oolala53

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

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MerryKat
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Post by MerryKat » Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:00 pm

Good Luck as you start your changes and modifications!! Take it slowly & you will get there.
Hugs from Sunny South Africa
Vanilla No S with no Sugar due to Health issues - 11 yrs No S - September 2016 (some good, some bad (my own doing) but always the right thing for me!)

clarinetgal
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Post by clarinetgal » Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:52 pm

Yes, good luck with the changes!

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Jun 26, 2014 3:41 am

Thank you! But it will likely be awhile before I get from theory to praxis.

Sometimes I wish I could go to a hypnotist to see if s/he could wipe the memory of all my problems with food and my noticing of bodies away. At this retreat, as with many of them, there is a majority of thi-i-i-in women. No matter what they do, my mind has to come up with some thought about it. If I see one go back for seconds, I think, "Hmpff. Look at that. Lucky stiff." If one eats little or leaves food, obviously just not hungry for more, I think, "What's that like?" Good gawd! Is this any different from being concerned over breaking a polished fingernail?

Dessert was a kind of muffinish bread with fresh whipped cream. I don't like that kind of bread, so that was no sacrifice. I took a dollop of the cream and ate it with bites of plum, apricot, AND nectarine. Luverly. The rest of dinner was a paleo person's bad dream. Not quite nightmare. The group is vegetarian, so you can imagine. I got no problem in an atmosphere like this. My polenta with veggies stewed in tomato sauce and white beans over my salad greens isn't that far off from meals I'd make myself.

But, I am going to take the step of serving myself slightly smaller amounts of non-freggies tomorrow.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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BrightAngel
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Post by BrightAngel » Sun Jul 06, 2014 8:30 pm

oolala53 wrote:The group is vegetarian, so you can imagine.
I got no problem in an atmosphere like this.
My polenta with veggies stewed in tomato sauce and white beans over my salad greens isn't that far off from meals I'd make myself.
I find your reaction to the eating experience in a vegetarian group interesting.
It really DOES depend on what one's normal eating is like,
and how obsessed one is with having one's own way with food.
My food choices have major importance to me personally.
I'm NOT fond of most vegetables, or fruits, or grains that aren't wheat or oats.
and if I'm eating "real" food, it had better still taste REALLY good.

A few years ago, I attended a retreat where the vegetarian menu was an unpleasant surprise for me.
Most of the things they served were foods that I would never choose to eat.
The food was cheap, "natural", semi-healthy, sugar-free, rather low-fat,
and not at all to my personal tastes.
I wanted my normal eggs, cheese, meat, chicken fish etc.
Even the "natural" bland white butter and home-made salad dressings they offered tasted vile.

I didn't recognize many of the vegetables, and the rest of them were not my personal favorites.
Even the starches were grains that I don't care for.
I could have survived on baked potatoes, yellow corn, and sliced red tomatoes..;
raw nuts; chunky peanut butter on tasty whole-grain bread.
But NO..... those choices were not on the menu.

Some of the - rather scrawny - people in attendance expressed pleasure at the food.
I did not.
If I had planned for this, I would have packed reasonable food in my car,
as though I were going on a camping trip.
Even if it were only cans of tuna, peanut butter, nuts and crackers.

I was so annoyed and displeased by this food, that my mind snapped shut,
and I found myself unreceptive to all of the information that was presented,
and as well as to the people presenting the conference.

I felt so resentful about this food situation, that
... even though I had paid several thousand dollars to attend, ...
I left a few days early, and on the way home, I did something that I almost never do,
I stopped at a fast-food drive-in window
and ordered a Giant burger, Large fries, and a Dessert, then ate it ALL while driving home.
Which, ... since I am used to only small amounts of good quality food,...
made me feel rather ill.

I can handle many food restrictions,
but my spoiled child really acts up when presented with a vegetarian menu.
:D
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 9:40 pm

I hope you shared that because you thought it was, in the end, funny, BrightAngel.

My first big fails on No S happened after I had been at it for three months with NO fails, even after wild S days. It was another vegetarian retreat. They even had cottage cheese and eggs, and all the other food I loved, but the week I got back, I started snacking on sweets on N days. And things were cattywompus for months. Oh, the appetite preferences are so picky! They really must be coaxed and cajoled.

I'd like to think I could get to the point at which I could eat what was available, but that might not be human. A naturally thin boyfriend I had way back when ate so much when we returned from a multiple-day hike in Nepal during which the food offerings were very limited that he sat up in bed a few hours later and threw up! Thin people would never make it on a diet. :)

Thing is, I am very interested in some pursuits that have vegetarianism as a side pursuit. I do enjoy so many vegetarian foods that I like to think some day, I will live that way, but if feels now that it would demand a lifestyle of food prep that I'm not willing to adopt, god help me.


But things feel very even now and have for the past few days.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:16 pm

Sounds like an interesting experience. I have travelled a lot for work in the past, mostly to relatively small towns in Europe. I have the opposite problem: the longer I'm without a kitchen and my usual staples, the more I tend to overeat.
oolala53 wrote:But things feel very even now and have for the past few days.
Really pleased to read this.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Jul 21, 2014 4:09 am

Am feeling very blase. I got some things done over the past fews and then became very complacent again. It takes so many hours of gawd-knows-what to get just a few hours of productive work done. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself, but gosh, I do so little for anyone else in my life, and still can't seem to accomplish much. Can't blame anyone's demands on me. But I also rarely feel like there isn't something I SHOULD be doing.

A few good days eating and then overeating. Not like I used to but it actually feels about the same to overeat much less food. I don't feel like I can get a good rhythm going.

I was hoping to feel more grounded before I returned to work for the new school year, but I don't. I'm afraid if I let myself think aobut it too much, I'll get very down.

I'm having that thought in the back of my mind: when will I be rescued? From the outside, it looks pitiful. I live a life that literally millions aspire to and can never hope to live. The mind can sure pick things apart. I get tired of grappling with it.

Ok, it's after 9 and dark enough for bed. I'm not looking forward to this sleep battle, either. When I don't have to work in the morning, it doesn't matter so much but now, the heat is on again. I might decide to resort to the Ambien, though it might be better to wait until later in the week when the students arrive. If I get 5 hours straight, I will try t be content.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:24 am

I hope you get some quality sleep, and get in a better rhythm soon.

Everyone has moments when they can't get in touch with feelings of gratitude / optimism about their life, however privileged. We can only lead our own lives as best we can. I used to keep a gratitude journal and each day I wrote down something I was grateful for. During a bad time, some days I couldn't think of anything, so I wrote "Smile, breathe, you are alive" (this is a Thich Naht Hanh quote).

For most of us, we get to rescue ourselves. Which is both a lonely and powerful place to be.

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Dandelion
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Post by Dandelion » Wed Jul 23, 2014 3:20 pm

I hope the start of school brings helps. I didn't realize you were in SD. We were just there for vacation.
'I do think the way to a full and healthy life is to adopt the sensible system of small helpings, no seconds, no snacking, and a little bit of everything. Above all, have a good time.' Julia Child

eschano
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Post by eschano » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:20 am

Hi Oolala,

Have you thought about volunteering for a little bit? There's nothing like helping build a house with habitat or whatever floats your boat to feel accomplished and cheerful at the end of a day!
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sat Aug 16, 2014 3:49 pm

Thanks, all, for your kind words and wishes for me. I haven't been doing too well with no s's on weekdays, but I'm also not slipping too far backwards, either. In fact, people have commented recently on how I have kept the weight off for so long.

I'm a bit in limbo, still not knowing what could make the difference. Still getting used to the new schedule. I start early and feel rather tired a lot of the day. The extra time in the afternoon is often spent napping. Going to bed earlier doesn't necessarily mean sleeping more. Ah, well. Other than that, my health is quite good.

Admin had thought at first I could keep my classroom, and it was great! I was motivated to stay each day and do some organizing. Now there is a teacher back in there for two hours after I'm officially done for the day, so the organizing has stopped. I'm going down there today, a Saturday, to put away some of the stuff I had left out in piles so the new teacher doesn't have to deal with it. Hope she's willing to cooperate with what's left.

