Joelle's Check-in

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:51 pm

So, this is my 2nd week. This is my first Green day this week. I got a little thrown by the S days, but now I'm back on track. I can't get over what a difference not snacking makes for me. When I was on plans where I ate 6 times a day, I was constantly thinking about food. Now that I have limited opportunities to eat, coupled with the fact that when I do eat, I get to have something I really want to eat, my brain is freed up to think about other things. Yay! I would love to lose a lot of weight, but I think feeling sane about food might be an even bigger pay-off. I am excited to see where this takes me.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:16 am

my brain is freed up to think about other things. Yay!

Joelle,

I totally agree! YAY!

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:48 pm

Hi blueskighs,
I love your blog. Talk about being conscious of what you're eating! Taking beautiful pictures and blogging about it is as conscious as it gets. You are an inspiration! Your blog is also a good illustration of why I love No S-we are encouraged to enjoy and be excited about what we eat. No more shame and hiding and eating junk.

I know I've only been at this a short time, but I can't get over how different I feel. It's like No S-ing turns off the destructive, crazy parts of my brain. I thought the strictness of the program would make me rebel (like I always did in the past), but the strictness means there's nothing for me to be sneaky or tricky with. So easy! I even feel less ashamed about my weight because my eating is no longer something to be ashamed of. I sound like a zealot, I know, but I'm happy.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:04 pm

but the strictness means there's nothing for me to be sneaky or tricky with. So easy! I even feel less ashamed about my weight because my eating is no longer something to be ashamed of. I sound like a zealot, I know, but I'm happy

Joelle,
I find that too! You really put it well, there is no more any reasons for me to be sneaky or tricky about what I eat. And also the hook about being ashamed about what I eat linking to the shame about what I weigh.

I am kind of a zealot too and decided to let that be ok!

I am glad you love my blog. I have gotten a lot out of doing it and I am glad that other people get something out of it too!

Have a great day,

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:10 pm

So, the one and only tweak I am making to No S is that Friday and Saturday are my S days. I want a day when I'm off work (Sunday) to get back into the groove before I start the next work week. Monday mornings are a real weak spot for me. I work at a coffee shop and I am extremely vulnerable to fresh baked goods when I roll in at 5:30 a.m. So, a day to re-establish habit before another week of early morning temptation seems to be a good idea.
I love No S. Thank you, Reinhard. I wish I had some sort of Humanitarian Award I could present to you.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:29 pm

Woo-hoo! I just put on pants that I could not get up 2 weeks ago! *I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance!*

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:03 am

Joelle,

all that *dance dance dance* sounds like *fun fun fun*

thank you for your kind words on my Daily Check-In
have a great weekend,

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:01 am

I just came home from an emotionally charged family gathering that ended in an argument with my husband. I sat at the kitchen table wishing I could just stuff my face (and all those cruddy feelings) and was struck by the realization that there was nothing I could eat that would help. Somehow that realization was more painful than what I was already feeling. I have lost my hiding place. Part of me is excited, knowing that this is a big breakthrough for me, but mostly I just want to cry.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:48 pm

I woke up this morning still a little raw from Saturday, thinking things like maybe pancakes aren't an S food if I don't use syrup... I knew exactly where I was going with that line of thinking. If I screwed up breakfast, maybe this could just be an extra S day and I could do whatever I want for the rest of the day. And then I thought about wanting to make 21 days of habit and about wanting a green square for this day. So, I made oatmeal with dried cranberries. I feel relieved, knowing that by the end of today, I will be safely back in N day mode.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:49 pm

Somehow that realization was more painful than what I was already feeling. I have lost my hiding place. Part of me is excited, knowing that this is a big breakthrough for me, but mostly I just want to cry.

Joelle,

I learned when I was doing Shrink Yourself a few months ago that food/binging/dieting-restricting has been a big hiding place in my life since I was four.

When I was about twelve I went to a girl's confirmation party. She was about 8. When we got there the house was packed with people, adults and chidren of all ages and sizes. The girl of honor was hiding in the closet. I went in there to give her her present. She was a beautiful little girl and she had on a beautiful dress, but throughout the party she remained in the closet surrounded by her stack of presents.

When we were driving home my stepmother went on and on about how rude the girl was and how awful she was that she didn't come out of the closet.

I didn't realize that until I did Shrink Yourself I wanted to be "the girl in the closet" food/binging/dieting-restricting did that for me. Since then I have learned to "go in the closet" when I need to and it feels so much better to just recognize I am not always "up" I am not always "available" and I don't always want to "connect" in fact some times I really do just want to disconnect.

