The Blessings of Simplicity

[Kathleen]

December 18, 2011: The Many Point Diet

Switching to The 7 Secrets of Slim People



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0 (My goal is to weigh 132 pounds.)

Restart:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Friday, December 23, 2011: 210.0

Day 1 – Thursday, December 8, 2011: 208.0
Day 2 – Friday, December 9, 2011: 207.8
Day 3 – Saturday, December 10, 2011: 207.2
Day 4 – Sunday, December 11, 2011: 207.2
Day 5 – Monday, December 12, 2011: 207.0
Day 6 – Tuesday, December 13, 2011:
Day 7 – Wednesday, December 14, 2011:
Day 8 – Thursday, December 15, 2011:
Day 9 – Friday, December 16, 2011:
Day 10 – Saturday, December 17, 2011: 210.2

Day 1 – Sunday, December 18, 2011: 210.0
Day 2 – Monday, December 19, 2011: 209.8
Day 3 – Tuesday, December 20, 2011: 209.8
Day 4 – Wednesday, December 21, 2011: 208.8
Day 5 – Thursday, December 22, 2011: 209.6

Day 1 – Friday, December 23, 2011: 2010.0
Day 2 – Saturday, December 24, 2011:
Day 3 – Sunday, December 25, 2011:
Day 4 – Monday, December 26, 2011:
Day 5 – Tuesday, December 27, 2011:
Day 6 – Wednesday, December 28, 2011:
Day 7 – Thursday, December 29, 2011:
Day 8 – Friday, December 30, 2011:
Day 9 – Saturday, December 31, 2011:



Day 1 – Tuesday, December 6, 2011: It's a good day to restart my diet. Today is the Feast of St. Nicholas, and the kids are not too old to receive candy in their shoes! Do such traditions cause obesity? Of course not! It's the day in and day out habits of overeating that cause obesity.

The No S Diet is about changing day in and day out habits. I am going through a different book now, an out of print book called Act Thin, Stay Thin. In it, I am trying to get to the root cause of my overeating, and I am observing my eating behavior to find that there is one main reason: procrastination! I just had a bowl of ice cream to put off for a few minutes cleaning up dishes now that I'm back from my evening runs of activities. Now I face dishes. What I need is not some rule to have me not eat except at mealtimes. What I need to do is to allow myself to eat as much as I want after I'm done with chores! God, I'd be slim with that approach!!!



Day 1 – Thursday, December 8, 2011: I have searched and searched for the origin of the idea of "perfect compliance" as an idea for weight control, and I finally found it in the book Act Thin, Stay Thin. The term used is "perfect consistency" (page 94), and it concerns changing your body's expectation regarding eating cues.

This book is based on the idea that everyone is an individual and it is important to tailor the weight loss approach to the individual. One size does not fit all. It is also about building habits by being so consistent that you automatically follow the new habits.

I think this is right. The No S Diet was about building a habit, but it was a habit that was insufficient for me to lose a lot of weight for two reasons: 1) I wouldn't limit myself to one plateful, and 2) I would eat to make absolutely sure I wasn't hungry before the next meal. That's the cautious personality in me.

No -- I need to strike out and figure out habits which would work for me. I think I should consider changing one per month. I will start with one: chew each bite 10 times. Next month, I can add one habit.

Day 2 – Friday, December 9, 2011: I think I'm going to allow myself to make one change every Sunday. My focus is on habit which I can follow with "perfect consistency".

I think I'm returning to what I called the SET diet, only slightly modified:
Was "Sit at table or desk": Now is "Sit at table"
Was "Eat without reading": Now is "Eat without reading"
Was "take small bites": Now is "Chew each bite ten times:

Day 3 – Saturday, December 10, 2011: I remember now that sitting at table did not work well for parties, but I can follow that idea at home. Current rules:
1. Sit at table when home.
2. Eat without reading.
3. Chew each bite 10 times and don't prepare the next bite until your mouth is empty.
I'll get there. The key is to create rules which I am willing to follow with perfect consistency.

Day 4 – Sunday, December 11, 2011: I'm going to start wearing my pedometer every week and aim for an average of 10,000 steps per day. I'm also going to do the strengthening exercises. These are enough habits for me to follow with perfect consistency.

Day 5 – Monday, December 12, 2011: I did not have anything to eat after breakfast until 2 when I got a leftover bagel from the lunchroom area. At dinner, I took the kids to Wendys and wolfed down the meal in the car. Meanwhile, my number of steps was less than 5,000. Hold on. Too much. I am going to concentrate on making a strict habit of chewing each bite 10 times and worry about everything else, including my weight, later.

Day 6 – Tuesday, December 13, 2011: I found out today there isn't budget for me to return to work next year. Too bad: Tom's car cost us $700 for new tires last week, and now we need to pay $3,800 for a new transmission. There goes my income which was to be set aside for college expenses next year! I've concluded I should try three rules only for a time:
1. Sit at table when home.
2. Eat without reading.
3. Chew each bite 10 times.

That's enough.

Day 7 – Wednesday, December 14, 2011: I don't know what I did for food yesterday. I picked up sushi at Costco. The tomatoes, kiwi, and lettuce are still on the table. The house is a disaster. I have today and tomorrow to finish up my project, and I'm doing my best despite major changes in a meeting yesterday morning: the solution architect had not been correct about the capabilities of the system. It wasn't my fault the documentation was incorrect, but it's mine to fix. My job is over tomorrow, but I'm determined to walk out that door tomorrow with everything done. I did the same thing back in May when I was there until 6:30 PM finishing up. Oh well... It probably makes it more likely I'll return there, and they've treated me well.

Lesson learned for dieting? I need a way to manage food intake that can be on automatic pilot. I think I've got it, but I just have to develop the habits and that takes effort, effort that wills tart on Saturday morning.

There is one more rule I'm trying to follow but I cannot quite get it defined in words. It is something like this: Prepare the next bite of food after completing chewing and swallowing the previous bite. For example, when I ate cereal just now, I put the spoon against the cereal bowl until I had chewed and swallowed the bite of food in my mouth. Only then did I put the spoon into the cereal bowl and get another spoonful of cereal. Before I was so much more efficient: the second I finished a bite, I had another spoonful of cereal prepared and just had to open my mouth the put the spoonful in!

Day 9 – Friday, December 16, 2011: The job is done, and I am thrilled! I don't think I'll have much trouble finding a job going forward. Meanwhile, I think I need to build the habits I need to be healthy.

Day 10 – Saturday, December 17, 2011: "The truth shall set you free." I stepped on the scale for the first time since Monday and am up more than 3 pounds. It's been a wild ride this week and I let go of all restraint with eating. I just plain didn't pay attention. Now I'm not sure I can squeeze into any blue jeans. I am planning now on five practices:
1. Eat at table when home.
2. Eat without reading when home.
3. Chew each bite 10 times.
4. Prepare the next bite after swallowing the food in my mouth.
5. Weigh myself every day when home.

In addition, now that I am not working, I plan to walk 10,000 steps per day and do the strengthening exercises.

2 PM: Despite my good intentions to start again today, I ended up with a bowl of popcorn and was eating it away from the table and without waiting between bites. Selection of a diet, perhaps, is not so important as commitment to the diet. It is after marraige that you see your spouse's humanity, but still that person has become your spouse and you are committed to that person.

Can I commit to this diet? Yes. I think I need to allow myself exceptions when sick, since I might eat in bed, but other than that I can do it.

10:30 PM: I really need to pay attention and get a diet nailed down. Today was a busy day, and Anne got accepted into the most prestigious Catholic university in the country. Still, I know that her future would be much brighter if I could show her the way with her weight management. I think I have the answer but there is a certain inertia involved in settling on permanent habits to which I plan to be committed for life. It may be I should just make the commitment for a year. One year. I think I can handle that. After all, I made the commitment for life to The No S Diet until I never got below 196.6.

OK. One year.


Day 1 – Sunday, December 18, 2011: A nice round number of 210 pounds for yet another Day 1. Here is my one year plan:
1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day for the entire year.
2. Do the strengthening exercises 150 times in the coming year.
3. Except for social reasons or because I am sick, eat at table when home.
4. Eat without reading when home.
5. Chew each bite 10 times.
6. Prepare the next bite after swallowing the one in my mouth.
7. Weight myself every day I am home.

Day 2 – Monday, December 19, 2011: Yesterday was stressful. Tom was upset at how little I had purchased for Christmas. I did get too wrapped up in doing my best at work and dropped the ball at home, but I have all this week to prepare for Christmas. In the meantime, I got a Teaching Company course on stress. I need it! Anne does not belong at the U of M, but can we afford the school that accepted her? I told her that she can always come back to the U if she doesn't like it or we can't afford it, but she would have more of a college experience if she went away to school.

I don't think I'll need to jobhunt too much now that I've earned a good reputation with a leading placement firm. What I need to do is get things in order at home, and I need to be committed to exercise. Yesterday, I walked more than 11,000 steps. It felt good. I think the eating rules will result in my eating less naturally just because I don't want to bother with eating if I have to sit down, chew each bite 10 times, and not prepare the next bite until I've finished the one in my mouth. This plan is so similar to one I had followed years ago, but I followed it during Thanksgiving week when I was at my in'law's house and all we ever do up there is sit around, talk, and eat. I had no trouble eating large amounts of food under those circumstances. Here at home, and especially when I'm working, I won't have time to overeat.

This realization supports my new-founded view that there is no such thing as a one size fits all diet. A diet needs to be customized. Based on what I know about myself, I have developed a diet I think will work for me and I can follow for life. At minimum, I can follow it for a year.

One great stress reducer is that we will be dogsitting a golden retriever during Christmas week. What a terrific dog. I told Tom it was one of the best Christmas gifts he could have given me -- to let us dogsit that dog again. She is very much in your face, with her tail swishing at 5:30 in the morning to get taken out, but what an adorable dog. I can hardly wait!

Day 3 – Tuesday, December 20, 2011: The older kids had a late start for school, so I didn't get up until almost 7 AM. If I had gotten up earlier, I bet my weight would have been higher. I was tired when I got up, in part, because I woke up with a pain in my left hand. I took off my wedding ring. Then I lay awake thinking about whether or not this plan would work. I thought back to someone who has not posted since 2008 (Blueskighs) and how she thought you should only eat twice per day. I decided to add to my list of goals that I would only eat twice per day 150 times in the next year.

The dog, meanwhile, has adjusted well to the idea of lots of walks and is pestering me to take her on her first walk today.

3:45 PM: I concluded that diets end due to exhaustion and that is what would happen if I tried to limit the number of times I eat. Instead, I'm back to the diet I started yesterday. The dog really likes all the walks!

Day 4 – Wednesday, December 21, 2011: I changed the diet again but am keeping the count because the start date was an even 210 pounds and I am likely to change again. I thought about the idea of diet exhaustion and think that the only way to avoid it is to diet with what you do rather than what you don't do. As a result, I lifted the restriction of eating only at the table.

Day 5 – Thursday, December 22, 2011: At this absurdly high weight, I am still optimistic that I am getting closer and closer to the reality that exhaustion sets in if you focus on what you should not do. Instead, I need to be proactive and look at what I should do. The dog super likes this approach!

Day 1 – Friday, December 23, 2011: Our Pepper was barking at something around 2 AM, and then I could not fall back asleep. When I was awake, I realized my left hand really hurt, so this morning in the bathtub I took off my ring. I have gotten too fat for my wedding ring. That is very disturbing.

In my search for a diet, I have now gone back to what is an out of print book, and Tom thought that fact was telling in itself. This book is called The 7 Secrets of Slim People. Yesterday, while walking the dog, I thought back probably more than a decade to a book that I think was by Tim Penney, a moderate political type here in Minnesota. In the book, the author discusses the black and white nature of the abortion debate and the generally self-defeating approach of being against something.

I also recall reading somewhere that those who successfully lose weight are those who focus on health rather that losing weight. That is a positive goal -- health -- rather than a negative goal -- losing weight.

My reasoning led me back to that book, The 7 Secrets of Slim People, because it is about positive about positive goals. I have, at least for the moment, given up on The No S Diet, so I'm not sure I should be posting here.

[oolala53]

When a thin person says she eats as much as she wants, it is a different "as much" as the typical overweight person. Most thin people have a different definition of what full or stuffed is. Most of them hate the feeling of being stuffed. And most of them will routinely wait a long time to have a meal, if necessary. If they have to wait longer for dinner one day, they just get hungier and wait. They will leave even food they love on their plate when they are full.

If eating as much as you want routinely means eating when you are not actually hungry and beyond full or even slightly less than full, you will not lose weight.

In the meantime, when you are intermittantly reinforcing the habit of overeating, eating just because you have an urge that has nothing to do with hunger, responding to environmental cues, etc., you are making that habit stronger and stretching out the time it takes to help establish and solidify the habit of allowing yourself to get hungry several times a day by eating moderate amounts and then waiting an appropriate amount of time.


I spent years looking at why I ate. It wasn't until No S that I realized that it didn't matter. The best way to cut the cord between multiple reasons to eat and eating was to surrender to the one-plate 3-meal structure. I won't ever be able to remove all the reasons I would like to eat. On N days, most N days, they are irrelevant. The problems don't go away. The random eating has. I eat my meals, some light, some heavier. I get hungry, I satisfy the hunger. It is ten times easier (not easy to start) than anything else I've done and that includes several years wasted trying to just read my body's signals. It is too easy to lie to yourself or to just not be sensitive enough. Besides, on that system, I was routinely getting hungry even fewer times per day because I would overeat the wrong foods all the time. Do you think you can get used to that?


Then again all the experimentation did finally make me see the futility of the other methods for me.

[Kathleen]

oolala53,
The reason why I am still posting is I may return to The No S Diet. One of my favorite lines in the book has to do with asking yourself Is it mealtime? or Am I hungry for a cookie? You can fool yourself into believing you are hungry but not that it is or is not a mealtime.
Kathleen

[oolala53]

Exactly. Sometimes you are not even fooling yourself! you might even be hungry. But are you hungry enough? That kind of dickering drove me crazy. When I first got introduced to the idea of letting hunger decide, the proponents said we often eat at mealtime just because it is supposedly time to eat whether we are hungry or not. Well, I realized after years that the reason I wasn't hungry at mealtime was because I was eating haphazardly whenever I thought I was hungry enough and then wasn't hungry at the mealtime.

When I consistently eat a moderate meal that most often includes about half the plate of freggies (this came over a long period of time, too), I am hungry at mealtimes. This still allows for plenty of meat, starch and fat. Sometimes I'll look at my plate and have a twinge of thinking I will want more, but by the time I finish chewing it all-- and I do take my time-- it is plenty.

When I eat richer foods, I am only really hungry for two meals a day, with perhaps what would be called a snack or very light meal later. If I eat the richer meal in the evening, I often am hungry for only two meals the next day. (I've had to admit this after many many wild S days. ) However, I like getting hungry more often than that most of the time. And I don't consistently feel good if I eat more than that. That's why I actually like my N days. I choose to eat small-to-moderate portions of dense foods because that lets me get hungry often enough to enjoy three good meals! But I also enjoy having the freedom to choose a sumptuous meal sometimes, and it's usually weekends because I don't have to go back to work soon! Or I can afford to eat brunch later in the morning also because I don't have to be at work.

I believe most people will be affected by fleeting thoughts of the desirability of food quite often. We might get to the point where we automatically say no between meals, but that doesn't mean the food might not look good or we might have a thought to go ahead and have some. But ultimately declining the food even when it looks good does not necessarily have to be torture, especially when you have many, many experiences of feeling physically GOOD (not morally) from eating about the right amount and waiting until really hungry to eat again. I don't buy every item I see that I might like to have. I pick and choose according to my need, budget, and pleasure. I don't spend much time thinking about the things I didn't get or worry a lot about the extras I might not get in the future. I think we can be that way about food, too. We don't have to feel deprived forever with little just because we went through some deprivation we felt was forced on us before. It can turn out that small amounts we CHOOSE are enough.

[Kathleen]

oolala53,
That idea of not having to belly gaze was very attractive to me; however, I am very cautious, and I think part of my reason for not losing a lot of weight on The No S Diet is that I ate large meals in order to make sure I wasn't hungry before the next meal. I think following some rules for how I eat could work well for me.
Kathleen

[oolala53]

I'm sorry I don't know all of your history. Did you actually go through a period of weeks or months eating only three meals a day on weekdays, but those meals remained large enough to prevent you from getting hungry between them? And you did not lose weight during that period

So what do you think about getting hungry now? Is it something you still feel you want to avoid?

[Kathleen]

oolala53,

You ask a very thoughtful question. In answering it, I will bring up that a very high percent of those who survived Nazi death camps went on to become and stay obese. Why? They never could forget the years of starvation. While it may seem laughable that a person who constantly diets would be like someone who was in a Nazi death camp, I think the analogy may hold. I spent many years dieting successfully, and it all collapsed in 2002. It was a time of great stress for me, with four children ages 6 and under. In retrospect, I think the collapse would have happened sooner or later. I think I just could no longer stand facing dieting starvation.

The No S Diet did get my eating normalized, and I did stop the steady increase in weight. The problem was that I just could not get over the fear of hunger, and so I ate lots at every meal and never got below 195.

Now what? I think my best bet is to create habits that naturally depress my eating because it is more bother to eat than it is worth it. There is more effort involved in chewing each bite 10 times than in just mindlessly wolfing down food.


Kathleen

[oolala53]

It's not only the effort; it's been shown that satiety is increased with increased chewing. That's another reason why lightly cooked or raw vegetables help with satiety. They take up volume and you have to chew them more.

I chew most bites 30-50 times. If I don't have to, it shows me I might be choosing too many semi-processed or processed foods. I chew until the food is mostly liquid. It took some learning, but I prefer it now. And I really taste and enjoy my food.

Hope chewing more helps you, too.

[Kathleen]

Very interesting. I think that I am returning to a diet I tried only for a couple of weeks -- three habits and that's it. One of the habits is chewing.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

January 4, 2012: The Bright Line Diet

No snacks or sweets in calendar year 2012.


