Kathleen,
Well done on your resolution not to tweak anymore! Plain Vanilla No-S for me too. Slow but loving it!
The Blessings of Simplicity
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
Nicole in MD,
It is traumatic. We drove over to get the pastor's signature on Tommy's Eagle Scout project workbook, since he lost his prior workbook, I told her that our oldest was going to college this afternoon, and I teared up and she told me how she felt dropping off her children at college.
It is so fitting that I make today my last Day 1, since my motivation has been to show this child of mine a path to normal weight with sanity. I did do one tweak the first week which has worked well for me, and that is to allocate two Exception Days per month rather than take S Days on special occasions which, as a parent, I can create at will: for example, we are going to The Malt Shoppe when Katie and Ellie complete Level G of Kumon.
I will remember this day for the rest of my life. She will as well. She's all excited. I have struggled with my weight since I was 17, and here I am thinking I can at least show my daughter what results from settling in and committing to this diet with my own tweak which works well for me.
eschano,
Thanks for the encouragement. A new chapter starts in her life, but it also starts in mine. I always told my children they were precious gifts from Jesus, but in reality, they are only given to us for a short period of time, and then they are off to lead their own lives.
Kathleen
It is traumatic. We drove over to get the pastor's signature on Tommy's Eagle Scout project workbook, since he lost his prior workbook, I told her that our oldest was going to college this afternoon, and I teared up and she told me how she felt dropping off her children at college.
It is so fitting that I make today my last Day 1, since my motivation has been to show this child of mine a path to normal weight with sanity. I did do one tweak the first week which has worked well for me, and that is to allocate two Exception Days per month rather than take S Days on special occasions which, as a parent, I can create at will: for example, we are going to The Malt Shoppe when Katie and Ellie complete Level G of Kumon.
I will remember this day for the rest of my life. She will as well. She's all excited. I have struggled with my weight since I was 17, and here I am thinking I can at least show my daughter what results from settling in and committing to this diet with my own tweak which works well for me.
eschano,
Thanks for the encouragement. A new chapter starts in her life, but it also starts in mine. I always told my children they were precious gifts from Jesus, but in reality, they are only given to us for a short period of time, and then they are off to lead their own lives.
Kathleen
Last edited by Kathleen on Thu Aug 30, 2012 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Blessings of Simplicity: August 29, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The S Day Diet:
One plateful of food at each of three meals per day.
No sweets.
Liquids allowed anytime.
S Days (no restrictions) every weekend.
A rolling average of two Exception Days (no restrictions just like on S Days) every month.
A commitment to develop and follow an exercise program.
Monthly Record of Weight:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0
This Month's Weight (Exception Days in Red):
Day 1 – Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0 2 Exception Days
Day 2 – Thursday, August 30, 2012: 219.4
Day 3 – Friday, August 31, 2012: 218.2
Day 4 - Saturday, September 1, 2012:
Day 5 – Sunday, September 2, 2012:
Day 6 – Monday, September 3, 2012:
Day 7 – Tuesday, September 4, 2012:
Day 8 – Wednesday, September 5, 2012: 217.8
Day 9 – Thursday, September 6, 2012: 218.2
Day 10 – Friday, September 7, 2012: 217.2 S Day
Day 11 – Saturday, September 8, 2012:
Day 12 – Sunday, September 9, 2012:
Day 13 – Monday, September 10, 2012:
Day 14 – Tuesday, September 11, 2012:
Day 15 – Wednesday, September 12, 2012:
Day 16 – Thursday, September 13, 2012: 218.2
Day 17 – Friday, September 14, 2012: 216.8
Day 18 – Saturday, September 15, 2012: 216.6
Day 19 – Sunday, September 16, 2012:
Day 20 – Monday, September 17, 2012:
Day 21 – Tuesday, September 18, 2012:
Day 22 – Wednesday, September 19, 2012: 216.8
Day 23 – Thursday, September 20, 2012:
Day 24 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
Day 25 – Saturday, September 22, 2012:
Day 26 – Sunday, September 23, 2012:
Day 27 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 28 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012:
Day 29 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 30 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 31 – Friday, September 28, 2012:
Day 32 – Saturday, September 29, 2012:
Day 33 – Sunday, September 30, 2012:
This Month's Journal:
Day 1 – Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0 My little girl goes to college today. It's really the start of a new phase in our lives as we let our children go.
9 PM: Anne forgot her bike lock key. After we unloaded everything except the bike, Tommy and I went back home, got the key, and returned to her dorm. It took less than an hour even though it was close to rush hour. Her dorm room is right next to the buildings where both Tom and I took classes for our evening MBAs. It's close. It's familiar. I'll survive. As we left, I looked to see Anne and her roommate confidently going to another building for a program for Welcome Week. Tom told me to be careful not to be a helicopter parent. I read somewhere that parents and children text each other daily while they are in college. No... I need to let her grow up.
Day 2 – Thursday, August 30, 2012: 219.4 I saw a Youtube video last night of Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey talking about his weight. He said something along the lines of people who are alcoholics can stop drinking, and drug abusers can stop using drugs, but you can't just stop eating. He also said that he was trying to lose weight -- it may not look like he's trying, but he is.
Oh, I relate to that! I am sick to death of thinking about my weight. It will really help to just follow this diet and be done with it. I'm not going to record what I eat -- again, that is a way to pay attention to it. The beauty of No S is you think about food three times per day.
Day 3 – Friday, August 31, 2012: 218.2 It's way different when the uncertainty is gone. Of course, yesterday was also a busy day: two Open Houses for school, going to Kumon, and bringing Tom to get a signature on his Eagle project.
While I'm exercising, I'm listening to CDs from David Allen on his book Getting Things Done. He talks about projects and, then when they are done, it's "cruise control". Lot's of projects -- probably, most projects -- have ongoing maintenance. One example from the CD is setting up a new compensation system: salary ranges for each grade level, etc. Once the project is done, then there is ongoing maintenance, such as adjusting salary levels year to year.
"On cruise control" is how I would now describe the project of losing weight. The program is selected, and ongoing execution is all that is required.
Day 5 – Monday, September 3, 2012: We got home early because the campsite was right next to the highway, but we sure made the most of the weekend. We drove up to the tip of Minnesota right next to border control and walked in a park to see the highest waterfall in Minnesota. Anne could not reach us by cell phone but had wanted to wish her Dad a happy birthday. I had my usual S Day binges, but today I feel bloated and not too eager to eat anything or to weigh myself. In fact, weighing myself just might be a problem because it creates a decision point: do I stay on the diet or not? I want to live my life without constant weight obsession. In fact, that is getting to be more of a goal than weight loss. It seems to me that not weighing myself might be an important component of my plan, but we'll see. I just won't weigh myself today.
Day 7 – Tuesday, September 4, 2012: The kids are off to school, and I'm home with the dog. I'm taking the van to get oil changed. The economy seems stalled at least for contract business analysts. I just don't have much activity at all for submissions. I'm not jobhunting much but instead am concentrating on building a skills that I think could make me more marketable. I also have to help Tom over the finish line with his Eagle project.
Katie decided to go on the No S Diet yesterday and came home yesterday and said she was taking an S Day. I got irritated with her. I told her that was my mistake, that the intent of weekday S Days is to be flexible in social situations. Her real problem is she is not in any classes with her two good friends. I wish I could have been more of a model for her with regard to weight. Anne is so self-disciplined that I have no doubt she'll lose the weight she has gained in adolescent years. Katie, on the other hand, is more of a free spirit. I think it would be much harder for her to follow a program like the No S Diet than it is Anne. There is a famous test of self-discipline for four year olds regarding eating a marshmallow: if the child delays eating it for fifteen minutes, she/he gets another one. Anne and Tom waited; Katie popped it in her mouth instantly. I've told her she can make the decision to be more disciplined. We are now working on her making her bed. If she doesn't make her bed in the morning, she loses her ipod for the day.
7 PM: I just ate a large dinner and am grumpy because I want more. I can stand it now because in three days and five hours I can eat as much as I want for two days. It's a good thing I'm not weighing myself because I don't have to worry about weight fluctuations.
Day 8 – Wednesday, September 5, 2012: 217.8 I peeked to look at my weight. I'm not sure if it matters or not. What I am observing is that my hunger levels and/or appetite and/or desire to eat are indistinguishable one from the other: I cannot tell if I am really hungry. Meal timing makes it that I have to put off satisfying whatever that is, whether it is hunger or appetite or simple desire to eat. It plain doesn't matter what it is. I can stay on the diet because I know I can fully satisfy whatever that is at least on the weekend.
Last night, I watched a youtube video that was a 2010 ABC study on obesity and its causes. I was waiting for the washing machine to finish because, guess who, Tommy needed clothing. At any rate, there was information on portion control and a nutritionist showing very obese members of a family what 3/4 cup of cereal looks like. How pathetic. A person could look at self and decide anything is worth getting rid of the blubber, but a few days or weeks or months of 3/4 cup of cereal and no more would turn dieting into torture and the relief is a binge. I know all about it. I've been down that path so many times I cannot count. No S is sanity. With No S, you know that there is an end to hunger, and it is in a matter of days (the weekend).
9 PM: My face feels funny. This is definitely something I've noticed previously when dieting. It's almost as if fat is draining from my face. It is distracting. I'm also short tempered. Honestly, is it really all that big of a deal that I can't get into the high school Website to print off Katie's schedule? Today was a vacation day for me. I went with a friend to the Rembrandt exhibit at the art institute, and we happened to be there when a docent was giving just a superb talk to people wearing name tags (apparently we happened to pick the time when the major donors were going through). I am living my life. It is great! I thought very little about my diet all day, except now at night as I'm getting the kids ready for school tomorrow and feeling that weird feeling in my face. Tomorrow is the big day for Tommy's Eagle project: pouring cement to anchor an arbor. I sure hope that it goes well, but I'm particularly happy that Tom and another Tom from the church will be there. I have trouble installing smoke alarms. Anchoring an arbor is not my area of expertise!
Day 9 – Thursday, September 6, 2012: 218.2 Up and down. Up and down. I really should weigh myself once per week at most. I am feeling ravenous, feeling as though I will not be satisfied no matter how much I eat. Now I know that that feeling will pass and the best way to handle it is to ignore it and get busy.
Day 10 – Friday, September 7, 2012: 217.2 Last night went well for Tom even though it sprinkled a little bit, there was one lightning bolt that threatened to end the entire project, the camera battery died, and work continued so late that headlights were used to put light on the cement mixing process. Today we buy the plants, and tomorrow (weather permitting) the arbor is put up. The hard part is already done. I was called yesterday about an interview early this afternoon, and I have not had time to think about it. The focus right now is Tom's Eagle project. What's nice about what I write is that the focus also has not been my weight. My weight went down. Good. Generally, however, I think a key to maintaining a normal weight is benign neglect: not having to think about it much. This No S Diet is a great way for me not to have to think about it much.
9 PM: Too much emotion for me to handle today. I had an interview at 1 and was told another person would be interviewed on Monday and then a decision would be made. At 4, I was told I had an offer. Good and bad. The job really plays to my strengths so it should be a blast. The manager seems like a manager I had a year ago who was memorably one of the best I've had. The problem, sadly, is home. I have kids who don't contribute much, and I need them to contribute because Tommy hasn't done what I asked in order to apply for a driver's license. I had some taste tests when preparing dinner and took an S Day because of them. After dinner, I ate exactly two nectarines. With tomorrow and Sunday as S Days, do I really need to pig out? Nope. This is why I think I didn't lose more weight going from two weekend S Days to one. I simply shifted the overeating to one day and that one day had to carry me through the week. Now I have two per week and they are no longer so special as a result.
Day 11 – Saturday, September 8, 2012: It is now about 9:45 PM, and I am waiting up for Katie to come home from a movie. It was a memorable day. Tom's project went well. I was charged with tracking hours, and I tracked 137.75 hours contributed by the troop (adults and Scout) and a church member over two days (Thursday and Saturday). The entryway looks beautiful: an arbor, a path of stones, a bench and flowers by the bench and arbor. It wasn't until a little while ago that I realized that it was exactly four years ago today that I started on the No S Diet.
Where am I now? Scared about the ability to manage both home and work once I start working. The recruiter emailed me today to ask that I take a drug test on Monday and complete the background check information today because the company wants me to start during the week of September 17 if possible. I think it is good for the kids to step up and do more at home, but there will be an adjustment. I am glad that Tommy has finished his project and just needs to complete an application.
Tom took a picture of me today when he had the camera instead of me. Oh do I look bad. You can see rolls of fat under my polo shirt. I have walked around all summer in two capris, one of which is the one I am wearing, and I have only worn the same polo shirt in different colors all summer. Why? I have refused to go into women's sizes, and there isn't much for me in the regular sizes. Now, with work upon me, I am going to need to buy new clothes. I won't buy that much, however, because I think I am going to lose weight permanently this time.
My focus can now be on my life -- my husband, my children, my job, my home, even that little dog of ours... Weight is an inherently boring thing to focus on.
Day 12 – Sunday, September 9, 2012: Tom left at 5 AM this morning to go to a conference in Washington, DC. He should have been there yesterday, but he wanted to make sure he was at Tommy's Eagle project the whole day. We did not plan for Tommy, and he made mistakes. It's all part of the learning process. He had not dug around the bench to see how easy it would be to plant plants there, so I and another Mom ran to Home Depot to get soil. When we got back, another Mom had suggested mulch, so Ellie and I ran to Bachmans (a local store that donated $50 in product!) to get mulch. I went to Subway with Ellie to get sandwiches, and there were too few. The paper plates and chips were in our garage, so I ran to Byerly's with Ellie to get paper plates, napkins, and more pop. With all that running around, I managed to have some pretzels for lunch.
An Eagle project is just a wonderful way for a boy to learn how to anticipate problems. If a helicopter parents anticipates them for him, then he has learned nothing. We did not anticipate for him, so the project went until 3:15 with lots of boys and adults helping.
What happened with my eating? I did not have time to think that this was an S Day so I could eat what I want. Had it been my one S Day of the weekend, I would have carved out time for me. I like the two S Day approach. After the project, I came home and had two soft pretzels. I went to bed, just exhausted since I had been awake in the night. We went out to dinner, and I came to a bite in my food and did not want more. I put the hoagie down. I still finished the hoagie, but I at least recognized a stopping point.
I am going to be so busy with this job that I really need to evaluate where I can cut out activities, and I am seriously considering just going to a once per month journal. I think once per month weight is all appropriate. Why? I'm no longer thinking much about food. My journal has been a way for me to think through what is in my mind, and what is in my mind has been food, food, food, weight, lose, panic...
The change came from deciding I will accept the weight that results from following this diet, no matter what that weight may be. As a result of that commitment, I know that I am not going to careen into another Novena Diet or Weight Watchers or fasting diet. What comes to mind for me in writing this is bumper cars. If you watch kids in bumper cars, they ram towards each other and brace themselves for the impact as they get close. That's what my body has been doing all these years: bracing for the impact of another starvation routine, and the bracing for the impact has been binge behavior. I know that Binge Eating Disorder is now a recognized psychological condition, but in fact I think binge behavior may be a normal reaction to portion control approaches to dieting. I crossed a great divide by making a commitment to this diet. I had not really understood it before I made that commitment.
Now what? Do I ramble on here about my interviewing, about Anne going off to college, about Tommy getting his Eagle project done? It's not relevant. I did not know what was relevant to my eating habits and what was not, so I simply started a journal and allowed myself to ramble.
Now there's no longer the need to ramble. It's a Sunday morning right now. Maybe I can just write once per week, but the bottom line is that I don't know there is much more to say.
9 PM: I hate to be crude, so I will be somewhat vague, but eating a lot on the weekends but not during the week has the tendency to create stomach aches. Four years ago, I even started to think that S stood for stomach ache. This happened today as well. It is quite unpleasant. Like a person drinking too much and having a hangover, I feel like I am having a food hangover and am looking forward to a week of three meals per day and no more.
Day 14 – Tuesday, September 11, 2012: I have so much to do to get ready for work that it is not funny, and so No S is falling off my "to do" list. That's the wonderful thing about this program. Falling off my "to do" list does not mean that I'm not doing it. Falling off my "to do" list means I'm doing it without thinking much about it. I may just move No S to a "first of the month" task along with giving a worm pill to my dog. I can update this journal then and weigh myself then. I have a calendar so I can track exercise. Last night did not go so well with the exercise bike. I tried moving exercise from morning to night, and I am not a night person. The result was only 8 minutes on the exercise bike, but I will improve over time.
Day 15 – Wednesday, September 12, 2012: Last night, I was after my son and daughter to sit down to dinner because it was after 6:30 and I was hungry. It was a busy day running around trying to finish up things before starting work, and I told them I can only have one plateful so let's eat! My son looked at my plate and said you have lots more room on your plate: you are only using half of it. It was an observation, not a compliment. Had I attempted to restrict the amount I eat? Nope. Not at all. I had not thought about it at all. I just put the food on my plate that I wanted. I was up until 11:30 last night getting to a good stopping place on a volunteer activity last night, and this morning I am tired. We have kid activities now every single day of the week with no driver other than me because Tom travels so much and my van with 130,000 miles on it was acting weird. If it's not one thing, it's another. At least we won't have to go into our emergency fund to pay Anne's tuition, and it sounds like she is doing well. Her roommate's mother said to me, when we dropped them off on the first day, "Stephanie's a good girl." It makes me tear up to think of it, and I must have told 20 people what the mother said. There is nothing more I would have wanted than for Anne when being assigned a roommate than to have that roommate comes from a family that wants their child first and foremost to be good.
Day 16 – Thursday, September 13, 2012: 218.2 I have to think "bumper cars" and keep going. I literally felt sick when I weighed myself and saw that weight. I was so hopeful!
Day 17 – Friday, September 14, 2012: 216.8 What a difference a day makes! I have not weighed this little since May 13th. I do think that fasting is necessary, but whenever I have tried it, I have failed to keep the No S rules. I went back and read my journal and now am going to add a very modest change: try to fast until noon on Fridays. That's it.
Day 18 – Saturday, September 15, 2012: 216.6 My start date for work isn't until October 1 because my manager decided to take the week of September 24 as a vacation week. I am relieved. There is a lot to do at the start of a school year: attending open houses, setting up ride sharing with other parents, getting the kids used to getting up early... I also got a teacher to meet with Tommy after school for study skills. It's nice to have the money to pay for that (now that I have a job). Tommy got a 94.6% on his calculus readiness test. Six months ago, he answered 4 of 20 fraction problems (addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division) correctly. Kumon did wonders for him, so now all I have to worry about is getting him some study skills.
I am going to fast on Friday mornings. I just think that there is something to fasting that is necessary for humans, and my only proof of that is that fasting is part of many religions, including my own. Catholicism has watered down the fasting requirements, but even my mother grew up with not eating before communion on Sundays and no meat on Fridays. By the time I was a little girl, fasting was just two meals per day and no meat on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday and no meat on Fridays in Lent. I will have little to no time to explore this issue while I am working, which is why I want just a very minimal experience of fasting while I work (avoid eating anything on Friday mornings). I did order a book on fasting off Amazon.
6:30 PM: Last night I felt ravenous as I sat down to eat. Tonight there was a Steak Fry at the church, and I ate so much today that I did not go. I actually feel nauseous. This fluctuation from ravenous to stuffed is hard on me, and yet I think I need to go through this process to reach peace.
Day 19 – Sunday, September 16, 2012: There is no need to weigh myself on Sundays. I can be confident that my weight went up. I feel badly about having missed a social opportunity at the church. As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I remembered the words emailed back to me by the father of an Eagle Scout when I told him Tommy had lost his paperwork: "All part of the process." It is true. This is part of the process. My body needs to trust that it will get food. That must be why I never could combine fasting with this diet. Fasting, I think, is the next step in my becoming thin, but I need to get through this one first. I have to stabilize with No S and then add fasting. The Friday morning fast only is a way to start on fasting while still stabilizing with No S. It's another beautiful morning... I'm so glad. Tommy is already off caddying, and Katie and Ellie will finish up Katie's solar oven project for school. We can now afford a handyman to complete a project Tom started in the backyard. It sure is easier if you have money, but I know there can be problems too that are exacerbated by money, so I'm just glad we can pay Anne's tuition, pay ortho for Katie and Tommy, and pay Ellie's private school tuition. My income was meant for the tuition, so it is important that I work.
11 AM: Church sermons can sometime be a time for personal reflection which is what I did today while the deacon's sermon wandered all over the place as he wandered all over the front of the church. I realized that this diet is about respecting my body and my body's needs in contract to most diets which are about controlling my body and limiting my response to my body's needs. Caloric needs are based on lots of factors: age, current weight, metabolism, amount of exercise, etc. How the heck is someone supposed to figure out or rely on someone else to figure out how many calories a person needs? I see an analogy in my life to respecting or controlling my three teen children and one pre-teen child. It's important to let them experiment and let them make mistakes and help them recover from mistakes. My Katie calls me a "softie" so they were all surprised when I simply insisted they go to Kumon because, frankly, some mistakes I don't want them to continue making like sliding through math classes without understanding. Most mistakes, however, are ones I think they should be allowed to make. My all time favorite memory of Scouts is when Tommy showed up for his car wash fundraiser without first following his Dad's advice to make sure the water was turned on at the church. Sure enough. The water wasn't turned on, so there we were with buckets, soap, kids, cars and no water. These weekend S Days are like that car wash for me. I am learning that, if I overeat, I may feel so bad that I won't be able to go to a church Steak Fry. How many months will it take for me to learn that? Well, I have to be just as patient with myself as I am with my children. It may take some time. That Eagle project has been a wonderful experience for him. Losing the paperwork and managing to recover from losing the paperwork will prepare him for future disasters. He'll be able to think clearly, assess the damage, and come up with a plan for recovery. Tom accuses me of being a helicopter parent, and sometimes I am, but one time I broke something and the words out of my Ellie's mouth were familiar: "That's OK. Everyone makes mistakes." S Days are not mistakes, but they are learning experiences that I need to respect. I need to think less and just follow the S Day Diet.
Day 20 – Monday, September 17, 2012: Today is the 225th anniversary of the U.S. Constitution which has the phrase "blessings of liberty" in its first sentence. I have a replica of the Liberty Bell on the bookshelf in our bedroom. Having read two of Frederick Douglass' autobiographies with the third one ordered from Amazon, I am now even more keenly aware of the difference between liberty and tyranny. How sad that slavery existed in our country!
Day 22 – Wednesday, September 19, 2012: 216.8 I weigh today what I did last Friday. It is so tempting to think that I need to speed along the weight loss process by skipping those S Days. I think those S Days are what distinguish Reinhard's diet and make it practical. Roy Baumeister, a Florida State University professor, wrote a book called Willpower in which he claims that willpower is like a muscle: you need to exercise it and give it time to recover which is why people are supposed to do strengthening exercises only every other day. How many diets have this idea of taking a break built into the program? Does Weight Watchers? Does Atkins? No -- you are always resisting and always on the edge of a cliff holding off the fall. Those who stay the course in managing their eating habits day in and day out are showing superhuman strength, and they are a small percentage of those who attempt the feat. I am not someone of superhuman strength.
Yesterday in the Wall Street Journal there was an article on cravings and it covered a doctor's observation that those who craved foods often were those who had dieted in the past. Yep. You deny yourself until you cannot stand it anymore.
With this diet, my cravings are dropping off. I know I can have anything I want in just a few days, so I am just going about my life and not thinking much about food. Of course, it helps that we had a hole in a pipe coming out of the water heater yesterday, so that had to get fixed! That's life, though. With most diets, life interferes and the diet goes out the window. With this diet, life can intervene and it won't matter much because you've got an easy habit to follow.
8 AM: Ultimately, I think, dieting the most common way with constant restrictions makes a person self-centered. It is understandable: you are starving! No matter how obese you are, you feel like you are starving because you never have enough. What is terrific about this diet is that the diet itself can fade into the background, requiring as much thought as setting up and following the habit of flossing my teeth. The hard part is over for me. Isn't that wonderful? The hard part is over. I am committed to this diet and willing to accept the weight that results.
Now what about fasting? There is something about fasting that makes me think it is necessary but not as a substitute for No S. Instead, it is an additional necessity. Whenever I have tried fasting, No S rules have gone out the door. With a job looming and me plenty busy with three kids still at home, I see no way that I can give adequate attention to the idea of fasting. What I want to do is fast just on Friday mornings, skipping breakfast, if it is convenient -- that is, there are no Friday morning bagels at work. I will then have that experience of fasting when I can pay some attention to my eating habits next May after I am done working. If fasting doesn't work out, it goes out the door. What stays is No S.
Day 23 – Thursday, September 20, 2012: I am trying to move exercise to evening, and it is not working too well. I tried morning before 5:30, and that did not work well either. The exercise bike has been great for me, so I just have to adapt to using it at night.
Day 24 – Friday, September 21, 2012: Last night convinced me that I need to exercise first thing in the morning or not at all, so I was up before 5 AM and only managed 6 minutes on the exercise bike. This will be an adjustment. I did fast until lunch, and I hardly noticed! Tonight I wolfed down dinner, feeling famished. I am not not not going to break the No S Diet with six hours to go before an S Day. It may sound absolutely absurd, but I believe that this diet works because I am wiling to put off my desire to eat now until midnight and then allow myself to satisfy it fully. I am going tonight to the paint store to buy paint and am going to go a few stores down to buy treats for midnight -- Haagen Dazs bars! Why? Does it matter if I eat Haagen Dazs bars now or later? Not in the short run, no. It does matter, however, in the long run. I am exercising self control right now but also allowing for a relaxation of self control.
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The S Day Diet:
One plateful of food at each of three meals per day.
No sweets.
Liquids allowed anytime.
S Days (no restrictions) every weekend.
A rolling average of two Exception Days (no restrictions just like on S Days) every month.
A commitment to develop and follow an exercise program.
Monthly Record of Weight:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0
This Month's Weight (Exception Days in Red):
Day 1 – Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0 2 Exception Days
Day 2 – Thursday, August 30, 2012: 219.4
Day 3 – Friday, August 31, 2012: 218.2
Day 4 - Saturday, September 1, 2012:
Day 5 – Sunday, September 2, 2012:
Day 6 – Monday, September 3, 2012:
Day 7 – Tuesday, September 4, 2012:
Day 8 – Wednesday, September 5, 2012: 217.8
Day 9 – Thursday, September 6, 2012: 218.2
Day 10 – Friday, September 7, 2012: 217.2 S Day
Day 11 – Saturday, September 8, 2012:
Day 12 – Sunday, September 9, 2012:
Day 13 – Monday, September 10, 2012:
Day 14 – Tuesday, September 11, 2012:
Day 15 – Wednesday, September 12, 2012:
Day 16 – Thursday, September 13, 2012: 218.2
Day 17 – Friday, September 14, 2012: 216.8
Day 18 – Saturday, September 15, 2012: 216.6
Day 19 – Sunday, September 16, 2012:
Day 20 – Monday, September 17, 2012:
Day 21 – Tuesday, September 18, 2012:
Day 22 – Wednesday, September 19, 2012: 216.8
Day 23 – Thursday, September 20, 2012:
Day 24 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
Day 25 – Saturday, September 22, 2012:
Day 26 – Sunday, September 23, 2012:
Day 27 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 28 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012:
Day 29 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 30 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 31 – Friday, September 28, 2012:
Day 32 – Saturday, September 29, 2012:
Day 33 – Sunday, September 30, 2012:
This Month's Journal:
Day 1 – Wednesday, August 29, 2012: 222.0 My little girl goes to college today. It's really the start of a new phase in our lives as we let our children go.
9 PM: Anne forgot her bike lock key. After we unloaded everything except the bike, Tommy and I went back home, got the key, and returned to her dorm. It took less than an hour even though it was close to rush hour. Her dorm room is right next to the buildings where both Tom and I took classes for our evening MBAs. It's close. It's familiar. I'll survive. As we left, I looked to see Anne and her roommate confidently going to another building for a program for Welcome Week. Tom told me to be careful not to be a helicopter parent. I read somewhere that parents and children text each other daily while they are in college. No... I need to let her grow up.
Day 2 – Thursday, August 30, 2012: 219.4 I saw a Youtube video last night of Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey talking about his weight. He said something along the lines of people who are alcoholics can stop drinking, and drug abusers can stop using drugs, but you can't just stop eating. He also said that he was trying to lose weight -- it may not look like he's trying, but he is.
Oh, I relate to that! I am sick to death of thinking about my weight. It will really help to just follow this diet and be done with it. I'm not going to record what I eat -- again, that is a way to pay attention to it. The beauty of No S is you think about food three times per day.
Day 3 – Friday, August 31, 2012: 218.2 It's way different when the uncertainty is gone. Of course, yesterday was also a busy day: two Open Houses for school, going to Kumon, and bringing Tom to get a signature on his Eagle project.
While I'm exercising, I'm listening to CDs from David Allen on his book Getting Things Done. He talks about projects and, then when they are done, it's "cruise control". Lot's of projects -- probably, most projects -- have ongoing maintenance. One example from the CD is setting up a new compensation system: salary ranges for each grade level, etc. Once the project is done, then there is ongoing maintenance, such as adjusting salary levels year to year.
"On cruise control" is how I would now describe the project of losing weight. The program is selected, and ongoing execution is all that is required.
Day 5 – Monday, September 3, 2012: We got home early because the campsite was right next to the highway, but we sure made the most of the weekend. We drove up to the tip of Minnesota right next to border control and walked in a park to see the highest waterfall in Minnesota. Anne could not reach us by cell phone but had wanted to wish her Dad a happy birthday. I had my usual S Day binges, but today I feel bloated and not too eager to eat anything or to weigh myself. In fact, weighing myself just might be a problem because it creates a decision point: do I stay on the diet or not? I want to live my life without constant weight obsession. In fact, that is getting to be more of a goal than weight loss. It seems to me that not weighing myself might be an important component of my plan, but we'll see. I just won't weigh myself today.
Day 7 – Tuesday, September 4, 2012: The kids are off to school, and I'm home with the dog. I'm taking the van to get oil changed. The economy seems stalled at least for contract business analysts. I just don't have much activity at all for submissions. I'm not jobhunting much but instead am concentrating on building a skills that I think could make me more marketable. I also have to help Tom over the finish line with his Eagle project.
Katie decided to go on the No S Diet yesterday and came home yesterday and said she was taking an S Day. I got irritated with her. I told her that was my mistake, that the intent of weekday S Days is to be flexible in social situations. Her real problem is she is not in any classes with her two good friends. I wish I could have been more of a model for her with regard to weight. Anne is so self-disciplined that I have no doubt she'll lose the weight she has gained in adolescent years. Katie, on the other hand, is more of a free spirit. I think it would be much harder for her to follow a program like the No S Diet than it is Anne. There is a famous test of self-discipline for four year olds regarding eating a marshmallow: if the child delays eating it for fifteen minutes, she/he gets another one. Anne and Tom waited; Katie popped it in her mouth instantly. I've told her she can make the decision to be more disciplined. We are now working on her making her bed. If she doesn't make her bed in the morning, she loses her ipod for the day.
7 PM: I just ate a large dinner and am grumpy because I want more. I can stand it now because in three days and five hours I can eat as much as I want for two days. It's a good thing I'm not weighing myself because I don't have to worry about weight fluctuations.
Day 8 – Wednesday, September 5, 2012: 217.8 I peeked to look at my weight. I'm not sure if it matters or not. What I am observing is that my hunger levels and/or appetite and/or desire to eat are indistinguishable one from the other: I cannot tell if I am really hungry. Meal timing makes it that I have to put off satisfying whatever that is, whether it is hunger or appetite or simple desire to eat. It plain doesn't matter what it is. I can stay on the diet because I know I can fully satisfy whatever that is at least on the weekend.
Last night, I watched a youtube video that was a 2010 ABC study on obesity and its causes. I was waiting for the washing machine to finish because, guess who, Tommy needed clothing. At any rate, there was information on portion control and a nutritionist showing very obese members of a family what 3/4 cup of cereal looks like. How pathetic. A person could look at self and decide anything is worth getting rid of the blubber, but a few days or weeks or months of 3/4 cup of cereal and no more would turn dieting into torture and the relief is a binge. I know all about it. I've been down that path so many times I cannot count. No S is sanity. With No S, you know that there is an end to hunger, and it is in a matter of days (the weekend).
9 PM: My face feels funny. This is definitely something I've noticed previously when dieting. It's almost as if fat is draining from my face. It is distracting. I'm also short tempered. Honestly, is it really all that big of a deal that I can't get into the high school Website to print off Katie's schedule? Today was a vacation day for me. I went with a friend to the Rembrandt exhibit at the art institute, and we happened to be there when a docent was giving just a superb talk to people wearing name tags (apparently we happened to pick the time when the major donors were going through). I am living my life. It is great! I thought very little about my diet all day, except now at night as I'm getting the kids ready for school tomorrow and feeling that weird feeling in my face. Tomorrow is the big day for Tommy's Eagle project: pouring cement to anchor an arbor. I sure hope that it goes well, but I'm particularly happy that Tom and another Tom from the church will be there. I have trouble installing smoke alarms. Anchoring an arbor is not my area of expertise!
Day 9 – Thursday, September 6, 2012: 218.2 Up and down. Up and down. I really should weigh myself once per week at most. I am feeling ravenous, feeling as though I will not be satisfied no matter how much I eat. Now I know that that feeling will pass and the best way to handle it is to ignore it and get busy.