Now that I have accepted that about myself and learned to disconnect without using food/binging/dieting-restricting, my life is more fulfilling and when I am with people I am actually more present and enjoy their company.

So I guess what I am sharing is that, needing a hiding place, IMHO is ok and maybe you can just find another one that doesn't have any negative side effects

BTW what a great success and insight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:02 pm

Blueskighs,

Thanks for the kind words. It means a lot to feel understood.

Have a great day,
Joelle

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:33 pm

Last night I woke up at 12:30 so hungry I could not get back to sleep! Finally at 2:30 I made a cup of warm milk which did the trick. I hear murmurs of dissent from the inner ranks. They would like very much to forget this whole thing and just EAT. I find myself thinking things like I have too much weight to lose to go this slowly and I'm hungry all the time (which isn't even true). But I know that for me, a diet will only mean a temporary weight loss, if any, and then I will gain it back plus more. So, even if No S does nothing more than keep me from gaining, I am better off than the torture of another diet. And I know this program offers me so much more than that. Every day that I stick with it does wonders for my sense of integrity and self-control. I would never have believed I could get through the night without getting up and eating-a lifelong habit, gone in 3 days. That is miraculous. So there is no way I'm going to give in. I am writing this off to growing pains and am gonna focus on racking up green days and see where this journey takes me. Day 7 of 21 building habit.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:53 pm

Every day that I stick with it does wonders for my sense of integrity and self-control.

and that is a LOT! and a foundation to really build your future on, it sounds like you have really gotten the spirt of No S!

Sounds like you did amazing with your glass of milk last night, I am so happy for you,

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:10 pm

What a great spirit of encouragement you have, Blueskighs. I see your posts all over the message boards and am impressed by how much you do to acknowledge everyone's efforts. We are lucky to have you!

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:51 pm

Feeling kind of quiet today, but still on habit. Started incorporating exercise yesterday. I love making green boxes on the HabitCal. Day 8 of 21 building habit.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:16 am

Day 9 of 21. Yesterday was a success. Today is, too, so far. I forgot how much I like the feeling of having exercised. Sometimes not so gung-ho to actually do it, but there is a payoff at the end physically and mentally. Also, having my main meal at lunch and then high-fiber cereal for dinner seems to work for me.
Found a huge lump in my dog's stomach today. It's freaking me out.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:27 pm

Day 10 of 21. Today is an S day for me.
Last night I really wanted to eat something before bed. I sat there and debated having a cup of cereal vs. having to start over on my 21 days. I chose to go to bed a little hungry and stay on track. Knowing today would be an S day helped, but I really want to make 21 days in a row. I can't remember the last time I stayed on a diet that long without messing up. No S makes it easier, of course, because it has "messing up" built into it. I can't overstate how empowering I find No S. In a weird way, it's not even about weight loss right now. It's as if by sticking to the program, I am rewiring my brain and that will make it possible for me to lose weight.
But, as an added bonus, I have lost 5 lbs.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 8:33 pm

Found a huge lump in my dog's stomach today. It's freaking me out.

hope your puppy is ok!

I can't overstate how empowering I find No S. In a weird way, it's not even about weight loss right now. It's as if by sticking to the program, I am rewiring my brain and that will make it possible for me to lose weight.

VERY WELL PUT!

and great success in "just going to bed"!

Blueskighs

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:14 pm

You're doing great Joelle

Good work!
Peace,

Debs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:48 am

Thanks Blueskighs and Deb! Hope you're both having a nice weekend.
Today is day 11 of 21 (over the hump, wah-hoo!) and an S day. Going BBQ some corn on the cob-YUM.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:27 am

Day 12 - I felt so sick and exhausted all day, but I stuck to it as far as food goes. I didn't exercise.
Day13- feel much better. All is well. Food=ok, exercise=ok.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:02 pm

Day 14-failure. It took a lot of mental wrangling for me to post that. I was doing all kind of fancy talking-maybe I need to make my own plan (cuz that has worked so well in the past!), maybe I don't have to check in every day, maybe I am too overweight to eat enough in 3 meals, blah,blah,blah. I ate 2 snacks yesterday. A piece of banana bread at work and a cup of cereal before bed. The rest of the day was fine, I ate my 3 meals of decent food. I didn't freak out and binge and chuck the plan like I always have done in the past. I was super hungry yesterday. I ate. Moving on. I'm not gonna start over on my 21 days. I'm just gonna include the red days.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:34 pm

day 15 went well. Tracking exercise seems to make me not want to do it. Feels like a "have to." So, I'm just not tracking it anymore. Today (day 16) is going well. Tomorrow is an S day for me. Whew.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:32 pm