The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0 (My goal is to weigh 132 pounds.)

Restart with The Bright Line Diet
(Month 1) Day 1 - Wednesday, January 4, 2012: 212.4


Day 1 – Tuesday, December 27, 2011: I decided to keep something of a journal here, since I may return to The No S Diet and people seem to still check on what I am doing. The 7 Secrets of Slim People is similar to Intuitive Eating in that the idea is to trust your body's innate wisdom. It's been hard to read the book because it brings back memories of how I lost 15 pounds (from 132 pounds to 117 pounds) just in time to go off to college because my father thought I was too fat at 132.

Reading this book, I am thinking that, for me, the key may be a variation on the book which says that you are going to try and fail and try again. I think it may be important for me to follow perfectly the idea that I eat only when definitely hungry. I may try this approach for one year, until next New Year's.

I am home, not working, not particularly in a rush to work. I have to fill out financial aid forms, and being unemployed might not be so bad right now.

4 PM: I am going to beat myself up with one failure -- how stupid is that? No, I will follow The 7 Secrets of Slim People as written.

Day 2 – Wednesday, December 28, 2011: I did not weigh myself this morning because part of the approach in this book is to trust your body and not manage your life around a number on the scale. It is downright frightening how I have reacted to just the first exercise in the book which is to write down what you eat, what you body's reaction is to the eating, and how your mind tells you what to eat. I decided that I can only handle so much so I am going to do one exercise per day instead of one exercise per week. There are seven exercises to correspond to the seven secrets. I can read one chapter per night when I go to bed as a way to drill the ideas into my head. I also ordered the tapes that go with the book from Amazon. The book and tapes are long out of print, which my husband believes is a bad sign. That's OK. I have circled around trying to find a diet which could work for me. I actually could have followed The No S Diet for life, but it did not produce the weight loss I wanted. The approach is also one I could follow for life, and it remains to be seen if I will lose weight following it. I do plan to weigh myself once per month.

Day 2 - Monday, January 2, 2012: On New Year's Eve, to my horror, I realized I had returned to the worst diet ever: The Hunger Satisfaction Diet. It was then that I decided that I could not follow The 7 Habits of Slim People, and I decided whatever I did had to be followed with perfection. Like an alcoholic who never takes one drink, I needed a bright line that I would not cross. Yesterday, I determined that that bright line would be to not take one bite each day until I experienced hunger. I experienced hunger yesterday about 2:30 PM. The term Bright Line is one I read in the book Willpower.

9 PM: Today I did not wait for as strong a hunger as I did yesterday. When I did eat, I ate a fair amount. In the afternoon, my stomach rebelled. Why? I have suspected this before, and now I suspect it again: a person's stomach can tolerate only within a certain range of hunger comfortably. If eating too little, the person feels famished. If eating too much, the stomach rebels. What I am attempting to do with this diet is shift the range of comfort. It's like daylight savings time. It takes only a few days to adjust to a shift of one hour.

I was very hopeful tonight, lying in bed with a stomach ache, that that stomach ache indicated a prior adjustment to less food that was violated by my return to what has been normal eating. Tonight, I was also reading Eric Clapton's autobiography which had been mentioned in the Willpower book. It is fascinating! One thing he brought up is that, after he stopped drinking, he started again and his tolerance was zero. His body had lost its ability to drink.

With conventional diets, there is a constant restriction. With my approach, the restriction is only until I experience hunger. I think I need to get to a certain level of hunger, and I need to experiment with this. The level of hunger I experienced today was what I would call Level 1. It was very mild, almost undetectable. The level I experienced yesterday I would call Level 2. It came with a deep growl and then went. I did not feel any hunger for about 1/2 hour after that deep growl and I had waited because a casserole was coming out of the oven. I think I need to wait for that second level of hunger, so that is my goal for tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 12, 2012: I woke up this morning, and I most definitely do not want to eat. I am not stuffed. I can feel food in my tummy, but I am not stuffed. What happened? I think that my body wants to return to the feeling of hunger. Incredible. This is just incredible. When my youngest refuses food, she says, "I'm not hungry." Well, for me, hunger is a serious crises. The youngest has no fear of hunger because she waits for hunger before eating. think the obesity crises may be caused by the stirring up of a fear of hunger that is unwarranted. Right now, my body wants to get to hunger.

Is it possible that becoming thin could be as easy as adjusting to as daylight savings time? One of the greatest books I have read is Aristotle's Ethics. In it, Aristotle argues that virtue is a habit, and with habit comes ease of execution. Perhaps moderation in eating is nothing more than the habit of waiting for hunger. There is no need to stop at moderation, since my body gives powerful feedback if I wait for hunger and then overeat. There is no need for rules of how to eat such as chewing each bite 10 times or eating without distraction. There is one rule and one rule only: each day, refrain from eating for the first time until hungry.

8 PM: I absolutely did not want to have dinner tonight because I had eaten a lot at lunch and was not yet hungry. This wasn't a rule I was following. Instead, I realized that I had gotten used to eating when hungry. What a surprise! This was a habit that came of a few days' effort! I got a subscription to Shape magazine and right on the cover of the January issue is this teaser: THE NO-HUNGER DIET EAT& STILL LOSE! I haven't read the article yet, but it seems to me that the problem is exactly that we are trying not to become hungry. It's OK, I think, to become hungry. It actually feels good to become hungry. The real problem with diets is that you never satisfy that hunger because of "portion control." The way to lose weight, I now speculate and am testing, is to become hungry and then satisfy that hunger. My body will do the portion controlling by giving me stomach aches that I desire to avoid in the future!

Day 1 – Wednesday, January 4, 2012: The advantage of weighing yourself is you see a number which reflects truth and not perception. I thought I was doing well, and I am not. Also, I don't like this constant belly gazing. I am returning to a No S Diet of sorts in that I am eliminating snacks and sweets for this year. My situation is desperate. I've been off work only two weeks and can only fit into one pair of work pants, and I can squeeze into only one pair of jeans. My wedding ring hurts my finger, so it is in a drawer. Can I give up snacks and sweets for one year? I think so.

6:22 PM: One plateful. No snacks. No sweets. A rolling average of one exception day per month. Focus on an average of 10,000 steps per day and 3 strengthening exercises per week. Re-evaluate at New Year's in 12 months.

[oolala53]

How will you know when you are definitely hungry or just having an urge to eat?

[Kathleen]

Good question. Maybe I shouldn't be so clever and just follow The 7 Secrets of Slim People.

[Eurobabe2]

I've been meaning to post for about a week, and finally got to it.
Please take my post as the well-meaning advice of a long-time reader. Only you will know if it's something you're interested in or not.

I think there are several reasons you didn't keep losing on No-s. First, you didn't follow the one-plate rule, you drank caloric liquids between meals, and you didn't adjust your portion sizes as you lost weight.
Then there was the whole s-day binging problem.

This is what I suggest since you seem to want to return to no-S: and really, you've tried everything else.

1. ONE PLATE only, and make that plate count. High fiber, high-quality protein, healthy fat, and fruits and veggies. Take the time to plan every meal, so that hunger/lack of time doesn't have you reaching for the first thing you find. And get rid of any junk food-the overweight family members don't need it, but neither do the others. They can eat anything you cannot outside the house.

2. No sweets/no snacks for a YEAR isn't going to work. How about planning a dessert for the S-days, under 250 calories/portion? There are untold yummy recipes for low-cal desserts out there.

3. You posted at one point that you think you overate at mealtimes on No-s because you were afraid of being hungry. How about planning a low-cal snack for hunger emergencies? An apple and a piece of low-fat cheese could help you stay strong until the next meal, if necessary. That could work very well for you, and keep you losing on no-s.

Finally, I would urge you to stop skipping meals for long periods of time. Philosophically it may suit you, but practically these theories of fasting/hunger is good etc etc have resulted in NO sustainable weight loss-just the opposite. Maybe they work for some people, but clearly they don't work for you, and I hope you won't let any more time go by without realizing that. There's a reason that most cultures in the world eat 3 meals a day; that's how often the majority of us need to eat. If you can go for 14, 16, or 24 hours without eating, it's probably because you overate at the last meal.

Anyway, I'm cheering for you, and I know that anyone with your tenacity will eventually get where she wants to go.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
Awww... thanks for the compliment. It isn't working even one day. One plateful. That was my weakness.
Kathleen

[3-0-7 girl]

I have that book and the tapes. I think I may very well have every book that ever has been printed on eating from stomach hunger.

I have also taken online classes. Joined a online program that I paid a monthly fee for unlimited access to lectures, webanars and 24-7 radio stations all based on eating only when the stomach growls.

I have paid to go out both in state and out of state to seminars and workshops and in house stays for a program that taught eating from stomach hunger.

I have never made it one solid week much less a month or a year with any success.

I totally and completely understand your wanting this to work for you. I fully get that you have to continue to try this until you have exhausted every avenue and reached the end of your desire for this to work or better yet reach a point where it does work for you. My attempts to make this work for me spanned over 10 years.

Please keep posting and letting us know how the journey is going for you. I am always here for you. Your story is my story too.

[Kathleen]

January 5, 2012: The Bright Line Diet (a modification of The No S Diet)

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Bright Line Diet
(Month 1) Day 1 - Thursday, January 5, 2012: 212.8


Here is my diet:
1. No snacks or sweets.
2. One plateful at meals.
3. A rolling average of one Exception Day per month.

"By perfect practice of a single virtue a person can reach the heights in all virtue." - St. Francis de Sales

It would not have been my choice to make my weight the challenge of my life, but it is. I have concluded, after a long road, that my weight problem is like an alcoholic's problem: one drink is too many for an alcoholic, and I must allow myself to eat food only within rules that are followed perfectly. In a way, this recognition is a relief: I don't ever again have to worry about gauging just how hungry I am or compare the weight on the scale today with the goal weight I had planned for today. Instead, I follow the rules above and that's it.

Weights:
Day 1 – Thursday, January 5, 2012: 212.8
Day 2 – Friday, January 6, 2012: 212.2 A new low!
Day 3 – Saturday, January 7, 2012: 211.0 A new low!
Day 4 – Sunday, January 8, 2012: 211.2
Day 5 – Monday, January 9, 2012: 210.6 A new low!
Day 6 – Tuesday, January 10, 2012: 211.0
Day 7 – Wednesday, January 11, 2012: 211.6 EXCEPTION DAY
Day 8 – Thursday, January 12, 2012: 210.6
Day 9 – Friday, January 13, 2012:
Day 10 – Saturday, January 14, 2012:
Day 11 – Sunday, January 15, 2012:
Day 12 – Monday, January 16, 2012:
Day 13 – Tuesday, January 17, 2012:
Day 14 – Wednesday, January 18, 2012:
Day 15 – Thursday, January 19, 2012:
Day 16 – Friday, January 20, 2012:
Day 17 – Saturday, January 21, 2012:
Day 18 – Sunday, January 22, 2012:
Day 19 – Monday, January 23, 2012:
Day 20 – Tuesday, January 24, 2012:
Day 21 – Wednesday, January 25, 2012:
Day 22 – Thursday, January 26, 2012:
Day 23 – Friday, January 27, 2012:
Day 24 – Saturday, January 28, 2012:
Day 25 – Sunday, January 29, 2012:
Day 26 – Monday, January 30, 2012:
Day 27 – Tuesday, January 31, 2012:

Journal:
Day 1 – Thursday, January 5, 2012: It was a relapse. Like the alcoholic who fools himself into thinking he can return to being a moderate drinker, so I decided -- incorrectly -- that I could return to intuitive eating.

Looking back, I realize now that I hit bottom on the day I had to take off my wedding ring. That was in the last month. Now I surrender to the need for an alcoholic's perfect compliance with no drinking. How do I do that?

Day 2 – Friday, January 6, 2012: I realized last night that having a goal weight is counter to settling on a process. Instead, I need to follow this process and accept the weight that results. It's a long road ahead of me, but I've started.

Day 3 – Saturday, January 7, 2012: Yesterday, my stomach started growling before dinner, and it was so nice just to ignore it!!!

Day 4 – Sunday, January 8, 2012: Having made the decision to follow these rules, they seem rather easy. I put an apple on a plate today and put the bowl of Cheerios on the same plate and decided it was like attending Holy Day Masses: I hate attending them but I do because that's the rule of the Catholic Church. It's easy to decide to follow rules and then just follow them. The hard part is getting to the point that you decide to follow the rules.

Day 5 – Monday, January 9, 2012: The kids go off to school today, and I am happy to have some time to catch my breath. I have two good potential jobs with the two companies where I have worked as a contractor in the last year, and I'm going to concentrate on buying new furniture for Tom's room rather than on jobhunting. Meanwhile, I wanted to write what happened in the last week in my life and compare it to events in Eric Clapton's autobiography, an autobiography that very much seems to be genuine and unvarnished.

I learned about this book from the book Willpower because the authors of that book reference Eric Clapton as someone who surrendered to a higher power in order to overcome drug and alcohol addiction.

The line which keeps on coming to mind for me is what happened after that surrender: "Within a few days I realized that something had happened for me. An atheist would probably say it was just a change of attitude, and to a certain extent that's true, but there was much more to it than that. I had found a place to turn to, a place I'd always known was there but never really wanted, or needed, to believe in. From that day until this I have never failed to pray in the morning, on my knees asking for help, and at night, to express gratitude for my life and, most of all, for my sobriety. I choose to kneel because I feel I need to humble myself when I pray, and with my ego, this is the most I can do. If you are asking why I do all this, I will tell you... because it works, as simple as that. In all this time that I've been sober, I have never once seriously thought of taking a drink or a drug." (From the chapter titled Conor.)

He tells when he hit rock bottom and it was when he went fishing, was drunk, and toppled over and broke a rod in view of two other fishermen who looked away. My rock bottom was waking up in the middle of the night to find my finger hurting and having to take off my wedding ring.

What was my point of surrender? I did not do as Eric Clapton did, which was to fall to my knees and beg for help. Instead, I thought last week of a phrase from a book by St. Francis de Sales which I had written in the front of my planner: "By perfect practice of a single virtue a person can reach the heights in all virtue." I had thought of it with regard to being more orderly and had also written some rules for orderliness in the front of my planner. Instead, I thought last week that maybe I was called to practice a virtue perfectly with regard to my eating. Then I thought about The No S Diet and what was the maximum I thought I could do for life.

Eurobabe2 suggested one plateful, which I have always dismissed as too hard and too ridiculous given my desire for fruit and cereal in the morning, but then I changed my mind and thought I could do that. All I need do is put a large plate on the table with the fruit next to it and the bowl of Cheerios on top. Is health worth an extra dirty plate?

I realized I needed Exception Days and one per month was the minimum I thought I could do. That resulted in the diet.

It's as simple as that.

Now, four days later, I have experienced hunger without any real interest in eating outside these rules. On Saturday, we did not have lunch when we attended a talk, there was a break, and cookies were available at the break. My stomach growled during the talk, and I just ignored it. After the talk, at about 4:30 PM, we went to Wendy's and got a hamburger. No problem. I never keeled over. My body can handle the delay in a meal, and three platefuls of food are plenty for someone of my age and with my tendency to be sendentary.

That's it. That's where I am. After his surrender, Clapton went on to sort out his life and eventually settle into a relationship with a woman by whom he had three children. He lost a child by a freak accident but it did not result in his return to drinking. Something changed for him, and it came from outside him. He surrendered to a power outside him. He is not proud of his sobriety. He is humble. That's how I feel. There is no pride in my following this diet. There is humility in accepting God's grace. I have been a seeker, and I have been unhappy ricchocheting from one diet to another and doing one modification after another. Now I think I'm settled. Time will tell, but there is peace and calm.

8:30 AM: To add to the momentousness of the last several days, Tom and I spent the afternoon attending a religious conference in which a professor from Boston College spoke about seeking God through beauty, goodness and truth. After the conference, Tom asked me what I thought, and I told him it was the single best talk I have ever heard. Part of it was about seeking God, and the professor described three types of people: those who seek God and find him, and they are reasonable and happy; those who seek God and do not find him, and they are reasonable and unhappy; and those who do not seek God, and they are unreasonable. With regard to my weight, I have been seeking and not finding. Maybe I have found, and now this entire drama is over. Now I just live out what I am called to do.

Day 6 – Tuesday, January 10, 2012: I feel little need to write any more at this point. It seems to me like I've been like the alcoholic who denies he's an alcoholic, and now the truth has descended on me: I am a glutton. The attractive aspect of The 7 Secrets of Slim People was that you were supposed to be non judgmental about your eating. That is the opposite philosophy from the glutton who seeks help from God. This morning, I tried on my wedding ring, and I would have had to really push to get it on. It stays off. It may be that my finger has gotten fatter with age, but I want to lose weight before I get it widened.

9 PM: When I was preparing dinner, I started to eat some of it and then added chocolate covered almonds to the mix. My defensive strategy was to get out of the kitchen and have Anne serve dinner. She was supposed to prepare dinner but I am not working and it was a difficult meal to prepare. What am I to make of this? Not much. After dinner, I had to attend a financial aid meeting so I was gone. The damage was real but limited.

Day 7 – Wednesday, January 11, 2012: The damage wasn't too great, but I was awake a lot last night fretting, so much so that I overslept and the kids were late to school.

12 PM: Yesterday, I was at the school to pick up my daughter, and a school administrator who is very thin was all set to bike home. She lives more than 10 miles away. I came home depressed. I realized that I am far, far from a healthy lifestyle. Today I pigged out on Toll House cookies. Then I went and put on my wedding ring and decided I just have to live a healthy lifestyle. I am now taking our dog out for a walk.

4:19 PM: I am done dieting. No matter what I do, there is a backlash.