Day 10 – Friday, September 7, 2012: 217.2 Last night went well for Tom even though it sprinkled a little bit, there was one lightning bolt that threatened to end the entire project, the camera battery died, and work continued so late that headlights were used to put light on the cement mixing process. Today we buy the plants, and tomorrow (weather permitting) the arbor is put up. The hard part is already done. I was called yesterday about an interview early this afternoon, and I have not had time to think about it. The focus right now is Tom's Eagle project. What's nice about what I write is that the focus also has not been my weight. My weight went down. Good. Generally, however, I think a key to maintaining a normal weight is benign neglect: not having to think about it much. This No S Diet is a great way for me not to have to think about it much.
9 PM: Too much emotion for me to handle today. I had an interview at 1 and was told another person would be interviewed on Monday and then a decision would be made. At 4, I was told I had an offer. Good and bad. The job really plays to my strengths so it should be a blast. The manager seems like a manager I had a year ago who was memorably one of the best I've had. The problem, sadly, is home. I have kids who don't contribute much, and I need them to contribute because Tommy hasn't done what I asked in order to apply for a driver's license. I had some taste tests when preparing dinner and took an S Day because of them. After dinner, I ate exactly two nectarines. With tomorrow and Sunday as S Days, do I really need to pig out? Nope. This is why I think I didn't lose more weight going from two weekend S Days to one. I simply shifted the overeating to one day and that one day had to carry me through the week. Now I have two per week and they are no longer so special as a result.
Day 11 – Saturday, September 8, 2012: It is now about 9:45 PM, and I am waiting up for Katie to come home from a movie. It was a memorable day. Tom's project went well. I was charged with tracking hours, and I tracked 137.75 hours contributed by the troop (adults and Scout) and a church member over two days (Thursday and Saturday). The entryway looks beautiful: an arbor, a path of stones, a bench and flowers by the bench and arbor. It wasn't until a little while ago that I realized that it was exactly four years ago today that I started on the No S Diet.
Where am I now? Scared about the ability to manage both home and work once I start working. The recruiter emailed me today to ask that I take a drug test on Monday and complete the background check information today because the company wants me to start during the week of September 17 if possible. I think it is good for the kids to step up and do more at home, but there will be an adjustment. I am glad that Tommy has finished his project and just needs to complete an application.
Tom took a picture of me today when he had the camera instead of me. Oh do I look bad. You can see rolls of fat under my polo shirt. I have walked around all summer in two capris, one of which is the one I am wearing, and I have only worn the same polo shirt in different colors all summer. Why? I have refused to go into women's sizes, and there isn't much for me in the regular sizes. Now, with work upon me, I am going to need to buy new clothes. I won't buy that much, however, because I think I am going to lose weight permanently this time.
My focus can now be on my life -- my husband, my children, my job, my home, even that little dog of ours... Weight is an inherently boring thing to focus on.
Day 12 – Sunday, September 9, 2012: Tom left at 5 AM this morning to go to a conference in Washington, DC. He should have been there yesterday, but he wanted to make sure he was at Tommy's Eagle project the whole day. We did not plan for Tommy, and he made mistakes. It's all part of the learning process. He had not dug around the bench to see how easy it would be to plant plants there, so I and another Mom ran to Home Depot to get soil. When we got back, another Mom had suggested mulch, so Ellie and I ran to Bachmans (a local store that donated $50 in product!) to get mulch. I went to Subway with Ellie to get sandwiches, and there were too few. The paper plates and chips were in our garage, so I ran to Byerly's with Ellie to get paper plates, napkins, and more pop. With all that running around, I managed to have some pretzels for lunch.
An Eagle project is just a wonderful way for a boy to learn how to anticipate problems. If a helicopter parents anticipates them for him, then he has learned nothing. We did not anticipate for him, so the project went until 3:15 with lots of boys and adults helping.
What happened with my eating? I did not have time to think that this was an S Day so I could eat what I want. Had it been my one S Day of the weekend, I would have carved out time for me. I like the two S Day approach. After the project, I came home and had two soft pretzels. I went to bed, just exhausted since I had been awake in the night. We went out to dinner, and I came to a bite in my food and did not want more. I put the hoagie down. I still finished the hoagie, but I at least recognized a stopping point.
I am going to be so busy with this job that I really need to evaluate where I can cut out activities, and I am seriously considering just going to a once per month journal. I think once per month weight is all appropriate. Why? I'm no longer thinking much about food. My journal has been a way for me to think through what is in my mind, and what is in my mind has been food, food, food, weight, lose, panic...
The change came from deciding I will accept the weight that results from following this diet, no matter what that weight may be. As a result of that commitment, I know that I am not going to careen into another Novena Diet or Weight Watchers or fasting diet. What comes to mind for me in writing this is bumper cars. If you watch kids in bumper cars, they ram towards each other and brace themselves for the impact as they get close. That's what my body has been doing all these years: bracing for the impact of another starvation routine, and the bracing for the impact has been binge behavior. I know that Binge Eating Disorder is now a recognized psychological condition, but in fact I think binge behavior may be a normal reaction to portion control approaches to dieting. I crossed a great divide by making a commitment to this diet. I had not really understood it before I made that commitment.
Now what? Do I ramble on here about my interviewing, about Anne going off to college, about Tommy getting his Eagle project done? It's not relevant. I did not know what was relevant to my eating habits and what was not, so I simply started a journal and allowed myself to ramble.
Now there's no longer the need to ramble. It's a Sunday morning right now. Maybe I can just write once per week, but the bottom line is that I don't know there is much more to say.
9 PM: I hate to be crude, so I will be somewhat vague, but eating a lot on the weekends but not during the week has the tendency to create stomach aches. Four years ago, I even started to think that S stood for stomach ache. This happened today as well. It is quite unpleasant. Like a person drinking too much and having a hangover, I feel like I am having a food hangover and am looking forward to a week of three meals per day and no more.
Day 14 – Tuesday, September 11, 2012: I have so much to do to get ready for work that it is not funny, and so No S is falling off my "to do" list. That's the wonderful thing about this program. Falling off my "to do" list does not mean that I'm not doing it. Falling off my "to do" list means I'm doing it without thinking much about it. I may just move No S to a "first of the month" task along with giving a worm pill to my dog. I can update this journal then and weigh myself then. I have a calendar so I can track exercise. Last night did not go so well with the exercise bike. I tried moving exercise from morning to night, and I am not a night person. The result was only 8 minutes on the exercise bike, but I will improve over time.
Day 15 – Wednesday, September 12, 2012: Last night, I was after my son and daughter to sit down to dinner because it was after 6:30 and I was hungry. It was a busy day running around trying to finish up things before starting work, and I told them I can only have one plateful so let's eat! My son looked at my plate and said you have lots more room on your plate: you are only using half of it. It was an observation, not a compliment. Had I attempted to restrict the amount I eat? Nope. Not at all. I had not thought about it at all. I just put the food on my plate that I wanted. I was up until 11:30 last night getting to a good stopping place on a volunteer activity last night, and this morning I am tired. We have kid activities now every single day of the week with no driver other than me because Tom travels so much and my van with 130,000 miles on it was acting weird. If it's not one thing, it's another. At least we won't have to go into our emergency fund to pay Anne's tuition, and it sounds like she is doing well. Her roommate's mother said to me, when we dropped them off on the first day, "Stephanie's a good girl." It makes me tear up to think of it, and I must have told 20 people what the mother said. There is nothing more I would have wanted than for Anne when being assigned a roommate than to have that roommate comes from a family that wants their child first and foremost to be good.
Day 16 – Thursday, September 13, 2012: 218.2 I have to think "bumper cars" and keep going. I literally felt sick when I weighed myself and saw that weight. I was so hopeful!
Day 17 – Friday, September 14, 2012: 216.8 What a difference a day makes! I have not weighed this little since May 13th. I do think that fasting is necessary, but whenever I have tried it, I have failed to keep the No S rules. I went back and read my journal and now am going to add a very modest change: try to fast until noon on Fridays. That's it.
Day 18 – Saturday, September 15, 2012: 216.6 My start date for work isn't until October 1 because my manager decided to take the week of September 24 as a vacation week. I am relieved. There is a lot to do at the start of a school year: attending open houses, setting up ride sharing with other parents, getting the kids used to getting up early... I also got a teacher to meet with Tommy after school for study skills. It's nice to have the money to pay for that (now that I have a job). Tommy got a 94.6% on his calculus readiness test. Six months ago, he answered 4 of 20 fraction problems (addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division) correctly. Kumon did wonders for him, so now all I have to worry about is getting him some study skills.
I am going to fast on Friday mornings. I just think that there is something to fasting that is necessary for humans, and my only proof of that is that fasting is part of many religions, including my own. Catholicism has watered down the fasting requirements, but even my mother grew up with not eating before communion on Sundays and no meat on Fridays. By the time I was a little girl, fasting was just two meals per day and no meat on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday and no meat on Fridays in Lent. I will have little to no time to explore this issue while I am working, which is why I want just a very minimal experience of fasting while I work (avoid eating anything on Friday mornings). I did order a book on fasting off Amazon.
6:30 PM: Last night I felt ravenous as I sat down to eat. Tonight there was a Steak Fry at the church, and I ate so much today that I did not go. I actually feel nauseous. This fluctuation from ravenous to stuffed is hard on me, and yet I think I need to go through this process to reach peace.
Day 19 – Sunday, September 16, 2012: There is no need to weigh myself on Sundays. I can be confident that my weight went up. I feel badly about having missed a social opportunity at the church. As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I remembered the words emailed back to me by the father of an Eagle Scout when I told him Tommy had lost his paperwork: "All part of the process." It is true. This is part of the process. My body needs to trust that it will get food. That must be why I never could combine fasting with this diet. Fasting, I think, is the next step in my becoming thin, but I need to get through this one first. I have to stabilize with No S and then add fasting. The Friday morning fast only is a way to start on fasting while still stabilizing with No S. It's another beautiful morning... I'm so glad. Tommy is already off caddying, and Katie and Ellie will finish up Katie's solar oven project for school. We can now afford a handyman to complete a project Tom started in the backyard. It sure is easier if you have money, but I know there can be problems too that are exacerbated by money, so I'm just glad we can pay Anne's tuition, pay ortho for Katie and Tommy, and pay Ellie's private school tuition. My income was meant for the tuition, so it is important that I work.
11 AM: Church sermons can sometime be a time for personal reflection which is what I did today while the deacon's sermon wandered all over the place as he wandered all over the front of the church. I realized that this diet is about respecting my body and my body's needs in contract to most diets which are about controlling my body and limiting my response to my body's needs. Caloric needs are based on lots of factors: age, current weight, metabolism, amount of exercise, etc. How the heck is someone supposed to figure out or rely on someone else to figure out how many calories a person needs? I see an analogy in my life to respecting or controlling my three teen children and one pre-teen child. It's important to let them experiment and let them make mistakes and help them recover from mistakes. My Katie calls me a "softie" so they were all surprised when I simply insisted they go to Kumon because, frankly, some mistakes I don't want them to continue making like sliding through math classes without understanding. Most mistakes, however, are ones I think they should be allowed to make. My all time favorite memory of Scouts is when Tommy showed up for his car wash fundraiser without first following his Dad's advice to make sure the water was turned on at the church. Sure enough. The water wasn't turned on, so there we were with buckets, soap, kids, cars and no water. These weekend S Days are like that car wash for me. I am learning that, if I overeat, I may feel so bad that I won't be able to go to a church Steak Fry. How many months will it take for me to learn that? Well, I have to be just as patient with myself as I am with my children. It may take some time. That Eagle project has been a wonderful experience for him. Losing the paperwork and managing to recover from losing the paperwork will prepare him for future disasters. He'll be able to think clearly, assess the damage, and come up with a plan for recovery. Tom accuses me of being a helicopter parent, and sometimes I am, but one time I broke something and the words out of my Ellie's mouth were familiar: "That's OK. Everyone makes mistakes." S Days are not mistakes, but they are learning experiences that I need to respect. I need to think less and just follow the S Day Diet.
Day 20 – Monday, September 17, 2012: Today is the 225th anniversary of the U.S. Constitution which has the phrase "blessings of liberty" in its first sentence. I have a replica of the Liberty Bell on the bookshelf in our bedroom. Having read two of Frederick Douglass' autobiographies with the third one ordered from Amazon, I am now even more keenly aware of the difference between liberty and tyranny. How sad that slavery existed in our country!
Day 22 – Wednesday, September 19, 2012: 216.8 I weigh today what I did last Friday. It is so tempting to think that I need to speed along the weight loss process by skipping those S Days. I think those S Days are what distinguish Reinhard's diet and make it practical. Roy Baumeister, a Florida State University professor, wrote a book called Willpower in which he claims that willpower is like a muscle: you need to exercise it and give it time to recover which is why people are supposed to do strengthening exercises only every other day. How many diets have this idea of taking a break built into the program? Does Weight Watchers? Does Atkins? No -- you are always resisting and always on the edge of a cliff holding off the fall. Those who stay the course in managing their eating habits day in and day out are showing superhuman strength, and they are a small percentage of those who attempt the feat. I am not someone of superhuman strength.
Yesterday in the Wall Street Journal there was an article on cravings and it covered a doctor's observation that those who craved foods often were those who had dieted in the past. Yep. You deny yourself until you cannot stand it anymore.
With this diet, my cravings are dropping off. I know I can have anything I want in just a few days, so I am just going about my life and not thinking much about food. Of course, it helps that we had a hole in a pipe coming out of the water heater yesterday, so that had to get fixed! That's life, though. With most diets, life interferes and the diet goes out the window. With this diet, life can intervene and it won't matter much because you've got an easy habit to follow.
8 AM: Ultimately, I think, dieting the most common way with constant restrictions makes a person self-centered. It is understandable: you are starving! No matter how obese you are, you feel like you are starving because you never have enough. What is terrific about this diet is that the diet itself can fade into the background, requiring as much thought as setting up and following the habit of flossing my teeth. The hard part is over for me. Isn't that wonderful? The hard part is over. I am committed to this diet and willing to accept the weight that results.
Now what about fasting? There is something about fasting that makes me think it is necessary but not as a substitute for No S. Instead, it is an additional necessity. Whenever I have tried fasting, No S rules have gone out the door. With a job looming and me plenty busy with three kids still at home, I see no way that I can give adequate attention to the idea of fasting. What I want to do is fast just on Friday mornings, skipping breakfast, if it is convenient -- that is, there are no Friday morning bagels at work. I will then have that experience of fasting when I can pay some attention to my eating habits next May after I am done working. If fasting doesn't work out, it goes out the door. What stays is No S.
Day 23 – Thursday, September 20, 2012: I am trying to move exercise to evening, and it is not working too well. I tried morning before 5:30, and that did not work well either. The exercise bike has been great for me, so I just have to adapt to using it at night.
Day 24 – Friday, September 21, 2012: Last night convinced me that I need to exercise first thing in the morning or not at all, so I was up before 5 AM and only managed 6 minutes on the exercise bike. This will be an adjustment. I did fast until lunch, and I hardly noticed! Tonight I wolfed down dinner, feeling famished. I am not not not going to break the No S Diet with six hours to go before an S Day. It may sound absolutely absurd, but I believe that this diet works because I am wiling to put off my desire to eat now until midnight and then allow myself to satisfy it fully. I am going tonight to the paint store to buy paint and am going to go a few stores down to buy treats for midnight -- Haagen Dazs bars! Why? Does it matter if I eat Haagen Dazs bars now or later? Not in the short run, no. It does matter, however, in the long run. I am exercising self control right now but also allowing for a relaxation of self control.
Last edited by Kathleen on Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:14 am, edited 42 times in total.
Hi Kathleen, seems like you're back on Vanilla No-S. No more recording (just 3 plates). Love it! Also, a good call on not wanting to be a helicopter mum. I think you're doing really great. It's not easy to let go (as I know from my mum).
eschano - Vanilla rocks!
July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021
July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021
-
snapdragon
- Posts: 701
- Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:43 pm
- Location: midwest
Hi there! Gosh I was upset when my oldest started high school this week. She even texted me the first day that she was lost in the hallways. I can't imagine dropping off to college though. Sounds like she is close by I hope thats a little bit of a comfort for you.
I think Vanilla no s is the best too. I am freaking because I am filling my plates up so much but trying not to worry. I have to trust that they will get smaller in time.
I hope the best for you.
I think Vanilla no s is the best too. I am freaking because I am filling my plates up so much but trying not to worry. I have to trust that they will get smaller in time.
I hope the best for you.
Starting weight 185
Healthy BMI 139
Willingness without action is fantasy
Healthy BMI 139
Willingness without action is fantasy
snapdragon,
Anne's roommate just called our home looking for her. What's most comforting to me is that the roommate's Mom said to me, "Stephanie's a good girl, and I presume Anne is, too." Yep, Anne is, too. I told her the other day I have no concern about her skipping classes, getting into drugs, etc. My biggest concern is that she is naive about personal safety, and I've told her PC: privacy = control. She needs to make sure she is around people, especially when she is walking around campus at night. There are people available to walk her. It's not as hard as I thought, at least 12 hours in. She's in the next stage of her life, and she's very ready. Tommy, on the other hand, needs some help getting there. I've got him doing his laundry as of this past week, and he decided to wear the same pair of shorts four days in a row. My husband said: let him. Let him see how other people stay away from him because he stinks! Parenting does have its funny moments. He's learning a ton with his Eagle project.
eschano,
Anne has no idea how my life changed the moment that baby was placed on my chest after she was born. I've never been the same since. I love all my children, of course, but she was the one who introduced me to the role of mother. She was the first sent off to kindergarten, she was the one who first got on a plane by herself, she was the first to explore her interests (science, math, art)... A part of me went to college yesterday.
Kathleen
Anne's roommate just called our home looking for her. What's most comforting to me is that the roommate's Mom said to me, "Stephanie's a good girl, and I presume Anne is, too." Yep, Anne is, too. I told her the other day I have no concern about her skipping classes, getting into drugs, etc. My biggest concern is that she is naive about personal safety, and I've told her PC: privacy = control. She needs to make sure she is around people, especially when she is walking around campus at night. There are people available to walk her. It's not as hard as I thought, at least 12 hours in. She's in the next stage of her life, and she's very ready. Tommy, on the other hand, needs some help getting there. I've got him doing his laundry as of this past week, and he decided to wear the same pair of shorts four days in a row. My husband said: let him. Let him see how other people stay away from him because he stinks! Parenting does have its funny moments. He's learning a ton with his Eagle project.
eschano,
Anne has no idea how my life changed the moment that baby was placed on my chest after she was born. I've never been the same since. I love all my children, of course, but she was the one who introduced me to the role of mother. She was the first sent off to kindergarten, she was the one who first got on a plane by herself, she was the first to explore her interests (science, math, art)... A part of me went to college yesterday.
Kathleen
Keep going, Cyberfriend! You WILL get there, with patience and persistance.
I know the going-off-to-college thing is hard, but take heart: ours are 23 & 26, and I wonder if they'll EVER move out. Ever.
The older son was living in California for awhile, and now has moved back home because he cannot find a job in his field, and is doing a second degree.
Sigh.
It would make it so much easier not to hover if they weren't always HERE.
I know the going-off-to-college thing is hard, but take heart: ours are 23 & 26, and I wonder if they'll EVER move out. Ever.
The older son was living in California for awhile, and now has moved back home because he cannot find a job in his field, and is doing a second degree.
Sigh.
It would make it so much easier not to hover if they weren't always HERE.
Eurobabe2,
Your post made me chuckle! My husband has gotten so mad about my son's -- let's say -- lack of motivation that he threatened to boot him out of the house the day he turns 18! My younger brother lived at home for several years after college and took 8 years to get through college, so I really need to celebrate how mature Anne is that she can now take care of herself!
Kathleen
Your post made me chuckle! My husband has gotten so mad about my son's -- let's say -- lack of motivation that he threatened to boot him out of the house the day he turns 18! My younger brother lived at home for several years after college and took 8 years to get through college, so I really need to celebrate how mature Anne is that she can now take care of herself!
Kathleen
I feel for ya! Our oldest left for college last year and she has always been so dern independant. We agreed ahead of time to talk on the phone one a week. That was hard to do for her I guess. She kept forgetting. I guess that's a good thing, huh? Well, we now text quite frequently about little stuff. I tend to hear more about what's going on in her life when she texts all the time as compared to our weekly talks on the phone. She plans on doing a pre-med residency next summer, so I'm facing the reality that this summer was probably the last that she will have lived here. I think that hit just as hard. Last year I kept telling myself that she would be home for a month for Christmas and then summer at least...
I'm very happy for you. It seems that you have found the peace that comes from just trusting that it will work and the simplicity of not tracking a thing. You go girl! Be patient. It will come. In the mean time hug your kids that are still at home. They fly out the door for college way too fast. Our second leaves next year.
I'm very happy for you. It seems that you have found the peace that comes from just trusting that it will work and the simplicity of not tracking a thing. You go girl! Be patient. It will come. In the mean time hug your kids that are still at home. They fly out the door for college way too fast. Our second leaves next year.
I guess this doesn't work unless you actually do it.
Please pray for me
Please pray for me
reneew,
I think allowing a child to be independent may be like allowing the dog, as we say it, to be a "free agent". If she is confined, she wants to get away. If she is let free, she tends to come to you. This was our first family vacation without Anne. There was more room in the tent, but also the siblings had to do more work because Anne is such a worker. Tommy especially felt her absence because now all he has are two younger sisters. So be it. Things change.
We went back to a park where the kids had swum in a creek that flowed into Lake Superior. It had had a sand bar almost completely separating the creek from the lake. This year, no sand bar. Instead, there were signs posted saying that it was dangerous to swim. Things change. You have to enjoy the moment.
nosnos,
It went OK. I feel the absence of my Anne, but we will adjust. I thought little about No S, which is good!
Kathleen
I think allowing a child to be independent may be like allowing the dog, as we say it, to be a "free agent". If she is confined, she wants to get away. If she is let free, she tends to come to you. This was our first family vacation without Anne. There was more room in the tent, but also the siblings had to do more work because Anne is such a worker. Tommy especially felt her absence because now all he has are two younger sisters. So be it. Things change.
We went back to a park where the kids had swum in a creek that flowed into Lake Superior. It had had a sand bar almost completely separating the creek from the lake. This year, no sand bar. Instead, there were signs posted saying that it was dangerous to swim. Things change. You have to enjoy the moment.
nosnos,
It went OK. I feel the absence of my Anne, but we will adjust. I thought little about No S, which is good!
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
I can't believe this week has flown by so fast!
It sounds like you did great last weekend- I hope you have been OK adjusting to all the changes in your life now that Anne is at Uni.
I thought of you the other day as a friend of mine defined being blessed as being in the right place- this made me smile and think of your journey with no s (and mine!)
Anyway- I hope you have found no s easy this week and I look forward to hearing more sucess and progress from you.
nosnos
I can't believe this week has flown by so fast!
It sounds like you did great last weekend- I hope you have been OK adjusting to all the changes in your life now that Anne is at Uni.
I thought of you the other day as a friend of mine defined being blessed as being in the right place- this made me smile and think of your journey with no s (and mine!)
Anyway- I hope you have found no s easy this week and I look forward to hearing more sucess and progress from you.
nosnosKathleen, just wanted to stop by and say how pleased I am for you that you are settling into a NoS routine
Something that worked for me when I wanted to track my weight but not be put off by the inevitable up-down of it all, was using physicsdiet.com. You enter your weight every day, and it tracks it in a neat little graph that gives you the overall trend. So, over the space of a month your weight may go up-down-up-down, but if you can see the trend line moving downwards it's pretty motivating! It was also good to see graphically that every upswing of the scale doesn't necessarily mean a lot in the grand scheme of things. f you are better than me at spreadsheets and whatnot you may be able to build your own graph that does the same thing!
Something that worked for me when I wanted to track my weight but not be put off by the inevitable up-down of it all, was using physicsdiet.com. You enter your weight every day, and it tracks it in a neat little graph that gives you the overall trend. So, over the space of a month your weight may go up-down-up-down, but if you can see the trend line moving downwards it's pretty motivating! It was also good to see graphically that every upswing of the scale doesn't necessarily mean a lot in the grand scheme of things. f you are better than me at spreadsheets and whatnot you may be able to build your own graph that does the same thing!
nosnos,
I finally made a commitment to No S. It was four years ago tomorrow that I started on No S. It took a long, long time for me to decide this is the way to go. Thanks for the encouragement!
milleum,
I looked into it, and it seems like a good idea. With an interview this afternoon, I have to put off looking at it. Thanks for the suggestion!
Kathleen
I finally made a commitment to No S. It was four years ago tomorrow that I started on No S. It took a long, long time for me to decide this is the way to go. Thanks for the encouragement!
milleum,
I looked into it, and it seems like a good idea. With an interview this afternoon, I have to put off looking at it. Thanks for the suggestion!
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen- I know you felt diheartened at your last weigh in but I think it's great. You have lost 2lbs- go in to your kitchen and pick up a lb of flour- it's not nothing! And you have lost it in a way that is not too difficult, allows you a social life, AND regular treats. And I am certain that if you stay on plan you will see many more llbs come off this way.
Congrats on the new job!
nosnos
Congrats on the new job!
nosnosYour scale showed you gained 0.4 pounds in a week - that's absolutely negligible, you might fluctuate more than that every single day depending on exactly what you eat, drink and the time! Keep your eye on the overall trendKathleen wrote:nosnos,
I really felt panic yesterday morning. It was short sighted. Thanks for your reassuring note.
Kathleen
Fasting eh?! I smell a tweak Kathleen didn't you promise not to do that for a year to yourself and us?... Also there are plenty of thin people out there who never fast- why do you believe it to be necessary for you? Surely the problem is overall food consumed- not to skip one masily breakfast...Didn't it always just encourage a binge in the past? I'm a little confused!
Hope you are well though- keep it real simple, you are doing great and the results have no choice but to catch up with that eventually!
nosnos
Hope you are well though- keep it real simple, you are doing great and the results have no choice but to catch up with that eventually!
nosnos
Have to agree with nosnos here Kathleen!
NoS is a journey that will take more than three weeks to stabilise. I know it's tempting, but try allowing yourself a good amount of time to get the N day habits down before you add in anything elseFasting, I think, is the next step in my becoming thin, but I need to get through this one first. I have to stabilize with No S and then add fasting
nosnos and milleum,
The desire to fast just is not going away, and I do not know why. I think there is a spiritual aspect to overeating, and the suspicion comes from the fast that fasting is in almost every religion. Rather than ignore that feeling, I'm going to allow one small fast (skipping breakfast) each Friday and look into this after I'm done working in late April. This gives me some information to work with in the spring. I fulfilled my end of the bargain to read my journal for the last six months, and I sure don't want to do that again to "earn" another tweak! Besides, I'll be too busy!
Kathleen
The desire to fast just is not going away, and I do not know why. I think there is a spiritual aspect to overeating, and the suspicion comes from the fast that fasting is in almost every religion. Rather than ignore that feeling, I'm going to allow one small fast (skipping breakfast) each Friday and look into this after I'm done working in late April. This gives me some information to work with in the spring. I fulfilled my end of the bargain to read my journal for the last six months, and I sure don't want to do that again to "earn" another tweak! Besides, I'll be too busy!
Kathleen
Ultimatly it is your choice but I question whether you would want to fast if you were 130lbs... I myself have fasted (although never for weight loss) I have gone 15 days on raw juice for detox and spiritual reasons so I'm not anti-fasting per se... however everytime I fasted my weight shot back up to what it was before, due to changes in my metabolism and 'compensation eating'_ I would always end up increasing the calories in my meals a few weeks after a fast. I think this is a natural process and I go into any fast knowing this happens.
In one breath you talk about the dangers of restrictions and excess will power and on the next breath you want to start tweaking again- it is a slippey slope.
You said yourself how fasting has ended every time before- At very least I bet you want a huge lunch and dinner on days you 'skip breakfast' and at worst you may find yourself getting back into constant diet tweaking , binging and weight gain....
Am I right in thinking you have now lost 6lbs!!! this is really great well done Do you really want to risk it?
nosnos
In one breath you talk about the dangers of restrictions and excess will power and on the next breath you want to start tweaking again- it is a slippey slope.
You said yourself how fasting has ended every time before- At very least I bet you want a huge lunch and dinner on days you 'skip breakfast' and at worst you may find yourself getting back into constant diet tweaking , binging and weight gain....
Am I right in thinking you have now lost 6lbs!!! this is really great well done
Do you really want to risk it? nosnos-
BrightAngel
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Kathleen wrote:The desire to fast just is not going away, and I do not know why.
Part of successful weight-loss is to realize that One doesn't have to ACT upon every thought that enters one's mind.
This doesn't mean only "instanteous" thoughts, but also those that persist.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
nosnos and BrightAngel,
If I was 130 lbs., I would want to try fasting. Years and years ago, I read a book on fasting in which it said you cannot understand it unless you experience it. I think I dived in where I should have put a toe in the water. Last summer (summer of 2011), I fasted four 24 hour periods in 7 days and gained weight. I tried the every other day fasting idea from one book and gained weight. I agree with you that there is danger to trying it, but I decided to delay giving much thought to it until after I am done working in May and just have the experiment be limited to one morning per week.
I'm not risking my progress because of the decision to dump fasting if there is any lapse in following No S rules. This would be an add-on to No S and not a substitute for it.
Thanks for your concerns. Tomorrow morning I am having a short meeting with a recruiter who is highly regarded as a way to build my network and then I am having lunch out with my sister in law. Giving up food tomorrow morning will be easy.
If I get to work and there are Friday morning doughnuts or bagels every week, I'll avoid them if possible but eat them if it would be awkward not to do so.
The book I ordered from Amazon on fasting is very spiritual in anture. I got it and put it in my drawer because I'm reading Frederick Douglass' book first that also came with that order and I'm reading another book called Lean Start up first that could help me in my new job. Here is a line from the first page of the book: "Fasting satisfies the desire of our hearts: to know and walk intimately with God."
I keep on thinking that the obesity epidemic is not due to availability of food or to a lack of exercise, because the real problem is that people desire to eat more than they need. It's not that there is more available because there were other times in history (notably the High Middle Ages) when there was lots of food available. I think the problem, ultimately, is spiritual.
One line I use with the kids all the time is this: "If you don't believe in God, you will believe in gods." There's a line from somewhere that I remember -- I think Aristotle's Ethics -- that says the lowest ethic is that of people where "their god is their belly." Lots of people just worship comfort. I'm not saying that is fair. I'm saying that there is something there I want to explore. I know more than most that restrictive eating results in a feeling of constant starvation. It is not the same to say someone is seeking comfort when they just want to avoid the maddening and totally distracting feeling that I AM STARVING!
Kathleen
If I was 130 lbs., I would want to try fasting. Years and years ago, I read a book on fasting in which it said you cannot understand it unless you experience it. I think I dived in where I should have put a toe in the water. Last summer (summer of 2011), I fasted four 24 hour periods in 7 days and gained weight. I tried the every other day fasting idea from one book and gained weight. I agree with you that there is danger to trying it, but I decided to delay giving much thought to it until after I am done working in May and just have the experiment be limited to one morning per week.
I'm not risking my progress because of the decision to dump fasting if there is any lapse in following No S rules. This would be an add-on to No S and not a substitute for it.
Thanks for your concerns. Tomorrow morning I am having a short meeting with a recruiter who is highly regarded as a way to build my network and then I am having lunch out with my sister in law. Giving up food tomorrow morning will be easy.
If I get to work and there are Friday morning doughnuts or bagels every week, I'll avoid them if possible but eat them if it would be awkward not to do so.
The book I ordered from Amazon on fasting is very spiritual in anture. I got it and put it in my drawer because I'm reading Frederick Douglass' book first that also came with that order and I'm reading another book called Lean Start up first that could help me in my new job. Here is a line from the first page of the book: "Fasting satisfies the desire of our hearts: to know and walk intimately with God."
I keep on thinking that the obesity epidemic is not due to availability of food or to a lack of exercise, because the real problem is that people desire to eat more than they need. It's not that there is more available because there were other times in history (notably the High Middle Ages) when there was lots of food available. I think the problem, ultimately, is spiritual.
One line I use with the kids all the time is this: "If you don't believe in God, you will believe in gods." There's a line from somewhere that I remember -- I think Aristotle's Ethics -- that says the lowest ethic is that of people where "their god is their belly." Lots of people just worship comfort. I'm not saying that is fair. I'm saying that there is something there I want to explore. I know more than most that restrictive eating results in a feeling of constant starvation. It is not the same to say someone is seeking comfort when they just want to avoid the maddening and totally distracting feeling that I AM STARVING!
Kathleen
The Blessings of Simplicity: September 21, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The S Day Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions are classified either as an S Event (justifiable) or FAIL (unjustified).
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
This Month's Category of Days:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: 217.2
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: 217.0
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: 217.0
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012: 216.0
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: 216.2
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012:
This Month's Weight:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: FAIL
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: S DAY
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: S DAY
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: S EVENT
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012:
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: S DAY
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012: S DAY
Description of S Events and Failures:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: FAIL The fail occurred after 7 PM, after I had gone to the store to get S Day treats. I wolfed down 3 Haagen Dazs bars and about 1/3 of a German chocolate cake (Pepperidge Farm) in less than an hour. I'm not sure what else, if anything, I ate. Katie caught me. It was terribly embarrassing. It was so embarrassing I changed my diet, making this day a Day 1.
