KCCC's check-in

[kccc]

So...where from here?

I feel behind on everything, both at work and at home. I don't have menus for the week, which bothers me - don't even know what we're eating tonight. Maybe pizza - there's a kid event from 6-7:00. Sigh. It's okay if I put salad/fruit with it, but I need to get back to regular cooking.

Car goes back in the shop tomorrow. Minor, but inconvenient.

Got a ton of grading to do. I hate grading. Okay, re-group. I tell my son not to say "hate" - there are very few things in life big enough to deserve that word, things on the level of deliberate cruelty or injustice. Normal daily things don't qualify. So, to re-phrase... I dislike grading. And I dislike feeling out-of-control and behind on my classroom teaching and other projects.

So I guess I need to do something about that. Procrastination set in yesterday, and got me... and I'm doing the same today. (But now I see it clearly, and will set my timer for "just 15 minutes" - a good trick for getting started!)

I remember a wonderful article on "dealing with overwhelm." Basically, it included breathing and focusing on one thing at a time. Here it is. Good to revisit that.

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.
Remember what is important.
Take action against a sea of troubles.
Make time for enjoyment - even if just noticing the fall weather or appreciating a view.

[kccc]

Okay, I've had it. I'm breaking out the whine..

From Aug. 18...
- Mom had emergency bypass surgery, and has needed 24/7 care since.
- My father-in-law died. The other Big One.

Plus the "little" things.
- Travel for the funeral. My guess, about $1500-$2000.
- One major truck repair, $1200. A regular-but-big car check up, forget how much. Emergency truck break-down, plus new tires for car, another $800. (Plus the hassle factor - the car-juggling routine, and the extended trip to the airport.)
- Roof repairs, about $3500.
- Dishwasher repair, annoying but free (Hubby did it)
- Washer repair, another $130. After we did some make-shift fixes for a while, and went through a lot of annoyance...

And now, both my son and I have strep throat. I'm sure stress is part of my getting sick.

Please can I have a do-over of this last month?

Okay, my five minutes of whining is up. (Though I reserve the right to edit the list if I think of something else, lol! May as well have it all in one place.)

I am grateful that we had enough savings to cover all these emergencies.
I am grateful that I am normally healthy. It helps.
I am grateful that my sisters and I are pulling together to care for my parents.
I am grateful that my son is bouncing back fast. (He scared me when I picked him up from school. He's usually healthy too.)
I am grateful that my husband's family dealt with a lot of the funeral logistics, and that we got to reconnect with family.
I am grateful that I know (and use!) a number of stress-management strategies. Deep breathing. Yoga. Writing. And I'll add No-S into that.
I am glad that I am acknowledging this emotional roller coaster instead of stuffing it down with food.
I am grateful for laughter. My son and husband were sending me "air hugs" (trying not to share germs) and it degenerated into an "air wrestling match" that had us all in stitches. Silly, wonderful guys!
I am grateful for ordinary things, normal days and normal routines, and intend to notice and cherish them more.

And I'm grateful for this thread and this site, where I can write openly and know that I will get only caring, kind responses.

We have lived on pizza (plus salad/veg!) these last few days. When I feel better, I intend to make some good food, something comforting but nourishing. For now, bed.

[mimi]

You're entitled to some whine KCCC...get it all out...and maybe have a little cheese with it
There is a lot of strep going around it seems. Make sure to rest and take ALL of your antibiotic the way it was prescribed. You want to make sure you rid your body of the bacteria completely.
I know how you're feeling...I had to laugh about your dishwasher - what is it with them - because mine went ka-poo-ie last year in the week following my ankle break, the worst possible time for it. We bought a new one and paid to have it installed. My poor husband couldn't deal with any more!
These days I am more thankful too, for plain, ordinary days and very grateful for the small things and enjoyments in my life - like being able to fix a cup of coffee and carry it to wherever I want to sit and drink it!
Take care and get well.
Mimi

[kccc]

Home sick with a child who is supposedly sick - he certainly was when we saw the dr, and he was told not to go back to school until Monday. But he bounced back fast, and I have not quite as fast. So, he's gotten far too much electronic entertainment today.

But the rest helped us both. I am starting to recover, and we all went for a short walk this evening, which was great - I was getting near-terminal cabin fever.

On the down side, Mom went back into the hospital today. Both my sisters are there, but because I'm sick I can't go. I have been "hovering long-distance" and keeping in contact by phone and text.

So, on we go. Early bed again.. sleep is good.

[kccc]

I have totally gotten away from using this thread as it is meant to be used - as a record of food, exercise, etc.

Which is okay, but just to keep up...
Today was a good No-S day. More "home-cooked" food, even though I did easy stuff. Not a lot of exercise - short walk, and some yoga stretches.

Br - Greek yogurt w/honey (small amount)
L - Chicken quesadilla, fruit
D - Ravioli with pesto, broccoli, fruit

I am finding yoga very helpful to me right now. The new classes I am doing inspire me, and I did a couple of "flows" today, just to loosen up from sitting. I used to avoid the flow sequence because I still find downward dog a bit difficult - I put too much weight in the arms, even though I try to adjust. More regular practice will help that. I must admit, the sequence is great for stretching after sitting too long. And the focus on breathing is very calming. It's good to have this anchor.

And now I really am going to bed.

[kccc]

You're entitled to some whine KCCC...get it all out...and maybe have a little cheese with it
There is a lot of strep going around it seems. Make sure to rest and take ALL of your antibiotic the way it was prescribed. You want to make sure you rid your body of the bacteria completely.
I know how you're feeling...I had to laugh about your dishwasher - what is it with them - because mine went ka-poo-ie last year in the week following my ankle break, the worst possible time for it. We bought a new one and paid to have it installed. My poor husband couldn't deal with any more!
These days I am more thankful too, for plain, ordinary days and very grateful for the small things and enjoyments in my life - like being able to fix a cup of coffee and carry it to wherever I want to sit and drink it!
Take care and get well.
Mimi

Mimi, sorry I missed your wonderfully supportive message. Thank you so much. You are so right about the "plain ordinary days" and "small things" being important, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I remember your incredible example last year (was it just last year?) when you went through SO much all at once.

And today (an S-day), I am enjoying some Lindt intense orange dark chocolate. Good stuff!

[kccc]

Sunday night I had a serious relapse of strep - felt like a baseball in my throat. I finally broke down and took antibiotics. (I was trying to avoid them, because I'm allergic to most, and keep developing MORE allergies to new ones, which is evidently not uncommon for people who develop allergies to antibiotics.)

So... two days out of work, Monday and today. However, after the antibiotics kicked in, I managed to get some class grading catch-up done. My class is an embarrassing shambles, and I need to get it better organized. So overwhelmed with other stuff that it hasn't had the attention it deserves, and I feel awful about it. But I need to deal with it instead of going into avoidance mode. I got an exercise set up where a substitute instructor could take the class today, and will work on it more later. Babysteps, but constant ones.

No-S is helping me remember to eat something. And today I'm actually hungry, which is a good change. Need to eat some yogurt to counteract the effect of the antibiotics on my digestive system...

This too shall pass.

[kccc]

Almost caught up with grading. That's good. It makes me feel less overwhelmed. Babysteps, taken regularly...

Still a bit under the weather, but intend to go back to work tomorrow. I've been on anti-biotics long enough to feel that I'm not contagious, and I do feel well enough. Just not 100%... I think part of being sick is just desperately needing down-time, but this is a sorry way to get it.

Eating... not eating "good food." Have had no veggies today, for example, which is not like me. That's something to attend to. I tried earlier, but after I got sick I didn't want to cook (lest I infect the family), so we did pizza again last night. Today, I've had a little Greek yogurt with honey and 2 slices of leftover pizza, and that's it (br and lunch combined).

So... one step at a time. We have some salad - I'll have that with dinner (which is probably pizza again, but okay). And a fruit. And I'll do some low-key yoga tonight, for my "14 minutes of anything" and we'll go from there.

"A little better" is good enough right now. I don't want to set lofty goals I can't reach.

[Too solid flesh]

I'm really sorry that you've been having such a hard time, KCCC, and hope that things look up soon. Thinking of you.

[kccc]

I'm really sorry that you've been having such a hard time, KCCC, and hope that things look up soon. Thinking of you.

Thanks, Too solid flesh. (BTW, have I ever told you how much I like your name? Clever.)

[kccc]

Good babysteps yesterday. Ate salad and fruit at supper, did 15 minutes of yoga.

And took more today.

Walked this morning... a bit slower than the norm, but still, back at it.

Eating decently, with normal fruits/vegs.

And went to work.

Enough. Celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small.

[kccc]

October already! How did that happen???

We did something FUN last night!!! Our church youth group was sponsoring a skate night - skating and all-you-can-eat pizza. Since the rink is close to our house, it was do-able even on a school night. So, we went!

I didn't skate - I never learned as a child, and am very wobbly and uncertain as an adult... and just wasn't up to it. (A fearful voice in the back of my head told me "you cannot risk breaking anything right now.") But my son and hubby did, and both seemed to enjoy it. I loved watching from the sidelines and chatting with other adults. Low turnout, but still a nice social occasion.

The guys ate pizza, but I was pizza'd out... and it was cardboard pizza anyway. So I waited until we got home and had canteloupe and 1/2 bagel and some cheese and a bit of yogurt (because I'm still on antibiotics). Odd mix, but good. Ate a bit late, but didn't mind waiting for something better than pizza.

And I went to exercise class this morning. Had oatmeal for breakfast, and have packed a normal lunch (soup, crackers, canteloupe, applesauce). Will make chicken quesadillas for supper.

Feeling more on my normal track. And will start back on Habitcal today - always nice to do at the beginning of a month.

[kccc]

Well, FUN is addictive.

After having such a good time with the family on Thursday, I cast around for "what can we do on Friday?" The answer was easy - there's a local pottery studio that offers a "try it" night for all ages on Friday. We did it once before, loved it, and wanted to go back... but my weekends away with mom have interfered. Since I'm home this week, we went. And we took a family friend, a little girl a couple of years older than our son that is his friend... and my surrogate daughter. She has a gift for appreciating experience that I just enjoy so much.