Day 17 and all is well. I bought new pants today-one size smaller! Woo-hoo! I am enjoying my S day.
Yesterday I set the timer for 14 minutes and just started moving. What came back to me were the barre exercises I did in dance class as a kid. I was so happy doing them and I felt such a difference in my posture today. I ordered the NYC Ballet workout on Netflix. I just don't want to do anything that feels like diets or workouts from the past. This isn't a diet. This feels like my "real" life, not something I'm doing to earn a "real" life. I find that I no longer wait to do things. I went swimming with my kids in a crowded public pool. I smile and look people in the eye. I went and got new clothes and didn't feel guilty. I am asking for what I want and need. I feel like a different person. I feel awake. This is the best thing that I have ever done for myself. It has changed what years of agony and therapy and wasted money could not do. It has healed my relationship with food and with my body.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:01 pm

I have been having a rough time of it. I haven't had a green day yet this week. Part of me wants so much to give up, to say I can't do this. I have lost over 100 lbs twice and have regained more each time. I am just sad. I don't want to be like this forever, but I am so afraid of gaining again. I love the feeling of N days, of not thinking about food all day long, of actually being hungry at mealtimes. I think I am not ready for sweets on my S days. I don't seem to be able to eat them in a non-idiotic fashion and I feel so tired and cranky by the end of the 2nd day that it is hard to get back into the rhythm of the N days. I need that feeling of comfort and sanity more than I need dessert right now. This week, I will try just snacks and seconds on S days.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:04 pm

When I posted the last comment, I happened to read the one above it. I was so happy. I had just bought smaller pants. I used the word "healed." Then after the S days, I am miserable and crying and want to quit. Yeah, maybe no sugar for me.

Adagia · Post by **Adagia** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:31 pm

Hang in there and see all the things you've learned about yourself and food. Making changes to habits we've had for so long is very difficult and will take time, and a good amount of will power. Just don't beat yourself up when you slip. Instead, congratulate yourself when you can pick yourself up and "get back on that horse". This is my gazillioneth attempt at changing my eating habits. My analytical mind says it's the right thing to do - now I just have to get the rest of my brain to agree.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:58 pm

Hi Adagia,

Thanks for the encouragement. I just need to let go of the false hope that "quick" diets hold out. Like you, the rational part of my mind knows this. It is hard to keep the emotional aspect out of the way sometimes. I'm not giving up, though. As crazed as I get, I feel much more "normal" about eating than I ever have.

Thanks again,
Joelle

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:31 pm

Ok, I feel like crap. My depression has decided to show me who's boss, and unfortunately, it's not me! At times I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate, other times I'm so tired I can't move, sometimes I ache in every joint of my body. I have dealt with this since I was fourteen, but the panic is a new thing. Whee. I keep telling myself it will pass. I keep telling myself that this is my brain chemistry out of whack. It is hard to wait for it to pass. At times I find myself so tied up in distress over what I am feeling that it is hard to get through the day. I am scared that this feeling won't go away and my heart will just burst from fear and anxiety. It really is a horrible feeling. As much as I sometimes resent needing to take medication for it, I sure would like said medication to kick in and do its job RIGHT NOW.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 7:25 pm

I feel awake.

Joelle,

glad you are hanging in, even though you are having a difficult time right now. when i was reading your thread when I read what you wrote ... I AM AWAKE... i thought YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

I have faith in you.
Please don't give up!

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:16 pm

Thanks for the kind words, Blueskighs. It's so nice to see you back here!

I am feeling better every day. I have been trying to be gentle with myself and eat high-quality food to support my brain. I plan to start No S-ing in earnest again on Sunday. Even though I haven't stuck to the plan during the last couple of weeks, I haven't binged or gained anything back. That is a big deal for me.

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:15 pm

Ok, so now both my kids are in school (!) and I am working 5:30 am to 1:00 pm with only a 15 minute break. I can't eat before work because I take thyroid medication first thing in the morning and can't eat for an hour afterward. I am trying to come up with a strategy that allows me to eat a reasonable amount of food at work so I don't freak out when I get home.

Someone brought up lap-band surgery like it was just an obvious solution for me. I want to prove them wrong with no S.

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:51 am

Joelle,

Your schedule does sound challenging. I don't have any great ideas, but if I think of something I'll let you know.

Seems like you need to eat something in that fifteen minutes that easy to prepare, quick to eat, but also fulfilling and satisfying.....

Hmmmmm.... I am doing a yogurt thing at night I do a cup of yogurt with scoop of protien powder and my monavie juice. It works well to eat and is easy to throw together and clean up? Does anything like that sound appealing to you at all?