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: S EVENT I bribed Anne and Tom to go with me to the annual Etiquette Dinner at the U of M. This will be my first time seeing Anne since dropping her off at the U on August 29. Anne said No at first, but I asked her what could persuade her. She said it would be nice to have a Wii with the game Brawler. I agreed, and we are going to spend approximately $300 on this. It's not really a bribe. It is a way for her to socialize with the other science kids in the honors program. As for Tommy, he was willing to go because of the miniature desserts. I suggested to Anne that she keep to herself that she is being rewarded with a Wii and he gets miniature desserts!
This Month's Journal:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0 It is 8 PM, and I got back from the paint store and the grocery store to eat all three Haagen Dazs bars and about 1/3 of the Pepperidge Farm German Chocolate Cake. I am now stuffed. What did I learn? I learned that there is a difference between failing to follow No S rules on weekdays and setting up a system of Exception Days. I learned that you can be tempted to take an S Day and just binge. If you instead try always to follow the rules, you only break them to the extent that they are needed. I think I need to put away that book on fasting and reread No S.
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: 217.2 I did not get up until almost 6:30 this morning, which is part of the reason why the scale only registers a .2 pound increase. My problem with No S has been attributing a failure to occasions which are not major holidays but which call for eating outside of No S rules. One of these occasions is coming up for me on Tuesday night. OK. Let me solve that particular problem. I think I'm a going to call a day like yesterday exactly what it was: a failure. I want to distinguish the occasions like Tuesday (a multi-course dinner with dessert) where the occasion (the dinner) is an appropriate time to break the No S rules but not the rest of the day. Maybe I can just call it S Event.
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: 217.0 My weight did not go up on an S Day. Of course, I had eaten a lot on Friday night so I wasn't really hungry most of Saturday. Ellie fell out of her favorite climbing tree when she placed weight on a dead branch, so I was with her at the hospital and did not think about eating from 5:30 until she got stitches and a splint. She had a sleepover with a friend who stayed and then her friend's mother kindly came and stayed with Katie and her daughter while we were at the hospital. They got to stay up a little after we got home and now are downstairs watching TV. I am so appreciative of the mother who came. Katie could have handled things just fine, but Katie kept calling me at the hospital and I wanted to focus on Ellie.
I don't know how to describe it, but I keep thinking that my weight problem has something to do with good vs. evil. Maybe it's because I'm now reading the third and last autobiography of Frederick Douglass after having read his first two since late July. Evil is evil, although there are widely different manifestations of it. Last week, my Katie heard a talk in school by a woman who survived the Holocaust. Now I am reading: "I have seen my old master when in a tempest of wrath, and full of pride, hatred, jealousy and revenge, seem a very fiend." (Chapter 5 of The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass).
What do I see evil in what I am doing? It's my binge behavior. What happened Friday night with my locking myself in the bedroom to wolf down cake and Haagen Dazs bars is something that many people experience, especially long-term dieters. I cannot help but think that this is the result of not respecting my body's needs and pushing it too far. How does this relate the the "wanton cruelty" of a slaveholder? I don't know, but I think there is more of a relationship than that I am thinking about dieting while reading that book. I read a book a few years ago called The Instinct to Heal which discusses the mind/body dichotomy, and I think of my mind as possibly like a slaveholder brutalizing my body with diets. My body is tired of it, like Frederick Douglass was when he decided he would never again submit to a beating without resistance. My body's resistance is that binge. Sorry if I am offending anyone here, but I am just trying to work out why I am almost taken over in a binge -- it seems irrational.
The No S Diet is very respectful of my body. I can eat at regular times, and I can eat a decent amount (what fits on my plate). I have two days per week when I can eat whatever I want. That's why this diet has been sanity for me and why fasting hasn't worked. Fasting has triggered that binge response which got more and more pronounced over the years.
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012: I have one week before I start work and not much to do, so I am going to repaint the basement. When my husband replaced the deck with a patio, he had a window filled in, only he never fixed the inside. I got the handyman to do that. Now I can paint the entire basement and reclaim it. It's become a junk room cluttered with the exercise bike, file cabinets, the bookshelf that no longer fits in Katie and Ellie's room, etc.
Respect. Part of self-respect is having a neat home. Part of self-respect is dressing well. I have failed miserably on both counts. All summer, I wear different colors of polo shirts and two pairs of shorts. I tied my hair back in a ponytail.
This diet is not going to work unless I respect myself, and that doesn't just mean following the diet. It also means granting myself the value of a human being. I have been in a support role all these years, and that has been what I have wanted, but there is something out of kilter about my husband taking my son canoeing in the Boundary Waters while I am home getting rooms redone. Now he wants to take our daughter backpacking in New Mexico next summer, since she'll be old enough to be part of the co-ed Boy Scout group called Venturing Scouts. No.
The authors of Intuitive Eating said about their eating approach that it can result in changes in your life that were totally unanticipated. Maybe so... That approach did not work for this chronic dieter. I do think, however, some of what they said about their diet actually applies for me about this diet. I think there are going to be some changes where I am not longer going to be willing, as was the case last night, to be given some jeans by my daughter at about 9:30 PM and asked to have them clean by morning. They are no longer babies who needs are immediate and who must have those needs met immediately. Even the youngest, at 11, is capable of planning ahead.
When I go to work full time for seven months, they are simply going to have to help. I had lunch with my sister in law on Friday, and I asked her how she was able to keep up at home and at work. She told me a couple of stories that indicated it was hard. Her little YorkiePoo, for example, a 10 pound dog that is the same breed as ours, was left out all day and dug a hole to keep warm, so she was giving him a bath at 8 PM and trying to get the sod back in place. It was mild last week and didn't rain, so she and her dog were lucky.
3 PM: I sent my husband an email to say that we can try to find a win-win to his taking Katie backpacking. I feel bad for Ellie. She just lost out on soccer.
What does this have to do with my weight? All this weight management has created in me a tendency to knee-jerk reactions. We don't have to make a decision on the backpacking trip today. We can think it through. I have my hands full right now getting Ellie into an ortho to get her cast on. The emergency room wants to cast her and my pediatrician recommended another ortho group. Top notch medical care is critical, and this is her right arm!
This has not been a pleasant or productive day.
6 PM: Ellie got a cast on one arm and a splint on the other arm. I asked her what she would like to do if Dad and Katie went backpacking. She wants to go to Harry Potter World. We have lots of frequent flyer miles for air and hotel. Maybe we should do just that!
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012: Yesterday may have been a big turning point, but I did not recognize it at the time. I was busy. Tommy got up at 3 because the dog kept him awake, and the dog immediately shot into my room. When he got her, I woke up. Because of that, I was awake for about an hour and even went downstairs to tape more walls for painting. I overslept. When I woke up, I thought to myself, "Ick." What was icky? I could feel food in my stomach from the Etiquette Dinner the night before. I was to have coffee with a friend at 8:30 and decided that a vanilla latte would be my breakfast. I did not want more. This morning now, I woke up and thought "ick". Once again, I did not like the feeling of food in my stomach. This time, that feeling is less pronounced so I'll have breakfast but it will be a small breakfast. This is "the promised land". What I have wanted all along is not so much a lower weight (although that obviously is a goal, too) as the desire to eat less. I want to eat less. This morning, I will have a small bowl of Cheerios or 1/2 piece of toast.
Personally, I think that the key to success in this diet is to allow over the top eating on S Days because eventually you don't like the aftereffects enough to eat so much.
I also like having things in black and white: unrestricted S Days on the weekends, and only restricted days during the week (S Events or Fails). I can no longer decide "to take an S Day."
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012: 216.0 Sometimes what is evil takes on the appearance of good, like the old saying of "a sheep in wolf's clothing". Here I am, at home and not working, so I've had time to listen to Obama go on and on about "millionaires and billionaires" having to pay their fair share. Now he's got a new term: "economic patriotism." It makes me sick, literally sick.
When I was in college, we read Plato's Republic, and I remember reading about how democracy can very quickly turn into tyranny. A tyrant is defined as "the man who incites faction against those who have wealth." (Book 8 ). Obama is going around the country preaching compassion, being your brother's keeper (how ironic he uses the words of Cain, the first murderer), and now "economic patriotism."
It is evil, downright evil. He is appealing to greed and laziness while preaching compassion. Worse yet, it is the path to slavery. I recognize this fact all the more acutely as I read Frederick Douglass who said, "To enslave men successfully and safely it is necessary to keep their minds occupied with thoughts and aspirations short of the liberty of which they are deprived. A certain degree of attainable good must be kept before them." Obama is bribing voters with free phones, free healthcare, free lunch and now free breakfast and then turning around and setting up the wealthy as not patriotic for giving up their hard-earned wealth to pay for those who do not earn it. Where is this going to end? I know someone who stopped working to go golfing at the top 100 golf courses in the US. I know of people who are asking me to write checks to them instead of their companies. Why? To avoid taxes that are already high.
You can be good in an evil time, and that's what I need to focus on. Slavery was much worse than what is happening now, although what is happening now can degenerate into slavery very quickly. Reading Frederick Douglass' autobiographies gives me an idea of how people can deceive themselves. Slaveholders actually justified their abuse of fellow human beings by arguing that they were taking care of people who could not take care of themselves. Frederick Douglass was so happy when he earned his first money as a free man because he could do with it as he pleased. These people getting free stuff will find that there are strings attached and, once the wealth of this country is depleted, will be forced into labor. There's a lot of wealth in the country, it's true, but it is being spent quickly and foolishly. My kids are complaining now about how they have to take a fruit or vegetable and they throw it out if they don't want it. Michelle Obama's anti-obesity epidemic campaign resulted in changes to school lunches. The price of Tom's lunch just went up, so I may have the kids bring their own lunch. I don't want to be paying for food that is tossed in the garbage.
I can only do what I can do. I got Tom his absentee ballot, and I'm getting Anne hers. I can teach my children the value of hard work and not of having your hand out, although it is particularly hard to teach this to a 16 year old boy who goes to school where so many kids on reduced lunch have better than he does in clothing and phones and shoes. They don't have to pay for school lunch and we do.
What does this have to do with dieting? I am in an obese world and need to create my own values and stick with them in the midst of this world. Here I am down a pound after a week and looking forward to two S Days. The temptation is to skip the S Days to lose more weight, and that will have the immediate effect of losing more weight now but the long term effect of not sticking with the diet long term. What seems good (the self-discipline of not taking S Days) is actually bad because it will, sooner or later, trigger the starvation-prevention reaction of the body.
Three of my four kids are overweight. I do not think their being forced to take a fruit or vegetable is the right approach. Teens tend to rebel when told what to do. They do need, however, to set up an environment like The S Day Diet that allows them to want to eat less. I can only do what I can do. I can show them the way. It's taken a decade of keeping a journal to figure this out. I did not create the plan but did find it and did document my ups and downs in coming to an understanding of it.
The rest is easy. The hard work is behind me.
8 PM: I picked up Anne's bike on Tuesday because there was something wrong with it and took it to a bike shop where I was informed she needs air in her tires. Tonight, I returned it. I realized she had continued to lose weight. She's down a total of 20 pounds since June. That's quite an inspiration!
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: 216.2 Oh, it was so terrific to see Anne and realize that her blue jeans were sliding down which meant she had lost weight. I am so happy for her! She always was a loner, with only one friend in high school. She just did not fit in. Smart, motivated, shy, geeky... Her number one criteria for selection of a school was that the other kids would be like her. Well, she's found lots of kids like her in the honors dorm.
Now I have two S Days in front of me. Because I was up past midnight, I did enjoy eating outside N Day rules. Still, S Days are just plain not like binges. S Days are a way to prevent binges. Why would my body ever rebel if, every weekend, I can have whatever I want and as much as I want of whatever I want? Having now experienced some unpleasant side effects of overeating, I'm not not waiting to get out the door, go to the store, and buy cakes, Haagen Dazs bars, etc.... My eating will get more moderate over time, although I suspect that I will occasionally really overeat to relearn that I don't want to overindulge that much. That is OK. That is the purpose of S Days.
S Days, I have concluded, are the way to overcome the principal problem of maintaining weight loss, which is uncontrolled binges. That's my theory. It may be wrong. I'm testing it out.
As for fasting, it may be a good idea for some, but it is not a good idea for me. I skimmed the book on fasting, and the woman who wrote it has had weekly one day fasts, forty day fasts, and all sorts of other fasts. She ended up on medication which requires food, so she said her days of fasting for forty days are over. She said that the fact that she has medication requiring food means it is not God's will for her to fast.
Well, I am thinking I am in the same boat. The fact that anything more than fasting between meals can lead to a binge indicates to me that this is not God's will for me except when required on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Had I grown up with fasting or lived in a time when the Catholic faith required more fasting, then I would have had to conclude it was God's will for me and would have managed. As it is now, I'm doing what is not required and it doesn't work for me. Fasting is a temptation because "by the fruits you will know" the difference between good and evil. The result of fasting is a binge. That is not good. Closed book on that idea.
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012: Tomorrow I start work, and I will no longer have time to focus on my diet. It doesn't matter, however.
In all three of Frederick Douglass' autobiographies, he describes at length how he was hired out as a laborer to a man known for his skills at "negro-breaking". He was given impossible tasks and then beaten for not doing them. This continued until August when he was beaten when so exhausted he could not stand, and he ended up with a few days away (including Sunday, when a master would not beat a slave). On Monday, the negro-breaker tried to beat him, and he fought back through resistance. The fight ended in the place where cow manure was kept. This man's description of the scene is vivid. After that, Frederick decided he would never allow himself to be whipped without resistance. He did not know the consequences of fighting this man, although typically the slave was sold to the South where conditions were reputed to be much worse. Frederick speculates that the man wanted to maintain his reputation as a "negro-breaker" and could not do so if he turned in a 16 year old boy who has resisted and fought to the point that the "negro-breaker" let him go without a whipping.
Frederick points to that day and that fight as when he was no longer a slave in spirit. It took another four years before he escaped and others recognized him as a free man, but he recognized the freedom given him by God on that day.
I think of that day in his life because I think that I am no longer a slave to weight issues. While I am still obese, it is only a matter of time before my weight drops to normal.
My plan is to record my official weight for the month on the first Friday or Saturday of each month. Weight will still fluctuate across the week, with Monday or Tuesday as the highest weight of the week. That's why I want to be consistent in when I record the weight.
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The S Day Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions are classified either as an S Event (justifiable) or FAIL (unjustified).
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
This Month's Category of Days:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: 217.2
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: 217.0
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: 217.0
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012: 216.0
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: 216.2
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012:
This Month's Weight:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: FAIL
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: S DAY
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: S DAY
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: S EVENT
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, September 27, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012:
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: S DAY
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012: S DAY
Description of S Events and Failures:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: FAIL The fail occurred after 7 PM, after I had gone to the store to get S Day treats. I wolfed down 3 Haagen Dazs bars and about 1/3 of a German chocolate cake (Pepperidge Farm) in less than an hour. I'm not sure what else, if anything, I ate. Katie caught me. It was terribly embarrassing. It was so embarrassing I changed my diet, making this day a Day 1.
Day 5 – Tuesday, September 25, 2012: S EVENT I bribed Anne and Tom to go with me to the annual Etiquette Dinner at the U of M. This will be my first time seeing Anne since dropping her off at the U on August 29. Anne said No at first, but I asked her what could persuade her. She said it would be nice to have a Wii with the game Brawler. I agreed, and we are going to spend approximately $300 on this. It's not really a bribe. It is a way for her to socialize with the other science kids in the honors program. As for Tommy, he was willing to go because of the miniature desserts. I suggested to Anne that she keep to herself that she is being rewarded with a Wii and he gets miniature desserts!
This Month's Journal:
Day 1 – Friday, September 21, 2012: 217.0 It is 8 PM, and I got back from the paint store and the grocery store to eat all three Haagen Dazs bars and about 1/3 of the Pepperidge Farm German Chocolate Cake. I am now stuffed. What did I learn? I learned that there is a difference between failing to follow No S rules on weekdays and setting up a system of Exception Days. I learned that you can be tempted to take an S Day and just binge. If you instead try always to follow the rules, you only break them to the extent that they are needed. I think I need to put away that book on fasting and reread No S.
Day 2 – Saturday, September 22, 2012: 217.2 I did not get up until almost 6:30 this morning, which is part of the reason why the scale only registers a .2 pound increase. My problem with No S has been attributing a failure to occasions which are not major holidays but which call for eating outside of No S rules. One of these occasions is coming up for me on Tuesday night. OK. Let me solve that particular problem. I think I'm a going to call a day like yesterday exactly what it was: a failure. I want to distinguish the occasions like Tuesday (a multi-course dinner with dessert) where the occasion (the dinner) is an appropriate time to break the No S rules but not the rest of the day. Maybe I can just call it S Event.
Day 3 – Sunday, September 23, 2012: 217.0 My weight did not go up on an S Day. Of course, I had eaten a lot on Friday night so I wasn't really hungry most of Saturday. Ellie fell out of her favorite climbing tree when she placed weight on a dead branch, so I was with her at the hospital and did not think about eating from 5:30 until she got stitches and a splint. She had a sleepover with a friend who stayed and then her friend's mother kindly came and stayed with Katie and her daughter while we were at the hospital. They got to stay up a little after we got home and now are downstairs watching TV. I am so appreciative of the mother who came. Katie could have handled things just fine, but Katie kept calling me at the hospital and I wanted to focus on Ellie.
I don't know how to describe it, but I keep thinking that my weight problem has something to do with good vs. evil. Maybe it's because I'm now reading the third and last autobiography of Frederick Douglass after having read his first two since late July. Evil is evil, although there are widely different manifestations of it. Last week, my Katie heard a talk in school by a woman who survived the Holocaust. Now I am reading: "I have seen my old master when in a tempest of wrath, and full of pride, hatred, jealousy and revenge, seem a very fiend." (Chapter 5 of The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass).
What do I see evil in what I am doing? It's my binge behavior. What happened Friday night with my locking myself in the bedroom to wolf down cake and Haagen Dazs bars is something that many people experience, especially long-term dieters. I cannot help but think that this is the result of not respecting my body's needs and pushing it too far. How does this relate the the "wanton cruelty" of a slaveholder? I don't know, but I think there is more of a relationship than that I am thinking about dieting while reading that book. I read a book a few years ago called The Instinct to Heal which discusses the mind/body dichotomy, and I think of my mind as possibly like a slaveholder brutalizing my body with diets. My body is tired of it, like Frederick Douglass was when he decided he would never again submit to a beating without resistance. My body's resistance is that binge. Sorry if I am offending anyone here, but I am just trying to work out why I am almost taken over in a binge -- it seems irrational.
The No S Diet is very respectful of my body. I can eat at regular times, and I can eat a decent amount (what fits on my plate). I have two days per week when I can eat whatever I want. That's why this diet has been sanity for me and why fasting hasn't worked. Fasting has triggered that binge response which got more and more pronounced over the years.
Day 4 – Monday, September 24, 2012: I have one week before I start work and not much to do, so I am going to repaint the basement. When my husband replaced the deck with a patio, he had a window filled in, only he never fixed the inside. I got the handyman to do that. Now I can paint the entire basement and reclaim it. It's become a junk room cluttered with the exercise bike, file cabinets, the bookshelf that no longer fits in Katie and Ellie's room, etc.
Respect. Part of self-respect is having a neat home. Part of self-respect is dressing well. I have failed miserably on both counts. All summer, I wear different colors of polo shirts and two pairs of shorts. I tied my hair back in a ponytail.
This diet is not going to work unless I respect myself, and that doesn't just mean following the diet. It also means granting myself the value of a human being. I have been in a support role all these years, and that has been what I have wanted, but there is something out of kilter about my husband taking my son canoeing in the Boundary Waters while I am home getting rooms redone. Now he wants to take our daughter backpacking in New Mexico next summer, since she'll be old enough to be part of the co-ed Boy Scout group called Venturing Scouts. No.
The authors of Intuitive Eating said about their eating approach that it can result in changes in your life that were totally unanticipated. Maybe so... That approach did not work for this chronic dieter. I do think, however, some of what they said about their diet actually applies for me about this diet. I think there are going to be some changes where I am not longer going to be willing, as was the case last night, to be given some jeans by my daughter at about 9:30 PM and asked to have them clean by morning. They are no longer babies who needs are immediate and who must have those needs met immediately. Even the youngest, at 11, is capable of planning ahead.
When I go to work full time for seven months, they are simply going to have to help. I had lunch with my sister in law on Friday, and I asked her how she was able to keep up at home and at work. She told me a couple of stories that indicated it was hard. Her little YorkiePoo, for example, a 10 pound dog that is the same breed as ours, was left out all day and dug a hole to keep warm, so she was giving him a bath at 8 PM and trying to get the sod back in place. It was mild last week and didn't rain, so she and her dog were lucky.
3 PM: I sent my husband an email to say that we can try to find a win-win to his taking Katie backpacking. I feel bad for Ellie. She just lost out on soccer.
What does this have to do with my weight? All this weight management has created in me a tendency to knee-jerk reactions. We don't have to make a decision on the backpacking trip today. We can think it through. I have my hands full right now getting Ellie into an ortho to get her cast on. The emergency room wants to cast her and my pediatrician recommended another ortho group. Top notch medical care is critical, and this is her right arm!
This has not been a pleasant or productive day.
6 PM: Ellie got a cast on one arm and a splint on the other arm. I asked her what she would like to do if Dad and Katie went backpacking. She wants to go to Harry Potter World. We have lots of frequent flyer miles for air and hotel. Maybe we should do just that!
Day 6 – Wednesday, September 26, 2012: Yesterday may have been a big turning point, but I did not recognize it at the time. I was busy. Tommy got up at 3 because the dog kept him awake, and the dog immediately shot into my room. When he got her, I woke up. Because of that, I was awake for about an hour and even went downstairs to tape more walls for painting. I overslept. When I woke up, I thought to myself, "Ick." What was icky? I could feel food in my stomach from the Etiquette Dinner the night before. I was to have coffee with a friend at 8:30 and decided that a vanilla latte would be my breakfast. I did not want more. This morning now, I woke up and thought "ick". Once again, I did not like the feeling of food in my stomach. This time, that feeling is less pronounced so I'll have breakfast but it will be a small breakfast. This is "the promised land". What I have wanted all along is not so much a lower weight (although that obviously is a goal, too) as the desire to eat less. I want to eat less. This morning, I will have a small bowl of Cheerios or 1/2 piece of toast.
Personally, I think that the key to success in this diet is to allow over the top eating on S Days because eventually you don't like the aftereffects enough to eat so much.
I also like having things in black and white: unrestricted S Days on the weekends, and only restricted days during the week (S Events or Fails). I can no longer decide "to take an S Day."
Day 8 – Friday, September 28, 2012: 216.0 Sometimes what is evil takes on the appearance of good, like the old saying of "a sheep in wolf's clothing". Here I am, at home and not working, so I've had time to listen to Obama go on and on about "millionaires and billionaires" having to pay their fair share. Now he's got a new term: "economic patriotism." It makes me sick, literally sick.
When I was in college, we read Plato's Republic, and I remember reading about how democracy can very quickly turn into tyranny. A tyrant is defined as "the man who incites faction against those who have wealth." (Book 8 ). Obama is going around the country preaching compassion, being your brother's keeper (how ironic he uses the words of Cain, the first murderer), and now "economic patriotism."
It is evil, downright evil. He is appealing to greed and laziness while preaching compassion. Worse yet, it is the path to slavery. I recognize this fact all the more acutely as I read Frederick Douglass who said, "To enslave men successfully and safely it is necessary to keep their minds occupied with thoughts and aspirations short of the liberty of which they are deprived. A certain degree of attainable good must be kept before them." Obama is bribing voters with free phones, free healthcare, free lunch and now free breakfast and then turning around and setting up the wealthy as not patriotic for giving up their hard-earned wealth to pay for those who do not earn it. Where is this going to end? I know someone who stopped working to go golfing at the top 100 golf courses in the US. I know of people who are asking me to write checks to them instead of their companies. Why? To avoid taxes that are already high.
You can be good in an evil time, and that's what I need to focus on. Slavery was much worse than what is happening now, although what is happening now can degenerate into slavery very quickly. Reading Frederick Douglass' autobiographies gives me an idea of how people can deceive themselves. Slaveholders actually justified their abuse of fellow human beings by arguing that they were taking care of people who could not take care of themselves. Frederick Douglass was so happy when he earned his first money as a free man because he could do with it as he pleased. These people getting free stuff will find that there are strings attached and, once the wealth of this country is depleted, will be forced into labor. There's a lot of wealth in the country, it's true, but it is being spent quickly and foolishly. My kids are complaining now about how they have to take a fruit or vegetable and they throw it out if they don't want it. Michelle Obama's anti-obesity epidemic campaign resulted in changes to school lunches. The price of Tom's lunch just went up, so I may have the kids bring their own lunch. I don't want to be paying for food that is tossed in the garbage.
I can only do what I can do. I got Tom his absentee ballot, and I'm getting Anne hers. I can teach my children the value of hard work and not of having your hand out, although it is particularly hard to teach this to a 16 year old boy who goes to school where so many kids on reduced lunch have better than he does in clothing and phones and shoes. They don't have to pay for school lunch and we do.
What does this have to do with dieting? I am in an obese world and need to create my own values and stick with them in the midst of this world. Here I am down a pound after a week and looking forward to two S Days. The temptation is to skip the S Days to lose more weight, and that will have the immediate effect of losing more weight now but the long term effect of not sticking with the diet long term. What seems good (the self-discipline of not taking S Days) is actually bad because it will, sooner or later, trigger the starvation-prevention reaction of the body.
Three of my four kids are overweight. I do not think their being forced to take a fruit or vegetable is the right approach. Teens tend to rebel when told what to do. They do need, however, to set up an environment like The S Day Diet that allows them to want to eat less. I can only do what I can do. I can show them the way. It's taken a decade of keeping a journal to figure this out. I did not create the plan but did find it and did document my ups and downs in coming to an understanding of it.
The rest is easy. The hard work is behind me.
8 PM: I picked up Anne's bike on Tuesday because there was something wrong with it and took it to a bike shop where I was informed she needs air in her tires. Tonight, I returned it. I realized she had continued to lose weight. She's down a total of 20 pounds since June. That's quite an inspiration!
Day 9 – Saturday, September 29, 2012: 216.2 Oh, it was so terrific to see Anne and realize that her blue jeans were sliding down which meant she had lost weight. I am so happy for her! She always was a loner, with only one friend in high school. She just did not fit in. Smart, motivated, shy, geeky... Her number one criteria for selection of a school was that the other kids would be like her. Well, she's found lots of kids like her in the honors dorm.
Now I have two S Days in front of me. Because I was up past midnight, I did enjoy eating outside N Day rules. Still, S Days are just plain not like binges. S Days are a way to prevent binges. Why would my body ever rebel if, every weekend, I can have whatever I want and as much as I want of whatever I want? Having now experienced some unpleasant side effects of overeating, I'm not not waiting to get out the door, go to the store, and buy cakes, Haagen Dazs bars, etc.... My eating will get more moderate over time, although I suspect that I will occasionally really overeat to relearn that I don't want to overindulge that much. That is OK. That is the purpose of S Days.
S Days, I have concluded, are the way to overcome the principal problem of maintaining weight loss, which is uncontrolled binges. That's my theory. It may be wrong. I'm testing it out.
As for fasting, it may be a good idea for some, but it is not a good idea for me. I skimmed the book on fasting, and the woman who wrote it has had weekly one day fasts, forty day fasts, and all sorts of other fasts. She ended up on medication which requires food, so she said her days of fasting for forty days are over. She said that the fact that she has medication requiring food means it is not God's will for her to fast.
Well, I am thinking I am in the same boat. The fact that anything more than fasting between meals can lead to a binge indicates to me that this is not God's will for me except when required on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Had I grown up with fasting or lived in a time when the Catholic faith required more fasting, then I would have had to conclude it was God's will for me and would have managed. As it is now, I'm doing what is not required and it doesn't work for me. Fasting is a temptation because "by the fruits you will know" the difference between good and evil. The result of fasting is a binge. That is not good. Closed book on that idea.
Day 10 – Sunday, September 30, 2012: Tomorrow I start work, and I will no longer have time to focus on my diet. It doesn't matter, however.
In all three of Frederick Douglass' autobiographies, he describes at length how he was hired out as a laborer to a man known for his skills at "negro-breaking". He was given impossible tasks and then beaten for not doing them. This continued until August when he was beaten when so exhausted he could not stand, and he ended up with a few days away (including Sunday, when a master would not beat a slave). On Monday, the negro-breaker tried to beat him, and he fought back through resistance. The fight ended in the place where cow manure was kept. This man's description of the scene is vivid. After that, Frederick decided he would never allow himself to be whipped without resistance. He did not know the consequences of fighting this man, although typically the slave was sold to the South where conditions were reputed to be much worse. Frederick speculates that the man wanted to maintain his reputation as a "negro-breaker" and could not do so if he turned in a 16 year old boy who has resisted and fought to the point that the "negro-breaker" let him go without a whipping.
Frederick points to that day and that fight as when he was no longer a slave in spirit. It took another four years before he escaped and others recognized him as a free man, but he recognized the freedom given him by God on that day.
I think of that day in his life because I think that I am no longer a slave to weight issues. While I am still obese, it is only a matter of time before my weight drops to normal.
My plan is to record my official weight for the month on the first Friday or Saturday of each month. Weight will still fluctuate across the week, with Monday or Tuesday as the highest weight of the week. That's why I want to be consistent in when I record the weight.
Last edited by Kathleen on Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:41 pm, edited 29 times in total.
Hi Kathleen, I'm sorry to hear you had a hard time on friday. But maybe you needed one more reminder that following no s is enogh for you right now.
Given your issues with overeating at the weekends how about buying
yourself only 1 or 2 single portion trears ahead of time? (for each S day) and giving yourself the promise that if you want anything else on an S-day you can go out and buy it. It seems many people will eat up anything they buy- and if they don't buy it they CAN'T eat it. This would seem a much better step towards moderation in my opinion.
Have a great weekend either way
Nosnos
Given your issues with overeating at the weekends how about buying
yourself only 1 or 2 single portion trears ahead of time? (for each S day) and giving yourself the promise that if you want anything else on an S-day you can go out and buy it. It seems many people will eat up anything they buy- and if they don't buy it they CAN'T eat it. This would seem a much better step towards moderation in my opinion.
Have a great weekend either way
Nosnos
nosnos,
Last night was a scary reminder of how it feels to be in a completely out of control binge. The weekends aren't that bad. I think I should just stick with No S because limiting eating on the weekend could result in binges during the week. Tom and Tommy went on a Boy Scout campout, so I was home with the girls. I locked myself in my room and my 13 year old figured out why when she saw the plate with chocolate on it. I get very upset with them if they eat in their rooms. I think I need to stick with vanilla No S. My S Day eating is better than it was four years ago. Patience... It's a difficult virtue for me.
Kathleen
Last night was a scary reminder of how it feels to be in a completely out of control binge. The weekends aren't that bad. I think I should just stick with No S because limiting eating on the weekend could result in binges during the week. Tom and Tommy went on a Boy Scout campout, so I was home with the girls. I locked myself in my room and my 13 year old figured out why when she saw the plate with chocolate on it. I get very upset with them if they eat in their rooms. I think I need to stick with vanilla No S. My S Day eating is better than it was four years ago. Patience... It's a difficult virtue for me.
Kathleen
Kathleen I have similar troubles - when treats are in the house I am always tempted to eat them! I try not to keep anything sweet in the house (at least not my 'go to' sweet fixes like chocolate or cake) during the week, and buy small or single portions on the weekend. That way I have less temptation when Monday comes around! Of course it must be much harder when you have kids who also want treats in the house! I make my OH buy his own treats and he wolfs them all down within seconds anyway 
I also take S 'events'. Rather than take an entire NWS day when I have something planned, when there is something special coming up (my family often celebrates birthdays or special days with a multi-course meal in a nice restaurant, or at home) I will allow myself to eat as I like for that meal but not to eat like an S day the rest of the time. Limits the damage somewhat I hope!
Keep on trying with that patience Kathleen
I also take S 'events'. Rather than take an entire NWS day when I have something planned, when there is something special coming up (my family often celebrates birthdays or special days with a multi-course meal in a nice restaurant, or at home) I will allow myself to eat as I like for that meal but not to eat like an S day the rest of the time. Limits the damage somewhat I hope!
Keep on trying with that patience Kathleen
milleum,
Thank you. I think I've now figured out why fasting is a bad idea for me. My dis are growing up, and I've spent way too much time on my eating habits. The No S Diet calms me down and allows me to focus on my life. Maybe I'll have to learn this lesson about fasting again and again, but right now I'm back to No S.
Kathleen
Thank you. I think I've now figured out why fasting is a bad idea for me. My dis are growing up, and I've spent way too much time on my eating habits. The No S Diet calms me down and allows me to focus on my life. Maybe I'll have to learn this lesson about fasting again and again, but right now I'm back to No S.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
Well done for your recent changes. I think being able to accept a fail, rather than re-naming the diet, is a massive achivement Everybody fails and losing the ideals of perfectionism can really help you longterm on your journey. Good for you.
I also think it's great news that you are thinking about taking care of yourself better. You seem like an incredible woman in all that you do for other people- you deserve to look after yourself too
I noticed on your new calander you start at 217lbs- don't forget when you actually re-committed to no s you were 222lbs. If you keep changing the start date you won't see how far you have come!