Day 8 – Thursday, January 12, 2012: Go figure... I pig out, and my weight goes down! This morning, I weighed myself at the usual time and started to prepare for the day but the stress of dealing with my weight and jobhunting and the house and financial aid forms collapsed on me, and I could not continue on with my day and went back to bed. The kids got themselves off to school, and I slept until the phone range with an automated message from the library that Katie has several overdue library books... Good thing she got Christmas money from Grandmom and Grandpop! I like the idea of striving toward perfection. I need to pick myself up and keep on going. I think what I will also try to do is write down what I eat at the end of the day. That could help me to be more aware of what is going in my mouth.

[Eileen7316]

You do it by following the rules you wrote above. Use your self-discipline muscle - it will get stronger the more you use it.

This bible verse may help:

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I think you could use a little peace.

Kathleen, I so admire your dogged determination to find a way! Good luck and blessings.

[Kathleen]

Eileen7316,
There is a line in the Bible that ran through my thoughts yesterday: "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I think this approach can bring peace. It is so nice not to be gauging hunger level. I forgot what a pain that was. Thanks for your encouragement.
Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
Restart with The Bright Line Diet
(Month 1) Day 1 - Thursday, January 5, 2012: 212.8

Here is my diet:
1. No snacks or sweets.
2. One plateful at meals.
3. A rolling average of one Exception Day per month.

Day 1 – Thursday, January 5, 2012: It was a relapse. Like the alcoholic who fools himself into thinking he can return to being a moderate drinker, so I decided -- incorrectly -- that I could return to intuitive eating.

I'm still here wishing the best for you.
Once Again, you have placed yourself on the right track.
FOCUS, and don't let your emotions derail you.
There is no perfection in life.
You will never do anything perfectly.
Demanding perfection (in anything) will destroy your motivation.
Think about this:
Sticking with your current plan, and even following it imperfectly,
will give you better results than you achieved through 2011.

[Kathleen]

BrigthAngel,

Thanks for your encouragement! I know it sounds terrible to expect perfection of myself, but I think there are some cases in which perfection is necessary. I read the book Willpower, and there was a reference in there to Eric Clapton's autobiography so I got it from the library and read it. It made a powerful impression on me. He went to rehab for drug and alcohol abuse, gave up alcohol completely, had one drink, decided he could be a moderate drinker, and went right back to out of control drinking within a month or two. Then he went back to rehab and this time gave up alcohol for good. I think that may be how I handle overeating: I have rules, and I follow them perfectly.

There are a few things that I hold so dear that they are done perfectly, and the example that comes to mind is fidelity in marriage. I am and always will be faithful to my husband. In the 18 years of our marriage, I've been attracted to three other guys, and I've taken pains to create quite a distance between them and myself as soon as I recognized the attraction.

There's a bright line with regard to fidelity in my life, and I think there needs to be a bright line with regard to dieting. Bright line or no, I hope to achieve better results in 2012! My wedding ring is in my bureau because my finger is so fat, and I managed to get paint on the last pair of jeans I can actually wear!

Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

Then he went back to rehab and this time gave up alcohol for good.

Working to follow the pattern you've chosen perfectly is an excellent goal
Just don't change the "Bright Line" if (and when) you have a slip off the pattern.
Many successful recovering alcoholics have had many slips before they were successful.
Notice that the thing to do is NOT search for another plan with which to be perfect,
(in marriage...it's not effective to keep looking for other marital partners
and keep starting new fidelity committments)
instead, if and when, you find you've slipped, dig in and rededicate yourself to your current plan.

[oolala53]

So the combination of No S and The Bright Line Diet is to eat three meals a day with no snacks or sweets for the whole year, correct?. Actually, that is pretty close to what was recommended in OA when I went 20 years ago. I've said on other threads that I thought it was crazy at the time. But I wasn't actually mature enough at the time, nor did I avail myself of the support. I'm not really sorry now as there does seem to be so much added philosophy to their program. I never saw any of the diet plans they recommended at different times with no flour and sugar. Their prescription was three MODERATE meals a day, so they did allow for sweets, but apparently it varied over the years. Sugar seems to be the most contentious item, and it has to be a personal choice.

I know you said you thought you failed to lose weight at No S before because you were afraid to get hungry. It is of value to get hungry, but I know sometimes I have elected to have my three meals even when I wasn't especially hungry( except on weekends when I have had something especially rich and really still felt quite full). I chose to eat a little light meal and the hunger did come back later. I think that regularity helped me not panic subconsciously at the idea of skipping a meal and then thinking I could "make up" for it at the next one. During this second year, I sometimes found that it took less food to fill me up and last until about an hour before the next meal. Anyway, I say that because you've made many references to intuitive eating and the habits of slim people, who are said to eat only when they are hungry. If you don't start out hungry for each meal, I think you will get there as you adjust your amounts, which you seem more open to now. I hope you stick with that and don't start skipping meals because you aren't hungry.

You sound the best you ever have!

[Kathleen]

BrightAngel,
I read your post, went and found the book and tape for The 7 Secrets of Slim People, and threw them in the garbage! I got rid of all my diet books -- all of them!

oolala53,
It was so nice today to realize that I did not have to gauge my hunger at all. All I had to do was fit everything I ate on one plate. It's interesting that this approach of mine is similar to OA. I had to give up on the fantasy of becoming a naturally slender person and accept that I will never be that. There's a certain relief in the acceptance.

Kathleen

[oolala53]

That is so wonderful! Got rid of your diet books? I call that brave.

You don't have to be naturally slim. You just have to be naturally YOU!

[Kathleen]

Oh, thanks. It was such a relief! I was about to drive the kids to go skiing (even though it was 45 degrees outside, and this is Minnesota!). I rushed, but I did it, and it is a relief!

[Eileen7316]

Kathleen,

Your newest postings sound like you're in a really good place. I'm so happy for you!

[Kathleen]

Eileen7316,
Thank you for your encouragement -- it's been such a long search for a diet, and I think I'm just settling on this out of exhaustion and a lot of faith.
Kathleen

[oolala53]

Lucky you got tired here.

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,
[i]4:19 PM: I am done dieting. No matter what I do, there is a backlash. [/i]
What you call backlash is what everyone else calls real life. You have to be more patient with yourself, and realize that there will be times you fall off the wagon. Let's say, in one year's time, you had 36 failures. The rest of the time you had successes. That's about 90% success, and it would be reflected in your weight.

Instead, you expect perfect compliance, and when you don't acheive that unrealistic goal, you abandon the diet and go on to the next great miracle, which doesn't deliver either. It doesn't deliver because it can't.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on. It WILL work if you give it time and consistency.

I suggest you look again at having 2 S-days in a week, but not for all-day snacking or eating sweets. Instead, have ONE snack each day or ONE dessert, both of which you've planned. If you do that, you only have a maximum of 5 days until you get another special day, and you can handle 5 days. I think ONE exception day per month will not work, and will just set you up for binging, a weight-gain, and another restart to another diet.

Kathleen, you CAN do this. Don't give up. Your many fans are cheering you on!!

[BrightAngel]

Hi Kathleen,
"4:19 PM: I am done dieting.
No matter what I do, there is a backlash. "

What you call backlash is what everyone else calls real life.
You have to be more patient with yourself,
and realize that there will be times you fall off the wagon.

Instead, you expect perfect compliance,
and when you don't acheive that unrealistic goal,
you abandon the diet and go on to the next great miracle,
which doesn't deliver either.
It doesn't deliver because it can't.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on.
It WILL work if you give it time and consistency.

Kathleen...your demand for perfection is keeping you fat.
Your diet backlash comes SPECIFICALLY from that unrealistic demand.

Yes...it's okay to strive for excellence,
It is good to see and mark the bright line,
handling a food addiction like alcoholism is a good thing,

With Alcohol, one can have total abstinance,
but Food has to be touched and tasted every day,
and because of THIS,
unless you are a monk living in total isolation
perfection with food is impossible to achive.

You need to change the way you think, and
Strive TOWARD perfection...but stop expecting it.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2 and BrightAngel,
Thanks for the encouragement. I'll soldier on.
Kathleen

[NoSRocks]

Kathleen, you are doing GREAT! Really enjoying your posts and I think the advice the other guys have given is really good also. All the very best to you. Also a big thanks to everyone else who posted; your messages are very encouraging and inspirational to all of us No Sers!

[Kathleen]

NoSRocks,
I don't feel that way but I appreciate your encouragement. Today I don't feel all that great, so I'm taking it easy. Jobhunting is also stressful, and I need to take a one day at a time attitude with regard to it. If I'm only interested in short term contracts, I'm going to be jobhunting a lot.
Kathleen

[oolala53]

Well, if that's not a metaphorical statement, I don't know what is.

[Kathleen]

January 13, 2011: The Novena Diet

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Novena Diet
Start of Novena Diet 1 - Friday, January 13, 2012: 212.6


Here is my diet:
1. Eat a minimal amount for nine straight days.
2. Do not weigh myself from the start of the diet until it has ended.
3. Maintain a weight in the five pound range below that starting weight for one full month. (Example: Starting weight on 1/13/2012 is 212.6. Maintenance weight will be in 205 to 210 range.)
4. Go on next Novena Diet starting 1 month and 1 day later (Example: Start of Novena Diet 1 is 1/22. Start of Novena Diet 2 will be 2/23.)

Friday, January 13, 2012: There were two flaws in the Novena Diet that I practiced when I was single: I kept on putting off when I would go through one, and I had to schedule these diets for when there would be no social events since I was counting 1000 calories/day. There were advantages to them as well: I would keep off the weight because I had concentrated effort to lose weight and then gave myself a full month to maintain that weight. That is what I am going to do now, only I will just eat a minimum rather than 1,000 calories per day. My goal is to eat a minimum amount for nine days and then weigh myself at between 205 and 210, maintaining within that range for a full month before going on it again to get between 200 and 205. I'll be back on January 22. What convinced me to go back was the diet backlash I experienced even with the modest approach I was trying. I cannot do dieting as a habit -- nothing as a habit. Instead, I need periodic effort to get my weight lower after it has drifted higher.

[BrightAngel]

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
Restart with The Novena Diet
Day 1 - Friday, January 13, 2012: 212.6

I cannot do dieting as a habit -- nothing as a habit.

Kathleen, just a REALITY reminder here.

I've been here watching you since you began in 2008, AND
in all that time you have NEVER actually followed the No S Diet
as written except on a rare occasion for a week or two at a time.

Each time you have brought yourself to the place to commit to the one-plate rule,
soon after you start working to implement it,
you find that you want more food than 1 plate 3 times a day, AND you CHOOSE to eat more.
Then you find yourself unable to tolerate your failure
and unable to understand and accept that failures naturally occur
when one is trying to form a new food habit to replace an old one.

For the past 3 years, during the brief and intermittent times
that you have chosen to use the No S Diet..instead of some other plan,
Your version of No S has been:
to eat as much as you want of whatever you want at mealtime
3 times a day during weekdays,
and to binge every weekends
as well as binge at least two other days every month.
You also never experienced perfection at your own version of the plan.

Your version of No S is not a plan of moderation,
or of overall food reduction
So of course, you haven't lost weight on your version of No S.

Although you have never established the No S eating habit,
you clearly do have a dieting Habit.
Your habit is demand perfection from yourself,
on whatever food plan that you devise for yourself
and then to use your failure at perfection first as an excuse to binge,
and next as an excuse to change diets.

I think that what the past 3 years shows is that
THAT your demand for perfection and subsequent behavior
is the habit you MUST CHANGE in order to be successful
at the No S Diet, or with ANY diet.

[BrightAngel]

Here's an excellent article about Perfection
http://www.diethobby.com/blog.php?ax=v&nid=407

[milliem]

I think that what the past 3 years shows is that
THAT your demand for perfection and subsequent behavior
is the habit you MUST CHANGE in order to be successful
at the No S Diet, or with ANY diet. [/color]

As someone who has read your diary with interest, I would agree with this statement totally. Any diet or eating plan that you follow for a week and give up at the first sign of imperfection is not going to work.

Be kind to yourself Kathleen, habits take time to change and form. You were doing really well up until the 12th January, had one 'backlash' and start again with a completely new 'diet' that you've tried before and hasn't worked! You are not a special new type of person that cannot change habits. EVERYONE experiences a failure day with NoS (or any other diet for that matter). One binge does not mean you or the diet fail entirely!

[oolala53]

[quote] If I'm only interested in short term contracts, I'm going to be jobhunting a lot. [/quote]

I repeat, this is a metaphor. If you are only interested in something that "works" until it's too hard or you make a mistake, you are going to be repeating the same steps a lot. Isn't that what has been happening?

Please examine yourself to see if you are really thinking something is going to make this easy, as people in OA say they pray that God will take away the compulsion. However, few of them have that happen, and thankfully, some of them stay and become abstinent. Although they often SAY they are powerless, 99% of those who "abstain" do it by absolutely choosing to follow their "plan" no matter what. We actually have complete power over what we eat, though it can feel as if we don't when the urges are so strong to do it, and when we do choose to even as we are screaming on the inside. But there is a big difference between not getting urges and not eating, and giving in multiple times and truly being powerless. We do not have control of whether urges come or not. We can choose not to act on them.

You have been incredibly resilient in listening to our feeback for years without taking huge offense. But you have also deflected much of the support. If we were encouraging you to follow some outrageous plan for starvation, I would understand your resistance, but with No S, you will not be starving or even semi-starving, though I hope for your sake you will get hungry. But hunger is tolerable, urges are tolerable, and being hungry for a few hours a day while getting adequate calories for the sustenance (and beyond) of a moderate life is not harmful, especially if you approach it in the present and not the past. It is not harmful to modestly cut the amount of food you eat, no matter how uncomfortable you may feel temporarily!

You are a more mature woman now; you can take a mild amount of suffering in stride, especially when the payoff is so great: wearing your wedding ring again, being a healthy example for your daughter, and the relaxation and joy around this issue. Those are only three. Judith Beck recommends that would-be dieters make a list of benefits they will experience when they lose weight and to write the list on a card that they carry with them. She recommends reading the list SEVERAL TIMES A DAY BEFORE THEY START A DIET, while the habits take hold, and then twice a day until well after a person has stabilized at a desirable weight. I have a list of 40 items in a Word document on my desktop. I also have document with some of the other helpful statements that she included with my own twist and additions, such as
1) Hunger, urges, and cravings are not an emergency;
2) I can't eat whenever I want and feel sane about food;
3) It is harmless to wait to eat a good meal;
4) Giving in to fake hunger will lengthen the time it takes to get over this habit;
5) I have suffered much greater pain than the discomfort of these anxious feelings;
6) Feeding my random urges to eat makes them stronger the next time;
7) The best remedy for a failure is to just wait until the next meal to eat again;
If I don't conquer this, I will likely be in pain over it until the day I die.

I don't have to review the 8 statements above often now, but I still do go back and read my reasons to eat moderately and will until I have done No S for another 1-3 years.

I pray for a breakthrough for you on this soon.

[Eileen7316]

You have been incredibly resilient in listening to our feeback for years without taking huge offense. But you have also deflected much of the support.

This observation is spot on!

Kathleen, what are you saying to yourself when you experience "backlash"? Are you justifying your eating? Are you not thinking at all?

If you think you can just "decide" to follow an eating plan and never have any urges, you are being unrealistic. You have to learn to say "no" to yourself.

You seem to analyze in great detail the plan you are trying, but you don't seem to write about the self-talk that is going on in your head when you make the choice to overeat. Writing about that may help you unlock some beliefs about yourself and your situation that may be helpful to you.

[Kathleen]

Thanks for the encouragement and the article on perfection. I needed it -- a lot. My almost 18 year old got into one of the most prestigious colleges in the country, and yesterday I was suggesting she drop a class (she already has all the credits she needs to graduate) and focus on exercise so as to be in better shape when she starts freshman year. She said she didn't to exercise, and I said I didn't either. There I was, not working and not exercising with plenty of time on my hands and encouraging my daughter to do what I didn't have the self-discipline to do. It breaks my heart.

I weighed 211.4 today and think I will try nine days of three meals per day with no snacks and no sweets. I need those nine days to think about next steps. I also put on a pedometer.

Sometimes it's easier to see what you should do when you see a child heading down your same path. If she weren't so heavy, she would be a classic Irish beauty -- thick curly hair, bright blue eyes, just a stunner...

Kathleen

[TexArk]

May I also suggest again that it helps to practice environmental control. Get the binge foods out of the house at least until you have built up some habits. There is no need to keep Toll House cookies (your last reported fall from diet) in the house. Who in your household needs this stuff? Don't put those items from the big warehouse store in your basket, then they will not be around the house calling your name.

I have to do this after all this time just because there are weak moments in my life. If I have to leave the house to get a treat, I will maybe wait it out and I certainly cannot binge on it...

Good luck. You have many followers who are giving you good advice.

[oolala53]

Your daughter is going to have to come to her own conclusions about what she needs to do for herself. The best you can do is model a moderate life without talking about it much. Let the results do the talking. Even then, it may take her a long time to sift things through in her life.

Nine days does not seem like enough time to gather behavior data to make any new decision. Have you ever truly given Vanilla No S a 3-week try? I don't think there's anything magical about 21 days, but it's a lot closer to a month than 9 days, and a month is a pretty natural division. At least finish out January with one plan and no changes. Failures, maybe, but no changes.

[Kathleen]

I don't have time to think when the kids are home, and they go off to school on Tuesday. Yesterday, we went to an alumni meeting for the prestigious college which accepted Anne. Both Tom and I got out of that meeting thinking we wish we had attended there! Anne said she didn't think she'd like it. I had to agree with her that it didn't think like a fit. She's starting to think the U of M would be the best place for her even though she got into U W and it's higher ranked and so is this other college.

What is the lesson I'm learning from this? We each have to find our own way. There is no one size fits all. We can get ideas from others but ultimately have to craft our own diet.

I'm going to read the comments more thoroughly when I have time later this week, but I have yet another idea.

Kathleen

PS. Making Toll House cookies because you have time and the kids are home is not such a great idea. I'm making blueberry muffins this morning.

