 entry. . . I know a lot of you are new and it occurred to me that someone was bound to reply to KCCC. . . "what is Tower of Tortilla?" So now the mystery is solved!

http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic ... highlight=

(Hi, KCCC-I'm insinuating myself into your check-in-figured you wouldn't mind!)
LALoser

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:04 pm

LA_Loser, I'm always pleased to see you on my thread - especially when you're being helpful (as ususal!).

I did do yoga last night, and am glad of it.

Monday - yogalates class, which I love
Br - yogurt and banana
L (planned) - leftover pannini from last night, cucumber/tomato salad, melon
D (planned) - sausages, couscous, strawberries, veg (probably broccoli or salad)

The pannini is a new recipe that we had last night, inspired by garden tomatoes and basil. I made homemade foccacia early in the day, and let it cool. (Original recipe called for sourdough or French bread, but I had dough I needed to use up. Foccacia worked fine.) Using that, here's the recipe:

Split the bread pieces horizontally and drizzle olive oil (lightly) on them. On one side, layer
- thin-sliced fresh mozzerella
- prosciutto
- roma tomatoes, sliced
- chopped basil
- another slice of mozzerella
Top with other half, put on griddle with a weight on top to flatten.

Delish! We had it with fresh canteloupe, and it was a great meal. I have a leftover piece for lunch today. (A small one... I'd sort of hoped my son wouldn't like it, so hubby and I could snag his to round out our lunches.... but it's his new fave, lol!)

The lunch salad we had yesterday as well, at lunch. It's cucumber, in thick slices then quartered, tomatoes, basil, and olive oil and balsamic vinegar, with a touch of salt and pepper. I expect it will be even better today.

I love summer veggies!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:14 pm

Walking exercise this morning.

Br - oatmeal, banana
L (planned) - Big salad with meat in it (leftover sausage, cut up) and a slice of foccacia
D (planned) - Pizza and fruit

For lunch, I have my ordinary lettuce salad, and the last of the tomato-cucumber vinagrette salad I had yesterday, along with a cut-up leftover sausage. Intend to mix them all together, and think it will be GREAT with the foccacia. Fits my usual "pattern" - carb, protein, fruit/veg. I have a tendency to eat more fruits that veggies, so it's good to have a veggie-heavy lunch.

Dinner is pizza because I am getting the "night off" to go to an extra yoga class at the gym before I drive home. Really looking forward to that. (Yoga helps my neck/shoulders a lot, and now that I'm not doing PT, I need all the help I can get.) The guys will eat pizza and watermelon, and when I get home I'll have some too, and use leftovers for lunches. An easy night for everyone.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:19 am

The lunch was as delicious as I'd thought it would be - "mindful eating" was not a problem today! It was pretty (all those colors) and tasty and very satisfying.

... until about 6:00, when I felt that I was starving. And I didn't get home for dinner until 7:30.

In the old days, I would have snacked. I did consider stopping and getting something on the way home, but ... there was pizza waiting for me. If I ate something else, would I be able to resist pizza too? Better to have it as a guilt-free supper.

So I came home, and scarfed down the amount that I normally consider a serving... and wanted more. I finished my fruit first, then made myself wait for just a bit. And sure enough, it "hit bottom" and I was very glad I had not had seconds! Another slice would have sunk me. A reminder to eat more slowly, and savor bites (like I did at lunch). It seems that I learn a lesson, forget it, learn it again... but over time, it sticks. Like the tide coming in on the beach, overlapping waves that rise and fall, but eventually come up the shore.

I'm happy to make good choices today, even though it was a bit harder than usual. And I'm really glad to be doing No-S. I don't think I've ever enjoyed food so much before!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:29 pm

Wednesday

Exercise - 30 minute cardio exercise video - an oldie but goldie (too hot to walk outside).

Br - 1/2 bagel w/PB and banana
L (planned) - cheese toast with homemade bread (in the breadmaker now) and garden tomatoes, salad, fruit (At home today, so can be a little decadent)
D (planned) - meeting hubby at my favorite buffet, where I will have one plate of whatever I desire.

Life is good.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:57 am

KCCC, that Tower of Tortilla thing sounds wonderful - can't wait to try it!

And it IS too hot to be outside! I've been running at 6am, and it's still killin' me!

Georgia! In July!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:10 pm

Yesterday as planned, except TWO glasses of wine with a friend in the evening. Taking advantage of unexpected free time from kiddo!

Th
Exercise - muscle strength class

Br - PB and banana (on homemade bread)
L - salad, sandwich (last slice of prosciutto and mozzarella...on homemade bread), 3 dried figs
D - Planning to try the shrimp and feta dish that Wosnes posted on the recipe thread. With homemade bread, natch!

My bread was "breadmaker bread" this time, a rye and whole-wheat loaf experiment that ended up a bit squat and heavy. However, I was advised early in my breadmaking career not to be concerned about that. "Slice it thin and call it pumpernickel. It will still taste great." And so it does - I'm loving it. After eating artisan bread for a while (which, while delicious, is basically just white bread - albeit without preservatives, etc.), whole-grain is so satisfying!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 30, 2010 3:21 pm

Friday

Morning walk for exercise - outside, so a little slower than usual because of the heat.

Br- 1/2 bagel, PB/banana
L - TBD... I'm working from home today. Officially off, but I have Stuff To Do. I may go to my favorite place, or just have stuff here... there's some salad, some last scraps of bread... we'll see.
D - TBD. I'm thawing salmon, but if hubby works late, I'll not bother. Maybe pasta then. Or white bean dip and bread and veg - son would like that.