It was really fun, for all of us. A wonderful evening.

And this morning, I went to the Farmer's Market for the first time. I've been planning to go for ages! More on that later... time to go.

But I am so glad that I'm back to enjoying life. It's important, even during stressful times. Maybe especially then.

[kccc]

Okay, the Farmer's Market.

That's been on my list fora while, and I finally went. A great choice. Beautiful fall weather... A bit dangerous, especially when I have money in my pocket! In addition to all the organic, local produce, there were crafts and music and bakery-type snacks... very pleasant. It was a really nice way to start the morning.

I'd had my breakfast before I went, so didn't eat snacks. But I spent a LOT on produce and one treat - a beautiful hand-made cloth handbag. Just gorgeous colors. After looking around, I bought several varieties of bell pepper. When we got home, we had "a tasting" of the different ones and ate them for lunch. My son had them raw as a side dish, with a leftover cheese quesadilla. I sauteed the rest with onions, and hubby had his inside a cheese quesadilla - sort of like a burrito. I had mine on top of cheese toast, made from really good bread that I also bought. One of my very favorite meals in my single days was a slice of cheese toast with sauteed veggies on top. Hubby doesn't care for it, so we don't have it as a family meal very often... so I really enjoyed them!! (Got some other produce too, and have plans for all of it. Real meals this week!).

Overall, eating was reasonable this weekend. Very good food, which I enjoyed greatly, but not too much of it. For dinner, we all went out to Earth Fare's hot bar (and did our grocery shopping after). We did buy a slice of cake to split after, as well as some candy - sort of like peanut brittle, but with sesame seeds and other nuts in it. Delicious! I confess to having several servings of that.

Sunday... breakfast, lunch (with the last of the brittle for dessert), and dinner (plus some very good chocolate for dessert). I was in several grocery stores and thought about buying something "because I could"... but the truth was, I wasn't hungry and didn't really want anything I saw. So I didn't bother.

Got in a GOOD walk on Sunday, too.

This weekend has really been enjoyable. And I'm glad - feel rejuvenated, and ready to deal from here.

[kccc]

Monday - at home (son's school out)
Got in a yoga class
Br - scrambled eggs/bread
L - PB/banana sandwich, last of the bell peppers, figs
D - eggplant parmesan (made from Farmer's Market eggplant), bread, salad, fruit

To my surprise, my son gobbled up the eggplant parmesan. I'd have expected a battle, but he just said "This is from the Farmer's Market, right?" and started telling his dad about all the different varieties we saw, and what they were best for. (Neither of us remembered names, but we remembered the range of creaminess/firmness in cooking.) I think helping to pick out food makes him less picky - good to remember! He's going with me again, though he doesn't know it yet.

Tuesday
Walk and abs (not enough of a walk, will have to push on the pedometer today)
Br - Greek yogurt with honey
L (planned) - leftover eggplant parmesan and salad
D (planned) - chili, salad, fruit.

My turn to go down to Mom and Dad's this weekend. I think this is the "new normal." Hard on us all, but we're adjusting.

[kccc]

Did fine until tonight, then had seconds.

Usual triggers... overwork, stress, "lunch meetings" that weren't what i wanted, home late, late dinner... and a favorite food left on the table. So I had a second helping. It could have fit on my plate (as a rather large helping), but wasn't there when I started.

So, fail.

But contained. No "I've blown it anyway, so I'll have just have some dessert too." I finished my seconds, then stopped. I am still proud each time I am able to do that.

My pedometer went through the wash last night. That is a bummer. I've ordered another.

And on we go...

[kccc]

My new pedometer is on its way...and my old one started working again! I'm impressed.

At Mom's, and have my son with me. She is physically better, which is encouraging, but memory issues persist. We had the same pleasant conversation several times. I cooked pasta with homemade pesto (which I knew had no salt) for supper, with some veggies, and am soaking beans for black-bean soup tomorrow, which I will make using low-sodium tomatoes. Will also make quiche with homemade piecrust... Not sure how it will taste with no salt, but will try. It amazes me how much sodium even ordinary food has.

Before I left, I made time to go to a yoga class. Glad I did - it helps me to have gotten good exercise, and to have a sense of taking care of myself. And helps me remember to be grateful for this time with my parents, instead of feeling pulled by all the things I need to do.

I am where I need to be right now.

[kccc]

Home again, and overwhelmed by all the work I didn't get done while at Mom's. Sigh. But making progress.

I ate junky "treats" at Mom's, stuff that Dad had around, like candy bars. I think I ate 3-4, plus several servings of ice cream, over the weekend. Seems like a lot of junk to me. However, no other snacks, and healthy (low-salt) meals, so my weight actually stayed pretty level. Not a very satisfying weekend though - regular candy bars just aren't that good, and I know I was eating for all the wrong reasons. I was dealing with "cabin fever" and the pressures of caregiving, the lack of exercise, etc., and thought that at least the candy would be a "treat." Not really... next time, I hope to find better solutions.

Maybe this is really a good sign, that I've moved beyond using food to mask problems or issues. That's a positive thought.

So I have to ask myself "what would be a genuine treat"? Or, more importantly, a de-stressor? The Happiness Project (a website I read on occasion) had a post on "comfort food for the mind" - activities that help restore balance when under stress. That's what I needed in place of candy.

I took my knitting, which definitely helped. Exercise seems the biggest lack to me (and my jaw/shoulder/neck ached as a result), so that's something to consider during the next trip.

Mom needs activity too - she can't move around much, unless someone is at her elbow, because her balance is too shaky. Plus, she doesn't have a lot of energy. We did sit outside a bit on the porch, which I think was a good choice... most of her time is in the family room. Dad prefers to be there himself, because he's most comfortable in his recliner, which limits Mom a bit. And he does so much for Mom already that it's hard to push him more.

We'll figure this out together. The "new normal" is a learning curve for us all.

On the plus side, my husband and son joined me for part of the weekend, and they were both a real help. It was nice to see my parents perk up with their grandson, who was on his best behavior, and hubby did some minor fixes around the house. All good.

Back to work and my normal routine at home.

[kccc]

Took a NWS day today. My son was presenting at a banquet - introducing his teacher, who'd won an award - and though most of the meal was quite No-S compliant, I decided the dessert was worth it. Angel food cake, pudding, fruit, whipped cream. An S-event, not an S-day.

And got in yoga.

And did a lot of grading. But I'm not done.

[kccc]

Done with grading (for now)! stayed at work until 8:30PM to finish.

Walked this morning.

Br - oatmeal, banana
L - salad, chicken, figs, and a few chips
D - fast food on the way home...Subway ham sandwich (with lots of veggies) and chips (baked). Not the best, but okay.

Now for some sleep!

[kccc]

Exercise - yoga
Br - 1/2 multigrain bagel w/PB and banana
L - PB&J on rye (yes, I know, but I liked it), salad, dried apricots
S - (planned) - chicken quesadillas, peas and carrots, fruit

[kccc]

Had not planned to go see Mom this weekend (Sis's turn), but... she's back in the hospital. So, I'm going to go tomorrow.

Life is too full. I am looking for islands of peace within it. This board is always one.

Later.

[kccc]

Walked for exercise.
Br - oatmeal, apricots
L - leftover quesadillas, carrots, banana
S- ??? No plans. That's not good. Hm... tuna melts. (Thank goodness for a small repertoire of "instant meals")

[sophiasapientia]

Had not planned to go see Mom this weekend (Sis's turn), but... she's back in the hospital. So, I'm going to go tomorrow.

Life is too full. I am looking for islands of peace within it. This board is always one.

Later.

KCCC -- I'm sorry to hear of your mom's setback. Sending healing thoughts to her and wishing peace for you and your family ...

[kccc]

Thanks, Sophiasapienta. This is just a hard time.

Mom is still in the hospital, but it's because her sodium levels were out of whack and they have to be brought into alignment slowly. Overall, she is actually doing better in terms of her heart (it was arythmic for a while, but that seems to have been resolved, knock on wood) but just too weak. She needs to walk more, but her balance is so bad... they're re-arranging the house so she can use her walker, even though she hates it. So... good there.

I drove down Friday as soon as I was through with obligatory meetings, and spent the night at the hospital. Blasted back Saturday in time for another meeting for church, a retreat I really needed to be a part of, which ran until about 7PM.

And after that, I just collapsed for the rest of the weekend. I did not exercise, I stayed up until 2 AM Saturday night reading escapist fiction, and I ate about half a bag of Halloween candy over Saturday and Sunday. The candy was spaced out enough that I didn't start feeling "icky" until right before bedtime on Sunday, but that's still a LOT of candy. And I didn't do housework, or much of anything useful. Made it to church (which helped), but after that, just did the minimum and wasted time on the computer.

I recognize this pattern - I think of it as a "melt-down." It happens when I'm stressed beyond coping, and just withdraw because I need nurture... but I don't think these are good strategies overall. At least, not in the long-term. For two days, it's not a big deal, really - just "mark it and move on" (you can NOT fail on S days!). But it's a red flag, telling me to be extra-careful and take care of myself.

So... I was careful to go to bed early on Sunday night, so I got enough sleep. It's Monday, and I'm back on track.

Exercise - walking
Br - oatmeal
L (planned) Salad, chicken, 1/2 baked potato, applesauce
D (planned) Salad, ravioli with pesto

I am grateful for the foundation of No-S habits that are helping to sustain me right now.

And I will actively look for "treats/nurture" that are better for me in the long-term.

[ShannahR]

Hi KCCC--
Hugs! I hope everything goes better today! Your post reminded me of a comic on one of my favorite blogs called Hyperbole and a half. Have you seen it (I can't remember if someone posted it on this site before)?

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2 ... adult.html



I know that's not exactly your situation but I hope it made you laugh! If you need another laugh the one called dog made me laugh so hard I started to cry.

Have a good Monday!

[kccc]

Hi KCCC--
Hugs! I hope everything goes better today! Your post reminded me of a comic on one of my favorite blogs called Hyperbole and a half. Have you seen it (I can't remember if someone posted it on this site before)?