Blueskighs

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 12:11 pm

Joelle,

I don't have any words of wisdom...just wanted to chime in and let you know you have another cheerleader in your corner....

You may not feel as if you've made the progress you want to, but as I read over your posts, you are making more healthy choices than you realize. On the days when you are thinking about just today, you seem to be more content...more encouraged....it seems that those "There's too much to accomplish, I'll fail anyway," thoughts plague you and discourage you. But life is not lived tomorrow...life is lived today...just today. You ARE successful...you already ARE making good choices...and you ARE a wonderful, changing person. I'm not pretending to know you, or know what you need based on the glimmer I've read, but I see success in your life...go for it Joelle....

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:10 pm

Howfunisthat, your words really touched me! Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me. You're right, when I stay in the present, I am usually ok. It's when I start looking too far ahead that I get overwhelmed. Thanks for seeing the progress in my bumpy journey!

Blueskighs, Hi, thanks for writing. I am trying your Breakfast of Champions (2 eggs and whole grain cereal). What is Monavie? I'm intrigued and must google it now! BTW, your kitty-boys are the cutest!

Have a great day, Everyone!

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:33 pm

Joelle,

monavie is what they call a "functional beverage"

it is basically a fruit juice with nineteen fruits and acai berry ... mostly I take it because macular degeneration runs in my family and fruits are most preventative for that ... also it tastes good, so basically it is a whole fruit juice with no added sugar.

hope you like your breakfast, it really satisfies and can tide me over til WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY in the afternoon on those days I need it to,

I thought howfunisthats post on your thread was great too!!!!!!!!!

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:39 am

I just re-read my check-in to try to figure out why I got derailed. As I read it hit me: birthday trip. My husband has been planning a trip to Europe for my 40th in January. The thought of going makes me feel nervous-will I fit in the seat belt? Am I going to be embarrassed the whole time? So, I was trying to find ways to speed the weight loss and ended up getting depressed and chucking No S altogether. I decided to give myself the gift of time. No trip. I want next year (as well as the rest of this one) to work on No S. I may still have a lot of weight left to lose by my 41st b-day, but I think that all that time of building No S habits will put me in a much better place mentally so I could actually enjoy the trip. No S had me feeling better than I have in a very long time-hopeful, sane. I want that feeling back more than any gift I could receive. There are no shortcuts.

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:01 pm

Joelle,

I just stopped by here 'cause I didn't know if you'd catch my "thank you" for posting on my check-in....so here I am. THANK YOU! for your comment...it's always so nice to know someone is there cheering you on.

And what a great decision to delay your trip! I lived in Austria for a couple of years & you're so smart to wait until you feel ready to go. Europe is wonderful, but to see great parts of it, there's a lot of walking & dragging your luggage. Can you imagine how triumphant you'll feel when you are ready to go? I can just see it as a victory trip!!! And that's even better than a birthday trip!

Thanks again for posting on my check-in....I'm encouraged by every kind comment around here.

Take care! janie

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:30 am

Joelle,

what a powerful insight and great that you are following through!

After two very disruptive years with moving, traveling and house guests I told my husband this year NO TRAVEL

fortunately he has been okay with that, it has allowed me to focus on some work that is really important to me without being interrupted and build a great foundation in NO S. sometimes we just need to give ourselves the times we need to slow down and deal with things, we'll be traveling next year, at least once

and I am actually looking forward to it,

Blueskighs

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:40 pm

Hi Janie and Blueskighs,

Thanks for the kind words. I am excited to be back on track. Today has felt so good. Hope you're both having great days.

P.S. Janie, your beads are gorgeous!

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:19 am

Joelle,

My beads! LOL....so where do I know you from? Are you a lampworker? Jewelry maker? How fun is that?!!! I thought about using a different username, but ya never know...it's great fun to run into someone who loves beads!!! Oh...and thank for the compliment...I LOVE melting glass!

Janie

Joelle · Post by **Joelle** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:08 am

You mentioned in a post that your screen name was your business name so I looked for you on Etsy and, ta-da! I can definitely see the appeal of melting glass. I would be totally hypnotized and burn the house down!

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:06 am

Joelle,

It IS mesmerizing! I'm completely addicted & am so glad I found an artistic outlet...I don't have as much time to devote to it as I want, but I enjoy every minute I have melting glass. Thanks for looking up my shop....Etsy has been wonderful for me.

So do you make jewelry? I only make items for myself & my friends....I'm too busy trying to find time to torch...but someday I'd love to add that to the list of things to do.

Hope you have a great day Joelle...

janie