Weight still at 145.5. I think it's pizza meals + wine - otherwise, I've been good. Will stay on habit and watch it, and figure out what to do if stalled. I want to set 145 as my "time to pay attention" mark.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:31 pm

Lunch yesterday was salad, watermelon, 3 dried figs, and cheese toast on the last bits of bread.

Dinner was tortellini with homemade pesto, watermelon and kiwi, and homemade bread to mop up the last of the pesto.

Two glasses wine during "movie night." I was ready to relax!

My basil has done well this year, and all the plants needed a haircut, so I made multiple batches of homemade pesto and froze it. The house smelled wonderful from it! Ran out of olive oil, or could have made more. I have a bunch of basil in the fridge to either use or give away.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:25 pm

Walked this morning, so will make 10,000 today (I'm over 9000 now.)

So far...
Br - egg and slice of homemade bread.
L - bread and white bean dip, peach; serving of tapioca pudding (homemade).
S - Ben and Jerry's chunky monkey ice cream (one serving, as defined on the carton) plus about 2 oz of chocolate brought to me from Europe by a friend. TOO MUCH all at once... I should know better. Got that icky feeling now.

Dinner (planned) - salmon with pesto (leftover from yesterday), last of the bread, salad, strawberries.

I have just gotten a recipe for pannacotta that I may try for tonight. Will report on how it tastes. I am liking more pudding-y and fruit-y desserts of late.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:22 pm

The salmon smelled bad when I opened the package.

So, we had mac and cheese, peas and carrots, and peaches instead. The strawberries were saved for dessert with the panna cotta. I liked it - my family ate it, but thought it just tasted like yogurt. (They eat very sweet yogurt.) Oh well.

Had lots of panna cotta for dessert, and later some crackers because I thought I had heartburn. I am not sure it was heartburn, but was hoping the crackers would help.

Today will be very busy... will see how it goes.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:35 am

No real exercise, but I'm up to 6700-ish on my pedometer just from doing the things I need to do. (I know, it's not 10,000, but it's higher than I usually get on a day that I don't walk for exercise.) Planning to do some "bedtime yoga" later.

Br - 1/2 bagel, PB and banana
L - veggie pizza, brownie for dessert
D - lamb stew with carrots and potatoes, salad (put the stew in the crockpot this morning - felt like someone cooked for me!)

Snacks - Reisen's (a chewy chocolate candy that I love), the last of the Greek yogurt with honey, a few cashews. I'm done.

Not a bad day, overall. Started to graze after dinner, and caught myself... I don't LIKE eating to discomfort. So I won't.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 02, 2010 1:20 pm

Got my bedtime yoga in last night, and over 7000 on the ped. So, okay.

Did NOT get sleep, thanks to child-with-nightmare intersecting with my insomnia-if-wakened issues. Sigh. Four hours doesn't do it for me. Gonna be a long day.

Still, made it to my Monday Yoga Class. That helps.

Br - oatmeal, banana
L (planned) - watermelon, homemade bread with white bean dip, dried apricots
D (planned) - black bean soup, salad, peaches

And I think I'll be having an extra cafe au lait today.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 03, 2010 12:08 am

Instead of soup, we had "Brinner" or "Deckfast," as my son likes to call breakfast-for-dinner.

Bacon, eggs, fruit salad. Very good.

I had TWO extra coffees today... and am still ready to crash early. So I will.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 03, 2010 1:44 pm

Ah, what a difference a good night's sleep makes!

Walked this morning - up to 6900 on pedometer so far. (Rest of the day is sedentary, but I usually make 10,000 on any day I walk.)

Br - oatmeal and banana
L (planned) - PB&J, salad, peach
D (planned) - the soup we didn't have yesterday

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Tue Aug 03, 2010 5:31 pm

KCCC wrote:Instead of soup, we had "Brinner" or "Deckfast," as my son likes to call breakfast-for-dinner. Bacon, eggs, fruit salad. Very good.

I had TWO extra coffees today... and am still ready to crash early. So I will.

We love breakfast for dinner, make that Brinner!

Sometimes we go to a little diner that serves breakfast at any time. I get one biscuit (opened into two halves) and sausage gravy. That way I get to have it but don't have to eat about a dozen more biscuits at home.
And you know I would

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:45 am

KCCC, just getting caught up on your posts since my return to town. I have a wonderful whole wheat bread recipe that I put together in my bread machine, then bake in the oven you might like...great sandwich loaf. Let me know if you want me to post.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:55 pm

Scrybil, would love to see your recipe. (And welcome back!)

Berry, I love, love, love biscuits with gravy - but like you, only get them "out." For one thing, it's so much trouble to make that it stops being a treat - in addition to the problem of quantity that you pointed out. And I am much amused at my son's declaration that we were having "brinner" (because "breakfast" and "lunch = "brunch," so...).

Yesterday, as planned.

Today
Br - bagel, PB, banana
L - going to my favorite place - one plate
D - quiche, salad, bread. Haven't had that in a while.

Not sure about exercise.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:46 pm

In the North of England, where I come from originally, we have tea - not dinner. So on days when we combine lunch and tea, my daughters call it 'tunch'

Please can you explain the 'biscuits' to me - really can't imagine what they are. Thank you

Thanks for your good wishes about my holiday - see you in 2 weeks.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:40 pm

Oh, I like "tunch." And so would my son.

The reason you can't imagine a biscuit is because what you call biscuits, we call "cookies," and biscuits are totally different. Our biscuits are more like a non-sweet scone, but round, not triangular. Very light and fluffy, because of all the fat in them (alas). Can be served with butter/jam, but a Southern treat is the biscuit/gravy combination Strawberry and I have been discussing. Without doubt a nutritional disaster (fat, salt, white flour), but SOOOOO good.

We're on two contintents, separated by an almost-single language.