I gotta buy a lottery ticket every week!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

Tessytwinkle
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Post by Tessytwinkle » Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:43 pm

Hi oolala. I think you are doing really well not putting weight on and still keeping mainly to habit. Your underlying practices are so strong. There will of course bd ups and downs. You have told me this yourself. Being in limbo is a strange feeling. But I think it will pass. I must confess to a fair bit of napping these days. At least whenever I can :-)
Your teaching set up sounds very stressful I really feel for you because I know it is important to have your own space if you can. Teaching foes not just happen in the moments of the lesson. But also of course needs time and space either side. I wish you had your own space :-( hang in there though. They are lucky to have you.
I am thinking of buying lottery ticket too :-)

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:42 am

Good to hear from you oolala.

Very annoying about your shared workspace - I used to "hot desk" and move about without a permanent place for my stuff and it did my head in.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 2:15 am

school is better this year, though not exactly a joy. But better.

Eating has been better with some big bumps. It's still hard because I have so little appetite. For example, today I had a breakfast (not starved, but wanted to eat) of about 300 calories around 8:30 a.m. and was still not REALLY hungry around 4 p.m., but wanted the pleasure of a meal. (I had stretched out a cup and half of mocha for several hours, reheating as necessary. Yeah, i'm no gourmet.) I eventually had a meal: 1/2 cup rice, 1/2 cup refried beans, a carrot, some broccoli, about an ounce of cheese, a nectarine. I feel almost as if I binged, but eating much less than that isn't fun, either. I just don't get the satisfaction from eating I used to even though I dearly want to! Gosh, I have to stop repeating this.

Still and all, I'm grateful that I have so few physical problems. No real aches and pains to speak of, knock on wood. Not bad for turning 61 in a few weeks.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

eschano
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Post by eschano » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:52 pm

Hi Oolala,

Delighted school is better now!

I'm sure you have answered that before somewhere but I just wanted to ask: are you doing enough exercise? Surely doubling your exercise should push up your hunger.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

automatedeating
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Post by automatedeating » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:29 pm

School is better? how long have you been back at it?

And eschano, Oolala only likes to dance for exercise!!! She needs to find some serious dance groups.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3
8/14-24.5
5/15-26.2
1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6
8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9
3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8;
3/19-22.1; 10/19-21.8
6/20-22.5; 7/20-23.0; 9/20-23.6
4/21 - 25.2

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:28 pm

I admit I am not exercising regularly, but I haven't been for these nearly 5 years and it's only in the last year that my appetite has dropped so much. However, hope springs eternal. In fact, after work today, I went to over to the water and walked for half an hour. It was not as cool as I thought it would be, but doable. I'll do 10 minutes of vigor when it cools off later. I just haven't been able to get it in in the mornings what with trying to leave the house by 6:20 and not sleeping well. I'm just so grateful for those few extra minutes in the morning.

Our school district starts the school year the third Monday in July! (The kids start on that Wednesday.) We get a two-week fall break after 9 weeks and a week for Thanksgiving. We end the semester before the "winter break" of three weeks. So, even though the summer is shorter, we get other time off, so the kids have school the same number of days.

I went ahead and ate my lunch an hour early today. I'm going to see if I can wait until my regular dinner time, which means it will be an extra hour. Let's see if that makes a difference in my hunger.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

eschano
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Post by eschano » Wed Sep 03, 2014 8:48 am

I'm not exercising regularly either to be honest. But I know that when I do exercise for a few days in a row I am ravenous :)

Your school systems sounds much better for so many reasons! It's more natural for the kids, easier on working parents, and I personally would prefer spaced out time off so I can recover than one big junk but that is all said from a non-parent non-teacher :)

I hope you feel hungry tonight :)
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:28 pm

Thanks, eschano. I wasn't really that hungry after 6 hours, but I'm not going to force myself to wait much longer, at least not now. Maybe I'll try to start inching the gap up. I'm just trying to be content with what is. I still get some pleasure from eating, just not before and after like I used to. Maybe someday I'll be someone who forgets to eat when she's not hungry. Or even when she is!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:30 am

Yesterday, I had my super mocha for breakfast and an apple for lunch. I wasn't really hungry for either of them, but WANTED them. I wasn't hungry until around 4 pm. I had a meal and did end up grazing a bit, but basically felt okay about it.

Today, an S day, I started the same, chose to have a light lunch with friends though not hungry, and munched on carrots and a banana in the evening, though still not hungry. In the past, I would sometimes eat a full dinner anyway, but feel weak and too full later. But tonight, I feel okay about this continuing exploration of how to deal with very little hunger but a continuing desire to eat.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Sun Sep 21, 2014 1:17 pm

oolala, just wanted to thank you for your recent posts. I know they were on other threads and addressing other posters, but you said some things I really needed to hear. You are such an asset to this community.

Good to hear from you and really interesting to read about your journey at the moment. I hope your school year is going well.

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Sep 24, 2014 5:11 pm

Signed up for a 90-day online free program related to something called Eat for Heat. I have a feeling it's not going to be "it," but I feel these days I can look at things with curiosity rather than desperation. I was curious because there were some references to stimulating hunger, which I need these days. I'll see if it fits into the meal structure. I'm certainly not interested in eating more often. I liked the material on the site because there were blog topics on critiquing both veganism and Paleo, so I know it's likely to be some middle ground which is more my speed. I'd be willing to tweak what I eat.

Also signed up for a $20 one-week trial at a little fitness "club" about a 10-minute walk from my house. I've gone away on yoga vacations; this will just be a stay-at-home fitness vacay. I thought the weather would be cooler and I would be day hiking and such, but this is even more convenient. I'd rather not be gone for long hours anyway in case I get inspired to get an organizing or gardening task done.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:40 pm

Failed yesterday. I'm trying to navigate the sea of "failure." I keep saying I want to return to Vanilla and I set out that way, but just as I long ago I used to say I wouldn't binge each day and then I did, I say I won't snack or have seconds--like a nibble of grapes after dinner-, I do. It' snot enough to send me up into the next size of clothing. But it's annoying. I'm thinking I really need to bite the bullet or quit telling myself I intend to do Vanilla. That would be honest, at least. But I don't have to decide right now.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

eschano
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Post by eschano » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:03 am

Hi oolala, your fitness trial sounds great.

As for your snacking - auto wrote on her thread that when she isn't feeling hungry she overeats and that made me realise I do the same. I think the no-hunger and snacking are very much related so I hope your "eat for heat" in combination with the work outs will improve it all!
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

Tessytwinkle
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Post by Tessytwinkle » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:14 pm

Hi Oolala. I so understand what it is like to navigate the sea of failure. But strangely of course you have often been my guide and compass through that sea. So hang in there you will find your path I am sure. I think you are a vanilla gal, that is your default but sometimes life intrudes and you lose your way for a while. You're still a vanilla gal though :)

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Post by LoriLifts » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:20 pm

Just stopped by to say hi to my No S friend!

You and I are on a similar path. We both began in 2008 and despite the ups and downs, we keep on moving forward.

Good job!

Here's some smiley faces... :D :D :D
Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.

ironchef
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Post by ironchef » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:09 pm

I really hope your course gives you some food for thought (pun intended).

The gym trial is a great idea. Since I started walking for a mile or two first thing, I am hungry for my breakfast in a way I haven't been for months.

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Dandelion
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Post by Dandelion » Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:14 am

I've read eat for heat - I'm much more aware of how food and drink affect my temperature. I notice the water guzzling, yogurt and granola bar for lunch eaters are always freezing. I'm talking wearing a fleece jacket with it's in the 80s cold. I usually have dinner leftovers - and someone commented of me last winter that 'she's often not cold when everyone else is'.
'I do think the way to a full and healthy life is to adopt the sensible system of small helpings, no seconds, no snacking, and a little bit of everything. Above all, have a good time.' Julia Child

aspencer27
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Post by aspencer27 » Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:33 pm

Hang in there with the fails, you'll make it through, and don't be so hard on yourself. Maintaining and being on NoS for as long as you have is such an achievement, and I always look to you for advice - you are definitely doing a lot of things right.