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2 ... adult.html



I know that's not exactly your situation but I hope it made you laugh! If you need another laugh the one called dog made me laugh so hard I started to cry.

Have a good Monday!

Oh Shannah, that DID make me laugh... and then ruefully reflect on the ways I waste time on the computer. Need to cut back on that and focus on the things that matter!

Dinner last night was more chicken/salad, plus some bread. I was so hungry when I got home that I didn't want to wait. Such is life. Spent all evening working on my class, and have more to do... but have a bit of time for it as well.

Walked this morning.
Br - 1/2 multigrain bagel, PB, applesauce
L - salad, chicken, 1/2 bagel (dry), nectarine
D -TBD. Either chicken quesadillas or grilled cheese.

I'm not doing a good job managing meals - planning is usually a weekend chore, and my weekends have been too busy. As a result, I'm eating the same things over and over... but no one is complaining (yet, anyway). Will think about that when I'm at Mom's though - I could do some planning from there.

Got a lovely sympathetic note from another board member, which I appreciated - this group is so supportive! In our conversation, I said that under stress, I forget the things I KNOW to do. Which is one reason I hang out here. I remind myself when I write to others, or others remind ME that there are things I can do.

One of the most powerful questions in the world: What can I do?

I can...
... get a little more sleep and exercise. Need both.
... connect with my family. We've been doing some evening walks, and I love those.
... look for "comfort activities" (as opposed to comfort food). Maybe some meditations or small corners of time to do something I like.
...Let go of some things. The world will not crumble if...
... be grateful. I have so many, many blessings that I take for granted on a daily basis. Remembering some of them helps my sense of perspective.
... Breathe. Amazing how one forgets to do that under stress. I catch myself taking little shallow sips of air instead of deep, restoring breaths.
...Plan fun. It takes a little effort, but it is so restorative.

[ZippaDee]

Hello KCCC. Just wanted to tell you that I enjoy your posts so very much! I'm new at this and learn a lot from your posts! Have to tell you though I read this:

look for "comfort activities" (as opposed to comfort food). Maybe some meditations or small corners of time to do something I like.

and at frist read I thought it said look for "comfort activities" (as oppposed to comfort food). Maybe some medications

had to do a double take ....whew...meditations...NOT medications

Have a great day!

[kccc]

Zippadee, thanks for the laugh! Nope, no medications... though a glass of wine might be in order!

[emd1212]

Best of luck, KCCC, with finding new, healthier outlets for your stress. I can relate to the "shut-down" that can occur when too much stuff gets piled up. I think meditation could work wonders (or wine, if that fails!)

[kccc]

Yesterday was very unsatisfying.

Got in yoga for exercise
Br - egg and toast
L... things got sticky here. Attending a conference starting at 1:00. They did not serve lunch, but I thought I'd dash out and get something (I arrived a bit early). Well, I knew it was at a camp, but didn't realize how isolated it was. The only place to "dash" to was a basic gas station, and I mean basic. I got beef jerky and crackers. So, when the "break" came at 2:00, I decided that I would add fruit and chips, because I really felt I'd not had enough food (and I was presenting). I considered it "virtual plating," but it was extremely unsatisfying all around.
D - "conference food." Chicken and potatoes were fine, but the only veggie choices were over-cooked green beans and iceberg-lettuce salad. Dreary. Lots of dessert choices, though, which I passed on.

Sometimes, the best you can do is the best you can do. But by this morning, I was hungrier-than-normal for breakfast. Not surprising.

I'm back at work today, because I have meetings, but then will go back to the conference on Friday.

Forgot my pedometer today. Still walked.
Br today - oatmeal with dried apricots
L (planned) - PB&J, carrots, nectarine (will have to eat during a meeting, so needed something easy)
D - TBD. Will have to figure that out. I have some pesto that needs to be used since I thawed it, so will probably make pasta.

[Too solid flesh]

You did really well yesterday. What difficult circumstances, particularly with the stress of presenting.

I hope that today is easier.

[kccc]

Thanks, Too Solid Flesh. I appreciate your pointing that out to me... while I was unsatisfied, it didn't occur to me that NOT pigging out later was a big step forward. In the past, the circumstances I described would have led to over-eating later, in the "I DESERVE..." thinking that follows icky food. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. (Why do we sometimes miss our own improvement?)

Thursday was okay. Friday was too, except that I decided to have a S-treat on Friday night. It was a conscious choice... I'd come home from the conference/camp with some "S'mores" ingredients, already packaged up in individual servings. They'd made them the night before, and had bunches left over and were giving them away. I adore Smore's, and so does my son, so I took a few. However, Friday evening I needed to drive to my parents (my weekend with Mom), though I had time for dinner with my family first. And I decided to have s'mores with my son before I left. We fired up the grill and stood out on the deck to cook the marshmallows. I had two and enjoyed every bite.

The reason I did that was because on the weekends I'm at my parent's, I can't really do treats-I-like. They are on a strict diet that just doesn't leave a lot of room. I do cook meals we all like (I hope!), but desserts and treats are more difficult. So, Friday night was MY treat. And I think it was a good choice.

[kccc]

Well, I ended up having pie at my parents', which I made for them. I used Splenda blend, so it was not as good as usual to me - parents loved it.

So, pie on both days, and then when I got home Sunday night, an absolute binge on chocolate. "I deserve..." plus "While I can..." Stress-eating. Oh well.

It's Monday and I'm and back on track. That's the good thing about N-day habits.

Br - greek yogurt and banana
L - "work event" - one small plate
D - TBD

[kccc]

Dinner last night was VERY late and kind of haphazard... chicken sandwich, Greek yogurt, apricots.

Walked this morning.
Br - Greek yogurt, banana
L - bagel with hummus, salad. I brought fruit but was too full, so left it.
D (planned) - honey-dijon shrimp w/rice, salad, other veg TBD.

Slept miserably, and still have a ton of grading to do. BUT... I did some relaxation exercises, and intend to take my grading to a nice place. Working on those "comfort activities!"

[kccc]

Working at home today, and "time-shifting" so I can fit in things to nurture myself.

1) A HAIRCUT, which is SO long overdue! I haven't been able to find the time, and my over-long and unmanageable locks were just depressing. I am so glad to have this done.

2) Yoga class. Wow, just wow. So much to write about that. First, a BIG accomplishment....I did a handstand for the first time EVER in my life, and was blown away that I could. (Yes, it was assisted, and my feet were on the wall, but even so.)

This class is Anusara Yoga, and it's different from any I've ever taken - there's a stronger spiritual element to it. The notion of "aligning with the Supreme" (however you interpret that) is infused in the class. One of the principles mentioned today was "open to grace." Those thoughts frame one of the most physically intense classes I've ever taken, full of precise re-alignments that take the poses to a new level. It's a tremendously challenging class, but feels very good.

Today, as at the first class I attended, I found myself weeping quietly during the final resting pose. One one level, that's incredibly awkward and embarrassing and I wish I didn't do that. On another level, opening up my physical body seems to release a floodgate of stored emotion, and I think that it's the beginning of healing... if I can just accept it for a while.

I am noticing that the poses I struggle with most involve balance or trusting my own strength - particularly inversions. When I was doing the handstand, my teacher told me "You are strong. You just don't know you are." I think there's a bigger message for me there. That, and keeping in mind that I am not required to be perfect or to manage the entire world (or even my part of it).

Okay, enough non-No-S-related blather... I have not been able to journal in a long time, so this thread fills that niche at times.

Exercise: Yoga class

Br - Whole wheat toast w/PB and bananas
L - one plate from my favorite health store deli
D (planned) - salmon burgers and salad with avocado slices

[kccc]

Failure today. Not a bad one, but I'm being honest with myself.

Exercise - walk plus abs
Br - yogurt and banana, gulped before my first meeting.
L - bagel w/PB, fruit cup. Here's the first "iffy" bit... I had an apple, but was eating my lunch at a meeting so didn't want to eat that (too noisy). Planned to eat it right after, but the first break I got was at 4:30. And I was ravenous, so I ate it. If it had been closer to lunch, I'd call it virtual plating with a clear conscience, but so far away, it felt like a snack.
D - chicken quesadilla, fruit cup, and chips with salsa. Got some bad news during dinner - an important bill I missed with all that's been going on - and ate extra chips and salsa. Definitely seconds. And didn't address the real problem, of course. But I took care of that too.

Both "bounded" failures - I didn't use them as excuses to "wreck the car."

Tomorrow is my son's birthday party, which we're hosting, so I'm taking a NWS. He's out of school (teacher work day), so it's a good day for a party.

[kccc]

Lovely weekend in terms of family/fun/relaxing.

Awful weekend in terms of eating. Ick, ick, ick. Between my son's b'day and Halloween (and residual stress), I blew out all the stops in a spectacular way.

My body is not happy with me AT ALL... and rightly so. I don't even want to see candy or pizza again. I'm declaring today "Official Detox Day."

The only good part is how much I yearn to get back on track. I WANT to eat lightly today, not as a self-punishment of any kind, but because I feel a real need to restore balance. That kind of eating is NOT normal for me now, and I don't like how I feel when I do it. It's a relief to choose light, healthy food that will be gentle on my abused digestive system.

I had Greek yogurt and an apple for breakfast this morning, which felt just right.

===
ETA: Lunch was at the student center - a roasted veggie and hummus wrap and a salad.
Dinner was soup and fruit and homemade whole wheat bread. Sturdy, but simple.
Exercise - morning yoga at the gym.

Feeling more myself now...

[kccc]

October review...

Lots of stress-eating, mostly on weekends. A few weekday failures, but all VERY contained - they were not bad, really. Too much pizza and rotisserie chicken for meals, though - I have not been eating satisfying meals, and I think that's an issue.

A few accomplishments... sticking to No-S under difficult circumstances, like at the conference. And exercise is pretty good overall. The new yoga classes on Wednesdays are good for me on so many levels.

Planned some fun this month, which I think is increasingly important. It's too easy for me to get all stressed right now, and feel that my life is one unending to-do list and lacking in any joy. I am trying to address that tendency proactively, and think I'm pulling out of that mindset.

Heading into the holidays, which makes me nervous... they're always hectic/stressful anyway. Need to keep them simple this year, as much as possible.