It's always fun to find the places where it fails us.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:29 am

Got the bread made for dinner, but picked up a rotisserie chicken to have in place of quiche... realized I wouldn't have time to make it.

Dinner (substituted): rotisserie chicken, salad, fruit salad, bread.

Very good.

No exercise today.

Will try for bedtime yoga.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Aug 05, 2010 2:57 am

Scrybil's Best Whole Wheat Bread

Load up bread machine (in order your machine directs - mine says liquids first)with: 1 1/2 cups warm water; 2 1/2 T butter' 2 T molasses or honey; 2 cups WholeWheat Flour; 2 cups all purpose flour (I use unbleached); 1 1/2 t salt; 1 1/2 t yeast. Select 'dough' setting and process. Take out of bread machine when it beeps (mine takes about 90 minutes) and shape into an oval, place in greased bread pan. Heat oven to 350o while dough rests to 10-15 minutes. Bake on middle rack 30 minutes. Makes a HUGE loaf that slices really well. I let cool, slice, and freeze.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Aug 05, 2010 4:41 pm

Thanks, Scrybil! Just curious, why don't you actually bake it in your breadmaker?

Th
Exercise - Muscle strength
Br - oatmeal, a few dried apricots
L - Salad, leftover chicken, plum, one slice bread
D- TBD. Either chicken quesadillas (with leftover chicken) or pasta.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:36 am

You can definitely bake in your bread machine, but I like the texture and shape from the pan/oven method.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:32 pm

Thanks, Scrybil. My sister likes using her breadmaker to mix dough and then baking in the oven too, but I often don't have enough time at home to accomplish that.
Dinner last night was chicken quesadillas, watermelon, figs.

Friday
Br - oatmeal, figs
L (planned) - leftover chicken quesadillas, watermelon, plum
D - TBD. I'd like something "No-S but special," but don't have any great ideas.

Rough evening yesterday. Son got into a fight at the pool, and I yelled at him in public (which I am not proud of) before dragging him home. The rest of the evening was not pleasant, and I am tired and feeling assailed on all fronts. Life feels a bit overwhelming - school starts Monday for son, on the 23rd for me (I'm teaching this semester, which I haven't done in a while, on top of my normal responsibilities), plus some major church responsibilities that fall in the same timeframe. Appliance issues in the kitchen, and lots of other little worries and irritations that add up. I can feel the tension in my body, and can't seem to relax it out.

There's a quote about friends being people who hear the song in your heart, and sing it back to you when you forget. (That's not quite it, but it's close.) This board does that for me when a friend isn't around. There are times I need to hear all the basic reminders about breathing, not panicking, remembering that "this too shall pass," tapping into things that make me happy, and just being a bit gentle with myself (and with others). And those reminders are here, captured in all the supportive messages that we share with one another.

A side-effect of having (mostly) broken the habit of stuffing down emotions with food is that now I have to face those emotions and work through them instead of ignoring them. I'm still learning how to do that.

Writing this helps. And I think I need to find a way to fit in exercise today. And plan for some fun this weekend with my family. Right now I'm short on ideas for that, but I'll work on it...feels like the right direction to go.

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:15 pm

(((KCCC))) I hope that today is brighter and that you have a lovely, fun weekend with your family.

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 1:16 am

I want to wish you well also KCCC.

Hoping you have a "serene" weeked.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Aug 07, 2010 1:59 am

Thank you both.

Life is better. Son is quite unhappy about his punishment, but has accepted and is dealing. And that's that - my husband and I try very hard to let it be over when it's over. Sometimes that's hard.

But... I broke out a Wii game that I had bought earlier and not gotten around to, one of the "dance" type games, and son and I had a GREAT time playing... plus got a real workout! I can tell I will be sore tomorrow. It's been a long time since my dancing days! Some of the songs/moves reminded me of "dancing aerobics" in the 80's - talk about a flashback! Son was amazed at how well I could do the moves, which amused my husband. It was a great way to re-connect and burn off steam. I feel much better, and think we all do.

Thank you for being there when I was down. It really helps to write and know that friends will understand and respond.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:54 am

S's for Saturday

Homemade jello
Homemade panna cotta
1 oz dark chocolate
Two mini-meals instead of a proper lunch.

Otherwise, good normal day.

Got in a walk, and some playing with son.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:23 pm

Sundays are always harder to keep sane than Saturdays. I wonder why that is?

Let's see...
Normal breakfast. Doughnuts at early church meeting (The chocolate-covered cake doughnuts that are SO artificial that I'm ashamed that I like them. But I do.). Ate out for lunch at our favorite Chinese buffet, which was really good - I had one reasonable plate followed by a smaller plate of "little tastes" (instead of dessert). Some snacking during the afternoon - nuts. Normal dinner. Chocolate Bananas Foster for dessert (essentially half a banana, 1/2 oz chocolate, and a bit of butter), and homemade lime gelee later in the evening (the real stuff, made with lime juice, is totally unlike jello).

No exercise. I had a two-hour conference call in the afternoon, and between that, the church stuff, and making sure son was ready for the first day of school today, the day was pretty much shot.

Quite a lot of food, as I write it out, but I did not feel "icky" at any point, which is a change that I continue to appreciate. I did eat the nuts standing at the pantry door, and I would like to stop eating that way. If it's good enough to eat, it's good enough to pay attention to. So, something to work on.

==
Monday
Exercise - yoga class

Br - Greek yogurt with a fresh peach cut up into it and a bit of honey. Yummy!
L (planned) - leftover crustless quiche (with broccoli and vegetarian sausage in it), a small bit of bread, watermelon
D (planned) - pasta with pesto, salad, fruit, bread if I have time to make it.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:50 pm

Yesterday as planned. No bread - I got home half an hour later than usual due to traffic and weather issues. Was glad that I'd planned something simple/fast for dinner!