Well done you nosnos
Well done for your recent changes. I think being able to accept a fail, rather than re-naming the diet, is a massive achivement
Everybody fails and losing the ideals of perfectionism can really help you longterm on your journey. Good for you. I also think it's great news that you are thinking about taking care of yourself better. You seem like an incredible woman in all that you do for other people- you deserve to look after yourself too
I noticed on your new calander you start at 217lbs- don't forget when you actually re-committed to no s you were 222lbs. If you keep changing the start date you won't see how far you have come!
Well done you
nosnosHi nosnos,
Thanks for the boost! I am thinking less about food and more about life. That's the big benefit of this diet. As for changing the start date, I did so because I changed the diet, turning weekday S Days into either S Events (appropriate for social reasons only) or Failures. The idea of an Exception Day which I can take when I want is gone, something BrightAngel advised last November I believe. "Some things are best learned the hard way" I sometimes say. My little darling was asked last night how much milk she drinks, and I've hounded her about this for years. Two broken arms may have convinced her of the need for Vitamin D. Four years of this diet with a two pound weight gain may have convinced me to drop the Exception Day idea.
Kathleen
Thanks for the boost! I am thinking less about food and more about life. That's the big benefit of this diet. As for changing the start date, I did so because I changed the diet, turning weekday S Days into either S Events (appropriate for social reasons only) or Failures. The idea of an Exception Day which I can take when I want is gone, something BrightAngel advised last November I believe. "Some things are best learned the hard way" I sometimes say. My little darling was asked last night how much milk she drinks, and I've hounded her about this for years. Two broken arms may have convinced her of the need for Vitamin D. Four years of this diet with a two pound weight gain may have convinced me to drop the Exception Day idea.
Kathleen
Hi reneew,
I came to realize that there were two very different reasons for S Days. Weekend S Days are like opening a can of pop slowly to let out the pressure before it explodes. You need those days to keep you on the diet during the week. Weekday S Days are more for social events or other unexpected needs for food. I remember once finding that I had terribly bad breath and so I had one Tic Tac which led to an S Day being taken which led to a binge. Why? Why not just have the Tic Tac and call it an S Event? If I don't have any reason to break the diet, well, then that is a Failure. I think I'm going to record the food eaten during a failure as a way to deter me from eating too much.
Kathleen
I came to realize that there were two very different reasons for S Days. Weekend S Days are like opening a can of pop slowly to let out the pressure before it explodes. You need those days to keep you on the diet during the week. Weekday S Days are more for social events or other unexpected needs for food. I remember once finding that I had terribly bad breath and so I had one Tic Tac which led to an S Day being taken which led to a binge. Why? Why not just have the Tic Tac and call it an S Event? If I don't have any reason to break the diet, well, then that is a Failure. I think I'm going to record the food eaten during a failure as a way to deter me from eating too much.
Kathleen
"slowly" is the key. My pop can seems to be a shaken one that explodes all over.Kathleen wrote: Weekend S Days are like opening a can of pop slowly to let out the pressure before it explodes.
It's pitiful that a tiny tic tac has to be a fail isn't it. I then struggle with making a rule that one bite is okay... but that can lead to 20 individual bites of different things. That's the way my mind works.Kathleen wrote:I remember once finding that I had terribly bad breath and so I had one Tic Tac which led to an S Day being taken which led to a binge. Why? Why not just have the Tic Tac and call it an S Event?
ho hum. I can't even crack open those flood gates a tiny bit. 100% mentality eliminates those "just this once" thoughts.I guess this doesn't work unless you actually do it.
Please pray for me
Please pray for me
Kathleen, if you are pathetic for your eating, we all are, or have been. I used to buy a bag of Hershey's kisses plus other sweets for the weekends and start eating them at midnight on Saturday. Talk about not lasting five hours. If you've ever read my daily thread, you saw that I struggled with S days for a couple of years and beyond. But I always believed in N days and kept at it.
Please stop looking for evil or anything else in your failures. They are all logical! You have a strong habit of overeating and you are healing it with N days. Just keep going.
Also try not to see other elements as reasons No S will not work. No S can work even if other things are cattywompers. I hate my job, I have lost a fortune in real estate after living very frugally, I'm single and have been for over a decade though I've wanted to be married, I'm childless, etc. We can all finds lots of reasons to see our lives critically, but we can still eat three meals a day and have at least one less problem. OUr negative lenses are just interpretations, temporary and probably wrong anyway. Let them pass just as you let phantom and real hunger pass until it's time to eat.
Try to separate other difficulties from eating. No matter what, you are not starving or depriving by eating three meals on N days even if you have small or large upsets. (I think you've seen that.) You can separate (over time) your eating from what else happens during your days. Thus, even if something bad happens or you suddenly realize something upsetting- like the tradeoffs you've made with your husband-, it doesn't change how you need to eat. Three moderate meals.
Try not to judge yourself so much for your actions, such as not dressing well or having a great house. You absolutely deserve to look nice and live in a nice place, especially if you have the means, but you deserve your self-esteem no matter what. You have been coping as well as you can with what you know. At the same time, it is worth it to take action on your wardrobe and your house, but a step at a time. You are worthy either way. God, if you will, sees you as shining and bright from within. That is your essence and can never be altered no matter what you do. Paradoxically, when we really see that, we often get the strength to choose the difficult thing to do. It doesn't preclude using our will to push through, but it does help us be more objective when we fail. As you have seen from No S, being able to mark failures and move on without self-bashing is an advantage.
Don't forget that No S allows for two extra S days per month by previous determination. You don't have to eat all day for it to be an S day. Your Tuesday dinner is a good reason to plan for an S day, but it can be just that dinner. You''ll enjoy the dinner even more if you have had just your other moderate meals. Eventually, that's what S days are like anyway. Nowadays (33 months in), my S days have one or two snacks or desserts. I still call it an S day. (Some others got to this point quite quickly. I spent too much time berating myself for not being one of them. It never gave me the will or strength to overcome the overeating on S days. I really believe if I had gone ahead and overeaten with joy, I would have beaten the habit sooner!)
So I gently recommend that you not be in a hurry to have such ideal S days. It will only make you feel bad. I was a serious binger and had been for 38 years. I might have been able to tame my S days sooner, but I can't know now. Give yourself this year. A year of even 80% compliance on N days plus free S days will likely still have you eating a lot less. It did me.
Three meals and life in between. It's good to hear that NO S is helping you concentrate more on life in between. Less analyzing online, more action. YOU can be my role model for that.
Please stop looking for evil or anything else in your failures. They are all logical! You have a strong habit of overeating and you are healing it with N days. Just keep going.
Also try not to see other elements as reasons No S will not work. No S can work even if other things are cattywompers. I hate my job, I have lost a fortune in real estate after living very frugally, I'm single and have been for over a decade though I've wanted to be married, I'm childless, etc. We can all finds lots of reasons to see our lives critically, but we can still eat three meals a day and have at least one less problem. OUr negative lenses are just interpretations, temporary and probably wrong anyway. Let them pass just as you let phantom and real hunger pass until it's time to eat.
Try to separate other difficulties from eating. No matter what, you are not starving or depriving by eating three meals on N days even if you have small or large upsets. (I think you've seen that.) You can separate (over time) your eating from what else happens during your days. Thus, even if something bad happens or you suddenly realize something upsetting- like the tradeoffs you've made with your husband-, it doesn't change how you need to eat. Three moderate meals.
Try not to judge yourself so much for your actions, such as not dressing well or having a great house. You absolutely deserve to look nice and live in a nice place, especially if you have the means, but you deserve your self-esteem no matter what. You have been coping as well as you can with what you know. At the same time, it is worth it to take action on your wardrobe and your house, but a step at a time. You are worthy either way. God, if you will, sees you as shining and bright from within. That is your essence and can never be altered no matter what you do. Paradoxically, when we really see that, we often get the strength to choose the difficult thing to do. It doesn't preclude using our will to push through, but it does help us be more objective when we fail. As you have seen from No S, being able to mark failures and move on without self-bashing is an advantage.
Don't forget that No S allows for two extra S days per month by previous determination. You don't have to eat all day for it to be an S day. Your Tuesday dinner is a good reason to plan for an S day, but it can be just that dinner. You''ll enjoy the dinner even more if you have had just your other moderate meals. Eventually, that's what S days are like anyway. Nowadays (33 months in), my S days have one or two snacks or desserts. I still call it an S day. (Some others got to this point quite quickly. I spent too much time berating myself for not being one of them. It never gave me the will or strength to overcome the overeating on S days. I really believe if I had gone ahead and overeaten with joy, I would have beaten the habit sooner!)
So I gently recommend that you not be in a hurry to have such ideal S days. It will only make you feel bad. I was a serious binger and had been for 38 years. I might have been able to tame my S days sooner, but I can't know now. Give yourself this year. A year of even 80% compliance on N days plus free S days will likely still have you eating a lot less. It did me.
Three meals and life in between. It's good to hear that NO S is helping you concentrate more on life in between. Less analyzing online, more action. YOU can be my role model for that.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
-
Eileen7316
- Posts: 140
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:59 pm
- Location: Florida
I do know that I am among people who understand. Bluebunny just gave a description of a binge:
"This has really been my main problem ... usually once a week, sometimes twice and that lead to my weight gain, approx. 20 pounds, most of it since sept. 2010 ? For example last week I visited my buddy and of course, we were watching sports on TV, drinking beer, eating pretzel, ordering pizza late at night ...
I had good intentions to be reasonable when I got there but by the end of the evening I had had 4-5 beers, half a bag of pretzels, cashews, half of a large pizza, cake, etc. Geesh ... just one evening, eating 3,000 extra calories, (not sure how many !) "ruining" my week within a few hours. I had more calories that late evening then during the whole day, it was really 'mindless eating' too, not even because I was hungry ! "
It's not mindless eating. It's something else, but I cannot quite describe it except that it seems most similar in my life to the time when my brother held me underwater and superhuman strength seemed to come out of nowhere to propel me back to the surface. He wasn't trying to drown me. I doubt very much he remembers doing that. I doubt I would remember the experience except that it seems to me the closest to my dieting experience of any other experience I have had. What happened with the threat of drowning is my body took over to prevent death. I think a binge is actually the body's way of taking over to prevent starvation, and a diet is going to trigger that binge response unless there are days off like S Days. This is the S Day Diet for me, not the No S Diet because binge behavior is the real problem preventing me and others from maintaining weight loss. IMHO!
Kathleen
"This has really been my main problem ... usually once a week, sometimes twice and that lead to my weight gain, approx. 20 pounds, most of it since sept. 2010 ? For example last week I visited my buddy and of course, we were watching sports on TV, drinking beer, eating pretzel, ordering pizza late at night ...
I had good intentions to be reasonable when I got there but by the end of the evening I had had 4-5 beers, half a bag of pretzels, cashews, half of a large pizza, cake, etc. Geesh ... just one evening, eating 3,000 extra calories, (not sure how many !) "ruining" my week within a few hours. I had more calories that late evening then during the whole day, it was really 'mindless eating' too, not even because I was hungry ! "
It's not mindless eating. It's something else, but I cannot quite describe it except that it seems most similar in my life to the time when my brother held me underwater and superhuman strength seemed to come out of nowhere to propel me back to the surface. He wasn't trying to drown me. I doubt very much he remembers doing that. I doubt I would remember the experience except that it seems to me the closest to my dieting experience of any other experience I have had. What happened with the threat of drowning is my body took over to prevent death. I think a binge is actually the body's way of taking over to prevent starvation, and a diet is going to trigger that binge response unless there are days off like S Days. This is the S Day Diet for me, not the No S Diet because binge behavior is the real problem preventing me and others from maintaining weight loss. IMHO!
Kathleen
Kathleen, you are doing it again. You are looking for a reason No S cannot work. With all due respect to Bluebunny, you look to the person who offers an experience of present difficulty rather than those who have felt similarly and have gone past it (at least for now). Then you attach it to a previous experience that is not analogous at all. Now you insist on believing that bingeing is a way of saving yourself from the "drowning" of moderate eating. What your cousin did was mean and you WERE experiencing a real deficit that could have killed you in the next few minutes if he had been intent on it or just too stupid. Eating three moderate meals a day is NEVER going to kill you no matter who long you do it, even if your body is "convinced" at moments that it will. Hanging on to the belief that bingeing is protecting you is going to make it easier for you to justify doing it and is going to destroy whatever peace you may experience with No S. And that's all it is: a belief. An interpretation of events that cannot be proved.
Even if binges act as a primitive safety valve, it is reacting to an old mechanism that saved humans from REAL deprivation. Three meals a day is not real deprivation. It is more than enough food to provide life for decades. So help your body realize that it is going to be fed adequately forever. Your body's urges to binge is a reaction is more like a nightmare than the drowning. It is having a nightmare of starvation. It is not true.
I pray that you give up this belief now and start accepting the one I offered. You have created an extremely strong habit of bingeing and/or overeating. Some habits are much stronger than others and take more practice to change. If nothing else, cling to the delight and calm of N days NO MATTER WHAT for the next year. Or better yet, the length of time you've dabbled in it. Because what are your options? You know dieting is misery for you, and you know the way you have been living the last few years is misery, and eating with abandon is misery. I know when I embraced No S, it was because I believed (and yes, there was no proof, but I believed it) that this was my best option. I didn't even care if I lost weight. I just knew I had to find a way to be more comfortable with my eating. And I did, and it continues to change and improve. But I went through months of difficulty, and have moments now. Maybe my belief was wrong but I'm not sorry I had it.
Try to sweep the thoughts and concerns with S days aside! Reinhard said in the book that he didn't know of people who quit because of them, but since the book was published, I've seen it happen here on the boards a lot, and it is a shame. Unless you really believe there is another way, cling to this life preserver AS IF it really was saving you even more than binges will.
And now, I will fast from comment until next month.
Even if binges act as a primitive safety valve, it is reacting to an old mechanism that saved humans from REAL deprivation. Three meals a day is not real deprivation. It is more than enough food to provide life for decades. So help your body realize that it is going to be fed adequately forever. Your body's urges to binge is a reaction is more like a nightmare than the drowning. It is having a nightmare of starvation. It is not true.
I pray that you give up this belief now and start accepting the one I offered. You have created an extremely strong habit of bingeing and/or overeating. Some habits are much stronger than others and take more practice to change. If nothing else, cling to the delight and calm of N days NO MATTER WHAT for the next year. Or better yet, the length of time you've dabbled in it. Because what are your options? You know dieting is misery for you, and you know the way you have been living the last few years is misery, and eating with abandon is misery. I know when I embraced No S, it was because I believed (and yes, there was no proof, but I believed it) that this was my best option. I didn't even care if I lost weight. I just knew I had to find a way to be more comfortable with my eating. And I did, and it continues to change and improve. But I went through months of difficulty, and have moments now. Maybe my belief was wrong but I'm not sorry I had it.
Try to sweep the thoughts and concerns with S days aside! Reinhard said in the book that he didn't know of people who quit because of them, but since the book was published, I've seen it happen here on the boards a lot, and it is a shame. Unless you really believe there is another way, cling to this life preserver AS IF it really was saving you even more than binges will.
And now, I will fast from comment until next month.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
-
BrightAngel
- Posts: 2093
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:22 pm
- Location: Central California
- Contact:
Kathleen,oolala53 wrote:Please stop looking for evil or anything else in your failures.
They are all logical!
You have a strong habit of overeating and you are healing it with N days.
Just keep going. Three meals and life in between.
Oolala has given you great advice in her excellent post.
I second it.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
Oh my, I'm not sure what I wrote. I'm overwhelmed. Now Katie had to go to the doctor for an infection, and the handyman found mold so he is tearing out some sheetrock and putting in new insulation. The rest of the basement cannot be painted until tomorrow because he's still fixing what Tom started four years ago -- filling in a window. I am rushing off to the only program from the Family Weekend that interests me for Anne. Tom is coming home tonight, and I wanted to surprise him with work that was finished. Instead, mold... This may be the explanation, of course, for my problems with my nose, so I am happy that it is out of the house.
I am not giving up S Days. In fact, I think S Days are the key to this diet. The only thing I have changed is deciding that weekdays not in compliance with No S rules will be categorized either as S Events or as Fails.
I doubt I'll be on this forum much from now on because I want to focus on work and keep the house up. It doesn't matter, however. The diet is chosen. All I need do is follow it!
Kathleen
I am not giving up S Days. In fact, I think S Days are the key to this diet. The only thing I have changed is deciding that weekdays not in compliance with No S rules will be categorized either as S Events or as Fails.
I doubt I'll be on this forum much from now on because I want to focus on work and keep the house up. It doesn't matter, however. The diet is chosen. All I need do is follow it!
Kathleen
oolala53,
I just got home from picking up my son from a party, so now the house is quiet and I have a chance to read your post more thoughtfully and respond.
Allowing unrestricted eating on S Days is not the same as giving in the binges. It is true that I have eaten a lot on S Days, but that is not the same as the completely out of control binge I had last Friday night. First of all, it was completely unexpected. I went to the store to buy treats for the weekend and instead came home and hid in the bedroom wolfing down food. Katie actually found the plate with chocolate on it and then laughed when she saw chocolate on my face. I was mortified.
On S Days, the eating is totally out in the open and I feel no shame about it. I am finding that there is a limit to how much I can eat and enjoy. With a binge, there is no finding out anything about enjoyment. It's a reaction that seems every bit as unthinking and uncontrolled as pushing to the surface of water when pushed down. Bluebunny gave a description that seemed in line with my experience of binge eating. I believe that binge behavior comes from not having the pressure release of an S Day. It's interesting to me that my Catholic faith used to have Sundays as days of unrestricted eating. They were considered feast days not as big as Holy Days like Christmas but still special times of no work and feasting.
S Days, I believe, eventually eliminate binge behavior. You may eat more on an S Day but nothing like the wolfing down of food from a binge.
Kathleen
I just got home from picking up my son from a party, so now the house is quiet and I have a chance to read your post more thoughtfully and respond.
Allowing unrestricted eating on S Days is not the same as giving in the binges. It is true that I have eaten a lot on S Days, but that is not the same as the completely out of control binge I had last Friday night. First of all, it was completely unexpected. I went to the store to buy treats for the weekend and instead came home and hid in the bedroom wolfing down food. Katie actually found the plate with chocolate on it and then laughed when she saw chocolate on my face. I was mortified.
On S Days, the eating is totally out in the open and I feel no shame about it. I am finding that there is a limit to how much I can eat and enjoy. With a binge, there is no finding out anything about enjoyment. It's a reaction that seems every bit as unthinking and uncontrolled as pushing to the surface of water when pushed down. Bluebunny gave a description that seemed in line with my experience of binge eating. I believe that binge behavior comes from not having the pressure release of an S Day. It's interesting to me that my Catholic faith used to have Sundays as days of unrestricted eating. They were considered feast days not as big as Holy Days like Christmas but still special times of no work and feasting.
S Days, I believe, eventually eliminate binge behavior. You may eat more on an S Day but nothing like the wolfing down of food from a binge.
Kathleen
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Strawberry Roan
- Posts: 1208
- Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:51 pm
Berry,
I've tried that. I shudder to think of the results....always belly-gazing. My weight went up, too. My goal is to think less about eating and food. That approach resulted in my thinking more about weight and food.
My dear Anne earlier this summer said that she decided on the No S Diet because she didn't want to spend a lot of time thinking about eating. Exactly. That's the big benefit of this approach....it just clicks into place, and you stop thinking about eating between meals.
I'm not going to have time to think about dieting once I start working which is why this diet is so great. No asking "Is this good for my body or not?" No asking "Am I hungry or not?" No counting calories or points.
Instead:
1. Is this a weekend day or not?
2. If weekday and not following N Day rules, is eating justified?
Easy as can be.
Kathleen
I've tried that. I shudder to think of the results....always belly-gazing. My weight went up, too. My goal is to think less about eating and food. That approach resulted in my thinking more about weight and food.
My dear Anne earlier this summer said that she decided on the No S Diet because she didn't want to spend a lot of time thinking about eating. Exactly. That's the big benefit of this approach....it just clicks into place, and you stop thinking about eating between meals.
I'm not going to have time to think about dieting once I start working which is why this diet is so great. No asking "Is this good for my body or not?" No asking "Am I hungry or not?" No counting calories or points.
Instead:
1. Is this a weekend day or not?
2. If weekday and not following N Day rules, is eating justified?
Easy as can be.
Kathleen
Last edited by Kathleen on Sat Sep 29, 2012 1:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The Blessings of Simplicity: October 21, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions (weekday S Days) should be identified before the first of the month and be justifiable.
Exercise is key.
I'm not perfect. I do my best and leave the rest to Go.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
This Month's Category of Days:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: Fail
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: Fail
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012:
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012:
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012: S Day
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012: S Day
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012:
Day 6 – Wednesday, October 10, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012:
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: S Day
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012: S Day
Day 11 – Monday, October 15, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012:
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012:
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012:
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: S Day
Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: S Day
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012:
Day 3 – Tuesday, October 23, 2012: Weekday S Day
Day 4 – Wednesday, October 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Thursday, October 25, 2012:
Day 6 – Friday, October 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Saturday, October 27, 2012: S Day
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: S Day
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012:
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012:
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012:
This Month's Weight:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012:
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012: 218.0
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012: 216.0
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012:
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012:
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012:
Day 6 – Wednesday, October 10, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012: 216.2
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012: 215.4
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: 214.6
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012:
Day 11 – Monday, October 15, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012: 215.6
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012: 215.4
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012: 214.4
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012: 214.4
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: 214.4
Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012: 215.6
Day 3 – Tuesday, October 23, 2012: 214.8
Day 4 – Wednesday, October 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Thursday, October 25, 2012: 214.6
Day 6 – Friday, October 26, 2012: 214.6
Day 7 – Saturday, October 27, 2012: 214.6
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: 215.6
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012:
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012: 215.4
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012: 215.8
Description of S Events:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: S Event I had to interrupt dinner to get Katie to flute lessons and was really irritated that she left her flute at school for the second week in a row. She took her piccolo. When I got home, I had a gogurt bar. Was this justifiable or not? I don't know. I decided to further simplify my diet and just put down any variance as an S Event.
Journal:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: I was flustered and nervous for about an hour and then started to see that this job is going to be so easy it is likely to be way beneath me in skills required. That's just fine because I will be moving my skills towards my goal of a business analyst in the Business Intelligence space and I have my hands full at home. Raising kids is what is difficult.
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012: I got home from work to see Tommy and Ellie watching TV. He had not put the meal in the oven, so we had chicken pot pies and will have to wait until tomorrow to have him put it in the oven. I checked Tom's grades and he now has a D in an AP class. I watched my parents try to motivate an unmotivated son, and it did not work. My brother married a woman who is now the sole breadwinner in that household. There is nothing I can do about it, and Tom agrees. We have to let him fail. When Tom asked Tommy "What is your problem?", he said "You guys." No point in helping. I forced him through Kumon so he has an basic knowledge of math. I had him meet with a woman for study skills but he decided he didn't need it. Well, he certainly won't benefit unless he thinks he needs it.
What does this have to do with dieting? Nothing. Taking away dieting from life is like taking a bucket of sand away from a beach. The hole fills in quickly.
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: I love this ad because the best we can do for our kids is to set a good example for them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXy2UZPncrk
My perspective is very long-term. I don't really care if I have a healthy weight. I care that my kids do, and I concluded many years ago that the best I could do for them would be to model behavior I would like them to follow.
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: NS Event Seriously stupid fail started during the presidential debates at about 8:30 PM and concluded after 10. What did I have? Two apples, two cups of Honey Nut Cheerios and two NutriGrain bars. Dumb. I think I need to distinguish between a social event and a non social event that results in breaking of N Day rules. Tonight, there was no socializing involved. I was just sneak eating while watching the debate, and I didn't even watch the first part!
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012: 218.0 Last night was a Fail. I think I need to classify it as such. Planned Social events are easy to justify because I am looking ahead. Unplanned are not. This is the heart of the problem. I woke up this morning with a bad leg cramp and now just looked on the Internet to see it is due to lack of physical exercise. Time to get some movement back into my life...
6 AM: Nosnos gave me a perspective that led to my deciding that there are two categories of S Events: Planned and Fail. I will plan at the start of the month along with planning S Days.
Also, I think this diet may not be enough. This week, I've had big meals at lunch because there is a Chinese hot meal area, and those meals have been good. They are also too much. Also, I stopped exercising when I focused on the basement. I need to get up early to exercise. The leg cramp this morning showed just how little I've been exercising. Either my health is a priority or it isn't.
7:50 AM: It may be that my body needs the certain knowledge that I will not eat at certain times so that the experience of hunger can be tuned out. The allowance for unplanned S Events is mucking things up for me. I need to dispense with them. The community days of fasting in medieval Europe is something that I think I need to replicate in my own life. I went down the rabbit trail of fasting whereas what I really needed to do was look at periods of time when I am certain I will not eat. My problem was not fasting. My problem was unplanned S Days.
8 PM: Today I realized that my binge was emotional. I had gone to Coldwater Creek to look for shells, and the woman helping me took me over to one area of the store. I wondered over to the other area and she directed me back to where I could find my size. I don't think of myself as fat even after all these years. Here I was being told that my size was this one little area of the store. I think I reacted by coming home and having all that food.
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012: 216.0 I need the perfection of no unplanned S Days. It is exhausting to always be on the alert for whether or not this event qualifies as an exception. I am able to tune out a lot of food temptations because of this diet but there is still a sense of being on the alert due to those exceptions. They need to be eliminated.
While painting last week, I went through part of a course by David Allen called Getting Things Done. He made the point that you need to write down everything that you have to do, not just most of it. If you only write down most of it, your mind is still going to be trying to figure out what is not on the list and the list will become much, much less effective. I think this is analogous to the diet. The rules need to be followed with perfection or I'll always be on the look out for those exceptions.
Of course, this idea is coming from a business analyst where ambiguity is dreaded more than anything else.
What I think in considering the idea of no unplanned S Days is "rest". My brain gets to rest from thinking about whether an unplanned S Day is justified.
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012: S Day This is my current diet theory. Some people are blessed with a sensitivity to environmental cues such that they feel hungry when they are around food. In a world in which a species adapts to the environment, this would have been a positive trait: when food was scarce, people were not hungry and when food was plentiful, people were hungry. It was only in times of extreme famine that people actually felt hunger. Now, like in the High Middle Ages, food is always plentiful. My Catholic ancestors viewed gluttony as one of the seven deadly sins and kept in in check with a community-wide practice of fasting twice per week and fasting on other days as well. We need a different approach in today's non-religious, pluralistic, free market society. We need to set up our own rules to tune out hunger.
An alternate approach would be for the government to set rules following the advice of organization's like Yale's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity. This group is run by Dr. Kelly Brownell, one of the foremost scholars on the impact of the environment on obesity. This man also happens to be morbidly obese. Just type Kelly Brownell into Google and select images.
Now I don't mine my Catholic bishops telling me what I should do, but there's a libertarian streak in me so I do mind a supermorbidly obese professor advising government to make rules we have to follow and suggesting taxes we have to pay. Dr. Brownell is behind the one cent per ounce of soda tax.
Reinhard has come up with a way for an American today to easily follow rules to tune out hunger during the work week when there is much less time for socializing. I think the idea is a great one, but it's just taken me a long, long time to realize that my personality does not allow for unplanned S Days.
This month is my birthday so I'll have an S Day on my birthday. Other than that, no S Days!
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012: I ate a lot yesterday, and last night I stank up the restroom at Kohls. Ick. This morning, I woke up with no interest in food. Being a morning person, I was awake at 5:30 or so but did not eat a thing until about 9 and only that early because I need to fast for an hour before communion. It's now about 1 PM, and I've had my share of doughnuts and cookies from doughnuts after church. I am not limiting myself at all, confident my body will do it for me. I think that there may be some sort of physical mechanism that prevents the body from having a big change in amount eaten. I am reminded that Holocaust survivors were fed steak dinners and died because their stomachs could not handle the food. In a much less dramatic way, my body cannot tolerate unlimited food on the weekend if food is limited during the week.
My school age kids are unhappy about changes in food rules at school especially for lunches. No more chicken tenders! My 13 year old brought in doughnuts on Friday and was given a list of "approved" snacks like fruit cups. Really? Fruit cups as a treat?
In the High Middle Ages, every Sunday was a Feast Day. The Church recognized the human need to celebrate and indulge. It has a lot more sense than Michelle Obama working with schools to keep doughnuts out of schools. I think this is going to backfire in a big way. Kids will get fatter because of a starvation mechanism that makes them want forbidden food even more.
I am continuing to read in Frederick Douglass' autobiography, and that man is in my judgment one of the greatest Americans who has ever lived. I have just been reading about how the South tried to impose on the North the idea that slaves were property and not men by having a Fugitive Slave Law which enabled "any two villians...to consign a free man to slavery for life" because these villains could swear that the free colored men were actually escaped slaves and "by the law the judge got ten dollars a head for all he could consign to slavery, and only five dollars apiece for any which he might adjudge free." The Fugitive Slave Law backfired in a big way because Northerners did not view either free colored men or escaped slaves as property. The law by mandating the view that colored men might be property appropriately returned to the property's owner simply fueled the fire of Northern disgust at this Southern institution.
According to Frederick Douglass, one way that the escaped slaves demonstrated that they were human and not property was by fighting back. I just finished reading how Frederick Douglass got three men on a boat to Canada after kidnappers tried to capture them and instead were killed. What did Frederick Douglass say about them? "I could not look upon them as murderers. To me, they were heroic defenders of the just rights of man against manstealers and murderers." (Quotes are from Chapter 8 of The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass.)
You cannot mandate that kids view "fruit cups" as treats. How totally stupid. How stupid that men were viewed as property. Common sense eventually prevails.
I wonder what kids will do --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IB7NDUSBOo
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012: I got up at 5:15 AM and went on the exercise bike for more than 4 but fewer than 5 minutes. It was an achievement just to do that. I've figured out where to put my exercise clothes so Tom isn't disturbed. My routine before it was interrupted for painting was to bike so that I expended -- according to the bike -- 8 calories per minute to get to 230 calories total. Today I got above 30 calories. It's a start. Trying to exercise at night did not work at all.
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012: My husband is blaming me for my son's poor grades because "he hasn't been trained". I'm not very happy about that. I did not take credit for Anne's success, and I'm not taking blame for Tommy's D in AP World History. Tom is taking Tommy to a college fair tonight. I don't see that much matters until Tommy becomes motivated to work hard. As I was driving him to school today, he told me he was not looking forward to participating in a book group tomorrow because he'll be in with all the annoying super-achiever girls. He needs the extra credit to bring up his current grade of D, but he is not looking forward to participating. I asked he what he wanted. He told me what he didn't want was to be a super-achiever. Fine. WHAT DO YOU WANT? The conversation was not negative at all. It ended because he had to get out of the van to go catch the bus. I will follow up with him. All I told him was that being able to slide by in life without working is simply not going to last.
How does this relate to dieting? Well, first and foremost, I and I alone am responsible for my weight problem. Sure I feel misled by all the diet experts out there who led me down the path of "portion control", but I still am the one who followed their advice. Second, the motivation to lose weight must be internal. No one can provide it to me. I am the one who needs to be motivated enough to get up at 5 to exercise and who arranges my schedule to take the dog for a walk before leaving for work. It's time for that dog's walk now!
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012: I did exercise this morning -- all of ten minutes! It will get easier. I now have a hook for my exercise clothing.
9 PM: I got home at 6:15 PM and Katie had not yet made dinner, so I turned around and went out to do errands and got back at 7:15. I did not feel hungry. When I filled my plate, Ellie looked at it and commented, "Maybe we should have smaller plates." I got a chuckle out of that! Lunch had been a pathetic cup of chili because I got to the lunchroom late and there wasn't much choice. By the time I had dinner, I wanted a lot!
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012: 216.2 It is probably best for me to limit weighing myself, but I was curious this morning and so I weighed myself. There is a lot of variability in weight with this diet depending on day of week. Because it's a Thursday weight and I'm only .2 pound above last Friday's weight, I should weigh lower than last Friday's weight when I weigh myself tomorrow. Do I want to be occupying myself with evaluation of this? Not really. I do have a calendar that I bought specifically for recording my weight, and I possibly could use that if I do return to weighing myself daily. This part of the program I have not yet figured out.
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012: 215.4 I am now .4 pounds above my starting weight.
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: 214.6 Now I am .4 pound below my starting weight! What is even better is the fact that right now, at 7:30 AM, I have no desire to be gorging. Tom and I went out for coffee and bagels this morning, and that was a comfortable amount to eat. There would be zero pleasure -- in fact it would be painful -- for me to eat more. I like how I feel right now.
My problem has been my being open to taking an S Day at any time. Now that I am only allowing planned S Days, I can be much more relaxed about eating. I wish I could come up with an analogy in my own life, but what comes to mind for me is how it must have felt for people in London who, after years of having to be on the alert for bombings during World War II, were able to go outside for a long walk without having to worry about the location of the nearest bomb shelter. They were free!
I feel free of having to worry about social situations in which it would be awkward if I did not eat. What I can do, simply, is say, "Look. I weighed over 200 pounds for most of 10 years. What tripped me up was eating outside of scheduled times."
9 PM: Tom is at a volunteer event, and the kids are scattered so I am home alone. I've been listening to a youtube video with Jay Carney talking about the youtube video that he was blaming on the riots in the Mideast. Sick.