Smile. Breathe. Move slowly.
Be open to Grace.

[kccc]

Exercise -walk and abs
Br - Greek Yogurt, apple
L - leftover soup, homemade bread, fruit
D (planned) - sausages, baked potato, cooked carrots, broccoli

November is NaNoWriMo (Google it if you don't know) and also AEDM (Art Every Day Month). Both are sort of creative boot camps, where participants work VERY intensively but for a limited time. Neat. I would LOVE to do either, but think that trying this year would totally sink me.

So... my version for November is "Self-Care Daily Month." (SCDM) That translates to down-time, connection time, creative time... anything truly restorative. Doesn't have to be much, but something that I can point to and say "I did this because I wanted to." Hopefully, it will add to my sanity quotient.

Yesterday, I talked the family into a short evening walk, even though it was dark. I love walking with my husband - we did that a lot when dating, and have gotten out of the habit - and even when my kid is whiny (like last night), it's still nice.

[AnneK]

Your meals sound sooo good and I like your SCDM plan. I'd love to hear what you do every day. Are you going to include that?

[kccc]

Hi Anne - yes, for November, I plan to itemize the "self care" choices. I feel as if I need it right now, because of various stressors in my life that are affecting me noticeably.

Yesterday's dinner got revised... out of baking potatoes, subbed sweet. Since they and the carrots look too similar, I had fruit instead of the carrots (cinnamon pears - my usual apple recipe, but with pears since I had a lot from my parent's tree).

Yesterday's SC: Watched a Star Trek episode with the family, and started a new knitting project. I have a couple going, but am not enjoying them much, so decided to break them up with one I want to do more.

Br - PB&J on homemade bread. Yum!
L (planned) - one plate at favorite health-food deli
D (planned) - pasta with clam sauce, veg TBD
Planned SC - yoga class! This is the special class that I love.

[kccc]

Did food as planned and yoga as planned. The trip to the health food deli and yoga are part of my routine on Wednesdays, but it's good to notice that my routine does include self-care.

And my exercise accomplishment for the day... I got back into handstand, with less assistance than previously, AND I got into a backbend. You might think the handstand is the most challenging, but the "push up" with the arms into backbend is really difficult for me. I did one assisted, and one modified (hands on blocks set against the wall). A personal best on both.

A former yoga teacher would never let her students say any variant of "I can't do that." She would permit it with the additon of the word "yet" at the end. As in, "I can't do that YET." Changes the perspective, doesn't it? Still, I did not really believe I would ever do either of these poses, so I'm quite blown away.

[mimi]

A former yoga teacher would never let her students say any variant of "I can't do that." She would permit it with the additon of the word "yet" at the end. As in, "I can't do that YET." Changes the perspective, doesn't it? Still, I did not really believe I would ever do either of these poses, so I'm quite blown away.

I love that - I can't to that...YET! I will be sure to tuck it away for my own personal use, but also to use with my students - 7th graders often don't have a great deal of confidence.

As always, you are inspirational, my friend...truly inspirational! Be proud of your accomplishments - and I'm not just referring to yoga.

P.S. Interesting that you mentioned NaNoWriMo! I have never done it with all my students, but each year I bring up the website and show it to them. I usually have a few students who participate. Sometimes I show them the tip of the day throughout November. This year I have a little girl who is shooting for a 50,000 word novel! She showed me her outline - chapter by chapter - yesterday! And she is already quite an accomplished little writer. Can't wait to see her finished product.

[kccc]

Mimi, thanks so much! (And how wonderful that you have a student doing NaNoWriMo - cool!)

Br - PB&J on homemade bread, fruit
L - Soup, salad, apple and the last tiny heel of bread (about the size of two quarters, lol!)
D (planned) - Eggplant parmesan (already made - love that!), sauteed bell peppers and onions, some kind of fruit.

Exercise - walking and abs
SC...Got a favorite author's new book that is only available in hardback or as an audiobook. I am too cheap - and have too little shelf space - to buy hardback, but I have an Audible subscription because of my commute. I pay a flat fee per month, and can get ANY book for it... including a newly-released, not yet in paperback, book! So I was THRILLED to see this one available last night, and will enjoy it on my commute for a while!

[ShannahR]

Hi KCCC!
I was reading your post and that Audible subscription sounds divine! I LOVE books and read extremely fast. Which tends to fill up book cases extremely fast. I was wondering how you feel about Audible and why you picked that over a Kindle or similar device. I definitely need to do something about my book "problem" and I don't want to read less!

[kccc]

Shannah, I chose Audible because I have a long commute and wanted something to listen to. So, a Kindle wouldn't work for that.

I did try a Kindle out a while back, and liked it well enough for fiction. If I did a lot of commuting by train or plane, that would work. It doesn't work as well for professional reading because the annotation feature is a bit clunky - I expect it will get better as the technology matures. I do wish it was backlit for night reading, though. I liked that I could get software to read on other equipment (iPad, iPhone, computer), but I didn't like the difficulty in "lending" a book. (Nook is better on that, I believe.)

Thanks for the question. I enjoy "geek stuff," so it's a pleasant distraction.

==
Didn't post yesterday because it was a very, very hard day. More grief... my friend and boss suffered a massive heart attack and died Thursday night. Everyone was so shell-shocked and grief-stricken at work yesterday. Since he was a VP, there was a lot of professional fallout as well as intense personal grief. He was a good guy, well-liked... and way, way too young for this to happen (in his late 40's).

Not a good day. The funeral is Sunday; in between, I am at Mom's.

I did a little yoga late Friday night, and listened to some online affirmations that I found (MyThoughtCoach on iTunes, if anyone cares). Otherwise, no exercise. Went out with the family to eat, and it was kind of late... so I took the last part of Friday as an S-day and ate seconds and dessert. Or a failure. I don't much care which right now. It wasn't excessive.

Mom is a bit better, so that's good.

I am trying to learn to accept and be with sadness/grief/sorrow. Not pleasant, but it's part of life. If I try to wall it off, it hurts more in the long run. Going through isn't enjoyable, but it's kind of the only real option.

And I intend to spend more time with people I love. Every loss is a reminder to do that.

[ZippaDee]

So very sorry for your loss!!! Sending hugs your way. A reminder for sure to spend lots of time with those we love!

[kccc]

Thanks, ZippaDee.

Spent a little time on Storypeople.com today. Love the artwork and the stories - they just speak to me.

This one describes my friend. Real Hero.

And this one describes my recent months. Angel of Mercy

Or maybe this one. Life Cycle.

(I really may have to buy one of these...)

Pleasant day with mom and dad. She continues to improve physically, which is good. The low-salt diet is still a challenge, but we're getting some routines in place that work. The "new normal."

Lots of cooking for them, and freezing things. I made apple pies with no salt in the piecrust and using Splenda baking blend. Not bad, tho I don't usually use artificial sweeteners myself... Nice to make treats they can have. Aside from the pie, pretty "n-day-ish" in terms of food. No exercise yet, but I'll do some yoga tonight.

One day at a time...

[mimi]

So sorry for your loss KCCC...life has been more than difficult for you these past few weeks...take it slow and be kind to yourself. And do exactly as you mentioned - spend more time with the people you love. Take care.
Love,
Mimi

[thtrchic]

KCCC - I'm also so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm impressed with your ability to keep moving forward through all of this. Hang in there as well as you can.

julie

[kccc]

Thanks, everyone. Just as we thought we were pulling out of a difficult time, something new...

Trying to find positive ways to channel emotion and deal.

Sunday was a more excessive S-day, but done. Good thing about Mondays - at this point, it's so easy and welcome to get back on track.

Don't expect to be here as frequently for a while. Too much else to attend to. But I will be around/back when I can.

I am attending to the core health basics - decent food, exercise, sleep. I learned a long time ago that it's important to keep those going in times of great stress, as a foundation. And I'm thinking about what would be the emotional/spiritual equivalents...Connection, reflection, action, maybe.

[kccc]

Not much to write that's pertinent to this board... No-S is fine on weekdays, a bit excessive on weekends as old stress-eating habits kick in. Weight holding steady (145 this morning - it currently ranges 144-146, which is fine for me at 5'7").

The yoga I do helps a LOT with stress (as does exercise in general)... and I have my favorite (and most challenging) class today to look forward to.

Food is a little problematic. Last weekend, I went to Mom and Dad's to care for them, then left early to get back just in time for the funeral. That took the rest of Sunday, until time for the usual evening routine. So, grocery shopping never happened (aside from a quick stop for milk), and meals have been a bit "scattered" as a result. Managed to pull it together yesterday from the freezer, but really need some fresh fruit/veg. May be able to get that done today, which would be good. Don't have a lot of energy for planning... may scroll through this thread for ideas.

I need something happy/funny/fun/restorative in my life right now, and so does the family. They aren't hit as hard by this recent loss as I am - going to work is just HARD right now! - but we've just had too much hit us this Fall. And we haven't done some of the things that we normally love to do in Fall, like going to the mountains. And probably won't be able to, given current constraints...So, need to figure out what we CAN do. Even if it's just walk around town and enjoy the leaves turning, or cook marshmallows out on the deck one weekend, or make hot apple cider one evening.

A good friend advised me not to deal with all of the stuff from this fall all at once. One major life crisis at a time, at least on the emotional level. It's very good advice. I tend to hold on to past and future "stuff" too much... all the past fear that Mom would die (though she's now slowly recovering) AND all the future anxiety about her care needs (though we really don't know yet), AND the grief from my father-in-law AND the recent grief about my friend/boss, AND... It's not necessary to hold all of it at any time, and if I try it will crush me like a tsunami. Let it come in individual waves, and deal with each one as it comes, and be very aware that there are gaps between those waves to catch my breath. And take advantage of those gaps to recover, and even to enjoy life. Because the leaves are absolutely stunning this year, and I got to hold a new baby on Monday, and I HAVE friends who give me good advice.

Okay, not particularly No-S related, but this kind of blathering is helpful.

[kccc]

Yesterday...

Br - scrambled egg sandwich (2 eggs, one slice WW bread)
L - one plate at my fave place, mostly veg with tofu and some noodles in peanut sauce. WONDERFUL.
D - Chicken, roasted veg, salad, bread. Delish!