I did add a glass of wine later in the evening.

And also got a little bit more exercise, doing the "Just Dance" on the Wii with my son. We'll have to get more dance programs!

Today (Tuesday)
Exercise - walking. Got about 6300 steps... and now my pedometer has gone blank! I'm hoping it's only the battery (which I knew was going), but am worried because I dropped it as I was changing.

Br - oatmeal and banana
L - leftover pasta, salad, peach (a perfectly ripe peach is hard to beat!)
D (planned) - salmon burgers, salad, fruit

Pasta was a "throw it together." I didn't thaw quite enough pesto for it. So I threw in some leftover pepperoni, cherry tomatoes, and artichoke hearts. Very tasty last night, and good cold today as a sort of pasta salad.

Work is busy, but I feel focused. Son had a good first day at school, which makes me happy.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 12:31 am

Exercise - yoga
Br - yogurt and peach
L - sushi and salad (grabbed from my fave grocery)
D - basic beef stew, homemade bread, fruit

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:23 pm

Th
Exercise - muscle strength class

Br - oatmeal and dried apricots
L (planned) leftover stew, bread, plum (see below for changes)
D (planned) sausages, couscous, veg, fruit, bread

Yesterday as planned, plus one glass of wine. The stew came out well - I don't have a real recipe, so it's a bit different each time. Lots of carrots in it, which we all seem to like. Very hearty.

Lunch update: There was a meeting I'd forgotten, with food. I had a veggie wrap, chips, and fruit salad. Wrapped up the big cookie to take home to the guys. Nice to just eat without worrying about it too much.

Dinner as planned, plus wine. Hm. Getting back into having it every night, and need to watch that. The guys loved the cookie.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:08 pm

Friday

No exercise as of yet, and it doesn't look too likely. Fridays are like that right now.

Br - leftover lunch (which made for an odd one): stew, bread, plum
L - meeting... veggie burger with extra lettuce/tomato, coleslaw. (I passed on the chips/cookies this round.) Not my fave, but okay.
D - we're going out to a buffet place, and I will get one plate of whatever I want.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 1:11 pm

Friday ended up being RED, since I ate dessert too.

Saturday - fit in Pilates, but ate a good bit. At a meeting all day with chocolates on the tables, and I just dived in. Then that night, at a family pool party with munchies/sweets all around. Oh well.

Sunday - no exercise, and eating was still erratic and snackier than I'd like. But not too bad... some nuts/apricots in the afternoon, and double-serving of tapioca pudding in the evening (made it with supper, and it wasn't ready until later). That's about it.

But... I would still consider both days as more moderate than my eating before No-S. I eventually tired of the chocolates and junk, and didn't want to eat anything else because I recognized I was full. The chocolates made me feel a bit icky on Saturday - not so much "too full" as much as "too sugary." Sunday, I felt fine.

And it's an N-day, and I've had yoga for exercise. I like Mondays (well, in terms of eating, anyway.)

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:26 am

Br - yogurt and fruit
L - ham and swiss, baked chips, fruit
D - veggie lasagna, salad, yogurt and fruit

Probably a glass of wine in my future this evening...

Busy day, and will only get busier from here.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:11 pm

My wild weekend resulted in a tiny upswing of the scale - 146.5. Not awful (for a Tuesday), but a small "alert."

Will be dealing with stress from here out, so need to find productive ways to do it. Driving about 3 hrs tonight to my parents, b/c Mom is having heart surgery today. Trying to prepare for a class starting next week. Other stuff... all adds up.

Got in a walk this morning. Not sure how far - my pedometer is broken.

I think the battery, but I can't find one that fits. Sigh. I miss it.

Br - Greek yogurt and banana
L (planned ) - leftover spinach strata, salad, peach (brought it yesterday, then had a meal provided)
D - pizza, before I hit the road. And salad.

Smile, breathe, and move slowly (that is, be mindful and focused).

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Aug 18, 2010 1:10 am

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.

Thinking of you KCCC, and good luck to your Mom!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:41 am

What was supposed to be a simple heart cath has turned into double bypass surgery.

So far, so good... But the next day or so will be critical.

It's amazing how fast a busy schedule can be cleared out when necessary.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:51 am

Oh,KCCC - thinking about you friend.......

Not an easy time I know.....

frugaltexan · Post by **frugaltexan** » Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:09 pm

{{{Hugs}}}

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:11 am

We've had a scary few days, but are cautiously hopeful at this point.

Still a long way to go. I am grateful to be blessed with family that pulls together in a crisis, so we are taking care of each other and of mom.

All good thoughts/wishes appreciated.

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:53 am

(((KCCC))) Just seeing this. Sending lots of good wishes to your mom, you & your family ...

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:05 am

Just adding my best wishes - I hope everything is ok

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 23, 2010 2:42 am

Thank you SO MUCH for all the good wishes. Please keep my family in your thoughts. Mom is not out of the woods yet.

Her progress is erratic at best. One good day, one scary night... another good day. It's an emotional roller-coaster for all of us.

This kind of crisis puts the rest of life in perspective. All of you, make time for the people you love and tell them how much you love them. Whatever happens from here, I am grateful that we've had opportunities over these last few days to say what we needed to, and that Mom could hear us. (And I am hopeful that we'll have more years to keep repeating...)

Best to all of you.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Aug 25, 2010 2:29 am

Back at home for a bit, getting work caught up, then will go back to the hospital. So far, so good... pacemaker installed today. They say they'll be moving her out of ICU soon. Still a long road ahead, but it's looking like a real path now.

I am grateful. Thank you all again for your good wishes. I have been the recipient of so much kindness this last week... a lot to "pay forward" when the opportunity arises.