[Kathleen]

January 15, 2011: The Novena Diet inspired by The No S Diet

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Novena Diet
Start of Novena Diet 1 - Sunday, January 15, 2012: 211.0


Here is my diet:
1. Eat three meals with no snacks for nine straight days.
2. Do not weigh myself during the nine days so as to protect myself against the temptation to go off the diet because my weight is below the target weight.
3. Walk a total of 90,000 steps during the nine days.
4. Do 4 strengthening exercises during the nine days.
5. Maintain a weight in the five pound range below that starting weight for one full month. (Example: Starting weight on 1/15/2012 is 211.0. Maintenance weight will be in 205 to 210 range.)
6. Go on next Novena Diet starting 1 month and 1 day later (Example: End of Novena Diet 1 is 1/23. Start of Novena Diet 2 will be 2/24.)
7. That's the way it is if I fail in following the Novena Diet. If I do, I don't restart. Instead, I pick myself up and continue.

Weights
Sunday, January 15, 2012: 211.0
Monday, January 16, 2012: 209.6


Journal:
Sunday, January 15, 2012: We each have to find our own way. I'll be back in 10 days.

4:30 PM: I can write. I went to the JCC for the first time since August and walked about 2,000 steps. Then I took Katie and Ellie to Target and got exercise clothing -- size XXL. That's humiliating! Then I took the dog for a walk and am up to 9,886 steps. Now I am going to get Ellie to take yet another Before picture. I need the virtue of hope.

Monday, January 16, 2012: 209.6 Yesterday went well.

12:30 PM: Tommy is monopolizing the computer as he works on a project. He lost his own computer due to spending so much time on video games. I made it to 11 AM and then started eating. Why? I know exactly why. I weighed myself this morning and was below 210! I've been through this before with the original diet. It's important not to weigh myself because a low weight is a temptation to expand my choices with regard to eating. Dumb but not fatal. I'll continue on this diet now an recognize this failure as no catastrophe. My second big temptation with this diet was to try to lose more than five pounds at a time. With a starting weight of 211, that would be a temptation, but I'm determined now just to get to the 205 to 210 range. It is actually in the month after the diet that the true effect of the diet comes through because that's when my body's setpoint is lowered. I lose more weight during the Novena Diet than I am able to maintain off, but I am completely used to the new weight by the end of the month. This is all coming back to me now. I'm really combining my Novena Diet with The No S Diet in this approach. With my old Novena Diet of 1000 calories per day, I almost became a recluse when I followed it. With this diet, there is no need of that since all I am doing is avoiding snacks and sweets and committing to some exercise. This is easy. Will I lose weight? Yes, I am confident of that. The only question is how much.

[oolala53]

You've done well. You need faith before hope. Give yourselfr the chance to experience the internal benefits before depending on outer proof. This may take awhile but there is very likely little better to do ith your time and mental energy than this. The potential payoff could be literally life-changing. Hang in there!

[Kathleen]

January 17, 2011: The Novena Diet inspired by The No S Diet

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Novena Diet
Start of Novena Diet 1 - Sunday, January 17, 2012: 211.8


Here is my diet:
1. Eat three meals with no snacks for nine straight days.
2. Liquids, fruits and vegetables are allowed anytime.
3. Walk a total of 90,000 steps during the nine days.
4. Do 4 strengthening exercises during the nine days.
5. Maintain a weight in the five pound range below that starting weight for one full month. (Example: Starting weight on 1/17/2012 is 211.8. Maintenance weight will be in 205 to 210 range.)
6. Go on next Novena Diet starting 1 month and 1 day later (Example: End of Novena Diet 1 is 1/23. Start of Novena Diet 2 will be 2/24.)
7. That's the way it is if I fail in following the Novena Diet. If I do, I don't restart. Instead, I end that month's Novena Diet right then and there, weigh myself the next morning, and stay within the five pound range for a month.

Weights:
Day 1 – Tuesday, January 17, 2012: 211.8
Day 2 – Wednesday, January 18, 2012:
Day 3 – Thursday, January 19, 2012: 210.2
Day 4 – Friday, January 20, 2012: 211.6
Day 5 – Saturday, January 21, 2012:
Day 6 – Sunday, January 22, 2012:
Day 7 – Monday, January 23, 2012:
Day 8 – Tuesday, January 24, 2012:
Day 9 – Wednesday, January 25, 2012:
Day 10 – Thursday, January 26, 2012:
Day 11 – Friday, January 27, 2012:
Day 12 – Saturday, January 28, 2012:
Day 13 – Sunday, January 29, 2012:
Day 14 – Monday, January 30, 2012:
Day 15 – Tuesday, January 31, 2012:

Journal:
Day 1 - Tuesday, January 17, 2012: A minor tweak from yesterday. I am recalling how I managed to follow The Novena Diet for about 10 years and keep off weight I had gained in college. I forgot that I never allowed a restart if I had a failure.

2 PM: It is cold outside, and we've had such warm weather that I just am not going to bring the dog for a walk. Instead, I went to the gym and walked there. I'm past 8,000 steps so I will make 10,000 easily by the end of the day. Knowing this diet ends in nine days makes it easy for me to follow it.

Day 2 - Wednesday, January 18, 2012: SUCCESS! I did the strengthening exercises, I walked more than 10,000 steps, I ate three meals with no snacks and sweets, and this morning I did not weigh myself. Eight more days to go!

12 PM: I have to get out of the house. It is cold outside, and all I have to do is clean and work on the financial aid form. Ick! I'm going to go walk at the gym.

Day 3 - Thursday, January 19, 2012: I allowed myself to eat a salad because I was so hungry I was grumpy. Then I ate fruit -- lots of it. Do I regret it? No. I think this might be better for me. At this high weight, I am used to a lot of food. I still need to live while I lose weight. I plan to continue for nine days and then take a month to adjust to the 205 to 210 pound range.

9 PM: I'm a little short on steps, but I did do the strengthening exercises and can make up on the steps tomorrow. I'm eating a lot of fruit, which is why I want to weigh myself. I'll be happy if I can get to Day 9 solidly in the 205 - 210 range for weight.

Day 4 – Friday, January 20, 2012: When I stepped on the scale this morning and saw the weight of 211.6, I almost felt like I was going to throw up. I measured out 1 cup of Cheerios and 1/2 cup of milk for breakfast and am thinking of counting calories (perhaps 1,500/day) until I reach a weight of 205 and then try to maintain, perhaps by using The No S Diet for maintenance. I am going to think about it when I go walking at the gym today, but right now I have to write up who is going to a Boy Scout outing and also meet with a recruiter. I feel calmer for some reason. There is a way to permanent weight loss, and I will find it.

Day 5 – Saturday, January 21, 2012:
Day 6 – Sunday, January 22, 2012:
Day 7 – Monday, January 23, 2012:
Day 8 – Tuesday, January 24, 2012:
Day 9 – Wednesday, January 25, 2012:
Day 10 – Thursday, January 26, 2012:
Day 11 – Friday, January 27, 2012:
Day 12 – Saturday, January 28, 2012:
Day 13 – Sunday, January 29, 2012:
Day 14 – Monday, January 30, 2012:
Day 15 – Tuesday, January 31, 2012:

[3-0-7 girl]

Very interesting. Where did you learn about the Novena diet? I'm real curious.

[Kathleen]

The Novena Diet was my idea. There is a prayer called a novena that is used for someone to concentrate on one prayer idea for a period of nine days. What I noticed when dieting is that you lose a lot of weight right away and then it tails off to the point that the effort in dieting is not worth the rewards of lower weight. I figured that a concentrated effort in dieting would result in a quick weight loss and then waiting would allow me to have my short diets always result in quick weight loss.

There were problems with this approach, and I am remembering them as I am trying to combine the Novena Diet with the No S Diet:
1. If I weighed myself, I would tend to go off the diet.
2. I had to wait at least one month before going on another Novena Diet, and I would procrastinate.
3. When I was following the diet, I would count 1000 calories per day. This meant I became somewhat reclusive so as to avoid being in social situations in which eating was expected.
4. I ate lots of Lean Cuisine. Oh, do I hate Lean Cuisine.

Combining No S with the Novena Diet has meant:
1. The diet itself is no snacks or sweets.
2. As I figured out before, I cannot weight myself during the diet.
3. I have established now when I would repeat the diet: one day and one month after the end of the Novena Diet.

Kathleen

[Eileen7316]

I thought you weren't going to weigh yourself!

[Kathleen]

January 26, 2011: The Hypnosis Diet

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Hypnosis Diet
Day 1 - Thursday, January 26, 2012: 212.4
Day 2 - Friday, January 27, 2012: 213.0
Day 3 - Saturday, January 28, 2012: 212.4
Day 4 - Sunday, January 29, 2011: 214.2

I concluded a long time ago that my weight problem was caused by a certain gullibility and willingness to trust in outside authorities to tell me what to eat instead of to look to myself and trust my body to tell me what to eat. I have been down this path many times with many different approaches, including Intuitive Eating and The Weigh Down Diet.

This is another go-round with a book called I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna. The book has a CD with a 25 minute hypnosis which, more or less, is positive statements about how you savor your food, etc. It doesn't seem likely that listening to this CD would help me to lose the weight I need to lose.

And yet... That's what I'm going to try. Here is my diet:

1. Listen to the CD an average of once per day.
2. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
3. Do strengthening exercises (5 minutes) three times per week.

I will build from this over time.



Weights:
Day 1 – Friday, January 20, 2012: 211.6
Day 2 – Saturday, January 21, 2012: 212.4
Part of the program is that you are not supposed to weigh yourself more than once every two weeks. I think I'll just weigh myself once per month.

Day 1 - Thursday, January 26, 2012: 211.6

Journal:
Day 1 - Tuesday, January 17, 2012: A minor tweak from yesterday. I am recalling how I managed to follow The Novena Diet for about 10 years and keep off weight I had gained in college. I forgot that I never allowed a restart if I had a failure.

2 PM: It is cold outside, and we've had such warm weather that I just am not going to bring the dog for a walk. Instead, I went to the gym and walked there. I'm past 8,000 steps so I will make 10,000 easily by the end of the day. Knowing this diet ends in nine days makes it easy for me to follow it.

Day 2 - Wednesday, January 18, 2012: SUCCESS! I did the strengthening exercises, I walked more than 10,000 steps, I ate three meals with no snacks and sweets, and this morning I did not weigh myself. Eight more days to go!

12 PM: I have to get out of the house. It is cold outside, and all I have to do is clean and work on the financial aid form. Ick! I'm going to go walk at the gym.

Day 3 - Thursday, January 19, 2012: I allowed myself to eat a salad because I was so hungry I was grumpy. Then I ate fruit -- lots of it. Do I regret it? No. I think this might be better for me. At this high weight, I am used to a lot of food. I still need to live while I lose weight. I plan to continue for nine days and then take a month to adjust to the 205 to 210 pound range.

9 PM: I'm a little short on steps, but I did do the strengthening exercises and can make up on the steps tomorrow. I'm eating a lot of fruit, which is why I want to weigh myself. I'll be happy if I can get to Day 9 solidly in the 205 - 210 range for weight.

Day 1 – Friday, January 20, 2012: When I stepped on the scale this morning and saw the weight of 211.6, I almost felt like I was going to throw up. I measured out 1 cup of Cheerios and 1/2 cup of milk for breakfast and am thinking of counting calories (perhaps 1,500/day) until I reach a weight of 205 and then try to maintain, perhaps by using The No S Diet for maintenance. I am going to think about it when I go walking at the gym today, but right now I have to write up who is going to a Boy Scout outing and also meet with a recruiter. I feel calmer for some reason. There is a way to permanent weight loss, and I will find it.

Day 2 – Saturday, January 21, 2012: Yesterday at about 3, I started eating what was in the house, which included ice cream sandwiches and baked bread. At about 4:30, I took Katie to Ski Club and came back by way of a shoe store so I could look at boots on sale. I then went in Half Priced Books and looked around for about 1/2 hour. I found a book on weight loss that uses hypnosis. How low could I sink? I bought it, took it home, started reading it, and tried using the CD with hypnosis.

It was the weirdest thing. It was like being put under for surgery. I came to at the very end. Tom got home from seeing Tommy's swim meet, and we went down to pick up Katie and Ellie from Ski Club. I sat talking with one of the mothers who had brought food for the kids, and right before me was a tray of mini-cupcakes. I looked at that tray and thought : no interest. No interest whatsoever.

Had something happened? I don't know, but I am going to continue reading the book and listening to the CD.

Day 3 – Sunday, January 22, 2012: OK. It's hokey. Still, there is some truth to what is in the book. You are supposed to imagine what it would be like with you in a thin body. I did do something different as a result of this imagination. Yesterday, Tom said something hurtful to me. This morning, I repeated what he said and said it hurt. He said it didn't come out right. I said no more, but I get a lot of criticism from him. Am I using food as an anti-depressant? I am not blaming him for my weight, but maybe the problem is not so much my appetite as my desire to suppress my feelings rather than express them.

Day 4 – Monday, January 23, 2012: 212.0
Day 5 – Tuesday, January 24, 2012: 212.8 This morning, I woke up with a sense of deja vu -- my life repeating itself like in the movie Groundhog Day. This diet is very like Intuitive Eating or one written by the guy who set up the Web site Thintuition. The entire society argues against this approach. The goal is to not be hungry! Yesterday, for example, I heard an ad for hunger free minnesota. Come on! The goal is to wait for hunger before eating!

What I need, I think, is a leap of faith. I need to trust that it will be OK for me to trust my body, to wait for hunger, to eat what I want, and to stop when satisfied. This author has four golden rules, and they are those three plus eat consciously to maximize enjoyment.

How do I make that leap of faith? I don't really know. There is a famous line from Augustine about "faith seeking understanding." The idea behind it is that you need to believe first and then understanding will come. I think that may be where I am with this diet. I need to have faith it will work, practice it, and then gain understanding by doing.

2:14 PM: It is not possible to follow an intuitive eating approach unless you definitively give up dieting for life. The saying "crossing the Rubicon" comes to mind.

4:07 PM: This author says that the most important thing is to consciously enjoy every mouthful. If you do that, everything else falls into place. That is what I am going to do.

9:41 PM: I was thinking that I have to choose, and I have to make a decision like St. Paul deciding for Christianity. Then, somewhere in my memory, I pulled up the fact that tomorrow is the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul. Sure enough... I looked it up, and it is!

I sound crazy even to myself. I cannot go between an intuitive eating approach and a dieting approach. I need to decide. It seems to me that dieting gets worse and worse over time. My ten years of dieting got harder and harder even though I was at a good weight -- under 140.

Now what? Vascillating means pigging out followed by a few hours of not eating. That's no good either.

I have to decide.

Day 1 – Wednesday, January 25, 2012: 212.8 I empathize with people who try to stop smoking or drinking. Last night, I was awake several times trying to figure out, yet again, what to do. I decided to try chewing each bite 10 times and walking an average of 10,000 steps per day. I can do these two things with perfection. While it would be nice to consciously enjoy every bite, what exactly does that mean in terms of behavior? It's just not measurable. I've also concluded that you don't go anywhere without exercise.

3:15 PM: I am now going to a personal trainer. It's pathetic, but maybe I need accountability.

Day 1 – Thursday, January 26, 2012: 212.4 I can tell that that hypnosis CD is working. I think all I am going to do is listen to that CD and do my exercises: an average of 10,000 steps per day plus the sunrise pose from yoga plus the first two exercises from the book Strong Women Stay Slim. These exercises were modified by the personal trainer but it's the same thing. What needs to change is my outlook and my eating habits will change as a result.

Day 8 – Friday, January 27, 2012: My knees hurt coming up the stairs last night, and my weight is up but I don't want to give up on this. There is something positive, and that positive is that I felt negative in my body about the amount I was eating yesterday. It did not feel good.

Day 4 – Sunday, January 29, 2012: Yesterday I got through the mail the companion book to I Can Make You Thin which is a 90 day journal.
I decided to start this 90 day journal today and so last night was a "last supper." Yesterday I spent the day with a number of other 5th grade parents as we watched our children participate in a state lego robotics competition. During a lunch break, the thin father of a boy leaned down to tell him to slow down to eat his bagel. I thought that was rather interesting.

This morning I had a cup of Cheerios rather than a bowl. I'm so full that I could not even taste the Cheerios.

Now I'll switch to this hand written journal for 90 days. If I'm not lower in weight by the end of 90 days, I'll go back to The No S Diet and accept a weight in the 190s.

[Kathleen]

Eileen7316,
When I decided to allow unlimited consumption of fruits and vegetables, I thought it was too risky not to weigh myself. I'm still holding to nine days for dieting followed by a month of stabilizing weight.
Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

What I need, I think, is a leap of faith.
I need to trust that it will be OK for me to trust my body,
to wait for hunger, to eat what I want, and to stop when satisfied.

I can listen to spiritual and psychological guru's telling me I can fly,
that all I need is the faith to jump off the building.

If I choose to jump off the building and fall to my death,
.....because the laws of science and nature will not allow me to fly....
Those guru's will simply say that I didn't have enough faith.

Obese, and formerly obese people, cannot trust their bodies
to lose weight or maintain lost weight.
It is a matter of physical science,
(despite all the wishful thinking and marketing lies of those intuitive eating gurus).
An obese body wants to protect and keep its fat,
a formerly obese body wants to regain its fat.
An obese or formerly obese person who listens to their body
and eats what their body tells them to eat, will always be fat.

I've told you this many times before in the years since 2008.
You WANT to believe that Intuitive Eating Lie so much,
that every time you come to a realization of the truth,
you've been able to sustain that knowledge only for an instant.
So you weigh about the same as you did
when you started in 2008.

There are many lovely lies put out in the dieting world.
For obese people, intuitive eating is one of them.
My advice continues to be: Give up that lie for all time,
and accept the truth that you are involved in a lifetime struggle.
You must fight your physical body
.....as well as your mental desire...
to acheive the weight-loss you hope for.