Exercise - Yoga class

I went to the grocery yesterday, and since I was working from home, put chicken in the crock pot and veggies to roast in the oven (squash, carrots, onion... yum!) AND I mixed up a batch of the artisan bread dough I used to make all the time - I haven't made any since Mom went into the hospital. That was a treat. It's nice to have food I like for dinner (and lunch).

Yoga remains good for me - challenging, almost at the border of what-I-can-do. At this stage, there's an accomplishment almost every session. This time, I lifted into wheel without assistance and got into crow pose for the first time ever. And listened to the words of wisdom... The two concepts of "Opening to Grace" and "Setting an intention" are particularly resonant right now.

Read back through old posts. I lose track of my intentions sometimes, especially when life hits me hard. I'd forgotten that this was "Self-Care every day" month. But I despite losing the conscious intention, I HAVE done that. I had scheduled a massage appointment for Friday, which I kept. Yesterday's yoga counts. Every other day I was on the road, and I listened to my new book (which I have enjoyed greatly - a great escape) and appreciated the beauty of fall colors. I took my knitting to my folks... And now that I remember, "SCED" is going on my daily "to-do" list. I'm setting an intention.

Yet another life complication... there is evidently some ugliness brewing over my late father-in-law's will. We intend to stay out of it and try to maintain relationships with both sides, and I hope we can. That's our shared intention, and I'm glad my husband and I are on the same page on this one. But there have been some distraught telephone calls over it... sigh.

[idontknow]

Hi KCCC and congratulations on getting into crow - I find that so hard but it is one of my yoga goals along with an elegant headstand
I've been reading your thread and sympathising/empathising from afar. A couple of years ago I had a year like yours - lots of awful things seemed to happen daily. Maybe as we get older the ups and downs of life get more intense as the people we love also get older and our jobs get more complex - I'm not sure. Your friend is right - you can't deal with everything at once. I have mentally locked the events away - I visualise a wooden box with a lock where I have put some things. Sometimes I unlock the box and have a peek inside - I know from that first peek whether I'm feeling strong enough to explore things. Sometimes I am - I take the thing out and think about it - sometimes I'm not and I lock the box back up. It just helps me to get on with daily life because I have a family and a job and I can't afford to be overwhelmed by things.
Like you, yoga is a release for me too. I often find myself in tears at the end of a class - but I always feel better afterwards.
I like the idea of 'self care every day' month - but maybe every month should be 'self care every day'
Sorry if I've rambled a bit - just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and how difficult things are for you at the moment

[kccc]

IDK, thanks so much for posting. One of the things that gives me perspective is to remember that these issues come to us ALL at some point, in some form. Loss, grief, exhaustion... part of life, just like all the joyous and happy parts. You can't have just part of it, and it just adds additional suffering if you expect to.

Or as a quote I saw once reminded me "You are unique. Just like everybody else." I actualy think there's a tremendous level of truth and wisdom in that, though it was meant to be ironic.

And on we go... this morning I counseled a student who's life was falling apart, and hope I helped. Some leads on places to look on campus for jobs, some assistance with assignments... Oddly, I feel more together when I am able to help someone else.

===
Yesterday...
B- yogurt and banana
L - leftover chicken, veg, bread, and figs
D - Out with family, at a Tex-Mex place where you tell them what to put into your burrito. I had my usual. I did eat a full order of the side chips though, which I usually don't - I usually eat half. Oh well. One BIG plate!

Exercise - walk and abs
SCED - eating out was a pleasure. I also knit a while and listened to the end of my audiobook. It was really good.

Today
Exercise - Killer Step class
Br - bread, cheese, salad (odd for breakfast - brought the salad for yesterday and didn't eat it, so decided I'd have it this morning since lunch is out)
L (planned) - Student dining hall
D (planned) - homemade ravioli, pesto, bread, veg/fruit

SCED - not sure yet, but have set an intention!

And on we go...

[Too solid flesh]

I'm so sorry to hear of your bereavement. There is such a lot for you to deal with at the moment.

I know exactly what you mean about the waves of grief.

After a bereavement a kind colleague sent me a text saying that "All things pass given time", and it was a comfort.

Thinking of you.

[kccc]

Thank you, TooSolidFlesh. This really has been a tough Fall. But...it's also been one from which I am learning a great deal that is deeply important, on multiple levels.

I do think that having broken the general habit of stuffing down emotions with food makes all this both harder and easier. Harder in the short run, because I've given up an emotional crutch. Easier in the long run because I'm dealing with the feelings as I go, instead of piling them up in a stack that would fall on me and crush me later.

As you say, time....


Saturday...

Today we had a big breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, fruit. All on one plate, but I was too stuffed to consider treats for a bit. At lunch, had about half my normal serving of chicken quesadillas so I could fit in some chocolate after. Rather a lot of chocolate - ate two "fun bars", then decided if I was going to eat chocolate that I wanted better stuff, so broke out some organic dark and had an ounce or so. I am DONE... For now, at least.

Tonight, we are going to a wedding reception tonight, for an old friend. Looking forward to seeing her, and glad it fell on an S-day.

[kccc]

The wedding reception was nice, except that I didn't get to spend much time with the bride. That's how these things go. I did get to see some other friends, which was nice.

However, I didn't care for the food. The cake was good, but the main meal didn't appeal. It was catered, and very Southern... just not my style at all. (That's where I'm "picky" - I get fussy over vegetables being recognizable, not cooked to death or smothered in sauce.) So... when I got home, I got more wine and chocolate.

And Sunday, which was jam-packed with meetings I had to do, was non-stop eating, starting with donuts all through my pre-service meeting (TMI alert...stop now if it bothers you.) I realized later that it was also TOM, and incipient menopause has made that both more irregular AND more hormonal than it used to be. Since it's irregular, it blindsides me.

In a nutshell, I ate junk, junk, and more junk. And no exercise (other than a little yardwork) all weekend, which is a bummer.

But... it's Monday. I've already done yoga, and have reasonable meals planned.

Right now, I am content with "vanilla No-S"... which includes "you can't fail on an S-day." I am keeping my greens green and not worrying about the weekends. Except to note that, as bad as it was, it was better than "bad" used to be.

Babysteps.

SCED on Friday...stopped by Trader Joe's, which is new to our town. Fun!
SCED on Saturday... spent some time reading.
SCED on Sunday... missed. I think I would have done better with eating if I'd attended to this better.

[ShannahR]

Hi KCCC--Yeah for Trader Joes! So glad you got to explore as some of your self care time! I only shop at Trader Joes and Whole foods, in fact I just had Trader Giottio's Vegetable Lasagna for lunch!

I also wanted to say good job for being kind to yourself about this weekend. I was in the exact same situation (TOM excessive eating) and reading your post reminded me that it's okay for that to happen every once in a while and not to beat myself up about it. Thanks!

[funfuture]

I agree, Shannah. The beauty of NoS (as I've learned the hard way! ) is that it works when you just keep on keeping on, regardless of the occasional blow-outs or derailments.
KCCC, you are such a thoughtful, long-term practitioner of this way of life that your rock-solid habits will stand you in good stead through all this.
More power to you!

[kccc]

Thanks Shannah and FunFuture! I do appreciate the support.

Monday was harder than normal for me - was actually hungry, even though I was eating normally. But I made it through. Did indulge in an extra coffee, which is allowed but not regularly. It was a nasty cold rainy day, so that was welcomed on many levels.

Hanging in... just too busy. Breathe. Relax. Focus. Take another step.

[kccc]

Okay, a better day. Weather lifted, and is clear and brisk. I love it, even when I'm indoors. And a little more time. A little.

Tuesday was a very busy night, with school activities early and a meeting for hubby later, so we fell back on pizza for dinner. Humph. At least we had fruit with it. I intend to have a real meal tonight, though!

Did my wonderful yoga class today. No major breakthroughs - in fact, there were some poses that were well beyond what I can do at this stage. I accepted that, and worked toward them. It is okay to be where I am at this time, and I can do that and still make progress at my own speed.

In fact, that was sort of the "text" of today's class... we all have the spark of the Divine in us, but it is unique to each of us. Different gifts, different expressions of the Light, expected to be so. Therefore, when you admire the gifts or talents that someone else has, don't get snared into thinking "I should be/do that..." (or even more extreme "... and because I can't/don't, I'm worthless.") Just admire and enjoy, without taking on expectations of yourself...and delight in your own unique gifts as well. (This - or something close to it - was said before we watched another teacher demonstrate the Bird of Paradise pose. I had never even SEEN anyone do that before - a standing pose, on one leg, with a bind around the lifted leg. Astounding that the body can DO that. Any body. Mine didn't - heck, I can't even manage a bind in most poses. Today, my fingers almost touched in the set-up pose [both feet on the floor!]. And that was my best effort, and enough.)

Back to what I need to do. Just wanted to capture this.

Oh.. food. Yesterday was pita and hummus for breakfast, bean soup and fruit for lunch, and pizza/fruit for dinner. Today was yogurt and fruit for breakfast, one plate at my fave deli for lunch, and I'm planning pork chops, cabbage, and potatoes for dinner. Plus fruit. All good.

[kccc]

Friday...

Exercise Th- walking
Exercise F - killer Step class

Wednesday night was a Fail. I ate seconds on the roasted potatoes. I think I need to make them on weekends only, since I want a LOT of them. Either that, or just have half a plateful and give up something else.

Thursday was odd... one of those "work receptions" which was also dinner. Little 4" square plates, curved so they held 1-2 items at a time, so I have NO IDEA how much I ate. All I know is that I didn't eat sweets (though there were some amazing ones), and I felt a little full but not icky at the end. And I talked a lot between "plates". (The crab cakes were awesome, btw.)

Weight at 145.5 this morning. A tiny bit on the high side, but it's still TOM. (At 5'7", my current acceptable range is 144-146.)

SOOOO glad it's Friday, and I get to be at home this weekend!