Vanilla NoS isn't going to be right for everyone. What is your inner voice telling you? Do you want those snacks or seconds to feel satisfied? If so, let yourself have them and modify NoS. Are you trying to avoid something else? This is what I have been doing for my fails. I don't really have advice on how to fix this, but I'm working on it.

Keep pushing through, you'll figure out what works for you.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:04 am

aspencer, the ironic thing is that all this trouble came about as my hunger decreased, as one other poster said. When I lost the joy and pleasure of getting hungry and then satisfying that hunger at three meals a day, I lost my way. No real hunger and satisfaction to guide me, much like it used to be when I binged.

I had a full-on wild fail yesterday. I'm sure I could easily not have gotten hungry all day today, but opted for optimized coffee for breakfast, a very modest lunch, and an early dinner, as I'm going to a class at 7. I'm so glad to have a sane day. I feel there's a chance I can repeat it tomorrow. I also got in a long walk with a few "hills" with a friend this morning.

Did NOT get some organizing done, though the weather was pretty good for it. But DID get a little work done on potted plants I had been thinking about.

Feeling a bit optimistic about eating and decluttering tomorrow.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

osoniye
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Post by osoniye » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:35 am

Hi Oolala- How did the one-week trial at a little fitness "club" go? Wishing you the best in NoS diet and exercise!
-Sonya
No Sweets, No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".

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Jibaholic
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Post by Jibaholic » Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:04 am

So what's the cliff notes on Eat for Heat?

I was always cold at the office and sometimes wore a fleece over my button-down shirts in the summer. It is weird because as I teenager I was notorious for wearing jeans and t-shirt all winter. My wife couldn't even fathom that. But I stumbled across a website about cold training and brown fat and all that. So I bit the bullet and forced myself to wear polo shirts to the office. It was cold at first but now I'm fine in short sleeves. I don't think it led to weight loss but I'm glad not to be cold all the time.

freegirl
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:21 pm
Location: Toronto, Canada

Post by freegirl » Fri Oct 24, 2014 2:43 pm

Hi Oolala,

Thank you so much for stopping by my threads. I can learn so much from you – your successes as well as your struggles.

Even though I wasn’t successful with No S in the past, and I just restarted it on Oct 20th, we have a few things in common. I am also leaning towards vegetarianism. I have been eating very little meat for the past three years. I eat fish and eggs, and I rarely cook meat (if I cook it, it is for my kids). I still eat meat occasionally when eating out or at someone’s house. The interesting thing is, I used to LOVE meat. I don’t even know where that decision not to eat it came from. It looked like this: One day I was saying that I could never be a vegetarian, and a few days later I suggested to my husband to try to be vegetarians for a week. And one week turned into three years. Yes, we are not true vegetarians, but we eat very little meat compared to before. Maybe a couple of times a month. I think that the key to our success was exactly that – that we haven’t cut out meat completely. So, even when we eat it we don’t enjoy it as before, and often feel heavy after the meal with meat.

Now, regarding the question on how to get enough protein if you don’t eat meat: I’ve been reading on that topic a lot, and generally about nutrition. There is a lot of protein in vegetables and grains, not to mention beans, nuts and seeds. Yes, I agree that proteins and fats provide satiety; but I need grains as well, and I have no intention of reducing them, let alone cutting them out. Right now I eat cooked cereal for breakfast (millet and buckwheat, with added hemp hearts (or flax seed) and chia seed), some almond butter, fruit and coffee. I eat some fish ( canned tuna, smoked salmon), eggs or beans for lunch, along with vegetables (raw and cooked) and rice. For dinner it is salad, then rice or pasta with vegetables, sometimes fruit. Yesterday I did not need my ‘tea time meal’ . If I need it because my dinner is late or for any other reason ( even emotional) , I’ll try to have some almonds with my tea. Between meals I only drink unsweetened herbal tea.

I am sorry that you lost the joy and pleasure of getting hungry and then satisfying that hunger at three meals a day. I see that you are trying to make regular exercise a habit. Exercise is very important to me. I cannot manage food without exercise. I think that I am one of the people with naturally low levels of ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters. I tried to ‘medicate’ myself with sweets, and needless to say, it didn’t really work. But I know from past experience that exercise works. I am also restarting my exercise habit these days, and I plan to be persistemt no matter what’s happening with my eating.

Now, speaking of clutter….. there is a lot of it in my home. When my eating is good and I am exercising, I have a need to tackle the clatter. I am just starting with that too….. will keep you posted!

Just one more thought: You mentioned somewhere some disappointments/ unmet expectations in your life. I think that we women unconsciously think that everything will fall into place once we have the eating and the weight thing under control. But it doesn’t. Then we start searching for another way of eating (Maybe more protein? Or going vegan? Or no sugar? ). I have my own disappointments. Who doesn’t? I think that by focusing on things that I wanted from life but did not get, I don’t enjoy (or even see) things that life is handing me. I am working on that, too ïŠ

Oolala, I am hoping that you can get something from my long post. Remember, you are one of the successful No S-ers that we look up to. Maybe your feelings of dissatisfaction/emptiness/needing more pleasure are normal result of accomplishing a big goal. Maybe you need another challenge to focus on, that has nothing to do with food.

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sun Nov 02, 2014 9:53 pm

Thanks for your thoughtful post! Don't know how I missed it.

Getting food down was only one of several common desires in our culture that I long for. I have always been working on them simultaneously. Those others have proved intractable despite what I consider to be just as consistent, if not more consistent, effort. But they are a lot more complicated to alter. With No S, for years, I felt victory every day I stuck to the plan, no matter what I weigh. Coming up with a set of simple behaviors to adhere to that satisfy me even without the tangible goal in the other areas has proved much harder. But right this moment, I feel fine. Noticing those moments is part of a new life.

I fantasize about vegetarianism a lot more than I actually live it. I eat meat just about every day. But I also eat vegetarian meals.

TWo more months to five years.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

LoriLifts
Posts: 996
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Location: new mexico

Post by LoriLifts » Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:33 am

I thought about you today.

I had a long drive and was listening to a radio broadcast on a new "diet". My mind began to think about giving it a try.

I remembered your tagline..I count plates, not calories, 3 a day".

It brought my sanity back.

Thanks..
:)
Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:07 pm

Wish I felt more sanity today. Still struggling with the whole thing. I so miss the sense of vitality and lightness I had for so much of the time. I wish I could be more grateful for how few physical problems I have. Other people suffer from a lot worse problems that interfere with their enjoyment of food. Good Lord, I could be going through chemo! But at least then I'd have a reason.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

automatedeating
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Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Post by automatedeating » Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:08 am

Oolala, in less than 2 months you'll be in the ultrastats of weight loss maintenance, right? 8)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3
8/14-24.5
5/15-26.2
1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6
8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9
3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8;
3/19-22.1; 10/19-21.8
6/20-22.5; 7/20-23.0; 9/20-23.6
4/21 - 25.2

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:12 am

Yes, it's true. At that point, my odds of regaining will drop to 25%. Can you believe that the chance will still be so large? I feel pretty good about being able to maintain.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sat Nov 22, 2014 5:34 pm

I succumbed to hype and read a book on weight loss by a sometimes guest on Good Morning America, Tory Johnson. I found myself feeling sad and disturbed as I read of how restrictive she was and how driven by self-disgust and judgement. Now to be fair, her livelihood was also on the line, or so she thought. But she also admitted that she had never allowed her husband of 18 years to see her naked because she felt too fat. How is that supposed to help women who are even heavier than when she started? I'm not saying it's easy to let it all hang out, but all the more reason, especially with a husband who loves her and had never said anything derogatory about her size. I guess I should be looking at it positively and cheering for her newfound freedom, but I found myself frowning a lot.