It does take faith ....(but in truth, not fantasy) ... to lose weight,
All the faith in the world won't make me fly when I jump off a building.
but.... EXCEPT for your inability to sustain any long-term acceptance
of the truth that your own body has been telling you for years,....
it doesn't appear to me that a lack of FAITH is your problem.
Remember that scripture...."Faith without works is dead".

[Kathleen]

BrigthAngel,
I welcome your chiding of me. Look at the history: lost 20 pounds on two legs of the three legged stool of No S (no snacks, no sweets, but unlimited portions). Having strayed from No S, my weight went up to almost the starting point. Now what? I'm not ready to say the intuitive eating approach is an illusion. I have a little fifth grader who is naturally thin, and I am observing her.
Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

I'm not ready to say the intuitive eating approach is an illusion.
I have a little fifth grader who is naturally thin, and I am observing her.

Yes, I can see that you still have an intense desire to believe in the intuitive eating lie...
despite your extensive history of failure with it.

First, your body is an obese body, and there is a great deal of evidence,
that a person who has an Obese or formerly Obese body
does not have the same body chemistry as someone who has never been really, really fat,
or someone who has always been "naturally" thin.

Next, you use your fifth grade daughter as an example,
but she has not yet entered puberty,
and many girls who appear to be "naturally" thin began gaining weight after that time.
Is she really even "naturally thin"? It is too early to tell.
Was your oldest daughter already fat before reaching puberty?

Of course that is not a determining factor,
it could be that your 5th grader has genetics more like your husband,
and that her genetics are not the same as yours or your older daughter,
and that she truly is naturally thin....
This...of course...does not mean that she cannot abuse her body
and become obese...which would void that condition.

No matter....
using a comparison of the body of an obese adult to a "naturally thin" 5th grader
to justify the premise of intuitive eating goes far beyond any kind of reasonable thinking.

[Kathleen]

BrightAngel,
The people on my husband's side of the family are all obese except for my husband who is overweight. It is my side of the family that is slim! Only I am the exception. When I married my husband, I could not believe how heavy his sisters in particular were. Now I fit right in! I need to go ahead with this but will keep you informed. If I fail, I am lesson for others. If I succeed, I am also a lesson for others.
Kathleen

[3-0-7 girl]

OH Bright Angel, this is sooooooooo spot on the truth!!!!!!!!!!! Amen SISTAH!!!

I spent I can't tell you the number of years trying to BECOME a "thin eater" or an intutitive eater or a Geneen Roth clone or a successful Weigh Downer. I read every single book out there on the eat when hungry and eat what you want theory. I gained weight. I read more books, took more seminars and classes, I gained more weight. I went to a weeek long camp 4 times based on this type of eating, I signed up for an online service where I could listen to talks and watch webinars on this method any time I wanted to. I read emails and blogs and watched You Tube videos. GUESS WHAT? I never made it a whole week susscessfully. I couldn't do it. It was a fantasy. I was trying my best to wring a happy ending out of an impossible situation.

What I need, I think, is a leap of faith.
I need to trust that it will be OK for me to trust my body,
to wait for hunger, to eat what I want, and to stop when satisfied.

I can listen to spiritual and psychological guru's telling me I can fly,
that all I need is the faith to jump off the building.

If I choose to jump off the building and fall to my death,
.....because the laws of science and nature will not allow me to fly....
Those guru's will simply say that I didn't have enough faith.

Obese, and formerly obese people, cannot trust their bodies
to lose weight or maintain lost weight.
It is a matter of physical science,
(despite all the wishful thinking and marketing lies of those intuitive eating gurus).
An obese body wants to protect and keep its fat,
a formerly obese body wants to regain its fat.
An obese or formerly obese person who listens to their body
and eats what their body tells them to eat, will always be fat.

I've told you this many times before in the years since 2008.
You WANT to believe that Intuitive Eating Lie so much,
that every time you come to a realization of the truth,
you've been able to sustain that knowledge only for an instant.
So you weigh about the same as you did
when you started in 2008.

There are many lovely lies put out in the dieting world.
For obese people, intuitive eating is one of them.
My advice continues to be: Give up that lie for all time,
and accept the truth that you are involved in a lifetime struggle.
You must fight your physical body
.....as well as your mental desire...
to acheive the weight-loss you hope for.

It does take faith ....(but in truth, not fantasy) ... to lose weight,
All the faith in the world won't make me fly when I jump off a building.
but.... EXCEPT for your inability to sustain any long-term acceptance
of the truth that your own body has been telling you for years,....
it doesn't appear to me that a lack of FAITH is your problem.
Remember that scripture...."Faith without works is dead".

[Kathleen]

3-0-7 girl:
Yes, I've tried, too. I'm taking a risk in going down this path once again with a different program. I see some changes in my thinking that are hopeful. There's some sort of saying I've heard about how thoughts affect feelings which affect behavior, and this hypnosis program tries to change thoughts and feelings.
Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

3 There's some sort of saying I've heard
about how thoughts affect feelings which affect behavior,
and this hypnosis program tries to change thoughts and feelings.

I believe that positive thoughts can change our feelings (emotions)
and therefore result in a change in our behavior.

However this is a psychological process.
while
Hunger involves a physiological process.

We use the word "feelings" for two different sensations.

feelings can be emotions = psychology
feelings can be body sensations ….. hunger = physiology

This is the basic flaw in the theories of intuitive eating.

When I experience the strong feelings that tell me I need to urinate,
I can think positive thoughts, and this can make me feel better emotionally,
however, these thoughts will not change my body's physical sensations
which are associated with the physiological process of urination,
and…ultimately …. my body will follow through with the specific behavior
that my body feels is needed.

Urination is an physical process, over which we have learned
to achieve a measured amount of control,
and when we receive the signals from our body,
we don't have to give in immediately, and
we can choose to temporarily delay the process of elimination.
If we do not choose to delay…we will commit a socially unacceptable act.
and, eventually …no matter what we are thinking… the body will do what it does.

Hunger is also a physical process, over which we have learned
to achieve a measured amount of control.
and when we receive the signals from our body,
we don't have to give in immediately, and
we can consciously choose to delay the process of eating,
and we can consciously choose what foods to use to satisfy that immediate hunger.

However, if an obese, or reduced obese, person eats only in response
to the signals of their body (feelings of hunger)
they will remain fat…
(which some consider a socially unacceptable act)

Because the body has it's own agenda,
It will do everything it can to protect its fat stores.
An obese person's body isn't going to natrually try to become normal weight,
the obese person's body sees it's job is to keep its fat.

All of the positive thinking in the world
will never change the natural inner workings of the body.

We can't fly.
We must urinate.
Hunger signals from an obese, or reduced obese, body
come from the body's perceived need to protect fat stores,
and despite positive thinking .. no matter what our emotions tell us…
Once we have become Obese,..or reduced obese..
our bodies will signal us to eat in a way that will make and keep us fat.

In order to become normal weight, and stay normal weight,
we … who are obese or formerly obese...
will ALWAYS have to over-ride our body's "natural" signals,
and use the CONSCIOUS PROCESS of choosing to eat
the types and amounts of food that will keep our body normal weight.

Intuitive eating is a lovely fairy tale.
But Prince Charming is never coming with a glass slipper,
and an obese person will never become normal weight by listening to their body.

[3-0-7 girl]

Intuitive eating is a lovely fairy tale.
But Prince Charming is never coming with a glass slipper,
and an obese person will never become normal weight by listening to their body.
_________________


WHOA!!!!! So perfectly said! Awesome statement. Like I have said in other post on this thread and others on NOS, I am a lving breathing example of someone who has made every possible effort thru every channel I could find to become an intuitive or thin eater!!! It didn't happen. It can't be done. That's it end of story.

I do know from years of experience in the past eating 3 meals a day and no snacks, seconds, one plate, 3-0-7 becomes a habit and it gets eaiser and far less of a struggle to do daily.

I suspect those who have supposedly become intutite or thin eaters have established a similar pattern to NOS and eat only twice or three times or four times a day and have small servings at those occastions and now have a new habit . I do not believe they have changed their body's metabolism or mechanism to protect its self and want to eat more than they do. These people will have to be vigilant their whole lives with their new habits.

[milliem]

3-0-7 girl:
There's some sort of saying I've heard about how thoughts affect feelings which affect behavior
Kathleen

This isn't a saying, it's the premise of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy There's a huge amount of evidence behind it - basically exactly what you said happens, our thoughts/beliefs/attitudes about something affect our emotions, and these two things together affect our behaviour.

Example:
We think: 'Gah if I don't succeed on this diet I'm a TOTAL FAILURE!'
We feel: Stressed, under pressure, depressed, angry (at ourselves), frustrated (when we inevitably fail)
We do: Set ourselves up for failure, set unrealistic targets, totally give up when we make one mistake etc. etc.

If we can identify (and change) the thoughts, the feelings and behaviour will follow. It really does work! There's also 'rational emotive behavioural therapy' (REBT) which is similar, but focused more on the emotions side.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthin ... s/cbt.aspx
http://www.rebt.org/public/rebt.html

[Kathleen]

I'm remembering something from long ago: Feature/Function/Benefit. That's an old sales lingo. Features need to be tied to functions which need to be tied to benefits. What is the benefit of overeating?

There is some line about feelings that I don't remember, but I think it is something like feelings follow behavior and there might even be reference to a third thing like thinking. I think I pulled this from religion and not psychology, but I'm not sure.

As a man thnketh... I found that there is a free download of the book online.

Kathleen

BrightAngel,
I don't believe there is a psyiological problem for me. I think it has to do with how I think of myself.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

Quote from 3-0-7 girl:
I suspect those who have supposedly become intutite or thin eaters have established a similar pattern to NOS and eat only twice or three times or four times a day and have small servings at those occastions and now have a new habit . I do not believe they have changed their body's metabolism or mechanism to protect its self and want to eat more than they do. These people will have to be vigilant their whole lives with their new habits.

I'm thinking about this.

Kathleen

My diet is a modification of The No S Diet in that I eat three meals per day plus anytime I am definitely hungry plus for situations in which it would be socially awkward for me not to eat. I have one Exception Day per month when I can do what I please with regard to food. In addition, I will walk an average of 10,000 steps this month and will do one strengthening exercise three times per week.

Day 1 - Wednesday, February 1: 213.2 I am never hungry so it is really hard to follow a diet in which the idea is that you wait for hunger. It's not going to work because there is just too big of a shift. Instead, what I'll try to do is eat small meals and see when I get hungry. If I do get hungry, which I have sometimes -- maybe once a year ago? -- I'll try to wait for the next meal. I underestimated the difficulty of losing weight. What most concerns me is how much it will affect my enjoyment of camping this summer. How will I fit in a sleeping bag?

February 3 update: I think that 3-0--7 girl makes a valid point that we obese need a few rules in order to be formerly obese. Rather than going back to No S Diet rules, I'm trying ones around how I eat rather than what I eat, when I eat, or how much I eat. In addition, I'm putting into place rules for exercise.


_________________________________

February 2, 2011: The Groundhog Day Diet




The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Groundhog Day Diet
Day 1 - Thursday, February 2: 214.0

My favorite movie is Groundhog Day, and it is a fitting title for my diet especially with Day 1 on February 2. I've been around and around on dieting and have gotten nowhere, like a hamster on a wheel.

What is my diet now?

1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
2. Do strengthening exercises, starting with just one exercise this month which is standing and sitting for two sets of five times each.
3. Listen to the CD on becoming thin.




Weights:
Day 1 – Thursday, February 2, 2012: 214.0
Day 2 – Friday, February 3, 2012: 213.2
Day 3 – Saturday, February 4, 2012: 214.0
Day 4 – Sunday, February 5, 2012: 213.2
Day 5 – Monday, February 6, 2012:
Day 6 – Tuesday, February 7, 2012:
Day 7 – Wednesday, February 8, 2012:
Day 8 – Thursday, February 9, 2012:
Day 9 – Friday, February 10, 2012:
Day 10 – Saturday, February 11, 2012:
Day 11 – Sunday, February 12, 2012:
Day 12 – Monday, February 13, 2012:
Day 13 – Tuesday, February 14, 2012:
Day 14 – Wednesday, February 15, 2012:
Day 15 – Thursday, February 16, 2012:
Day 16 – Friday, February 17, 2012:
Day 17 – Saturday, February 18, 2012:
Day 18 – Sunday, February 19, 2012:
Day 19 – Monday, February 20, 2012:
Day 20 – Tuesday, February 21, 2012:
Day 21 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012:
Day 22 – Thursday, February 23, 2012:
Day 23 – Friday, February 24, 2012:
Day 24 – Saturday, February 25, 2012:
Day 25 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 26 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 27 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 28 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:


Journal:
Day 1 – Thursday, February 2, 2012: 214.0 Listening to the CD from I Can Make You Thin, I have been introduced to a different world, a world filled with self-compassion and self-respect. This sounds all so New Age, especially since the CD is labeled as a way to hypnotize yourself to lose weight.

I see changes, mostly in how sensitive I am to how my husband treats me. What he does has gone unnoticed and now I am noticing how he treats me. For example, yesterday morning we were sitting next to each other, and I started talking to him. He immediately pulled out his cell phone. I asked if he got a call or an email. He said no: he was just checking his messages and he could hear me while he was doing that.

Well, I stopped talking. I waited for him to finish.

How many times has he done something like this? I have no idea, but I bet it is not the first time. It was just the first time I noticed.

8 PM: Tom took Anne for a program at a school where she was accepted, and tonight I had the other kids watch the movie Groundhog Day with me. What a terrific uplifting movie!

Day 2 – Friday, February 3, 2012: 213.2 I think this will work at least to some extent. For example, I love reading. Now I read and eat. In future, I must choose between reading and eating. Sometimes I will choose eating and other times I will choose reading.

10 PM: I was hungry when I got home tonight. Why? Because I did not want to stop to eat and so I ate less. This is a promising beginning!

Day 3 – Saturday, February 4, 2012: 214.0 I thought I did well, and I did not. The reason why? I think, looking back, that my focus on rules has made me pay even less attention to whether or not I am hungry. Now I have these rules:
1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
2. Do strengthening exercises, starting with just one exercise this month which is standing and sitting for two sets of five times each.
3. Listen to the CD on becoming thin.
4. Except for social reasons, wait for hunger before eating.

7 AM: After deciding to "wait for hunger" as part of my diet, I went back to bed and listened to that CD. The CD says the same thing, but with the CD I am just listening and not doing. Thinking about actually waiting for hunger made me feel like I was going to throw up. Why? I don't know. I felt terrified.

I concluded that I should not do anything more with regard to my weight than listen to that CD every day. Over time, I hope to be cured of this fear of hunger.

8 PM: Things are getting way too personal to record on a diet blog. This afternoon, anticipating Tom coming home, I felt sick to my stomach. When it came time to go to Anne's concert, I decided against going because I really was not feeling well. Tom said I seem to get sick when he is around. It's true. I think I did get sick because he was coming home. Now what? I think I need to plunge in and listen to that CD every day. My weight problem may be a symptom of overeating, but the overeating may be a symptom of something else. I think I'm going to find out.

Day 4 – Sunday, February 5, 2012: 213.2 It's the hypnosis CD that is making me so sensitive to my husband's disrespectful treatment of me. This morning, he asked if I was upset, I said yes, and then he said maybe he should move out. Great. Very helpful. I don't know that I should worry too much about my weight. I think that I'm getting to a much deeper problem, and that CD is helping me to recognize it. I listened to it again today. It's very soothing. It is pretty New Agey with a lot of "trust yourself" and "don't be harsh".

Day 5 – Monday, February 6, 2012:
Day 6 – Tuesday, February 7, 2012:
Day 7 – Wednesday, February 8, 2012:
Day 8 – Thursday, February 9, 2012:
Day 9 – Friday, February 10, 2012:
Day 10 – Saturday, February 11, 2012:
Day 11 – Sunday, February 12, 2012:
Day 12 – Monday, February 13, 2012:
Day 13 – Tuesday, February 14, 2012:
Day 14 – Wednesday, February 15, 2012:
Day 15 – Thursday, February 16, 2012:
Day 16 – Friday, February 17, 2012:
Day 17 – Saturday, February 18, 2012:
Day 18 – Sunday, February 19, 2012:
Day 19 – Monday, February 20, 2012:
Day 20 – Tuesday, February 21, 2012:
Day 21 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012:
Day 22 – Thursday, February 23, 2012:
Day 23 – Friday, February 24, 2012:
Day 24 – Saturday, February 25, 2012:
Day 25 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 26 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 27 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 28 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,

Let me know what you decide on for your exercise program. We could do it together, virtually speaking.

Requiring that we be treated respectfully is in my opinion crucial. We need to expect others to treat us as well as we treat them, and it doesn't always happen unless we demand it.

I've read what you've reported your husband as saying to you about your weight, and about your clothes, and I remember thinking that if MY husband said these things, he'd be my late husband!!

I'm sure your husband's a good guy in other ways, but a strange and contradictory fact of human nature is that sometimes, the more we do for people, the more they expect, and appreciation is sometimes not in the mix. Another thought is that, because he's overweight himself, he may be disappointed in himself for being unable to lose weight (and keep it off) and is critical of you instead of being critical of himself.

But, my cyber-friend, if I may say so, you could help also by NOT disparaging yourself or your looks-it doesn't help your progress to call your body "disgusting" as you've done a few times. Treat your body with loving care-feed it well, exercise it well, dress it well, and believe that you and your body are worth all of this.

And so concludes my therapy session for today.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,

I got a chuckle out of what you wrote! Tom is in many ways a good husband but his worst trait is how he treats me which is sometimes very disrespectfully. I think my eyes are opening up to this fact and now I need to figure out what to do about it. Yesterday it was very easy to figure out what to do: I stopped talking until he paid attention!

I am thinking that I should have as my aerobic program an average of 10,000 steps per day. Yesterday I walked a grand total of 3,766 steps.

The personal trainer gave me three exercises to do. I think that may be too many for a start, so I'm doing just one. I sit down and stand up for two sets of five times.