Well, I need to look in the mirror. I've spent way too much time focused on things outside of my control like this upcoming election. I made sure Anne and Tom got absentee ballots, and I will vote. That's most of what I can do. Why would I waste hours and hours on the computer listening to the debates and Congressional hearings?
I need to focus on what I can do.
Those years and years and years of bouncing around diet after diet after diet created a sense of helplessness in me. Failing with willpower was more painful than focusing on something like politics. With dieting, there was an illusion of control. With politics, there is no sense of control.
There is a seismic shift going on within me now, as I realize that my sense of being in control in my life has been destroyed by my fruitless efforts to lose weight.
My rambling diet journal was my attempt to record everything in hopes that I could look back and figure out what worked or didn't. Now I feel very set, very understanding of what has happened with dieting, and very in control with my eating, very confident that my weight will continue to drop to a healthy weight.
Now my focus is turning elsewhere in my life. Why waste time on what I cannot influence or control? Politics was a distraction from the painful sense of failure in dieting. Sometime many years ago I concluded that my problem was not willpower but instead was a bad assumption that made long term success impossible. I've now skunked out that assumption: "portion control" is the key to weight loss. Oh no it's not. Meal timing is. Giving your body a predictable break from eating is the key.
It's nice and a little frightening to be taking back control in my life. I wonder what else I'll realize has been a distraction and what I'll realize I have been neglecting. The next several months could be transformative and not just in terms of pounds lost. I'm going to have a whole new outlook on life and will keep this prayer in mind:
God grant me
the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change...
Courage to change
the things I can,
and Wisdom to know
the difference.
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012: I now realize what has happened. Weight loss went from a category of "possibly cannot to change" to "definitely can change". I see the path forward.
4 PM: I got up at 7:30, exercised, and then felt bad and went to bed. I ended up throwing up the coffee I had and staying in bed until just now when I got up and had some Cheerios. Why? It could be the flu. Still, I wonder if my body rebelled against my over the top eating from yesterday.
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012: 215.6 It's only Tuesday, and I'm already this "low" of a weight. Of course, being sick on Sunday helped. That sickness was bizarre. Was is due to stress in dealing with Tommy? Was it my body's reaction to Saturday's over the top eating?
I wonder because my desire to eat less continued yesterday. I think those S Days need to be completely unrestricted so that my body can step in and say "Enough".
7:30 PM: The willpower required for me to follow this diet now is negligible. It is comparable to the willpower involved in flossing my teeth. I have to remember to buy floss when I run out, just like I have to update my monthly log. I'm not sure it makes much sense to continue writing except by way of encouragement to others.
I wish I could describe just how little I think about food these days. For lunch, I had a bowl of Minnesota wild rice soup and a roll. I ate with a guy who had that plus an entire plateful of food. Was I cutting back? Not at all. Not one tiny bit. I ate exactly what I wanted.
Later in the day, as I was slogging through doing something boring, I went down and got some orange juice which was what I wanted. I am eating what I want. What has happened, I think, is that I have tuned out hunger and only think about eating during mealtime. IT's really quite amazing.
Tom was going to go shopping, so I thought he wasn't going to eat, so we ate the dinner without him. He went to the store and brought home a Weight Watchers meal. I read the calorie count on the package and it was 260 calories. How can a grown man feel satisfied with 260 calories? It's silly. Will I tell him that? No. He's stood by as I tried all sorts of diets: the Novena Diet (over and over and over again), the Peanut Cluster Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the I Can Make You Thin Diet, .... ugh! It's painful to think about the time and expense that have been put towards the goal of losing weight.
What has occupied my thoughts today? The job, the presidential debate, the kids, Tom, Kumon, .... Eating? Weight? I've probably spent maybe 1/2 hour all day thinking about it, including writing here. It's no longer on my mind. I eat what I want. My body has been trained to not want food except at meals. Incredible!
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012: 215.4 Maybe it's my personality, but tracking weight day to day is very time consuming because I don't just want to see the weight. I also want to see patterns in weight loss. I have to think about what I want to do about tracking weight. That part of this diet is still up in the air.
7 AM: I think I'm going to try tracking my weight on a calendar and then just updating my journal once per week, probably on Sunday. The highest compliment I can give this diet (other than the obvious that I'm actually losing weight) is that I don't need to pay much attention to it. I need to let time do its job. If I stick with the diet, I will lose weight not due to willpower but due to my not wanting to eat as much. The driving desire to eat now has been blunted by the assurance that I can eat as much as I want later.
10:30 PM: I had so little desire to eat today that I started wondering if there was something wrong with me. I just was not hungry.
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012: 214.4 I got up at 6 today, which is an hour later than usual, which is at least a partial explanation for the drop in weight from yesterday. The kids are home from school, and Tom is taking the day off so I'm the only one up.
Last night, I and the girls volunteered at the church nursery while a seminar was being held. Afterwards we went into the social hall, and Katie lunged at the cookies. I did not think about it until this morning but I did not use any willpower in resisting taking those cookies.
Why? Well, I'm listening to David Allen CDs while I'm exercising (writing this is my delay tactic for exercising), and he talked about brainstorming and how you have a tendency not to think of all the options. For example, he asked, how many people see roadkill and consider it as a dinner possibility. He then said there are lots of people in the world who would.
Well, I think what has happened is that I've filtered out snacks and sweets during the week like I filter out roadkill as a dinner possibility. There is no willpower involved.
As for exercise, yes, I had to debate about whether I was going to exercise. I am now dressed and need to go.
9 PM: I went to the mall tonight to try to find a sweater that fit me, and I did not succeed. As I was wandering around the mall, refusing to go to the women's area, I thought this was just a nightmare. A nightmare. It's over. I'm losing weight rapidly. That's the not real story. The real story is I don't feel very hungry at all. I eat what I want at mealtime and don't think about food other than that. Today, I again had soup and a roll for lunch.
I've had, for years and years and years, a constant feeling that I was starving, that my stomach was a bottomless pit, and the best I could do to diminish that hunger was to eat until I was stuffed. Nothing short of stuffed would do.
All of a sudden, it's gone like a wind suddenly dying. Silence. It's weird. It's beyond description. I had something in my life for decades and suddenly it is gone.
It was hunger that could not be satisfied, constant, unending hunger.
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012: 214.4 Weighing myself daily keeps me focused on my weight and results in my being impatient. Why did I not lose weight since yesterday? I was hoping that I would lose a pound a week and here I am down only 1.6 pounds in two week. Oh no!
Don't I have anything more important to consider than this? I think this diet is best followed with minimal attention to it. It is slow. It does work. It works as my body learns to trust it will get food. All those tweaks were counter productive. Every time I changed the diet, my body was on the alert that something more drastic may be on the way -- fasting, the Novena Diet, etc. No wonder I developed binge behavior!
It's time to set this journal and the daily weighing aside and let the diet work.
I am thinking I may want to have the habit of looking at my weight and thinking about this diet once per week on Fridays. Fridays or Saturdays should be my low for the week. It would be Saturday except sometimes I'm eating at or after midnight.
I feel a certain amount of gratitude right now. Like Kelly Brownell, the hapless and obese Yale professor in charge of a center to develop social policies to address to obesity epidemic, I could have gone down rabbit trails for the rest of my life.
I'm not just grateful to Reinhard, either. Sure, he wrote the book, but I might never had known about it without my sister in law. I might never have persevered without the encouragement and advice of those here who read my journal.
And then there is God. I knew a benevolent God would not give us a part of our human nature which would result in our being tortured every day with that constant feeling of hunger. I also knew that human nature is a set thing -- that we moderns are not different from the humans that Aristotle addressed in his Ethics or the Catholic Church guided with fasting rules.
The consistent way across the centuries to deal with gluttony is to have pre-established rules regarding eating that are followed no matter what. What comes to mind are those Jews in concentration camps who honored God by fasting on Yom Kippur. What a tribute they gave to their love of God and their respect for His rules!
Our society suffers from the lack of rules surrounding eating, and that's why we're in the mess we are. A friend of mine told me the other night that car manufacturers are having trouble meeting mileage guidelines in part because the passengers in those cars have become so much heavier. I am one of those heavier people.
What to do? Create my own rules to follow and follow them with a religious intensity that is a glimmer of the religious intensity of those Jews starving to death who respected God's laws and did not eat on Yom Kippur.
What a gift I have been given!
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: 214.4 Anne told me that, as of today, she has lost 20 pounds exactly following No S. How did she describe the diet? "Sustainable." She did say she found it necessary to exercise because she stopped exercising for two weeks and did not lose any weight in that time.
6 PM: I left about 1 1/2 loaves of fresh bread on the table, and we are dogsitting a golden retriever who ate the whole thing. I hope she doesn't get sick. Her name is Angel but she is not! I think that the more I weigh myself, the less I exercise. Maybe I should just track my weight and journal once per month.
Day 1 – Sunday, October 20, 2012: 216.0 Anne is doing great. She told me two things: that exercise is critical and that she was flexible when she took an S Day that turned out to be the wrong day. The problem with inflexibility is you keep starting over at Day 1. I think now I am learning from her, and that is good. I'm going to do my best, I'm going to make mistakes, and that is good. That's human. The general idea is to create an orderliness to meal times so that, at other times, you simply tune out hunger and give your body a rest from thinking about food.
With my parents in town and my getting together with a friend, I ate out three meals in a row: Friday dinner, Saturday breakfast, and Saturday lunch. I left food on my plate at all three meals. Why? I'm starting to recognize when eating more is no longer pleasurable.
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012: 215.6 My weight went down after an S Day (yesterday). I believe that's a first.
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: 215.6 My commitment to BrightAngel to not make any changes to my diet without reading the prior six months of my journal is a significant deterrent to my making impulsive changes.
Here is what I am thinking: I don't like to be at the mercy of the scale, to not have a good idea of how much I will lose or when. With The Novena Diet, I lost five pounds and then took a month to maintain the weight loss. That worked out well. How do I make use of the knowledge that my body needs to plateau and plan accordingly?
Here is what I am thinking of doing within the context of No S: Plan on losing one pound per week for five weeks and then maintaining that loss for five weeks and then repeating. That means I would lose an average of 1/2 pound per week. When you are 215 pounds, that means it will be a year before you are 190 pounds. That is a pathetically slow rate of loss. I am not much concerned about slow. I am concerned about sustainable.
What No S gave me was control over binges. I still binge but it is under my control because I choose the time (S Days).
This add on is a way to control the rate of loss while still respecting my body's need to plateau.
I got to below 215 pounds last week so I would go below 214 this week and so on until I was below 210. Then I would maintain that loss for five weeks, making sure each week I got below 210 pounds.
How would I do it? I think it might be good to estimate calories, and 1,500 calories/day to start could bring me below 214 fairly quickly.
I need to go back to the end of March and read my journal from then to today. I sure hope I don't have to reread about I Can Make You Thin.
8 PM: I got to June in my journal and had had enough. I opened the Halloween candy and pigged out. Why? Because tomorrow would be a calorie counting day. At least I did this on an S Day.
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012: Reading through June's description of what happened when I tried calorie restriction, combined with observing my over the top eating in anticipating of restricting eating starting today, was enough to change my mind. There is a salad bar at work, and I think I'll try to get into the habit of having salad with a roll at lunchtime. Also, maybe I could focus on exercise. Yesterday, I exercised. Last week, I exercised twice. I'm still trying to combine work with exercise. That is a much healthier approach than restricting calories and becoming obsessed with the scale.
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012: 215.4 Today I register the damage from deciding on Sunday that I would start calorie counting on Monday and having a day-long binge on Sunday as a result. Done. Finis. I cannot go back in time. Last night, I went on the exercise bike. I had decided against going on at night, but I cannot seem to make it work to get up at 5 to go downstairs then. I'll have to adjust to going on it at night. My plan is to go on Sunday morning and then Monday, Wednesday, Friday night.
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012: 215.8 I caved. I realized that the only way to have control over what I weigh is to manage my eating to the scale. Today I had 1,000 calories. My goal is to get below 214.0 this week. Looking back, I realize I've been drinking a lot of calories -- lattes, even some alcohol, even some pop. I tend to have ginger ale when I don't feel great, and I've had a 20 ounce bottle of ginger ale every day this week.
8 PM: There wasn't that much of a difference in how I felt today compared with yesterday or the day before when I was limiting myself to 1,000 calories per day. Why? I think it might be that this approach is so slow that it isn't triggering diet backlash. Who knows? On Monday, I'll count 1,000 calories per day to get below 213 pounds. Looking at the weekend of S Days, I think I'll be careful how much I eat just because I don't want to be spending several days having 1,000 calories per day. I like that I'm in control of the schedule for weight loss even though it is slow.
July -- my goal is to read the July journal tonight and then I'll turn the computer over to Tom.
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions (weekday S Days) should be identified before the first of the month and be justifiable.
Exercise is key.
I'm not perfect. I do my best and leave the rest to Go.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
This Month's Category of Days:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: Fail
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: Fail
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012:
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012:
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012: S Day
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012: S Day
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012:
Day 6 – Wednesday, October 10, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012:
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012:
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: S Day
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012: S Day
Day 11 – Monday, October 15, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012:
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012:
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012:
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: S Day
Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: S Day
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012:
Day 3 – Tuesday, October 23, 2012: Weekday S Day
Day 4 – Wednesday, October 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Thursday, October 25, 2012:
Day 6 – Friday, October 26, 2012:
Day 7 – Saturday, October 27, 2012: S Day
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: S Day
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012:
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012:
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012:
This Month's Weight:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012:
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012:
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012: 218.0
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012: 216.0
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012:
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012:
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012:
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012:
Day 6 – Wednesday, October 10, 2012:
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012: 216.2
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012: 215.4
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: 214.6
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012:
Day 11 – Monday, October 15, 2012:
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012: 215.6
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012: 215.4
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012: 214.4
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012: 214.4
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: 214.4
Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012: 215.6
Day 3 – Tuesday, October 23, 2012: 214.8
Day 4 – Wednesday, October 24, 2012:
Day 5 – Thursday, October 25, 2012: 214.6
Day 6 – Friday, October 26, 2012: 214.6
Day 7 – Saturday, October 27, 2012: 214.6
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: 215.6
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012:
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012: 215.4
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012: 215.8
Description of S Events:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: S Event I had to interrupt dinner to get Katie to flute lessons and was really irritated that she left her flute at school for the second week in a row. She took her piccolo. When I got home, I had a gogurt bar. Was this justifiable or not? I don't know. I decided to further simplify my diet and just put down any variance as an S Event.
Journal:
Day 11 – Monday, October 1, 2012: I was flustered and nervous for about an hour and then started to see that this job is going to be so easy it is likely to be way beneath me in skills required. That's just fine because I will be moving my skills towards my goal of a business analyst in the Business Intelligence space and I have my hands full at home. Raising kids is what is difficult.
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 2, 2012: I got home from work to see Tommy and Ellie watching TV. He had not put the meal in the oven, so we had chicken pot pies and will have to wait until tomorrow to have him put it in the oven. I checked Tom's grades and he now has a D in an AP class. I watched my parents try to motivate an unmotivated son, and it did not work. My brother married a woman who is now the sole breadwinner in that household. There is nothing I can do about it, and Tom agrees. We have to let him fail. When Tom asked Tommy "What is your problem?", he said "You guys." No point in helping. I forced him through Kumon so he has an basic knowledge of math. I had him meet with a woman for study skills but he decided he didn't need it. Well, he certainly won't benefit unless he thinks he needs it.
What does this have to do with dieting? Nothing. Taking away dieting from life is like taking a bucket of sand away from a beach. The hole fills in quickly.
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: I love this ad because the best we can do for our kids is to set a good example for them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXy2UZPncrk
My perspective is very long-term. I don't really care if I have a healthy weight. I care that my kids do, and I concluded many years ago that the best I could do for them would be to model behavior I would like them to follow.
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 3, 2012: NS Event Seriously stupid fail started during the presidential debates at about 8:30 PM and concluded after 10. What did I have? Two apples, two cups of Honey Nut Cheerios and two NutriGrain bars. Dumb. I think I need to distinguish between a social event and a non social event that results in breaking of N Day rules. Tonight, there was no socializing involved. I was just sneak eating while watching the debate, and I didn't even watch the first part!
Day 14 – Thursday, October 4, 2012: 218.0 Last night was a Fail. I think I need to classify it as such. Planned Social events are easy to justify because I am looking ahead. Unplanned are not. This is the heart of the problem. I woke up this morning with a bad leg cramp and now just looked on the Internet to see it is due to lack of physical exercise. Time to get some movement back into my life...
6 AM: Nosnos gave me a perspective that led to my deciding that there are two categories of S Events: Planned and Fail. I will plan at the start of the month along with planning S Days.
Also, I think this diet may not be enough. This week, I've had big meals at lunch because there is a Chinese hot meal area, and those meals have been good. They are also too much. Also, I stopped exercising when I focused on the basement. I need to get up early to exercise. The leg cramp this morning showed just how little I've been exercising. Either my health is a priority or it isn't.
7:50 AM: It may be that my body needs the certain knowledge that I will not eat at certain times so that the experience of hunger can be tuned out. The allowance for unplanned S Events is mucking things up for me. I need to dispense with them. The community days of fasting in medieval Europe is something that I think I need to replicate in my own life. I went down the rabbit trail of fasting whereas what I really needed to do was look at periods of time when I am certain I will not eat. My problem was not fasting. My problem was unplanned S Days.
8 PM: Today I realized that my binge was emotional. I had gone to Coldwater Creek to look for shells, and the woman helping me took me over to one area of the store. I wondered over to the other area and she directed me back to where I could find my size. I don't think of myself as fat even after all these years. Here I was being told that my size was this one little area of the store. I think I reacted by coming home and having all that food.
Day 1 – Friday, October 5, 2012: 216.0 I need the perfection of no unplanned S Days. It is exhausting to always be on the alert for whether or not this event qualifies as an exception. I am able to tune out a lot of food temptations because of this diet but there is still a sense of being on the alert due to those exceptions. They need to be eliminated.
While painting last week, I went through part of a course by David Allen called Getting Things Done. He made the point that you need to write down everything that you have to do, not just most of it. If you only write down most of it, your mind is still going to be trying to figure out what is not on the list and the list will become much, much less effective. I think this is analogous to the diet. The rules need to be followed with perfection or I'll always be on the look out for those exceptions.
Of course, this idea is coming from a business analyst where ambiguity is dreaded more than anything else.
What I think in considering the idea of no unplanned S Days is "rest". My brain gets to rest from thinking about whether an unplanned S Day is justified.
Day 2 – Saturday, October 6, 2012: S Day This is my current diet theory. Some people are blessed with a sensitivity to environmental cues such that they feel hungry when they are around food. In a world in which a species adapts to the environment, this would have been a positive trait: when food was scarce, people were not hungry and when food was plentiful, people were hungry. It was only in times of extreme famine that people actually felt hunger. Now, like in the High Middle Ages, food is always plentiful. My Catholic ancestors viewed gluttony as one of the seven deadly sins and kept in in check with a community-wide practice of fasting twice per week and fasting on other days as well. We need a different approach in today's non-religious, pluralistic, free market society. We need to set up our own rules to tune out hunger.
An alternate approach would be for the government to set rules following the advice of organization's like Yale's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity. This group is run by Dr. Kelly Brownell, one of the foremost scholars on the impact of the environment on obesity. This man also happens to be morbidly obese. Just type Kelly Brownell into Google and select images.
Now I don't mine my Catholic bishops telling me what I should do, but there's a libertarian streak in me so I do mind a supermorbidly obese professor advising government to make rules we have to follow and suggesting taxes we have to pay. Dr. Brownell is behind the one cent per ounce of soda tax.
Reinhard has come up with a way for an American today to easily follow rules to tune out hunger during the work week when there is much less time for socializing. I think the idea is a great one, but it's just taken me a long, long time to realize that my personality does not allow for unplanned S Days.
This month is my birthday so I'll have an S Day on my birthday. Other than that, no S Days!
Day 3 – Sunday, October 7, 2012: I ate a lot yesterday, and last night I stank up the restroom at Kohls. Ick. This morning, I woke up with no interest in food. Being a morning person, I was awake at 5:30 or so but did not eat a thing until about 9 and only that early because I need to fast for an hour before communion. It's now about 1 PM, and I've had my share of doughnuts and cookies from doughnuts after church. I am not limiting myself at all, confident my body will do it for me. I think that there may be some sort of physical mechanism that prevents the body from having a big change in amount eaten. I am reminded that Holocaust survivors were fed steak dinners and died because their stomachs could not handle the food. In a much less dramatic way, my body cannot tolerate unlimited food on the weekend if food is limited during the week.
My school age kids are unhappy about changes in food rules at school especially for lunches. No more chicken tenders! My 13 year old brought in doughnuts on Friday and was given a list of "approved" snacks like fruit cups. Really? Fruit cups as a treat?
In the High Middle Ages, every Sunday was a Feast Day. The Church recognized the human need to celebrate and indulge. It has a lot more sense than Michelle Obama working with schools to keep doughnuts out of schools. I think this is going to backfire in a big way. Kids will get fatter because of a starvation mechanism that makes them want forbidden food even more.
I am continuing to read in Frederick Douglass' autobiography, and that man is in my judgment one of the greatest Americans who has ever lived. I have just been reading about how the South tried to impose on the North the idea that slaves were property and not men by having a Fugitive Slave Law which enabled "any two villians...to consign a free man to slavery for life" because these villains could swear that the free colored men were actually escaped slaves and "by the law the judge got ten dollars a head for all he could consign to slavery, and only five dollars apiece for any which he might adjudge free." The Fugitive Slave Law backfired in a big way because Northerners did not view either free colored men or escaped slaves as property. The law by mandating the view that colored men might be property appropriately returned to the property's owner simply fueled the fire of Northern disgust at this Southern institution.
According to Frederick Douglass, one way that the escaped slaves demonstrated that they were human and not property was by fighting back. I just finished reading how Frederick Douglass got three men on a boat to Canada after kidnappers tried to capture them and instead were killed. What did Frederick Douglass say about them? "I could not look upon them as murderers. To me, they were heroic defenders of the just rights of man against manstealers and murderers." (Quotes are from Chapter 8 of The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass.)
You cannot mandate that kids view "fruit cups" as treats. How totally stupid. How stupid that men were viewed as property. Common sense eventually prevails.
I wonder what kids will do --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IB7NDUSBOo
Day 4 – Monday, October 8, 2012: I got up at 5:15 AM and went on the exercise bike for more than 4 but fewer than 5 minutes. It was an achievement just to do that. I've figured out where to put my exercise clothes so Tom isn't disturbed. My routine before it was interrupted for painting was to bike so that I expended -- according to the bike -- 8 calories per minute to get to 230 calories total. Today I got above 30 calories. It's a start. Trying to exercise at night did not work at all.
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012: My husband is blaming me for my son's poor grades because "he hasn't been trained". I'm not very happy about that. I did not take credit for Anne's success, and I'm not taking blame for Tommy's D in AP World History. Tom is taking Tommy to a college fair tonight. I don't see that much matters until Tommy becomes motivated to work hard. As I was driving him to school today, he told me he was not looking forward to participating in a book group tomorrow because he'll be in with all the annoying super-achiever girls. He needs the extra credit to bring up his current grade of D, but he is not looking forward to participating. I asked he what he wanted. He told me what he didn't want was to be a super-achiever. Fine. WHAT DO YOU WANT? The conversation was not negative at all. It ended because he had to get out of the van to go catch the bus. I will follow up with him. All I told him was that being able to slide by in life without working is simply not going to last.
How does this relate to dieting? Well, first and foremost, I and I alone am responsible for my weight problem. Sure I feel misled by all the diet experts out there who led me down the path of "portion control", but I still am the one who followed their advice. Second, the motivation to lose weight must be internal. No one can provide it to me. I am the one who needs to be motivated enough to get up at 5 to exercise and who arranges my schedule to take the dog for a walk before leaving for work. It's time for that dog's walk now!
Day 5 – Tuesday, October 9, 2012: I did exercise this morning -- all of ten minutes! It will get easier. I now have a hook for my exercise clothing.
9 PM: I got home at 6:15 PM and Katie had not yet made dinner, so I turned around and went out to do errands and got back at 7:15. I did not feel hungry. When I filled my plate, Ellie looked at it and commented, "Maybe we should have smaller plates." I got a chuckle out of that! Lunch had been a pathetic cup of chili because I got to the lunchroom late and there wasn't much choice. By the time I had dinner, I wanted a lot!
Day 7 – Thursday, October 11, 2012: 216.2 It is probably best for me to limit weighing myself, but I was curious this morning and so I weighed myself. There is a lot of variability in weight with this diet depending on day of week. Because it's a Thursday weight and I'm only .2 pound above last Friday's weight, I should weigh lower than last Friday's weight when I weigh myself tomorrow. Do I want to be occupying myself with evaluation of this? Not really. I do have a calendar that I bought specifically for recording my weight, and I possibly could use that if I do return to weighing myself daily. This part of the program I have not yet figured out.
Day 8 – Friday, October 12, 2012: 215.4 I am now .4 pounds above my starting weight.
Day 9 – Saturday, October 13, 2012: 214.6 Now I am .4 pound below my starting weight! What is even better is the fact that right now, at 7:30 AM, I have no desire to be gorging. Tom and I went out for coffee and bagels this morning, and that was a comfortable amount to eat. There would be zero pleasure -- in fact it would be painful -- for me to eat more. I like how I feel right now.
My problem has been my being open to taking an S Day at any time. Now that I am only allowing planned S Days, I can be much more relaxed about eating. I wish I could come up with an analogy in my own life, but what comes to mind for me is how it must have felt for people in London who, after years of having to be on the alert for bombings during World War II, were able to go outside for a long walk without having to worry about the location of the nearest bomb shelter. They were free!
I feel free of having to worry about social situations in which it would be awkward if I did not eat. What I can do, simply, is say, "Look. I weighed over 200 pounds for most of 10 years. What tripped me up was eating outside of scheduled times."
9 PM: Tom is at a volunteer event, and the kids are scattered so I am home alone. I've been listening to a youtube video with Jay Carney talking about the youtube video that he was blaming on the riots in the Mideast. Sick.
Well, I need to look in the mirror. I've spent way too much time focused on things outside of my control like this upcoming election. I made sure Anne and Tom got absentee ballots, and I will vote. That's most of what I can do. Why would I waste hours and hours on the computer listening to the debates and Congressional hearings?
I need to focus on what I can do.
Those years and years and years of bouncing around diet after diet after diet created a sense of helplessness in me. Failing with willpower was more painful than focusing on something like politics. With dieting, there was an illusion of control. With politics, there is no sense of control.
There is a seismic shift going on within me now, as I realize that my sense of being in control in my life has been destroyed by my fruitless efforts to lose weight.
My rambling diet journal was my attempt to record everything in hopes that I could look back and figure out what worked or didn't. Now I feel very set, very understanding of what has happened with dieting, and very in control with my eating, very confident that my weight will continue to drop to a healthy weight.
Now my focus is turning elsewhere in my life. Why waste time on what I cannot influence or control? Politics was a distraction from the painful sense of failure in dieting. Sometime many years ago I concluded that my problem was not willpower but instead was a bad assumption that made long term success impossible. I've now skunked out that assumption: "portion control" is the key to weight loss. Oh no it's not. Meal timing is. Giving your body a predictable break from eating is the key.
It's nice and a little frightening to be taking back control in my life. I wonder what else I'll realize has been a distraction and what I'll realize I have been neglecting. The next several months could be transformative and not just in terms of pounds lost. I'm going to have a whole new outlook on life and will keep this prayer in mind:
God grant me
the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change...
Courage to change
the things I can,
and Wisdom to know
the difference.
Day 10 – Sunday, October 14, 2012: I now realize what has happened. Weight loss went from a category of "possibly cannot to change" to "definitely can change". I see the path forward.
4 PM: I got up at 7:30, exercised, and then felt bad and went to bed. I ended up throwing up the coffee I had and staying in bed until just now when I got up and had some Cheerios. Why? It could be the flu. Still, I wonder if my body rebelled against my over the top eating from yesterday.
Day 12 – Tuesday, October 16, 2012: 215.6 It's only Tuesday, and I'm already this "low" of a weight. Of course, being sick on Sunday helped. That sickness was bizarre. Was is due to stress in dealing with Tommy? Was it my body's reaction to Saturday's over the top eating?
I wonder because my desire to eat less continued yesterday. I think those S Days need to be completely unrestricted so that my body can step in and say "Enough".
7:30 PM: The willpower required for me to follow this diet now is negligible. It is comparable to the willpower involved in flossing my teeth. I have to remember to buy floss when I run out, just like I have to update my monthly log. I'm not sure it makes much sense to continue writing except by way of encouragement to others.
I wish I could describe just how little I think about food these days. For lunch, I had a bowl of Minnesota wild rice soup and a roll. I ate with a guy who had that plus an entire plateful of food. Was I cutting back? Not at all. Not one tiny bit. I ate exactly what I wanted.
Later in the day, as I was slogging through doing something boring, I went down and got some orange juice which was what I wanted. I am eating what I want. What has happened, I think, is that I have tuned out hunger and only think about eating during mealtime. IT's really quite amazing.
Tom was going to go shopping, so I thought he wasn't going to eat, so we ate the dinner without him. He went to the store and brought home a Weight Watchers meal. I read the calorie count on the package and it was 260 calories. How can a grown man feel satisfied with 260 calories? It's silly. Will I tell him that? No. He's stood by as I tried all sorts of diets: the Novena Diet (over and over and over again), the Peanut Cluster Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the I Can Make You Thin Diet, .... ugh! It's painful to think about the time and expense that have been put towards the goal of losing weight.
What has occupied my thoughts today? The job, the presidential debate, the kids, Tom, Kumon, .... Eating? Weight? I've probably spent maybe 1/2 hour all day thinking about it, including writing here. It's no longer on my mind. I eat what I want. My body has been trained to not want food except at meals. Incredible!
Day 13 – Wednesday, October 17, 2012: 215.4 Maybe it's my personality, but tracking weight day to day is very time consuming because I don't just want to see the weight. I also want to see patterns in weight loss. I have to think about what I want to do about tracking weight. That part of this diet is still up in the air.
7 AM: I think I'm going to try tracking my weight on a calendar and then just updating my journal once per week, probably on Sunday. The highest compliment I can give this diet (other than the obvious that I'm actually losing weight) is that I don't need to pay much attention to it. I need to let time do its job. If I stick with the diet, I will lose weight not due to willpower but due to my not wanting to eat as much. The driving desire to eat now has been blunted by the assurance that I can eat as much as I want later.
10:30 PM: I had so little desire to eat today that I started wondering if there was something wrong with me. I just was not hungry.
Day 14 – Thursday, October 18, 2012: 214.4 I got up at 6 today, which is an hour later than usual, which is at least a partial explanation for the drop in weight from yesterday. The kids are home from school, and Tom is taking the day off so I'm the only one up.
Last night, I and the girls volunteered at the church nursery while a seminar was being held. Afterwards we went into the social hall, and Katie lunged at the cookies. I did not think about it until this morning but I did not use any willpower in resisting taking those cookies.
Why? Well, I'm listening to David Allen CDs while I'm exercising (writing this is my delay tactic for exercising), and he talked about brainstorming and how you have a tendency not to think of all the options. For example, he asked, how many people see roadkill and consider it as a dinner possibility. He then said there are lots of people in the world who would.
Well, I think what has happened is that I've filtered out snacks and sweets during the week like I filter out roadkill as a dinner possibility. There is no willpower involved.
As for exercise, yes, I had to debate about whether I was going to exercise. I am now dressed and need to go.
9 PM: I went to the mall tonight to try to find a sweater that fit me, and I did not succeed. As I was wandering around the mall, refusing to go to the women's area, I thought this was just a nightmare. A nightmare. It's over. I'm losing weight rapidly. That's the not real story. The real story is I don't feel very hungry at all. I eat what I want at mealtime and don't think about food other than that. Today, I again had soup and a roll for lunch.
I've had, for years and years and years, a constant feeling that I was starving, that my stomach was a bottomless pit, and the best I could do to diminish that hunger was to eat until I was stuffed. Nothing short of stuffed would do.
All of a sudden, it's gone like a wind suddenly dying. Silence. It's weird. It's beyond description. I had something in my life for decades and suddenly it is gone.
It was hunger that could not be satisfied, constant, unending hunger.
Day 15 – Friday, October 19, 2012: 214.4 Weighing myself daily keeps me focused on my weight and results in my being impatient. Why did I not lose weight since yesterday? I was hoping that I would lose a pound a week and here I am down only 1.6 pounds in two week. Oh no!
Don't I have anything more important to consider than this? I think this diet is best followed with minimal attention to it. It is slow. It does work. It works as my body learns to trust it will get food. All those tweaks were counter productive. Every time I changed the diet, my body was on the alert that something more drastic may be on the way -- fasting, the Novena Diet, etc. No wonder I developed binge behavior!
It's time to set this journal and the daily weighing aside and let the diet work.
I am thinking I may want to have the habit of looking at my weight and thinking about this diet once per week on Fridays. Fridays or Saturdays should be my low for the week. It would be Saturday except sometimes I'm eating at or after midnight.
I feel a certain amount of gratitude right now. Like Kelly Brownell, the hapless and obese Yale professor in charge of a center to develop social policies to address to obesity epidemic, I could have gone down rabbit trails for the rest of my life.
I'm not just grateful to Reinhard, either. Sure, he wrote the book, but I might never had known about it without my sister in law. I might never have persevered without the encouragement and advice of those here who read my journal.