I also resent that she wrote the book right at the end of her first year of effort and claimed it's about changing habits forever. Granted, because of being in the public eye and her fear of what others think of her, she just might pull it off and maintain. Plus, she was fed up with all the failed efforts before and saw how she had never before been willing to get through the urges to quit. But I can see people reading and thinking they need to jump on the low-carb bandwagon, rather than deciding it was really more about being ready to set limits and stick to them. I was going to say reasonable limits, but I don't call not eating a potato chip or a piece of chocolate for months at a time reasonable, unless a person really doesn't enjoy those foods. Her tactics have not been shown to be any more successful than anything else in the long run.

It has made me feel even more determined to fine tune my efforts on No S just to prove it doesn't have to be such drudgery.

I did not have a good week, in that I think I failed just about every day. I'm thinking I actually have to ban myself from going across the street to the supermarket before I go home from work. I've often gotten very good discounted high fiber breads there for years, but have been falling back into the habit of convincing myself to also take advantage of cheap sweets, as if because they're available, it's an omen that I can have them! There is no shortage of bargain sweets. If I use that as the criterion, I'll be back where I was five years ago, and that is not the way I want to live.

I'm going for a weeklong retreat about an hour away, leaving later today. This is my fourth time doing it during Thanksgiving week. I'm having mixed feelings about it this year. I don't like the food they provide, so I opt out of that, but it is fun to be able to share meals (they have lunch and dinner) with others. We're invited to bring our own, but we can't use the kitchen facilities, so it's mostly cold, unless I bring something in a thermos. I'm staying at the cheapest decent hotel I could find- no in-room fridge or microwave, but there is a breakfast room. The real events don't actually start until after lunch, so I may opt just to have dinner there. My room comes with breakfast, and I think I'll be trying to finagle keeping some of my breakfast food for lunch, as I don't eat much in the morning. In the past, I've done quite well with take-out from Souplantation and a local Indian restaurant, spending about half of what the provided meals cost. Honestly, if I had liked the food better before, I would just spend the extra and be done with it. And a part of me wishes it wasn't a concern at all.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

kccc
Posts: 3957
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Post by kccc » Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:26 pm

Hello, Oolala! So nice to see "the old guard" still around. :)

Read your last few posts. The "icky conference food" issue resonated - I so dislike being trapped in situations where the food is not to my liking! For me, it's usually not enough vegetables, or too much fast-food-type food. I was at a conference in October, and had planned to leave after dinner on the next-to-last-day (final day was a half-day, but I had other commitments). But I got so fed up with the food I left BEFORE dinner and hightailed it out so I could get real food! (This one was lots of "institutional food", with an exhibit hall where the vendors put out bushels of candy!)

I think one reason No-S works is that people like what they like, and it's different for each person. It lets you eat the food you like in a sensible way.

At any rate, sending a "hello" and an extra helping of warm wishes your way.

Best,

KCCC[/i]

LoriLifts
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Location: new mexico

Post by LoriLifts » Wed Nov 26, 2014 10:45 pm

HAPPY THANKSGIVING OOLALA!!!
Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:29 am

Did a lot of nibbling last week. Geesh. Will not get on a scale until I've had several compliant days. Or maybe I'll measure my waist and thighs.

Got three good weeks and change before Xmas! Enough time to reestablish more sanity.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Dec 29, 2014 11:47 pm

Just a few more days in 2014. Hope to make them count. Haven't had a lot of green days for quite awhile, though weight holds relatively steady. I keep waiting for SOMETHING to shift and galvanize me OR for a worthy diversion, hopefully not something unpleasantly dramatic.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Jan 01, 2015 5:35 pm

I posted on the main forum regarding a website that allows you to pick one word for your "resolution" for the year. I chose "welcome" because my spiritual practice recommends that we learn to welcome our difficulties, and that word has often been helpful. However, the words "gentle" and "safe" popped up for me afterwards. I was testing them out in my mind, applying them to the situations I consider most problematic to me, and I felt resistance to "welcome." Then gentle felt a little easier, but safe felt best. I felt like I melted. At this moment, it seems that most of the times I feel there is a problem- it might be fear, anger, or just plain I don't wanna, I realize I am often not feeling mentally safe. At least, that's the word that came up, and it made a lot of sense.

Now I'd like to change the word, but their email system engages my Apple system, which I don't want to use. But I know what my word is.. for now.

Hmm, worthy just floated in. That's okay! I can gently and safely welcome worthy!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

LoriLifts
Posts: 996
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 11:02 pm
Location: new mexico

Post by LoriLifts » Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:28 pm

Hi oolala,
Just wanted to thank you for the eloquent way you write, I always look forward to reading what is on your mind.
Here's to a happy, healthy 2015!
Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.

ironchef
Posts: 1630
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:12 am
Location: Australia

Post by ironchef » Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:00 am

Thank you for the lovely inspiration to choose a one word resolution.

I'm glad you did so well in December and look forward to reading about your worthy welcome in to a safe and gentle 2015 :)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:20 pm

This morning, I had this thought fest about how much morality we feel is tied up in eating, exercising, and how we look. It's so serious! I thought about how if we were just talking about a hobby, like ceramics or city league soccer, would we be examining our behavior so carefully and ruminating over our slips? Would we feel our self esteem pivoted on it?

Granted, some people might need to take it more seriously IF they have a present health condition, but I have to put them aside for now. Besides, if people are really in trouble, it's likely that three meals a day with SOMETIMES on S days would be a huge improvement over their present lifestyle?

What if this could be more like a hobby or game?

Rule 1: Put the most delicious food you'd like (besides sweets( on a plate 3x a day and enjoy the hell out of it. Over time, see if you can get it to the point at which the dense food takes up only 1/3 of the plate. Or use only one full sized plate a day. But have fun thinking about what scrumptious thing you'll eat. And if after awhile, relatively simpler foods sounds scrumptious, don't be surprised.

Rule 2: Have a game attitude about how you're going to fill the time between the meals. AS much as you can, NO thinking about the plan or its results EXCEPT to remember your last wonderful meal or look forward to the next one with delight. How will you get from lunch to dinner? Fill it up!

This all sounded good for awhile. Granted, I'm still on break from school. But if the rest of life looks so hard that this is hard to do, that's another problem. That's eating carrying more of the burden of our lives than it is supposed to.

Rule 3: Do the best you can to find peace with the other elements of your life. Food can't solve those problems, but eating nice meals can't hurt!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

ironchef
Posts: 1630
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:12 am
Location: Australia

Post by ironchef » Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:26 pm

What a cool idea!
I follow an exercise blog called Nerd Fitness for this reason - his motto is to treat life like a game and instead of punishing yourself with exercise you have fun with something you love, and try to get better so you can move up into the next level of the game.

eschano
Posts: 2642
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Post by eschano » Tue Jan 06, 2015 12:06 pm

Happy New Year Oolala! Love your rules.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

gingerpie
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Location: Pennsylvania, US

Post by gingerpie » Tue Jan 06, 2015 1:34 pm

Hi oolala,

I agree that we often seem to take each decision in each moment far more seriously that it really warrants. I think of this often when I think about my house and it's level of cleanliness (or lack thereof) Several years ago, I finally had to come to terms with the fact that my friends and family just had to learn to love me for reasons other than a clean floor. And guess what? They did. . . at least I think they did and that's the important thing. I still spend an extraordinary amount of time taking care of things. And, they often aren't very "fun" in the traditional sense of the word but they are the things that I feel are both important and satisfying which has sort of become my new definition of fun. (don't worry, I do still do "fun" things. I just mean, I've expanded what I consider to be fun.)

I think a similar ideal applies to our attitude towards ourselves in relationship to our eating habits. We have to learn to love and accept ourselves even if we don't eat enough vegetables and we don't fit into our own preconceived ideas of ideal. I just have to learn to expand what I consider to be "ideal".

We might as well enjoy life because eventually it will be over and we will have either enjoyed it . . . or not. But, there is no do-over.