Oddly... or maybe not, by now... I was also grateful for the structure of No-S. In the past, I'd have eaten out of the vending machines all day, out of pure stress. This time, I stuck to meals, as regular and decent as I could make them (which at times was not saying much). I think I coped better with stress as a result.

On Sunday, I did "go wild" a bit - had a late lunch/dinner around 3, and ate a lot at the Chinese buffet because I was very hungry by then. As a result of those seconds (thirds?), I wasn't hungry for supper... and late at night, I had a chocolate bar and two donuts (filled and iced, mind you) instead. Because I could.

As I finished the second, wolfing it in the car as I drove and not really enjoying it, I thought "well, this is classic stress-eating. I'm SO glad I didn't do this all week!" And then I put that S-day behind me. Monday morning, I got back on track.

Not sure about weight - will get on the scales in the morning and see, but I bet it's around the same.

Glad to be back, if only for a while.

thtrchic · Post by **thtrchic** » Wed Aug 25, 2010 3:05 am

I'm glad to hear things are getting better with your mom. And that you were able to take advantage of all that you've learned!

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Wed Aug 25, 2010 7:22 am

Good news, KCCC - I'm pleased your mum is doing so well. And well done for taking care of yourself, too

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:17 pm

Thanks so much!

This morning, I got in a short cardio session. It was only 15 minutes, but felt good. I did a "mile" walk plus a little from one of the Leslie Sansone videos I'd bought b/c people here recommended her videos. Liked it!

Back to normal eating, which makes me happy...

Br - Greek yogurt, juice
L - my favorite place, one plate, mostly veg. YUMMY!!!! (I missed veg last week)
D - (planned) rotisserie chicken, salad, kiwi... some sort of carb, but not sure what yet. Might get homemade bread made.

And my weight this morning was 145.5, which is about what it's been. Would like it to drop a bit, but am not going to focus on that right now... with this much going on, just keeping my habits in place is good enough.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:18 pm

Back at the hospital... At least got some exercise and decent food before I got here.

Worried about what I'm seeing with Mom.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 10:53 am

Oh, KCCC...haven't been on the boards at all lately due to getting back to school, so I've missed everything that's been going on in your life. Be assured that thoughts and prayers are going your way for you and all your family, particularly your mom. I wish I could offer more in the way of support - you have always been so supportive and encouraging to me and others when difficult times materialize.
Great big hugs to you...

Mimi

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:16 pm

This is such an emotional roller-coaster. She looked worse-than-expected when I got here, which shook me. But she seems to be making steady progress now.

We're in the "long haul" phase. Still need to be at the hospital a lot, but can't just drop regular obligations anymore. And this little waiting room is starting to feel like a cage.

I have temporary access to an aircard to get to the internet (which I live on for work). Trying to work around visitors (which I do appreciate, don't get me wrong), my family, and my own exhaustion after "sleeping" here multiple nights. Feeling guilty for the times I didn't go by to see people in similar circumstances. (My cousins came by; I did not go to the hospital back when their parents were in, though I did go to the funerals. Can't change the past, but I'll remember in the future.)

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 3:00 pm

I am noticing something that feels hard, but is actually good... I used to "stuff down" emotions with food. Now that I don't, I have to "live through" them more.

I believe that I am identifying those emotions MUCH more accurately. I'm worried/scared, sad, tired, concerned about work and my own family at home, irritable from lack of sleep and showers, etc. I am NOT hungry - except at normal mealtimes, of course. In the past, all those legitimate emotions would have been channeled into a desire to eat that had nothing to do with physical need. I spent far too long out of touch with my own feelings, so it's good to acknowledge them, even when they're not "happy" feelings.

It's an S-day. There's an assortment of candy in the vendo machines and sweets down at the cafeteria... but it's all crap. Not S-worthy. (If I wanted it, I'd eat it... but it holds no attraction.) I AM eating decent meals when I can - it's a treat just to avoid the hospital cafeteria! Sis and I went out to Ruby Tuesday's last night, while my other sister was here with dad. I had a petite steak with grilled asparagus and broccoli, plus cheese biscuit, and WOULD have had a dessert except that I was too full at the end of the meal. The asparagus was heavenly.

Instead of eating nonstop, I'm doing what I can to deal with the real stuff. I have found some solutions to dealing with work (aircard) and have located a new battery for my pedometer. Getting that fixed gives me motivation to walk the halls when I can, like when I'm on the phone updating people. I am trying to take care of myself physically, which allows me to take care of my family better.

This is not easy, but it is good.

My son sometimes complains that something is "hard." (Those of you who are parents, can't you just hear the whine? "That's too ha-ard!") My husband's standard response (which I love) is "You can do hard things." Isn't that wonderful? It acknowledges that the task IS hard (at least to a child), but expresses faith in his capability and his ability to to learn new skills. So, yeah, this is hard. But I can do hard things.

It helps to blather here on my thread, since I didn't bring my journal. I appreciate all the warm wishes from you all. Hope things are going well for you - best wishes.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:48 am

Hi KCCC - I'm sorry you are still at the hospital and I hope things start to improve for you. Thank you for this post - reflective, practical and thought-provoking (as always

).
Thinking of you and your family - lots of good wishes from the UK.
(PS - I hope you don't mind if I steal the 'you can do hard things' to use with my students in the new school year

)

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:18 pm

I'm hoooommmmeeee!

Will go to work tomorrow-Thursday, then back to the hospital.

They are moving Mom out of ICU today, to a "step-down" ward. I'll get the report from my sis, who is still there.

Nice to be here. But all I want to do is sleep! And I have classes to prepare, so can't.