Kathleen

[Kathleen]

February 14, 2011: The Naturally Thin Diet




The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Naturally Thin Diet
Day 1 - Wednesday, February 15, 2012: 214.2

Diet: Once per day, try to listen to the CD at the back of the book I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna.

I promise myself that I will not do anything ever again to manage my eating.

Day 1 - Monday, February 6, 2012: 215.0
Day 2 - Tuesday, February 7, 2012:
Day 3 - Wednesday, February 8, 2012: 214.4
Day 4 - Thursday, February 9, 2012:
Day 5 - Friday, February, 10, 2012: 213.6
Day 6 – Saturday, February 11, 2012:
Day 7 – Sunday, February 12, 2012:
Day 8 – Monday, February 13, 2012: 213.6

Journal:
Day 1 – Monday, February 6, 2012: 215.0 I am going to follow the book I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna. Tonight, I realized that this must be my highest priority. If I do not get my weight under control, my health will be destroyed. At least to my knowledge, my health is not yet destroyed, but I am tempting fate.

Day 2 – Tuesday, February 7, 2012: I need courage. For some reason that I do not know, I am terrified of hunger. Any diet involving belly-gazing tends to result in immediate binge behavior. This diet involves gauging hunger. I think what I am going to do is take the wisdom of No S and apply it to this diet. I am going to avoid snacks so that I am only belly gazing at mealtime or in social situations.

Time drags on because I am not getting too far in finding a job. Yesterday there was silence from the people who had submitted me. Today, at least, I have back to back volunteer commitments so I'll be busy.

This is something I wrote in my planner on the cover sometime in the last year: "By perfect practice of a single virtue a person can reach the heights in all virtue." It is by St. Francis de Sales. As I sit here, with my ring off and barely able to cross my legs due to the fat, I think that my life will be swallowed up if I do not lose weight. The difference between 203 and 215 in how I feel is just enormous.

I would gauge my hunger level now at between an 8 and a 9, somewhere around "stuffed". Do I eat breakfast? No.

I will get nowhere unless I face my fear of hunger.

9 AM: It felt good to take the dog out in this brisk weather. I am due to run a math enrichment class at 10:15 and give an art presentation at 12:30. Without food, I think I could feel faint. It's all psychological, and I know it, but I think the best approach may be that I have at least a small amount of food at every meal. Before I leave, I'll have a bowl of Cheerios.

5:30 PM: I came home and ate leftover Super Bowl food, like chips which I don't even like. Why? I cannot diet. My reaction is to binge.

Suddenly, I feel free. I'm done with dieting. I'll work on exercise and listen to that hypnosis CD and that's it.

Day 4 – Thursday, February 9, 2012: I woke up this morning feeling not at all well and then realized maybe it was food poisoning -- not food poisoning because of the choice of food but rather food poisoning because of the quantity of food. That CD is reprogramming my brain in a way. I'm learning I don't want to eat as much. I want to wait until I am truly hungry. My diet has become one thing only: to listen to that CD an average of once per day.

Day 5 – Friday, February 10, 2012: 213.6 I listened to the CD twice yesterday. I decided to continue wearing a pedometer, but yesterday I only got to 7,500 steps. I had an unlikely source of support for this approach from last night's meeting of the local chapter of a business analyst meeting. The presentation included a short description of the brain's response to external events and how the amidayla (no idea how to spell it, but it is the reptile brain) responds to stress with certain set reactions like a faster heart beat or sweating. I sat there thinking that, over the years and years of dieting, my body has gotten to the point where the stressful reaction to even a thought of dieting is to binge.

With the book I Can Make You Thin, I cannot manage to do any of the things the author recommends except to passively listen to the CD. It's just unbelievable. I cannot even manage to work on something as simple and specific as eating without reading. Any sort of commitment to do anything to manage my eating results in immediate binge behavior.

Will passively listening to a CD affect my eating? It has. For example, one of the recommendations is to eat what you want. Last night, I got home from the presentation having had some soup at dinnertime. I wanted to eat. Tom had bought coffee ice cream. I had some, knowing that was not what I wanted. Then I proceeded to have what I wanted, which was 1/2 peanut butter sandwich. I realized during/after eating the ice cream that I should just have what I want. Sure enough, the ice cream did not satisfy me. The lessons from the CD are sinking in, but I just need to give it time. The CD is all about being calm and letting my body have the time it needs.

I've been in a panic for so long about dieting that I can see that this CD will have a positive impact on me. The question is whether I will lose weight.

7:30 AM: With the CD, you are supposed to follow the directions given in the CD to do things like imagine yourself at a lower weight. I don't necessarily even do that. In fact, yesterday I had the headphones on while reading the paper. Why? Why I am so rebellious? I think it may be from years and years of dieting.

I am following what I can, which is to place the headphones on my head and listen through to the entire CD, even if I end up falling asleep or not paying attention. I think this will work because my attitude towards food is changing. I had a bit of hesitancy about eating that coffee ice cream, but I went ahead. Next time, under similar circumstances, I may or may not eat it but eventually I won't because I'll know ahead of eating it that I would not satisfy me. What a long journey I have been on, and now I think I am finally headed in the right direction.

Day 7 – Sunday, February 12, 2012: I am trying to avoid weighing myself so that weight fluctuations do not discourage me. Yesterday, I ended up running around in the morning because two kids were at sleepovers, and I wasn't ready to eat before I left so I first ate at about 11:20 AM by which time I was ready! The first solid thing I am noticing about my eating is that I do not want to eat right away in the morning. Part of the instruction in the CD is along the lines of "You find that you are compelled to wait until you are truly hungry before you start to eat." The program has four simple rules:
1. When you are hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you really want.
3. Eat consciously.
4. When you are satisfied, stop.
Am I following any of these rules? No. After I started eating yesterday, it was very like my normal eating of random grazing. I did not stop myself. I did not even attempt to change my behavior. Instead, I am relying 100% on listening to the CD to change my behavior. To push myself along, I have been listening to it more than once per day. Yesterday, I listened to it four times, including once when I woke up at 4 AM. This morning, I listened to it in bed at about 5 AM.

The biggest emotional change for me is reduced stress. I just feel relief. There is no attempt whatsoever at control of my eating. I am recognizing now how much stress is involved in controlling eating because it is just ebbing away. I feel so good about this approach that I may continue it no matter how much I weigh as I listen to the CD, although my plan is to go down to once per day for listening.

Meanwhile, I got a very stressful insight into what it is like to be dependent on other people's money. Part of the reason I have not been aggressively jobhunting has been to make sure Anne was set for college. Part of getting her ready has been for me to get all the information together for a financial aid application. Several of the more prestigious schools, with $50,000+ in cost, require a form that had 17 pages in questions. We had some work to do to fill out the applications. Yesterday, we finally submitted the FASFA which needed to be completed by 2/15. There is instant feedback of what the family is expected to pay towards tuition. The feedback was our expected financial contribution is $40,000. I laughed. Were they kidding? We are in our 50s, we have three younger children, we have two old cars, and we need to save more towards retirement rather than dispose of assets for college.

Instead of feeling angry, I ended up feeling relieved. I don't want the government telling me what we can afford. I told Anne that, unless she manages to get many thousand of dollars in merit scholarship money, she is going to the U of M. I don't want her stuck with $100,000 in debt when she graduates with a BS. Tom and I discussed the financial aid application process this morning, and we both agreed we aren't doing it again. We've heard of people who have bought cars ahead of filing their FASFA. We did change our spending but only in a minor way of getting Anne her college computer and throwing Katie into braces in December rather than January. We moved forward two very necessary expenses. We still have two cars, one with 97,000 miles on it and one with 119,000 miles on it.

The analogy I see to this diet vs. others, including No S, is that I am not being told what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, etc. I get to define hunger, just as we get to decide affordable.

I must admit that I feel a little guilty at this point about posting on the No S web site, since I am following an approach that is much different, except that the author has been so gracious in encouraging people to post their experiences with weight loss. My situation is very extreme in that even the thought of dieting resulted in binge behavior and even a very easy diet approach from I Can Make You Thin like eating consciously resulted in binge behavior.

It has occurred to me that those who are most obese are those who have tried the hardest, and I think I fall right into that camp. I had an aunt (married into the family, so not biologically related) who looked like me when she was first married (120s - 130s in weight), who looked like me in middle age (200 or so in weight), and who died at age 74 at an unknown weight, but a lift was required to put her on the toilet. My Mom told me she thought she weighed 350 - 400 pounds. Now I wonder if she struggled like I have struggled.

9 PM: Katie talked me into getting frozen cheesecake when we went to Costco. Katie, Ellie and I had some after dinner. I didn't even think about it: I had less than half a slice because I wasn't that hungry. Anne came and got some. She noticed the half slice and asked if I had had it. I said yes. In a snarky tone perfected by teenagers, she asked if this was my new diet. I said that my new diet is to listen to that CD only and eat whatever I want. She said it sounded like intuitive eating, and I said it did. Still, I didn't even notice I'd had less than a slice until Anne pointed it out to me. There was no sense of deprivation whatsoever. I ate exactly as much as I wanted. Maybe this is a good sign!

Day 8 – Monday, February 13, 2012: 213.6 Would I be willing to settle for my current weight if this diet does not result in a lower weight? No. Still, I am hopeful regarding this approach. I put no restraints on my eating these last few days, and I did not gain weight. Yesterday I listened to the CD three times. The third time was too much. Today I'll try to listen twice. I've already listened once.

4:20 PM: This morning, I had Cheerios and a clementine before I took Anne to a special presentation for high school seniors admitted into the Honors Program. We got there, and they had really scrumptious food like blueberry and raspberry scones. I salivated but it seemed repulsive to me to actually take any food since I wasn't hungry. By the break at 10, I was ready to have a scone. I took her back to school about 1 and came home. Before Ellie got home at 3, I had lunch and then I saw the cheesecake in the freezer. I had the remaining half of the cheesecake that I had not eaten last night and then started to shovel an entire piece down my gullet. Ellie got off the bus before I was finished. Embarrassed, I wrapped the remainder of the cheesecake in a napkin and put it in my purse before I left to pick up Katie and Anne from the bus stop. By the time I got home, I felt sick about how much I ate -- not emotionally sick but physically sick! By setting aside the guilt about overeating, I was able to fully appreciate the negative impact on my body right now of overeating. Ick! I then listened to the CD again. I am now having a glass of milk to settle my stomach, and the rest of the cheesecake went in the garbage. I am not sure if weighing myself this morning helped to precipitate this binge. It may have, but I think that the bigger influence was past habit. In fact, I think the CD is a way to set up my mind to accept a change in habit. This will take time, and that's just fine.

10 PM: I think I should not have weighed myself. Tonight, I pigged out on chocolate covered almonds, another treat that Katie talked me into at Costco on Sunday. I think I should just weigh myself monthly.

Day 9 – Tuesday, February 14, 2012: I listened to the CD last night and listened again this morning at 4. I concluded that what I need to tell myself is that I deserve to enjoy my food. Also, I decided to go back to wearing the pedometer and monitoring my steps because it does result in an increase in exercise. Today is Ellie's birthday. She's 11 years old. How the years fly!

8:42 AM: The dog has not had a walk in several days. I now am wearing my pedometer.

10:42 AM: Oh, come on... I resolved to tell myself that I deserve to enjoy my food, and this resulted in a binge? Even I was surprised. The timing is bad, too, because I'm going to lunch with a friend and will not be able to skip lunch. In less than 5 minutes, I wolfed down 1 1/2 slices of cheesecake with an estimate of 750 calories. I am done, done, done with dieting. My plan is to focus on exercises and to listen to the CD an average of one time per day. I will allow myself to weigh myself once per month. That is it. Those are the rules. God help me.

11:15 AM: I think I'm just going to update this blog once per month. I am far, far from anything like No S Diet, and the reason why is that I binge whenever I try to restrict my eating in any way, shape, or form. I'll be back in early March, I promise.

Day 1: I still have an hourglass figure; however, I got a lot more attention when I was 20+ years younger and 36 - 24 - 36! I cannot hope to return to that earlier age or figure, but I can monitor my diet with measurements rather than weights on a scale. I'm done with the scale. I'm done with any attempt to manage my eating. All I am going to do is listen daily to the CD and work on exercise.

Day 1 – Wednesday, February 15, 2012: This morning, I realized the benefit of listening to that CD, and the benefit is to help me relax and feel control around food. Yesterday, I decided to make a lifelong commitment never to diet again. Period. It was precipitated by the binge I experienced yesterday after I weighed myself. Today I weighed myself again. Weighing myself is not the problem. Deciding to change what I do with regard to weight loss as a result of weighing myself is the problem. I'm free of dieting. It has done nothing but create stress which has led to binge behavior which has resulted in a higher weight and even more stress.

Day 2 – Thursday, February 16, 2012: 214.4 It was very strange, but I woke up today without the driving desire to binge. It just subsided, very suddenly, like the wind suddenly dying down after a tornado comes close. I think I need to accept that these episodes will come, perhaps with less and less frequency, and not move off my plan.

9:13 PM: I had four ice cream sandwiches today. The day was not altogether successful; however, I think that I need to just "cool it" and see what changes over time. I think I need to calm down so that I can respond to my body's needs and not anticipate the next diet and binge to delay the starvation effect of trying to restrict my eating.

[oolala53]

The thing that's radically different that you need is to stick to one plan for several weeks. How many completely green weeks of No S have you had?

So, your plan is to listen to the hypnosis CD every day as well as do the activity, and just let whatever eating changes happen. I encourage you to follow through for the whole month and do nothing else until you can reflect after that.

Please don't get caught in the trap of believing that if something stressful happens, like being disrespected, that it means you have to eat even if you feel urges to. You may have very anxious feelings that you fear, but they are tolerable and harmless. The things you discover about your life may be hard to take, but overeating will not help them. It seems if your faith is important to you, those would be times to summon comfort from those sources.

However, this plan is not using No S, so you can't say you need something radically different from No S!

[Kathleen]

I certainly am all over the board. I did stick with at least my version of No S and went down 20 pounds but never got lower. One experiment after another never got me anywhere. What I need now, I think, is courage.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Well, I think hypnosis is very powerful and could do a lot of good. Keep posting, though. Having to weigh every day and post it will help keep things in check, I think.
Besides, your cyber-friends would miss you if you left!

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I feel a certain relief from recognizing that what needs to change is in my brain. I knew I never got hungry, but I didn't understand the binge behavior. I still don't. Knowing that I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and however I want, however, has resulted in my having an apple and a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. Right now, at least, I have no interest in overeating. My plan is to listen to that CD once per day. Thanks for the encouragement!
Kathleen

[NoSRocks]

Rooting for you, Kathleen!

[Kathleen]

Thank you, NoSRocks!
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Hey, Cyber-friend,

Well, I can see that you definitely need a break from dieting. However, "forever" is a very long time. Why don't you just decide not to decide anything right now. No dieting for now. You may feel differently at some point.
Meantime, what about just thinking about health, and not weight? That will mean exercising for your health (we all know that moderate exercise isn't very effective for weight loss). It will also mean being careful about the quality of the foods you eat. You may not want to buy cheesecake at Costco, for example, but decide to make your own at home, low-fat version, for everyone's health.
Your cyber-friends are still cheering you on. I know dieting is very very hard, and sometimes we need that pressure gone.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
The suggestion to focus on health rather than weight strikes me as very helpful. I remember reading somewhere that successful weight maintainers tended to focus on health, and now I think I know why. I just was reading today in a book called Man's Search for Meaning about how there are certain times in a person's life, like being in prison or unemployed or in a concentration camp, when time is provisional: you are waiting. It occurred to me that weight loss is like that as well. It's not really actionable to lose weight. You can count calories, of course, and do all sorts of things, but there isn't a direct correlation between what you do and the outcome. Focus on health is more actionable. I can count steps and do strengthening exercises. I can listen to that CD. By doing these things, I avoid "diet backlash" which was disgusting again today. What triggered it? I think it may have been weighing myself and then as a result questioning what I was doing. I'm not sure going forward what I'll do with regard to weight, but I think I will focus on health. Thanks for the idea!
Kathleen

[oolala53]

How could you have diet backlash today? I thought you were not dieting.

[milliem]

I feel for you Kathleen. It seems if you don't make an active attempt to control your eating, you eat way more than you need to and put on weight. However if you DO make an active attempt to control your eating, you go through some kind of personal rebellion and binge which has the same effect. No win situation huh?!

I don't know what to suggest. I can't see that not making any effort to control calories in vs calories out will make a difference to your weight, although maybe it will help you to refocus on something other than food, which could be helpful in the long run!

You can't control the exact outcome of your food intake and exercise, as so many things impact on precise weight, and NoS is great for focusing on healthy habits that you can control instead. From your diary, it seems you look at everything outside you to help you manage your weight - books, CDs, meetings. However don't think that nothing you will ever do will help. By simple laws of physics, if (over time) you eat less calories than your body burns you WILL be able to lose weight! You are in control of what you eat and what you do! I really hope you find a way that you can achieve your goals and feel happy in yourself by doing so.

[Kathleen]

milleum,
It does seem like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. I like the idea of focusing on exercise and just listening to the CD which is all about relaxing around food and eating. Will it work? I don't know, but it's worth a try. I need to give it time.
Kathleen

[milliem]

milleum,
It does seem like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. I like the idea of focusing on exercise and just listening to the CD which is all about relaxing around food and eating. Will it work? I don't know, but it's worth a try. I need to give it time.
Kathleen

What I love about your check in thread is that you never give up completely, you're always looking for something that will work for you

[Kathleen]

milleum,
I thought about our posts back and forth and realized that I could listen to the CD daily. That's a small thing, but I have done it.

I think I'm going to try going through the 90 day journal, starting today. You are only supposed to weigh yourself every 15 days. Today I weighed in at 214.6.

Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

I also admire your tenacity. Keep going!! What is the 90-day journal? And would you put it here or does it have to be kept private? Your many fans want to cheer you on, you know. If you concentrate on health as you say you will do for some time, I would suggest you also think about beauty. What you put into your body shows on the outside, for skin, hair,etc. I find that a real bonus, because you can't actually SEE all the good you're doing your body inside (especially if you're taking a break from weight loss) but if you see the good you're doing yourself on the outside I find it really motivating.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
Paul McKenna has a book that is set up for keeping a journal during the first 90 days. I've already figured out this is too much for me. I think I'm just going to build habits slowly. I've already started with the CD. Now I need to consider what to add next, and I think it should be exercise.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

February 18, 2011: The Naturally Thin Diet



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Naturally Thin Diet
Day 1 - Saturday, February 18, 2012: 39 inches

Day 1 - Saturday, February 18, 2012: I am back up to 215 pounds, but I decided to take a different tactic and just track inches on my stomach and exercise. I will focus on health rather than weight.

7:30 PM: I am skeptical of conventional wisdom. I see too much the unintended consequences of what seems like wise decisions. This is true of weight management as well. Just count calories!!! What could be easier than that? I am an example of what can happen when the body revolts against such control.

Today I happened to read an article in The Wall Street Journal on a book called The Power of Habit which I immediately pre-ordered off Amazon.

I think maybe I should just try to develop habits which seem to have a direct impact on how much I eat or how many calories I burn. With this approach, I jettison all sorts of habits I've been trying to follow or thought about following, like listening to that CD or weighing myself daily or not weighing myself daily.

I am now going to try this approach:

1. When at home, only eat solid food while sitting at my place at the table, chew each bite ten times, and place fork or food down until the food in my mouth is completely swallowed. Don't read or watch TV while eating. Exceptions: When sick, when people outside the immediately family are visiting.

2. When outside home, chew each bite ten times and place for or food down until the food in my mouth is completely swallowed. Don't read or watch TV while eating. Exceptions: Lunch and learns.

3. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.

4. Build a program of strengthening exercises.

5. Measure my waist at the start of each month.

Day 4 – Tuesday, February 21, 2012: 216.0
Day 5 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012:
Day 6 – Thursday, February 23, 2012:
Day 7 – Friday, February 24, 2012:
Day 8 – Saturday, February 25, 2012:
Day 9 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 10 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 11 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 12 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:
Day 3 – Monday, February 20, 2012: Something clicked with me when I read that Wall Street Journal article from Saturday's paper. It was a book review on a book called The Power of Habit. I have just signed up the two middle children for Kumon and am looking at putting the youngest in as well. This math program is about building a habit of doing math on a daily basis starting where you are really comfortable, and both Tom (10th grade) and Katie (7th grade) are starting with first grade math facts like 4 - 1 = 3. They have had to face the reality that they do not have down what they need to have down in order to do math well. With me, I can think all I want about the days of having a 24" waist, but I need to face the reality that it is at 39" in part due to lack of exercise and in part due to overeating. What to do? Try to find a magic diet or go exercise and figure out how to eat less without bingeing? Well, I've decided. I've had to swallow some pride but my husband has been right all along. The key is "eat less, exercise more."

3 PM: I came home from shopping an hour ago and proceeded to eat, eat, eat... There is good news and bad news in this. The bad news is obvious. The good news is that this plan must have enough impact on my eating to result in weight loss. I'm following it for Lent and will re-evaluate it after Easter.


Day 4 – Tuesday, February 21, 2012: I now weigh one pound more than I did when I started No S. How sad. Despite this, I believe I have found the way out of this problem. I need to focus on doing and not on analyzing. I should not have felt the need to binge yesterday because I could have eaten anything I wanted just by sitting at the table and chewing each bite ten times and putting the fork or food down between bites. Why did I not do that? I don't know. What I do know is that my absurdly fast eating is what needs to be corrected. The quantity will reduce naturally as the time required and effort required to eat as much as I have been eating naturally decreases the amount I actually eat. Shall I restart the count today? Yes. It is Fat Tuesday, the day before Lent begins, but I'm not changing anything. This is my Lenten project.

Day 5 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012:
Day 6 – Thursday, February 23, 2012:
Day 7 – Friday, February 24, 2012:
Day 8 – Saturday, February 25, 2012:
Day 9 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 10 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 11 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 12 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:

[TexArk]

I think you have a good plan...but you have actually had several good plans. We are all here with you and want to see you stay with a plan past the "honeymoon" phase and get through the tough "withdrawal" phase. I look forward to checking your thread and seeing that you are working your plan and not starting over.

on habits:

I would personally not want to count bites, but the idea of eating slower and putting our forks down every now and then is a good habit. Mindful eating instead of walking around stuffing food in our face is a good habit. I have even put a mirror on the table when I am eating alone. We always act better when we are being filmed...right?

A good walk each day is what we all need for our mental health since self control in all areas of our life uses mental energy. Resistance training also is a good thing and only takes a few minutes.

Whether to weigh or measure your stomach is up to you, but I think you are correct in doing something to keep you accountable. I have found that I need to weigh daily and write it down just to keep me real. Otherwise, I go up, up, up. I haven't tried the measuring, but I am sure it works the same way. Just be aware that there will be daily fluctuations.

One other simple habit I would suggest (as a matter of fact, Kathleen, I know I am repeating myself to you here) is to not bring home those sugary, bad fat, highly processed foods from Cotsco that are so easily binge foods when we have a weak moment. I have never been in a Cotsco but I assume they are like our Sam's Club. Leave the cheesecake, chocolate covered caramels, ice cream sandwiches, etc. there. Buy the lovely bags of fruit instead. You don't have to make a rule about not eating sweets, but if you and your girls have to leave the house to enjoy cheesecake or ice cream that makes it a special treat and not daily fare. Our bodies were not made to eat this stuff regularly.

You have many followers on NoS that are pulling for you.

[Kathleen]

TexArk,
It's rather disturbing to see that list of foods. Sometimes we can be blind to our own faults. The deal with Costco is the same deal as supersized McDonald's: large quantities. Maybe I should avoid junk food from Costco.
Kathleen

[Strawberry Roan]

Kathleen,

I have said it before and I will say it again, just reading your words exhaust me. I am not being cruel but I think of all the energy that you put into trying to find the "right" path and how that energy could be spent doing the "right" things.

I am not going to tell you what they are, you know. We all know. Eat better, exercise more. All of the billions of dollars spent by the industry to tell us otherwise won't change the facts. Fifteen minutes typing about how you need to do something differently could be better spent chopping up fresh fruits and vegetables or doing some type of exercise.

I really do wish you well.

[Kathleen]

Strawberry Roan,
Yes, it occurred to me I was spending a lot of time doing what did not lead directly to eating less or exercising more. I've got two goals that will result in my eating less and two that are related to exercising more and one that is a way to measure progress. Writing has helped me to think things through. I feel exhausted, too, but I'm already up to 6,000 steps today and just finished chopping carrots for a stew tonight and last night ordered a replacement crock pot for oatmeal and a replacement vegetable steamer.
Kathleen

[Strawberry Roan]

Now we're talking. It is true that putting our feelings down in words can help.
We all have grown to care so much about you around here, wishing for you nothing but the best.

Now I need to get to the exercise room myself. Had homemade cabbage soup and cornbread for lunch, it was yummy. Enjoy your stew.

[Kathleen]

Anne just asked if we could keep sweets out of the house during Lent, which starts on Tuesday. How providential! I am up to 9,566 steps so far and will not go to bed until I've gone past 10,000!
Kathleen

[mimi]

Kathleen,
I think Berry is so right in saying that so many of us out here are rooting for you and your weight loss success. I don't think I have ever "met" anyone with such drive and tenacity when it comes to dieting and the pursuit of weight loss. That said, and I say this in kindness, I also don't think I've ever encountered anyone who changes their mind about their dieting tactics so easily and with such frequency. When I check your thread to see how you're progressing and see you choosing yet another dieting approach, I find myself saying, "Oh, no!" It has to be exhausting for you.
As Berry said, the bottom line when it comes to weight loss is we must take in fewer calories and start burning more than we have been. You can eat any combination of food groups, you can follow any weight loss diet, but in the end it's the same: if you want to lose weight, you must eat less and move more. There is no magic plan.
I, personally, love NoS for it's simplicity to help me eat less when eating at home, eating out, or eating with others. It has also helped tremendously with my "diet head" and tendency to diet hop. Its simplicity also brings peace with food (no "bad" foods, or foods not allowed) and eating situations (you can eat anywhere).
Judith Beck ( I really like her book The Beck Diet Solution- not a diet, but a book that works on what's going on in your head ) suggests that dieters make a list of reasons why they want to lose weight on a card...list as many as you can think of. She then suggests reading the list at least twice a day - or more - every day. This becomes very crucial when the honeymoon phase of a diet wears off and the urge to quit or overeat rears its ugly head. We all know that motivation is the highest when we first begin a new eating/dieting plan...after a few days or a few weeks that motivation begins to wane. I learned of this on these boards from others who found her book helpful. I think the card system could be helpful for reaching any goal, not just weight loss.
Perhaps making a list of this sort and looking at it each day might be helpful for you.
I am so pleased to read that your goals now are working towards eating less and exercising more...I know they will work for you...give them a chance.

Wishing you success,
Mimi

[Kathleen]

Hi mimi,
Thank you for your kind words. I do think I was looking for some sort of magic diet. There is no magic. No S has its simplicity, but I managed to turn every meal into a binge. I think that what I need to do in order to eat less is to follow some rules for slowing down how fast I eat and also for focusing on eating when I eat. We'll see. This diet is about doing, not thinking.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

February 18, 2011: The SECT Habits



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Habitually Thin Diet
Day 1 - Tuesday, February 21, 2012: 216.0



On Saturday, I happened to read an article in The Wall Street Journal on a book called The Power of Habit which I immediately pre-ordered off Amazon.

I think maybe I should just try to develop habits which seem to have a direct impact on how much I eat or how many calories I burn. With this approach, I jettison all sorts of habits I've been trying to follow or thought about following, like listening to that CD or weighing myself daily or not weighing myself daily.

I am now going to try this approach:

1. S: Sit down when eating; at home, sit at my spot at the table.

2. E: Eliminate distractions when eating.

3. C: Chew each bite 10 times.

4: T: Take hands and fork away from mouth and do not pick up again until the food in my mouth has been swallowed.

In addition, I am trying to do the following:

1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day

2. Build a sustainable program of strengthening exercises.

Weights:
Day 1 - Tuesday, February 21, 2012: 216.0
Day 2 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012: 215.4
Day 3 – Thursday, February 23, 2012: 215.6
Day 4 – Friday, February 24, 2012: 214.4
Day 5 – Saturday, February 25, 2012: 215.2
Day 6 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 9 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:

Journal:
Day 1 – Tuesday, February 21, 2012: 216.0 I now weigh one pound more than I did when I started No S. How sad. Despite this, I believe I have found the way out of this problem. I need to focus on doing and not on analyzing. I should not have felt the need to binge yesterday because I could have eaten anything I wanted just by sitting at the table and chewing each bite ten times and putting the fork or food down between bites. Why did I not do that? I don't know. What I do know is that my absurdly fast eating is what needs to be corrected. The quantity will reduce as the time required and effort required to eat as much as I have been eating decreases the amount I actually eat. Shall I restart the count today? Yes. It is Fat Tuesday, the day before Lent begins, but I'm not changing anything. This is my Lenten project.

8 AM: I decided that what I need to do is build habits that I can follow perfectly for how I eat. There aren't many. I need to account for times when I am sick, which means I will eat away from the table. I need to account for lunch meetings, which means no reading from paper but the ability to read from PowerPoint presentations. My thighs are so thick that I have to waddle. I had to order a large size bra. It's disgusting. I am back to thinking weighing myself is a good idea because it is too easy to fool myself otherwise. The stark reality of a number on the scale is like cold water in the face.

Even doing this will be difficult for me. It can be my Lenten resolve, giving me an added boost to build the habits needed for being thin. I was foolish to think I could become naturally thin.

Day 2 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012: 215.4 Yesterday I simplified the program to just a few rules that can be followed in our home and outside our home under all circumstances, including when I'm sick. Even so, I didn't follow all the eating rules yesterday, so I do appreciate that this program will be a challenge for me. My left calf hurt this morning when I got up. Three days of 10,000 steps have been more than I am used to doing.

3 PM: How many years ago did I read Aristotle's view that virtue is a matter of habit? Why is it that I finally got that idea from a book review in the Wall Street Journal? My strengthening exercises currently are to sit down and stand up for two sets of five and to flex my thigh muscle 35 times on each side while in bed. Not too difficult! That's OK. I would rather do something in a sustainable way than dive in and do something perfectly for a week.

8 PM: I need to wait on Rule #3 until the others are down solid.


Day 3 – Thursday, February 23, 2012: 215.6 There are two Fast Days in the church calendar, Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. What does it mean that I gained weight after a Fast Day? It means I did not fast. How pathetic is that? I have a program that will work. All I have to do is follow it. My big downfall, I think, is eating while doing other things. I graze. I am constantly putting food in my mouth without thinking. Now what? I changed my rule #3 to a non-specific one that involves focusing on eating when eating. We'll see how this goes. I am having trouble today just crossing my legs. There is too much fat in my thighs for me to be able to cross them well. How pathetic is that?

Day 4 – Friday, February 24, 2012: 214,4 I have been trying to figure out the defining characteristic of the obese, and I thought it was gullibility. Maybe, just maybe, it is how an obese person eats: in a distracted way and fast. How a person got to eating that way may be a very interesting research project, but maybe all the obese person needs to do is create a new habit of eating consciously and slowly. Maybe.

6:45 AM: I am listening, again, to a book on my ipod called Eat That Frog. It's about overcoming procrastination. At the very beginning of the book, the author states that, in the interest of time, he wasn't going to go into why people procrastinate but rather was going to focus in techniques for getting things done. I think that's a great approach for me in dieting as well. Does it really matter why I got into the habit of eating fast? No. It matters that I decide to eat slowly and then see what comes of this change of habit, over time.

Another favorite book of mine is by a Holocaust survivor who describes that a certain fatalism crept into the approach of those who actually made it out of the camps alive. I've thought about why that might be, and I think the reason why is that people who accept the environment around them are more able to focus on doing what they can do. For example, those who were selected for the gas chambers were those who looked sickly, so the men who shaved no matter what -- even using a piece of glass without shaving cream of course -- were those more likely to survive because they looked healthier. What does this have to do with dieting? I think that a lot of control of food intake is really not within our control over time because our body reacts like someone who is starving. What we need to do is focus on what we can control, and I certainly can control the speed of my eating without triggering a starvation response.

My jobhunting is not going well. I think, like the prisoner in a concentration camp, I am living what the author called a provisional life, a life of waiting for the next step. During this period, I can fret about what I cannot control, or I can do what I can to make myself marketable. I am focusing, going forward, on at-home training rather than jobhunting.

Day 5 – Saturday, February 25, 2012: 215.2 I think that the key to weight loss may be to focus on eating when eating, so I changed the title of my thread to one word: "Focus".

9 AM: I eliminated the first two rules for eating: chew each bit 10 times and place utensils or food down after each bite. Instead, I'm just going to focus on eating when I'm eating. This sounds incredibly lame, especially since my one pair of jeans feel like they are painted on me. So be it. I am going to try it.

4:30 PM: Changed again. This time it is just habits and not a diet.

Day 6 – Sunday, February 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Monday, February 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012:
Day 9 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,

Lent is a good time to build habits and self-discipline. Still, to be sustainable, there has to be some pleasure as well. Do you like walking? If you don't particularly, is there another exercise you would like better? Same for the strengthening exercises. If you don't really like them, there are other ways to build up your strength.

I read awhile ago that those most likely to binge are mothers with children at home. The researchers' theory was that, since they spent the majority of their time doing for others and rarely had their efforts reciprocated, they binged as a way to give themselves the pleasure and attention otherwise missing in their lives.
Well, it's just a thought, but an interesting one.
Keep going, friend. You will get there, one step at a time.

[Kathleen]

Eruobabe2,
My children are older, but I must admit that there is little in my life that I do for my own pleasure alone. Maybe I need to reserve some time for personal pursuits that aren't work-related. I did just finish up two volunteer commitments and don't want to take on any more. I do like to walk -- and so does Pepper!
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

February 26, 2011: The SECT Habits

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

The Wellness Habits
Day 1 - Sunday, February 26, 2012: 214.8

Earlier this month, I read a book review in The Wall Street Journal on a book called The Power of Habit which I immediately pre-ordered off Amazon. Because of that review, I decided to develop habits which seem to have a direct impact on how much I eat or how many calories I burn. With this approach, I am now going to do the following:
1. Chew each bite 10 times.
2: Swallow one bite of food before preparing the next.
3. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, have no calories until dinner if it is possible to do so without being noticed.
4. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
5. Build a sustainable program of strengthening exercises.

Weights:
Day 1 – Sunday, February 26, 2012: 214.8
Day 2 – Monday, February 27, 2012: 214.4
Day 3 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012: 215.4
Day 4 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012:

Journal:
Day 1 – Sunday, February 26, 2012: 214.8 Dieting is a trap. Once you get into it, it is hard to get out of it. You are overweight, so you restrict eating, and the result is your body fears starvation and you binge eat. Over and over and over. It's a trap. Earlier this month, we saw another trap. We will not allow it. The trap was applying for financial aid using the FASFA. Our daughter got into a college with $50,000+ tuition but all financial need is met. The FASFA tells us what we need. It turns out the government thinks we can afford $40,000 per year for her tuition. Now, did I feel grateful that this prestigious college would cover $10,000+ in tuition? No. Instead, I wondered what benefit it brings to our family that my husband works so hard or I work at all. The janitor at our elementary school has a child with a full tuition scholarship at this same college. The unfairness of it all is evident to me, now that I am not in that trap, but how would I feel once we got into the trap of relying on financial aid? There would never be enough. It's not that we are spendthrifts. No. It's that we have savings because we have four children and are in our 50s. How does this relate to dieting? For me, almost everything relates! The relation I see is that it would be obvious to take the financial aid and get into the situation where you have to justify financial need every year which means you spend more and earn less. Where does that lead? Less and less money and more more and dependence on the government. Socialism. Instead of having Anne reach for that college out of our financial means, we will have her work hard at the U and perhaps go on to grad school at that same school, since grad school is financed by teaching and being a researcher.