[kccc]

Good weekend, overall. One of those nice productive/puttery ones, where you get a lot done without really noticing... got some overdue yard work done (more to do, but that's okay), got some meetings taken care of, did a little grading, took care of grocery shopping and laundry. Worked on a knitting project that had stalled to the "guilt" point, and now have it almost done. (More importantly, it's back to being fun to work on.)

Also went to a new yoga class early Sunday morning, before church. That was very nice.

Did the "weekend slide" on food - we went out Friday night, so I started my S-days then and ended at 4:00PM Sunday. Worked well, overall. S's were more rational than they've been of late - good stuff, but nothing over the top.

And it's Monday. I've done my yoga class.
Br - yogurt and figs
L (planned) - leftover Tower of Tortilla (from Saturday), salad, clementine
D (planned) - frozen ravioli and pesto, veg/fruit (TBD).

Self-care - got a new book in my series this weekend, and am enjoying it. I'd LOVE to stay up all night and read the whole thing, but put it down and went to bed at a reasonable time both Saturday and Sunday. Sleep is part of self-care too - though acting on that recognition is an accomplishment for me!

[kccc]

Walked this morning, and did abs.

Yesterday went mostly as planned, though I had a "work lunch" so saved yesterday's for today. My work lunch was fortunately at the new dining hall, so I could choose a plate-full of things I liked and felt good about.

Br - figs, 1/2 bagel (dry, b/c I was in a hurry packing this morning)
L - yesterday's
D - TBD. Probably grilled cheese sandwiches.

Mom fell. Nothing broken, but a gash in her arm. I'm worried, though. Dad is also experiencing health issues.

Feeling "Thanksgiving stress" too. Sis and I are planning a low-salt Thanksgiving for Mom, and I think we've got that under control. But there are a lot of other meals prior to cover, with my family as well as Mom and Dad. Don't want to use up Mom's stash of low-salt meals that we've been working so hard to build, but have to feed everyone.

Deep breathe. I'll figure it out. Right now, other stuff to focus on.

[kccc]

The "heart-healthy" dinner was a success. We had most of the standard dishes, though "tweaked" a bit to be low sodium. That meant more from "scratch" and fewer convenience foods, so I was actually happier with the revised menu than the original. Sis and I worked very hard to keep flavor while adapting to Mom's dietary needs, and I do think we did an excellent job. The rest of the family seemed quite pleased, and only added salt to one dish that I saw.

Of course, my Mom had to criticize a bit. So, we can tell she's getting back to feeling like herself, lol! But she ate well, and seemed to enjoy it.

I got up early and managed to fit in some yoga before I started cooking, which made me happy. No exercise today, though (Friday). Ah well. It has been a decent N-day, though, so I'm pleased about that.

And I'm back home, which is also good.

[funfuture]

I'm glad your thanksgiving celebration went well KCCC - and that your mother was feeling a little bit like her old self.
fun
x

[kccc]

Thanks, Fun! Despite the set-back from the fall, Mom really is remarkably improved, which is a relief. Much more like herself, which we were glad to see - even when that meant she complained/criticized a bit, like she used to. Sis and I just smiled.

Home Friday, and had guests in Saturday. I cooked a second turkey because I LIKE turkey. (We'd left the meat from the first in the freezer for Mom and Dad.) Made a second dinner with the turkey and leftovers from the first meal, plus a few additions. I have the bones simmering for stock now.

Eating on Saturday quite reasonable. Yogurt for breakfast, just chips and salsa and cheese and fruit for lunch. Thanksgiving reprise for dinner, plus some pie and chocolate after. Not excessive, though... I just get full faster than I used to. Not so great on exercise - missed on Friday and Saturday, but have done yoga this morning, which felt good. And I did do some yard work on Saturday, so that was some activity.

BA had a quote on her thread about someone dining with a thin person and being amazed that the thin person turned down a favorite dish because she was full. The original writer said that was something no formerly obese person would ever do. I don't think I agree. True, I can't speak to the level of weight that they're discussing - I was 35 lbs overweight when I was yo-yo dieting in my youth, not 100 - but I WAS obese. And even after I lost weight, I THOUGHT like an obese person until I found No-S, even though my body was slim - never trusting myself, always monitoring. But after all these years on No-S, I sometimes behave exactly as that post describes a thin person behaving. Not all the time, of course - I have decades of "fat-thinking" and only a few years of No-S. But often enough that I notice. This weekend demonstrated that. I did indulge - but just a bit. Enough to enjoy, not enough to regret. And I did it without really thinking about it, and it felt good.

Even deep habits can change over time, and that's a lovely thought.

[kccc]

This is the quote from BA that I referred to in my last post. The bold at the end is what I was reacting to.

I agree that body signals get out of whack, and if you're used to over-riding them then you don't notice them at all. I also agree that you can't go from having them "broken" to trusting them in one fell swoop, as some of the intuitive eating books advise.

But I think that the ability to recognize and respond appropriately to hunger/fullness can be re-built. And I think the No-S habits do that, over time.

Copy of a recent Post by a Maintainer on another Forum.

I know I will be 'counting' calories and carbs for the rest of my life-
-unless I want to end up back over 300lbs!

The 'listen to your body' advice cannot possibly work
for someone like me
who has been morbidly obese much of her entire life.
I doubt that anyone gets to morbid obesity without some metabolic dysfunction
which interferes with 'normal' body eating signals.

My body really doesn't give me reliable 'signals.'
And if it did, I long ago learned to completely ignore them,
and, if I every had it, that ability is lost forever.

A lifetime of morbid obesity obviously has totally distorted
my relationship to food from a psychological perspective.
Food is never a benign presence in my life;
it was a good friend who has become the 'enemy.'
It is something I have to deal with one day at a time,
trying to make sure I remain in control.
In a way, it's like being an alcoholic,
but worse because total abstinence is not possible.

Last winter, I went on a two-week cruise with a very good friend of mine
who has been normal weight all her life.
She is a model of 'eating when hungry/stopping when full,'
and I could bore you with examples of that behavior that I saw over and over.
One in particular was striking.

We were having dinner at a buffet,
and she had a moderate portion of several items.
Her plate was in no way full.
She was 3/4 through the food and stopped (I was still shoveling it in).
She happened to glance over to the buffet and said,
"I didn't notice they have fried catfish; I just love that" (she's from New Orleans).
I expected her to go get some, but she just sat there,
so I said, "Aren't you going to have any catfish?"
She replied, "No, I'm full, and I'm finished eating."

I was amazed that she would ignore a food she loves
simply because she wasn't hungry!
Fat from early childhood, I've always been a "food for entertainment,"
"food for stress," "food for boredom" eater.

My friend is a 'normal' eater who can listen to her body-
--but she's never had to lose weight in her life.
It seems to me that the advice to eat when hungry/stop when full
is ONLY useful for people who have already always done that.

[BrightAngel]

True, I can't speak to the level of weight that they're discussing -
I was 35 lbs overweight when I was yo-yo dieting in my youth, not 100 - but I WAS obese.

I agree that body signals get out of whack,
and if you're used to over-riding them then you don't notice them at all.
I also agree that you can't go from having them "broken"
to trusting them in one fell swoop,
as some of the intuitive eating books advise.

But I think that the ability to recognize and respond appropriately
to hunger/fullness can be re-built.
And I think the No-S habits do that, over time.

I agree with you that new HABITS can be learned,
and that one can gain a new MINDSET.
However,
The concept of Intuitive Eating involves letting one's BODY tell one how much to eat.
You are also correct when you say you cannot speak to the level of weight discussed.
The PRIMARY PROBLEM with INTUITIVE EATING
for those who've spent time well into the area of Obesity or are "Reduced Obese"
is not with acquiring a new MINDSET--psychological;
The Problem is that they cannot acquire a new BODY--physical,
and there are permanent differences in the BODY
after years of severe Obesity or Former severe Obesity.
I've posted a more detailed response to this issue in my Daily Check-In Thread---11/28/10.

[kccc]

Thanks, BA.

Since the quote was out of context, I actually did not realize that the original post was about Intuitive Eating, though it makes sense once you point that out. I don't think Intuitive Eating is a reliable strategy in itself, though the "mindful" aspect of it can be helpful when layered with more useful guidelines.

I have probably taken the quote even further out of its original context... What I was reacting to was the bold parts of the quote, especially at the end, which (as I read them) stated that " 'stop when you're full' will NEVER work for people who haven't done that all their lives." That idea caused me to reflect on my own experience, especially because the "it's my favorite but I'm full" story caught my attention... that's something I do now (at least sometimes) and did not do in the past.

"Stop when you're full" did not work for me for DECADES, even though I was maintaining my weight through calorie-counting strategies. But it DOES work now, at least some of the time. I can tell the difference in how I approach food and being full.

It's a noticeable difference, and I don't think it's purely mental. As you have frequently pointed out, there are documented physiologic changes that take place when one is overweight. The scientific evidence for that is quite clear.

However, I truly believe that the regular habits of No-S have "undone" or healed some of those changes in me. And it makes sense that they could - as I read the scientific papers, I am often struck by how many of the habits that are said to contribute to balance align with No-S.

Whether someone else would have the same experience, I can't say. And I would expect that the level of obesity WOULD be a factor, which is why I added that disclaimer.

But based on this "experiment of one," I would say that it IS possible to learn to trust your body...once your body has become more trustworthy. A very, very slow process, but one that is quite rewarding.

[BrightAngel]

KCCC, it is easy to miss the Subject Line here in the Check-In Threads.
In my Thread the Heading of that quoted Post was:
Post subject: Intuitive Eating - Wishful Thinking for one Formerly Obese.
I'm sure you noticed it was a copy of a post by someone
who is now 165 lbs, after losing from a weight of 340 lbs,
and is working to maintain that 175 lb loss.

[kccc]

KCCC, it is easy to miss the Subject Line here in the Check-In Threads.
In my Thread the Heading of that quoted Post was:
Post subject: Intuitive Eating - Wishful Thinking for one Formerly Obese.
I'm sure you noticed it was a copy of a post by someone
who is now 165 lbs, after losing from a weight of 340 lbs,
and is working to maintain that 175 lb loss.

You're right, I totally missed the subject line.