And on that note: we are having our first snow-day closing of the school year so I have to go find something fun to do :wink:

oolala53
Posts: 10059
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:03 am

Well, easier said than done, in the sense of feeling like I'm playing a game. The time in between the meals- specifically last night and this morning, even up to now- hasn't been very game-like. A friend did a tremendous amount of work to help me get a new computer and set up to do something that required either my computer password or the original startup disks (trust me, those are the options) and I could not provide either. He handled it pretty well, but I could tell he was a bit miffed, as he had driven quite a ways to help, etc. I was engulfed in guilt and shame completely of my own doing, excoriating myself over how much trouble is caused by my refusal to confront my anxious feelings when trying to organize. yada yada yada As if I had maimed or killed someone. He could tell I was feeling really bad and did his best to lighten the load.

Somehow, there is a missing piece of the puzzle in seeing how to apply what I've learned from a more gentle and accepting approach to my eating issues and my body. It's similar to what you're talking about, gingerpie. Although I have lost weight, when I started No S, I was pretty much at the point at which I ceased to believe that my weight in and of itself was keeping me from meeting a mate, as I had suspected over the years. Yet I've somehow let my messiness get jumbled in that mix, too. It's something else I feel I am supposed to hide, yet I KNOW that there are people it would be just a laughable issue for. But calling my own bluff, if I REALLY believed it was the issue and I was convinced I wanted what it was preventing, I would do what it took to turn things around. I guess I think it isn't really the issue.

Rambling. But done on my new-to-me iMac 27.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

eschano
Posts: 2642
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2012 2:20 pm

Post by eschano » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:37 pm

A very insightful post. I am sure your messiness is not the problem. Maybe there is still something about wanting to be perfect and imperfection doesn't deserve love? I'm completely projecting here because that was what kept me from getting a loving relationship for a bit more than a decade. Imperfections for me were my weight, then my skin, then my body, then my anger, then my opinionatedness (I am certain this is not a word but forgive a non-native speaker).

Maybe it is something completely different for you. I can assure you it's neither your weight nor your messiness.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again January 2021

heatherhikes
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Post by heatherhikes » Wed Jan 07, 2015 4:33 pm

walkerlori wrote:Hi oolala,
Just wanted to thank you for the eloquent way you write, I always look forward to reading what is on your mind.
Here's to a happy, healthy 2015!

ditto lori and re oolala :!:

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.
_____
hh
The more forgiving and compassionate you are to yourself while you learn, the better. Berating oneself has been shown to reinforce the behavior you wish to change. Ironic, no? But it's good news! We don't have to be mean to ourselves to win - oolala

kccc
Posts: 3957
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:12 am

Post by kccc » Wed Jan 07, 2015 6:21 pm

Love your "gamification." I have found that the less I beat myself up, the better I fare, and your "game rules" clearly lead that way.

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:29 pm

It was quite something to see that heatherhikes had used quotation of mine in her signature area regarding being kind to ourselves. Right this minute, it makes perfect sense and seems it should be completely doable, but those feelings when they come up are much more painful than even the strongest desire to eat. It remains a bit of a mystery why I'm not better at avoiding them if they hurt so much. Could they, gulp, be a habit?

Got some thinking to do.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

heatherhikes
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:57 pm
Location: uetliberg

Post by heatherhikes » Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:47 pm

-Hope you don't mind my coming to your thread, though I haven't used mine in ages-

oolala, I'm so sorry about the difficult time you are going through at the moment and wishing for true and compassionate friends by your side :!:
___________
hh
The more forgiving and compassionate you are to yourself while you learn, the better. Berating oneself has been shown to reinforce the behavior you wish to change. Ironic, no? But it's good news! We don't have to be mean to ourselves to win - oolala

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Jan 07, 2015 10:23 pm

Heather, unfortunately having to examine how I have NOT been able to form a group of compassionate friends in my life is one of the areas of deep concern. I just can't afford to panic about it. I wish I felt I have more in common with the average person, but I don't. Although I used to attend a Zen center and sat for longer than most people could even imagine, and I've been going to another "spiritual" group I like, and I have been seeing a therapist biweekly for a few months, with a few gaps for holidays, I am not in a good place, objectively speaking. But I am working on some things to deal with this. Something's gotta give!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

heatherhikes
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:57 pm
Location: uetliberg

Post by heatherhikes » Thu Jan 08, 2015 12:31 am

oolala53 wrote: I just can't afford to panic about it...I wish I felt I have more in common with the average person, but I don't.
Oolala, there's no need to panic, no reason why you should. Sorry for bringing up the *friends* issue, but a weekly group where you can get together and be yourself, in a non-judgmental way, can be very healing.
I don't know whether religious groups are your thing, but I remember good and comforting times years ago when I lived in Virginia and attended a free Christian Protestant church group; just sayin'
I don't remember who said it: humans are not made to be lone wolves but in some type of relationship, friendship or otherwise. However, sometimes it takes some time to be trusting enough to open yourself up to others. But I found that in the long run it has been, for the most part, enriching and giving me joy and more balance.

So, what's the average person in nowadays society, hard to say in this global world. Look at me, so I am "talking" about friends and sit here in Switzerland myself without any close friends because DH and I moved several years ago from the US to Europe and I still haven't gotten used to the people/culture in Switzerland, hardly understand them :roll: (and he is travelling lots)
And yes, I sometimes eat when lonely, and it's not main meals...
I don't know about you, but I am actually glad that the holidays are over and we all can get back to our normal, every day activivities.
I'm gently asking, could it be that the Christmas season made things worse for you emotionally? We all know this time of year can be trying.

From experiencing your NoS staying power(!), intelligence(!) and (may I say this) inner strength(!) at this community, mentioning just a few, I am positive you will overcome this and come out on top.
You say, "Something's gotta give!" And it will.

Sending good thoughts and wishes your way, Oolala.
Thank you for your being part of this community, blessing so many of us.
________
hh
The more forgiving and compassionate you are to yourself while you learn, the better. Berating oneself has been shown to reinforce the behavior you wish to change. Ironic, no? But it's good news! We don't have to be mean to ourselves to win - oolala

ironchef
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Location: Australia

Post by ironchef » Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:50 am

oolala53 wrote:I have NOT been able to form a group of compassionate friends in my life is one of the areas of deep concern.
I know and love some dear people, but have never formed a "group" of compassionate friends. Due to my choices of study and career, most of my friends are men, and not many of those friendships have "compassion" as a key component. I've seen movies and TV shows where everyone has lovely groups of close female friends who are all very much attached to each other and see each other all the time. While it seems nice from the outside, I've got no idea how to create it or whether I ever will. I'm more along the lines of the Whitlams: "All my friends are f*ups, but they're fun to have around".

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Post by eschano » Tue Jan 27, 2015 9:29 am

Thank you for your comment on the 21 days club. Your comment was a bit of a light bulb moment for me because it's true - I don't do well with goals in any area of my life but like you I sometimes notice brilliant streaks. So thank you as this reminds me to think in the now in all areas of my life.
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Feb 24, 2015 2:37 am

I have been doing decently well since last I checked in and was going to get on and tell everyone that. Then I had a binge today! Oh, well. I don't feel too bad about it. I had talked myself out of something like it on the weekend, and was feeling fine about it, but then I was craving a bean and cheese burrito at lunch. I went across the street from school and got a little package of string cheese to add to my lunch, which included lentils, chicken, veggies. It just didn't feel like enough. I also didn't have my sometimes cup of mocha after lunch. Well, I finally decided I wasn't going to sit with it this particular afternoon. The feeling didn't go away while I drove to take care of a couple of errands, so delay and distraction weren't working. I wanted to feel full and by, golly, I do! I just hope I haven't set myself up to have similar cravings for the rest of the week. I think I"ll pack a bit heftier lunches and count on my symbol-of-the-end-of-the-meal coffee for a few days.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
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1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
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Post by lpearlmom » Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:06 am

Sorry about the little slip up but glad to hear you've been doing well otherwise. Sounds like you have a good plan of action in place for the rest of the week.
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Post by Lovedby2 » Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:11 am

Hi Oolala. I always enjoy reading your posts. To me food is a strange phenomena. We need it, it tastes good, but it can mean so many things to different people. Sometimes things it was probably never meant to mean. When I feel stressed or sad I can look to it for comfort...but it doesn't comfort, not really. About the time you think you have it licked, it pops it demands up again. Strange indeed. I don't like feeling like food controls me. I lived with that for too many years. But sometimes it just does. It is good that you can just move on from a binge. That shows a lot of progress. Hope you have a good week.
Always learning.