Sunday, I did end up eating an ice cream cone on the way to my parents' house to get a shower - it was dinner time, but there was nothing on the way but gas station food-marts. I stopped and got a "Good Humor" bar. Junk food, but I like them. Then later (after I had a not-so-wonderful fast-food dinner), I did have a Snickers bar from a vendo. I'd considered one at the food-mart, but it was HUGE and I only wanted a normal-sized one. That fixed my "but it's an S-day!" internal whining. Sundays are always a bit harder than Saturdays - it's like my internal radar turns on, looking for something "good." On Saturdays, I just pass if it's not there; on Sundays, I want SOMETHING. I expect that lingering sense of entitlement will go away eventually.

Today is Monday, and I like it.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:38 pm

Idk - I'm delighted that you want to use "you can do hard things" with you students. I think it's a great line!

Life keeps exploding on me... I'm so behind at work, with life in general. We have major car repairs upcoming on my husband's vehicle (unexpected), it's time to write out all the bills, and my class is a mess...

But. I'm holding on to relationships, and to health - the things that matter. I'm staying on track with No-S. I squeeze in bits of exercise, because it keeps me sane. I stick to my three meals, though I admit my choices are not always what they would normally be. No-S legal, but a little more junky than normal b/c I'm eating out so much. So far, holding steady at 145 (as of this morning). I'm okay with that.

I am glad that I practiced these habits in calm times, because the structure of No-S is one of the things sustaining me in the storm.

As far as the important news...Mom still in the hospital, but improving. I am commuting down again this weekend. Life will just have a different shape for a while, and I'm trying to adapt... The hardest thought is that we made it through this time, but given her age, it's a dress-rehearsal... I'm just not ready to face the mortality of the people I love, though it's a reality for us all.

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:30 pm

Dear dear KCCC..i haven't looked at this site in a log time and I am so very sorry to read of your troubles. It is wonderful that you are taking the time to post..you don't know how many people you are helping!
My thoughts and heart are with you all. This is a time when "positions" in the family change and we have to learn new roles to play. I am glad you are taking care of yourself first..you can't help anyone if you are not at your best..and you are setting an example for the next generation.
I too have a family that comes together in a crisis and I know that is a blessing. Remember that letting people who offer "help" is a gift you can give them. Don't try to be wonder woman.. let your hubby be your "soft place to fall" and just let those unimportant things go....
I've been where you are.. Consider this note a big hug from me...

Starla · Post by **Starla** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:27 pm

KCCC, I had no idea this was going on in your life. I am so sorry; I've been there too (with my father). It IS a roller coaster; I found that I would handle the big things and then fall apart over something minor. It's such a blessing to have family support at times like these, and I'm glad you're getting that.

As I read your thread, I knew things were getting better when I saw you analyzing the experience!

Congratulations on dealing with this horrible situation in a new, healthy way. You are doing a great job.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:36 pm

Grammy G wrote:Dear dear KCCC..i haven't looked at this site in a log time and I am so very sorry to read of your troubles. It is wonderful that you are taking the time to post..you don't know how many people you are helping!

Well, one person it's helping is ME! Organizing my thoughts enough to write helps me to focus and work through issues. If it helps anyone else, I am glad for that as well, but I know that it benefits me tremendously.

Grammy G wrote: Consider this note a big hug from me...

I do - and appreciate it tremendously!!

Starla wrote:It IS a roller coaster; I found that I would handle the big things and then fall apart over something minor.

Yes, exactly. I'm coping well with Mom (overall), but the fact that the house airconditioner, my husband's truck, and the dishwasher have all decided to break down during this time just about sent me over the edge.... fortunately, the nice man I married took care of ALL of those things.

Starla wrote: As I read your thread, I knew things were getting better when I saw you analyzing the experience!

That made me laugh - yes, it's my nature.

Current update... Mom continues to improve, but the family is still staying in the hospital at night to be close. However, I had to leave this morning because I have a scratchy throat - really, really minor in terms of my comfort, but we can't expose Mom right now. I hated it, but... So I went by my parents' and did some laundry for my dad and other small things, then headed on home. (My family keeps saying "this is the right thing to do," but I do feel guilty/useless/slacking.... even though I know that's not reasonable.) I am using this time to catch up with my own family and their needs - paying bills, and spending time with my son so my husband can work on his class.

Friday was my parents' 55th anniversary. I was there for that - we all were. We'd planned a cake, but the hospital beat us to it. So we brought balloons and flowers, and lovingly joked about how they managed to put up with one another so long. Definitely an S-event, and I enjoyed that slice of cake.

Today has been less-structured, with more junk... but not to the point of feeling ill, and it's an S-day, and it's all okay.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 7:07 pm

Well, I am now glad for the sore throat that brought me home.

My husband's father has died.

We are waiting on details so we can make travel arrangements. But I'm glad to be here with my husband.

I don't know if I'll be gone from the boards for a while, or if I'll be posting like crazy in order to keep my head on straight. Either way, best to everyone.

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.
Focus on what matters.
Be gentle with myself and others.
Attend to basic health for myself and my family, to help with stress-management.

thtrchic · Post by **thtrchic** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:33 am

I'm so sorry to hear your and your husband's loss. You're really being given a lot to deal with right now. Do your best to stay strong and know we're thinking of you here.

Julie

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:59 pm

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.
Focus on what matters.
Be gentle with myself and others.
Attend to basic health for myself and my family, to help with stress-management.

Very wise words.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, KCCC.

Continue to take care of yourself and know that you and yours are in the thoughts/prayers of many ...

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:54 pm

I am sending my condolences, thoughts and prayers for you, your husband, and the rest of your family, KCCC. Wow, when life decides to throw some curve balls our way, it seems that sometimes they just keep coming at us. You are proving yourself very strong in the midst of everything that's been going on, but remember that it's also okay not to be strong.
Sending lots of hugs to you. I wish I could do more.