I did notice the extreme weight loss, which is why I initially commented that the changes that I am now noticing might not apply to someone who had more extreme weight changes.

However, I am glad that the quote helped me notice an important change that has occurred so slowly and gradually that I might otherwise have missed it.

[kccc]

Back to normal routine...

Well. Almost.

Got in a good yoga class this morning - felt great. Then realized that I'd forgotten to put my carefully-packed breakfast and lunch in the car.

Oh well.

Fortunately, I have a card at the dining hall (which was good, because I don't have a dime of cash on me). So, I went down for breakfast, and will again for lunch. Actually a bit of a treat.

Br - fresh fruit, scrambled eggs (I ate half the serving), biscuit and gravy (NO nutritional value, but I love them... and it's nasty cold weather today, so it was wonderful to have a hot meal).
L - TBD
D - (planned) Sausages, leftover sweet potatoes, veg. Bread if I have time.

===
Lunch was NOT a treat. No time to go to Student Center to eat, so ate a reconstituted soup from my emergency drawer. No money to add fruit or something nice, and I am hungry now...Oh well.

[kccc]

Made it through yesterday, despite the unsatisfying lunch.

Allowed a cup of hot apple cider in place of my usual evening glass of wine, which seemed a logical trade. It's nasty weather here, which is a drastic change after the unseasonably warm spell we've been having. We put on Christmas songs, did a little decorating, and had spiced cider - made for a lovely evening. Otherwise, food as planned.

Today - walked plus abs

Br - oatmeal, banana
L (work meal) - pizza and salad
D - TBD. Probably salmon burgers or tuna melts. Pretty much done with leftovers at this point.

[kccc]

Horrid weather (and seeing many wrecks on the road) meant that I got home late. Called hubby, and he put a hodge-podge dinner of leftovers on the table (bless him), to which I added a bit when I arrived. Mine was turkey quesadillas, salad, and a slice of homemade bread.

Did a little more decorating last night. I'm pleased about that. We usually decorate on Thanksgiving weekend, because if we don't, there's NO TIME later. This year, it seemed even more important to me because of all the family weekends I'll need to take. But... it didn't happen. The stuff made it up the stairs, but we didn't open a box. And though I didn't want to wreck our relaxing day by nagging everyone into helping (and turning it into an awful chore), I was distressed that it wasn't done. On Monday, I decided that "a little bit each night" would be enough. So we assembled the tree (yes, we have an artificial one) on Monday and rearranged the room for it. Last night we broke out the lights and put up the Advent Calendar for December. Tonight we'll finish the lights (needed some bulbs) and maybe start decorations. Each night, I've put on Christmas music, and though I didn't have hot cider yesterday, I did the night before. It's been enjoyable for the whole family.

And I especially like doing it in small steps. It strikes me that I used to approach a LOT of things the same way I used to approach eating - gulping it down, got to have it ALL, right now, so fast that I didn't really experience it. Decorating. House and yardwork. Even reading - I'd read a book in one go, staying up way, way too late to finish (and paying for it the next day). Now, I'm doing these things in moderate portions over time, and enjoying the process more. Feel less stressed/driven by the "got to have it all done NOW" mindset.

Just as No-S allows me to enjoy food more than I ever used to, slowing down on other things also allows me to appreciate them more. Decorating this way feels very pleasant... and my current book is being consumed at the rate of a few chapters a night.

[kccc]

Odd day...

Breakfast was a banana and a piece of toasted cheese toast.

Planned to go to a different (shorter) yoga class, because time was short... and missed it. Which meant I also missed lunch at my fave place next door.

So... I did a yoga DVD, one that I find a bit tough, and fixed a "treat lunch" at home. I had some Brie that I'd been "saving," and broke it out. Had Brie and crackers and salad and fruit for lunch. It was delicious.

Then my planned supper got disrupted by an unexpected 10-yr-old guest and my hubby's late night at work. Punted and made tuna melts and fruit. He didn't like that either, of course... oh well. My son and I did.

All in all, a day for snatching victory out of the jaws of defeat. And I got a lot done, too!

[kccc]

Thursday - success

Walking plus abs

Br - yogurt, apple
L - Brie and crackers, orange, figs (had to be a "eat on the run" lunch)
D - Out - went to see the local Christmas parade. Thai stir-fry - really good.

Weighed this morning at 144.5. That's fine, especially with the random meals I've been having.

Christmas parade was enjoyable... cold, but that's okay. Eveyone was cheerful, and the music was particularly good this year. Some of the high school bands are quite impressive! The people in the parade throw out candy to the kids, and I was very pleased to see my 10-year-old son, who was standing a bit in the front with some younger kids, make sure all the little ones around him got candy before he kept any for himself. One of those moments when I feel that we're doing something right.

Today

Short session at the gym - about 20 minutes. More brie and crackers and an apple for breakfast, which was eaten in the car on the way to a meeting. Lunch will be at a work meeting. I'll manage.

Have noticed that I'm walking less - don't know if I'm tired, out of shape, or just have a wintertime slump. But my pedometer is running about 2000 steps/day lower than it normally does. Something to notice and attend to if I can. But I am not going to make myself crazy (crazier?) right now.

[kccc]

Lunch was a ham sandwich on pita, fruit.
Dinner was turkey in gravy on toast, carrots, fruit. Had to be fast so we could run errands.

I very much want chocolate or a treat now. It's Friday. I have a long weekend ahead, going to Mom's.

But. I'm really not hungry. I'm just tired, and feeling like I need/deserve a break, etc.

Just writing that helped. I think I'll go knit while I wait for the laundry, and then go to bed. I can take some chocolate with me for the weekend.

[kccc]

I ate a lot this weekend, especially Sunday. Not to "icky" (which is a marker for me), but definitely in "get it while I can" and "I deserve" mode.

But, in the spirit of noticing progress, I have noticed that I don't continue in that mode until the clock runs out on my S-day, like I used to... in fact, I'm stopping of my own free will prior to "icky." That's good. It's good to have internalized that I don't like icky... maybe at some point, I'll internalize that I don't like mindless eating either, recognize it as "misplaced nurture" and attend to what really needs attending to. Sleep. Meditation. Something fun.

I'm just stretched too thin... and feel like everyone around me is too!!

Still, many good things this weekend. I drove to Mom's on Saturday morning, and had a good visit with them. Took Mom to church (she needs assistance and Dad doesn't go), cooked food for them, and just hung out with Mom and let Dad run some errands. Drove home in time to go to a party with my husband and child. And we made time for relaxation in the evening, with some Christmas music and tree decorating. It looks like an official tree now, even though the decorations are only partially on.

As long as I put one foot in front of the other and enjoy where I am, it's okay. It's when I think of the chain of obligations that I get frazzled (Paarent visits. Christmas shopping. Work. Trip over the holidays. Etc, etc.). I am trying to remember that I "get to" do most of these things, not "have to" do them. (When I'm tired/streessed, I have a bad habit of mentally turning "choices" into "obligations." Have been working on that. Remembering that I do have choices is important.)

One big thing, though... Weekends used to be major exercise time for me, and lately I don't even fit in a basic 15 minutes. That is not good - my body feels it, and I think I'm grumpier when I don't get a little exercise over several days. So, I am setting an intention to work on that -at a low, non-stressful level.

Monday
Yoga class. Wonderful - shakes out all the driving/sitting stiffness

Br - yogurt and clementine.

Other meals TBD, but will try to keep them healthy. I packed a lunch, but think I have a work meal...

[kccc]

Yesterday lunch was a large slice of veggie pizza. Good, but wish I had fruit or salad with it.

Dinner was "deckfast" (breakfast for dinner - my son likes to call it that). An egg, bacon, peaches (canned in juice), biscuit.

Exercise this morning - walking and abs
Breakfast - leftover biscuit and cheese.

Not sure of rest of the day. But need to get to work!

[kccc]

Lunch yesterday was crackers, cheese, and fruit. Okay, but a bit light - need to go grocery shopping.

Then my post-lunch meeting had pizza. I didn't eat any. HOWEVER, it was a good veggie pizza, and I had to work late, so I got two slices for dinner. Ate it a bit earlier than the norm, but had no problem making it through the evening on it.

Ran across an article on "one word resolutions," which I posted in the Off-Topic area. I'm quite taken with the concept, and have been mulling over it.

If you asked me for the word for the past six months, initially I would say "stress." But that's not a very positive word, and it's certainly not an aspiration. On consideration, "acknowledgement" resonates... or acknowledging. Acknowledging life's difficulties, my own limitations, and the fragility of people in general. Acknowledging mortality. Acknowledging that I have done some things less well than I would desire, (even though it was the best I could do). Acknowledging the commonality of my experience. Acknowledging my own feelings/emotions, even when not pleasant. But also... Acknowledging that painful stretches in life frequently open me to growth, like a seed breaking open. Acknowledging the web of connection, multiple sources of help, better ways of coping, and moments of beauty and joy scattered through the difficult times like stars in the night. Noticing (acknowledging) those bright spots make the rest bearable. And acknowledging that ALL this is life. So. Acknowledgement.

Still mulling over the word-to-come. I like the process. "Acknowledgement" came to me as I was walking, with a shock of recognition at how it FIT. I expect that I'll find one that "just fits" for the next span of time. Especially since it holds large changes for me and my family. I really like thinking about it proactively, as an inspiration.

Nice how the options for "resolutions" (or "habits of the month," or whatever) open up once "lose weight" is off the list.

[BrightAngel]

Ran across an article on "one word resolutions,"
I'm quite taken with the concept, and have been mulling over it.
On consideration...Acknowledgement.

For me the word would be either...Awareness, or Accountability.

[kccc]

Here's a copy of the "one word resolution" links I posted on the off-topic thread.

I normally do "Habits of the Month" instead of New Year's Resolutions, but I'm quite taken with this idea:

http://www.happiness-project.com/happin ... -word.html
http://christinekane.com/blog/shout-out ... right-now/

Musing on the appropriate word...

Today's yoga class focused on another of the Anusara principles: Set foundation. Physically, that translates to attention to one's stance, getting the basics right, adjusting and centering. Starting with a firm foundation on which to build a pose. Spiritually, it's also examining one's "stance" - the stands you take, what you stand on, the foundations. Something to think on.