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Post by eschano » Wed Feb 25, 2015 9:19 am

Glad you're on track. One or two red days won't make a difference.
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Post by gingerpie » Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:21 am

Weird how we can feel so in control one minute and then 1 hour later be behaving just the opposite. It sounds like you have a solid plan in place. Which is 1/2 the battle.

I've been thinking about the idea of eating habits and whether they will ever become truly automatic. I think what you said makes a lot of sense. Perhaps wanting no-s choices to become truly automatic is a bit unrealistic. Most folks probably do need external restrictions otherwise why would it be such a problem virtually everywhere where there is abundance? I'll have to think of it like brushing my teeth. A habit? yes. But not automatic. I still have to remind myself to do it.

Hope today goes well for you.
Virginia

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Post by oolala53 » Sat May 09, 2015 10:41 pm

Won't go into the details but feel I'm coming out of a hole, though it was one I chose. Have had a mostly good week, though definitely not all green. I am attempting to practice not letting ANY drama develop when non-compliant. I know that's what's always been recommended here. Mark it and move on.

Right now, I'm experimenting with feeling that it's okay not to have a solid vision for my future. Fretting and worrying about it wasn't making it happen. Imagine that! But it's a very strong habit. I don't have a handle on it, but I have some strategies. Even with those, I have to use a lot of compassion in implementing. Nothing new in that message. I guess we just all need our experiences to keep learning.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
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1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
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Post by gingerpie » Sun May 10, 2015 11:44 am

It's been good to see you back among us. I'm glad you're finding your way out the hole even if it was one of your own choosing.

I wish I had a solid vision for my future but I don't. I've always admired people who could tell you exactly what they wanted to be doing in five years. But, the closest I can come is "I hope I'm doing something interesting". Sometimes I have anxiety around it but then the cat distracts me. :wink:

Have a nice week

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Post by tobiasmom » Sun May 10, 2015 2:25 pm

Oh, boy...I know that uneasiness of not knowing clearly what's ahead. Being a military family, we aren't even sure right now where we will be living six months from now. It's a very unsteady feeling.....BUT that has me focusing on ONE day at a time! Great to see you around!
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Post by lpearlmom » Sun May 10, 2015 8:07 pm

Glad you've turned a corner. I get anxiety thinking about our future too.

It's good to see you posting here again. I always really enjoy reading your input/insight.

Keep up that compassion. You're deserving of it.

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
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Post by oolala53 » Sun May 10, 2015 9:31 pm

Thanks, ladies!

I'm realizing that we can never really know about the future. We can convince ourselves we know, but that it just a fantasy. So why be concerned with having a convincing fantasy? Underneath that, I still don't know, so I might as well just admit it and accept it.

I'm workin' on it.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

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Post by ironchef » Mon May 11, 2015 4:12 am

Really nice to see you back here oolala, I always appreciate your words of wisdom.

I'm a planner myself, so I can relate to the discomfort in not knowing. The biggest thing for me is trust - trusting myself that whatever arises, I will work with it.

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Post by eschano » Mon May 11, 2015 1:59 pm

Que sera, sera,....

Hi Oolala! As always I'm appreciating all your comments and your thread.
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Post by oolala53 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:21 pm

Weird as it sounds, I may have to go back to allowing myself wild S days. We'll see. I haven't had one green week in over a year, and have gained. I"ve put off updating my signature line because I kept thinking it was temporary, but the truth is the truth. However, not today!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
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Post by lpearlmom » Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:59 am

Sorry oolala. That's gotta be a tough place to be in but I've always admired your tenacity and know you'll fight your way out of this slump.

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by eschano » Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:03 am

Hi oolala, I am in support of allowing S Days as they are meant to be: freewheeling. No matter what happens. It's such a relief so that N days can be N days.
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Jun 29, 2015 3:47 pm

I appreciate the sentiment. I'm just experimenting again with just having sweets when alone, but I am hoping it won't take going back to how it used to be. Wild S days didn't go away on their own ever. I gave it two years, then got tired of waiting and instituted mods that made the difference I hoped for. Things went smoothly for another couple of years. Yada yada yada. N days got a lot less satisfying and have been wobbly more than a year. Let's hope this takes me to green N days that are more satisfying again than they had been.

I keep saying i think exercise must play a bigger role this time (it has played none, really, so far), but here I sit. I still have to do some prep work before I meet my tax accountant at 10. My 14 minutes will have to come later. I will walk by the ocean (her office is relatively near the beach) after our appointment.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

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Post by lpearlmom » Mon Jun 29, 2015 6:44 pm

I've really fallen off the exercise wagon too. It's odd because when I'm really in a good exercise groove I feel so good and just can't imagine not exercising most days. But now that I've stopped it just feels like too much effort so I think there's something to Nikes over used saying of "Just Do It". It's just a matter of getting over that hump but once you do, you're hooked.

Either way a walk on the beach sounds lovely! Hope the rest of your day goes well!

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by oolala53 » Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:12 pm

It's old news to rag on restaurant offerings, but still I went to a place last night at which some of the waitresses wear T-shrits that say "Excesstacy." They had 1-lb burgers served with cheese AND a fried egg. Nearly every side was fried. I actually wouldn't have minded splitting one of the smaller burgers with my friend, except that she had said she was very hungry and didn't make any noises like she was interested in sharing, AND that I've been reading Blue Zones stuff on longevity and they are big on plant foods. Thankfully, there was a kale salad on the menu. I did get some chicken on it, too. It just sounded too measly on its own and there were no good-sounding starches. My friend also ordered a side of sweet potato fries that I had a few of and we did share bites of our entrees. I wasn't starved before and took half my salad home. I felt for her because she went on a diet a few years ago and has been steadily gaining weight since then. She even talked about feeling self conscious. But she ate so fast! She took some fries home, and kept telling me to take some, too, because there were still some left. She kept eating them. But she will probably think she has to go on another diet later.


I didn't like how bothered I was by the scene, though. It's too much like being on a diet to be very judgy about what goes on around me. But I did feel antsy because I feel so separate from others over this issue. My tribe is so small these days, and that's as much my doing as anything. I feel I've worked on it so much and it's not moving. I think I have to back off the expectation and keep trying to take care of other business.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

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Post by eschano » Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:36 am

Oh oolala, this really hits home. I find it so hard with my dieting friends and I do get judgy and often irritated as it doesn't make any sense to me. Especially one of my friends who is quite big and keeps telling me NoS is too moderate and she'd rather lose weight faster. She's been on 3 insanely intense diets and I keep thinking: if only she had started NoS when I told her about it three years ago she'd be so much healthier now. But I too will have to learn to not dwell on it.
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:16 pm

eschano, from what I've been reading lately, I believe now that a sizable number of people are not going to be able to lose large amounts of weight even if they eat moderate meals. I'm not saying no one will or that most won't lose some; they obviously have and will, but it's more tricky than thought. I still think No S the way to go for 80-90% of people, but not for weight loss: just because most long-lived, relatively slim cultures do, or something similar. I think it just puts food in its place, and that is an advantage really worth it!