Mimi

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:34 pm

Thank you all. I wish I could reply individually, but... Do please know that I appreciate each and every wonderfully supportive message. Thank you.

Mom is somewhat better. She will move into a rehab center very soon - not sure what that means in terms of my travel/time. Family members have been spending 24/7 with her so far, but that may not be possible (or, I hope, necessary) from here. Will know later this week. I hope she can be left alone a bit more... one of my sisters has shingles, and is out of the support loop as a result, and it's just getting very hard for all of us to be there that much. But if she needs us, we will.

Funeral for my father-in-law tentatively scheduled for next weekend. Still getting details. (He died on vacation, abroad, and getting the body shipped back is evidently a logistical nightmare. Other family members are dealing with it, for which I am grateful.)

It's the little things that get you, sometimes. We need to go shopping and buy clothes. I have work suits, but not in dark colors. My husband's one good suit has a moth-hole (as we discovered at the last funeral we attended, some years ago), and of course our child NEVER has "good clothes" that fit! Don't know where the time will come from - and I dislike clothes-shopping anyway. Oh well. On the plus side, hubby's vehicle is now repaired, which is a huge relief. Being a one-car family is NOT easy for us.

My birthday last Tuesday was very low-key - we did go out and eat. Just didn't have the energy to do more. But that's okay.

Surprisingly, No-S is fine. Once the habit is there, it does take minimal attention, which is a very good thing right now. And it helps me from both directions - limiting potential stress-eating, and making sure I do eat (and eat relatively healthily) when I don't much feel like it. I am grateful that I already had this habit in place - I feel it is helping me a great deal.

Exercise is a little harder, but my pedometer helps with that. And I took time out for a serious yoga class yesterday, at a new studio I'd been planning to check out (went right by it dropping hubby off at work, so stopped). That was one of the BEST choices for myself that I think I could have made - a really good class, hard but not impossible, that stretched me out entirely. Found myself quietly crying during some of the "heart-opening" poses, and think it was my body and muscles just letting go of stuff that very much needed an outlet. I felt a great deal better afterwards.

So... one foot in front of the other, deal with the important stuff and let the little stuff go... on we go.

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.
Accept (and ask for) help.
Focus on relationships and the long-term.
Maintain health as a "foundation."
MAKE time to notice and appreciate the good things. They're there too, if I just pay attention and savor them.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:45 pm

A post on someone else's thread that I wanted to keep.

ShannahR wrote:

KCCC--Hi there! Thanks for stopping in and your encouraging message. I think you're right about the fact that I'm being unreasonably harsh with myself. Unfortunately, that is often part of my mindset when I become overly depressed or anxious. I'm not sure if that happens to everyone but for me one of the signs of "emotional storms" is a voice in my head that critisizes EVERYTHING.

I recognize that pattern and that voice all too well. Smile I think a lot of people do exactly as you describe. At one point, I even wrote little scenarios between the "characters in my head." They were...

The Internal Critic (IC). Formerly in charge, now banned, but likes to sneak back in. If he can take you over, then he reaches out to criticize everyone around you. The villain. Wink

Emotional Self (ES) - kind of like an 8 year old in terms of emotional extremes- can be joyous or miserable in rapid succession. Needs acknowledgment and kindness, or will throw tantrums for attention. Also the source of compassion and joy. Very susceptible to the Internal Critic.

The Voice of Reason (VOR) - the "adult" rational part, who can face down the Internal Critic (once she notices that he's back) and comfort the Emotional Self. A bit too easily over-run, but getting stronger. Source of wisdom and balance.

Physical body (PB) - a tiny voice that you have to listen very hard to hear (unless you've done something to really annoy it, like eat to illness). Deserves more attention than it gets - an oft-ignored source of self-understanding.

(I know this sounds a bit silly, but I had a lot of fun developing these characters and writing conversations between them... and doing so often helped me work through problems/issues. PB was a late addition to the cast, as I started addressing some shoulder/neck pains...)

Whatever you call it, it's easier to see the Internal Critic taking over from outside than from the inside. That's why we all need people who will remind us to be kind to ourselves. Like that wonderful quote about a friend knowing the song in your heart so they can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words...

Glad you're doing better.

Every time I reach out to someone else, I help myself even more. I am reminded of the important things I know but forget.

It's a gift to be allowed to offer help... and I will remember that too.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:08 pm

Here with mom, but have internet access now, and she's asleep. Need to work... and will in a minute.

Mom is in rehab now - a whole different place, where she's doing physical therapy. I am not happy with the general level of care that she's receiving here, though, and am very anxious about it. My sister is with her during the week, and I'm "spelling" her on the weekend - came in Friday, was here yesterday, and will be again today and part of tomorrow.

Funeral for father-in-law is next weekend. Need to buy some clothes still both for me and for my son, though I now have stuff-that-will-do if I don't get a chance. And we may not.

Trying to think about what I need to do... what's urgent, what's not.

I am also trying to maintain my own health. Being here is hard on me physically - the sitting stresses my back and neck. Before I came up on Friday, I took another yoga class, which included "restorative poses" at the end. That means deep relaxation poses after the workout. I could feel how much tension I have been holding in my body as it drained out - my jaw felt as if it were recovering from a blow of some kind. Which connects to the post that I made on Shannah's thread and copied here... about paying attention to the physical body. I think I have stored a lot of tension/anxiety/worry/perfectionism, etc., in my shoulders, neck, and jaw over the years, and am only just learning to let go of some of it. Physical therapy earlier this year helped to an extent, but reached a point where it couldn't - I was pouring tension back in as fast as we could work it out. At this point, I need some re-education of my body and spirit... yoga is a very good choice. Serious yoga, at a studio, is different from "gym yoga" - more challenging, more focused, more spiritual. And it helps.