No-S has definitely become one of my foundations, and is sustaining me now.

Oh... food. Lunch was a plate at my fave place. Dinner was chicken, broccoli, fruit, and homemade multigrain bread. All very good.

[kccc]

Exercise - walking plus abs
Br - banana, slice of homemade bread and cheese
L - Cheese and crackers, figs, salad
D - Rotisserie chicken (knew I'd be home late), peas and carrots, salad, bread

I really, really wanted another slice of bread. But... it would have been seconds. When I moved away from the table, I stopped wanting it, and I think I would be wa-ay too full if I'd had it. A lesson there... eat slowly enough that I'm not left sitting in front of an empty plate.

Ready for the end of classes. Not ready for Christmas.

[kccc]

Will be an odd day... Holiday Party Day at work.

Exercise - killer step class
Br - 1/2 bagel, banana
Lunch will be holiday meal... at 2PM. O-kay. I can wait that long. Will have another coffee mid-morning if I need it.
D - TBD. Probably chicken quesadillas, since I have leftover chicken.

Listening and thinking about my "One Word." I have some candidates that I am mulling over....

[kccc]

Okay, failure.

Made it to 2:00 for the holiday lunch. Made it though "lunch" with reasonable portions.

Then, puffed up with pride, I went to the baby shower after...And fell face first into the sweet potato tortilla chips. Had never had them before, wanted to taste... and LOVED them. So, I ate a small plateful (5" plates). And enjoyed them. I'm done now.

Had considered making today an exception day, since it's TWO holiday events. But I didn't choose to do that in advance, and my personal rules call that a fail.

And at least I have "failure events" now, not "failure days." I intend to keep the REST of the day green!

[kccc]

Friday was good.
Saturday was good.
Sunday was... a bit much.

On Sunday morning, my son started running a temp. In the middle of the night, he spiked to 105+ and the NurseLine recommended taking him to the ER. He has now been diagnosed with strep AND flu.

Hubby and I got NO sleep, and are coffee-guzzling zombies. Sick boy is full of energy, now that the meds have brought his temp down. Go figure.

I had planned today off, as my one day to Christmas shop. Hubby and I were going to do that together, almost like a date, and were looking forward to it.

Oh well. This too shall pass.

Exercise - none, for days. Hm.
Br - none, trying to get some sleep and felt too hung over when I got up.
L - brunch-ish stuff. Eggs, sausage, fruit, broccoli, toast. (Was going to be a quiche, but to tired to put it together.)
D - I have 15 bean soup in the crockpot and bread in the breadmaker. I love it when my appliances do the work. Especially when I'm wasted.

Have been to get son's prescriptions; have been to pick up soda (to get him to drink a lot); have been to school to deliver presents, checks, and pick up homework. (And earn "Nicest Mom Ever" points for going by the library to get the next books in his series.) Have been back to the pharmacy to pick up a preventive dose of Tamiflu for me. It is freezing here, and I do not intend to go out again. So there.

Christmas shopping online, here I come.

[ShannahR]

Hi KCCC--
Hope your son is feeling better soon. Hang in there, it's always tough when a loved one is sick!
Too bad about your Christmas shopping--I hope your online hunt goes well. There are some great things about on-line shopping, I like the fact you can do it in your pjs!

[kccc]

Thanks, Shannah. He goes up and down, depending on the level of his fever, but is mostly okay. Since he's generally healthy, I think he just needs time to mend. I'm crossing fingers that none of the rest of us catch it!

Had a late-night snack last night. Definitely comfort food. It was hard to come back to N-days when I was still at home and my schedule was so out of whack from the ER trip. At least I had only one snack, and stayed away from the sweets I was eating on Sunday.

Got in some exercise this morning. Yay!!

[kccc]

Br - apple strata
L - one plate at student center
D - tortellini with pesto, salad, homemade bread

The apple strata was an attempt to use up a bunch of homemade bread and some apples that were a bit old. I cooked the apples as for cinnamon apples (browned in butter and cinnamon, with a tiny bit of honey at the end), layered it with cut-up bread, poured milk/egg over and baked. When it came out, I drizzled a little more honey on top. Not very sweet - it doesn't make it to "pudding" stage at all - but has the same comfort-food quality of bread pudding. Made a nice breakfast.

Lunch...the student center has good food, but the one-plate rule is actually hard to follow because so much is served on separate plates. I managed, but it was rather a light lunch. Good, though.

Son is doing much better, and I am glad. Those high fevers are scary. Knock on wood that improvement continues.

[kccc]

Had to go to work yesterday, but home with Sick Boy today. He is better, and mostly reading or watching old Bugs Bunny cartoons (which he has just discovered) on Netflix. I need to work - grading, my most disliked - and will, but am enjoying the quiet at home right now. Peaceful.

Did a short Pilates routine this morning. I CAN exercise at home if I set an intention to do so. (Though I am sad to miss my normal favorite yoga class today. Oh well.)

Br - apple strata. I looked in the serving bowl and thought "I'll just finish this up," then stopped and served out a portion. Much better choice - there's a serving left.
L - will give son the leftover tortellini from last night (which he loves) and eat either 15 bean soup or PB&J on homemade bread. Have some bananas that need using - may cook them (sauteed bananas are delish - the natural sweetness comes out).
D - TBD. Need to think on that and possibly thaw something. Maybe the leftover 15-bean soup...

Okay, time to work a bit.

[funfuture]

Glad to hear your son's on the mend.

[kccc]

Glad to hear your son's on the mend.

I am glad he's better too... but I have to say, he's more difficult as a result! He doesn't want to take his medicine, he's bored with being indoors with no friends, etc. Normal little boy bouncing off the walls. I am trying to be grateful that he's feeling better and ignore most of the attitude. (Sometimes being "the adult" in a relationship gets trying.)

Lunch yesterday was PB&J, bananas, and salad. Dinner was tuna melts, salad, and cinnamon apples.

Weight was down a bit this morning - 143. My usual range right now is 144-146. I expect that's just a fluke, but wouldn't mind if it wasn't... this range is fine, but I could lose a bit and still be in normal BMI. Not worth "working" on it - sanity is more important to me than fighting my body over a few pounds - but if it "just happens," I'll take it. Like Reinhard says, eat moderately, move moderately, and see what happens.

Br this am - last of the strata.
L will be 15 bean soup, since we didn't have it last night.
D... need to figure that out. Would like to put something in the crockpot this morning so I don't have to think about it later.

[kccc]

Had 15 bean soup, bread, and a small handful of raisins for lunch.

Made a "faux Moo-Shu" dish for dinner, mostly because I had cabbage that needed using. Cut it up with onion, cooked with some pork sirloin chops, and threw in hoisin and soy sauce. Wrapped it in a flour tortilla. Wish I'd had green onions and garlic, but it was still good.

Son is still running a fever and coughing/sneezing a good bit... but it's under the threshold where he notices really notices in terms of how he THINKS he feels. As a result, he is very distressed about not being able to go out or have friends over. Don't blame him - I'm getting stir-crazy myself.

And my grading is done. Yay!!

No exercise today. Have to think about that. There's still time to meet the minimum, and it would feel good.

[kccc]

Didn't exercise yesterday, but made it to yoga class today. Not my fave one, but good.

Br - yogurt
L - pizza. Too much - really counts as seconds
D - plate at my fave place (salad, tofu, garlic potatoes). With a few chips after. The chips were unnecessary, and technically seconds, even though not very many.

Lunch was an issue because the place we were going to go was closed for remodelling, and a pizza buffet that my son and husband like was right next door, so... But. I don't much like that place, and am tired of pizza. Not everyone gets to like everything everytime, though, so I went without fussing, and enjoyed the family time. However, I ate too much because the food was so unsatisfying.

I'm shaking my head (doh!) as I type that last sentence, but really, that's exactly the dynamic. It's like my body (or mind, or whatever) is LOOKING for something satisfying, and thinking "if I have more of this..."

Then in the evening, I fell into "it's Friday of a hard week, and hey, I've blown it anyway..." and had some chips. Then I decided I'd start my S-day early and have whatever I wanted.

And found I didn't really want anything, except some time to relax.

Well, okay then.

[kccc]

S-day. So far, just yogurt. But my mornings tend to be more "normal."

I have a ham in the oven for lunch. So nice to have it just there, knowing it will be ready. Haven't had ham in ages, and saw one on sale at the store and got it. Takes so long to cook, but then I can freeze the cooked meat and have instant meals later - excellent!

Posted about the "food was so bad... and portions so small" dynamic (about wanting to overeat b/c the food is not satisfying). Figuring out what WOULD be satisfying is a very powerful strategy. That's important to remember. Last night, when I asked "what do I want?" and listened, I got a non-food answer. Not sure I would have noticed that in the past.

So. Ham. I have some sweet potatoes, too. Got some salad to use up, too. Too late to make real bread. Maybe biscuits? Yes, then I can have ham and biscuits from the leftovers. I'll make extra for that.

And maybe I'll do some Christmas baking today. Or not. I get to choose.

[thtrchic]

I'm really glad to see you getting some time for yourself and general home things. It's really nice to see you getting to bake or not without consequence.

Hope your Saturday ended up being great.

Julie

[kccc]

Thanks, Julie. It was a lovely weekend!

Mostly ate decent food over the weekend, plus Trader Joe's Lacey cookies - my new fave!! - and some homemade Danish Wedding Cookies that I make for my husband every Christmas. Not too bad, overall.

And now Monday. This week will be the hardest. There are two parties, one tonight and one tomorrow. Plus I intend to bake and have a hard time not tasting. Hm. Might do a "holiday mod" of one cookie per batch (that's "batch" as in type, not as in "pan"). Kind of like the vacation mod.
We'll see. I have been so good this December that a few S-events won't hurt as long as they are contained. Key words there: FEW and CONTAINED. Only S-worthy holiday treats, only truly special things that I will truly enjoy. And certainly no more than one per day.

Did get in some exercise. Yoga class Friday, 30 minutes of Wii Dance on Saturday, yoga dvd on Sunday - plus yard work. Not as much as I'd like, but not bad.