My recent issues have had to do with a lack of hunger and a continued desire for the pleasure food affords, thus overeating even in the absence of hunger. I'm feeling a sense of renewal from reading about leptin. It's renewed some hope that I can get my hunger back, though it means giving up my cherished mochas between meals. I need to make sure I have 5-6 hours between caloric intake. (I'm not willing at this point to go consistently longer than that for hunger, except overnight!) I noticed this week while I was decluttering in the garage in the afternoons, I was starting to feel the stirrings of hunger again near dinnertime. I'm also getting a sense that I could more regularly get involved in better activities, though I won't make any promises. I go back to work next week, and I don't know how I will react. I've spend a lot of my working life spending free time practically inert in reaction. I wish I could say I knew I would apply what I know about better coping strategies, but I have to be honest. I don't know! But I have gotten more involved in some contemplative activities that feel like possible competition to some of the more unsupportive time-fillers.

As paradoxical as it sounds. I'm also willing to consider modified IF. Ironcially, I'd be more likely to do it on S days. Though I'd have the distraction of work on N days, I think weekends lend themselves (in my mostly alone life) to messing with meal times. The way things have been working out, I'm more likely to be social and share food with others later in the day, so a 16 hour fast, which is all I'm considering now, could happen. The problem will be the same: how to fill my time. I'm just not willing to do so much of what other people do! And I get away with it. I pay a price, but apparently, it's worth it to me!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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Post by oolala53 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 11:56 pm

I wonder if a hypnotist could make a person believe, for even a short time, that she never had a problem with food. I'm still dickering over it. Could not make myself wait for regular lunch time after getting off work early. Then ate way more food than usual because I didn't insist on getting it cut and half, wrapping and putting the rest away as I usually do. I guess I should just feel lucky that I don't have a similar problem with booze or gambling. I never worry about either of those! I wish food would follow suit.

But in here in the real world, I will have a cup of decaf. I have an event to go to at 8. I hope I will be able to eat a dinner that truly matches my hunger and not what I think I deserve to eat, which is often more than that.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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Post by gingerpie » Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:50 am

Oolala, I have no words of wisdom but I can empathize. I've been noticing myself that I don't always stop eating even after I'm clearly satisfied. It seems to have something to do with wanting the experience to continue. Or possibly just not wanting to be the first one finished. It doesn't happen when I eat alone or with the family but does happen when I eat out with friends. It is, as you say, a feeling that I deserve to enjoy more because it's a unique occasion. We had out of town guests this week so I ended up doing a lot of unstructured eating and I had plenty of opportunities to observe the behavior.

As always, kind regards and good luck in the coming weeks.
Virginia

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Post by lpearlmom » Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:40 pm

Sorry you're struggling right now oolala. I keep thinking that after/if I get to my goal weight, I'll never regain any of that weight. I just very badly don't want to go back to how I was before I starting losing weight. But I do worry that part of what makes my journey relatively easy is because with each pound lost, I'm that much more motivated to keep going. Some times I wonder what I'll do without the thrill of seeing the scale go downwards. Will I lose my motivation? What will I focus my energy on then?

Anyway, you've been such an inspiration to me and I know you'll find your way out of this slump too. Also, I appreciate your honesty about your struggles as I know the rest of us will be able to learn from them.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by oolala53 » Sun Sep 06, 2015 7:56 pm

Sorry for the belated thanks for such warm wishes! I'm feeling better. Have had a few sane weeks.

I've been realizing I have to take the bull by the horns in terms of my problems at work. I just have too many interactions that leave me smarting for hours afterwards, sometimes all night. I am starting some counseling that I hope will help. I also spent a little money on an online program for parenting teens and am listening to a CD in the car on the same topic. It has helped a little and I'm not done yet, so I feel hopeful about that. I'm also signed up for a group program that deals with social interaction, starting in October. I'm pretty sure this is my last year teaching high school in a public school, but I want to go out in better stead. Please believe me when I tell you that there are plenty of kids who regard me as the crazy old teacher and who will be dancing to hear I'm gone. I'm not JUST paranoid about that. I had a girl shout at me that everybody hates me and that I should go do something with my life. Now, I know I didn't do anything that merited such venom. I also know the girl had some head injuries and that these outbursts have happened before, but I've seen other teachers reprimand her without such a reaction. I'm going to do my part to try to ameliorate whatever in me might have elicited that strong a reaction, without kowtowing. (Is that an ok term these days?)

BTW, admin supported me in the situation. She was suspended from my classroom for a day and told she needed to respect any adult who enforces rules. This was mostly over having her phone confiscated, as well as not doing the assigned work. Mom had said in a previous meeting that she agreed with school policy on this and that having the phone is a privilege, not a right. Etc. I'm doing my best to be civil with her without shirking my duties as a teacher. But I'm going to err on the side of letting her not get work done and let natural consequences take over from there. There are some students that would not be the right tactic for, but I think it is here. I hope to get better at making that call more.

Had a funny thing happen last night. Woke up around 2:30 and got the distinct feeling I wouldn't fall back asleep so I got up to take half a sleeping pill plus turn on a tape for sleep. I felt like I never really slept again and worried over the sleeping pill not having worked. I got my prescription for 60 pills last October and have been very judicious with them, so it was disturbing to think I've become inured to them. When I finally got up this morning, there was the pill sitting on the counter. Bad news: I'm THAT forgetful. Good news: the prescription probably still works.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

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Post by lpearlmom » Tue Sep 08, 2015 5:28 am

Wow sounds tough to say the least. I think this is why I always stuck to teaching 3rd grade and under. They tend to idolize their teachers and interactions are just less complicated. I subbed once for middle schoolers and it was a horrible experience. None of my usual tricks phased them in the slightest. I imagine high schoolers would eat me alive.

I admire you for sticking it out for so long and to continually try to improve yourself in order to be a better teacher. Hopefully, once you retire, your life will be a great deal less stressful and you can just move forward.

That's funny about the sleeping pill and glad they haven't stopped working. I sometimes have to take Advil pm for my back at night and I've learned to always keep the bottle out when I do take a pill. Otherwise, I'll sometimes forget if I've taken one or not. I've always been a little forgetful/spacey though so not sure I can blame it on age. I can't tell you how many times I've walked out of a store into the parking lot and completely forgetten where I've parked. It's a little scary sometimes!

I am glad you've had a stretch of sanity with your eating. That's definitely something.

Linda :)
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by oolala53 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:37 pm

In case anybody is watching, wanted to say I am leaving today for a meditation intensive and will be incommunicado until Oct. 4. Happy eating, everyone!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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Post by ironchef » Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:01 pm

I am very envious, that sounds so great. Have a wonderful time!

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Post by lpearlmom » Thu Sep 24, 2015 5:55 pm

Have an amazing time! Would love to hear how it went when you return!

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by lpearlmom » Wed Oct 07, 2015 3:25 pm

How'd the retreat go?
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

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Post by RAWCOOKIE » Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:16 pm

nice to see you back xxx
I love Everyday Systems :3

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Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 11, 2015 5:50 pm

Well, the retreat was okay. I already know I can sit pretty still for hours, but it was terribly hard work NOT to get upset at my thoughts, which as I know and as the teachers kept repeating, is counterproductive because thought is perfectly natural! The breath and body focus is meant to balance that, but the brain will not usually give up the habit easily. I didn't leave it feeling that it was the answer to my problems, but I wanted to believe it would do good. I thought at the time that I would be willing to put the practice time in when I got home, but haven't been consistent. They recommended two hours a day. I actually have the time to do it, but don't. I guess I just don't feel the payoff fast enough for the effort involved. I thought I was doing a better, but had a kid tell me this week that I'm rude. I don't mind seeming tough but I do mind seeming rude. It engenders a kind of resistance that just makes things worse and doesn't fit my picture of myself.

I don't know what is going to change this tendency for me. It really is me that has to change or leave and I hate the idea of quitting while it's still a problem. I have been trying to work on it for over a decade.

But I'm also not giving up, just trying to take the pressure off myself for a few minutes. This occupies hours of my thoughts every day. For years after No S got easier, it was this or how I could get out, but nothing occurred to "save" me. And trying to fill my life in a way to divert me has been elusive as well.

Trying not to whine, just face the truth.