And then there is God. I knew a benevolent God would not give us a part of our human nature which would result in our being tortured every day with that constant feeling of hunger. I also knew that human nature is a set thing -- that we moderns are not different from the humans that Aristotle addressed in his Ethics or the Catholic Church guided with fasting rules.
The consistent way across the centuries to deal with gluttony is to have pre-established rules regarding eating that are followed no matter what. What comes to mind are those Jews in concentration camps who honored God by fasting on Yom Kippur. What a tribute they gave to their love of God and their respect for His rules!
Our society suffers from the lack of rules surrounding eating, and that's why we're in the mess we are. A friend of mine told me the other night that car manufacturers are having trouble meeting mileage guidelines in part because the passengers in those cars have become so much heavier. I am one of those heavier people.
What to do? Create my own rules to follow and follow them with a religious intensity that is a glimmer of the religious intensity of those Jews starving to death who respected God's laws and did not eat on Yom Kippur.
What a gift I have been given!
Day 16 – Saturday, October 20, 2012: 214.4 Anne told me that, as of today, she has lost 20 pounds exactly following No S. How did she describe the diet? "Sustainable." She did say she found it necessary to exercise because she stopped exercising for two weeks and did not lose any weight in that time.
6 PM: I left about 1 1/2 loaves of fresh bread on the table, and we are dogsitting a golden retriever who ate the whole thing. I hope she doesn't get sick. Her name is Angel but she is not! I think that the more I weigh myself, the less I exercise. Maybe I should just track my weight and journal once per month.
Day 1 – Sunday, October 20, 2012: 216.0 Anne is doing great. She told me two things: that exercise is critical and that she was flexible when she took an S Day that turned out to be the wrong day. The problem with inflexibility is you keep starting over at Day 1. I think now I am learning from her, and that is good. I'm going to do my best, I'm going to make mistakes, and that is good. That's human. The general idea is to create an orderliness to meal times so that, at other times, you simply tune out hunger and give your body a rest from thinking about food.
With my parents in town and my getting together with a friend, I ate out three meals in a row: Friday dinner, Saturday breakfast, and Saturday lunch. I left food on my plate at all three meals. Why? I'm starting to recognize when eating more is no longer pleasurable.
Day 2 – Monday, October 22, 2012: 215.6 My weight went down after an S Day (yesterday). I believe that's a first.
Day 8 – Sunday, October 28, 2012: 215.6 My commitment to BrightAngel to not make any changes to my diet without reading the prior six months of my journal is a significant deterrent to my making impulsive changes.
Here is what I am thinking: I don't like to be at the mercy of the scale, to not have a good idea of how much I will lose or when. With The Novena Diet, I lost five pounds and then took a month to maintain the weight loss. That worked out well. How do I make use of the knowledge that my body needs to plateau and plan accordingly?
Here is what I am thinking of doing within the context of No S: Plan on losing one pound per week for five weeks and then maintaining that loss for five weeks and then repeating. That means I would lose an average of 1/2 pound per week. When you are 215 pounds, that means it will be a year before you are 190 pounds. That is a pathetically slow rate of loss. I am not much concerned about slow. I am concerned about sustainable.
What No S gave me was control over binges. I still binge but it is under my control because I choose the time (S Days).
This add on is a way to control the rate of loss while still respecting my body's need to plateau.
I got to below 215 pounds last week so I would go below 214 this week and so on until I was below 210. Then I would maintain that loss for five weeks, making sure each week I got below 210 pounds.
How would I do it? I think it might be good to estimate calories, and 1,500 calories/day to start could bring me below 214 fairly quickly.
I need to go back to the end of March and read my journal from then to today. I sure hope I don't have to reread about I Can Make You Thin.
8 PM: I got to June in my journal and had had enough. I opened the Halloween candy and pigged out. Why? Because tomorrow would be a calorie counting day. At least I did this on an S Day.
Day 9 – Monday, October 29, 2012: Reading through June's description of what happened when I tried calorie restriction, combined with observing my over the top eating in anticipating of restricting eating starting today, was enough to change my mind. There is a salad bar at work, and I think I'll try to get into the habit of having salad with a roll at lunchtime. Also, maybe I could focus on exercise. Yesterday, I exercised. Last week, I exercised twice. I'm still trying to combine work with exercise. That is a much healthier approach than restricting calories and becoming obsessed with the scale.
Day 10 – Tuesday, October 30, 2012: 215.4 Today I register the damage from deciding on Sunday that I would start calorie counting on Monday and having a day-long binge on Sunday as a result. Done. Finis. I cannot go back in time. Last night, I went on the exercise bike. I had decided against going on at night, but I cannot seem to make it work to get up at 5 to go downstairs then. I'll have to adjust to going on it at night. My plan is to go on Sunday morning and then Monday, Wednesday, Friday night.
Day 11 – Wednesday, October 31, 2012: 215.8 I caved. I realized that the only way to have control over what I weigh is to manage my eating to the scale. Today I had 1,000 calories. My goal is to get below 214.0 this week. Looking back, I realize I've been drinking a lot of calories -- lattes, even some alcohol, even some pop. I tend to have ginger ale when I don't feel great, and I've had a 20 ounce bottle of ginger ale every day this week.
8 PM: There wasn't that much of a difference in how I felt today compared with yesterday or the day before when I was limiting myself to 1,000 calories per day. Why? I think it might be that this approach is so slow that it isn't triggering diet backlash. Who knows? On Monday, I'll count 1,000 calories per day to get below 213 pounds. Looking at the weekend of S Days, I think I'll be careful how much I eat just because I don't want to be spending several days having 1,000 calories per day. I like that I'm in control of the schedule for weight loss even though it is slow.
July -- my goal is to read the July journal tonight and then I'll turn the computer over to Tom.
Last edited by Kathleen on Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:37 am, edited 64 times in total.
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Strawberry Roan
- Posts: 1208
- Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:51 pm
Well, you know I wish you well Kathleen. But considering the amount of effort you put into your plans, just automatically thinking before putting something in my mouth seems easy. If I pick up a handful of cookies, I know it isn't the best choice, If I pick up a handful of grapes, better option. It becomes automatic. I am not saying that I always make the better choice, but I always realize it.
I do know we could use your typing skills at our law firm
Best to you, my friend. I will be wishing you the very best.
I do know we could use your typing skills at our law firm
Best to you, my friend. I will be wishing you the very best.
Berry
Berry,
I appreciate the recommendation. There is no one-size-fits-all in dieting. What I've found is that it is best for me if I limit having any sort of judgment in the process of deciding what to eat. With No S, I pay attention to food three times per day during the week. That's why the diet works for me. The only judgment call I have to make is whether going outside N Day rules is applicable in a certain case.
Yesterday, for example, I was an an Open House at Anne's college, and cookies and lemonade were offered to me. Did I eat any cookies? No. There was no social pressure to eat a cookie. They were available, and so I chose not to eat them. I did have to think about it and reject the idea of eating it. As my habit becomes more entrenched, the idea of eating a cookie on an N Day will seem just plain strange. I know. I got to that point but then lost the habit with all those tweaks.
Kathleen
I appreciate the recommendation. There is no one-size-fits-all in dieting. What I've found is that it is best for me if I limit having any sort of judgment in the process of deciding what to eat. With No S, I pay attention to food three times per day during the week. That's why the diet works for me. The only judgment call I have to make is whether going outside N Day rules is applicable in a certain case.
Yesterday, for example, I was an an Open House at Anne's college, and cookies and lemonade were offered to me. Did I eat any cookies? No. There was no social pressure to eat a cookie. They were available, and so I chose not to eat them. I did have to think about it and reject the idea of eating it. As my habit becomes more entrenched, the idea of eating a cookie on an N Day will seem just plain strange. I know. I got to that point but then lost the habit with all those tweaks.
Kathleen
reneew,
Yep -- the point is to create a habit that results in eating which results in a healthy body weight. Did I eat a lot today? Yep. Does it matter? Nope. What matters is I find myself not liking how I feel after eating so much which results in my appreciating N Days which leads eventually to less calories consumed on S Days and less overall which leads to a lower weight. It takes time. I'm confident, finally confident.
My hands have paint all over them because I just finished the basement because the handyman took longer than expected filling in where there was a window. Tomorrow he'll be here pulling out sheetrock because there was mold behind it.
I now know why my nose has been running for five years. I had lots of theories, and maybe this one isn't right but I have an immediate bad reaction to mold. The mold was in the garage, not the house.
It takes an investigative attitude sometimes to figure things out, and I think that's what has happened with my weight. The so-called experts are wrong: the question that needs to be answered is WHY DO PEOPLE EAT SO MUCH? The answer is that they are eating all the time so their body learns to be hungry all the time.
Tomorrow I pivot to the work world. Ironically, on the day of my physical at the Mayo Clinic, I agreed to be part of a BioBank so that people could access my information and get information on my blood samples. Tomorrow I go to work for a large healthcare company. Maybe all this stream-of-consciousness analysis will be available to get scientists on the right track.
Frankly, I do not care. I care that my Anne is losing weight. It hurt to see her follow me into being overweight. She told me yesterday that she's looking forward to her March physical because she is going to step on the scale and be so much lower. She told me she already weighs what she listed on her driver's license!
Kathleen
Yep -- the point is to create a habit that results in eating which results in a healthy body weight. Did I eat a lot today? Yep. Does it matter? Nope. What matters is I find myself not liking how I feel after eating so much which results in my appreciating N Days which leads eventually to less calories consumed on S Days and less overall which leads to a lower weight. It takes time. I'm confident, finally confident.
My hands have paint all over them because I just finished the basement because the handyman took longer than expected filling in where there was a window. Tomorrow he'll be here pulling out sheetrock because there was mold behind it.
I now know why my nose has been running for five years. I had lots of theories, and maybe this one isn't right but I have an immediate bad reaction to mold. The mold was in the garage, not the house.
It takes an investigative attitude sometimes to figure things out, and I think that's what has happened with my weight. The so-called experts are wrong: the question that needs to be answered is WHY DO PEOPLE EAT SO MUCH? The answer is that they are eating all the time so their body learns to be hungry all the time.
Tomorrow I pivot to the work world. Ironically, on the day of my physical at the Mayo Clinic, I agreed to be part of a BioBank so that people could access my information and get information on my blood samples. Tomorrow I go to work for a large healthcare company. Maybe all this stream-of-consciousness analysis will be available to get scientists on the right track.
Frankly, I do not care. I care that my Anne is losing weight. It hurt to see her follow me into being overweight. She told me yesterday that she's looking forward to her March physical because she is going to step on the scale and be so much lower. She told me she already weighs what she listed on her driver's license!
Kathleen
Great description of the problem with "portion control" and somebody else (in this case, the government) telling you how much you should eat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IB7NDUSBOo
Here is a Young Turks (liberal) view of the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBRFDTOi0-k
The best thing they can say is "She's trying to help..."
I have three kids eating school lunches that have been affected by the government-mandated changes from Michelle Obama, and oh do they complain.... Michelle Obama won't let us have ham with our omlettes... Michelle Obama won't let us have chicken tenders....
Why is Michelle Obama having anything do to with what our kids eat at school? That's what I want to know.
I also, personally, think that "portion control" is exactly the wrong approach because it triggers binges. Why do teens rebel? They do not like to be told what to do. The body rebels, too, when restrictions are forced upon it with dieting.
Kathleen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IB7NDUSBOo
Here is a Young Turks (liberal) view of the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBRFDTOi0-k
The best thing they can say is "She's trying to help..."
I have three kids eating school lunches that have been affected by the government-mandated changes from Michelle Obama, and oh do they complain.... Michelle Obama won't let us have ham with our omlettes... Michelle Obama won't let us have chicken tenders....
Why is Michelle Obama having anything do to with what our kids eat at school? That's what I want to know.
I also, personally, think that "portion control" is exactly the wrong approach because it triggers binges. Why do teens rebel? They do not like to be told what to do. The body rebels, too, when restrictions are forced upon it with dieting.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen
Well I can understand you not being able to ask yourself if it is a good idea before everything you eat- I know for a fact that I am much better when I am very clear with myself eg Breakfast, lunch and dinner. even on s-days I try and either plan in advance or early in the day what my treats will be eg croissants for breakfast or raw chocolate cheesecake... mmm! If any other treats come my way I sometimes say yes and I sometimes say no- Just depends if I like it or not really.
That being said if someone popped a whole tub of ben and jerrys down in front of me I wouldn't eat the whole thing just because i like it.... (anymore)
Reinhard says to plan s-days/s-events ahead of time I would say I agree with this. Otherwise you could start finding reasons for treats everyday. The only time I tend to break this is for example if there is an unexpected celebration eg a friend just got engaged and wants to do dinner and drinks, or a =n old friend comes back from another country without warning. These spur of the moment s-days tend to be social and unmistakbly rare- anything else I class as a fail and move on.
Keep up the good work Kathleen- glad to see you are maintaining that loss.
nosnos
That being said if someone popped a whole tub of ben and jerrys down in front of me I wouldn't eat the whole thing just because i like it.... (anymore)
Reinhard says to plan s-days/s-events ahead of time I would say I agree with this. Otherwise you could start finding reasons for treats everyday. The only time I tend to break this is for example if there is an unexpected celebration eg a friend just got engaged and wants to do dinner and drinks, or a =n old friend comes back from another country without warning. These spur of the moment s-days tend to be social and unmistakbly rare- anything else I class as a fail and move on.
Keep up the good work Kathleen- glad to see you are maintaining that loss.
nosnosHi nosnos,
I am irritated with myself as you can imagine. My job is business analyst and what that means is that you define requirements in a way that is unambiguous. Either the person can log in to your system or he cannot. Either the password is right or it is not. I don't deal well with ambiguity and that is why these unplanned S Days are so difficult for me. Years ago, on this forum, I came up with the example of visiting someone and being offered food. It may be that I should just accept that I don't tolerate ambiguity well (a good trait for a BA) and then decide against unplanned S Days. After all, how many are they? How important are they? Is it worth being obese for the rest of my life so that I can plan for an unplanned S Day?
Kathleen
I am irritated with myself as you can imagine. My job is business analyst and what that means is that you define requirements in a way that is unambiguous. Either the person can log in to your system or he cannot. Either the password is right or it is not. I don't deal well with ambiguity and that is why these unplanned S Days are so difficult for me. Years ago, on this forum, I came up with the example of visiting someone and being offered food. It may be that I should just accept that I don't tolerate ambiguity well (a good trait for a BA) and then decide against unplanned S Days. After all, how many are they? How important are they? Is it worth being obese for the rest of my life so that I can plan for an unplanned S Day?
Kathleen
-
Eileen7316
- Posts: 140
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:59 pm
- Location: Florida
Hi Eileen,
Yes, progress has been rapid. I haven't weighed this "little" since April 22 and am almost back to my starting weight four years ago! Thanks for the encouragement. It's not just about the number of the scale. It's also about being able to have a life! The S stands for Sanity. This is the S Day Diet for me.
Kathleen
Yes, progress has been rapid. I haven't weighed this "little" since April 22 and am almost back to my starting weight four years ago! Thanks for the encouragement. It's not just about the number of the scale. It's also about being able to have a life! The S stands for Sanity. This is the S Day Diet for me.
Kathleen
nosnos,
I'm currently stuffed, having waited up until midnight to eat and then gotten up at 5:30 AM to eat. Am I upset? Not at all. When Tommy lost his Eagle Scout project paperwork three weeks before the project date, I told another parent of an Eagle Scout who said, "All part of the process." That's what I think here. It's part of the process.
Kathleen
I'm currently stuffed, having waited up until midnight to eat and then gotten up at 5:30 AM to eat. Am I upset? Not at all. When Tommy lost his Eagle Scout project paperwork three weeks before the project date, I told another parent of an Eagle Scout who said, "All part of the process." That's what I think here. It's part of the process.
Kathleen
Hi Dear Kathleen!
Just reading your latest post and log. It was a joy to read your latest post. You are doing absolutely great, and it sounds like you're really getting into the mind set now.
I've come to appreciate this past couple of months that weight loss etc really is a mind over matter issue.
Have a great Sunday and looking forward to your next post(s).
Take care!
Just reading your latest post and log. It was a joy to read your latest post. You are doing absolutely great, and it sounds like you're really getting into the mind set now.
I've come to appreciate this past couple of months that weight loss etc really is a mind over matter issue.
Have a great Sunday and looking forward to your next post(s).
Take care!
No S-er since December 2009
Streamlined S Days: 6/25/12
SW: 170 /CW: 127
Weight loss to date: 43 lbs
Streamlined S Days: 6/25/12
SW: 170 /CW: 127
Weight loss to date: 43 lbs
NoSRocks,
Thanks! What's best of all is how little I am now thinking about my eating habits. There's the new job and the boy with a D in AP World History and the presidential/vice presidential debates and the need to figure out an exercise program around my job and the reconfiguration of furniture in the basement now that everything is painted. Life is good!
Kathleen
Thanks! What's best of all is how little I am now thinking about my eating habits. There's the new job and the boy with a D in AP World History and the presidential/vice presidential debates and the need to figure out an exercise program around my job and the reconfiguration of furniture in the basement now that everything is painted. Life is good!
Kathleen
-
Strawberry Roan
- Posts: 1208
- Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:51 pm
Glad to read how upbeat and happy you are Kathleen. Hope you enjoy the new job. I work part-time as a legal secretary and love, love, love it.
Life is good indeed. I was taught that whenever one feels bad about something in their own life, stop a minute and you will realize that there are millions around the globe that are worse off.
Hope you enjoy the new job. I work part-time as a legal secretary and love, love, love it.Life is good indeed. I was taught that whenever one feels bad about something in their own life, stop a minute and you will realize that there are millions around the globe that are worse off.
Berry
It is best to have a bit of perspective. I am very upset about what is happening in the country right now, and I see that my son has picked up the virus of thinking that working is a choice because whether you work or not has little to no impact on lifestyle. What is my cure? Reading The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass. I am now up to the Civil War. If our country survived slavery, it can survive people being given incentives to not work. This will not last as slavery did not last.
It is disgusting how much I weigh. I hate to catch my reflection in the mirror. What this diet needs is simply elapsed time. It helps me not to weigh myself because I am then not so focused on the diet.
I haven't done much in my job so far, but yesterday I uncovered something big. It's a great job for me to continue building my career. Overshadowing that, however, is that my son is still not doing well in his AP World History class. Last night, I drove 50 miles round trip to pick up a book he needs for an after school reading group where he can gain extra credit. He still doesn't get that his life is his responsibility. There is a limitation to what I can do. It's sad, but he'll have to learn the hard way.
As you can see from this post, fewer and fewer of my thoughts are on weight and dieting.
Kathleen
It is disgusting how much I weigh. I hate to catch my reflection in the mirror. What this diet needs is simply elapsed time. It helps me not to weigh myself because I am then not so focused on the diet.
I haven't done much in my job so far, but yesterday I uncovered something big. It's a great job for me to continue building my career. Overshadowing that, however, is that my son is still not doing well in his AP World History class. Last night, I drove 50 miles round trip to pick up a book he needs for an after school reading group where he can gain extra credit. He still doesn't get that his life is his responsibility. There is a limitation to what I can do. It's sad, but he'll have to learn the hard way.
As you can see from this post, fewer and fewer of my thoughts are on weight and dieting.
Kathleen
Kathleen, I'm weighing in on your son because I was a teacher for an IB program, which is similar to AP. If I were you, I would not put out any more effort for him on this, besides sitting with him while he studies and on YOUR terms until he brings his grades up on the assignments that are due now. You can set limits on what privileges and rewards he gets for meeting standards I suggest B's for now) and let him know you won't bug. You leave it up to him to do the rest of what he needs to do to meet those standards or forego the rewards unless he asks for some input and help from you, but nothing that costs your time without his sacrifice as well. And certainly no money. The lighter and breezier you are when talking about it, the better. But don't let that mean you are light and breezy about expectations. But in the end, it is his choice, and it does not necessarily mean he's going to bomb everything because he's not motivated now.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
oolala53,
I do agree with you. We live two miles -- two miles! -- from the golf course, and he was having me drive him. The first time he started to caddy, he had me drive him back and forth three times in a day so he did not have to sit around the caddyshack. I'm a "softie" as Katie says. My brother this year loaned him a very expensive bike and said he needs to bike back and forth to the caddyshack.
What I am saying to him is, "You have free will." We push, and he goes as far as we push and that is it. He got a computer in his room several years ago that my brother in law gave him for free. I got it out of there when we redecorated his room this summer. Now he cannot sit in his room claiming to study when he is playing on the computer.
"Sit with him when he studies". I have to think about that. Since I am home only in the evenings, would you recommend I say that study time is from a specific time to a specific time? Should he study in the family room rather than his room? If he accesses the computer, I can say it is only for studying in the evening.
What most disappointed me was my arranging for one on one tutoring with a woman who specializes in study skills/time management, and he went once, thought it was good, but did not do what she asked and did not want to go back.
"Some lessons are best learned the hard way." That's another favorite saying of mine. I can feel sad for him, but it's his life. One reason for my working is that it takes my focus off him.
Last night, I was talking to my mother on the phone, she asked me how it was going, and I told her about some huge requirement that had been overlooked that I found. I told her that lots of people are anxious about getting the project done on time. Me? I'm very calm at work. I compare the problems of a project launch to the difficulty in raising a child and think it's easy.
Do you by any chance have any recommended reading for me as the parent of a child (tested IQ: 156) whom my brother describes as "the laziest kid I ever met"? I like John Rosmond's Teenproofing.
Kathleen
I do agree with you. We live two miles -- two miles! -- from the golf course, and he was having me drive him. The first time he started to caddy, he had me drive him back and forth three times in a day so he did not have to sit around the caddyshack. I'm a "softie" as Katie says. My brother this year loaned him a very expensive bike and said he needs to bike back and forth to the caddyshack.
What I am saying to him is, "You have free will." We push, and he goes as far as we push and that is it. He got a computer in his room several years ago that my brother in law gave him for free. I got it out of there when we redecorated his room this summer. Now he cannot sit in his room claiming to study when he is playing on the computer.
"Sit with him when he studies". I have to think about that. Since I am home only in the evenings, would you recommend I say that study time is from a specific time to a specific time? Should he study in the family room rather than his room? If he accesses the computer, I can say it is only for studying in the evening.
What most disappointed me was my arranging for one on one tutoring with a woman who specializes in study skills/time management, and he went once, thought it was good, but did not do what she asked and did not want to go back.
"Some lessons are best learned the hard way." That's another favorite saying of mine. I can feel sad for him, but it's his life. One reason for my working is that it takes my focus off him.
Last night, I was talking to my mother on the phone, she asked me how it was going, and I told her about some huge requirement that had been overlooked that I found. I told her that lots of people are anxious about getting the project done on time. Me? I'm very calm at work. I compare the problems of a project launch to the difficulty in raising a child and think it's easy.
Do you by any chance have any recommended reading for me as the parent of a child (tested IQ: 156) whom my brother describes as "the laziest kid I ever met"? I like John Rosmond's Teenproofing.
Kathleen
I don't have any books that seem especially relevant. In regard to sitting with him, yeah, I'd say give him the option of sitting together with you in a quiet family room while you read or whatever, and he studies, or you sit in his room. His choice. Tell him it's only until he actually brings the grade to a standard you can accept for now. Then you'll give him a chance to prove himself again, but if he doesn't, it's back to his way.
I wonder if he has any faith in his talents or any vision for himself. For those for whom it seems appropriate, as I can't go trying to tell all my parents I've got the secret for all their kids, I do recommend that they look into the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation for testing career aptitudes. He sounds old enough for the test to have accuracy. It's not cheap, but it's the only traditional testing instrument recommended by Richard Nelson Bolles, the king of using self analysis and communication to search for careers. I know it may sound early for this, but it could light a fire for him to see how his efforts might pay off in the future and that he really does have aptitudes that he could get excited about. Then again, the brain and life development just might not have come together yet and may not for quite awhile. There is some luck involved with that.
I'd say just make offers to him on things like this and see if there's enough curiosity for him to make some efforts on his own. But giving a young person some serious bolstering up until he's 16 seems like an okay idea to me, as long as he keeps getting warned that the supports are going to be pulled out in stages and it will be up to him. An old friend told his son he wouldn't pay a dime toward his upkeep or education after he graduated from high school unless he got accepted into a 4-year university. The boy had taken a lot of adult help in younger years, which dad withdrew in the boy's junior year. He eventually did get into a college and set the curve in several classes. He's a working man now with a wife and doing the family proud. He thanks his dad for making him work for what he got, as he felt he had an edge over kids in school who had had a lot given.
I wonder if he has any faith in his talents or any vision for himself. For those for whom it seems appropriate, as I can't go trying to tell all my parents I've got the secret for all their kids, I do recommend that they look into the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation for testing career aptitudes. He sounds old enough for the test to have accuracy. It's not cheap, but it's the only traditional testing instrument recommended by Richard Nelson Bolles, the king of using self analysis and communication to search for careers. I know it may sound early for this, but it could light a fire for him to see how his efforts might pay off in the future and that he really does have aptitudes that he could get excited about. Then again, the brain and life development just might not have come together yet and may not for quite awhile. There is some luck involved with that.
I'd say just make offers to him on things like this and see if there's enough curiosity for him to make some efforts on his own. But giving a young person some serious bolstering up until he's 16 seems like an okay idea to me, as long as he keeps getting warned that the supports are going to be pulled out in stages and it will be up to him. An old friend told his son he wouldn't pay a dime toward his upkeep or education after he graduated from high school unless he got accepted into a 4-year university. The boy had taken a lot of adult help in younger years, which dad withdrew in the boy's junior year. He eventually did get into a college and set the curve in several classes. He's a working man now with a wife and doing the family proud. He thanks his dad for making him work for what he got, as he felt he had an edge over kids in school who had had a lot given.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
oolala53,
Tom has decided to stop blaming me and work with Tommy himself. I'm working with a guy who has older kids, and he's heard ten straight workdays of my telling him about Tommy. Today he told me about himself: bored with AP classes, dropped out of college, bumped around low level jobs for a time, went back to college and took 10 years to get a degree... He more or less told me that Tommy is very bright and is just plain bored with learning information that he sees has no value for him.
I had to laugh. I seem to have forgotten that this kid is a separate human being, not an extension of me! Tom was home today. Ellie managed to break her cast, so she had to go back to the doctor. I called the school. I called the doctor. I set the appointment.
He forgot. I had to laugh! Tom and Tommy -- same personality! Maybe I need to step back and let him grow up. I bought a book on teens that I opened and the first words I saw were, "A late bloomer that is watched does not bloom."
Kathleen
Tom has decided to stop blaming me and work with Tommy himself. I'm working with a guy who has older kids, and he's heard ten straight workdays of my telling him about Tommy. Today he told me about himself: bored with AP classes, dropped out of college, bumped around low level jobs for a time, went back to college and took 10 years to get a degree... He more or less told me that Tommy is very bright and is just plain bored with learning information that he sees has no value for him.
I had to laugh. I seem to have forgotten that this kid is a separate human being, not an extension of me! Tom was home today. Ellie managed to break her cast, so she had to go back to the doctor. I called the school. I called the doctor. I set the appointment.
He forgot. I had to laugh! Tom and Tommy -- same personality! Maybe I need to step back and let him grow up. I bought a book on teens that I opened and the first words I saw were, "A late bloomer that is watched does not bloom."
Kathleen
Kathleen 215.4 is amazing- you have a habit of being overdramtic when the scale goes up and under-dramatic when it goes down!
It may be .4 lbs over your starting weight several years ago but it is a almost a WHOLE SEVEN lbs less then when you started this attempt. You had not been below 220 lbs in a while you were 222lbs and your weight was increasing- now due to your dillegence and hard work at making new habits and sticking to them you are 7 lbs less... AMAZING!
Go in to your kitchen and put 7lbs of flour in to a back pack and carry it round all day- if you don't believe it is a lot of weight!!!
You are doing soo well- keep on track and have a wonderful weekend.
X nosnos
It may be .4 lbs over your starting weight several years ago but it is a almost a WHOLE SEVEN lbs less then when you started this attempt. You had not been below 220 lbs in a while you were 222lbs and your weight was increasing- now due to your dillegence and hard work at making new habits and sticking to them you are 7 lbs less... AMAZING!
Go in to your kitchen and put 7lbs of flour in to a back pack and carry it round all day- if you don't believe it is a lot of weight!!!
You are doing soo well- keep on track and have a wonderful weekend.
X nosnos
nosnos,
Thanks for the encouragement! This diet is sloooooooooow. It's good that I'm so busy with my family and job. I can put the diet on the back burner and focus on other things, giving the diet time to work.
My little doggie is standing next to me, slowly wagging her tail. Time for a walk!
Kathleen
Thanks for the encouragement! This diet is sloooooooooow. It's good that I'm so busy with my family and job. I can put the diet on the back burner and focus on other things, giving the diet time to work.
My little doggie is standing next to me, slowly wagging her tail. Time for a walk!
Kathleen
" I seem to have forgotten that this kid is a separate human being, not an extension of me! "
This is absolutely profound and I hope you really heard it. Doesn't mean you can't determine what rewards you are willing to give for behaviors you desire, but it's up to him. Your obligation is emotional warmth, food, shelter, and a few changes of clothing. Anything beyond that is a privilege. Tell him you believe in his ability to earn them from you or someone else! And smile.
And the best part is having your husband take over. If Tommy gets better with him, so what? You can say, Why didn't you step in earlier? Too busy planning how you were going to clean up the back yard? (Don't actually say this. Just tell him you knew there was a good reason you married him, and go back to doing whatever fabulous thing you were doing now that you don't have to be in charge.)
I say keep up this delegating stuff and start planning for the delicious fun things you are going to start doing with your free time, the time between your wonderful three meals.
This is absolutely profound and I hope you really heard it. Doesn't mean you can't determine what rewards you are willing to give for behaviors you desire, but it's up to him. Your obligation is emotional warmth, food, shelter, and a few changes of clothing. Anything beyond that is a privilege. Tell him you believe in his ability to earn them from you or someone else! And smile.
And the best part is having your husband take over. If Tommy gets better with him, so what? You can say, Why didn't you step in earlier? Too busy planning how you were going to clean up the back yard? (Don't actually say this. Just tell him you knew there was a good reason you married him, and go back to doing whatever fabulous thing you were doing now that you don't have to be in charge.)
I say keep up this delegating stuff and start planning for the delicious fun things you are going to start doing with your free time, the time between your wonderful three meals.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
oolala53,
Last night, he was toggling between playing Runescape and studying for a Calculus AP test. I figured out how to block him from Runescape. It's sad. I wish he'd grow up. I am delighted that Tom is working with him instead of blaming me for his not being trained. In the end, it is up to him.
Kathleen
Last night, he was toggling between playing Runescape and studying for a Calculus AP test. I figured out how to block him from Runescape. It's sad. I wish he'd grow up. I am delighted that Tom is working with him instead of blaming me for his not being trained. In the end, it is up to him.
Kathleen
Kathleen- I love to hear your story but I'm soo glad that you feel you don't need to spend soo much time thinking about food and weight. That sounds like having a life and having sanity- Way TO GO!!!!
With regards to tracking weight I have a random suggestion- many longterm users have a start weight- current weight thingy in their signature- ( I don't personally believe in goal weight as I believe in goal behaviours!) It would be great for newbies to see that you started at 222 and you are now 215- I know I find it inspiring... and who knows it may be a great reminder to you one day if you happen to think about straying.
Might not be your thing- but I love stats and I think yours will get more and more exciting as time goes by!
Glad to hear you are doing so well- Go Team Kathleen
With regards to tracking weight I have a random suggestion- many longterm users have a start weight- current weight thingy in their signature- ( I don't personally believe in goal weight as I believe in goal behaviours!) It would be great for newbies to see that you started at 222 and you are now 215- I know I find it inspiring... and who knows it may be a great reminder to you one day if you happen to think about straying.
Might not be your thing- but I love stats and I think yours will get more and more exciting as time goes by!
Glad to hear you are doing so well- Go Team Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
Haven’t been around much lately as I also have a new job, but I wanted to say a few things.
First, good for you-things really seem to be moving in the right direction. I still find your posts inspiring.
Second, about your son: my husband and I have/are struggling with a similarly very bright but unmotivated son. If I had to do it all over again, I would change quite a bit.
First, I would table the idea of college for the present and suggest an AA at a local community college. We would encourage a 1-2 year career program (computers, health-related etc). Then if he still lacked motivation for college and the career that we dreamed he would have (and that he said he wanted but wouldn’t do the work for) he would have job skills and wouldn’t have to try to make a living on just-barely minimum wage. Most AA degrees transfer to a 4 year college, so with an AA, he could have transferred if he was motivated to do so.
The other option is the military. Our son had an amazing score on the military aptitude test and was offered any navy job of his choice. Of course the problem is self-discipline: he lacked the will to do what he needed to do to enlist (lose 25 pounds and get into shape).
If we’d done it this way, we would have saved ourselves a WHOLE lot of money and time, not to mention aggravation. No matter how much you want something for your kids, they have to do the work for it or it simply isn’t sustainable.
I would further suggest that, if you choose this way, you swallow your disappointment with your son and present these options as what is best for him at this time. Our son was quite aware of our feelings about his performance and it hurt our relationship with him, without motivating him to do better. HIS motivation is not an indictment of you as parents-some kids just have to learn the hard way, inexplicable as this is to we who love them.