With dieting, the trap is that restricting calories leads to binge behavior which leads to more and more need for restricting calories. I got into the diet trap. What I think now is that the way to get out of the diet trap is to give up on dieting and instead build sustainable habits which affect how you eat, not when you eat or where you eat or (most importantly) how much you eat. All of these are traps.

Day 2 – Monday, February 27, 2012: 214.4 There is half of a Mr. Goodbar in my van, a sign of hope for me. I didn't want to finish it off because I knew I could have it anytime. Yesterday, I had a taste test while standing without thinking about it and realized that having to sit while eating was a restriction on what I could eat. I also realized that eliminating distractions was not always possible. As a result, I eliminated those two goals in my eating habits, leaving me with just two: chewing each bite ten times and swallowing one bite of food before preparing the next. I went shopping yesterday and got a candy bar which I started to eat on the way home. I suddenly realized I could have it anytime, so why have it now? How odd. It was like wind suddenly ceasing after a tornado blows through. The pressure to eat was gone. Will this last? I don't know.

7:30 AM Yesterday, Ellie took yet another "Day 1" picture of me, this time in my swimsuit. I had dug it out because we were going to go to Water Park of America, but it ended up being so crowded that we just went to Mall of America. Since I had my swimsuit and it was a "Day 1", I decided to get my picture taken in my swimsuit. It was horrifying. How could I go on a beach looking like that? I actually found the best suit possible for someone as fat as I am, but I still looked really bad. Ah well, I have a great picture for when this diet works. My problem has been binge behavior. If these two eating rules do not trigger binge behavior, I should lose weight.


Day 3 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012: 215.4 When I saw my weight this morning, I literally thought, "I am not living one more day like this." I am not eating this morning.

1 PM: I added fasting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The good thing about weighing myself daily is I can catch self-deception pretty darn quick.


Day 4 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012: 214.8 There was the biggest snowfall of the year last night, so I need to help shovel. I'm not sure what I'm doing, except getting out the door to help shovel.

[oolala53]

Why don't your try eating three meals a day rather than fasting? and no candy bars during the week?

You are deceiving yourself if you let yourself truly believe that you do not have the power to prevent or stop binges The feeling that one is out of control during a binge is an illusion no matter what the "trigger" is . The fact that you don't stop eating during one doesn't prove anything. No trigger makes you eat. It makes you want to eat. You do not have to obey every urge to eat, even powerful ones. If you are eating three reasonable meals a day, you will not be starving, no matter what intepretation you make of your body's signals.

However, if you fast, isn't it more likely that you will feel that you deserve to overeat later? It takes a very disciplined person to eat slowly and mindfully when very hungry, never mind someone who rarely eats that way now.

It is a myth that people will not feel a need to overeat just because food is allowed. Processed food is engineered to bypass the natural appestat, and overeating has been paired with hundreds of cues in our culture. No S wipes away many of them without actually imposing any unrealistic restriction. Nobody starves on three moderate meals a day.

[milliem]

I have to say I agree with Oolala. Dieting isn't a 'trap', it's a necessary way to reduce calories when you are overweight. You CAN control what goes in your mouth if you want to, there is no mystical force making you overeat or binge whenever you think about controlling your food intake. Restricting calories does not automatically have to lead to binge behaviour, this is a decision that ultimately you make.

I know that internet-talk can come across as harsh and I really don't want to sound that way, I really feel for you Kathleen and I feel sad when what I hear from you is that you think you can't control what you eat or what you do.

[TexArk]

The following quote is from The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal.
I certainly could recognize my "old self" in her description of the "false hope syndrome." It is a trap!

Resolving to change is, for most people, the best part of the change process. It’s all downhill -after that: having to exert self-control, saying no when you want to say yes, saying yes when you want to say no. The effort of actually making the change cannot compare, from a happiness point of view, to the rush of imagining that you will change. And so it’s not only easier, but also much more fun, to milk the promise of change for all it’s worth, without the messy business of following through. That is why many people are happier giving up and starting again, over and over, rather than finding a way to make a change for good. The high we get from imagining our own extreme makeovers is a difficult drug to quit. False hope syndrome is especially sneaky because it masquerades as self-control.

[Kathleen]

March 1, 2012: Vanilla No S

The No S Diet with modifications:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Vanilla No S
(Month 1) Day 1 - Thursday, March 1, 2012: 215.0


Weights:
Day 1 – Thursday, March 1, 2012: 215.0
Day 2 – Friday, March 2, 2012: 213.2
Day 3 – Saturday, March 3, 2012: 212.0
Day 4 – Sunday, March 4, 2012: 214.0
Day 5 – Monday, March 5, 2012: 214.8
Day 6 – Tuesday, March 6, 2012: 212.8
Day 7 – Wednesday, March 7, 2012: 212.6 FAIL
Day 8 – Thursday, March 8, 2012: 212.4 FAIL
Day 9 – Friday, March 9, 2012: 213.2 FAIL
Day 10 – Saturday, March 10, 2012: 212.6
Day 11 – Sunday, March 11, 2012: 214.4
Day 12 – Monday, March 12, 2012:
Day 13 – Tuesday, March 13, 2012:
Day 14 – Wednesday, March 14, 2012:
Day 15 – Thursday, March 15, 2012:
Day 16 – Friday, March 16, 2012:
Day 17 – Saturday, March 17, 2012:
Day 18 – Sunday, March 18, 2012:
Day 19 – Monday, March 19, 2012:
Day 20 – Tuesday, March 20, 2012:
Day 21 – Wednesday, March 21, 2012:
Day 22 – Thursday, March 22, 2012:
Day 23 – Friday, March 23, 2012:
Day 24 – Saturday, March 24, 2012:
Day 25 – Sunday, March 25, 2012:
Day 26 – Monday, March 26, 2012:
Day 27 – Tuesday, March 27, 2012:
Day 28 – Wednesday, March 28, 2012:
Day 29 – Thursday, March 29, 2012:
Day 30 – Friday, March 30, 2012:
Day 31 – Saturday, March 31, 2012:


Journal:
Day 1 – Thursday, March 1, 2012: I'm exhausted. If pride is "the sin of angels", maybe my problem has been that I've wanted to tweak a perfectly good diet so as to lay claim to a new diet. I don't know, but I'm exhausted. I got down to 196.6 pounds following this diet without the one plateful restriction, so maybe I'll get even lower following the entire diet and adding in some exercise as well. Whatever, as my kids would say. There is a huge difference between 215 pounds and 196.6 pounds. I feel lousy. I want to feel good. I appreciate the comments that got me on track. I would say back on track except that I started this diet with four days of failures, one success, two S Days, and then the first tweak. I haven't really been on this diet. Now I am.

Day 2 – Friday, March 2, 2012: 213.2 The first day of success on No S was 9/12/08. Yesterday was the second day. I feel little cheer at the amount of time and effort I put into tweaking a perfectly good diet, but at least I am on the right path now. Thank you all for your encouragement. I'm like someone sick in the hospital who appreciates all the support but doesn't have the energy to respond appropriately. The best thanks I can give is to actually stick with the program.

Day 3 – Saturday, March 3, 2012: 212.0 When I thought about today as an S Day, my first though was "Been there. Done that." There was no appeal to me in staying up until midnight to have a Haagen Dazs bar. Maybe this is why there are so many people who make multiple attempts before The No S Diet works for them. Maybe they need to break the habit of S Day food fests. It was certainly easy for me to go back to The No S Diet rules, but all I think about with S Day bingeing was the pain. I ate until I was sick. Do I want to bring that on myself again? No. Dieting has been what was associated with pain in my life, and now freedom from dieting is what is associated with pain. As the saying goes: "One swallow does not a summer make." I probably should wait before drawing many conclusions as I have had exactly two successful normal days, and it is 6 AM on the first S Day.

I think it was one of the postings that pushed me over the edge into trying vanilla No S. It might have been TexArk's quote from the willpower book. I don't know. At some point, the happy start is not a happy start. At some point, you just want to get the job done.

12:45 PM: I just got back from Costco where I had lots of taste tests but did not buy bulk treats like chocolate covered almonds. I did make chocolate chip muffins this morning and an entire Mr. Goodbar. I'm relaxing this weekend but not in a food fest. That's good. My weight is likely to go up, and that's fine, too. What I need to do is allow this weekend to be a kind of relaxation from the need to be disciplined during the week. I see great genius in this diet.

4 PM: I am having some tea. It has been a very quiet weekend because all we have planned is Ellie's birthday party tomorrow. I got two books int he mail today, The Power of Habits and the Navarre book on the Wisdom literature of the Bible. The No S Diet is about forming habits which lead to weight loss. I got the book on the Wisdom literature because, for about a year, I've been thinking about reading through the Wisdom literature, but it was just too hard to understand. There is no question I will continue to read, but now I can read about more than diets. The question of how to manage my weight is now settled, and I can turn to other matters. Perhaps it is best that I dial back on writing about dieting and just let time take care of showing me where this diet will lead me.



Day 4 – Sunday, March 4, 2012: 214.0 Truly incredible. I did not think I ate that much at all, and here I am at 214 pounds. Am I changing? No. I may add, but I am not changing. I am reading The Power of Habits, and it is a terrific book. One term in there that I had not heard previously is "keystone habit." A keystone habit is one which changes others, and one keystone habit for dieting is keeping a food journal because then you know what is going in your mouth. I may add that, but I am not taking away an S Day.

7:15 AM: I remember keeping a food journal. It did not work for me. I would write down everything I ate, but I had trouble with quantities and sometimes with listing ingredients in dinners. It was a pain. No, I am going to stick with No S. I did get a mini crockpot last night to replace the one that broke, and now I can cook oatmeal in the morning very easily. That's a good habit to develop and one I actually like.

7:15 PM: I'm stuffed. I've also walked only 1,669 steps. Tomorrow is a return to N Days.

Day 5 – Monday, March 5, 2012: 214.8 I am clearly in a better spot today than when I first started No S. First, my Thursday weight is higher than my Monday weight. Secondly, I am glad the S Days are over. I am not going to place restrictions on S Days, but I will work on having a full schedule on those days.

8 PM: It is very sobering to see the impact we have on our children. My 12th grader, Anne, decided to go back on The No S Diet. I kiddingly told her it is easier the 50th time you follow it!

Day 6 – Tuesday, March 6, 2012: Day 6 – Tuesday, March 6, 2012: 212.8 I'm always going to tweak. It's in my nature. I am just switching focus away from the No S foundation to other things. Is it a good idea to have oatmeal every morning? Is it realistic for me to walk 10,000 steps per day? I decided to order an Omron heart rate monitor from Amazon because I may want to do something with walking at a fast pace for a few times per week. Walking the dog is an amble which doesn't get my heart rate up.

Day 7 – Wednesday, March 7, 2012: 212.6 It is so strange how weight fluctuates. I am down .2 pounds from yesterday but up .8 from last Friday's weight. On Friday, I had an interview, and this morning I called the recruiter. She asked how she could help me. It turns out she had been informed that they decided to place someone internally, but she didn't take the time to tell me! This morning, I have another interview. I really haven't had much activity with jobhunting, so I'm hoping this one goes through.

1:30 PM: Those who have followed my blog might remember that I have been trying to figure out what to do with my son and his poor ability to focus and to do math. He's now in a program called Kumon in which he does worksheets and they are timed. I threw in Katie and Ellie as well, Katie because she'll be in the same boat in three years and Ellie because she needs a challenge. Katie has had real difficulty with this program. She literally pauses the stopwatch even on 10 minutes tests. If she keeps following the program, she'll learn to focus over time because she's focused every day for a little bit of time.

This, of course, is very applicable to this diet. The N Day habits of no snacks, no sweets, and moderation can and will carry over to the S Days if I just give it time.

Oh, it is hard to see Tommy playing Runescape, but I am keeping my mouth shut as long as he does the Kumon worksheets. That's the same patience I need to show myself. I'm not going to worry about S Days, just like I'm not going to worry about Runescape. Instead, I want new habits to be developed over time, both for him and for me.

7 PM: Well, it did not take long for me to have my first failure. I never had a failure before. I always just changed the rules. I started taste testing the food as I prepared dinner and then I put peanut butter on matzos and Katie caught me taking my first bite. When I got back from taking her to RE, I ate more. Now I'm done. I should have stopped right away but didn't. "Mark it and move on."

Day 8 – Thursday, March 8, 2012: 212.4 I am going to use what I learned from that power of habits book and alter my routine with regard to preparing dinner. That is a weak point in my diet because sometimes I start eating while preparing food. I'm going to buy some gum today and chew it while preparing dinner. Just like an alcoholic stays out of bars, so I need to be smart about this diet. I think I'll stay out of Costco except on weekends when I can enjoy those taste tests.

2 PM: I am home doing some spring cleaning, filing away all the financial information we needed in order to apply for financial aid for Anne. I also am finding it difficult to follow No S. I feel ravenous even after having an entire cup of steel cut oatmeal which then was cooked so it was probably more than two cups of cooked steel cut oatmeal (that was breakfast) and then an entire bowl of popcorn with a peanut butter, butter, and blueberry jam sandwich and an apple and orange juice for lunch. How could I possibly be hungry? It is 1:50 PM. The kids get home in an hour and then we are off to Kumon.

Day 9 – Friday, March 9, 2012: 213.2 I got a call from the recruiter. The hiring manager decided to take a pass on me. I talked them into different requirements for the job. By dinnertime, I was unhappy about my job prospects and ended up once again eating outside No S rules. Last night, I had to ask myself if it even mattered. I had prepared an entire bowl of popcorn for lunch. The only difference between how I was following No S previously and how I am now is that yesterday I put the sandwich on top of the popcorn before I ate it. This is silly. I may try to increase my number of steps as a way to keep myself sane while I am home. One thing I read is that successful long-term weight losers tend to walk a lot. I seem to remember that 28 miles was the average per week. I may try to walk 20,000 steps per day, but that would be quite a commitment since I struggle with getting to 10,000 steps and it was 18 degrees out this morning.

Day 10 – Saturday, March 10, 2012: 212.6 Well, at least today I cannot fail! Losing out on that job seemed like a fork in the road. I'm not going to get a job before summer, so I might as well turn my attention to my health and family.

Yesterday, failure came a little earlier, about 3:30 PM, when I ate 1/2 peanut butter sandwich and then whatever I could lay my hands on. I don't like chips. Why did I eat them?

Well, I know why. I have followed a rule of eating everything that I am allowed. When there is a failure, then everything is allowed for the rest of the day. On S Days, everything is allowed all day. I boasted on these boards that I was following the letter of the law and not the spirit. Did people try to talk me into a spirit of moderation? Yes. Would I listen? Well, I heard, and now I'm listening. I wasn't ready to listen. Ill now try following a spirit of moderation now.

Aristotle called it "the golden mean." I've been at extremes even while trying to follow a diet which teaches moderation in its method of allowing one plateful without the pesky task of counting calories. How was it I got the idea that I could use a popcorn bowl as that plate?


Day 11 – Sunday, March 11, 2012:
Day 12 – Monday, March 12, 2012:
Day 13 – Tuesday, March 13, 2012:
Day 14 – Wednesday, March 14, 2012:
Day 15 – Thursday, March 15, 2012:
Day 16 – Friday, March 16, 2012:
Day 17 – Saturday, March 17, 2012:
Day 18 – Sunday, March 18, 2012:
Day 19 – Monday, March 19, 2012:
Day 20 – Tuesday, March 20, 2012:
Day 21 – Wednesday, March 21, 2012:
Day 22 – Thursday, March 22, 2012:
Day 23 – Friday, March 23, 2012:
Day 24 – Saturday, March 24, 2012:
Day 25 – Sunday, March 25, 2012:
Day 26 – Monday, March 26, 2012:
Day 27 – Tuesday, March 27, 2012:
Day 28 – Wednesday, March 28, 2012:
Day 29 – Thursday, March 29, 2012:
Day 30 – Friday, March 30, 2012:
Day 31 – Saturday, March 31, 2012:

[Eurobabe2]

YAY!!!! Vanilla No-S rules!!

Now give yourself a fighting chance, cyber-girlfriend, and STAY WITH IT! No more ordering random diet books from Amazon or recycling diets that have not worked. No more fasting, intuitive eating, or any weird combinations of these things.
Caloric liquids between meals is not Vanilla No-S.
I urge you to continue to exercise and, perhaps surprisingly, to listen to your CD, because of its positive self-image stuff; the weight-loss portion of it didn't work so well. That's what Vanilla no-s is for.

Please don't start messing with S- days. Take 2 every week, and enjoy them. However, they were not meant to be binge days. You like popcorn? Enjoy a small bag of low-fat popcorn, instead of a big bowl. I think you like sweets and desserts, and No-S allows these on S-days, but instead of bingeing, plan a homemade dessert most of the time, preferably a lower-fat/lower calorie one, and eat a reasonable portion. You are trying to establish a normal relationship with food, neither starving nor bingeing, and if you start taking away S-days, I don't think you'll continue to follow No-S, at least not for the long term.

Finally, please look at the quality of foods you choose-it can make a huge difference to your health.

Like others, I've despaired over your frantic and ultimately self-defeating quick-changes of diets. About the only one you haven't tried is Vanilla No-S. Give it a chance to show you what it can do.
And please know that I have lots of admiration and sympathy for you, and hope I haven't overstepped my bounds.

[milliem]

I'm excited about your subject change today We're all rooting for you!

As an aside, I know moderating S days is a big thing, but I think that comes after successfully creating and sticking to N day habits for some weeks. Don't beat yourself up if S days are a bit wild at first - KCCC's 'phases of NoS' post on the general discussion board is super helpful!!