Eating.. okay. A bit junkier because of eating out a lot, but I'm doing my best to make good choices. My S-choices are not as satisfying as I would like them to be. It's hard to get satisfying things when I am not home to make them, and don't know the area to find a good bakery. Ice cream - which is okay, but not my favorite - has been the best option lately. There's a lot of stuff in the cafeteria that I could eat, but most of it looks too unappealing. (I am aware that I've really gotten a lot pickier about what constitutes a "treat." I suppose that's good.)

On we go...

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Sep 14, 2010 6:33 pm

Home! Normal schedule! Normal meals! Normal exercise!!

I LOVE my normal routine. LOVE it, do you hear me?

(Ignore all complaints I have EVER made in the past - they do not count.)

Went to the gym and did a walk plus abs this morning - felt great! My last real exercise was Friday AM yoga. I did do a "short session" by myself on Saturday morning, but did so much sitting after that... it feels like WEEKS since I've exercised.

Felt. So. Good.

And made chicken quesadillas, salad, and peaches for dinner last night, with leftovers for today's lunch. Normal food. (I am so TIRED of hospital cafeteria food. Ordinary stuff tasted wonderful to me!)

Weight holding steady when I weighed this morning, which was good, actually. In addition to no real exercise, I ate some junky stuff this weekend, though not enough to feel icky. (That's my key measure now, especially as my tolerance for "icky" drops, lol!) I bought some Pirouette cookies - about the only "bought" ones I still like - and ate about half of them spaced over the weekend, and also had some ice cream each day. Other than that, just meals. Some slightly junky, some not.

I get to be home until Thursday. Thursday night, we drive to a hotel near the aiport and Friday morning we fly out for my father-in-law's funeral.

I intend to enjoy every moment at home. So there.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Tue Sep 14, 2010 8:47 pm

Good to hear you enjoying your home so much. I hope everything goes as well as it can on Friday. Thinking of you

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:25 pm

Went to a potluck for a friend's birthday last night, which was so wonderful on so many levels. Just the time to socialize with friends.... such a gift as such a busy, difficult time.

I didn't cook - threw together a fruit salad and a green salad. Everyone brought healthy, tasty food, and I had a wonderful plateful.

And then I took one of my rare NWS days for one slice of cake. It was totally S-worthy - homemade chocolate cake with a chocolate-peppermint icing. I am getting the recipe - my son wants it for his next birthday. Delicious.

Except... I took a small slice, and ate it all. And really, I think half would have been plenty. I will learn... my son, who LOVED that cake and was just all over it, ate a little over half of his, then set it down and said "This is really good, but I'm full now." I wish I'd done the same. In fact, I aspire to do that as a normal practice. Right now, I do sometimes - but it's still a rare thing, to be celebrated.

Weight this morning was 144.5. Doing fine there. And I will get in a yoga class today - yay!

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:40 pm

And then I took one of my rare NWS days for one slice of cake. It was totally S-worthy - homemade chocolate cake with a chocolate-peppermint icing.

Oh, my goodness KCCC. That cake sounds divine and completely NWS-worthy! Would you mind posting the recipe here or PMing it to me sometime in the future, after things settle down? My peppermint chocolate loving kiddo and DH would love that. (My DD mentioned recently that she wants a peppermint chocolate cake for her December birthday, lol.)

Anyway, I'm glad that you had a nice evening with friends. I'll be thinking about your family this weekend.

All the Best,

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:58 am

This has not been my month, and that's all there is to it.

We live about 2 hrs from the airport; I work about half-way in-between. So, when we fly anywhere, hubby and son drive to my work, we park one car, and go from there.

And that was today's plan... until hubby called to say that he was broken down by the side of the road. On his way to get our son from school.

Thirty frantic minutes later (during which time I locate another parent to get our son), I'm heading BACK home to collect everyone for the airport drive. After which, got to drive back to work (and past) yet again.

I am tired.

Fortunately, our flight is early in the AM. We were driving in tonight to make the morning easier. So, didn't miss a flight, just got to the hotel late.
Fortunately, I could locate a parent already on our "cleared to pick up" list.
Fortunately, if we had a breakdown, it was close to home and our normal garage, not halfway to the next city.
Fortunately... that's a good word.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:25 pm

Back from the funeral.

Once we got there, it was actually wonderful. A lovely service - my husband and both his brothers spoke. It was good to share memories and see the extended family (who live far enough away that we don't often). My son was delighted to have time with his cousins. Showers and smiles - moments of grief surfacing, but also the warmth of memories and connection.

And we are home.

AND... So is my mom!!!! She came home Saturday. I still can't believe it. Will go down to see how she's doing this weekend.

Hoping that life gets somewhat back to normal, though I know there will still be a lot to do... husband needs to help with his dad's effects, which will mean extended trips, Mom still needs care. But we've made it through some hurdles.

Didn't get NEARLY enough exercise over the weekend, and over-ate a bit. But those were most definitely S-days. And now, I'm back on track as usual. No-S has been a great help to me through this period.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:10 pm

So glad to hear you're back home KCCC and getting past the hurdles with some sense of sanity. You're my hero, you know. I admire your strength and your ability to look at life with such wisdom as you face its difficulties.
I wish you some peace and restful moments now that you're back home. Take care of yourself, my friend.

Mimi

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:25 pm

mimi wrote:So glad to hear you're back home KCCC and getting past the hurdles with some sense of sanity. You're my hero, you know. I admire your strength and your ability to look at life with such wisdom as you face its difficulties.
I wish you some peace and restful moments now that you're back home. Take care of yourself, my friend.

Mimi

Mimi, how very sweet of you! (Especially since I was so impressed with YOU coping with all those injuries and issues...) Hope you are doing well!

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