Anyway, I really do understand the pressure you’re under with regard to Tommy, and I wish you peace with it.
Haven’t been around much lately as I also have a new job, but I wanted to say a few things.
First, good for you-things really seem to be moving in the right direction. I still find your posts inspiring.
Second, about your son: my husband and I have/are struggling with a similarly very bright but unmotivated son. If I had to do it all over again, I would change quite a bit.
First, I would table the idea of college for the present and suggest an AA at a local community college. We would encourage a 1-2 year career program (computers, health-related etc). Then if he still lacked motivation for college and the career that we dreamed he would have (and that he said he wanted but wouldn’t do the work for) he would have job skills and wouldn’t have to try to make a living on just-barely minimum wage. Most AA degrees transfer to a 4 year college, so with an AA, he could have transferred if he was motivated to do so.
The other option is the military. Our son had an amazing score on the military aptitude test and was offered any navy job of his choice. Of course the problem is self-discipline: he lacked the will to do what he needed to do to enlist (lose 25 pounds and get into shape).
If we’d done it this way, we would have saved ourselves a WHOLE lot of money and time, not to mention aggravation. No matter how much you want something for your kids, they have to do the work for it or it simply isn’t sustainable.
I would further suggest that, if you choose this way, you swallow your disappointment with your son and present these options as what is best for him at this time. Our son was quite aware of our feelings about his performance and it hurt our relationship with him, without motivating him to do better. HIS motivation is not an indictment of you as parents-some kids just have to learn the hard way, inexplicable as this is to we who love them.
Anyway, I really do understand the pressure you’re under with regard to Tommy, and I wish you peace with it.
Eurobabe2,
I do think I have some peace about it. We got him a teacher to help him with study skills, he went once and said he thought it was helpful, but he did not do what she asked and didn't want to go back. Forcing him through Kumon was helpful. He did learn math. Forcing him to meet with a study skills teacher would not have worked. Motivation is internal.
I've brought up a gap year in which he is out of the house earning money for a year before he goes to college. That's what I'm thinking.
An amusing aspect of this story is the fact that I am working very closely with a guy named Tom who gave me his life history and asked if it sounded like he was like Tommy. Yep! He spent 10 years in college!
The world would be boring if it only contained Annes. I have to appreciate him. It is very humbling as a parent to realize how little we have to do with our kids' personalities. They are what they choose to be.
Thanks for your story.
Kathleen
I do think I have some peace about it. We got him a teacher to help him with study skills, he went once and said he thought it was helpful, but he did not do what she asked and didn't want to go back. Forcing him through Kumon was helpful. He did learn math. Forcing him to meet with a study skills teacher would not have worked. Motivation is internal.
I've brought up a gap year in which he is out of the house earning money for a year before he goes to college. That's what I'm thinking.
An amusing aspect of this story is the fact that I am working very closely with a guy named Tom who gave me his life history and asked if it sounded like he was like Tommy. Yep! He spent 10 years in college!
The world would be boring if it only contained Annes. I have to appreciate him. It is very humbling as a parent to realize how little we have to do with our kids' personalities. They are what they choose to be.
Thanks for your story.
Kathleen
-
BrightAngel
- Posts: 2093
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:22 pm
- Location: Central California
- Contact:
The Blessings of Simplicity: October 21, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On Monday morning, weigh in and have a goal of one pound less for five weeks followed by five weeks of maintenance.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions (weekday S Days) should be identified before the first of the month and be justifiable.
Exercise is key.
I'm not perfect. I do my best and leave the rest to Go.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
(Month 2) Day 13– Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2
Weight:
Day 12– Thursday, November 1, 2012: 214.4
Day 13 – Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2
Day 14 – Saturday, November 3, 2012: 212.6
Day 15 – Sunday, November 4, 2012:
Day 16 – Monday, November 5, 2012:
Day 17 – Tuesday, November 6, 2012: 215.0
Day 18 – Wednesday, November 7, 2012: 213.6
Day 19 – Thursday, November 8, 2012: 214.6
Day 20 – Friday, November 9, 2012: 214.4
Day 21 – Saturday, November 10, 2012:
Day 22 – Sunday, November 11, 2012:
Day 23 – Monday, November 12, 2012:
Day 24 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012:
Day 25 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012:
Day 26 – Thursday, November 15, 2012:
Day 27 – Friday, November 16, 2012:
Day 28 – Saturday, November 17, 2012:
Day 29 – Sunday, November 18, 2012:
Day 30 – Monday, November 19, 2012:
Day 31 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012:
Day 32 – Wednesday, November 21, 2012:
Day 33 – Thursday, November 22, 2012:
Day 34 – Friday, November 23, 2012:
Day 35 – Saturday, November 24, 2012:
Day 36 – Sunday, November 25, 2012:
Day 37 – Monday, November 26, 2012:
Day 38 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012:
Day 39 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:
Day 40 – Thursday, November 29, 2012:
Day 41 – Friday, November 30, 2012:
Day 12– Thursday, November 1, 2012: 214.4 Everybody has a breaking point, BrightAngel, and I just reached mine. I'll finish reading the rest of my journal from June. Tom has been preaching at me that it does no one any good to nag at Tommy about working harder in school until he wakes up. He has a C- in his AP class. When he posted on Facebook that he forgot to turn in an assignment so now he gets half credit, Tom broke the unwritten rule that parents don't post on children's Facebook accounts and he wrote: Wake up, buddy. My weekday S Day for the month is Thanksgiving.
8 PM: For breakfast, I had two hard boiled eggs (160 calories?). For lunch, I had a yogurt with granola combination (320 calories). For dinner, I had a small plate of our meal, which was a chicken dish. That's it. To make this sustainable, I think I should count calories before dinner and try to have about 500 calories at dinner. I am so sick of being fat I could scream. What triggered this? I'm not sure. Earlier this week, I realized that I had a choice between following a process and letting my weight settle where it will or adjusting the process based on the weight on the scale. I accepted the idea of letting my weight settle where it will until I saw 215.8 on the scale and thought -- I am sick of this. I am sick to death of this.
Day 13 – Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2 I made this week's goal to get below 214 pounds. The key to painless sustainable weight loss might be that the weight loss is slow. My goal is to lose one pound per week for five weeks, maintain that weight loss for five weeks, and then repeat. By next October 21, I'll be down to 190. That may still be a high weight but it is a lower weight than any weight I've been for ten years.
I followed the Novena Diet for the last two days (1,000 calories per day) within the limits of No S. In other words, I still limited myself to three meals per day and no sweets. It was a breeze to get through those two days. I think it was a breeze for two reasons: first, I kept to No S, and second, I knew I wasn't losing weight very fast.
BrightAngel warned me I am repeating myself. That reminded me of a pre-No S Diet that I tried which I called the Monday Morning Diet. In that diet, my goal was to lose 1/2 pound per week, and I would start the diet each Monday morning with the goal to be down 1/2 pound. That diet lasted maybe four weeks. I ended up being up three pounds because I pigged out when I wasn't dieting. With this diet, I still have the No S rules as a guardrail on excessive overeating.
Do I feel guilty about not reading my journal first? Yes, BrightAngel, I do. I'm sorry. I was reacting to the 215.8 weight. Today is back to regular No S and tomorrow and Sunday will be S Days. Nothing will be different until Monday when I'll plan on having 1,000 calories per day if I am not below 213 (my goal for next week). I'll try to finish reading my journal for July to this week before the weekend is over.
It's frankly not a good sign that I dived into this diet without first keeping to my commitment to you. Patience may be the key to long term weight loss, and I did not exhibit patience.
Day 14 – Saturday, November 3, 2012: 212.6 My weight is so low because I got up so late -- at almost 8. I finished the July journal. My S Day will be more moderate because I know I will be having 1,000 calories per day starting Monday until I am below 213. This diet is not triggering diet backlash, and that's good. It is slow. It's hard to think that my goal is 190 in a year, but that's the way it is. Patience is a difficult virtue for me as evidenced by the fact that I went ahead with this diet without first reading six months of my journal.
5:44 PM: I ate so much today that I doubt I'll eat dinner. I did reread the journal from August. It made me realize that there are worse ways to manage your weight than by adjusting eating based on a number on the scale. That was a big month for me with Anne going off to college and all I did was think about my weight. Ick. To me, sustainable means requires little thought. I think the weekly adjustment based on Monday weight is a good approach, certainly much better than fasting.
Day 15 – Sunday, November 4, 2012: I finished reading my journal up to today. Two observations: I'm getting sick a lot on Saturdays, and I'm obsessed with the scale whether or not I have a weight goal. Yesterday I did not feel well so Tom took my place at a sleepover outside the church last night for the teens in the parish. He was a good sport about it. Still, this pattern of eating until I'm sick needs to be considered. Will it help me that I have a very modest weekly goal to lose one pound per week for five weeks and then maintain for five weeks? Maybe. Yesterday I ate a lot perhaps because I was considering just having one week of maintenance. I decided against that because of the pain of reading six more months of my journal. I'd rather put up with five weeks of maintenance.
3 PM: I think that a weekly rhythm is most helpful for me. Because Saturday and Sunday are S Days, maybe I should always have Mondays as days for 1,000 calories per day and then I just weigh myself starting on Tuesday morning. This Tuesday morning, if I am below 213 (highly doubtful), then I continue with N S rules to Saturday morning; if not below 213, then I take it a day at a time having 1,000 calories per day in conjunction with No S rules. There is minimal disruption.
I think I'm gong to do what is under my control and go make calls on the behalf of the Republican party. Reading about slavery has calmed me down somewhat. This country survived slavery. It kept 3 million people from learning to read. Before the Civil War, it passed the Fugitive Slave Law which allowed people in the north to "witness" that a free colored man was actually an escaped slave to be sent to the South. If we survived that, we can survive four more years of Obama but I'd rather we didn't.
6:45 PM: I have been trying to figure out the false assumption behind the failures in dieting. For years, I had assumed it was a portion control approach to dieting. Now I think it may be that the assumption is we need to be constantly vigilant. I just finished off a Haagen Dazs bar and now am set to have 1,000 calories tomorrow. My thought now is that that the key to successful weight loss is intermittent following of restrictions. My weekly pattern is Sunday -- S Day, Monday until goal weight -- 1,000 calories per day plus No S rules, rest of weekdays -- No S rules, Saturday -- S Day.
Day 16 – Monday, November 5, 2012: I may want to increase predictability by always having both Monday and Tuesday as a Novena Diet day. We'll see. I sure ate a lot over the weekend, so I have no doubt it will take at least 2 days to get below 213. Why should I stress and weigh myself today? There is no reason to do so.
Day 17 – Tuesday, November 6, 2012: 215.0 I weight today exactly what I weighted when I started No S on September 8, 2008. I feel another tweak coming on. My July journal was about combining Novena Diet and No S, and I have not done that. I'm thinking it might be good to start on the first Monday of the month and then count/estimate 1,000 calories through the following Friday. Since I would be counting 1,000 calories per day to below 213 on this current plan, today's plan is the same whether I change the diet or not. Election Day: I need to go vote.
8 AM: I just took the dogs for a walk (we are dogsitting a four pound dog), and now I need to go vote. Sean Hannity has been giving the countdown to "taking our country back". I do not have a good feeling about this election. I think we are going to have a hard lesson to learn. My view is there is no point in saving, so my income should go for paying for college. If the social agenda continues, everyone will be equal in access to healthcare and nursing home care. What I can do is give our kids a good start in life by paying for college.
I hope I'm wrong.
As for my diet, well, I'll think about it. Maybe I can estimate 1,000 calories per day through Friday of next week. If I do that, I'll try to stay off my journal so I'm not debating if this is a good idea. Of course, I'm stuck reading another six months of my journal if I go forward with this.
Day 18 – Wednesday, November 7, 2012: 213.6 I do not want to reread another 6 months of my journal, so I am just gong to stick with this plan. I should get below 213 by tomorrow. As for the election, I keep thinking back to that day in class in college when we discussed Plato's Republic and how democracies deteriorated into tyranny. I predict Obama will still be president in five years. What does that mean for me today? That it is time for me to keep my mouth shut about politics. We are no longer a free country.
9 PM: Bummer. I lasted until dinnertime, and then Tom offered me some wine and I took it. Since then, I've had chocolate covered acais, several slices of cheese, an apple, two cups of spaghetti, and who knows what else. I think I need to set a schedule and follow it. Maybe I can manage 3 days at most of 1,000 calories per day. Tomorrow I go back to No S and maybe Monday I will look at 3 days of 1,000 calories per day.
That means -- ugh! -- six more months of reading my journal.
Day 19 – Thursday, November 8, 2012: 214.6 Bummer. I knew my weight would go up, and it did. This morning, as I was lounging in the bathtub, I thought to myself that I would go back to No S which was good because I was starving. Hmmm. Starving? Hardly! I had pigged out last night, so why did I think I was starving? It was the food restriction. I did not succeed yesterday because I did not know when this was going to end. Would I be able to return to No S today or not? It depended on the number on the scale. What I'll do next week is set a number of days to have 1,000 calories per day. To be safe, I may start with two. My goal is to get below 210 and stay there for a month. I cannot believe how hard it is to lose weight at this high a weight.
Day 20 – Friday, November 9, 2012: 214.4 I followed No S yesterday, and this is what I got.
8 PM: I got home from work and while driving home decided to give up weekend S Days if I don't make my weight goal. I got in the door, looked up Obama and the fiscal cliff, heard blather about how the rich need to make a little bit more (no, we are not rich by the current standard of $250,000 in income), and ended up eating and eating and eating. I ate frozen grapes so fast I bit my life. Let's see -- there was the dinner plus about five or so cups of frozen grapes plus 1/2 peanut butter sandwich plus some beef for sandwiches plus the remainder of the chocolate covered acais. I do hate being fat, but I hate this reaction even more.
What to do? I think I need to accept whatever comes of No S and exercise more. Time spent exercising is better than time doing this stuff. Maybe I can weigh myself once per month which will keep me from obsessing about a .2 change in weight. Maybe I can write in this journal once per month.
I've gone from process to goal and back.
8:36 PM: I think there is a psychological reaction to the decision to cut back on eating, and that reaction is binge behavior. God how I hate that binge behavior! No S got me out of it.
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
On Monday morning, weigh in and have a goal of one pound less for five weeks followed by five weeks of maintenance.
On weekdays, no snacks or sweets; one plateful of food at each of three meals.
Variance from weekday restrictions (weekday S Days) should be identified before the first of the month and be justifiable.
Exercise is key.
I'm not perfect. I do my best and leave the rest to Go.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Day 1 – Sunday, October 21, 2012: 216.0
(Month 2) Day 13– Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2
Weight:
Day 12– Thursday, November 1, 2012: 214.4
Day 13 – Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2
Day 14 – Saturday, November 3, 2012: 212.6
Day 15 – Sunday, November 4, 2012:
Day 16 – Monday, November 5, 2012:
Day 17 – Tuesday, November 6, 2012: 215.0
Day 18 – Wednesday, November 7, 2012: 213.6
Day 19 – Thursday, November 8, 2012: 214.6
Day 20 – Friday, November 9, 2012: 214.4
Day 21 – Saturday, November 10, 2012:
Day 22 – Sunday, November 11, 2012:
Day 23 – Monday, November 12, 2012:
Day 24 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012:
Day 25 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012:
Day 26 – Thursday, November 15, 2012:
Day 27 – Friday, November 16, 2012:
Day 28 – Saturday, November 17, 2012:
Day 29 – Sunday, November 18, 2012:
Day 30 – Monday, November 19, 2012:
Day 31 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012:
Day 32 – Wednesday, November 21, 2012:
Day 33 – Thursday, November 22, 2012:
Day 34 – Friday, November 23, 2012:
Day 35 – Saturday, November 24, 2012:
Day 36 – Sunday, November 25, 2012:
Day 37 – Monday, November 26, 2012:
Day 38 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012:
Day 39 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:
Day 40 – Thursday, November 29, 2012:
Day 41 – Friday, November 30, 2012:
Day 12– Thursday, November 1, 2012: 214.4 Everybody has a breaking point, BrightAngel, and I just reached mine. I'll finish reading the rest of my journal from June. Tom has been preaching at me that it does no one any good to nag at Tommy about working harder in school until he wakes up. He has a C- in his AP class. When he posted on Facebook that he forgot to turn in an assignment so now he gets half credit, Tom broke the unwritten rule that parents don't post on children's Facebook accounts and he wrote: Wake up, buddy. My weekday S Day for the month is Thanksgiving.
8 PM: For breakfast, I had two hard boiled eggs (160 calories?). For lunch, I had a yogurt with granola combination (320 calories). For dinner, I had a small plate of our meal, which was a chicken dish. That's it. To make this sustainable, I think I should count calories before dinner and try to have about 500 calories at dinner. I am so sick of being fat I could scream. What triggered this? I'm not sure. Earlier this week, I realized that I had a choice between following a process and letting my weight settle where it will or adjusting the process based on the weight on the scale. I accepted the idea of letting my weight settle where it will until I saw 215.8 on the scale and thought -- I am sick of this. I am sick to death of this.
Day 13 – Friday, November 2, 2012: 213.2 I made this week's goal to get below 214 pounds. The key to painless sustainable weight loss might be that the weight loss is slow. My goal is to lose one pound per week for five weeks, maintain that weight loss for five weeks, and then repeat. By next October 21, I'll be down to 190. That may still be a high weight but it is a lower weight than any weight I've been for ten years.
I followed the Novena Diet for the last two days (1,000 calories per day) within the limits of No S. In other words, I still limited myself to three meals per day and no sweets. It was a breeze to get through those two days. I think it was a breeze for two reasons: first, I kept to No S, and second, I knew I wasn't losing weight very fast.
BrightAngel warned me I am repeating myself. That reminded me of a pre-No S Diet that I tried which I called the Monday Morning Diet. In that diet, my goal was to lose 1/2 pound per week, and I would start the diet each Monday morning with the goal to be down 1/2 pound. That diet lasted maybe four weeks. I ended up being up three pounds because I pigged out when I wasn't dieting. With this diet, I still have the No S rules as a guardrail on excessive overeating.
Do I feel guilty about not reading my journal first? Yes, BrightAngel, I do. I'm sorry. I was reacting to the 215.8 weight. Today is back to regular No S and tomorrow and Sunday will be S Days. Nothing will be different until Monday when I'll plan on having 1,000 calories per day if I am not below 213 (my goal for next week). I'll try to finish reading my journal for July to this week before the weekend is over.
It's frankly not a good sign that I dived into this diet without first keeping to my commitment to you. Patience may be the key to long term weight loss, and I did not exhibit patience.
Day 14 – Saturday, November 3, 2012: 212.6 My weight is so low because I got up so late -- at almost 8. I finished the July journal. My S Day will be more moderate because I know I will be having 1,000 calories per day starting Monday until I am below 213. This diet is not triggering diet backlash, and that's good. It is slow. It's hard to think that my goal is 190 in a year, but that's the way it is. Patience is a difficult virtue for me as evidenced by the fact that I went ahead with this diet without first reading six months of my journal.
5:44 PM: I ate so much today that I doubt I'll eat dinner. I did reread the journal from August. It made me realize that there are worse ways to manage your weight than by adjusting eating based on a number on the scale. That was a big month for me with Anne going off to college and all I did was think about my weight. Ick. To me, sustainable means requires little thought. I think the weekly adjustment based on Monday weight is a good approach, certainly much better than fasting.
Day 15 – Sunday, November 4, 2012: I finished reading my journal up to today. Two observations: I'm getting sick a lot on Saturdays, and I'm obsessed with the scale whether or not I have a weight goal. Yesterday I did not feel well so Tom took my place at a sleepover outside the church last night for the teens in the parish. He was a good sport about it. Still, this pattern of eating until I'm sick needs to be considered. Will it help me that I have a very modest weekly goal to lose one pound per week for five weeks and then maintain for five weeks? Maybe. Yesterday I ate a lot perhaps because I was considering just having one week of maintenance. I decided against that because of the pain of reading six more months of my journal. I'd rather put up with five weeks of maintenance.
3 PM: I think that a weekly rhythm is most helpful for me. Because Saturday and Sunday are S Days, maybe I should always have Mondays as days for 1,000 calories per day and then I just weigh myself starting on Tuesday morning. This Tuesday morning, if I am below 213 (highly doubtful), then I continue with N S rules to Saturday morning; if not below 213, then I take it a day at a time having 1,000 calories per day in conjunction with No S rules. There is minimal disruption.
I think I'm gong to do what is under my control and go make calls on the behalf of the Republican party. Reading about slavery has calmed me down somewhat. This country survived slavery. It kept 3 million people from learning to read. Before the Civil War, it passed the Fugitive Slave Law which allowed people in the north to "witness" that a free colored man was actually an escaped slave to be sent to the South. If we survived that, we can survive four more years of Obama but I'd rather we didn't.
6:45 PM: I have been trying to figure out the false assumption behind the failures in dieting. For years, I had assumed it was a portion control approach to dieting. Now I think it may be that the assumption is we need to be constantly vigilant. I just finished off a Haagen Dazs bar and now am set to have 1,000 calories tomorrow. My thought now is that that the key to successful weight loss is intermittent following of restrictions. My weekly pattern is Sunday -- S Day, Monday until goal weight -- 1,000 calories per day plus No S rules, rest of weekdays -- No S rules, Saturday -- S Day.
Day 16 – Monday, November 5, 2012: I may want to increase predictability by always having both Monday and Tuesday as a Novena Diet day. We'll see. I sure ate a lot over the weekend, so I have no doubt it will take at least 2 days to get below 213. Why should I stress and weigh myself today? There is no reason to do so.
Day 17 – Tuesday, November 6, 2012: 215.0 I weight today exactly what I weighted when I started No S on September 8, 2008. I feel another tweak coming on. My July journal was about combining Novena Diet and No S, and I have not done that. I'm thinking it might be good to start on the first Monday of the month and then count/estimate 1,000 calories through the following Friday. Since I would be counting 1,000 calories per day to below 213 on this current plan, today's plan is the same whether I change the diet or not. Election Day: I need to go vote.
8 AM: I just took the dogs for a walk (we are dogsitting a four pound dog), and now I need to go vote. Sean Hannity has been giving the countdown to "taking our country back". I do not have a good feeling about this election. I think we are going to have a hard lesson to learn. My view is there is no point in saving, so my income should go for paying for college. If the social agenda continues, everyone will be equal in access to healthcare and nursing home care. What I can do is give our kids a good start in life by paying for college.
I hope I'm wrong.
As for my diet, well, I'll think about it. Maybe I can estimate 1,000 calories per day through Friday of next week. If I do that, I'll try to stay off my journal so I'm not debating if this is a good idea. Of course, I'm stuck reading another six months of my journal if I go forward with this.
Day 18 – Wednesday, November 7, 2012: 213.6 I do not want to reread another 6 months of my journal, so I am just gong to stick with this plan. I should get below 213 by tomorrow. As for the election, I keep thinking back to that day in class in college when we discussed Plato's Republic and how democracies deteriorated into tyranny. I predict Obama will still be president in five years. What does that mean for me today? That it is time for me to keep my mouth shut about politics. We are no longer a free country.
9 PM: Bummer. I lasted until dinnertime, and then Tom offered me some wine and I took it. Since then, I've had chocolate covered acais, several slices of cheese, an apple, two cups of spaghetti, and who knows what else. I think I need to set a schedule and follow it. Maybe I can manage 3 days at most of 1,000 calories per day. Tomorrow I go back to No S and maybe Monday I will look at 3 days of 1,000 calories per day.
That means -- ugh! -- six more months of reading my journal.
Day 19 – Thursday, November 8, 2012: 214.6 Bummer. I knew my weight would go up, and it did. This morning, as I was lounging in the bathtub, I thought to myself that I would go back to No S which was good because I was starving. Hmmm. Starving? Hardly! I had pigged out last night, so why did I think I was starving? It was the food restriction. I did not succeed yesterday because I did not know when this was going to end. Would I be able to return to No S today or not? It depended on the number on the scale. What I'll do next week is set a number of days to have 1,000 calories per day. To be safe, I may start with two. My goal is to get below 210 and stay there for a month. I cannot believe how hard it is to lose weight at this high a weight.
Day 20 – Friday, November 9, 2012: 214.4 I followed No S yesterday, and this is what I got.
8 PM: I got home from work and while driving home decided to give up weekend S Days if I don't make my weight goal. I got in the door, looked up Obama and the fiscal cliff, heard blather about how the rich need to make a little bit more (no, we are not rich by the current standard of $250,000 in income), and ended up eating and eating and eating. I ate frozen grapes so fast I bit my life. Let's see -- there was the dinner plus about five or so cups of frozen grapes plus 1/2 peanut butter sandwich plus some beef for sandwiches plus the remainder of the chocolate covered acais. I do hate being fat, but I hate this reaction even more.
What to do? I think I need to accept whatever comes of No S and exercise more. Time spent exercising is better than time doing this stuff. Maybe I can weigh myself once per month which will keep me from obsessing about a .2 change in weight. Maybe I can write in this journal once per month.
I've gone from process to goal and back.
8:36 PM: I think there is a psychological reaction to the decision to cut back on eating, and that reaction is binge behavior. God how I hate that binge behavior! No S got me out of it.
Last edited by Kathleen on Wed Nov 14, 2012 1:28 am, edited 21 times in total.
-
BrightAngel
- Posts: 2093
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:22 pm
- Location: Central California
- Contact:
Kathleen wrote: Thursday, November 1, 2012: 214.4
Everybody has a breaking point, BrightAngel, and I just reached mine.
I'll finish reading the rest of my journal from June.
My recollection is that BEFORE making any modification, you agreed to read ANY consecutive 6 month period of history in your journal.
It would be best if EACH TIME, you chose to read DIFFERENT 6 month sections.
In this way, if you choose to make changes frequently,
and you follow our agreement,
you will wind up re-reading your entire journal history,
which could be quite an eye-opener for you.
Among other things, this will show you how frequently you return to the same themes,
and repeat the same patterns, while believing they are new ones.
This could be an excellent tool to help you recognize and break through your Denial,
Especially if you wind up re-reading the entire thing several times.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
BrightAngel,
I admit it. I caved. I'm sorry. I sound like my son who always has an excuse: It's November 1 in Minnesota, and I cannot squeeze a coat over work clothes. I'm also ringless, and Tom enjoys looking at my ring finger and asking, "Are you married?" The ring is in hte safety deposit box. I REFUSE to get that ring resized because I got too fat to wear it. I will continue reading from June on to the end of October.
Kathleen
PS I have now finished June. I am going to exercise and go to bed. One month per day. Yes, I agreed to read before making a change. This is not exactly following my agreement with you, but I am desperate. It is cold outside and getting colder!
I admit it. I caved. I'm sorry. I sound like my son who always has an excuse: It's November 1 in Minnesota, and I cannot squeeze a coat over work clothes. I'm also ringless, and Tom enjoys looking at my ring finger and asking, "Are you married?" The ring is in hte safety deposit box. I REFUSE to get that ring resized because I got too fat to wear it. I will continue reading from June on to the end of October.
Kathleen
PS I have now finished June. I am going to exercise and go to bed. One month per day. Yes, I agreed to read before making a change. This is not exactly following my agreement with you, but I am desperate. It is cold outside and getting colder!
-
BrightAngel
- Posts: 2093
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:22 pm
- Location: Central California
- Contact:
A reminder: The No S Diet is based on Common Sense. Your committment is to "vanilla" No S, and in doing this...
you are supposed to use your common sense to strive for moderation.
It might help to remind yourself what "vanilla" No S specifically is.
No Snacks (meaning mealtime eating only),
No Sweets,
No Seconds (meaning 1 plate per meal)
except SOMETIMES on days beginning with S.
Within those boundaries, you get to choose what and how much to eat...
while using your common sense, and striving for moderation.
S Days are for exceptions "Sometimes", (a relaxing of the rule) which does not mean
"eat as much of everything that you want anytime you want starting at 12 p.m. on Friday. "
Remember ... Reinhard specifically said "Don't Be An Idot"
Extra rules aren't necessary, because...
They are already a part of the plan to which you have already committed yourself.
Use your common sense one-hour-at-a-time while you work to follow
the plan's basic rules of moderation.
You will achieve weight-loss RESULTS, when you focus on:
making your eating BEHAVIOR an application of the "vanilla" No S plan
continually working to use your common sense...while working inside the basic rules...
regarding the amounts and kinds of food substances you choose every time you eat,
instead of focusing on your weight RESULTS.
Your problem is that you continually fail to apply your common sense,
...and inside yourself, you know it and continually look for ways to excuse yourself from applying it...
but common sense is something that adding extra rules will never provide.
Keep Reading your Journal.
This has Great Value, and will provide you with an enormous amount of self-knowledge,
which will be far more useful to you than an extra rule or two.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
BrightAngel,
I am continuing to read the journal. At the moment, my son is hounding me to get on the computer so he can finish up the one remaining merit badge he needs to complete his Eagle requirements. What's wrong with this picture? Yesterday was the end of the quarter, and he was home all day. I was at work all day. Why isn't it already done? It's easy to see the faults of others and not so easy to see your own faults.
Kathleen
I am continuing to read the journal. At the moment, my son is hounding me to get on the computer so he can finish up the one remaining merit badge he needs to complete his Eagle requirements. What's wrong with this picture? Yesterday was the end of the quarter, and he was home all day. I was at work all day. Why isn't it already done? It's easy to see the faults of others and not so easy to see your own faults.
Kathleen
-
Eileen7316
- Posts: 140
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:59 pm
- Location: Florida
Day 20 – Friday, November 9, 2012: 214.4 I followed No S yesterday, and this is what I got.
Kathleen,
Your body does not process everything you eat and give you the results in one day. What I mean is the fact that you weighed only .2 less this morning is not indicative of how much or little you ate yesterday. If you stay on No S today, tomorrow you could be down another pound. It takes time for your body to process the energy. If you overeat one day, it is not all turned to fat by the next day - it's still being processed. That's why you must look at TRENDS in weight - not the actual daily weight. Today's weight does not necessarily tell you whether you were "good" or "bad" the day before.
Eileen
The Blessings of Simplicity: November 10, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
No snacks, sweets, or seconds on weekdays except a rolling average of two Exception Days per month.
Focus on increasing exercise.
Summary
(Month 1) Day 1 - Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0
Weight and Exception Days (2)
Day 1 – Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0
Day 2 – Sunday, November 11, 2012:
Day 3 – Monday, November 12, 2012:
Day 4 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012: 214.2
Day 5 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012: 214.8
Day 6 – Thursday, November 15, 2012: 215.8 Exception Day (1)
Day 7 – Friday, November 16, 2012: 214.8
Day 8 – Saturday, November 17, 2012: 214.2
Day 9 – Sunday, November 18, 2012:
Day 10 – Monday, November 19, 2012:
Day 11 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 12 – Wednesday, November 21, 2012:
Day 13 – Thursday, November 22, 2012: Planned S Day
Day 14 – Friday, November 23, 2012:
Day 15 – Saturday, November 24, 2012: 212.4
Day 16 – Sunday, November 25, 2012:
Day 17 – Monday, November 26, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 18 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012:
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:Unplanned S Day
Day 20 – Thursday, November 29, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 21 – Friday, November 30, 2012:
Journal
Day 1 – Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0 I ate so much that I had to use the bathroom twice in the night which is why my weight only went up less than a pound. My body could not handle all the food that went into it. Now what? S Days for sure every Saturday and Sunday. I figured that out. I think Exception Days worked for me, so I'll return to that. The only add on is the possibility of calorie counting on Mondays and Tuesdays. I overreached last week trying to go three days.
Day 2 – Sunday, November 11, 2012: I ate a lot yesterday. So what. Nothing new there. I'm less inclined to eat a lot today. What needed to be established yesterday was that I could eat whatever I wanted yesterday. Tomorrow and Tuesday are my time-bound days to experiment with restrictions. On Wednesday, for the first time since Saturday, I'll weigh myself. Wednesday through Friday are normal S Days, and Saturday and Sunday are S Days. I think I need a reliable pattern of S Days and non S Days with a maximum of two days per week with additional restrictions.
Day 3 – Monday, November 12, 2012: I just read six months of my journal in which I managed to reach 222 through attempts at fasting and calorie restriction. Slow learner... I have eaten so much over the past three days that it is unclear if I will fit into my work clothes. Stupid... What to do? Well, I decided to return to my stable plan of No S with a rolling average of two Exception Days per month, only this time I'll allow S Days on both Saturday and Sunday. My attempts at calorie restriction just backfired again and again. I don't even want to look at the scale this morning, and no wonder. It's time to turn my attention to exercise and away form the scale. If I have to be fat, I can at least be fit and fit.
Day 4 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012: 214.2 I feared I would be up to 217 or so when I stepped on the scale this morning, but instead I was down below 215 despite eating all weekend. I have no explanation for this. It is true that I feel calmer having decided to jettison the extra tweaks for the diet and just go back to my 2 Exception Days per month approach. I have to carry my suit jacket into work because I cannot wear both a suit jacket and a winter coat. That is embarrassing. In addition, no ring...
Day 5 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012: 214.8 Last night, I was having egg nog - two cups in fact!... It actually never occurred to me to call it a sweet. It was a drink. 180 calories per 4 ounces. Now it is true I don't need to count calories in order to lose weight. It also is true that it is helpful to be aware of what I am doing. (Tom bought the egg nog, not me.)