I saw a video again today about an Australian young may who was born with no arms and legs. He somehow tried to commit suicide as a child but recovered and eventually turned his thinking around. He also became a Christian, while I lost my faith in it. He is now a motivational speaker, is married, and has two children! Two or three published books. Geesh.

But you just can't compare.

Surprising to me is that I weigh less now than at almost any time since I started No S. I thought I might have lost from being on the retreat but showed no loss the first day back that I weighed. Then this week I had some, ahem, digestive trouble and dropped about five pounds almost overnight. I thought I would put it all right back on, since it was obviously water, but it's been going up rather slowly. I'm trying not to be too concerned with it, as that focus about 18 months ago led to failure and weight gain. But when I look at my true hunger, I probably could stabilize at a bit lower weight. I just don't like to think about how little food it means each day, even though I'm not hungry a lot of the time. But I still like to eat and wish I was either hungrier or had less fake hunger.


I'm a bit tired of this one, too. I'm sure I'm repeating myself.

Okay, I think that's a sign it's time to get off. Maybe time to go do that breath/body focus work...
Last edited by oolala53 on Sun Oct 11, 2015 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 11, 2015 6:01 pm

Wanted to add that I had done shorter (3- and 5-day) versions of this over 18 times in years past with a Zen teacher, though this technique was more specific. And I may have been a bit more ready. I was better at not allowing myself to "wander off" for quite as long as I remembered doing; I realized I used to actually allow some of the daydreaming to go on, either because it was pleasant, or on the opposite end, I somehow thought that if I was going to figure out the problems. Now I see after years of the same thoughts that the state a person is in at those moments is not actually problem-solving mode, though the brain can make it seem that way. The default for the human brain IS looking for, not actually solving, problems! It believes it's protecting our survival.

It's typical to get in only a few minutes each hour of real focus. SOME people make progress a lot faster, but there's no real telling why. Just as the truth is that most monks who follow the same routines don't reach the states of peace touted.

Now I'm just making excuses? Or am I being compassionate with myself? The Buddha said there is no one more deserving of compassion than oneself.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

Strawberry Roan
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Post by Strawberry Roan » Sun Oct 11, 2015 6:16 pm

While I admire your efforts, any of this Zen retreat stuff would drive me batty. I am a go-getter, always on the move, cannot stand Yoga or Meditation anything that causes me to ssss lllllllll ooooo wwww down. I like brisk walking, biking, elliptical, AbCoaster, I want to move - and I actually think about a lot while I exercise. I cannot just sit.

I do admire the work you do, I raised two teachers and they quickly left the public school settings for other areas of teaching and have been rewarded both financially and emotionally for their changes.
Berry

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:25 pm

Most of my colleagues were more put off by the idea of not talking than of not moving, but I think they haven't had to sit still much! I gently say that if your thoughts while you are on the move or not were more troubling, you might be more motivated to slow down. Being on the move sounds like it's working for ya! Hurray for that.

Thinking a lot is one of my problems. Unfortunately, my brain has developed a habit of dredging up very upsetting thoughts, moreso than the averge Jane's, if my doctors are to be believed. I've been attempting to balance that for decades with various remedies from all avenues. Meditation is considered one standard support these days, but it's only one part of the remedy. As things stand now, all I can expect to do is manage.

Perhaps I should have sought out private schools earlier in my career. I considered it, but they always had the reputation for paying so much less, and I had turned to teaching thinking I could finally make decent money- yes, that's how desperate I was- for a few years and then do something else. In the meantime, I've met at least one private school teacher whose pay is higher than I thought it would have been, though our retirement is amazingly better than social security. I think of the wife of a college friend who has always worked for private schools and definitely has enjoyed her career. But it will be her husband's career and planning, I think, that makes their retirement relatively comfortable, though I could be wrong about that. I occasionally toy with the idea now, but it really seems like a moot point. It isn't a dream now to teach literature, though in the right situation, it could certainly have been fun, but it's just not the problem that inspires me anymore.

Since my previous post, I discovered that the step-daughter of my nephew (so no blood relation) recently sought help for feeling stressed and down in her third year of college and got diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar disorder. She had been a bit of a moody teen, even though she was also very accomplished. It breaks my heart to know she felt abandoned and unlovable, as I can tell you there was a LOT of admiration from our families, but it's an inside job. She is feeling much better now, and I'm glad for her. Her mother went through bad times and feels recovered, too. I may reach out privately. My sister, her grandmother, seems mystified by these problems.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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lpearlmom
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Post by lpearlmom » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:03 pm

Hi oolala

The retreat sounds interesting but like maybe you didn't come away with anything new? Sorry you are still struggling with your students. A doctor friend of ours cares so deeply about what he does and is also quite brilliant but it often gets him into trouble when he comes across incompetent medical staff.

In fact, he was ordered to see a therapist for anger management and is doing much better. He says he's learning that anger is really about your thoughts. In the moment before you decide to become angry, irritable, rude or whatever you have an angry provoking thought like "these people are idiots and don't care about the patients". By learning to switch the thought to something like "this person cares about his patients but just doesn't have the proper tools to do so" this doctor could come at the problem with compassion instead of anger.

I know how hard it is when we act in ways that don't fit with our self-image. When I became a parent I also learned that I had a terrible temper. This really clashed with the image I had of myself as loving, sweet & peaceful. I think for many years I'd get even more angry at my kids for believing they were causing me to be angry. It pissed me off that they provoked me in such a way that caused me to act so angrily.

I still have my moments but things are a lot better. Now when my 12 year old acts up I change my thoughts from "she has absolutely no respect for me & I cannot put up with that" to " this is a normal part of her development as she tries to find herself and become independent". Not that I don't address the situation but I can do it more calmly or I'll even just walk away till I feel no more anger which can take awhile.

Anyway sorry to go on so long. You're a very insightful person and I doubtly have already realized this. I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one wrestling with deomons. I think we all have a dark side that we have to learn to tame in one way or another. I really hope you find some well-deserved peace.

Linda
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Oct 13, 2015 1:48 pm

So kind of you to write!

Unfortunately, I've been through an anger management course. I was able to apply the techniques for awhile, but it's always a struggle. Unfortunately, once kids have a certain impression, they respond even to an even tone or reasonable request with resentment and I feel rubbed raw. Plus this year I've been paired with another teacher who has such a different style and the kids play the difference off us. I feel she is way too tolerant of off task behavior. She warns kids over and over, but does nothing else when they don't comply. I try to stay out of it as long as I can, but then step in whenI think it's really needed, but I think she thinks I'm not gauging it right. Even when I THINK I've been reasonable, others don't agree. I'm actually at the point at which I'm starting to think I can't do anything right. I know, not a good situation, but here we are.

But I did buy a short course on trying to reframe thoughts specifically about teens. I did a few lessons but didn't finish. Got to get back to that.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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lpearlmom
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Post by lpearlmom » Thu Oct 15, 2015 6:07 am

Oh boy sounds like you can't win! Interesting about the other teacher. My kids complain to me more about the teachers that are too lenient. They don't like how they'll let things go till the point that they finally blow up. They much prefer a teacher who is stricter but consistent and has a firm handle on the class from the beginning.

I feel like you are going above and beyond to try to do a good job. I really don't think you can ask more from yourself. I vote for self-compassion.
:twisted: SW: 210 lbs
CW: 172
GW:160

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:03 pm

testing a link I couldn't get to work on another site. It did, but I'm deleting it because it's just a thread here.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Oct 29, 2015 3:42 am

Doing okay. But dang, my meals are small. Yet I'm getting enough to satisfy my almost non-existent hunger. Guess I'm not doing enough exercise to turn that around. I guess if it were really important to me, I'd push it more. Speaking of which, I guess I'll get on the rebounder for 10 minutes.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

oolala53
Posts: 10059
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sat Oct 31, 2015 6:02 am

Was tempted to get some candy corn, of all things, today.I ignored it. Not sure what I"m doing tomorrow, but there will be one event to have candy at, if I still want it. But I doubt it will be candy corn.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

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