I decided to write down everything I eat, and when I got home from work at 6:30 no one had lifted a finger to make dinner. I pulled out a frozen meal and ate a lot before that meal was ready. What now?
Day 6 – Thursday, November 15, 2012: 215.8 Groundhog Day. No wonder I like that movie! I am going to write down what I eat and how much I exercise, and I took an Exception Day yesterday.
10 PM: I am totally not interested in writing down everything I eat. Maybe I will take the common sense approach of accepting No S as a type of guard rail on my eating. Just like guard rails prevent my car from gong over a cliff, so No S prevents/reduces binge eating. That doesn't mean it's great eating, just like there is more to driving than not hitting guard rails! Now I need let myself know that, just because I can eat something doesn't mean I should eat it!
Day 7 – Friday, November 16, 2012: 214.8 This is it. No S with my modification of a rolling average of two Exception Days per month. If I want to lose more weight than this produces, I need to eat less without additional rules. This isn't like a math problem with exactness. It's like a highway with guardrails. There is no tomorrow. This is it. If I am to lose weight, it is going to be because I did not eat everything I was allowed to eat.
Day 8 – Saturday, November 17, 2012: 214.2 I did not follow the No S rules yesterday, and today I am changing the diet and facing reading another six months on my diet. Here is my plan: leverage my dislike to writing down what I eat by having a goal weight each week and not having to write down what I eat if I make the goal. Retroactively, I am making this week under 215. Starting tomorrow, my goal is under 214. If I am under 214, I won't have to write down what I eat. My goals will be:
Week 2 (tomorrow): Under 214
Week 3: Under 213
Week 4: Under 212
Week 5: Under 211
Week 6 - 10: Under 210
Week 11: Under 209
Week 12: Under 208
Week 13: Under 207
Week 14: Under 206
Week 15: Under 205
My husband is telling me I am typing away on my fat blog while he is taking the dog for a walk. Actually, I need to take the girls to Kumon.
Day 11 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012: I did fine yesterday until evening, which isn't surprising because I had about 15 minutes for lunch yesterday. Last evening, I should have just gone to bed but instead had a bagel, some cheese, and I don't remember what... There wasn't much to readily grab in our house.... Do I really want to live this way? No. I'd rather be fat.
Back to No S. I don't even want that idea of tracking Exception Days. I just want to focus on something other than weight.
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012: Last night, I ate a ton. Why? I think it may have been the reaction to a mild restriction of food the day before. I did not attempt to stop the eating. Instead, I took the role of observer. Today, I slipped right back into No S. I'm thinking I'll just record weekday S Days as either planned or unplanned and leave it at that. I'm also thinking that trying to work towards a goal weight is counterproductive so I should just weigh myself once per month. If I am disappointed with my weight, I can focus on increased exercise.
Day 20 – Thursday, November 29, 2012: Planned S Day It is Thanksgiving morning, so what did I have to eat? Cheerios with craisins, my favorite breakfast. I have no desire to overeat. I have great desire to clean before we leave for my sister in law's house, picking up Anne on the way. I had to give up weight loss goals in order to focus on habit. It's as simple as that. Habit. Habit. Habit.
7 PM: I had one plate of food at Thanksgiving dinner followed by a rather large slice of pie. Then I had another pie, came home, and had two or three cups of ice cream and a large chunk of cheese. Why? No idea. AND I DO NOT CARE.
As I was cutting a slice of cheese, it occurred to me that I would not behaving the cheese if it were not an S Day. Hunger comes and goes. On N Days, I resist hunger outside of meal times. On S Days, I indulge. And that's OK.
I remember one book on Willpower -- was it called Willpower? -- was by a Florida State University professor Roy Baumeister who said that willpower is like a muscle that needs to be exercised and allowed to rest. Well, S Days are the resting part for dieting, and N Days are the willpower part. I am content.
I also have been able to wear a cheap sapphire ring for the past week. Tomorrow I may get my wedding ring out of the safety deposit box and see if I can now wear it.
Day 14 – Friday, November 23, 2012: It is 9, I got up at 8, and I have yet to have breakfast. I was up and reading at 4 AM and went back to bed. We are dogsitting a golden retriever, and our little Pepper steals the dog's ball even when she has her own. Apparently, it is dog nature to want what you do not have. Tom, Katie and I were chuckling about how Angel had Angel's ball, Pepper was trying to steal it, I threw Pepper's ball to Pepper, Angel grabbed Pepper's ball, and Pepper got Angel's ball as a result. Isn't this scene so much like dieting? You have what is adequate, but you want what you do not have. The little dog (Pepper) ended up with the big dog's full size ball, and the big dog (Angel) ended up with the little dog's ball.
I have been listening to one Progressive Radio (liberal) show for months, and I have listened to understand how these people think. It has just not made sense to me. Finally, I think I've figured it out. All along, I thought that progressives did not believe that people would continue working no matter what the tax rate. On Wednesday, it finally clicked that the real prize for progressives is the assets of the wealthy, not the income of the wealthy, and there is no end to the assets of the wealthy which is why they do not worry about deficits. "Sooner or later, you run out of other people's money" is a paraphrase of something Margaret Thatcher said which I think may make no sense to progressives.
The reason why I bring this up is that I have been stuck on the notion that portion control is what causes out of control eating, and my observation of the two dogs this morning would have contributed to that view. Now I'm thinking it may be that having a weight loss goal is what has been interfering with my building of habits. This is a siesmic shift in my thinking, much like there was a siesmic thinking in my understanding of the progressive mentality. I've always been on the edge of changing the diet, or I'm falling off the edge -- only now there is a painful consequence of having to reread six months of my journal. Do I really want to go through life weighing myself daily and adjusting my diet and exercise in accordance with what the scale says? No. I do not. It's painful to say, but I'd rather be fat.
Having concluded that I have my diet and that is that, I now can only change my weight -- or speed up weight loss -- by exercise. My goal until Christmas is to come up with four times per week when I go on the exercise bike. I've got two: Sunday morning and Saturday morning. With the kids' schedules, I think I'll settle on Monday and Wednesday night for the other two times.
Day 15 – Saturday, November 24, 2012: 212.4 I decided to weigh myself today because my approach has changed in the last week. I was hopeful. Yesterday I squeezed into jeans. I had not worn jeans since the summer. I also tried on my wedding ring which I took out of the safety deposit box. It is tight but I can wear it for an hour at least. What about the weight? Am I not elated? Yes and No. I see now that a focus on weight is a distraction from the real job of building sustainable habits. Aristotle was right: habit is a virtue.
Today I am having coffee with another stay at home Mom who is looking at contract work as a work option for her. It is very gratifying for me to pass on to others what has been given to me: the gift of knowledge about how to transition back to working after years caring for your family. I do not regret those years at home, but when you stay too long, your children start to look upon you as your personal servant. We are accustomed to living on one income which is good because I want our kids to get out of college without mountains of debt. My income will cover Anne's freshman year and the last year of tuition at the Catholic elementary school. By the time Ellie is in college, I should have lots of flexibility to work during the summer. My biggest concern with this plan is my health. Having weighed above 200 for most of a decade, can I still be healthy enough to work full time when I am ten years older? I cannot look back with regret. It is a useless exercise. I can only look forward with resolve.
Yesterday I was reading a book called Brain Longevity that I picked up from the library book sale. It tied memory problems in older adults to stress and cited dieting as a cause of stress. No surprise there that dieting is stressful!
11:30 PM: My ring had to come off. I needed SoftSoap to get it off, and my ring ended up being flung across the bathroom. How sad... Well, at least I could wear it for a few hours.
This morning, I met with a stay at home Mom who wanted to ask me about contract work, and it turned out she felt called to youth ministry. I came home, thinking -- wow, the only calling I feel is to get my kids through college without mountains of debt. Then I thought I may feel some sort of a calling about weight loss. It's laughable now, with all the rolls of fat and the wedding ring that can be worn only a few hours, but I've come a long way.
It was about 1995 when I read Diets Don't Work and started to think portion control was a problem. It wasn't until 2008 when I learned about No S and reaped the benefits of intermittent enforcement of habit. Now, like the third necessary leg of the stool, I recognize the necessity of not having a weight goal but instead having habit goals only.
Where could this lead? I don't know. I like the work I do and have no desire to link my name with this blog, with its stream of consciousness description of my dislike for my sister in law, etc. I captured everything I thought could be relevant for weight loss, and there is lots in here that just isn't relevant. Now I have a clearer picture. Now I know to focus on building habits.
Day 16 – Sunday, November 25, 2012: It is 8:50 AM, and I am waiting for the 9 AM Sunday show to start before I get on the exercise bike. I'm going to set it up so I can download some of those shows to the iPod so I have more flexibility as to when I exercise, so I've just requested a password reset on my iTunes account. I started my diet journal in 2003 and, except for a six month period, have kept it ever since. It may be time to back away from it and focus on the exercise program. The author of Eat that Frog makes a good point that sometimes you need to stop what has been good in the past. At this point, with the focus on exercise, the main goal of the journal can switch to my being accountable for exercise. My goal for this month: at least three times per week on the exercise bike.
6:30 PM: This morning, before exercising, I started looking at sleeping bags for Katie for backpacking next summer with Dad, and Tom asked Katie, "What is Mom doing?" Katie said, "I don't know", and Dad said, "Procrastinating." Right he was! I was able to exercise before church, but I'd been delaying. This brings me back to habits. Way a long time ago, back in my 20s when I was single, for a couple of years, I had a habit every first Saturday of the month of going to Cincinnati from where I lived about an hour north and spending some time considering how I wanted to improve on my life for the next month. Then I set goals. What a wonderful approach! I think I'll do that now, starting with exercising four times per week on the bike. There is no need to have a complete exercise program out of the box. I just need to focus on starting and improving from where I am.
Day 17 – Monday, November 26, 2012: Unplanned S Day I am wondering if there is some sort of diet backlash just because my body needs reassurance that I can lose weight as slowly as I'd like. I was tempted by a dried out muffin, something I normally would not want. Why? I don't really know. It was offered at a meeting. I sat through the meeting without eating it, went to lunch, and returned and ate it. Maybe I'm still returning to the habit of No S. I don't know. I did end up overeating at night as well. Do I care? Not really. If I just plug away at the plan, I'll be fine. Tonight I exercised. It was hard at night, and I only lasted 20 minutes but I did it. Habit. Habit. Habit.
Day 18 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012: I am letting Ellie sleep in. I exercised, and she did not go to bed on her own. She went to bed at 10:25 PM. An eleven year old up past 10 PM? Isn't that what you need to deal with in improving your life? Trying to establish one habit can upset other habits. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again..."
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012: What really caused havoc with me these last few months was the doctor saying I needed to have a weight in mind. I went back to my journal from July to read what I wrote then so that the intervening months have not altered my memory of the event. I remember my reaction to him of a chuckle and then my saying "132". I've been back and forth about whether to follow a process or have a goal. You really cannot have both. It was a Mayo Clinic doctor, the best in the world, and my talk with him does not change at all my assessment that this medical institution is the best in the world. I have them to thank for care of four members of my family of origin, including my mother who just had surgery for melanoma there last month. My deciding against following the doctor's advice to have a weight goal is the result of my experience trying to have a weight goal, but I have him to thank for clearly laying out the key areas of consideration: having a goal or a process, and having intermittent or constant rules to follow. A weight goal is counterproductive because it prevents the building of habits because you are always comparing your interim weight goal against your current weight and deciding whether or not to alter your lifestyle (change eating habits, change exercise, etc.) For me, going forward, weight is an input that may result in my adding to habits but not in my changing any! Given my history, I am not touching anything to do with food -- no food journals, no changes in S Days, NOTHING.... All I am changing is adding to my exercise program.
The fact that a Mayo doctor would recommend a weight goal indicates to me that the obesity epidemic may in part be due to doctors making recommendations that are counterproductive. Diets Don't Work is a classic that I read back in the mid 1990s. It explains how dieting inevitably leads to binge behavior. You think it's you. You think it's your lack of willpower. In actual fact, you have very limited control over binge behavior. It's like not breathing. You can in fact hold your breath but, sooner or later, you breathe again if your body can find a way. In the history of mankind, I bet no person has successfully committed suicide by holding their breath only.
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:Unplanned S Day I was going to exercise last night and just plain did not. Instead, I had some Greek yogurt and cheese. What is the lesson here? Look on this approach as like a target. The bull's eye is the No S eating rules. If I can only follow them, then I can only follow them. Exercise may need to be developed into a habit at a slower pace than I had hoped.
8 PM: Fifteen minutes ago, I started eating, and I ate some Greek yogurt, 1/2 peanut butter sandwich, and a hunk of cheese. Now I' done. I think I need to set aside exercise until I stabilize No S eating.
Day 21 – Friday, November 30, 2012: I realized that I'm dealing with the change from having a limit for Exception Days to having no limit for Unplanned S Days. The other thing I noticed is the binges were not as extreme. This is a move to a long term strategy; however, I have to focus on making it work. Three unplanned S Days in one week will not result in weight loss.
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
No snacks, sweets, or seconds on weekdays except a rolling average of two Exception Days per month.
Focus on increasing exercise.
Summary
(Month 1) Day 1 - Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0
Weight and Exception Days (2)
Day 1 – Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0
Day 2 – Sunday, November 11, 2012:
Day 3 – Monday, November 12, 2012:
Day 4 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012: 214.2
Day 5 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012: 214.8
Day 6 – Thursday, November 15, 2012: 215.8 Exception Day (1)
Day 7 – Friday, November 16, 2012: 214.8
Day 8 – Saturday, November 17, 2012: 214.2
Day 9 – Sunday, November 18, 2012:
Day 10 – Monday, November 19, 2012:
Day 11 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 12 – Wednesday, November 21, 2012:
Day 13 – Thursday, November 22, 2012: Planned S Day
Day 14 – Friday, November 23, 2012:
Day 15 – Saturday, November 24, 2012: 212.4
Day 16 – Sunday, November 25, 2012:
Day 17 – Monday, November 26, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 18 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012:
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:Unplanned S Day
Day 20 – Thursday, November 29, 2012: Unplanned S Day
Day 21 – Friday, November 30, 2012:
Journal
Day 1 – Saturday, November 10, 2012: 215.0 I ate so much that I had to use the bathroom twice in the night which is why my weight only went up less than a pound. My body could not handle all the food that went into it. Now what? S Days for sure every Saturday and Sunday. I figured that out. I think Exception Days worked for me, so I'll return to that. The only add on is the possibility of calorie counting on Mondays and Tuesdays. I overreached last week trying to go three days.
Day 2 – Sunday, November 11, 2012: I ate a lot yesterday. So what. Nothing new there. I'm less inclined to eat a lot today. What needed to be established yesterday was that I could eat whatever I wanted yesterday. Tomorrow and Tuesday are my time-bound days to experiment with restrictions. On Wednesday, for the first time since Saturday, I'll weigh myself. Wednesday through Friday are normal S Days, and Saturday and Sunday are S Days. I think I need a reliable pattern of S Days and non S Days with a maximum of two days per week with additional restrictions.
Day 3 – Monday, November 12, 2012: I just read six months of my journal in which I managed to reach 222 through attempts at fasting and calorie restriction. Slow learner... I have eaten so much over the past three days that it is unclear if I will fit into my work clothes. Stupid... What to do? Well, I decided to return to my stable plan of No S with a rolling average of two Exception Days per month, only this time I'll allow S Days on both Saturday and Sunday. My attempts at calorie restriction just backfired again and again. I don't even want to look at the scale this morning, and no wonder. It's time to turn my attention to exercise and away form the scale. If I have to be fat, I can at least be fit and fit.
Day 4 – Tuesday, November 13, 2012: 214.2 I feared I would be up to 217 or so when I stepped on the scale this morning, but instead I was down below 215 despite eating all weekend. I have no explanation for this. It is true that I feel calmer having decided to jettison the extra tweaks for the diet and just go back to my 2 Exception Days per month approach. I have to carry my suit jacket into work because I cannot wear both a suit jacket and a winter coat. That is embarrassing. In addition, no ring...
Day 5 – Wednesday, November 14, 2012: 214.8 Last night, I was having egg nog - two cups in fact!... It actually never occurred to me to call it a sweet. It was a drink. 180 calories per 4 ounces. Now it is true I don't need to count calories in order to lose weight. It also is true that it is helpful to be aware of what I am doing. (Tom bought the egg nog, not me.)
I decided to write down everything I eat, and when I got home from work at 6:30 no one had lifted a finger to make dinner. I pulled out a frozen meal and ate a lot before that meal was ready. What now?
Day 6 – Thursday, November 15, 2012: 215.8 Groundhog Day. No wonder I like that movie! I am going to write down what I eat and how much I exercise, and I took an Exception Day yesterday.
10 PM: I am totally not interested in writing down everything I eat. Maybe I will take the common sense approach of accepting No S as a type of guard rail on my eating. Just like guard rails prevent my car from gong over a cliff, so No S prevents/reduces binge eating. That doesn't mean it's great eating, just like there is more to driving than not hitting guard rails! Now I need let myself know that, just because I can eat something doesn't mean I should eat it!
Day 7 – Friday, November 16, 2012: 214.8 This is it. No S with my modification of a rolling average of two Exception Days per month. If I want to lose more weight than this produces, I need to eat less without additional rules. This isn't like a math problem with exactness. It's like a highway with guardrails. There is no tomorrow. This is it. If I am to lose weight, it is going to be because I did not eat everything I was allowed to eat.
Day 8 – Saturday, November 17, 2012: 214.2 I did not follow the No S rules yesterday, and today I am changing the diet and facing reading another six months on my diet. Here is my plan: leverage my dislike to writing down what I eat by having a goal weight each week and not having to write down what I eat if I make the goal. Retroactively, I am making this week under 215. Starting tomorrow, my goal is under 214. If I am under 214, I won't have to write down what I eat. My goals will be:
Week 2 (tomorrow): Under 214
Week 3: Under 213
Week 4: Under 212
Week 5: Under 211
Week 6 - 10: Under 210
Week 11: Under 209
Week 12: Under 208
Week 13: Under 207
Week 14: Under 206
Week 15: Under 205
My husband is telling me I am typing away on my fat blog while he is taking the dog for a walk. Actually, I need to take the girls to Kumon.
Day 11 – Tuesday, November 20, 2012: I did fine yesterday until evening, which isn't surprising because I had about 15 minutes for lunch yesterday. Last evening, I should have just gone to bed but instead had a bagel, some cheese, and I don't remember what... There wasn't much to readily grab in our house.... Do I really want to live this way? No. I'd rather be fat.
Back to No S. I don't even want that idea of tracking Exception Days. I just want to focus on something other than weight.
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012: Last night, I ate a ton. Why? I think it may have been the reaction to a mild restriction of food the day before. I did not attempt to stop the eating. Instead, I took the role of observer. Today, I slipped right back into No S. I'm thinking I'll just record weekday S Days as either planned or unplanned and leave it at that. I'm also thinking that trying to work towards a goal weight is counterproductive so I should just weigh myself once per month. If I am disappointed with my weight, I can focus on increased exercise.
Day 20 – Thursday, November 29, 2012: Planned S Day It is Thanksgiving morning, so what did I have to eat? Cheerios with craisins, my favorite breakfast. I have no desire to overeat. I have great desire to clean before we leave for my sister in law's house, picking up Anne on the way. I had to give up weight loss goals in order to focus on habit. It's as simple as that. Habit. Habit. Habit.
7 PM: I had one plate of food at Thanksgiving dinner followed by a rather large slice of pie. Then I had another pie, came home, and had two or three cups of ice cream and a large chunk of cheese. Why? No idea. AND I DO NOT CARE.
As I was cutting a slice of cheese, it occurred to me that I would not behaving the cheese if it were not an S Day. Hunger comes and goes. On N Days, I resist hunger outside of meal times. On S Days, I indulge. And that's OK.
I remember one book on Willpower -- was it called Willpower? -- was by a Florida State University professor Roy Baumeister who said that willpower is like a muscle that needs to be exercised and allowed to rest. Well, S Days are the resting part for dieting, and N Days are the willpower part. I am content.
I also have been able to wear a cheap sapphire ring for the past week. Tomorrow I may get my wedding ring out of the safety deposit box and see if I can now wear it.
Day 14 – Friday, November 23, 2012: It is 9, I got up at 8, and I have yet to have breakfast. I was up and reading at 4 AM and went back to bed. We are dogsitting a golden retriever, and our little Pepper steals the dog's ball even when she has her own. Apparently, it is dog nature to want what you do not have. Tom, Katie and I were chuckling about how Angel had Angel's ball, Pepper was trying to steal it, I threw Pepper's ball to Pepper, Angel grabbed Pepper's ball, and Pepper got Angel's ball as a result. Isn't this scene so much like dieting? You have what is adequate, but you want what you do not have. The little dog (Pepper) ended up with the big dog's full size ball, and the big dog (Angel) ended up with the little dog's ball.
I have been listening to one Progressive Radio (liberal) show for months, and I have listened to understand how these people think. It has just not made sense to me. Finally, I think I've figured it out. All along, I thought that progressives did not believe that people would continue working no matter what the tax rate. On Wednesday, it finally clicked that the real prize for progressives is the assets of the wealthy, not the income of the wealthy, and there is no end to the assets of the wealthy which is why they do not worry about deficits. "Sooner or later, you run out of other people's money" is a paraphrase of something Margaret Thatcher said which I think may make no sense to progressives.
The reason why I bring this up is that I have been stuck on the notion that portion control is what causes out of control eating, and my observation of the two dogs this morning would have contributed to that view. Now I'm thinking it may be that having a weight loss goal is what has been interfering with my building of habits. This is a siesmic shift in my thinking, much like there was a siesmic thinking in my understanding of the progressive mentality. I've always been on the edge of changing the diet, or I'm falling off the edge -- only now there is a painful consequence of having to reread six months of my journal. Do I really want to go through life weighing myself daily and adjusting my diet and exercise in accordance with what the scale says? No. I do not. It's painful to say, but I'd rather be fat.
Having concluded that I have my diet and that is that, I now can only change my weight -- or speed up weight loss -- by exercise. My goal until Christmas is to come up with four times per week when I go on the exercise bike. I've got two: Sunday morning and Saturday morning. With the kids' schedules, I think I'll settle on Monday and Wednesday night for the other two times.
Day 15 – Saturday, November 24, 2012: 212.4 I decided to weigh myself today because my approach has changed in the last week. I was hopeful. Yesterday I squeezed into jeans. I had not worn jeans since the summer. I also tried on my wedding ring which I took out of the safety deposit box. It is tight but I can wear it for an hour at least. What about the weight? Am I not elated? Yes and No. I see now that a focus on weight is a distraction from the real job of building sustainable habits. Aristotle was right: habit is a virtue.
Today I am having coffee with another stay at home Mom who is looking at contract work as a work option for her. It is very gratifying for me to pass on to others what has been given to me: the gift of knowledge about how to transition back to working after years caring for your family. I do not regret those years at home, but when you stay too long, your children start to look upon you as your personal servant. We are accustomed to living on one income which is good because I want our kids to get out of college without mountains of debt. My income will cover Anne's freshman year and the last year of tuition at the Catholic elementary school. By the time Ellie is in college, I should have lots of flexibility to work during the summer. My biggest concern with this plan is my health. Having weighed above 200 for most of a decade, can I still be healthy enough to work full time when I am ten years older? I cannot look back with regret. It is a useless exercise. I can only look forward with resolve.
Yesterday I was reading a book called Brain Longevity that I picked up from the library book sale. It tied memory problems in older adults to stress and cited dieting as a cause of stress. No surprise there that dieting is stressful!
11:30 PM: My ring had to come off. I needed SoftSoap to get it off, and my ring ended up being flung across the bathroom. How sad... Well, at least I could wear it for a few hours.
This morning, I met with a stay at home Mom who wanted to ask me about contract work, and it turned out she felt called to youth ministry. I came home, thinking -- wow, the only calling I feel is to get my kids through college without mountains of debt. Then I thought I may feel some sort of a calling about weight loss. It's laughable now, with all the rolls of fat and the wedding ring that can be worn only a few hours, but I've come a long way.
It was about 1995 when I read Diets Don't Work and started to think portion control was a problem. It wasn't until 2008 when I learned about No S and reaped the benefits of intermittent enforcement of habit. Now, like the third necessary leg of the stool, I recognize the necessity of not having a weight goal but instead having habit goals only.
Where could this lead? I don't know. I like the work I do and have no desire to link my name with this blog, with its stream of consciousness description of my dislike for my sister in law, etc. I captured everything I thought could be relevant for weight loss, and there is lots in here that just isn't relevant. Now I have a clearer picture. Now I know to focus on building habits.
Day 16 – Sunday, November 25, 2012: It is 8:50 AM, and I am waiting for the 9 AM Sunday show to start before I get on the exercise bike. I'm going to set it up so I can download some of those shows to the iPod so I have more flexibility as to when I exercise, so I've just requested a password reset on my iTunes account. I started my diet journal in 2003 and, except for a six month period, have kept it ever since. It may be time to back away from it and focus on the exercise program. The author of Eat that Frog makes a good point that sometimes you need to stop what has been good in the past. At this point, with the focus on exercise, the main goal of the journal can switch to my being accountable for exercise. My goal for this month: at least three times per week on the exercise bike.
6:30 PM: This morning, before exercising, I started looking at sleeping bags for Katie for backpacking next summer with Dad, and Tom asked Katie, "What is Mom doing?" Katie said, "I don't know", and Dad said, "Procrastinating." Right he was! I was able to exercise before church, but I'd been delaying. This brings me back to habits. Way a long time ago, back in my 20s when I was single, for a couple of years, I had a habit every first Saturday of the month of going to Cincinnati from where I lived about an hour north and spending some time considering how I wanted to improve on my life for the next month. Then I set goals. What a wonderful approach! I think I'll do that now, starting with exercising four times per week on the bike. There is no need to have a complete exercise program out of the box. I just need to focus on starting and improving from where I am.
Day 17 – Monday, November 26, 2012: Unplanned S Day I am wondering if there is some sort of diet backlash just because my body needs reassurance that I can lose weight as slowly as I'd like. I was tempted by a dried out muffin, something I normally would not want. Why? I don't really know. It was offered at a meeting. I sat through the meeting without eating it, went to lunch, and returned and ate it. Maybe I'm still returning to the habit of No S. I don't know. I did end up overeating at night as well. Do I care? Not really. If I just plug away at the plan, I'll be fine. Tonight I exercised. It was hard at night, and I only lasted 20 minutes but I did it. Habit. Habit. Habit.
Day 18 – Tuesday, November 27, 2012: I am letting Ellie sleep in. I exercised, and she did not go to bed on her own. She went to bed at 10:25 PM. An eleven year old up past 10 PM? Isn't that what you need to deal with in improving your life? Trying to establish one habit can upset other habits. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again..."
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012: What really caused havoc with me these last few months was the doctor saying I needed to have a weight in mind. I went back to my journal from July to read what I wrote then so that the intervening months have not altered my memory of the event. I remember my reaction to him of a chuckle and then my saying "132". I've been back and forth about whether to follow a process or have a goal. You really cannot have both. It was a Mayo Clinic doctor, the best in the world, and my talk with him does not change at all my assessment that this medical institution is the best in the world. I have them to thank for care of four members of my family of origin, including my mother who just had surgery for melanoma there last month. My deciding against following the doctor's advice to have a weight goal is the result of my experience trying to have a weight goal, but I have him to thank for clearly laying out the key areas of consideration: having a goal or a process, and having intermittent or constant rules to follow. A weight goal is counterproductive because it prevents the building of habits because you are always comparing your interim weight goal against your current weight and deciding whether or not to alter your lifestyle (change eating habits, change exercise, etc.) For me, going forward, weight is an input that may result in my adding to habits but not in my changing any! Given my history, I am not touching anything to do with food -- no food journals, no changes in S Days, NOTHING.... All I am changing is adding to my exercise program.
The fact that a Mayo doctor would recommend a weight goal indicates to me that the obesity epidemic may in part be due to doctors making recommendations that are counterproductive. Diets Don't Work is a classic that I read back in the mid 1990s. It explains how dieting inevitably leads to binge behavior. You think it's you. You think it's your lack of willpower. In actual fact, you have very limited control over binge behavior. It's like not breathing. You can in fact hold your breath but, sooner or later, you breathe again if your body can find a way. In the history of mankind, I bet no person has successfully committed suicide by holding their breath only.
Day 19 – Wednesday, November 28, 2012:Unplanned S Day I was going to exercise last night and just plain did not. Instead, I had some Greek yogurt and cheese. What is the lesson here? Look on this approach as like a target. The bull's eye is the No S eating rules. If I can only follow them, then I can only follow them. Exercise may need to be developed into a habit at a slower pace than I had hoped.
8 PM: Fifteen minutes ago, I started eating, and I ate some Greek yogurt, 1/2 peanut butter sandwich, and a hunk of cheese. Now I' done. I think I need to set aside exercise until I stabilize No S eating.
Day 21 – Friday, November 30, 2012: I realized that I'm dealing with the change from having a limit for Exception Days to having no limit for Unplanned S Days. The other thing I noticed is the binges were not as extreme. This is a move to a long term strategy; however, I have to focus on making it work. Three unplanned S Days in one week will not result in weight loss.
Last edited by Kathleen on Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:10 pm, edited 29 times in total.
ironchef,
Yes, BrightAngel is very wise. This is a re-post to me. No S is about common sense. I look around at these morbidly obese people -- I'm not one of them yet -- and wonder if their problem isn't daily binges like the one I experienced on Friday. If so, there is a lot of misery in the world. No S worked for me in losing 20 pounds, but I got stuck at 196.6 as my low despite persisting for nine months. That's why I'm looking at additional rules. After Friday night, I've ruled out making any restrictions on weekend S Days.
Kathleen
Yes, BrightAngel is very wise. This is a re-post to me. No S is about common sense. I look around at these morbidly obese people -- I'm not one of them yet -- and wonder if their problem isn't daily binges like the one I experienced on Friday. If so, there is a lot of misery in the world. No S worked for me in losing 20 pounds, but I got stuck at 196.6 as my low despite persisting for nine months. That's why I'm looking at additional rules. After Friday night, I've ruled out making any restrictions on weekend S Days.
Kathleen
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BrightAngel
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Kathleen wrote:ironchef,
Yes, BrightAngel is very wise.
This is a re-post to me. No S is about common sense.
Kathleen
Just to make it clear, My above post is an original post, NOT a re-post,
however, I've said the same thing to you so very many times,
it might SEEM like a re-post.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com
See: DietHobby. com
Sorry.... I've got to admit it's rather funny -- and disturbing -- that I thought I'd read that exact post when rereading my last six months of my journal. I considered adding in "Sometimes" for weekend S Days, and that is what led to the Friday night binge. Nope... S Days every Saturday and Sunday.
Kathleen
Kathleen
Oh no!
Hi Kathleen, I've been doing other stuff so it's been a while since I checked in. Please don't go back to diet madness- many people with eating disorders eat more than 1000 cals a day! It is not moderate At ALL-
I strongly advice you to re-read your journal from when you stalled at 196- it may surprise you- and maybe you will learn more about why you stalled there and find a no- s friendly way of preventing that again- also know you don't really need to worry about that until you reach 196 and stall again!
I say this as I think fear of no s NOT working and your weight stalling is part of the reason you start tweaking... And there may well be some information you are missing about that period- like what you were eating (plates piled up? Excessive junk food? Bowls of popcorn with meals?) and I suspect the tweaking starting earlier then you remember. The beauty of writing a journal is you can look back. I know it's hard but YOU are not the same person as a few years ago- all the mistakes in this journal live in the past- you can use that information to better inform you RIGHT NOW.
Stay with good ol no s- work on moderate exercise and if your brain want's occupation and you must to tweak. Check you are eating real food at meals not processed stuff and allow yourself treats and social occasions. How can that not lead to a healthy weight?
Hope this doesn't sound harsh- you are doing great and you are 7lbs lighter. Good Luck
Nosnos
I strongly advice you to re-read your journal from when you stalled at 196- it may surprise you- and maybe you will learn more about why you stalled there and find a no- s friendly way of preventing that again- also know you don't really need to worry about that until you reach 196 and stall again!
I say this as I think fear of no s NOT working and your weight stalling is part of the reason you start tweaking... And there may well be some information you are missing about that period- like what you were eating (plates piled up? Excessive junk food? Bowls of popcorn with meals?) and I suspect the tweaking starting earlier then you remember. The beauty of writing a journal is you can look back. I know it's hard but YOU are not the same person as a few years ago- all the mistakes in this journal live in the past- you can use that information to better inform you RIGHT NOW.
Stay with good ol no s- work on moderate exercise and if your brain want's occupation and you must to tweak. Check you are eating real food at meals not processed stuff and allow yourself treats and social occasions. How can that not lead to a healthy weight?
Hope this doesn't sound harsh- you are doing great and you are 7lbs lighter. Good Luck
Nosnos
nosnos,
It doesn't sound harsh. It may be that I brought on the stall in weight by increasing my eating in anticipation of tweaking, just like I ate more this weekend in anticipation of counting calories on Monday and Tuesday. Ironically, I ate very little yesterday without counting calories because I had decided against tweaking.
Kathleen
It doesn't sound harsh. It may be that I brought on the stall in weight by increasing my eating in anticipation of tweaking, just like I ate more this weekend in anticipation of counting calories on Monday and Tuesday. Ironically, I ate very little yesterday without counting calories because I had decided against tweaking.
Kathleen